1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,638 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:09,510 D'oh. 3 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,279 (grunts) 4 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,381 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:30,831 D'oh. 6 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:34,368 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,873 ♪ Here's the story ♪ 8 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,041 (scats) 9 00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:42,843 ♪ Of a fat cat ♪ 10 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:43,844 (scats) 11 00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:46,013 ♪ That no one ♪ 12 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:49,082 ♪ Really liked ♪ 13 00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:52,419 ♪ His name is Monty ♪ 14 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,222 ♪ He's an old rat, ha. ♪ 15 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,724 ♪ And he's sleepin' ♪ 16 00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,993 ♪ Bad tonight. ♪ 17 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,229 (scats) 18 00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:05,299 (groans) 19 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,435 Everybody hates me. 20 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:11,305 Sir, your personal chef is here with your breakfast. 21 00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:13,373 (French accent): Voilà. One raisin, 22 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:17,377 wrinkles ironed and smoothed, with one molecule of sugar. 23 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:20,647 Too sharp. It could cut me to ribbons. 24 00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,749 Release the hounds. 25 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:23,917 (growling) 26 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,219 No, you need a wine pairing. 27 00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,855 Cabernet, to bring out my earthiness. 28 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:29,990 (barking) 29 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,758 Cordon bleu! 30 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,026 BURNS: Smithers, 31 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,361 I need real food. 32 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,997 Something that'll stick to my rib. (sniffs) 33 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,932 What is that delicious smell? 34 00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,434 Um, uh, this is my lunch. 35 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,269 My wife just gave me a salad, 36 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,338 but she said I could choose my own dressing, 37 00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:47,407 so I picked this hamburger. (grunts) 38 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,645 Hmm. 39 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,548 Seems to be some sort of meat with a slice 40 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,884 of James Lewis Kraft's confectionary cheese on top 41 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,955 and a kind of catsup blended with a well‐naised egg 42 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:04,358 in the style of Mayon. 43 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:09,796 ♪ ♪ 44 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,433 I'll never let go. 45 00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,907 I must have more of these, uh... What do you call them? 46 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,376 Hamburgers. 47 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,978 You're eating people from Hamburg? 48 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,647 I don't know. Maybe. 49 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,448 Mmm. 50 00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:31,385 Sir, uh, we need to be cautious about this. 51 00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,286 It's not healthy for a man 52 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,255 to double his weight within a day. 53 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,692 (gasps) Triple! 54 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,860 No...! 55 00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:46,466 (shuddering gasp) 56 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,271 (grunts) My heart! 57 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,273 This could be my last moment on Earth. 58 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,809 If so, fire someone and let me watch. 59 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,445 Someone who just bought a house. 60 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,414 (groans) 61 00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,216 BURNS: Smithers. 62 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,453 Oh, thank God you're alive. 63 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,387 And famished. 64 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,389 Do they serve burgers in this joint? 65 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,925 No, sir. Eating meat could kill you. 66 00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,794 Eh, no one lives forever. 67 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,595 Except Dick Cheney. What's his deal? 68 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,597 Sir, you nearly died. 69 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:20,133 I nearly died? How was the reaction? 70 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,803 Well, when they heard you were dying... 71 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,672 (wild cheering) 72 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,107 He's alive. 73 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:28,408 ALL: Aw. 74 00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:31,712 - (gunshot) - People don't like me. 75 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:32,913 They really don't. Why? 76 00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:35,682 You've released the hounds on nearly everyone in town, sir. 77 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,184 Everyone loves dogs, Smithers. 78 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,819 It must be something else. 79 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,821 Um, if you're ready, come. 80 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,356 - The cue will be "life." - Hmm. 81 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,627 Smithers, this means that no one will mourn me when I'm gone. 82 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,830 My only legacy will be the extra radiation 83 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,299 on every drop of water on Earth. 