1 00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:04,538 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,578 BART: Mm. Hmm. 3 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:13,413 So Ionic. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:14,748 (yawns) 5 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,917 If I wanted to be bored on a Saturday, I would have 6 00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:19,062 signed up for that management training program at work. 7 00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:22,823 At least there I know where the good toilets are. 8 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,658 Wait, what training program? 9 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,793 Oh, it's some dumb career development thing 10 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,795 at the plant, so you can become a manager 11 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,265 and have more responsibility. (laughs) 12 00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:32,533 Who needs that trap? 13 00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,768 But we could really use more money. 14 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:37,771 You've had the same entry‐level job your whole career. 15 00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,773 Hey, don't knock entry level, Marge. 16 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,676 At least I don't have to wear long‐sleeve shirts, 17 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:45,512 go to webinars and supervise a bunch 18 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,581 of entry‐level losers, 19 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,716 with their short‐sleeve shirts. 20 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,786 Homer, I can't be the only one in this family 21 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,022 who wants more for us. 22 00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:56,657 (gasps) I want more. 23 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,892 I just don't want to do anything to earn it. 24 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,594 For once in your life, 25 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,063 would it kill you to show a little ambition? 26 00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,765 ‐(huffs) ‐(huffs) 27 00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:08,735 Ah, ambition is indeed a timeless source of conflict. 28 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,604 (gasps) A lost senior. 29 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:13,273 (enunciating): Where is your family? 30 00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:15,609 As a matter of fact, I just curated 31 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,644 an exhibit about a Roman family 32 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:20,347 torn asunder by the hunger for more. 33 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:23,517 The Life of Obeseus the Wide. 34 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,386 Ooh, maybe an historical allegory 35 00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:28,522 could help us work out our issues. 36 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,123 Once again, bickering in public 37 00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,859 gets us free therapy from strangers. 38 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,628 Bickering most tragic. 39 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:38,865 For ambition was the force that built the Roman Empire 40 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,268 and that which tore it apart. 41 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,670 Obeseus was born to a poor farmer 42 00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:46,506 with much land, but no ox to plow it. 43 00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:49,276 So he improvised. 44 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,311 Life on the farm was cruel. 45 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,847 But it chiseled young Obeseus into quite 46 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,149 the Italian beefcake. 47 00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,618 Good news, plow son. 48 00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:00,687 We finally got enough money to buy us an ox. 49 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,956 Woo‐hoo! How'd you do that, father? 50 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:04,625 I sold you into slavery. 