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00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,843
CHALMERS:
Next item on the agenda.
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00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,111
Principal Duggins.
3
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,780
Well, I see that not one
of your students
4
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,717
was able to meet
the national fitness standards:
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00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:18,118
a light jog.
6
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,653
- (moans softly)
- Come on, Duggins.
7
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,922
You got to be a role model
for those lazy kids.
8
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:25,025
Tell them you put in
two hours a day stretching...
9
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,861
your lap band.
(laughs)
10
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,263
(munching)
11
00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:30,907
(imitates stomach stretching
and popping)
12
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,900
(all laughing)
13
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,937
Oh, my goodness.
Thank you, Principal Finch.
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00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:40,707
Well, I guess we can cross
"hilarious joke" off the agenda.
15
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,776
Oh, I‐I've also got
a funny thing.
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00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:45,879
(chuckles)
Duggins' wife was unfaithful.
17
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,414
(chuckles)
18
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:51,018
Skinner,
learn how to read a room.
19
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,053
- Sorry, Duggins.
- Screw you.
20
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,723
Indeed. Now, as you all know,
this weekend in Cincinnati
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00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,893
is the national
administrator's convention,
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00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,395
or EDU‐CON.
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00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,197
And, uh, well,
I have been invited
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00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,099
to give the keynote address.
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00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,835
‐(excited chatter) ‐Oh, well.
26
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,737
Yes. Uh, Sunday.
(chuckles)
27
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,272
Main auditorium.
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00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:16,143
The Proctor & Gamble Room?
Crushed it!
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00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,279
(Skinner inhales, grunts)
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00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,715
Well, that couldn't
have gone worse.
31
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:22,983
I agree.
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00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,251
Yes, well, as you all know,
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00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,853
the budget
allows for a plus‐one,
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00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,789
and I was thinking I would bring
35
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:31,992
the principal
with the highest test scores,
36
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,394
- Finch.
- Well, that's not fair.
37
00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:36,964
Finch runs the magnet school
for gifted test takers.
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00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,766
Uh, sorry, Seymour,
but I have made my decision.
39
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,436
If it makes you feel any better,
you were never in the running.
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00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:46,239
Hey, we are gonna
light Cincinnati up.
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00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:48,718
I got a buddy who used to be the
long snapper for the Bengals.
42
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,978
He co‐owns
this amazing poké place.
43
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,779
Seaweed, furikake,
44
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,181
soakin' in ponzu!
45
00:01:54,247 --> 00:01:57,184
My God, you're cool.
46
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,689
Okay, this is
for all the marbles.
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00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,591
(grunts)
48
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:08,095
(laughs) No wonder Chalmers
is taking Finch to Cincinnati.
49
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,596
How'd you hear about that?
50
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,398
It's all over the playground.
51
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:12,966
♪ Chalmers went to Cincy ♪
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00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,534
♪ Didn't take our princy ♪
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00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:17,504
♪ How many tears
did Skinner cry? ♪
54
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,007
♪ One, two, three, four, five. ♪
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00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,508
Well, as usual,
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00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,977
the double Dutchers
have zeroed in on my pain.
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00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,512
(sighs)
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00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,714
Look, Seymour, are you ready
for some tough love?
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00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:28,882
Is there any other kind?
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00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,517
Being around you sucks.
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00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,619
No one's ever gonna invite you
to anything.
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00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,421
If there's a party
you want to go to,
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00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,722
you got to crash it,
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00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,457
or you'll spend
the rest of your life
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00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:40,627
sitting around with your hand
stuck in a pelvis.
66
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,965
It's too late.
The plus‐one has been invoked.
67
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,100
Dude, you're Seymour Skinner.
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00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,536
No matter how badly
you're treated,
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00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:50,713
you keep coming back for more.
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00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:53,140
That's your superpower. Use it!
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00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,776
You're right. I will.
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00:02:57,244 --> 00:03:00,380
Aw, look at you,
grazing the thumb.
73
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,185
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
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00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:06,687
(phone rings)
75
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,221
Finch, where are you?
76
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:09,823
We're going to miss our flight.
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00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,291
Can't make it, Gary.
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00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,669
I ate some pre‐trip poké
last night,
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00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,494
and it's blitzkrieging
my intestines.
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00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:17,097
I'm firing salmon eggs
from both ends.
