1 00:00:02,436 --> 00:00:04,638 They want me back? 2 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,512 (shrieks) 3 00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:18,652 (school bell rings) 4 00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:21,955 (burps) 5 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,023 (tires screech) 6 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,160 D'oh! 7 00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:28,829 (grunts) 8 00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:33,867 (shuddering) 9 00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,112 No one's here today. 10 00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:46,613 Even the choir's late. 11 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,349 ♪ Michael, take the carpool lane ♪ 12 00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:52,819 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 13 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,956 ♪ They just crossed the double line ♪ 14 00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:59,493 ♪ Traffic school them. ♪ 15 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,295 ‐(siren wailing) ‐Yeah. 16 00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:02,763 Mom, with all the room, 17 00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:04,965 do we have to sit so close to the geezers? 18 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:07,301 ‐It's too hot. ‐It's too cold. 19 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,603 I'm not even alive. 20 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,072 What time does Joan Rivers come on? 21 00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,340 She doesn't. 22 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,943 This is a church, and it's not your church. 23 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,244 New Testament? 24 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,646 Oy‐yoi‐yoi, when did this happen? 25 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:23,250 Alexa, play Tranquil Organ Radio. 26 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,319 (organ music playing) 27 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,655 Peace be with you. 28 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,223 ALL: And also with you. 29 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:32,392 Oh, you can do better than that. 30 00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,795 ALL: We can, but we don't want to. 31 00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:36,697 I can't hear you. 32 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,699 ALL: You clearly can. 33 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,667 Lord, either make this interesting 34 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:43,003 or just rapture me now. 35 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,806 ("Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum playing) 36 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,216 Salt the ham water, boys. 37 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:59,119 Clancy Wiggum is meeting his quota. 38 00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,821 Hey! That's illegal. 39 00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,389 Oh, sorry. You know what? 40 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,124 Here. Have a quarter, Chief. 41 00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,860 You think you can bribe me with a...? Oh, my God! 42 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,196 Those are the gentlest eyes I've ever seen. 43 00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,632 Linen shirt. Natural highlights. 44 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,033 You want to hold my gun? 45 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,002 Y‐You can. (chuckles) 46 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:17,137 Thanks. I was hoping maybe you could point me 47 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,538 ‐to the church in town. ‐Church? 48 00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:20,907 Yeah, straight down this street. First steeple you see. 49 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,744 That is not it. That's the Eiffel Tower strip club. 50 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:25,746 They have a French onion soup that is, 51 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,347 uh, well, it's just okay. 52 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:30,517 And I guess 53 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,885 that's about all. 54 00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,153 (overlapping shouting) 55 00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:39,459 You shall bore me no more! (grunts) 56 00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:40,627 You're going the wrong way! 57 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,896 No, I‐I want to go this way. I love God. 58 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,632 If you love him so much, why don't you marry him? 59 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,434 Penny. Button. 60 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,403 IOU for one penny. 61 00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:50,904 Hi. Bode Wright. 62 00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:52,939 Recovery meetings are downstairs. 63 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,108 Booze to the right, huffers to the left. 64 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,577 Sorry, I'm here about the ad. On Christslist? 65 00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:59,579 About you guys needing a‐a youth pastor? 66 00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:01,081 I didn't place any ad. 67 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,349 I placed the ad. 68 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,917 (Lovejoy groans) 69 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,920 ‐I'm Bode. ‐Bode. Nice cross. 70 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,755 Tim's are chewed to nubs. 71 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,391 I‐I chew my crosses. Nervous habit. 72 00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:15,429 Do you have any experience, Bode? 73 00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:16,596 I used to work in Michigan. 74 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,899 Had to use bottled holy water. (chuckles) 75 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:20,300 Uh‐huh. Education? 76 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,302 I, uh, have a master's in divinity 77 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,970 with a focus on biblical languages. 78 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,872 ‐Greek, Hebrew... ‐You're hired. 79 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,874 Up‐bup‐bup‐bup‐bup! It doesn't work that fast. 80 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:31,378 We have I‐9s and W‐2s, collar fittings. 81 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:34,081 And, besides, I'm the one in charge. 82 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,616 In the end, isn't God in charge here? 83 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,753 Do you see Jimmy Buffett at every Jimmy Buffett café? 84 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,288 I don't think so. 85 00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,356 Hey, can I have this? Marge could use it 86 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,125 to serve me snacks while I'm on the toilet. 