1 00:00:06,547 --> 00:00:09,586 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 2 00:00:15,130 --> 00:00:17,536 (all three grunt) 3 00:00:17,636 --> 00:00:18,771 (grunting) 4 00:00:18,871 --> 00:00:20,608 Listen up, ya pukes. 5 00:00:20,708 --> 00:00:23,446 You're only calling us that 'cause we puked in the van. 6 00:00:23,581 --> 00:00:25,284 You've been sentenced to complete 7 00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:27,622 "The Highland Trek for Troubled Truants" 8 00:00:27,722 --> 00:00:29,526 by the juvenile court. 9 00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:31,195 So why are you in charge? 10 00:00:31,296 --> 00:00:34,402 Because this is my sentence from the adult court! 11 00:00:34,536 --> 00:00:36,339 Now watch the video. 12 00:00:36,439 --> 00:00:39,245 Welcome, wayward teens and aspiring criminals. 13 00:00:39,345 --> 00:00:41,584 The Highlands Trek will teach you resilience, 14 00:00:41,684 --> 00:00:44,355 team-building, collective mindfulness-- 15 00:00:44,422 --> 00:00:45,725 WILLIE: Stupid buzzwords! 16 00:00:45,792 --> 00:00:47,027 They mean nothing. 17 00:00:47,127 --> 00:00:49,800 Just get your sorry arses to Ankle Rock 18 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,469 by tomorrow at noon. 19 00:00:51,570 --> 00:00:53,440 Uh, I'm not really seeing the ankle. 20 00:00:53,507 --> 00:00:56,346 The ankle doesn't care what ya see! 21 00:00:57,481 --> 00:00:59,519 (munching loudly) 22 00:01:03,694 --> 00:01:04,596 (chuckles) 23 00:01:04,696 --> 00:01:06,399 Oh, man, this is so lame. 24 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,236 They're just picking on us because we're thugs 25 00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:10,775 and badasses, right, guys? 26 00:01:10,842 --> 00:01:13,446 (chuckles) Nice backpack, Simpson. 27 00:01:13,514 --> 00:01:16,787 What do you got in there, ladies' underwear? 28 00:01:16,854 --> 00:01:18,524 (both laughing) 29 00:01:18,591 --> 00:01:21,062 Lovely, you've already isolated the weak one. 30 00:01:21,129 --> 00:01:24,368 (laughs) But there's still one more delinquent 31 00:01:24,435 --> 00:01:27,174 to join your scurvy crew. 32 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:33,086 Hello, fellows. (grunts) 33 00:01:33,153 --> 00:01:36,225 Oh, my! I seem to have turtled myself. 34 00:01:36,292 --> 00:01:40,400 Now, Martin, don't forget your nightly tick check. 35 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,772 You know how they love the little fat folds 36 00:01:42,872 --> 00:01:44,676 - in your tum-tum. - Yes, Mother. 37 00:01:44,776 --> 00:01:48,116 My magnifying glass and tweezers are in my toiletry pouch. 38 00:01:48,216 --> 00:01:49,953 - Huh? - Uh... 39 00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:51,222 BART: Thank you, God! 40 00:01:51,289 --> 00:01:52,759 You sent me a dork so dweeby 41 00:01:52,826 --> 00:01:54,128 even I can pick on him. 42 00:01:54,228 --> 00:01:56,332 Nice backpack, Martin. 43 00:01:56,432 --> 00:01:58,938 What do you got in there, ladies' underwear? 44 00:01:59,005 --> 00:02:00,908 - (both laugh) - Good one. 45 00:02:01,009 --> 00:02:02,411 (laughs) 46 00:02:02,478 --> 00:02:04,750 Come on, Simpson, let's get this over with. 47 00:02:04,816 --> 00:02:08,223 Oh, and as you wander aimlessly, freezing, hungry 48 00:02:08,323 --> 00:02:11,462 and weeping for your mothers, keep your eyes open. 49 00:02:11,563 --> 00:02:14,101 Along the way, you might just find 50 00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:17,509 the greatest of all treasures. 51 00:02:17,575 --> 00:02:18,577 Whoa, treasure. 52 00:02:18,678 --> 00:02:20,280 This death march to stay out of prison 53 00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,484 just got interesting. 