1 00:00:06,045 --> 00:00:08,283 (electronic beeping and chiming) 2 00:00:08,350 --> 00:00:11,089 Don't rot your brain on Satan's calculator. 3 00:00:11,155 --> 00:00:13,794 Babies need real toys like these. 4 00:00:16,366 --> 00:00:18,370 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:22,444 (fanfare plays) 6 00:00:22,512 --> 00:00:23,881 ‐It's Princess Maggie. ‐(courtiers exclaiming) 7 00:00:23,948 --> 00:00:25,985 Princess Maggie's here. 8 00:00:26,052 --> 00:00:27,856 Princess Maggie, what's wrong? 9 00:00:27,923 --> 00:00:29,392 The girl is bored. 10 00:00:29,458 --> 00:00:32,231 Royal court, entertain my daughter at once. 11 00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:35,572 No princess can frown when her eardrums are pulsing 12 00:00:35,638 --> 00:00:38,511 with the beat of iambic pentameter. 13 00:00:39,746 --> 00:00:40,982 That's quite a frown. 14 00:00:41,049 --> 00:00:42,451 Out of my way! 15 00:00:42,519 --> 00:00:45,858 I've got no shame or regard for my own well‐being. 16 00:00:47,061 --> 00:00:48,496 Hey, hey! 17 00:00:48,564 --> 00:00:49,666 (Krusty groans) 18 00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:52,171 You fools have failed the princess. 19 00:00:52,237 --> 00:00:54,810 We have no other option. We must give her... 20 00:00:54,876 --> 00:00:57,448 ‐the special gift. ‐(gasping) 21 00:00:58,618 --> 00:01:01,489 ‐♪ ♪ ‐(onlookers chatter in wonder) 22 00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:08,470 ‐(onlookers gasp) ‐(roars) 23 00:01:14,583 --> 00:01:17,856 Goodbye, Princess Maggie. Goodbye. 24 00:01:19,058 --> 00:01:20,662 (roaring) 25 00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:23,868 (screaming) 26 00:01:23,934 --> 00:01:25,137 ¡Ay, caramba! 27 00:01:25,203 --> 00:01:27,441 ♪ ♪ 28 00:01:28,911 --> 00:01:29,913 MARGE: Oh, boy. 29 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:31,149 Homer, 30 00:01:31,215 --> 00:01:33,286 your father's messing up the baby again. 31 00:01:33,353 --> 00:01:35,490 (electronic beeping and chiming) 32 00:01:35,558 --> 00:01:38,396 ♪ ♪ 33 00:01:44,943 --> 00:01:46,980 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:53,894 --> 00:01:55,765 (grunting) 35 00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:58,671 (belches) 36 00:02:02,712 --> 00:02:05,518 ♪ ♪ 37 00:02:07,488 --> 00:02:09,358 (groans) 38 00:02:10,193 --> 00:02:12,397 (bell dings) 39 00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,470 (whinnies) 40 00:02:19,913 --> 00:02:21,984 Way ahead of you, pal. 41 00:02:24,623 --> 00:02:26,392 (whistles) 42 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:32,337 (laughing) 43 00:02:36,947 --> 00:02:38,249 My eyes... 44 00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:51,977 (horns honking) 45 00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:57,354 Where did all this traffic come from? 46 00:02:57,421 --> 00:03:00,026 It's like my favorite movie ever, Cars 3. 47 00:03:00,093 --> 00:03:02,030 I hated Cars 1 and 2. 48 00:03:02,097 --> 00:03:04,301 (horns honking) 49 00:03:07,474 --> 00:03:10,013 (chuckles) I'm unsupervised. 50 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,249 Have no fear. 51 00:03:11,315 --> 00:03:13,286 Safety is here. (grunts) 52 00:03:13,353 --> 00:03:15,825 Traffic, no traffic‐‐ what's the difference? 53 00:03:15,892 --> 00:03:19,064 I got nothing to be late for and no one who cares. 54 00:03:19,131 --> 00:03:21,369 ♪ ♪ 55 00:03:26,947 --> 00:03:29,786 (Homer and Marge giggling) 56 00:03:32,424 --> 00:03:36,733 Let's take this from Disney+ to HBO Max. 57 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,004 (both giggling) 58 00:03:39,071 --> 00:03:41,543 (horn honking) 59 00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:43,479 HOMER: Oh, Marge, you haven't honked 60 00:03:43,547 --> 00:03:45,183 like this since high school. 61 00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:47,187 It's a traffic jam. 62 00:03:47,254 --> 00:03:49,491 (horns continue honking) 63 00:03:51,830 --> 00:03:53,166 (humming) 64 00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:57,407 My, my, look at all those middle fingers raised to the Lord. 65 00:03:58,476 --> 00:04:01,115 Wait a minute. That car looks familiar. 