51 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:07,094 - Arrivederci, sucker. - (grunts) 52 00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:12,065 CURATOR: A frightened Obeseus 53 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,834 and his new work friends 54 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,535 were taken to Rome. 55 00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:18,872 The boys had never seen anything like it‐‐ the crowds, 56 00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,507 the noise, the grand scale 57 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:23,410 of the pornographic graffiti. 58 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,380 But the worst was yet to come. 59 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:28,515 Gentlemen, today you have the honor 60 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:31,551 of being hacked to death on the field of battle. 61 00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:34,154 Us? But we're not gladiators. 62 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:35,689 Not with that attitude. 63 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:38,125 Remember, there are no small wounds, 64 00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:41,261 only small victims. 65 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,263 (whimpering) 66 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,565 (crowd cheering) 67 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,802 Hailing from Germania, 68 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:52,039 he's the Saxon who's always axe‐in'‐‐ 69 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,708 Wolfus Rein! 70 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,843 (cheering) 71 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,078 And in the shaking tunic, 72 00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:00,681 hailing from who knows, nobody cares‐‐ 73 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,683 that guy. 74 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,485 (booing) 75 00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,954 ‐(whimpering) ‐(growling) 76 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,956 Someone's in here. 77 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,525 (grunts) 78 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,495 Aah! 79 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,532 CURATOR: Obeseus didn't know much, 80 00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,667 but he knew how to be an ox. 81 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,670 (Obeseus bellows) 82 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:25,739 ‐(grunting) ‐(groaning) 83 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,509 Juno, Mother of Apollo. 84 00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:32,879 All right, pal, should we call it a tie? 85 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,881 A‐Aah! 86 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,550 (cheering) 87 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,685 All hail our new champion, 88 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,554 Mr. Plow himself, 89 00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,856 Obeseus! 90 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,125 - Yeah! - (cheering) 91 00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:46,760 Oh... 92 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,729 That chiseled bumpkin just killed 93 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,864 my prized psychopath. 94 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,666 Feed him to the hippos. 95 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,402 No, Father, look how the crowd loves him. 96 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:58,872 That hunky rube could put a lot of togas in the seats. 97 00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:02,075 Majora, you have quite the mind 98 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,211 for the family business. 99 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:07,814 The man‐ox will live to fight another day. 100 00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,683 (lowing) 101 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,784 Mm. 102 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,487 CURATOR: Obeseus' fame grew 103 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,989 as he rose through the gladiatorial ranks. 104 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,657 Women wanted him 105 00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:20,560 and men wanted to be killed by him. 106 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,496 (cheering) 107 00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:25,265 But still he yearned for that 108 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,200 which he longed for. 109 00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,704 MAJORA: Eye... heart... U! 110 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,806 Oh... 111 00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:38,912 (sighs) You guys think we'll ever be free again? 