84 00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:54,101 - Don't give up, sir. - No, I give up. 85 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,167 Don't give up. 86 00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,369 - I give up. - Don't give up. 87 00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:57,204 I give up. 88 00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,472 - Don't give up. - Seriously, 89 00:03:58,538 --> 00:03:59,406 I give up. 90 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,041 Will you listen to me for one minute? 91 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,076 Sir, I figured out a way to add to your legacy 92 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:06,613 and extend your life. 93 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,084 The professor here has used exotic plants 94 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:14,254 to develop what I think is the healthiest, tastiest 95 00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:16,323 meatless burger ever. 96 00:04:16,389 --> 00:04:17,958 You could eat as many as you want 97 00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,526 and we can sell them at a profit. 98 00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:23,463 ‐Aw. ‐Not here. Not here, please. I've told you about this. 99 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,070 Oh, do you know how Edison felt 100 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,205 on that incredible, magical night? 101 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,974 When he invented the light bulb? 102 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,776 No. The electric chair. 103 00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,477 That's how I feel now. 104 00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:38,955 Smithers, this could change my legacy. 105 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,681 People have to like the person who made them live longer. 106 00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,016 They have to. 107 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,117 What are you saying, sir? 108 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,285 I'm going to make it 109 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,954 to what I never thought possible: 110 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,723 beloved after death. 111 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,159 Look at me, world. 112 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,867 We'll do a sneak preview of your burger chain 113 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,202 and then a grand opening 114 00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:04,204 of a thousand stores across the country. 115 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,972 Now all we need is a name. 116 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,073 Excellent. 117 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,576 (gasps) You've done it again, sir. 118 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,913 BROCKMAN: We're here to cover 119 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,781 the sneak preview of our new sponsor, 120 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,016 X‐Cell‐Ent Burger. 121 00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:17,851 I... I'm just getting word 122 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:21,354 Springfield Dam has ruptured and water is roaring down. 123 00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:24,057 We'll let the, uh, sad news cover that. 124 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:25,625 I'm here live at... 125 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:26,893 Aah! 126 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,930 He was a good reporter, great parking spot. 127 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,499 Uh, but let's move on from grief to beef. 128 00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,969 The first paying customer to taste the X‐Cell‐Ent Burger 129 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,470 will be... 130 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,606 (all gasping) 131 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,675 Number 43. 132 00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:42,843 - Aw. - That's me. 133 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,077 But I warn you, 134 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,214 I've had every plant‐based meat ever made: 135 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,615 Phony Baloney, 136 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,616 Not Wurst, 137 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,817 Faux Foie Gras, 138 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,686 Corned Beets On Rye, 139 00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,154 and Ghost Beef. 140 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,756 Good luck pleasing me. 141 00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,859 ♪ ♪ 142 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,735 ♪ ♪ 143 00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,573 So, what do you think? 144 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,041 It tastes great! 145 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:18,245 And no animal has passed gas in its making. 146 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:21,414 This burger might just save the world. 147 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:22,582 Oh. Oh. 148 00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,284 Thank you. 149 00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,754 (sobbing): Thank you. 150 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,756 You're letting me cut the line? 151 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:30,924 Oh, thank you. 152 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,292 I don't have to cook. 153 00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,594 I can finally teach Maggie to talk. 154 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:38,331 Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Mm, mm. 155 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,334 ♪ ♪ 156 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,739 Praise, praise‐‐ something I've craved 157 00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,641 since I was a little boy. 158 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,912 I drew this picture of you hugging me, Mummy. 159 00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,047 I don't like art that lies. 160 00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,583 Oh, and by the way, your father's dead. 161 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:57,550 (sighs) 162 00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,686 There's just one more thing we need. 163 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:00,620 A spokesman. 164 00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,756 If we find a regular slob who loves it, 165 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,524 we can start a chain reaction. 166 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,393 Just like, uh, ooh... 167 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:07,394 Nuclear fission? 