66 00:04:01,182 --> 00:04:02,919 Hey, that looks like... (gasps) 67 00:04:02,986 --> 00:04:05,791 (intro to "The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand plays) 68 00:04:05,858 --> 00:04:07,996 No, don't go there, Moe. Don't go there. 69 00:04:08,062 --> 00:04:09,766 Erase, erase, erase! 70 00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,837 (tires squealing) 71 00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:26,600 (grunts) Oh, come on. 72 00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,504 We put up a sign and everything. 73 00:04:28,570 --> 00:04:30,073 This is so unreal. 74 00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:33,312 Why did all this traffic suddenly appear on our street? 75 00:04:33,379 --> 00:04:35,450 Wayz told me this was the fastest route. 76 00:04:35,518 --> 00:04:38,089 That's important when you're selling your organs. 77 00:04:38,156 --> 00:04:39,458 Oh, my God, I've heard of this. 78 00:04:39,526 --> 00:04:40,895 That app routes traffic 79 00:04:40,961 --> 00:04:42,732 through a quiet residential neighborhood, 80 00:04:42,799 --> 00:04:45,336 turning it into a gridlocked nightmare. 81 00:04:45,403 --> 00:04:46,640 ("Traffic Jam" by James Taylor playing) 82 00:04:46,706 --> 00:04:48,844 ♪ Damn this traffic jam ♪ 83 00:04:48,911 --> 00:04:51,550 ♪ How I hate to be late, it hurts my motor... ♪ 84 00:04:51,616 --> 00:04:54,622 Sorry, I met someone in another car. 85 00:04:54,689 --> 00:04:57,461 ‐(laughs) ‐♪ Time I get home, my supper will be cold ♪ 86 00:04:57,528 --> 00:04:59,799 ♪ Damn this traffic jam ♪ 87 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,106 ♪ Well, I left my job about five o'clock ♪ 88 00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:05,544 ♪ It took 15 minutes to go three blocks... ♪ 89 00:05:05,611 --> 00:05:07,314 We need to do something. 90 00:05:07,380 --> 00:05:09,485 This is driving the neighborhood nuts. 91 00:05:09,552 --> 00:05:12,157 Even the guy who's always in his underwear. 92 00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:14,094 This is more than I put on for Zoom. 93 00:05:14,161 --> 00:05:16,132 Enough with the traffic. 94 00:05:16,198 --> 00:05:18,035 I'm calling a neighborhood meeting. 95 00:05:18,102 --> 00:05:19,606 (bell chiming) 96 00:05:19,672 --> 00:05:21,208 TOWN CRIER: Neighborhood Meeting. 97 00:05:21,275 --> 00:05:22,812 Neighborhood meeting. 98 00:05:22,879 --> 00:05:26,553 Please rate my app. Please rate my app. 99 00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:29,859 Two stars? My IPO is ruined. 100 00:05:29,926 --> 00:05:32,164 Ruined! Ruined! 101 00:05:32,230 --> 00:05:34,536 (horns honking) 102 00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,272 We're here to talk about 103 00:05:36,338 --> 00:05:39,411 the terrible problem on our street. 104 00:05:39,478 --> 00:05:41,415 ‐Finally. ‐About time. 105 00:05:41,482 --> 00:05:45,423 We assume you're talking about you, the Simpsons. 106 00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:46,526 BOTH: Wha...? 107 00:05:46,593 --> 00:05:48,196 I've seen the boy's moons more times 108 00:05:48,262 --> 00:05:50,501 than I've seen the real one, and I'm an astronomer. 109 00:05:50,568 --> 00:05:52,103 What's wrong with us? 110 00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:55,276 You haven't stopped by to say hello in 25 years, 111 00:05:55,343 --> 00:05:57,013 and I live next door. 112 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,286 The only good one's the baby, and she shot a guy. 113 00:06:00,353 --> 00:06:01,656 (neighbors murmuring) 114 00:06:01,723 --> 00:06:03,527 Wait, are we ignoring the elephant in the room? 115 00:06:03,594 --> 00:06:05,664 By which I mean the big, fat husband. 116 00:06:05,731 --> 00:06:07,735 Every time Homer wears corduroys, 117 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:10,908 I just hear those thighs scraping, scraping, scraping. 118 00:06:10,975 --> 00:06:13,647 Oh, my God. I'm starting to get the idea 119 00:06:13,714 --> 00:06:16,118 you think we're not good neighbors. 