87 00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:46,960 ‐Oh, just take it. ‐So, Bode, 88 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,162 ‐do you have anywhere to stay? ‐Not yet. 89 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,064 I saw a motel by the tire fire. 90 00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:57,938 ‐He'll stay with us. ‐No way. 91 00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:00,774 Uh, Reverend? The homeless are here for their foot washing. 92 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:05,112 I'm looking for a mani‐pedi and an eyebrow wax. 93 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,547 I guess I could use a little help around here. 94 00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:09,316 Thank you. I won't let you down. 95 00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,318 We don't hug here. 96 00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:13,153 HELEN: Mmm. 97 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:16,523 Uh, I'm here for the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. 98 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,860 It's usually me, Lenny, Carl, Bumblebee Man, Kent Brockman. 99 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,461 But don't tell anyone. 100 00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:22,763 Downstairs to the right. 101 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,965 Also, Lunchlady Dora, King Toot, 102 00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:28,635 and a man I'll identify as Disco S. 103 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:32,038 Disco S is quite a mess. 104 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,711 Hmm. 105 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,046 Oh, Marge, this is embarrassing. 106 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,481 We don't need counseling. 107 00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,049 We do need counseling. 108 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,851 I'm carrying a lot of anger. 109 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,887 Just do what I do. Come home 110 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,222 and have a hot dinner waiting for you. 111 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,224 ‐(Marge groans) ‐Well, let me just say 112 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,560 that I go into this with no preconceptions. 113 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,096 Now, tell me, how is this Homer's fault? 114 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:59,065 ‐He sold our home without telling me. ‐(grunts) 115 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,634 ‐(toy train whistle blows) ‐Helen, is he playing 116 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,102 with my damn trains? 117 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:05,438 Excuse me. There's trouble down at Lovejoy Junction. 118 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:06,873 So, we're good? 119 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,276 We're good if we get our house back. 120 00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:10,944 Did you say houseboat? 121 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,613 House back. House back! 122 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:14,681 Oh. 123 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,850 (groaning) 124 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,756 (snoring) 125 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,357 (chokes, coughs) 126 00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:26,593 Sorry, Reverend. I'm trying to get some rest? 127 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,261 The 12:10 to Trenton doesn't stop 128 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,431 just because your fat head's on the track. 129 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,504 ‐What are you doing? ‐Nothing. 130 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:38,905 ‐You gonna drop that? ‐Not doing a thing. 131 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,774 As a gag, you're gonna drop a tiny log on my face? 132 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,375 ‐Nothing. ‐As I'm sleeping? That's, that's‐that's funny. 133 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,777 ‐Nothing. Nothing. ‐Go ahead. Drop it. 134 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,078 ‐Drop a tiny log on me. ‐Not doing a thing. 135 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,346 Is that... Is that your plan? You're gonna drop that? 136 00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:48,215 Look, we're both grown men here. 137 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,217 Now leave my choo choo alone. 138 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,585 Gladly. 139 00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:53,553 Aah! 140 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,089 Glad I finally got to use that. 141 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,991 Now, my sleepy, young friend, 142 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:01,161 I don't know how you did things back in "Michigan." 143 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,563 Air quotes are for when something's not a real thing. 144 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:06,333 But in my parish, we minister to our flock. 145 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,401 And I'm not afraid to say the hard things 146 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:10,237 that need to be said. 147 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,671 "I" 27. 148 00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,340 ‐What? ‐What did he say? 149 00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:16,076 We can't hear you. 150 00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:19,112 "B" thr‐three. (coughs) 151 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,181 You know, I'd be happy to yell out numbers for you. 152 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,349 Help save your voice. 153 00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:25,018 Bingo requires a firm, experienced caller. 154 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,920 (voice cracks, clears throat): "G." "G" 48. 155 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,456 (coughing): "N" for... "N" 43. 156 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:30,924 I got nothing. 157 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,926 (coughing) 158 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,594 I think I can handle it. 159 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,129 When I was in seminary school, 160 00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,931 I was the shouty guy on our rowing team. 161 00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,400 (whispers): We weren't allowed to say "coxswain." 162 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:43,169 (coughs) Bingo is not for newbies. 163 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:46,139 The letters sound very similar. 164 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,407 "B" 15. 165 00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:50,310 "B" as in Balthazar. 166 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,078 Did he say Galthazar? 167 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,680 Gingo! 168 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,982 Gingo take you to bathroom. 