1 00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:12,045 (barking quietly) 2 00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:13,714 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,015 (yaps) 4 00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:17,017 (panting) 5 00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,219 (sniffing) 6 00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:21,955 (excited gibberish) 7 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,525 (sniffing) 8 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:25,893 (chomps) 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,862 (panicky gasping) 10 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,030 (sniffs) 11 00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:33,033 (yaps) 12 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,635 Who wants popcorn... 13 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,136 ‐Yay! ‐Yay! 14 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,705 ...to string and put on the Christmas tree? 15 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,007 ‐Oh. ‐Ah, damn it. 16 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,378 (both groan) 17 00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:47,080 Mom, I made an ornament at Sunday school. 18 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:49,416 Oh, it's so... 19 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,385 sticky. 20 00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,954 The Popsicle juice represents Jesus's blood. 21 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:57,958 That would look so pretty on the back of the tree. 22 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,061 KRUSTY ORNAMENT: Do not put on tree. 23 00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:02,863 May occasionally do this: 24 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,998 Beep! Beep! 25 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,433 Beep! 26 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,036 Ooh, look! An old Santa hat. 27 00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:11,071 You know who would love to wear this? 28 00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:12,272 No one. 29 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,107 The dog! 30 00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:15,242 (barks, whines) 31 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,110 Quick! Lisa, take a picture. 32 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,613 I don't think he wants to take a picture. 33 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,682 (grunts) Dogs... love... 34 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,250 people clothes. 35 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,052 (Santa's Little Helper whines "uh‐uh") 36 00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:27,854 (both speaking gibberish) 37 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,123 (excited gibberish) 38 00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:31,792 Did you get a good picture? 39 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:32,960 I don't think so. 40 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,128 (repeats excited gibberish) 41 00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:39,333 ♪ ♪ 42 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,703 (barking) 43 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,705 (gasps) He's afraid of it. 44 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,940 No, he's not. 45 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,609 (growls, barks) 46 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,778 (camera clicking) 47 00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:55,649 Darn, we wasted three digital photos. 48 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,150 (whining) 49 00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:59,553 Ugh. Well, suit yourself, spoilsport. 50 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,355 You're out of the card! 51 00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,357 Don't worry, he's not out of the card. 52 00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:05,892 ‐Can we be out of the card? ‐Everyone's in the card! 53 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,395 Okay, but not like last year. 54 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,763 BART: Ay, caramba! 55 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,832 ♪ Ah, jingle bell, jingle bell ♪ 56 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,567 ♪ Jingle bell rock, oh ♪ 57 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,103 ♪ Jingle bell rock and jingle bell rock ♪ 58 00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,938 ♪ A‐rockin' and rockin' ♪ 59 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,940 ♪ And words of the song ♪ 60 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,942 ♪ Looks like I parked on the lawn ♪ 61 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,511 ♪ Oh, giddyap, giddyap ♪ 62 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,546 ♪ Giddyap, let's go ♪ 63 00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:29,182 ♪ There's mistletoe ♪ 64 00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,184 ♪ There's kissin' to do ♪ 65 00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:34,054 ♪ And lots to kiss. ♪ 66 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:38,959 (giggles) Marge, you're never gonna guess what I got you. 67 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,560 D'oh! Oh! 68 00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:41,862 (mutters) 69 00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,064 Oh! 70 00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,066 It ate my shorts! 71 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:48,935 Oh, now that it's happened, it's not so funny. 72 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,538 Homie, we have to talk about the difference 73 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:55,275 between gifts and household supplies. Hmm? 74 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,476 Uh‐oh. 75 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,479 LISA (gasps): Oh, my God! 76 00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:00,914 What's all the fu... (screams) 77 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,416 (gasps) What the... 78 00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:05,185 That dog better have a good explanation! 79 00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:06,920 Um... I did it. 80 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,422 Hit me with the newspaper. 81 00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:10,424 You know I get my news online. 82 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:11,725 Guys... 83 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,561 what is Santa's Little Helper doing? 84 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:17,497 I think something is very wrong with him. 85 00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:21,034 I think maybe we should take him to a dog psychologist. 