54 00:02:22,552 --> 00:02:24,556 (chuckles) They're so screwed. 55 00:02:24,656 --> 00:02:27,562 Well, better get off to me side hustle. 56 00:02:29,098 --> 00:02:32,572 Woof, woof! Birthday Dog says, "Happy birthday." 57 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:34,710 ♪ ♪ 58 00:02:36,513 --> 00:02:38,183 So, Simpson, 59 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:41,055 what did you do to get stuck on this perp hike? 60 00:02:41,155 --> 00:02:42,726 Let's just say I got a little creative 61 00:02:42,826 --> 00:02:44,896 with some laundry pods. 62 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,468 (air horn blows) 63 00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:48,838 (explosion) 64 00:02:48,904 --> 00:02:50,608 (cats meowing) 65 00:02:50,675 --> 00:02:51,844 (siren wailing) 66 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,146 (buzzer sounds) 67 00:02:53,213 --> 00:02:55,518 Not bad. Juvenile, but delinquent. 68 00:02:55,585 --> 00:02:58,289 Not half as cool as what I did, though. 69 00:02:59,793 --> 00:03:01,095 (bell dings) 70 00:03:01,195 --> 00:03:02,231 (siren wailing) 71 00:03:02,297 --> 00:03:04,268 (buzzer sounds) 72 00:03:04,335 --> 00:03:07,241 What can I say? I love dining al fresco. 73 00:03:07,341 --> 00:03:09,980 Who doesn't? But check out what I did. 74 00:03:10,782 --> 00:03:13,587 - (glass shattering) - (coins jingling) 75 00:03:13,654 --> 00:03:16,225 - (siren wailing) - (buzzer sounds) 76 00:03:16,325 --> 00:03:19,165 I wonder what Princey Pants did to get stuck here? 77 00:03:19,231 --> 00:03:21,770 Nothing. I chose to be here. 78 00:03:21,837 --> 00:03:22,806 ALL THREE: Wha...? 79 00:03:22,872 --> 00:03:24,108 This extracurricular activity 80 00:03:24,175 --> 00:03:27,381 will give me an edge with the most exclusive middle schools. 81 00:03:27,481 --> 00:03:29,418 Carvingsley, Thistleberry Hall... 82 00:03:29,519 --> 00:03:32,024 - Stop being you. - (grunting) 83 00:03:32,091 --> 00:03:34,161 BART: Included in the shoving circle. 84 00:03:34,261 --> 00:03:36,199 Could this day get any better? 85 00:03:36,265 --> 00:03:38,203 Wisteria Country Day... 86 00:03:38,269 --> 00:03:39,405 (humming) 87 00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:41,610 Hey, Marjorie, without the boy around, 88 00:03:41,677 --> 00:03:43,814 - maybe we can... (whispering) - Mm. 89 00:03:43,881 --> 00:03:45,417 And... (whispering) 90 00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:47,221 - Mm. - And... (giggles) 91 00:03:47,254 --> 00:03:49,125 (whispering) 92 00:03:49,191 --> 00:03:51,229 Oh, Homie, I like two of those things. 93 00:03:51,295 --> 00:03:53,333 And I'll consider the third. 94 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,404 (both giggling) 95 00:03:55,538 --> 00:03:57,174 - (both gasp) - Non-problem child! 96 00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:59,579 Mom, Dad, with Bart away, 97 00:03:59,679 --> 00:04:03,253 I can now fulfill a dream I never dared speak aloud. 98 00:04:03,353 --> 00:04:06,192 For one fleeting weekend, I want to live as... 99 00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:08,062 an only child. 100 00:04:08,129 --> 00:04:10,668 "Only child"? What about Maggie? 101 00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:14,375 Um, I kind of made alternate arrangements for her. 102 00:04:14,442 --> 00:04:17,281 Time for a Flip This Bathroom marathon. 103 00:04:17,347 --> 00:04:20,721 Ooh, baby, Mama loves her terra cotta. 104 00:04:20,788 --> 00:04:22,424 (sighs) 105 00:04:22,525 --> 00:04:24,830 As you can see on this pie chart, 106 00:04:24,896 --> 00:04:28,403 this is the time you spend on my older and younger siblings. 