169 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:57,918 I don't want to go. 170 00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:01,721 Hey, this no picnic for Gingo either. 171 00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:03,223 Empty again. 172 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,492 And those two just came here to make out. 173 00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:07,560 (moaning) 174 00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:13,233 If we do it in a church, I, like, can't get pregnant. 175 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,402 (moaning) 176 00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,470 Uh, good mor... (clears throat, coughs) 177 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:18,738 Excuse me. 178 00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:21,408 (clears throat) 179 00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:23,843 (coughing) 180 00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:25,979 (groaning) 181 00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,580 Brothers and sisters, 182 00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:32,085 Reverend Lovejoy is experiencing some vocal difficulties. 183 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,820 (grunts, coughs) 184 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,889 Save your voice, Reverend. 185 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,325 Now, we could cancel church. 186 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,626 (excited chatter) 187 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,261 (playing "Maple Leaf Rag") 188 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:46,299 But God clearly foresaw this 189 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,335 and sent us a backup pastor 190 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,669 to finish the service. 191 00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,538 (congregation groans) 192 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,540 Church will not be canceled. 193 00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,343 (sobbing) 194 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,178 Now please help me welcome 195 00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:01,414 our new youth minister Bode Wright. 196 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,116 (confused chatter) 197 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,585 Thanks. That's very meek. Jesus would've loved it. 198 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,454 I was thinking, while the reverend rests his voice, 199 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,389 maybe we could all sing a song. 200 00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:11,291 Uh, Rev, if that's okay with you, um, cough once. 201 00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,459 (coughs twice) 202 00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,294 We did not establish what two coughs means, 203 00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,196 so I'll take that to mean two yeses. 204 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:17,564 (congregation laughs) 205 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,132 Why don't we sing, I don't know, 206 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,700 "Amazing Grace"? You all know that one. 207 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,469 Or if you don't, it's in your hymnal under 208 00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:25,305 "grace, comma, amazing." 209 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,374 (playing "Amazing Grace") 210 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:33,580 ♪ Amazing grace, how sweet the sound ♪ 211 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:37,584 ♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪ 212 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:40,487 ♪ I once was lost but now I'm found ♪ 213 00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:44,090 ♪ 'Twas blind, but now I see. ♪ 214 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,526 This is the most exciting thing that ever happened 215 00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,461 in a white church! 216 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,463 All these years of mediocre grace. 217 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,033 Finally, it's amazing. 218 00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:55,201 This must've been what it was like 219 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,103 at Jesus's concerts. 220 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,172 (electric guitar playing) 221 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,642 Thank you. Now we'd, uh, 222 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,577 we'd like to do a couple of new psalms. 223 00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,646 (crowd boos) 224 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:10,517 ‐♪ Hallelujah, hallelu ♪ ‐♪ Hallelujah ♪ 225 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,353 ♪ Hallelujah, hallelu ♪ 226 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,487 ♪ Hallelujah. ♪ 227 00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,591 Something exciting's 228 00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:20,126 happening at the church. 229 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:22,195 Let's check it out. 230 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,933 All right, I think we get it. Grace, it's amazing. 231 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,302 I know most of you usually save your "hallelujahs" 232 00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:30,537 for when church is over. 233 00:09:30,603 --> 00:09:33,373 (laughs) I adore the informality. 234 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,375 But if it's okay, I thought maybe I could just speak 235 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,543 to you guys straight from my heart. 236 00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:37,944 I don't have anything planned, 237 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,446 but I guess I should talk about God, right? 238 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:40,713 Church. Pastor. 239 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,549 Makes sense I should talk about God. 240 00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,317 But the truth is, I woke up this morning 241 00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,119 and I wasn't really sure if I believed in God. 242 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,153 (congregation gasps) 243 00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,555 No God? 244 00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:49,923 Fingers in your ears, boys. 245 00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,791 Till you can feel the brain. 246 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,026 It's okay. Everything's fine. 247 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,427 I‐I just woke up with some doubt. 248 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,362 Like many of you did, too, I'm sure. 249 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,031 There's so much pain and suffering in the world, 250 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,133 I wasn't sure anyone was really out there. 251 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,868 Watching us. On a cloud. 252 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,103 That's how we think of God, right? 253 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,371 To many of us, God is just an angry, old miser 254 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,240 with a killer surveillance system. 