81
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,799
But you're my ride
to the airport.
82
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,501
My car's in the shop
being winterized.
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00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:23,837
Sorry, dude. Yeah? Cool.
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00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,505
(groans)
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00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:28,375
Hop in, sir. We still have time
to make our flight.
86
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,378
Skinner?
W‐What are you doing here?
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00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,547
Well, I saw
on Finch's InstaSnap story
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00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,515
that he's firing salmon eggs
from both ends.
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00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,684
So I rushed over here at once.
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00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,053
You want to come with me
to Cincinnat‐‐ No. Thank you.
91
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,789
Very thoughtful, Seymour,
but I‐I wouldn't want to...
92
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,925
You wouldn't want
the school board to find out
93
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:47,427
you wasted the transferrable
but not refundable
94
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:50,997
$65 plus‐one registration fee?
95
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,767
(sighs)
No, I would not.
96
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,269
Oh, boy.
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00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,307
(grunting)
98
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,176
Ah, Game Night.
(chuckles)
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00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,978
Jason Bateman,
your boyish charisma
100
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,681
was made
for the low‐res seatback screen.
101
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,815
(whimpers)
102
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,217
Sir, are you all right?
103
00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:11,585
Uh, if you must know,
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00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,820
flying makes me
just a little bit nervous.
105
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,355
Where'd you put my carry‐on?
106
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,624
I'm going to pop
an antianxiety pill.
107
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,026
Oh, I gate‐checked your bag.
It's free,
108
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,496
and you don't have to fight
for precious overhead space.
109
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:24,798
Another classic
Skinner travel hack.
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00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,234
My pills were in that bag,
you idiot!
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00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,504
You‐‐ Okay. Okay.
(chuckles) I can do this.
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00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:33,240
(exhales) It's just
a short domestic flight.
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00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:35,408
I'm completely safe, right?
114
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,477
Sure. And if you're stressed,
you can take comfort
115
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:40,213
in the passengers'
many emotional support animals.
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00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,716
CHALMERS:
Ugh. Aah!
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00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,517
‐(oinks) ‐Pig?
118
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,352
‐(gobbles) ‐Aah!
119
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,120
I'm going to die
in a flying zoo.
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00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,889
(laughs)
121
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,858
(groaning nervously)
122
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,960
(laughs)
123
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:58,532
Everyone around you
is taking their shoes off.
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Okay, no one is safe.
No one's sa‐‐
125
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,738
That‐that phone
is not in airplane mode.
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00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,474
The pilot
dresses like an alcoholic!
127
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,743
Somebody's yelling!
Who is yelling?!
128
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,646
Where in the name of God
is the air marshal?!
129
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,714
(muffled shouting)
130
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:18,885
(grunts)
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00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:22,923
You're banned
from Air Cincinnati forever.
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00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:26,092
Well, we've got to get
another flight.
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00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,794
Uh, we can't, sir.
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Uh, Air Cincinnati's the only
airline that flies to Cincinnati
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00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,366
since the demise
of Cincin‐Air‐Y.
136
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:34,935
Well, that's just great.
That's great!
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00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,670
In 36 hours, I have to give
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00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,772
the most important speech
of my life.
139
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,274
Now, how in the name
of Satan's jockstrap
140
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,777
am I supposed to get there?
141
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,380
Please, sir.
If you give me one last chance,
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I will think of nothing else
but getting you
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00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,384
to that keynote speech on time.
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00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:54,688
Nah, I'll just drive myself.
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00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:57,424
(screeching)
146
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,860
All right, where is your car?
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00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,428
It, too, is being winterized.
148
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,430
But I know where to get one.
149
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:06,066
Oh, no.
You're not borrowing my Buick.
150
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,168
I just had it winterized.
151
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,770
But, Mother,
this road trip is my last chance
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00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:13,807
to become friends with the man
I admire most in the world.
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00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:14,941
Please.
154
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,844
Well, you did do such a nice job
155
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,880
re‐beading my eyeglass chain.
156
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:23,583
I guess a boy your age
should have friends.
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♪ ♪
158
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Ah, you, me
and the open road, huh?
159
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:37,397
Yeah. Maybe some music will make
the time pass more quickly.
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♪ Timothy, Timothy... ♪
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00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,203
I hope you like this song,
'cause it's stuck in the player,
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00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,871
and there's no volume knob.