120 00:06:16,185 --> 00:06:18,422 (pants scraping) 121 00:06:18,489 --> 00:06:19,759 You see? You see? 122 00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:21,495 Now, don't worry, my friends. 123 00:06:21,563 --> 00:06:23,834 I'm stepping forward to fix this traffic. 124 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:27,173 And by doing so, maybe... just maybe I'll fix 125 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,244 my reputation with you all. 126 00:06:29,311 --> 00:06:34,656 So just say to me what I say to Tinker Bell: "I believe." 127 00:06:36,258 --> 00:06:38,429 And... off I go. 128 00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:39,966 (pants scraping) 129 00:06:44,509 --> 00:06:47,013 Um... no. 130 00:06:47,815 --> 00:06:49,217 "Identify all traffic lights." 131 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,320 Done. 132 00:06:50,386 --> 00:06:52,023 "Identify all yield signs." 133 00:06:52,090 --> 00:06:53,192 Done. 134 00:06:53,259 --> 00:06:55,029 "Identify all the crosswalks." 135 00:06:55,096 --> 00:06:58,369 Oh! Lisa, help me. 136 00:06:58,436 --> 00:06:59,739 Done. 137 00:06:59,806 --> 00:07:01,342 "Identify all fire hydrants." 138 00:07:01,408 --> 00:07:02,545 Done. 139 00:07:02,611 --> 00:07:04,014 Jesuits? Done. 140 00:07:04,081 --> 00:07:05,617 20th‐century dictators? 141 00:07:05,684 --> 00:07:07,722 Uh, overrated fiction? 142 00:07:07,788 --> 00:07:10,894 (groans) Hyperintelligent cartoon characters? 143 00:07:10,961 --> 00:07:12,631 Vegan nut milks? 144 00:07:12,698 --> 00:07:14,535 Future criminals? 145 00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,573 Aah! New England doorways! 146 00:07:16,639 --> 00:07:18,844 Oh, forget this. I'm calling instead. 147 00:07:18,910 --> 00:07:21,315 AUTOMATED VOICE: You've reached Wayz customer service. 148 00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:24,889 You have 5,700 callers ahead of you. 149 00:07:24,956 --> 00:07:28,530 Now, please enjoy the frustrated noises of other callers on hold. 150 00:07:28,597 --> 00:07:30,567 (people groaning) 151 00:07:30,634 --> 00:07:32,671 WOMAN: I'm gonna blow my brains out. 152 00:07:33,472 --> 00:07:34,642 ‐(birds singing) ‐(engines running) 153 00:07:34,709 --> 00:07:37,046 ‐(horn honks) ‐You again? 154 00:07:37,113 --> 00:07:38,850 (horn honking) 155 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,054 Can it be her, after all these years? 156 00:07:41,121 --> 00:07:45,163 The woman I thought was the one stuck behind my car? 157 00:07:45,964 --> 00:07:48,970 ("The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand playing) 158 00:07:49,037 --> 00:07:52,143 ♪ Mmm, mmm ♪ 159 00:07:53,713 --> 00:07:58,690 ♪ Mmm‐mmm‐mmm, mmm‐mmm‐mmm... ♪ 160 00:08:00,527 --> 00:08:02,163 Hi, Moe. I missed you. 161 00:08:02,230 --> 00:08:03,700 I never should've left. 162 00:08:03,767 --> 00:08:07,106 Maya. The longest, best relationship of my life. 163 00:08:07,173 --> 00:08:10,112 That was a great six days. 164 00:08:11,081 --> 00:08:12,918 You're a good kisser. 165 00:08:12,985 --> 00:08:15,657 (chuckles): Yeah. I practice by siphoning gas 166 00:08:15,724 --> 00:08:17,661 out of other people's tanks. 167 00:08:17,728 --> 00:08:21,101 So, is there a knob or an "open sesame" type deal or what? 168 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,038 My house is over there. 169 00:08:23,105 --> 00:08:24,040 MOE: Wha...? 170 00:08:24,107 --> 00:08:26,111 ♪ ♪ 171 00:08:28,282 --> 00:08:31,723 Every day since you left me, I've written you a letter. 172 00:08:32,925 --> 00:08:34,795 Really wish I had gotten your address. 173 00:08:40,306 --> 00:08:42,176 ♪ ♪ 174 00:08:42,243 --> 00:08:43,713 So, how you been, Maya? 175 00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:46,285 Well, I finally got my PhD. 176 00:08:46,351 --> 00:08:47,855 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 177 00:08:47,922 --> 00:08:49,792 You taking medicine for that or what? 178 00:08:49,859 --> 00:08:51,161 (laughs): Oh, Moe. 179 00:08:51,228 --> 00:08:53,733 It's nice to laugh again. How are you? 180 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,403 Oh, I‐I'm doing great. 181 00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:57,875 Yeah, the factory closed, so there's lots of new drunks. 