255 00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,376 Everyone picks on the miser. 256 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,544 Shave faster or no tip! 257 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,881 Oh, I shave‐a faster, all right. 258 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,983 Hurry up. I'm going to a funeral. 259 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:20,620 Oh, you're going to a funeral, all right. 260 00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,789 Oh, this is taking too long. 261 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:26,025 I got to stop procrastinating. 262 00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:27,660 Then I got quiet and thought about it. 263 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:30,029 It hit me that maybe God isn't up there, you know. 264 00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,231 "Somewhere else." 265 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,866 Maybe God's right here and now. 266 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,734 As close as the air on your skin. 267 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,936 For the first time ever, I don't feel alone. 268 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,438 Life is worth living. 269 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:40,707 Hey, forget that hit I called on myself, huh? 270 00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,509 Yeah, well, I said too late. 271 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,844 Can't you just charge me a stalking fee? 272 00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,379 Okay, 40%. 273 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,581 And you can only cancel on the app. 274 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,350 All right, I‐I'll just, uh... 275 00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,118 My screen is frozen! 276 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,622 Maybe God is just a word for a love 277 00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,624 that we create and remember together. 278 00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,726 A love that isn't mad at us for our doubt 279 00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:02,495 or angry at us because we're alcoholics. 280 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:03,930 (sighs) 281 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:08,434 Finally, recognized for my accomplishments. 282 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,603 I think so many of us have made a God that's like us, 283 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,038 instead of the other way around. 284 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,540 God loves diversity. 285 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,375 God didn't just make one type of flower. 286 00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,510 He made thousands of different flowers‐‐ 287 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,078 roses, lilies, orchids‐‐ 288 00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:20,780 and He made the weeds, too. 289 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,615 But He loves all of them indiscriminately. 290 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,217 Just like the bees. 291 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:27,887 You have made this bumblebee a humble bee. 292 00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:30,223 Jesus said, "Let the weeds grow with the wheat." 293 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,791 That means it's all in the game. 294 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,126 Go easy on yourself. 295 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,827 You don't have to earn God's love. 296 00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,596 You are God's love. 297 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:38,097 All right, that's it. 298 00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:39,566 I know it's early, but it's a beautiful day. 299 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:40,900 Let's get out of here. 300 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,969 Sorry, concert's over, dude. 301 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,071 All that's left is the merch. 302 00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:48,007 (chanting): Bode! Bode! Bode! 303 00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:51,311 CONGREGATION (chanting): Bode! Bode! Bode! 304 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,745 Three cheers for Reverend Lovejoy. 305 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:54,280 Stupid Flanders. 306 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,316 CONGREGATION: Stupid Flanders! 307 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,951 Stupid Flanders! 308 00:11:58,017 --> 00:11:59,786 I love church. 309 00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,187 I won't be single in Heaven. 310 00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:06,960 This was the best church ever. 311 00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:09,395 It was like some kind of religious experience. 312 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,164 Will you join us for pancakes? 313 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,632 Are those new vestments? 314 00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:14,234 They really bring out the piety. 315 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,002 You don't have to patronize me, Ned. 316 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,804 You're, y‐you're right, I'm sorry. 317 00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,772 Y‐You did not do well today. 318 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:21,608 Oh, go back to patronizing. 319 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,977 Maybe something about my shoes? 320 00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:28,081 Oh, look at those shoes, tied so tight with loops so even. 321 00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:30,516 Someone knows the bunny ear technique. 322 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,085 Helen tied them. 323 00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:35,922 Uh, Pastor, would you like to say grace? 324 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,490 (clears throat) Lord‐‐ 325 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,158 Oh, sorry, I should have been more specific. 326 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,561 I meant the cool new pastor everyone likes. 327 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,630 (laughs) You can sit down. 328 00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:44,964 You know, I think the food is good 329 00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:46,132 without me saying it's good. 330 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,734 God made it good. 331 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,669 Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be thankful, but 332 00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,638 there's no need to make everyone uncomfortable 333 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:53,473 by praying in front of 'em, am I right? 334 00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:56,242 Nice speech, although longer than grace. 