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00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,974
♪ Timothy, Timothy ♪
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00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:52,412
♪ God, what did we do? ♪
165
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:00,921
Oh, did you know
that in Cincinnati, they have
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00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,923
four different ways
of preparing chili?
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You don't say, huh?
168
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:06,192
- Four different ways.
- The two‐way,
169
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,403
- chili with spaghetti.
- How about that.
170
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,029
- Spaghetti?
- The three‐way,
171
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,406
- chili with spaghetti
and cheese.
- Lot of ways.
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00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,798
- Please shut up.
- Oh! (chuckles)
173
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,409
- Oh, he's got more.
- And there's two kinds
174
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,877
- of four‐ways.
- I just... I‐I want to die.
175
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,537
Hmm? Mm!
176
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,405
(tires screech)
177
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,473
Hitchhikers! Oh, thank the Lord.
178
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,475
Hitchhikers, sir? Is this safe?
179
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,477
They can bury us
in a shallow grave
180
00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:26,746
as long as they don't talk
about chili.
181
00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:29,983
Thanks for picking us up.
We're on our way to a gig.
182
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,786
Oh, a‐a gig.
Are you, uh, musicians?
183
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:34,354
Oh, no. We do...
184
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,222
ALL:
Improv Shakespeare!
185
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,058
Improvisers?
186
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,760
In the style of Shakespeare?
That seems impossible.
187
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:43,229
Methinks this noble lord
doth doubt our wit.
188
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,333
We must perform
or else be deemed unfit!
189
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:50,136
A word, a word.
My kingdom for a word.
190
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:53,373
- No, no,
don't give them a suggestion.
- Cupholders.
191
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,508
To grasp a cup
would seem a great ordeal.
192
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:59,045
When one must keep both hands
upon the wheel.
193
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:03,016
The pentameter checks out.
Your parents must be so proud.
194
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,351
They're not.
195
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,418
(growls)
196
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:09,222
(Greg vocalizing
Mozart's "Greensleeves")
197
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,157
Toupee or not toupee,
198
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:12,459
that is the question.
199
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:15,195
You are the only ones
having fun!
200
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:16,429
Just you!
201
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,164
Oh, oh, beware the ides of...
202
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,066
- Truck!
- (all screaming)
203
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,469
(horn blaring)
204
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,241
(grunting)
205
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:33,113
Well, well, well,
what have we got here?
206
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,115
(chuckles)
Don't worry, Officer.
207
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,916
It's, uh, minor damage.
208
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,518
Nothing serious.
209
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:43,356
Alas, poor Buick.
I knew it well.
210
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,658
Oh!
(choking)
211
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:53,266
Dear Lord. Our car,
our wallets, our luggage,
212
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,502
they're all blown to shreds.
213
00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:57,237
But the keynote. Your speech.
214
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:58,905
It's all on the cards
right here.
215
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:02,208
But what good will it be
when some backwoods judge
216
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,743
throws the book at us, huh?
217
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:08,048
All rise for the Honorable
Judge J. T. Winchester.
218
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:12,218
Who dragged me in here
on a Saturday
219
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,220
in the middle
of my Lifetime movies?
220
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,456
I'm missing my Lifetimes!
221
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:19,926
An old woman who's enraged
by my very existence.
222
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,762
Don't worry, sir. I got this.
223
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,364
Your Honor,
permission to observe
224
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,901
that your poor cuticles
are raw and torn.
225
00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:29,335
Thanks to my idiot son.
226
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:32,205
He made my manicure appointment
with Tanya P.
227
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,740
instead of Tanya G.
228
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:36,943
Oh, well, that boy's
as useless as a shaved frog.
229
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,311
Now, Mother...
230
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,713
Hush up and empty the spittoons,
Fennimore.
231
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,382
(sighs)
232
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,351
You know, I always travel
233
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,387
with cuticle scissors
and jojoba oil.
234
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:50,390
Let's get these ladies ready
for their close‐up.
235
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,095
Now, you have fun
at the convention, boys.
236
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,197
You just bring it back whenever.
237
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,565
(tires screech)
238
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,267
Mother, you never let me
drive the Cutlass.
239
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,537
My car is for good boys!
240
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,806
Hmm.