86 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,170 Dog psychologist, eh? 87 00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:25,005 Get off the couch. Get off. 88 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,373 Get off! 89 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,841 (howls) 90 00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,843 Dad, I know what you're thinking. 91 00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,845 It's not that. 92 00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:35,248 Elaine Wolff is giving a free lecture tomorrow night. 93 00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:36,917 She's a legend. 94 00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:38,218 Oh, not tomorrow. 95 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,954 Tomorrow's UFC fight 243. 96 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,957 Why do you care so much about one stupid fight? 97 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,359 'Cause he paid 60 bucks to watch it. 98 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,929 (gasps) 60 bucks to watch a fight? 99 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:51,465 Actually, 70. I got it in HD. 100 00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:53,900 We don't even have an HDTV. 101 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,969 I wanted the pay‐per‐view operator 102 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,772 to think I was a big shot. 103 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,040 (cries softly) 104 00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:02,542 LISA (distorted, echoing): He's staring at that smudge... 105 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,344 smudge... smudge. 106 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,346 (distorted, echoing): What's wrong with that dog... 107 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,081 dog... dog? 108 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,883 GRAMPA: I need my pill... 109 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,418 pill... pill! 110 00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,420 That's three pills! 111 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,489 ♪ ♪ 112 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,359 (barks) 113 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,728 (whining) 114 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:23,730 (chuckles) 115 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,499 I love playing Candy Crush. 116 00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:27,200 (grunting) 117 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,202 Dad, I need to tell you something, 118 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,204 but I've come to the sad conclusion 119 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:34,241 that you have difficulty hearing the female voice. 120 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:37,110 Aw, I love you, too, honey. 121 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,378 (low grunt) 122 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,547 Therefore, I have deputized Bart 123 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,349 to speak for me. 124 00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:43,917 How you doin'? 125 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,953 "Father, I believe you're an honorable man." 126 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,588 (sputters) Really? 127 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,190 (chuckles) Okay. 128 00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:53,593 "In times of peril, you, um... 129 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,095 even... event..." 130 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,463 (whispers): "Eventually." 131 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,565 "...eventually do the right thing, 132 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,234 "but Santa's Little Helper is in crisis, 133 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,171 and 'eventually' may be too late." 134 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,039 Aw. Well said, boy. 135 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:09,376 And, Lisa, for writing it, you win my highest honor, 136 00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:12,345 a hearty Homer hug. Mm. 137 00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:13,847 Aw... 138 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,949 Now we party. 139 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,718 ‐(snorting) ‐Ew! 140 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,554 Why do you eat candy that way? 141 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,923 ‐I already brushed my teeth. ‐Oh. 142 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,197 (microphone feedback) 143 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,199 (clears throat) Good evening. 144 00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:35,936 "The more I spend time with dogs, the more I realize 145 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,339 that I entirely prefer them to people." 146 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:40,574 (laughter) 147 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,008 No, no, I'm serious. 148 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,944 I really despise you. 149 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,947 Despise us? I... Hey, as the owner of a dog, 150 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:50,116 a tiger and a dolphin, I am highly offended. 151 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,551 Highly! 152 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:52,919 Okay, first of all, 153 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,755 I hate that you call yourselves "owners." 154 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:58,091 You own living beings? 155 00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,960 (scoffs) Nice. 156 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,561 (groans softly) 157 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,563 (phone rings) 158 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:04,865 (quietly): Uh, hello? 159 00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,868 Clayton, I can't talk right now. 160 00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,169 I've left her. 161 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,404 I have left my wife. 162 00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:12,906 What? Really? 163 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:16,042 You and I have loved each other since primary school. 164 00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:17,310 She knew that, 165 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,380 so I think she was relieved. 