112 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,981 (scoffs) The only way we're leaving this place 113 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:43,116 is carried out in chunks. 114 00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,785 Uh, don't mind me, fellas. 115 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,953 Another clog in the chunk chute. (chuckles) 116 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:50,257 They got to start cutting you guys into smaller pieces. 117 00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:52,959 Let us make a sacred pact before the gods. 118 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,661 If one of us ever gets free, 119 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,597 he'll do everything he can to free the rest of us. 120 00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,232 To freedom. 121 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,534 ALL: To freedom! 122 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,103 Yeah, to freedom. (chuckles) 123 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:06,206 Eh, you chunks are no fun. 124 00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:10,377 Well, if it isn't the champion of Rome himself. 125 00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:13,046 (gasps) Lady Majora. 126 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,614 What are you doing here? 127 00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:18,185 I have to keep an eye on my father's investments. 128 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,453 Plus, I like the way your pecs dance 129 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,189 after you kill a guy. 130 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,257 (giggles) These old things? 131 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,694 Blip, blip, bla‐bla, blip, Blip, bla‐bla, blip. 132 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,796 (growls, laughs) 133 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:33,867 Mm‐hmm. 134 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,636 (sing‐songy): Swish and slash and spin and kick 135 00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:39,806 and slice that belly and hello, guts. 136 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,008 It would appear that one of you lowly gladiators 137 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:45,378 has impregnated my daughter. 138 00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:46,813 Tell me who laid with her, 139 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,217 and the rest of you will be spared the lash. 140 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,952 Mm... 141 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,521 I had sexicus. 142 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:58,225 - I had sexicus. - I had sexicus. 143 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,293 I had sexicus. 144 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,529 - I had sexicus. - I had sexicus. 145 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,064 I had sexicus. 146 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,432 You jerks! 147 00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,067 You knew I liked her. 148 00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,536 We were covering for you, jackass. 149 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,670 Oh, right. 150 00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,339 Sir, I'm in love with your daughter. 151 00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:14,941 If you must punish someone, punish me. 152 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:18,545 Place his head on the beheading block. 153 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:19,613 (gasps) 154 00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:24,451 Which is also the unlocking block. 155 00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,387 Rise, for you are now free... 156 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:28,388 Woo‐hoo! 157 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:31,091 - ...to marry my daughter. - D'oh! 158 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,493 (chuckling): I‐I mean, great. 159 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,030 What could be more liberating than marriage? 160 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,666 CURATOR: The young lovers were wed for all the gods to see. 161 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,769 And plans were made for their future. 162 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,038 So that you may build a life together, 163 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:48,475 I give you the deed to one of my many businesses. 164 00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,510 Oh, thank you, Daddy. 