107 00:04:28,504 --> 00:04:30,975 So, if you'll just humor a middle child's 108 00:04:31,042 --> 00:04:32,679 most frivolous whimsy, 109 00:04:32,745 --> 00:04:35,283 I would like you to spend the entire weekend 110 00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:37,856 focusing only on me. 111 00:04:37,922 --> 00:04:39,158 - No. - Homer! 112 00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:40,761 Of course we will. 113 00:04:40,828 --> 00:04:42,164 Oh, it's wonderful! 114 00:04:42,264 --> 00:04:43,767 Oh, and for the next two days, 115 00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:46,305 I would like you to call me Jules. 116 00:04:46,439 --> 00:04:48,711 I think an only child would have a name 117 00:04:48,811 --> 00:04:50,781 like Jules. 118 00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:54,321 Okay! Our first only-child activity 119 00:04:54,388 --> 00:04:55,958 is gonna be playing horsey. 120 00:04:56,058 --> 00:04:58,062 Start working on your neighs. 121 00:04:58,196 --> 00:05:00,100 (both neighing) 122 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,371 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 123 00:05:08,449 --> 00:05:11,088 ♪ Who still sleeps in Mommy's bed? ♪ 124 00:05:11,155 --> 00:05:13,359 ♪ Seymour Skinner ♪ 125 00:05:13,459 --> 00:05:15,832 ♪ Who wears a toupee on his head? ♪ 126 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,735 ♪ Seymour Skinner ♪ 127 00:05:17,802 --> 00:05:20,373 ♪ Who kisses Gary Chalmers' butt? ♪ 128 00:05:20,508 --> 00:05:22,512 ♪ Seymour Skinner ♪ 129 00:05:22,579 --> 00:05:25,417 ♪ He does his best with budget cuts ♪ 130 00:05:25,518 --> 00:05:28,557 ♪ Seymour Skinner... ♪ 131 00:05:28,657 --> 00:05:30,528 (sighs) Don't worry, guys. 132 00:05:30,595 --> 00:05:33,299 I got this. (grunts) 133 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:35,036 (bleating nearby) 134 00:05:35,103 --> 00:05:36,940 What the hell was that? 135 00:05:37,007 --> 00:05:39,011 It's a baby goat. 136 00:05:39,078 --> 00:05:40,748 In a cage. 137 00:05:40,815 --> 00:05:42,619 (bleating) 138 00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:44,421 Yeah, okay, okay. The best thing to do 139 00:05:44,488 --> 00:05:46,392 is just kick it and leave. 140 00:05:46,459 --> 00:05:49,265 Hold on, goat-- G-O-A-T. 141 00:05:49,331 --> 00:05:51,603 This has to be the "greatest of all treasures" 142 00:05:51,703 --> 00:05:54,275 that janitor guy was talking about. 143 00:05:54,375 --> 00:05:55,978 What kind of treasure is a goat? 144 00:05:56,045 --> 00:05:58,684 Trust me, I've done all the disciplinary courses. 145 00:05:58,751 --> 00:06:02,391 Outward Bound, Inward Pummel, Empathy Boot Camp. 146 00:06:02,457 --> 00:06:04,529 They always have stupid word puzzles, 147 00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:06,098 and this is one of them. 148 00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:09,238 We got to take the goat with us back to Ankle Rock. 149 00:06:09,305 --> 00:06:11,677 Hell no-- I don't trust that thing. 150 00:06:11,743 --> 00:06:13,547 Look at those frog-ass eyes. 151 00:06:13,647 --> 00:06:15,618 Which way is he even supposed to be looking? 152 00:06:15,718 --> 00:06:17,120 (bleats) 153 00:06:17,221 --> 00:06:18,423 Tough nards, goat-scroat. 154 00:06:18,524 --> 00:06:20,026 It's coming with us. 155 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,665 Welcome to the Troubled Truants. 