166 00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:21,681 Oh, Clay. 167 00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:24,251 I'd stopped allowing myself to hope. 168 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:27,020 But, uh... I think I got to call you right back. 169 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,922 No, no! Stay on the call. 170 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,657 We're invested. 171 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,026 I have to go. I'm giving a lecture. 172 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,227 Wait! Wait! 173 00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,029 We're getting married, right? 174 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,597 Yeah, sure, sure, yeah, whatever. 175 00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:38,899 Wait! 176 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,000 Oh. Yes. 177 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,869 You don't deserve dogs! 178 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:44,504 They sniff out your diseases 179 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,107 and comfort you when you ride planes. 180 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:51,845 And I constantly hear: "How do I get my dog to listen?" 181 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,414 ‐Choke him till he taps out! ‐Oh, good God! 182 00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,549 Always what can your dog do for you. 183 00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:59,119 Never once has somebody asked: 184 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:03,523 "What is my dog trying to say?" 185 00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:05,725 Bad! Bad! 186 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,727 All of you, bad! 187 00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:10,730 This was the worst extension class I ever took. My God. 188 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,732 It was even worse than flower arranging. 189 00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:15,135 I mean, who can say where baby's breath should go? 190 00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,837 Huh. Not I. Tell you that much. 191 00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:18,838 Uh, ma'am... 192 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,206 ‐Down. ‐(whimpers) 193 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,075 It's okay. We're friendly. 194 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,377 Ma'am, I know you were once 195 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,681 a young, inquisitive girl like me. 196 00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:28,915 Mm, not like you, no. 197 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,717 I knew when to keep quiet. 198 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,520 (crying): Please. My dog is having a breakdown. 199 00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:36,723 So if these tears mean nothing to you... 200 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,091 (sobbing) 201 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,994 ...help our dog, or let's do this! 202 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,229 Hold my pearls! 203 00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:45,332 Look, I'm sorry, 204 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,533 I just can't d... 205 00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:48,735 (gasps): Oh, my. 206 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,071 (whines, pants) 207 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,372 You poor boy. 208 00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:54,741 You've got a story to tell. 209 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:58,511 (speaking gibberish) 210 00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,680 Could you teach us to do what you do? 211 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,049 To see the world through his eyes? 212 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,884 Oh, not through his eyes. 213 00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,453 That's the point. 214 00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:09,189 A dog's dominant sense is smell. 215 00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:12,625 (sniffs) He sees the world with his nose, 216 00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:16,696 and his nose sees so much more than our eyes. 217 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:20,066 For instance, we see a lamppost. 218 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:25,005 Your dog sees everyone who's ever been here. 219 00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,073 ♪ ♪ 220 00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:37,784 (excited gibberish) 221 00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,454 ‐(thunder crashes) ‐(groans) 222 00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:46,192 Hmm. He really likes you. 223 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,994 He adores me. Knows I can help him. 224 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,662 Wants me to love him back. 225 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,064 But I can't. 226 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:54,134 A woman can only scoop so much poop. 227 00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:56,836 Stay. 228 00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:58,338 Good stay. 229 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,741 ♪ ♪ 230 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,045 Mm... 231 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,050 Come on, get to the part that helps us. 232 00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,885 I'm trying. In the acknowledgements, 233 00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:15,355 she thanks all 101 dalmatians! 234 00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,357 Well, at least I can wash this filthy hat. 235 00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:18,391 (growls) 236 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,060 ‐Ow! ‐(Homer shrieks) 237 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,628 (stammering) 238 00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:23,963 Bad dog! Very bad dog! 239 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,565 Crap dog! 240 00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:27,634 (whining) 241 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,036 Lisa, quick! Get the first aid kit! 242 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,705 But we don't have a first aid kit. 243 00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:35,308 ‐Look under the tree. ‐Oh. 244 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,514 (whines) 245 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,084 Well, if he's staying outside, I'm staying outside. 246 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,052 You are not staying outside! 