165 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,979 I have so many great ideas. 166 00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:56,149 Oh, my little vestal non‐virgin, 167 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,852 leave the business talk to the men. 168 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,087 (sighs) 169 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:04,190 Now, Obeseus, to get things started, 170 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:08,094 please, take some slaves on the house. 171 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:11,231 Aw, slaves? You shouldn't ha... 172 00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:13,333 (gasps) I can't own my friends. 173 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,202 I swore a sacred oath to free them. 174 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,371 CURATOR: Majora then understood: 175 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,041 for a woman to have any voice in this world, 176 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,244 it would have to come out of her husband's stupid mouth. 177 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,213 My love, you are so noble 178 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,116 to take on the backbreaking work of four men, 179 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,217 day in, day out, 180 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,219 no matter how poor and hungry 181 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,488 - it shall leave you. - (weak chuckle) 182 00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:39,092 Look, fellas, no one honors oaths more than me. 183 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,593 No one. 184 00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,862 Just give me a little time till we get on our feet, 185 00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,531 then I'll totally free you. 186 00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,599 Management thanks you for your patience. 187 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:49,803 CURATOR: And, so, in choosing greed over loyalty, 188 00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:52,505 the young couple began their rise to power... 189 00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:55,675 and their fall from grace. 190 00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:59,145 Well, now I feel stupid getting them a wedding gift. 191 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:01,580 (whines) 192 00:08:06,347 --> 00:08:07,958 CURATOR: Obeseus entered the second act of his life 193 00:08:07,982 --> 00:08:11,045 running the dirty, bloody business 194 00:08:11,046 --> 00:08:12,614 given to him by his father‐in‐law‐‐ 195 00:08:12,681 --> 00:08:14,783 a laundromat. 196 00:08:14,850 --> 00:08:16,551 (yawns) 197 00:08:17,181 --> 00:08:19,951 CURATOR: Fun fact: in Ancient Rome, clothes were washed 198 00:08:20,017 --> 00:08:23,854 with ammonia, which is derived from human urine. 199 00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:24,921 What's up, Dad? 200 00:08:24,956 --> 00:08:26,290 How's the whiz biz? 201 00:08:26,357 --> 00:08:29,727 - Mellow and yellow. - (laughs) 202 00:08:29,794 --> 00:08:31,495 Why is the store closed? 203 00:08:31,562 --> 00:08:32,663 It's only noon. 204 00:08:32,730 --> 00:08:34,999 Me and the fellas are all peed out. 205 00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:38,269 How am I supposed to make things clean without human waste? 206 00:08:38,336 --> 00:08:40,171 This business has been failing for years 207 00:08:40,237 --> 00:08:42,540 because you've been phoning it in. 208 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,208 Figure it out. 209 00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:47,044 Hey, uh, "boss"? (groans) 210 00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:48,346 We came up with an idea that 211 00:08:48,412 --> 00:08:50,448 could increase ammonia production. 212 00:08:50,514 --> 00:08:53,184 All you got to do is put these jugs outside of taverns, 213 00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:55,319 and you'll get your urinus gratis. 214 00:08:55,386 --> 00:08:58,622 Crowdsourcing a streaming service, eh? 215 00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:00,825 - I'm a genius! - (all huff) 216 00:09:00,891 --> 00:09:02,693 ♪ ♪ 217 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:06,097 CURATOR: Stealing the idea of his indentured friends, 218 00:09:06,163 --> 00:09:08,265 Obeseus was soon flush 219 00:09:08,332 --> 00:09:09,700 - in liquid assets. - (sloshing) 220 00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:11,402 And he was able to move his family 221 00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:14,372 to the more prosperous side of town. 222 00:09:14,438 --> 00:09:16,640 ("Movin' on Up" playing in Latin) 223 00:09:42,066 --> 00:09:44,502 Lennus, I'm fatigued. 