168 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,763 Is that how that works? Really? Heh. 169 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,398 Now to find our slob. 170 00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,566 My card. 171 00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,273 Smithers, keep your nods to yourself. 172 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,107 Yes, sir. 173 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,676 Since we're using a green screen, 174 00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,210 do I have to be this high up? 175 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,013 - We need the chance of death. - Before we film, 176 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,381 we need you to sign this contract 177 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,488 stating that what you publicly say about our product 178 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,218 is limited to certain catchphrases. 179 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,422 Approved phrases limited to... 180 00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:36,623 "yes ve‐gan," 181 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,958 "I guaran‐tree it," 182 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,225 "abso‐lettuce," 183 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,627 and the "meat beater." 184 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:43,163 (gasps) Every one of those has two meanings. 185 00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:45,198 Your ad guys are geniuses. 186 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,201 If I could be a fly on the wall... 187 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,372 Uh‐oh. My kids! 188 00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:56,242 Oh, I got to put all these kids through garbage? 189 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,244 Now, listen, if you break this contract, 190 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:58,778 we'll release the hounds, who will bite you here, 191 00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:02,048 here, here and here. 192 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,017 And here in triplicate. 193 00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:08,154 (beeping) 194 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,923 Okay, Homer, let's try a take. 195 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,024 Action. 196 00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:13,193 They say I'm eating healthy. 197 00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,161 They say I'm saving the planet. 198 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,997 But here's my secret: 199 00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:20,133 it tastes like it was scared to die. 200 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,568 ANNOUNCER: The X‐Cell‐Ent Burger‐‐ 201 00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,570 coming soon to a location near you. 202 00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:25,839 The fate of the world is in your mouth. 203 00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:27,707 With all these commercials, 204 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:30,710 I'm afraid your father's going to need bigger pants. 205 00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:34,047 Alexa, do you have any X‐X‐X‐X‐ 206 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,851 X‐X‐X‐XL in stock? 207 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,819 I found XLN stock. 208 00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,921 How much would you like to buy? 209 00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,757 Um, I‐I don't know. 210 00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,325 How's ten pairs? 211 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:48,828 Submitting order for a thousand shares of XLN stock. 212 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,363 Please confirm. 213 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:53,033 - Confirm? - Ignoring question mark. 214 00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,968 Buy order executed. 215 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,503 ‐(ping) ‐(gasps) Oh, no. 216 00:08:56,569 --> 00:09:00,607 Maggie. I accidentally bought X‐Cell‐Ent Burger stock. 217 00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,609 Alexa, sell those stocks. 218 00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:04,878 Ordering yellow socks. 219 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,546 You get everything wrong. 220 00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,415 We'll switch to Siri. 221 00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,083 Siri enabled. 222 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,685 You sound like Alexa. 223 00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:16,956 Oh. 224 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:18,058 X‐Cell‐Ent Burger. 225 00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,260 Well, they seem to be succeeding. 226 00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,262 But I'd feel awful if the stock went... 227 00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,397 (gasps) Up? It just went up. 228 00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,698 We made money! 229 00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:29,002 Seven hundred dollars! 230 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,237 What I could buy with that money. 231 00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:35,642 Now it's down. Down $200. 232 00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,210 (gasps) Up again. 233 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,379 (gasps) Down again. 234 00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,714 The grand opening's in a week, sir, and the reviews 235 00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:43,383 couldn't be better. 236 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,086 Hmm. Smithers, I'm a hero. 237 00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,088 Like that guy who landed the plane safely. 238 00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,389 Sully Sullenberger? 239 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,558 No, no, no, no. Rudolf Hess. 240 00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:53,460 Smithers, a toast. 241 00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:58,264 On it, sir. 242 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,235 I think you've had enough, sir. 243 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,472 (woozily): Yes. Yes. I'll... I'll sleep it off. 244 00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,873 (snoring) 245 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,008 If it goes up another ten cents, 246 00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:11,544 we're a thousand dollars ahead. 247 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,948 (gasps) We've never been a thousand dollars ahead. 