182 00:08:57,942 --> 00:08:59,745 And, uh, oh, the bathroom possum 183 00:08:59,812 --> 00:09:02,250 is getting real good at handing out them combs. 184 00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,295 (sighs) Who am I kidding? 185 00:09:08,362 --> 00:09:09,966 My life is a wreck, Maya. 186 00:09:10,032 --> 00:09:13,305 The face recognition software on my phone says, "Yuck." 187 00:09:13,372 --> 00:09:15,844 My playlist only has breakup songs. 188 00:09:15,911 --> 00:09:18,349 (à la Rodney Dangerfield): It's rough, I'm telling you, yeah. 189 00:09:18,415 --> 00:09:21,088 I miss you, Moses Marie Szyslak. 190 00:09:21,154 --> 00:09:23,693 Oh, no, no, no. Please don't give me that look. 191 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,131 I can't go through it again, Maya. I can't. 192 00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:29,437 Ah, just look at you walking toward me, coming closer, 193 00:09:29,505 --> 00:09:31,441 with those big green eyes of yours 194 00:09:31,509 --> 00:09:32,978 and the great‐smelling hair, 195 00:09:33,045 --> 00:09:36,118 skin smoother than American cheese. 196 00:09:40,527 --> 00:09:43,198 But I want a drink now. 197 00:09:43,265 --> 00:09:45,369 ♪ ♪ 198 00:09:48,475 --> 00:09:52,316 Oh, I wish this moment could last forever, like, uh... 199 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:55,423 uh, I don't know, uh, Henry Winkler's career. 200 00:09:55,489 --> 00:09:57,427 Boy, that guy never jumped the shark. 201 00:09:57,493 --> 00:09:59,164 Not even when he jumped the shark. 202 00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:03,105 Just so I know, have you had another girlfriend since me? 203 00:10:03,172 --> 00:10:04,642 Uh, not really, no. 204 00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:06,144 Uh, no one could match you. 205 00:10:06,211 --> 00:10:09,050 I mean, I have been catfished a few times. 206 00:10:09,117 --> 00:10:10,186 Hey, Moe. 207 00:10:10,252 --> 00:10:12,691 (chuckling): It's us, "Online Gloria." 208 00:10:12,758 --> 00:10:15,229 I'll kill you! Also, I love you. 209 00:10:15,296 --> 00:10:17,634 (both laughing) 210 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:20,306 Oh, Moe, you poor guy. 211 00:10:21,141 --> 00:10:23,078 MOE: Oh, everything is perfect. 212 00:10:23,145 --> 00:10:27,186 Which it always is until I say, "I love you." 213 00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,896 I love you. 214 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:39,979 (chuckles): I love you. Will you marry me? 215 00:10:44,287 --> 00:10:46,224 (buzzer blares) 216 00:10:46,291 --> 00:10:47,393 To hell with women. 217 00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:49,799 I love you, New York. 218 00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:53,405 Help me. Spider‐Man! 219 00:10:57,180 --> 00:10:59,017 (sighs) 220 00:11:00,052 --> 00:11:02,089 Professor, can you get the traffic off our street? 221 00:11:02,156 --> 00:11:03,860 I'll give you anything except for money 222 00:11:03,927 --> 00:11:05,396 or credit for what you did. 223 00:11:05,462 --> 00:11:09,137 The only way to defeat a global data behemoth 224 00:11:09,204 --> 00:11:11,474 is to get into the source code. 225 00:11:11,542 --> 00:11:15,015 Just look what I did here on, uh... on the Wikipedia. 226 00:11:16,786 --> 00:11:18,021 (impressed murmuring) 227 00:11:18,088 --> 00:11:20,392 ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Wayz. 228 00:11:20,459 --> 00:11:23,833 We figure out the fastest route to get you where you want to go. 229 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,471 Our secret? Always collecting data. 230 00:11:26,539 --> 00:11:28,175 But we would never misuse it. 231 00:11:28,242 --> 00:11:29,945 (chuckling): Who do you think we are, Google? 232 00:11:30,012 --> 00:11:31,983 Disclaimer: We're owned by Google. 233 00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:33,085 I've got the answer. 234 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:36,525 What if we made your street... (mutters gibberish) 235 00:11:36,592 --> 00:11:37,895 ...not exist? 