247 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,754 You are not the boss here! 248 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:51,057 Well, I am, and he paid me to tell you what to do. 249 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,059 This boy is sleeping outside. 250 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,427 Yes, sir. 251 00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:57,597 (Marge sighs) 252 00:09:57,664 --> 00:10:00,700 ‐What are we going to do? ‐Aw, no problem, sweetie. 253 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,069 There are a lot of dog doctors out there. 254 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,170 (humming) 255 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:11,678 Hey. Hello. 256 00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:13,680 Oh, look at this handsome guy. 257 00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:15,348 What's up with you, fella? 258 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,450 Um, he bit my mom. 259 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,052 Oh, I see. Well, we've had a cancellation, 260 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,521 so if you like, we can just put him down right now. 261 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:22,789 ‐What?! ‐No! 262 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,125 I‐I don't think that's necessary. 263 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,393 Oh, no, I'm afraid once a biter always a biter. 264 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,095 Unless you, like, train 'em or something, 265 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,197 but that's... that's crazy hard. 266 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,099 Would you like a minute to say goodbye? 267 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,901 No way. We're leaving. 268 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,937 And I don't even want to look at you. 269 00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:39,739 Hmm. I feel like the Pixar logo. 270 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,107 ‐(clattering) ‐D'oh! 271 00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:43,376 What are we going to do with the dog? 272 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,979 I guess he's just gonna have to stay in the doghouse 273 00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:48,448 I built for him. 274 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,483 ‐D'oh! ‐(doorbell rings) 275 00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,987 Hey‐a, kids. The vet reported your dog as a biter, 276 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,223 so I'm supposed to wait until animal control gets here 277 00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,825 to take him away. 278 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,059 ‐(gasps) ‐What? 279 00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,061 So, uh, well, while we wait, 280 00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:04,197 uh, you want to play Simon Says? 281 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,999 Simon says don't kill our dog. 282 00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:08,034 Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm Simon. 283 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,202 (laughs): You're‐you're not Simon. 284 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:12,739 (moans) Dad! They're coming for our dog! 285 00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:17,076 I won't let you, you... you big blue balloon. 286 00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:20,346 Ooh, I like the image. Hey, imagine me in a parade, huh? 287 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,915 Oh, boy. 288 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,352 Oh, darn it. 289 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,854 You call them and tell them 290 00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:30,723 we are not letting you take our dog. 291 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:32,892 I can't cancel. They're already on the app. 292 00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,028 It says they're six minutes away. See? 293 00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:37,096 Uh‐huh. 294 00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,431 Oh, they missed a turn. 295 00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:39,966 Oh, now they're doing a U‐ey. 296 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:43,570 Geez, hope this guy euthanizes better than he drives. 297 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,071 Dad, quick, take our dog 298 00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,040 and drive as far and fast as you can. 299 00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:48,575 ‐(whispers): Yes, sir. ‐(knocking on door) 300 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:49,876 (all gasp) 301 00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,778 Oh, God, it's too late. 302 00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,780 Dr. Wolff? 303 00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:55,882 Look, I need to tell you this one thing. 304 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,717 Something I saw in your dog's eyes. 305 00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:59,953 He's at breaking point, and unless he has 306 00:12:00,019 --> 00:12:03,590 some kind of catharsis, something terrible could happen. 307 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:04,991 He bit my mom. 308 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,626 It is gratifying to be right. 309 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,862 Oh, how awful. 310 00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:12,699 Animal control is coming to get him right now. 311 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:16,002 You can't stop them. They got sticks with wire loops. 312 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,037 Kids, pack his things. 313 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:21,207 And I'll need this. This dog is coming with me. 314 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,343 Well, I am not leaving here empty‐handed. 315 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,345 ‐Make me a sandwich. ‐No. 316 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,713 Okay, all right. 317 00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:28,948 Being a police chief really sucks. 318 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,052 ‐Here you go. ‐(sniffles) 319 00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:34,687 (moans) 320 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,689 Listen, I packed you some biscuits. 321 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,926 And even though I deplore the killing of all animals, 322 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:43,062 when you come to the salami, it's from me. 323 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:47,567 (moans) Now who will chase squirrels with me? 324 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:48,835 (whines) 325 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:52,472 (siren wailing) 326 00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,540 (groans) You better get going. 