335 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,544 Oh, no bacon for me. 336 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,480 I'm a vegetarian. (chuckles) 337 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,749 And, actually, a Buddhist. 338 00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:04,017 Great. I love Buddha. 339 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:05,184 That's where I got my name. 340 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:06,352 The Bodhi Tree. 341 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:07,520 And I don't eat meat either. 342 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:08,855 You're a vegetarian? 343 00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:11,090 ‐What about evolution? ‐Into it. 344 00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:12,292 ‐Gay rights? ‐Love is love. 345 00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:13,893 ‐Dizzy or Bird? ‐John Coltrane 346 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,195 and Duke Ellington, 1962. 347 00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:18,398 (gasps) The only way to describe how perfect 348 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:21,534 that jazz answer is, is with jazz. 349 00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:31,244 This brunch has turned into... 350 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,212 a jazz brunch! 351 00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:35,148 I'm a believer. 352 00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:37,383 That's great, Lisa, but I actually don't think 353 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,419 faith comes down to what we believe. 354 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,187 Well, you got to believe in this baloney. 355 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,056 That's how you get into Heaven. 356 00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:45,291 Where maybe, just maybe, I could see 357 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,794 the mother that abandoned me again. 358 00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:51,431 Yeah, sure, but I think together 359 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:54,067 we can bring Heaven here while we're still alive. 360 00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:56,302 There's a Chinese proverb about Heaven and Hell. 361 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:59,038 They say Hell is a long table like this, full of food, 362 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,974 but everybody's starving because they have these long chopsticks, 363 00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:04,744 like pool cues, and they can't bring the food to their mouths. 364 00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:07,246 This is the worst Year of the Ox ever. 365 00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:10,483 But in the proverb, Heaven is the exact same table, same food, 366 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,319 same long chopsticks, but everybody's happy and fat 367 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,987 because they're feeding each other. 368 00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:16,656 CONGREGATION: Aw! 369 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,625 Wait, wait! I can be cool, too... with humor. 370 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,627 Did you hear the one about the Greek‐Jewish wedding? 371 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,296 They didn't know whether to break the plates 372 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,697 or the glasses! 373 00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,199 (congregation booing) 374 00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:28,801 Yes, why don't you take your cultural insensitivity 375 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,604 back to the Spanish Inquisition you came from? 376 00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:32,805 I've lost them. 377 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,807 You never had us. 378 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,547 Timothy, the church council wants to thank you 379 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,716 for your many years of... 380 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,051 Incompetence! 381 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,219 (gasps) 382 00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:47,420 Knock his frock off. 383 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,622 We like the new guy in his tight jeans. 384 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,125 Do not resuscitate your career. 385 00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:53,993 What are you saying? You're firing me? 386 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,529 ‐Gingo. ‐Please surrender your cross. 387 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,164 We don't want any trouble. 388 00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:02,368 Timothy. 389 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,174 Now the collar. 390 00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:12,712 And any water you turned into holy water 391 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,814 is once again regular water. 392 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,883 Nothing but tap. 393 00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:27,760 Did you know Bode has 22,000 YouTube subscribers? 394 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,495 Our church could go viral. 395 00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,798 Ugh. Close window. 396 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:34,167 ‐You just subscribed. ‐What? No. 397 00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:35,535 (chuckles): Now you gave him a thumbs‐up. 398 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,003 Stop telling me what I just did. 399 00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:39,105 You just gave him an eggplant emoji. 400 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,307 Well, at least that can't be misconstrued. 401 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,775 Wait a minute. 402 00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,044 The Internet can help me. Help me find something on him. 403 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,679 He's clean on Google. 404 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,214 I'll have to try Bing. 405 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,817 Sorry, I was asleep. 406 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,152 Do you really want to use us? 407 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:54,787 Yes. 408 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,789 Hmm. Nothing. 409 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,357 But I'm not licked. 410 00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,026 Pack your bags, Helen. 411 00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:02,261 We are going to Michigan. 412 00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:07,934 Reverend? We're here for a little counseling? 413 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,368 Well, I'd be happy to. 414 00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:11,437 But you're already with the best counselor there is. 415 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:12,839 ‐Your partner. ‐Wait. 416 00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,106 But Marge always told me 417 00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:16,008 communication is bad for a marriage. 