224 00:09:44,568 --> 00:09:46,037 Yawn for me? 225 00:09:46,103 --> 00:09:48,873 (yawns loudly) 226 00:09:48,939 --> 00:09:51,742 Obeseus, we gave you the idea that made you rich. 227 00:09:51,809 --> 00:09:54,045 How about making good on your promise, 228 00:09:54,111 --> 00:09:55,579 and freeing us now? 229 00:09:55,646 --> 00:09:57,915 Guys, guys, guys, thank you so much 230 00:09:57,982 --> 00:09:59,283 for bringing this up. 231 00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:01,685 I'm really lucky to own friends like you. 232 00:10:01,752 --> 00:10:03,687 Tell you what, I'll have my accountant 233 00:10:03,754 --> 00:10:05,890 crunch the letters, and we'll circle back. 234 00:10:05,956 --> 00:10:07,191 The important thing is 235 00:10:07,258 --> 00:10:09,660 we started a conversation. 236 00:10:09,727 --> 00:10:10,928 (all grumble) 237 00:10:10,995 --> 00:10:12,496 ♪ ♪ 238 00:10:13,798 --> 00:10:16,233 And now let us thank Lord Jupiter 239 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:20,037 for a bountiful harvest by draining the blood 240 00:10:20,104 --> 00:10:23,207 of this baby goat. 241 00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:24,274 ‐(bleats) ‐(grunts) 242 00:10:24,308 --> 00:10:26,210 Aw, these seats suck. 243 00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:28,245 Can't even see the entrails from here. 244 00:10:28,312 --> 00:10:31,649 Well, they save all the best seats for the senators. 245 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,117 (Homer whines) 246 00:10:33,184 --> 00:10:35,086 Hmm. 247 00:10:35,152 --> 00:10:37,888 What if you became a senator? 248 00:10:37,955 --> 00:10:40,257 Think about how much more respected we'd be. 249 00:10:40,324 --> 00:10:43,260 I don't know. It sounds like a lot of work. 250 00:10:43,327 --> 00:10:44,862 Sitting there all day, 251 00:10:44,929 --> 00:10:47,698 listening, voting on stuff with my thumb. 252 00:10:47,765 --> 00:10:49,133 But think of the perks. 253 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,869 You'll get invited to fancier orgies. 254 00:10:51,936 --> 00:10:54,772 - The kinds with women. - They have those? 255 00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:58,642 CURATOR: And with that, Obeseus marched down the Appian Way 256 00:10:58,709 --> 00:11:00,678 to plead his case to the emperor, 257 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:04,081 confident that he would be welcomed into the senate. 258 00:11:04,148 --> 00:11:07,685 (laughs) The pee guy, a senator? 259 00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:10,087 That would be an insult to the dignity of this office. 260 00:11:10,154 --> 00:11:13,090 Now if you'll excuse me, Senator Horse and I 261 00:11:13,157 --> 00:11:15,493 are going shopping for lewd pottery. 262 00:11:16,494 --> 00:11:18,629 Oh... 263 00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:20,898 Stupid emperor. 264 00:11:20,965 --> 00:11:24,435 Thinks he's great 'cause his bangs are so curly. 265 00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:27,471 Oh, Majora's gonna be so mad. 266 00:11:27,538 --> 00:11:30,641 I'd do anything to be a senator. 267 00:11:30,708 --> 00:11:31,976 Anything, eh? 268 00:11:32,042 --> 00:11:34,778 You know, as the emperor's politically adopted son, 269 00:11:34,845 --> 00:11:38,349 I am next in line to the throne should anything happen to... 270 00:11:38,415 --> 00:11:40,184 (chuckles) Daddy. 271 00:11:40,251 --> 00:11:42,953 Like, say, him slipping and falling back‐first 272 00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:44,255 onto a knife. 273 00:11:44,321 --> 00:11:46,624 Oh, that happened to me once. Sucked. 274 00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:49,493 (groans) Kill the emperor and I'll make you a senator. 275 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,329 (gasps) Kill the emperor to become senator? 276 00:11:52,396 --> 00:11:54,331 But what's in it for me? 277 00:11:54,398 --> 00:11:56,267 CURATOR: Jacta alea est. 278 00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:58,402 The die was cast. 279 00:11:58,469 --> 00:12:01,639 ♪ When in Rome you do as the Romans do ♪ 280 00:12:01,705 --> 00:12:05,042 ♪ You play as the Romans play together. ♪ 281 00:12:05,109 --> 00:12:07,044 Hey, get out of here, you. 282 00:12:07,111 --> 00:12:08,812 This is my private vomitorium 283 00:12:08,879 --> 00:12:12,082 and I've got a belly full of hot figs. (heaves) 284 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:15,052 - (groans) - Come on, you figs. (heaves) 285 00:12:15,119 --> 00:12:17,354 (grunting) 286 00:12:18,856 --> 00:12:22,326 Et... tu... pee guy? 287 00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:25,763 ‐(grunts) ‐(whimpers) 288 00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,765 (laughs) History rules! 289 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:28,933 (grunts) 290 00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,467 Poor Majora. 