236 00:11:37,961 --> 00:11:39,798 Well, where would we live? 237 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,502 (chuckles): Well, that's quite silly. 238 00:11:41,569 --> 00:11:44,775 It would, of course, still exist in real life, 239 00:11:44,842 --> 00:11:47,581 but I could make it disappear from the database. 240 00:11:47,648 --> 00:11:49,350 (mutters gibberish) 241 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,054 ‐All right, let us see here. ‐(typing) 242 00:11:51,121 --> 00:11:53,225 Uh, keystrokes, keystrokes, escape key, 243 00:11:53,292 --> 00:11:56,666 both colon and semicolon, backslash, backslash, 244 00:11:56,732 --> 00:12:00,239 ampersand... 245 00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:03,078 we come to a new day on "no such street." 246 00:12:03,145 --> 00:12:04,748 (chuckles, mutters gibberish) 247 00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:07,320 (Simpsons gasping) 248 00:12:09,357 --> 00:12:12,898 Never again will we be afraid of cars. 249 00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:15,704 MAN: Get thee out of my way, English! 250 00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:19,210 It's time to play in the streets! 251 00:12:20,212 --> 00:12:21,448 Haw‐haw! 252 00:12:27,894 --> 00:12:31,134 (whimpers) Climate change is real. 253 00:12:31,201 --> 00:12:33,840 (applause) 254 00:12:35,610 --> 00:12:37,113 They know I did this. 255 00:12:37,179 --> 00:12:39,718 They're making eye contact with me. Eye contact. 256 00:12:39,785 --> 00:12:42,223 Even the guy with the boat in his driveway. 257 00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:44,962 Hey, hey, Homer, want to come on my boat with me? 258 00:12:45,029 --> 00:12:45,964 In the water? 259 00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:46,999 Eh, we'll see. 260 00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:48,235 Uh, one step at a time. 261 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,372 I will never get tired of this. 262 00:12:50,439 --> 00:12:52,611 Never. Never, ever. 263 00:12:53,646 --> 00:12:55,850 So, what do you feel like doing? 264 00:12:55,917 --> 00:12:58,188 I don't know, I... I feel like singing. 265 00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,760 ♪ You're bringing me sunshine ♪ 266 00:13:00,827 --> 00:13:02,430 ♪ Moe ♪ 267 00:13:02,496 --> 00:13:05,302 ♪ It's like vodka with fresh lime ♪ 268 00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,039 ♪ Let it flow ♪ 269 00:13:07,106 --> 00:13:09,611 ♪ I'm having a fun time ♪ 270 00:13:09,678 --> 00:13:11,649 ♪ Whoa ♪ 271 00:13:11,715 --> 00:13:13,719 ♪ Serving up red wine ♪ 272 00:13:13,786 --> 00:13:15,690 ♪ Pinot ♪ 273 00:13:15,757 --> 00:13:17,426 ♪ I drink more than I should ♪ 274 00:13:17,493 --> 00:13:19,832 ♪ Don't it, don't it, don't it, don't it ♪ 275 00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:21,802 ♪ Don't it, don't it feel good. ♪ 276 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,138 (belches) 277 00:13:23,205 --> 00:13:25,275 Hey, are you guys an item again? 278 00:13:25,342 --> 00:13:27,881 (chuckles) Well, maybe, maybe. 279 00:13:27,948 --> 00:13:29,585 We definitely are. 280 00:13:29,651 --> 00:13:31,589 He has a toothbrush at my place. 281 00:13:31,655 --> 00:13:33,158 Yeah, but, yeah, it's a rental. 282 00:13:33,225 --> 00:13:36,064 Moe's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 283 00:13:36,131 --> 00:13:38,703 And this time, it's gonna last. 284 00:13:38,769 --> 00:13:40,740 Way to go, Moe. Three cheers. 285 00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:42,243 ALL: Hip, hip, hooray! 286 00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:44,715 Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip... 287 00:13:44,781 --> 00:13:46,752 Homer, come in the alley with me. 288 00:13:46,819 --> 00:13:49,858 (gasps) My doctor warned me not to cut off a "hip, hip, hooray." 289 00:13:49,925 --> 00:13:51,862 (taking deep, gasping breaths) 290 00:13:51,929 --> 00:13:53,799 Look, Maya left me once. 291 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,703 I just know she's gonna leave me again. 292 00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:57,406 This‐this is a disaster. 