241
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:14,013
♪ Timothy, Timothy ♪
242
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,484
♪ God, what did we do? ♪
243
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,087
Well, we're only a half hour
behind schedule.
244
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,856
Should we, uh,
brainstorm on a code
245
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,290
for the hotel room safe?
246
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,127
Seymour, you charmed the Depends
off that lady.
247
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,429
I believe I owe you a beer.
248
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,865
A biker bar?
249
00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:33,366
Are you sure it's safe?
250
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,768
All right, stop quivering
like a quince jelly.
251
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,670
You're with me.
252
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:42,308
♪ ♪
253
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,886
Sir, this isn't a biker bar.
254
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,988
It's a cyclist bar.
255
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,189
Don't be a ninny, Seymour.
256
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,524
Uh, barkeep!
257
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,592
A beer for me
and my coworker here.
258
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:02,128
We just serve energy gels
and oxygen.
259
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,330
You don't like it, get out.
260
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,966
(inhales deeply)
261
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,268
(grunts)
262
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:12,372
You two oil burners
might want to skedaddle
263
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:15,675
before my resting heart rate
elevates to 60 bpm.
264
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:18,211
That's "beats per minute,"
oil burner!
265
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,813
(cackling)
266
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,082
(laughter)
267
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,786
(slurping)
268
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,857
Uh, why don't you calm down
there, Slim?
269
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,225
(watch beeping)
270
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,794
What did you call me?
271
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:38,164
‐(growling) ‐Uh...
272
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,500
Uh... Oh.
273
00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:47,874
The bike computers!
274
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,776
All our stats were on there!
275
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,811
They hadn't synced yet!
276
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,048
Yeah, but you‐you still got
the exercise, right?
277
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:02,722
(tires screech)
278
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,490
(engine revs)
279
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,793
Whoa. It's as if
the rules of the road
280
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,194
don't apply to them.
281
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,930
Are you pedestrians
or vehicles?!
282
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,565
Make a choice!
283
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,633
Never!
284
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:17,070
- (tires screeching)
- Whoa! Whoa!
285
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:21,107
(grunts)
Skinner, what do we do?
286
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,576
Seymour! Well, don't go!
287
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,078
Skinner?
288
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:28,081
(bicycles clicking)
289
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,484
(cyclists panting)
290
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:35,655
Step away
from my superintendent.
291
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,390
(chuckles)
What's he gonna do?
292
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:38,758
He's just one guy.
293
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,227
(cackling)
294
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,762
You're never alone
295
00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:46,132
when you're a veteran
of the U. S. Armed Forces.
296
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,934
And I do mean armed.
297
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:52,505
Para‐athletes like us are the
natural enemy of cycling clubs.
298
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,108
Their biceps are bigger
than my quads!
299
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,377
To the support van!
300
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,247
(all sucking)
301
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,850
(tires screeching)
302
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,485
Seymour, how did you...
303
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,620
I keep abreast
of local veterans' events.
304
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:10,256
Luckily, the Wheel Team Six
para‐marathoners
305
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,958
were racing nearby.
306
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,360
Seymour, you have earned this.
307
00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:17,397
(shudders):
Ooh!
308
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:21,467
You know, there was a time
I would have mocked you
309
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:25,238
for collecting bed‐and‐breakfast
travel points with your mother,
310
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,507
but, I'll tell ya,
today those points have paid
311
00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:29,809
for this sweet,
thick elderberry wine.
312
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:33,413
Well, nothing is as sweet
as your kind words.
313
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,881
Aw.
314
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,416
(sipping)
315
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,402
- (chuckles): Ooh.
- Oh, yeah. That's good stuff.
316
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:42,422
(humming softly)
317
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:46,092
Ernest, I've never felt
more independent and strong.
318
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,694
Can I use your phone
to call Mother?
319
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,062
There she is.
320
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:52,398
Just make sure no one's using
the upstairs extension.
321
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,400
You're back
in the office already?
322
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:57,937
Principal Finch,
your gut biome is a wonder.
323
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,973
So, how's Sad Sack Seymour and
the Cincinnati Snooze Cruise?
324
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,609
(chuckles reluctantly)
Yeah, vintage Finch.
325
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,079
But, uh, believe it or not,
Skinner has shown,
326
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:08,081
uh, bursts of utility.
327
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:09,515
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
328
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,818
You better not be getting
cold feet, Gary.