291 00:12:30,534 --> 00:12:32,970 She wanted her husband to be more ambitious, 292 00:12:33,037 --> 00:12:34,705 but not like this. 293 00:12:34,772 --> 00:12:36,941 Well, actually... 294 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,375 Mm‐hmm. (exclaims) 295 00:12:38,442 --> 00:12:42,079 Give me a kiss, you big, stabby go‐getter. 296 00:12:42,146 --> 00:12:43,347 - Ooh. - (moaning) 297 00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:44,949 (Majora chuckles) 298 00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,650 I love my job. 299 00:12:50,393 --> 00:12:51,677 CURATOR: Over the next ten years, 300 00:12:51,678 --> 00:12:53,934 Senator Obeseus' power grew vastly, 301 00:12:54,602 --> 00:12:56,037 as did his toga size. 302 00:12:56,103 --> 00:12:58,472 And Majora reveled in the high status, 303 00:12:58,539 --> 00:12:59,941 hosting the town's elite 304 00:13:00,007 --> 00:13:02,543 at her lavish Saturnalia party. 305 00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:06,180 (laughs) I love your holiday decorations. 306 00:13:06,247 --> 00:13:08,783 It lets those pesky Christians know they aren't going to win 307 00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:10,785 the war on Saturnalia. 308 00:13:10,852 --> 00:13:12,320 So, noble slaves, 309 00:13:12,386 --> 00:13:15,790 what gift do you desire from your benevolent master? 310 00:13:15,857 --> 00:13:18,226 Uh... our friggin' freedom. 311 00:13:18,713 --> 00:13:21,449 Yeah, well, the thing about that is... 312 00:13:22,223 --> 00:13:24,192 Why do we even bother asking anymore? 313 00:13:24,258 --> 00:13:25,793 He's never gonna free us. 314 00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:28,429 This has been building up for a while: 315 00:13:28,496 --> 00:13:30,098 you give slave owners a bad name. 316 00:13:30,164 --> 00:13:31,666 (gasps) What? 317 00:13:31,733 --> 00:13:34,669 - (sighs) What a giant jerk. - Ugh, he's the worst. 318 00:13:34,736 --> 00:13:37,572 Dad, Bartigula's out of control. 319 00:13:37,638 --> 00:13:40,208 Look what he's doing to Ptolemaic Book Guy. 320 00:13:40,274 --> 00:13:42,844 - Ow. - Why are you flaying yourself? 321 00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:45,046 - Ow! - Why are you flaying yourself? 322 00:13:45,113 --> 00:13:46,914 An interesting paradox. 323 00:13:46,981 --> 00:13:50,251 For does free will truly exist or... Ow! 324 00:13:50,318 --> 00:13:51,919 Growing up rich and spoiled 325 00:13:51,986 --> 00:13:54,789 has turned your son into a monster. 326 00:13:54,856 --> 00:13:55,857 It's not my fault. 327 00:13:55,923 --> 00:13:57,692 I never spend any time with him. 328 00:13:57,759 --> 00:13:58,826 (grumbles) 329 00:13:58,893 --> 00:14:00,194 Aw. 330 00:14:00,261 --> 00:14:02,697 My son's a maniac. My daughter's not a son. 331 00:14:02,764 --> 00:14:04,932 My slaves hate me for some reason. 332 00:14:04,999 --> 00:14:07,168 (sighs) Heavy lies the head 333 00:14:07,235 --> 00:14:10,538 that wears the wig of curly bangs. 334 00:14:10,605 --> 00:14:11,639 Mm. 335 00:14:11,706 --> 00:14:13,441 I'm spent. 336 00:14:13,508 --> 00:14:17,145 Just gonna take a bath in warm donkey milk and go to sleep. 337 00:14:17,211 --> 00:14:20,281 I can't believe the emperor didn't even come to my party. 338 00:14:20,348 --> 00:14:23,151 He wouldn't even be emperor if not for you. 339 00:14:23,217 --> 00:14:24,795 Yeah, well, what do you want me to do about it‐‐ 340 00:14:24,819 --> 00:14:26,621 kill the emperor? 341 00:14:26,687 --> 00:14:29,323 Well, if that's what you want. 342 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:31,759 You can even use the present I got you. 343 00:14:31,826 --> 00:14:33,761 Sweet jumpin' Jupiter! 344 00:14:33,828 --> 00:14:35,063 What more do you want? 345 00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:36,464 We started at the bottom 346 00:14:36,531 --> 00:14:39,067 and now we're one rung from the top. 347 00:14:39,133 --> 00:14:41,636 It's a natural stopping point. 348 00:14:41,702 --> 00:14:43,805 Will you never be satisfied? 349 00:14:43,871 --> 00:14:46,074 Pardon me, Senator. 350 00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:49,577 I'm sorry you find my ambition so distasteful. 351 00:14:49,644 --> 00:14:50,845 Just remember: 352 00:14:50,912 --> 00:14:54,382 power comes to those who take it. 353 00:14:56,617 --> 00:14:58,286 Mmm. (chuckles) 354 00:14:58,352 --> 00:15:00,721 Aw, yeah. Yeah. 355 00:15:00,788 --> 00:15:02,723 Milk, milk, milk. 356 00:15:02,790 --> 00:15:04,992 - ♪ ♪ - (cheering) 357 00:15:05,593 --> 00:15:07,061 To the Roman Empire. 358 00:15:07,128 --> 00:15:10,665 May it last forever, in some strange form or another. 359 00:15:10,731 --> 00:15:12,500 Ooh. 360 00:15:12,567 --> 00:15:14,335 Can't be too careful these days. 361 00:15:14,402 --> 00:15:15,870 Oh, taster. 362 00:15:18,606 --> 00:15:20,174 ‐(grunting) ‐Poison. 