293 00:13:57,473 --> 00:14:00,345 You're the only guy here who knows how to hold on to a woman. 294 00:14:00,412 --> 00:14:02,817 What is your secret? How do you keep Midge? 295 00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:05,255 Well, it's, uh... it's, um... 296 00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:06,324 Hmm. 297 00:14:06,391 --> 00:14:08,028 It helps if you get them pregnant. 298 00:14:08,094 --> 00:14:10,900 Please, I need some actual, real advice here. 299 00:14:10,967 --> 00:14:13,104 Yeah, I better call Midge. 300 00:14:13,171 --> 00:14:14,040 Hello. 301 00:14:14,106 --> 00:14:15,577 Honey, I'm here in the alley with Moe. 302 00:14:15,643 --> 00:14:17,379 The only woman who ever loved him came back, 303 00:14:17,446 --> 00:14:19,383 and he's afraid she's gonna leave him again. 304 00:14:19,450 --> 00:14:20,587 What should he do? 305 00:14:20,653 --> 00:14:22,456 Hand him the phone. 306 00:14:22,524 --> 00:14:24,661 Moe, trust love. 307 00:14:24,728 --> 00:14:25,897 Gotcha. 308 00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:27,166 Your wife's an idiot. 309 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,836 Another tray of doughnuts. 310 00:14:28,903 --> 00:14:30,773 This time from that family over there. 311 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,044 Geez, I can't take all this adulation. 312 00:14:33,111 --> 00:14:35,215 This must be what drove Randy Quaid crazy. 313 00:14:35,282 --> 00:14:36,919 Mr. Simpson, will you throw out 314 00:14:36,986 --> 00:14:38,623 the first pitch at my Little League game? 315 00:14:38,689 --> 00:14:41,027 Want to have coffee on my boat in the parking lot? 316 00:14:41,094 --> 00:14:42,764 Do you ever take it in the water? 317 00:14:42,831 --> 00:14:43,933 Not yet. 318 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,903 Please, I'm just here to eat. 319 00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:47,741 Geez, you were mad they didn't like you, 320 00:14:47,807 --> 00:14:49,343 and now you're mad they like you. 321 00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:52,449 I just want to be left alone with my to‐do list. 322 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,753 Excuse me. 323 00:14:53,819 --> 00:14:55,723 Will you be godfather to my baby? 324 00:14:55,790 --> 00:14:57,359 Let me see it. 325 00:14:57,426 --> 00:14:58,996 Ugh. Pass. 326 00:14:59,063 --> 00:14:59,898 Okay, Moe. I'll be back in 20 minutes. 327 00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:03,506 I'm just getting some stuff for dinner. 328 00:15:03,572 --> 00:15:05,442 ‐Love you. ‐Mwah. 329 00:15:05,510 --> 00:15:07,179 Love you, too. 330 00:15:07,246 --> 00:15:10,118 MOE: Moe. Oh, Moe. 331 00:15:10,185 --> 00:15:11,989 Huh? 332 00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:14,260 Look at you. Look at us. 333 00:15:14,327 --> 00:15:16,364 She's not gonna come back. 334 00:15:16,431 --> 00:15:18,602 ‐They never come back. ‐Oh, yeah? 335 00:15:18,669 --> 00:15:21,341 Well, this time, I'm not gonna listen to mirrors 336 00:15:21,407 --> 00:15:22,476 or mud puddles 337 00:15:22,544 --> 00:15:24,948 or my upside‐down face in a spoon. 338 00:15:25,015 --> 00:15:27,453 This time, I'm gonna believe. 339 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,390 Oh, no, you're not. 340 00:15:30,158 --> 00:15:31,995 No one could love you. 341 00:15:32,062 --> 00:15:33,398 Stop it, stop it, stop it! 342 00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:35,570 What does it take to get a beer around here? 343 00:15:35,636 --> 00:15:36,772 BOTH MOES: Shut up! 344 00:15:36,839 --> 00:15:38,776 Shut up? I would stop coming here 345 00:15:38,843 --> 00:15:41,013 if you weren't the only place in stumbling distance. 