327 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,143 Wait. I'm not an emotional guy, but... 328 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,581 Mwah. 329 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,817 (chuckles) Get a doghouse, you two. 330 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,957 (dogs barking) 331 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:17,397 Here. Have some Snausage water as you watch this video. 332 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,333 NARRATOR: Here at the Institute, there are no bad dogs. 333 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,335 In answer to the age‐old question, 334 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,872 "Who's a good dog?" You are. You are. 335 00:13:25,938 --> 00:13:28,374 Relax in our pile of wet dead leaves 336 00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,277 or enjoy fine dining at The Dropped Porkchop. 337 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:34,947 And here's our guarantee to you: no fireworks. 338 00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:37,350 We'll have you feeling better in no time. 339 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:40,019 Well, uh, there's nothing physically wrong with you, 340 00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:43,356 but to establish trust, I'll sleep in your den tonight. 341 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:50,963 Well, a little bit of, uh, reading before bed? (chuckles) 342 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,231 (squeaking) 343 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,033 (sighs) 344 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,403 ♪ ♪ 345 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,105 (whines, barks) 346 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,641 "Dog having nightmare, 347 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:05,078 perhaps about the root of it all." 348 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:08,081 ♪ ♪ 349 00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:34,207 (speaking gibberish) 350 00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:35,908 (barks) 351 00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:38,244 Oh, you poor thing. 352 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:41,314 Have some Lambien. It'll help you sleep. 353 00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:45,017 (moans contentedly) 354 00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:50,957 Dad, am I gonna get my dog back? 355 00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:52,759 (laughs): Of course. 356 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:56,095 But just in case, I know this isn't the kind of thing 357 00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:59,732 a father says to his son, but let's pray. 358 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:03,469 Almighty patron saint of dogs, Saint Bernard... 359 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:06,739 ‐Oh, can I join in? ‐Sure. 360 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,041 ‐I'll pray, too. ‐Wow. 361 00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:11,511 Losing our dog, possibly forever, 362 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:12,879 has really brought us together. 363 00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,680 No! 364 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,482 Sorry, sorry. Back to the prayer. 365 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,985 Okay, now I need to see what set you off. 366 00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:23,156 How do you feel about Marge? 367 00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,758 (sniffing, panting) 368 00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:28,094 ‐(thunder crashes) ‐(whimpering) 369 00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:34,233 (speaking gibberish) 370 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,935 (sighs) 371 00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,938 She is comfort. Hmm. 372 00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:41,040 ‐So, what happened? ‐CLAY: Elaine? 373 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,075 Hello? 374 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:46,112 The car is here. Tuscany awaits. 375 00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,114 Oh, Clay. 376 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,916 Ugh, I should have called. 377 00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:52,919 Darling, I've done something impulsive. 378 00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:56,055 You know how Mother always wanted you to wear her ring, 379 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:59,292 but she died at a time when we had no hope. 380 00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:02,995 And in my heartache, I let them bury her with it. 381 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:07,567 So I dug her up and, uh, will you marry me? 382 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,735 I know "exhumed" 383 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:13,506 isn't usually the most romantic word, but... 384 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:17,143 Oh, Clay. I can't marry you now. 385 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,412 But I can meet you in Tuscany in a few weeks. 386 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,980 I might not be there. 387 00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:23,916 I can't compete with a wagging tail. 388 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,084 Goodbye, Clay. 389 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:28,855 I want you to know I'm already over you. 390 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:31,891 ‐(whimpering) ‐Oh, no, no, not your fault. 391 00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,227 Human nonsense. Let's get back to work. 392 00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,295 (cries) 393 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,602 Today, I want you to interact with the pack. 394 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,471 Mingle. Sniff a butt you don't know. 395 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:52,111 ‐(sniffing) ‐(growling) 396 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,080 ‐(barks) ‐(yelping) 397 00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:56,349 Okay, interesting. 398 00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:57,950 Let's explore that. 399 00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:04,857 (whimpering) 400 00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,859 (barking) 401 00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,161 You buried this here. Why? 402 00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:11,964 Is this the key that unlocks your psyche? 