248 00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:17,750 Never. Ooh... 249 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,720 Tonight on Smartline: 250 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,555 The Burger Wars. 251 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,691 ♪ ♪ 252 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,145 They won't give me a raise, but they can blow the bank 253 00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,213 on graphics like that. (clears throat) 254 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,815 Leading up to its national rollout, 255 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:52,152 X‐Cell‐Ent Burger's success is destroying its competitors, 256 00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,287 who are trying to overcome a terrific new product 257 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,156 with desperate publicity stunts. 258 00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:58,291 Attempting to piggyback on Burger King's success 259 00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,960 by changing its name during Pride Month to "Burger Queer," 260 00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:03,496 Krusty has introduced his own product: 261 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:06,366 the L. G. B. T. Q. B. L. T. 262 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,905 How could a ploy this cynical and shameless fail? 263 00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,606 (sobs) 264 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,875 Mel, you're three of those letters. 265 00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:17,177 Where did I go wrong? 266 00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,145 Your product is inferior. 267 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:20,547 Your marketing is offensive. 268 00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:24,350 And you have more ex‐wives than franchise locations. 269 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:27,954 What happened to kiss‐ass Mel who was afraid of my shadow? 270 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,256 I joined an empowerment group 271 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,725 with the monkey and the cue card guy. 272 00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:39,832 ♪ ♪ 273 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,843 Aw, geez. My hero's a loser. 274 00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:53,012 Mr. Burns is gonna drive Krusty out of business, 275 00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,547 unless we stop him. 276 00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:57,550 No. Burns is doing something good. 277 00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,085 I know it in my gut. 278 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,087 The Earth is on his side. 279 00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,058 (groans) 280 00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:11,698 (cheering) 281 00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:14,067 Thank you. I love you all. 282 00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,935 Disperse them before we get back. 283 00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:17,537 Rubber bullets, if necessary. 284 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,576 It's so wonderful to be be‐liked. 285 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:27,614 Finally, I can join the club that rejected me so many times. 286 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,849 ♪ ♪ 287 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,985 Welcome, welcome. 288 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,762 All the other beloved billionaires are here. 289 00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:35,922 There's Warren Buffet, there's Bill Gates, 290 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,657 - and that's it. - (tapping) 291 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,162 Mark Zuckerberg, you get out of here. 292 00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:45,331 No! You can't threaten me. 293 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:46,666 I know all about you. 294 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,968 You're currently single, you haven't been poked 295 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,937 in five years, and I love those pictures 296 00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:52,472 from your vacation to Baja, 297 00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,774 where we both know your boyfriend dumped you. 298 00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,109 Those were set to private. 299 00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:59,112 Right. (chuckles) "Private." 300 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:08,087 I think I know what Burns is up to. 301 00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:10,957 His so‐called vegan burgers contain‐‐ wait for it. 302 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,159 - Are you waiting? - Mm‐hmm. 303 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,094 Here it is: meat. 304 00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:16,929 (gasps) What are you saying? 305 00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,631 All this time I've been eating meat?! 306 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:21,534 Aah! Ew, ah, ah! (spits) 307 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:25,505 (groans) Oh, no, that's why I grew an inch. 308 00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:26,639 Just a theory. 309 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:27,573 Do you believe that? 310 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,276 No. I just wanted the rest of your burger. 311 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,378 ♪ ♪ 312 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:43,523 (kids gasp) 313 00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:46,693 I don't want to see what's inside. 314 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,561 Nerd. 315 00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,264 Mm‐hmm. 316 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,666 Yep. Just as I thought. 317 00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,635 He's using plants. 318 00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,404 BART: Aw, crap. 319 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:01,274 Not meat. Burns is doing the right thing. 320 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,886 This is kind of scary, 321 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,922 like putting on a wet bathing suit. 322 00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:18,691 Wait a minute. Those plants look unusual. 323 00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:19,758 (gasps) 324 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,728 They're all endangered plants 325 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,863 from the Amazon rainforest. 326 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,431 We have to tell Burns. 