346 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,383 You are not real. 347 00:15:42,449 --> 00:15:44,755 You're just that nagging voice of self‐doubt 348 00:15:44,821 --> 00:15:46,124 that lives in my head. 349 00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:48,261 That's right. Easy in, easy out. 350 00:15:48,328 --> 00:15:50,031 Well, this time, I'm gonna stop you 351 00:15:50,098 --> 00:15:52,469 before you wreck my life. 352 00:15:52,537 --> 00:15:54,407 (grunting) 353 00:15:54,473 --> 00:15:57,680 Now you're a loser with seven years bad luck. 354 00:15:57,747 --> 00:15:59,518 (laughing) 355 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:00,853 ♪ ♪ 356 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,857 ♪ No one likes you ♪ 357 00:16:02,924 --> 00:16:04,493 ♪ You're the worst ♪ 358 00:16:04,561 --> 00:16:08,001 ♪ We'd all be happy if your head just burst ♪ 359 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:11,174 ♪ The world could not hate you more ♪ 360 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:16,217 ♪ You lousy, oozing canker sore ♪ 361 00:16:16,284 --> 00:16:18,689 (laughing): I guess what we're trying to say is... 362 00:16:18,756 --> 00:16:22,029 ♪ You'll die alone. ♪ 363 00:16:22,095 --> 00:16:23,164 You're right. 364 00:16:23,231 --> 00:16:25,035 You beautiful bastards are right. 365 00:16:25,101 --> 00:16:27,172 (groans) 366 00:16:28,374 --> 00:16:31,047 ‐(whistles) ‐Mm‐hmm. ‐Ah, yeah. 367 00:16:34,153 --> 00:16:35,857 Huh? What the...? 368 00:16:35,923 --> 00:16:38,027 Moe? You're hiding here? 369 00:16:38,094 --> 00:16:40,766 Yeah. Bart's treehouse is the one place 370 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,336 no one will look for me. 371 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,240 Plus, there are no girls allowed, 372 00:16:44,306 --> 00:16:46,244 which, uh, helps. 373 00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:48,214 Moe's going through a tough time, son. 374 00:16:48,281 --> 00:16:49,584 Just play around him. 375 00:16:49,651 --> 00:16:51,655 We'll just pretend he's a dead, rotting alien. 376 00:16:51,722 --> 00:16:52,690 Thank you, son. 377 00:16:52,757 --> 00:16:55,428 (Milhouse and Bart imitating weapons blasting) 378 00:16:55,495 --> 00:16:57,567 (sobbing) 379 00:16:57,634 --> 00:16:59,270 The alien's alive! 380 00:16:59,336 --> 00:17:01,274 ‐And it has feelings. ‐Kill him! 381 00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:02,911 (both resume imitating weapons blasting) 382 00:17:02,977 --> 00:17:05,181 (groaning, sobbing) 383 00:17:11,127 --> 00:17:12,931 I'm sorry, no breakfast 384 00:17:12,997 --> 00:17:15,168 until you get Moe out of the treehouse. 385 00:17:16,304 --> 00:17:19,176 And I'll keep your bacon safe while you're gone. 386 00:17:20,445 --> 00:17:23,217 Thank God I have my pocket bacon. 387 00:17:24,219 --> 00:17:27,259 Moe, you can't stay here anymore. 388 00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:29,463 Sure, I can. Uh, you want some eggs with that? 389 00:17:29,531 --> 00:17:31,735 I got 'em out of that nest over there. 390 00:17:31,802 --> 00:17:33,071 Just one. 391 00:17:33,137 --> 00:17:34,975 I don't want to be rude. 392 00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:36,912 Listen, Moe, every once in a while, 393 00:17:36,979 --> 00:17:40,352 a beautiful woman falls in love with a homely guy like us. 394 00:17:40,418 --> 00:17:42,222 You got to make the most of it. 395 00:17:42,289 --> 00:17:45,428 If Kevin James can find happiness, why can't you? 396 00:17:45,495 --> 00:17:47,667 (laughs): And he was always wearing shorts. 397 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,640 You know, after all these years, I dated all these women, 398 00:17:50,706 --> 00:17:53,579 and it always just goes back to square one. 399 00:17:53,646 --> 00:17:55,181 Lonely old Moe. 400 00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:57,119 Well, there is a way around that. 401 00:17:57,185 --> 00:17:58,822 You could propose. 402 00:17:58,889 --> 00:18:00,425 Wha...? 403 00:18:00,492 --> 00:18:03,632 What are you proposing I propose? 404 00:18:03,699 --> 00:18:06,003 I mean the big "M." 405 00:18:06,070 --> 00:18:08,007 ‐Murder‐suicide? ‐No. 406 00:18:08,074 --> 00:18:10,378 ‐Marriage. ‐(chuckles): Marriage? Whoa. 407 00:18:10,445 --> 00:18:12,249 You mean I could have the thing you're always 408 00:18:12,315 --> 00:18:14,688 coming into my bar and moaning about? 