329
00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:12,985
We made an agreement.
330
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:14,620
Skinner gets canned,
331
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:18,091
and I leave my tiny little
magnet school for the big time,
332
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:20,927
Springfield Elementary.
333
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:22,095
I'm pumped!
334
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,496
Yes, I know, I know.
335
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,998
The plan was to fire Skinner,
and, uh...
336
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:27,367
(sighs heavily)
337
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:30,002
...I am a man of my word.
338
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,938
Fire Skinner?
339
00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,873
Chalmers!
340
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,141
Oh, dear.
341
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:43,216
‐(sighing) ‐(quiet chatter)
342
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,118
‐(gasping) ‐Fire me?!
343
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:47,653
You bald‐pated son of a bitch.
344
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,989
Uh, I‐if you two gentlemen
could please...
345
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,091
Stay out of this, Trudy!
346
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,994
For years,
this man belittled me.
347
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,397
Humiliated me.
348
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,966
And in exchange
for my unwavering loyalty,
349
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:01,501
what was my reward?
350
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,937
Whoa, to be pushed out by
some scheming magnet school...
351
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,073
keister kisser!
352
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,307
(grunts)
353
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,610
The brochures nobody takes!
354
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:13,613
I'm the one who deserved this
trip to Cincinnati, not Finch.
355
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:16,849
That's why I put black mold
in his poké.
356
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,950
(grunts, shakes)
357
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:20,219
You did what?
358
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:22,789
Ooh. The Rocking Chair Museum.
359
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:23,956
I've heard good things.
360
00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:26,859
Skinner...!
361
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,895
You know why I was gonna
fire you, Seymour?
362
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:31,864
Because your neediness,
it sucks the life out of me!
363
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,802
After all these years of trying
to spare your feelings,
364
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,270
I'm just gonna say it now:
365
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:39,906
I... don't... like you!
366
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:42,408
♪ And the man in the back said,
"Everyone attack" ♪
367
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,444
♪ And it turned
into a ballroom blitz ♪
368
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,789
♪ And the girl in the corner
said, "Boy, I wanna warn you ♪
369
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,548
♪ It'll turn
into a ballroom blitz" ♪
370
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,750
- (groans)
- ♪ Ballroom blitz ♪
371
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,386
‐(grunts)
372
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,988
- ♪ Ballroom blitz ♪
- (grunting)
373
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,089
♪ Ballroom blitz. ♪
374
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:59,125
Ooh, Terry Bradshaw stayed here.
375
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,893
Not the one you're thinking of.
376
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,462
("Ballroom Blitz" continues)
377
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,630
‐(straining) ‐(gagging)
378
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,066
(panting)
379
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,701
(coughs)
380
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,979
You know, I'm not gonna give you
the pleasure of firing me,
381
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,638
because I quit!
382
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,209
Good riddance!
383
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:17,777
(tires screeching)
384
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,316
(brakes hiss)
385
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,620
♪ ♪
386
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,866
(siren wailing)
387
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,234
(siren stops)
388
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,269
Well, well, well.
389
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,638
If it isn't the Cuticle Kid.
390
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,107
You racing to give a mani‐pedi?
391
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,676
(sighs) Just give me the ticket,
Fennimore.
392
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:54,113
License and my mother's
registration.
393
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,681
(gasps)
394
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,519
Superintendent,
you're on in five.
395
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:02,321
Great, great.
I'll just ensure my notecards
396
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:03,823
are in the correct order.
397
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,358
Uh, uh...
398
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:08,194
"Road trip
conversation starters"?
399
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,397
(groaning)
400
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,632
(shouts)
401
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,902
We switched jackets.
402
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,570
Seymour has my speech!
403
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,338
It's often been said
that one speech
404
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,707
can make or break
a man's career.
405
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,977
Together, we now face
such a moment.
406
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,579
Our keynote speaker,
407
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:30,683
Superintendent
Garibaldi Chalmers.
408
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,218
(grumbles nervously)
409
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,220
(man coughs)
410
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,622
Um...
(clears throat)
411
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,457
Well, it's an honor,
uh, to be here
412
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:39,859
in, uh, uh, Cleveland.
413
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,460
MAN:
It's Cincinnati!
414
00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:43,496
MAN 2:
Look at the skyline!
415
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,332
You just‐‐ You won't believe
what's happened.