327 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,734 He already knows. He's evil. 328 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,370 No. I refuse to believe that someone can't change 329 00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,372 for the better, even though I can't think 330 00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:35,475 of a single example of that ever happening. 331 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,011 - Mr. Burns? - Yes, children. 332 00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:40,146 What do you want? 333 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,448 Um, we came to tell you something 334 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,618 that's maybe a little hard to hear. 335 00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,286 - Mm? - Uh‐huh. 336 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,856 I'm sorry to have to inform you 337 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,958 that your attempt to do good 338 00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:54,494 is doing very, very bad. 339 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,229 Leave me alone. 340 00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,799 (engine starts, sputters) 341 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,635 Oh, for God's sake. 342 00:15:04,036 --> 00:15:06,105 - Finally. - Mr. Burns. 343 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,174 (grunts) Release the hounds. 344 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,243 You mean these hounds? 345 00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:12,345 Let's be clear, young lady. 346 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,880 I'm not going to listen to you. 347 00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,348 I'm never going to listen to you, 348 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,016 and I have sophisticated technology 349 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,684 to ensure that happens. 350 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,087 Buy, buy, buy! 351 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,955 Then, when you hear a rumor of trouble, 352 00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:24,290 sell before anyone else! 353 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,825 I'll be out of here in four months! 354 00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:29,295 - (TV clicks off) - Oh, what happened to you? 355 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,864 Come over here. What is it, baby? 356 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,234 We have to think of a way to shut X‐Cell‐Ent Burger down. 357 00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,336 But what about the shareholders? 358 00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:39,972 What? Sharehol... Ew. 359 00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:42,475 Ew, ew, ew! 360 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,610 ♪ ♪ 361 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,284 No, no, no! 362 00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,553 More money for Marge. 363 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,221 Oh! Oh! 364 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,923 - Dad, you're my last hope. - Mm? 365 00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:58,624 Tomorrow's the national launch. 366 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:02,028 If X‐Cell‐Ent Burger succeeds, by the year 2080, 367 00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:03,463 the entire Amazon‐‐ 368 00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,498 I'm talking the lungs of the planet‐‐ 369 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,432 will be gone. 370 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,267 Lisa, I'm sorry to put it on you, 371 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,803 but every generation has its to‐do list. 372 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:14,073 Yours is putting Miami on stilts, inventing new bees, 373 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:17,443 and learning to peacefully live with fire tornadoes. 374 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,245 You're not gonna help fight Burns? 375 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,080 I've learned one thing in life: 376 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:24,584 don't bite the bony, withered claw that feeds you, 377 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,820 even if there's delicious marrow inside. 378 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,655 What was this about again? 379 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,390 You won't help save the Earth. 380 00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:33,159 No, I won't. 381 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:34,961 I don't know how you sleep at night. 382 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,463 I sleep fine, little lady! 383 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,666 (groaning) 384 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,768 ♪ ♪ 385 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,643 Cheesy McMayor! Jack in the Bag! 386 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,579 Guys, my company is doing something bad. 387 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:54,747 Should I tell the world? 388 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:58,050 Look what eating only my own food has done to me. 389 00:16:58,117 --> 00:16:59,685 Look at me! 390 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,754 (cackles) 391 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,157 ♪ You're a spokesman ♪ 392 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,727 ♪ For a franchise ♪ 393 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,263 ♪ That's clear‐cutting ♪ 394 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:13,900 ♪ Left and right ♪ 395 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,736 ♪ You have sold out ♪ 396 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,705 ♪ All your values ♪ 397 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,674 ♪ I won't let you ♪ 398 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,043 ♪ Sleep tonight. ♪ 399 00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,045 (scats) 400 00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:27,713 (grunting) 401 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,585 ♪ ♪ 402 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,087 (gasps) Once again, dreams have taught me 403 00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,089 more than all the books ever written. 404 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:39,191 I know what I have to do. 405 00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,460 (indistinct chatter) 406 00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:45,264 What's going on? Why is everyone baring 407 00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,700 - their teeth at me? - They're smiling, sir. 408 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,068 They can't wait to see you. 409 00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,137 Oh. Uh, just so I know, 410 00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:52,505 to be considered good 411 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,408 I now have to continue doing good things? 