409 00:18:16,758 --> 00:18:18,294 You know what? She's worth it. 410 00:18:18,361 --> 00:18:20,398 I'll give it a shot. 411 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,841 Okay. This is as far as we go. 412 00:18:24,908 --> 00:18:26,343 Yeah, yeah, okay. 413 00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:28,414 Let me just straighten myself up. 414 00:18:34,093 --> 00:18:36,263 ♪ ♪ 415 00:18:45,215 --> 00:18:48,054 You'd better speak fast, or for the second time, 416 00:18:48,121 --> 00:18:49,991 you're gonna lose the first good thing 417 00:18:50,058 --> 00:18:51,427 that's ever happened to you. 418 00:18:51,494 --> 00:18:53,331 I'm so sorry. You're great, so great, 419 00:18:53,397 --> 00:18:54,968 and all I've been is afraid. 420 00:18:56,705 --> 00:18:57,707 (gasps) 421 00:18:57,774 --> 00:19:00,311 But all I got to do is look in your eyes. 422 00:19:00,378 --> 00:19:02,115 Baby, I love you so much. 423 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:05,054 You stick with me, you'll get everything you ever wanted. 424 00:19:05,121 --> 00:19:06,958 I will never doubt you again. 425 00:19:07,025 --> 00:19:08,461 You can control the remote. 426 00:19:08,529 --> 00:19:10,699 You can pick all our vacations. 427 00:19:10,766 --> 00:19:13,404 And because I know the ladies like it this way, 428 00:19:13,471 --> 00:19:16,043 I will leave the toilet seat on. 429 00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:18,982 Maya, will you marry me? 430 00:19:19,049 --> 00:19:21,287 ♪ ♪ 431 00:19:23,759 --> 00:19:25,028 Forget it, loser. 432 00:19:25,094 --> 00:19:26,965 Gorillas like us don't get the girl. 433 00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:30,673 We're lucky if our cage gets hosed down once a week. 434 00:19:30,739 --> 00:19:32,008 Yes. 435 00:19:32,075 --> 00:19:33,946 I knew it! That's it. 436 00:19:34,012 --> 00:19:35,549 I'm never getting up again. 437 00:19:35,616 --> 00:19:38,221 Staying here, on the ground. 438 00:19:38,287 --> 00:19:40,225 Wait, you‐you said yes. 439 00:19:40,291 --> 00:19:42,864 Yes, Moe. Yes. 440 00:19:45,970 --> 00:19:47,673 ("The Way We Were" playing) 441 00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:51,480 ♪ Memories ♪ 442 00:19:51,548 --> 00:19:56,825 ♪ Light the corners of my mind ♪ 443 00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:02,803 ♪ Misty, watercolored ♪ 444 00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:07,112 ♪ Memories ♪ 445 00:20:07,178 --> 00:20:12,389 ♪ Of the way we were. ♪ 446 00:20:13,257 --> 00:20:15,696 Good song, but, uh, the movie is crap. 447 00:20:20,405 --> 00:20:21,875 (crying, sniffling) 448 00:20:21,942 --> 00:20:23,044 What is it, Mosie? 449 00:20:23,110 --> 00:20:24,413 Oh, it's just, uh... 450 00:20:24,479 --> 00:20:26,183 I ain't never been able to use this... 451 00:20:26,250 --> 00:20:27,787 until now. 452 00:20:29,256 --> 00:20:31,393 ‐(sobs) ‐Aw. 453 00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:34,299 Here you go, my good man. 454 00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:37,072 Eh, this expired‐a ten years ago. 455 00:20:37,138 --> 00:20:38,274 Ah, damn it! 456 00:20:38,341 --> 00:20:39,443 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 457 00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:40,746 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 458 00:20:40,813 --> 00:20:42,482 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 459 00:20:42,550 --> 00:20:43,785 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 460 00:20:43,852 --> 00:20:46,658 LISA: "Identify all the existentialists." 461 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,496 Celebrity chefs. 462 00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:52,937 Very soft minerals. 463 00:20:53,004 --> 00:20:55,509 Bebop jazz musicians. Yes! 464 00:20:57,012 --> 00:20:58,815 Tropical birds. 465 00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:01,955 Chess grand masters? 466 00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:04,861 Stone fruits? 467 00:21:06,263 --> 00:21:08,668 American Revolutionary battles? 468 00:21:09,871 --> 00:21:11,841 Nail shank diameters? 469 00:21:12,843 --> 00:21:14,981 Aah! And I'm in. Ha. 470 00:21:15,048 --> 00:21:16,383 MARGE: Lisa, time for bed. 471 00:21:16,450 --> 00:21:18,588 LISA: Oh, man. 472 00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:26,704 Shh!