416
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,334
I'm... (stammers)
Well, maybe you will!
417
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,469
You've all got
that one principal,
418
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:54,273
that one that gets you
into such ridiculous situations,
419
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,243
uh, uh,
maybe even on the way here.
420
00:17:57,310 --> 00:18:01,013
SUPERINTENDENTS:
Mm. Yes. Quite.
421
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,350
(chuckles) This guy, Skinner,
h‐he screws everything up.
422
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,953
He took my jacket and my speech!
423
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:10,890
He left me with the
useless garbage in his pockets.
424
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,793
A mommy manicure kit.
425
00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,661
A‐a VFW event calendar.
426
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,463
A, uh, B&B rewards card.
427
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,599
(chuckles)
Calico Level.
428
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:23,169
(mutters) And
conversation starters like...
429
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:26,472
(sighs) "How can I make
your job easier?"
430
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:29,075
MAN:
He sounds like a good guy,
you jackass!
431
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,810
Well, I...
432
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,244
I suppose he is.
433
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,081
He's loyal
and resourceful and...
434
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:36,816
Oh, God, help me.
435
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:38,618
I respect Seymour Skinner.
436
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,686
(chuckles):
In fact, I like him.
437
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,221
♪ ♪
438
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,357
(sniffles)
Ditto, Gary.
439
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,763
Aw, Skinner.
440
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,636
I've got something
that belongs to you.
441
00:18:56,702 --> 00:19:00,806
Now go give the greatest
keynote speech of your life.
442
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,042
Well, maybe I already have, huh?
443
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:05,778
But if I must.
(clears throat)
444
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,947
Educational Infrastructure:
445
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:10,583
Ability Grouping
versus Blended Learning.
446
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,686
Now, a survey
of public administrators
447
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:17,323
over a 15‐trimester period
showed clearly,
448
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:20,026
within the standard deviation,
of course...
449
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,428
Well, you did it, dude.
450
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,463
How does it feel to get
what you've always wanted?
451
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:26,465
♪ Chalmers loves Skinner ♪
452
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,300
♪ Bought him chili dinner ♪
453
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:31,337
♪ How many ways
did Skinner try? ♪
454
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:34,073
♪ One, two, three, four, five. ♪
455
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:36,742
It feels just like this.
456
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:40,680
("WKRP in Cincinnati
Main Theme" playing)
457
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,782
♪ ♪
458
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:49,755
♪ Maybe you and me were never
meant to be ♪
459
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:52,224
♪ Just maybe think of me
once in a while. ♪
460
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,804
So, guys,
what have you been up to?
461
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,373
Oh, went on a field trip
to the fire station,
462
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,542
but nobody told
the firemen we were coming.
463
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,244
Practiced my sax,
went to school.
464
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,747
Oh, we learned about Peru.
465
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:15,848
Oh.
466
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,216
I went to work.
467
00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:19,218
Lenny had a cold,
so he wasn't there.
468
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:20,619
Carl was there though.
469
00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:23,556
Well, have I got a treat
for you all.
470
00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:27,426
Tonight, we're going to see
Improv Shakespeare!
471
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:29,995
Washing machine!
472
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,564
Out, damned stain!
473
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:35,201
For there is a Tide Pod
in the affairs of laundry.
474
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:40,005
(chuckles) Can you imagine
Shakespeare using a Tide Pod?
475
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,274
- No.
- (Bart groans)
- Oy.
476
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:45,611
("WKRP in Cincinnati
End Credits" playing)
477
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,280
♪ ♪
478
00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:49,582
♪ Mad tooth bar chin‐up ♪
479
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:52,718
♪ Boxing out of her hair now ♪
480
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:58,424
♪ Still do the modern‐day
whack‐a‐mole ditto‐o‐o ♪
481
00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:01,994
♪ What's that?
Good bartender ♪
482
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:04,563
♪ I had better head out ♪
483
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:10,102
♪ I said I wouldn't do it
if a poodle had a lid on ♪
484
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,475
♪ Mad tooth bar chin‐up ♪
485
00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:18,744
♪ Boxing out of her hair now ♪
486
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:25,151
♪ Still do the modern‐day
whack‐a‐mole ditto‐o‐o ♪
487
00:21:26,552 --> 00:21:27,686
♪ What's that? ♪