418 00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:17,844 I said it was good. 419 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,178 You said what was good? 420 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,446 You just have to know what it's like 421 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,881 to be in each other's shoes. 422 00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,549 Literally. Put on each other's shoes. 423 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:24,684 Right now. 424 00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:27,787 HOMER: All right. They... 425 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,355 (grunting) 426 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,859 Your shoes are so tight. 427 00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,393 And you do so much work. 428 00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:35,928 You're an angel. 429 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,864 And your shoes are so heavy. 430 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:40,500 I never realized you carried around so much. 431 00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,703 I'm starting to see the man I fell in love with again. 432 00:16:43,769 --> 00:16:45,104 Where? Where? I'll kill him! 433 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,073 ‐You. ‐Oh. 434 00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:49,375 I must admit, this is amazing. 435 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:52,111 But what about the fact that he sold our house? 436 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,113 ‐Um, may I interject? ‐Sure. 437 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,049 I've seen your house. It'll never pass inspection. 438 00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,885 ‐Are you sure? ‐Piece of crap. 439 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:02,355 Thank you, Reverend. Mmm, mmm. 440 00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:11,330 Lisa. What brings you here? 441 00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,900 Well, I thought it might be fun if we meditate together. 442 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,335 Sure. Make yourself at om. 443 00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:20,406 (laughs): Wow! As meditation jokes go... 444 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,843 That's the only meditation joke I've ever heard. 445 00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:27,179 Alexa, play Meditation Jam. 446 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,248 (new age music playing) 447 00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,352 You know, science calls it consciousness, 448 00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:36,022 the mystics call it a soul, but both are just words, 449 00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:37,857 just labels, for whatever it is 450 00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:40,259 that's looking out your eyes right now. 451 00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,762 (inhales) Breathe, Lisa. 452 00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:44,830 ("In a Sentimental Mood" playing) 453 00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,896 ♪ ♪ 454 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,175 Saw the button, huh? 455 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:31,644 (gasps) I did. 456 00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,480 HELEN: Tim, 457 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,182 we could go to Mackinac Island. 458 00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:38,751 They have the longest hotel porch in the world. 459 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,988 It's always the big verandas with you, isn't it, Helen? 460 00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,422 You've done something to this town 461 00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:44,857 I never thought could happen. 462 00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,493 A full‐blown religious revival. 463 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,998 Yeah, let these warm your insides 464 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:55,534 as the words of St. Paul warm your soul, there. 465 00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,637 (clears throat) Dear Ephesians‐‐ 466 00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,705 and I'm, of course, paraphrasing here‐‐ 467 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:03,342 believe in Christ or I'll hit your head with a baseball bat. 468 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:04,577 I'll frickin' do it. 469 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,112 ‐Amen. ‐Amen. 470 00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:08,414 (chuckles): Hey, I'm‐I'm not trying to change any minds. 471 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,583 I'm just trying to start a conversation. 472 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,753 We need that. This town's like a snow globe. 473 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:17,289 It doesn't look like much till you shake it up a little. 474 00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:21,093 ‐(whimpers) ‐I want redemption or else, dude. 475 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,695 Or else what? 476 00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,563 Or Rabbi Mankiewicz will, dude. 477 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:27,033 And I have trouble making that "cch" sound. 478 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,468 It's either Chanukah or Hanukkah. 479 00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,070 Okay? Pick one of those. 480 00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,039 (exhales) 481 00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,913 Teach a man to microfiche, 482 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,549 and you'll feed him dirt for a lifetime. 483 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:47,620 Vengeance is mine, sayeth the me. 484 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:52,491 We really should've digitized that stuff. 485 00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:59,331 Oh, I hope part two is about my rescue. 486 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,379 ANNOUNCER: Next week on "Warrin' Priests Part Two..." 487 00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,214 I hear there's a little dirt 488 00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,717 on the collar of a man who used to preach here, 489 00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,785 Bode Wright. 490 00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:23,556 You, sir, have challenged me on scripture. 491 00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:26,625 Oh, well, if it's scripture you want to talk, 492 00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,461 then let us make a joyful noise 493 00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:30,763 ‐unto the Lord. ‐Good. 494 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:33,199 Yarr, activism means nothing 495 00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:35,701 if it's not intersectional. Yarr! 496 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:38,938 ANNOUNCER: Next week on The Simpsons. 497 00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:41,307 (jazz music playing) 498 00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:57,356 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 499 00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:21,547 Shh!