403 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,966 Bark once for "yes," bark twice 404 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,302 for "that's too simplistic a view of canine psychology." 405 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,904 (barks twice) 406 00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:21,674 Oh, hi. Is that our dog? 407 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:25,478 (whispers): Or one that looks just like it to fool the kids? 408 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,014 (gasps) You're back! Aw. 409 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,016 Where did this come from? 410 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:33,419 Uh, I would have to say the North Pole? 411 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,421 Wait, Dad? That was the hat I was wearing 412 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,424 the night we got Santa's Little Helper. Remember? 413 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:39,825 ‐Go! Go! Come on, boy! ‐Go, Santa's Little Helper! 414 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,494 ‐Run! Run! ‐Come on! Get that rabbit! 415 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,996 ANNOUNCER: Dog of War coming up fast on the outside... 416 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,933 Aw, can we keep him, Dad? Please? 417 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,936 But he's a loser. He's pathetic. 418 00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,938 He's... 419 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,006 a Simpson. 420 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,943 Santa's Little Helper was a racing dog? 421 00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,679 (scoffs) Not much of one. Even I could beat him. 422 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,013 Oh, it's all clear now. 423 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,848 Your dog has PTSD. 424 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,650 And he has to confront his abuser, 425 00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,786 and he's gonna do it right now. 426 00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:10,156 Actually, we're in the middle of a holiday brunch, so... 427 00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:12,024 But I‐I'm with you. 428 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,060 Uh, goodbye, everybody. 429 00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:17,563 So, how many balls are we allowed of croquembouche? 430 00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:20,900 Let's see if they have HBO GO. 431 00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,969 I've wanted to watch Euphoria, 432 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,304 but I'm embarrassed to have it in my viewing history. 433 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,379 Les Moore? Greyhound trainer? 434 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,982 ‐Yeah, that's me. ‐Dog abuser! 435 00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:39,018 Can I offer you a drink to throw in my face? 436 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,020 ‐Yeah, I'd like that. ‐Yes, I bet you would. 437 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:42,989 I was being sarcastic, naturally. 438 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:43,990 (grunts) 439 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,158 Not all trainers are monsters. 440 00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:49,495 Yeah, I remember this mutt. Uh, Santa's Little Helper. 441 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,497 Yeah! Hey, what'd you rename him? 442 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,899 ‐We didn't. ‐Boy, are you lazy. 443 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,902 He was born to one of the fastest in the business, 444 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:57,903 She Biscuit. 445 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,905 Oh, he was her favorite. 446 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,274 And boy, did he love her. 447 00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:04,176 That's how we learned how fast he was. 448 00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:07,113 So naturally, we took him from his mother forever. 449 00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:09,615 ‐(loud slap) ‐Did you just slap me again? 450 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,450 ‐That was me. ‐You cut the line. 451 00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:13,452 ‐I want to slap. (grunts) ‐Ow. 452 00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:14,720 ‐(grunting) ‐Ow. Ow. 453 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,722 ‐Here, Maggie. ‐Ow. 454 00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,858 There. Now we've all had a turn. 455 00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:20,393 ‐Not quite. ‐(growling) 456 00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:22,728 Ow! Okay, I get it. 457 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:26,399 Boy, suddenly, the guy who tortures dogs is the bad guy. 458 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:28,868 (whimpering) 459 00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,670 Now what does he want? 460 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:33,072 ("The Way We Were" playing) 461 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,975 Son of a gun. 462 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,043 Where's he going? 463 00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,210 Uh... (clears throat) 464 00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:39,979 To his, uh, to his mother. 465 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:43,315 Oh, I love happy endings. 466 00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:45,284 ♪ ♪ 467 00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:04,003 ♪ Memories ♪ 468 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:08,574 ♪ Light the corners of my mind... ♪ 469 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,177 He'll be all right now. (chuckles, sniffles) 470 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,179 Thank you so much. 471 00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:15,181 Oh, you're welcome. 472 00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:17,516 (sighs) I better be getting home. 473 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:20,286 I've got 20 dogs to walk. (chuckles) 474 00:20:20,352 --> 00:20:23,389 I could, uh, use some help. 475 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,424 (Marge grumbles softly) 476 00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:26,759 Fine. 477 00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:35,267 It's so great everyone in this family worked out their issues. 478 00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,842 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 479 00:21:30,356 --> 00:21:31,090 Shh!