363 00:15:20,241 --> 00:15:22,176 Some has tried to kill me. 364 00:15:22,243 --> 00:15:23,911 (gasps) You didn't? 365 00:15:23,978 --> 00:15:25,613 You wouldn't. 366 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,649 When I find whoever did this, I will crush them like a... 367 00:15:28,716 --> 00:15:30,351 (grunts) 368 00:15:31,686 --> 00:15:33,087 (sniffs) 369 00:15:34,889 --> 00:15:37,925 - (all gasp) - The emperor is dead! 370 00:15:37,992 --> 00:15:40,561 Who will nominate his successor? 371 00:15:40,628 --> 00:15:43,664 Friends, Romans, countrymen. 372 00:15:43,731 --> 00:15:45,299 That's me. 373 00:15:45,366 --> 00:15:46,968 We deserve an emperor who can 374 00:15:47,034 --> 00:15:49,537 boldly lead us into the future. 375 00:15:49,604 --> 00:15:51,672 My son, Bartigula. 376 00:15:51,739 --> 00:15:53,341 Wha?! 377 00:15:54,742 --> 00:15:55,943 He was born rich, 378 00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:58,579 so he got to be good at business. 379 00:15:58,646 --> 00:16:00,548 (chanting): Bartigula! 380 00:16:00,615 --> 00:16:04,185 Bartigula! Bartigula! 381 00:16:04,252 --> 00:16:06,954 Bartigula! 382 00:16:07,021 --> 00:16:10,424 CURATOR: And so began the reign of Bartigula the Jerk. 383 00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:13,294 Eager to expand the empire, he declared war 384 00:16:13,361 --> 00:16:16,297 on Neptune, God of the sea. 385 00:16:16,364 --> 00:16:18,499 Despite some early victories, 386 00:16:18,566 --> 00:16:21,469 thousands drowned. 387 00:16:21,536 --> 00:16:24,539 Bartigula blamed the troubles of Rome 388 00:16:24,605 --> 00:16:27,141 on foreign invaders. 389 00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:30,945 So he built a large and expensive wall to keep them out. 390 00:16:31,012 --> 00:16:32,513 Awk, who needs ya? 391 00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:34,348 Ya Carthage‐sacking 392 00:16:34,415 --> 00:16:36,417 aqueduct guzzlers. 393 00:16:36,484 --> 00:16:38,953 CURATOR: And finally, to silence his critics, 394 00:16:39,020 --> 00:16:42,557 Bartigula dissolved the senate. 395 00:16:42,623 --> 00:16:44,759 Aah! 396 00:16:44,825 --> 00:16:47,962 CURATOR: The young emperor had gone mad with power. 397 00:16:48,029 --> 00:16:49,764 And syphilis. 398 00:16:49,830 --> 00:16:51,365 Listen up, Rome‐wads. 399 00:16:51,432 --> 00:16:52,466 The empire's in crisis, 400 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,368 the economy's in the crapatorium, 401 00:16:54,435 --> 00:16:56,571 and Neptune's kicking our butts, somehow. 402 00:16:56,637 --> 00:16:58,573 I now realize... 403 00:16:58,639 --> 00:17:01,809 I can no longer be your emperor. 404 00:17:01,876 --> 00:17:02,876 Oh. Phew. 405 00:17:02,910 --> 00:17:05,613 Because I am now your god! 406 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,014 (crowd clamoring) 407 00:17:07,081 --> 00:17:09,183 That's it. I'm taking a stand. 408 00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:10,484 (grunting) 409 00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:12,753 My son isn't a god. 410 00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:15,056 He's just an entitled little psycho. 411 00:17:15,122 --> 00:17:17,525 Society must come to its senses 412 00:17:17,592 --> 00:17:19,760 and overthrow this madman! 413 00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:22,129 - Uh... uh... - Hmm. I don't know. 414 00:17:22,196 --> 00:17:24,532 Blasphemy! Seize him! 415 00:17:25,499 --> 00:17:27,868 For your heresy, Father, I sentence you 416 00:17:27,935 --> 00:17:30,338 to be eaten by the lions. 417 00:17:30,404 --> 00:17:31,405 (gasps) 418 00:17:31,472 --> 00:17:34,342 Hmm. We're gonna need more lions. 419 00:17:34,408 --> 00:17:36,143 Why are we here? 420 00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:38,346 They said I could bring a couple of belongings. 421 00:17:38,412 --> 00:17:41,582 Hey, this is where we made our freedom pact, remember? 422 00:17:41,649 --> 00:17:44,919 The one you refused to honor for 20 years. 423 00:17:44,986 --> 00:17:47,054 (sighs) Not freeing you guys 424 00:17:47,121 --> 00:17:49,490 was the first worst thing I ever did, 425 00:17:49,557 --> 00:17:52,927 but I hereby decree you to be emancipated. 426 00:17:52,994 --> 00:17:55,429 Now face the dawn as free men. 427 00:17:55,496 --> 00:17:58,799 - We're in a jail cell, you dope. - (whines) 428 00:18:00,668 --> 00:18:03,170 Father, we have to get you out of the city. 429 00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:05,039 Hurry, and you can still escape. 430 00:18:05,106 --> 00:18:06,774 No, I'm not going to run. 431 00:18:06,841 --> 00:18:08,576 Because you physically can't? 432 00:18:08,643 --> 00:18:10,278 Yes, mostly, but also 433 00:18:10,344 --> 00:18:13,881 because we have to stop Bartigula and save the republic. 434 00:18:13,948 --> 00:18:16,484 Are you fellas with me? 435 00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:18,452 Uh... no. 436 00:18:18,519 --> 00:18:21,088 (groans) 437 00:18:21,155 --> 00:18:23,257 Oh. 438 00:18:23,324 --> 00:18:25,192 CURATOR: Though he had lost everything, 439 00:18:25,259 --> 00:18:29,330 Obeseus still had the heart of a warrior. 