412 00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:56,474 - Yes. - Ah. 413 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,377 That's why Jesus retired at 33, 414 00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:00,513 without a fast‐food franchise to his name, 415 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,416 except maybe Chick‐fil‐A. Well, let's get on with 416 00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:05,751 my ascension into sainthood, Smithers. 417 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,887 I'm gonna bring them down. 418 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:10,389 Are you sure? Think of the shareholders. 419 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:14,160 - For once, I say damn the shareholders. - Mm... 420 00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,062 Simpson. After the announcement, 421 00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,639 there will be questions from the audience, 422 00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,632 but like our burgers, the questioners will be 423 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,500 entirely made up of plants. 424 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,302 I'm ready. 425 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,471 And you do remember your non‐disclosure agreement? 426 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,240 I believe it said something to the effect of 427 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,776 I was limited to certain words and phrases, 428 00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:33,913 and I couldn't make obscene gestures with my hands. 429 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,548 Or... 430 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,183 - Crotch. - Excellent. 431 00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:39,919 Excellent. (grunts) 432 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,787 (cheering) 433 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,490 Mr. Simpson will now take questions. 434 00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:48,194 Yes. The little girl in the mustache. 435 00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:49,328 Thank you, sir. 436 00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,163 Is it true that X‐Cell‐Ent Burgers 437 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,566 are made of plants from the rainforest? 438 00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:58,571 Abso‐lettuce. 439 00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,472 (all gasp) 440 00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:01,907 Uh‐huh. And what are the chances 441 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,442 that your product will help lead 442 00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:05,711 to the destruction of the planet? 443 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,448 I guaran‐tree it. 444 00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,050 (gasping) 445 00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,253 Using legal loopholes to tell us the truth. 446 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,057 A supersize admission in the burger wars. 447 00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,526 Have we been fed an order of lies, or worse‐‐ 448 00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:21,761 curly lies? 449 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,062 Good God, I'm hungry. 450 00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:25,264 (all clamoring) 451 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,801 I did it again. I won by doing nothing. 452 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,169 That's my hero. 453 00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:31,737 Always will be. 454 00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,372 Round up some more donkeys. 455 00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,675 We're in the burger business again. 456 00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,144 Mom, I'm so conflicted. 457 00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:39,745 You're conflicted? 458 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,815 I feel like someone who knew a stock was about to crash, 459 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:46,152 sold it before that happened, and kept a thousand dollars. 460 00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:47,286 What are you saying? 461 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,355 Nothing. Nothing, nothing. 462 00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:51,691 (crowd booing, shouting) 463 00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,092 (sighs) This is the time 464 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,294 he really needs you to look at him. 465 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,396 ♪ ♪ 466 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,369 - Sir. You're happy. - Yes. 467 00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:06,105 Because I'm no longer crushed by morality. 468 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,374 I gave it a nice go‐‐ almost a full month‐‐ 469 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,077 but in the end, evil always wins. 470 00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,945 Would you like to go to a school for the blind 471 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,847 and convince them aliens have landed? 472 00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,450 BURNS: Mm. I'd like that. 473 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,962 - (sighs) - ♪ You listened ♪ 474 00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:32,898 ♪ To your conscience, kapow ♪ 475 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,734 ♪ And now you're ♪ 476 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,104 ♪ Feelin' fine ♪ 477 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:41,574 ♪ And you're dreamin' ♪ 478 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,677 ♪ Of me singin' ♪ 479 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,811 ♪ 'Cause you drank ♪ 480 00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:49,381 ♪ Two‐dollar wine. ♪ 481 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,752 Tell me when it hurts. 482 00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:55,888 It hurt from the beginning! 483 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:59,091 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 484 00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:02,027 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 485 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,830 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 486 00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:08,334 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 487 00:21:29,655 --> 00:21:31,690 Shh.