156 00:06:22,732 --> 00:06:24,435 (bleats) 157 00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,673 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 158 00:06:30,447 --> 00:06:32,451 (bleating) 159 00:06:32,552 --> 00:06:34,522 BART: You know, this goat's pretty cool. 160 00:06:34,589 --> 00:06:37,595 I think we should call him... Axel. 161 00:06:37,729 --> 00:06:40,501 No way! That name's reserved for Axl Rose, 162 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,404 the god of heavy metal. 163 00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:44,943 Well, this Axel eats metal. 164 00:06:45,043 --> 00:06:47,582 (gasps) My hearts of palm! 165 00:06:47,649 --> 00:06:50,420 Whoa! Axel likes nerd grub. 166 00:06:50,487 --> 00:06:52,424 (chuckles) Let's see what other 167 00:06:52,491 --> 00:06:53,894 - stupid stuff it eats. - (gasps) 168 00:06:53,961 --> 00:06:55,230 My smoothie-shaker! 169 00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:56,934 My graphing calculator! 170 00:06:57,034 --> 00:06:58,704 (gasps) My night crocs! 171 00:06:58,804 --> 00:07:00,407 (sobbing) 172 00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:04,481 Guys, maybe we should let him keep some of his stuff? 173 00:07:04,516 --> 00:07:06,553 You're sticking up for this dorkus? 174 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:09,391 Maybe you're not the jerk we thought you were. 175 00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:11,797 (moaning nearby) 176 00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:15,203 (monstrous voice): Return our sacrificial goat. 177 00:07:15,270 --> 00:07:18,644 Or my scythe shall reap your souls. 178 00:07:19,445 --> 00:07:22,184 - (all scream) - (Axel bleating) 179 00:07:26,025 --> 00:07:30,133 (monstrous voice): Return our goat or die! 180 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,435 (all scream) 181 00:07:31,503 --> 00:07:33,272 (Axel bleating) 182 00:07:33,339 --> 00:07:35,578 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 183 00:07:40,487 --> 00:07:42,290 (panting): Haw-haw! Haw-haw! 184 00:07:42,357 --> 00:07:43,961 Haw-haw! 185 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:48,504 I think those skull-heads were Satanists. 186 00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:51,442 Ah, great, we finally meet someone cool, 187 00:07:51,543 --> 00:07:53,580 and they want to chop us in half. 188 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,885 According to the map, this river goes 189 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:57,588 right by Ankle Rock. 190 00:07:57,722 --> 00:07:59,491 And, look, Dame Fortune 191 00:07:59,559 --> 00:08:01,797 has gifted us a canoe. 192 00:08:03,967 --> 00:08:05,671 Let's splash this thing. 193 00:08:05,805 --> 00:08:06,840 (bleating) 194 00:08:06,907 --> 00:08:08,911 Come on, Axel, get in the boat. 195 00:08:08,977 --> 00:08:11,850 Ugh. Forget that stupid chomp horse. 196 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,252 Just leave him. 197 00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:15,190 Yeah, bros before goats. 198 00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:18,530 But you said he was the greatest of all treasures. 199 00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:20,200 I'm allowed to change my mind. 200 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,605 I contain multitudes, dingus. 201 00:08:22,705 --> 00:08:25,343 But if the Satanists find Axel, they'll slaughter 202 00:08:25,443 --> 00:08:27,515 every last hair on his chinny chin chin! 203 00:08:27,582 --> 00:08:30,020 We can just walk-- it'll take a little longer, 204 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,359 but I can always use more steps on my FatBit. 205 00:08:33,426 --> 00:08:34,896 - Walk? - No way! 206 00:08:34,996 --> 00:08:37,034 Okay, Simpson, you got to choose. 