440 00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:34,335 (laughing) 441 00:18:34,402 --> 00:18:36,537 Looks like Hannibal's missing an elephant. 442 00:18:36,604 --> 00:18:37,905 ‐(laughter) ‐Oh, yeah. 443 00:18:37,972 --> 00:18:41,509 All hail the living god. 444 00:18:41,575 --> 00:18:43,377 We who are about to die 445 00:18:43,444 --> 00:18:45,646 salute you. 446 00:18:45,713 --> 00:18:47,348 - Oh! - (crowd laughing) 447 00:18:47,415 --> 00:18:48,916 (groans) 448 00:18:48,983 --> 00:18:52,053 You dare show me your moon flaps? 449 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:55,790 I will teach this old fool who is the true gluteus maximus. 450 00:18:55,856 --> 00:18:58,292 Bartigula, no! 451 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,561 CURATOR: There, in front of all Rome, 452 00:19:00,628 --> 00:19:04,265 father and son engaged in bloody battle. 453 00:19:05,299 --> 00:19:07,001 (whimpers) 454 00:19:07,068 --> 00:19:08,769 CURATOR: Bartigula was fast, 455 00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:11,372 but Obeseus was fatter. 456 00:19:11,439 --> 00:19:13,441 (grunts) 457 00:19:13,507 --> 00:19:16,277 (growling) 458 00:19:16,344 --> 00:19:19,914 CROWD (chanting): Kill the god! Kill the god! 459 00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:23,317 Obe, please spare our boy. 460 00:19:23,384 --> 00:19:24,885 What? 461 00:19:24,952 --> 00:19:28,389 (chuckles) Sic semper this, you fat load. 462 00:19:29,423 --> 00:19:31,359 Why, you littleus... 463 00:19:31,425 --> 00:19:33,427 (both grunting) 464 00:19:36,197 --> 00:19:38,199 No! 465 00:19:38,265 --> 00:19:40,434 (panting) My life is over. 466 00:19:40,501 --> 00:19:44,505 I failed Rome, was a less‐than‐perfect father. 467 00:19:44,572 --> 00:19:46,040 Worst of all, 468 00:19:46,107 --> 00:19:49,043 I really screwed over my friends. 469 00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:51,212 May the... gods... 470 00:19:51,278 --> 00:19:53,114 forgive me. 471 00:19:53,180 --> 00:19:55,516 (grunts) 472 00:19:55,583 --> 00:19:57,618 I poisoned everything I loved 473 00:19:57,685 --> 00:19:59,620 with my boundless ambition. 474 00:19:59,687 --> 00:20:02,423 My family is no more. 475 00:20:03,557 --> 00:20:04,892 (sighs) 476 00:20:04,959 --> 00:20:06,894 Mom, what about me? 477 00:20:06,961 --> 00:20:09,930 We never really... clicked. 478 00:20:09,997 --> 00:20:12,967 CURATOR: With that, the match was lit 479 00:20:13,033 --> 00:20:15,636 that would burn Rome to the ground... 480 00:20:15,703 --> 00:20:17,638 400 years later. 481 00:20:17,705 --> 00:20:19,907 Haw‐haw! 482 00:20:20,908 --> 00:20:23,811 Who knew history could be so sad? 483 00:20:23,878 --> 00:20:26,113 The moral of that story is clear: 484 00:20:26,180 --> 00:20:28,749 Marge is wrong and ambition is terrible. 485 00:20:28,816 --> 00:20:32,219 No, no, no. The lesson is that the unchecked lust 486 00:20:32,286 --> 00:20:33,721 for money and power can bring 487 00:20:33,788 --> 00:20:36,323 a once‐great nation to ruin. 488 00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:39,093 Does anyone think it was weird that Dad killed me? 489 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,262 Don't blame me. Blame your mother. 490 00:20:41,328 --> 00:20:44,098 I just wanted you to go to one lousy training seminar. 491 00:20:44,165 --> 00:20:46,333 Did you not even listen to the old guy's story about... 492 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,536 - (overlapping chatter) - (Curator groans) 493 00:20:48,602 --> 00:20:51,005 When will humanity ever learn... 494 00:20:51,071 --> 00:20:54,942 to stop letting stupid people into museums? 495 00:20:59,696 --> 00:21:02,462 - (overlapping chatter) - They're missing the whole point. 496 00:21:02,463 --> 00:21:05,100 If Rome had kept worshipping us, everything would have been fine. 497 00:21:05,516 --> 00:21:07,117 Get over it, Dad. 498 00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:10,387 You always get so worked up whenever you watch the mortals. 499 00:21:10,454 --> 00:21:11,788 Can we change the channel? 500 00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:13,390 This show sucks now. 501 00:21:13,457 --> 00:21:16,894 Yeah, it's totally gone off the rails since season 2016. 502 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,163 I know, but I want to see how it ends. 503 00:21:19,229 --> 00:21:21,532 Definitely feels like they're wrapping it up. 504 00:21:21,598 --> 00:21:23,901 Any day now. 505 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,475 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 506 00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:34,311 ♪ When in Rome you do like the Romans do ♪ 507 00:21:34,378 --> 00:21:37,948 ♪ You play like the Romans play together ♪ 508 00:21:38,015 --> 00:21:40,484 ♪ You're all invited, so right this way ♪ 509 00:21:40,551 --> 00:21:44,221 ♪ You're gonna meet the Roman holidays. ♪