207 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,071 Boat or goat? 208 00:08:39,672 --> 00:08:40,908 (soft, sad bleat) 209 00:08:40,975 --> 00:08:42,277 Mm... 210 00:08:42,344 --> 00:08:45,083 I guess I'm with Axel. 211 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,187 And... Martin. 212 00:08:47,254 --> 00:08:48,690 (Martin whooping) 213 00:08:48,791 --> 00:08:51,262 Your funeral, nard-bags. 214 00:08:51,362 --> 00:08:53,567 Okay, river, to Ankle Rock. 215 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,805 It's just you and me, chum. 216 00:08:55,871 --> 00:08:58,476 And, good news, the footbridge across the river 217 00:08:58,544 --> 00:09:00,748 is only eight kilometers away. 218 00:09:00,848 --> 00:09:03,887 (sighs) This day just keeps getting better. 219 00:09:03,987 --> 00:09:06,526 This day just keeps getting better! 220 00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:08,463 Ha! My roll again. 221 00:09:08,530 --> 00:09:10,366 Boy, my turn comes so much quicker 222 00:09:10,433 --> 00:09:12,605 when there's only the three of us. 223 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,578 This is pretty fun, Lisa. 224 00:09:15,644 --> 00:09:18,116 - (clears throat) - I mean, Jules, Jules. 225 00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:20,521 I didn't even know we had Suffragette Monopoly. 226 00:09:20,621 --> 00:09:22,892 And there's the box. 227 00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:25,263 Because it's been buried under the games 228 00:09:25,296 --> 00:09:27,100 Bart always gets to play. 229 00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:29,873 And there are the boxes. 230 00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:30,908 Ha! Yay! 231 00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:33,179 You landed on my protest corner. 232 00:09:33,246 --> 00:09:35,049 $250, please. 233 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,185 Fine, here's 234 00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:39,258 two Lucretia Motts and an Elizabeth Cady Stanton. 235 00:09:39,324 --> 00:09:41,262 But I want to wear the hat. 236 00:09:41,362 --> 00:09:42,264 - Hmm? - Mm. 237 00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:43,600 Is that the time? 238 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:44,869 We're way behind on my list 239 00:09:44,936 --> 00:09:46,807 of only-child activities. 240 00:09:46,873 --> 00:09:49,077 Hmm, "stuffed animal high tea, 241 00:09:49,144 --> 00:09:50,714 toenail painting party?" 242 00:09:50,815 --> 00:09:52,618 Do I even have toenails? 243 00:09:52,685 --> 00:09:54,354 Our sourdough should have been 244 00:09:54,455 --> 00:09:56,459 in the proving drawer 20 minutes ago! 245 00:09:56,492 --> 00:09:58,229 Honey, relax. 246 00:09:58,329 --> 00:09:59,766 We have plenty of time. 247 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,970 Bart will be back in 18 hours. 248 00:10:02,037 --> 00:10:03,540 Now, let's get moving, people. 249 00:10:03,607 --> 00:10:04,909 If this bread doesn't rise, 250 00:10:04,976 --> 00:10:07,047 you're gonna see a side of Jules 251 00:10:07,147 --> 00:10:08,951 you never knew existed. 252 00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:11,322 (whispering loudly): I'm scared of Jules. 253 00:10:12,892 --> 00:10:15,396 - Stupid oars. - Stupid river. 254 00:10:15,497 --> 00:10:17,735 (grunting) 255 00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:21,877 (shivering) 256 00:10:21,977 --> 00:10:24,616 - (thunder rolling) - Huh? 257 00:10:24,682 --> 00:10:26,352 (both shivering) 258 00:10:26,452 --> 00:10:28,456 "Welcome to our Airbnb." 259 00:10:28,524 --> 00:10:29,792 What the hell's that? 260 00:10:29,859 --> 00:10:31,630 It's when rich people rent their extra houses out 261 00:10:31,730 --> 00:10:34,702 - for lots of money. - Extra houses? 262 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,374 Gah... 263 00:10:38,710 --> 00:10:42,050 ("Everybody's Jumping" by Dave Brubeck Quartet playing) 264 00:10:45,456 --> 00:10:47,962 BOTH: Oh! 265 00:10:48,062 --> 00:10:49,732 Al fresco! 266 00:10:49,799 --> 00:10:51,937 (thunder crashes) 267 00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:54,909 My parents won't let me watch Itchy and Scratchy. 268 00:10:54,943 --> 00:10:58,015 But I do watch Caillou, a Canadian educational program 269 00:10:58,082 --> 00:11:01,455 about a bald boy fascinated by the world around him. 270 00:11:01,523 --> 00:11:03,927 (groans) Sounds great. 271 00:11:04,027 --> 00:11:07,467 Hey, my Code Orange Nuclear Cheezee Thingz! 272 00:11:07,535 --> 00:11:09,606 That's my breakfast, lunch and dinner. 273 00:11:09,639 --> 00:11:11,643 (bleats, burps) 274 00:11:11,743 --> 00:11:14,014 You know, Bart, this summer, my family's going 275 00:11:14,081 --> 00:11:17,153 to visit Grandmother Didi and her friend Carol 276 00:11:17,254 --> 00:11:18,757 on Sanibel Island. 277 00:11:18,891 --> 00:11:20,761 Mother and Father said I can bring a chum. 278 00:11:20,895 --> 00:11:23,232 What say that chum were you? 279 00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:24,869 (groans) Shut up! 280 00:11:24,936 --> 00:11:28,009 Just because we both like this goat doesn't mean I like you. 281 00:11:28,075 --> 00:11:30,581 I mean, come on, you're a loser nerd 282 00:11:30,681 --> 00:11:32,384 and I'm King Stink. 283 00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:36,158 We have nothing in common, and we can never be friends. 284 00:11:36,191 --> 00:11:37,460 (gasps) 285 00:11:41,703 --> 00:11:43,507 - (munching) - Lisa... 286 00:11:43,574 --> 00:11:45,644 Uh, Jules, slow down. 287 00:11:45,711 --> 00:11:47,582 There's plenty of ice cream. 288 00:11:47,682 --> 00:11:49,151 No way. 289 00:11:49,218 --> 00:11:51,856 Bart always eats all the Mint Choco Smash. 290 00:11:51,923 --> 00:11:54,161 (munching): And I... 291 00:11:54,294 --> 00:11:56,398 don't get any. 292 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,537 Now I'm gonna finish it. 293 00:11:58,570 --> 00:12:00,273 (munching) 294 00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:03,312 Oh, my gosh, it's time for my only-child beat poetry. 295 00:12:03,379 --> 00:12:05,483 Okay, Mom, you're on bongos. 296 00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:07,788 Dad, you snap. 297 00:12:09,191 --> 00:12:10,995 A room to myself. 298 00:12:11,095 --> 00:12:13,767 becomes a womb to my self. 299 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:17,742 A solitary tree in this only-child family. 300 00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:20,179 Not lonely, but singular. 301 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,616 Ya dig? 302 00:12:21,716 --> 00:12:24,087 (laughs) Okay, okay, okay, next activity! 303 00:12:24,187 --> 00:12:26,826 Hey, we didn't get to do my poem. 304 00:12:26,893 --> 00:12:28,029 (Marge sighs) 305 00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:30,066 There's no time! (munching) 306 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:33,105 We still have Daddy-daughter piggyback ride. 307 00:12:33,172 --> 00:12:34,642 Giddyap! 308 00:12:34,709 --> 00:12:36,546 Oh, this is great! It's so great! 309 00:12:36,613 --> 00:12:39,251 I'm finally an only child. 310 00:12:39,351 --> 00:12:41,288 Faster, faster! 311 00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:43,392 (retching) 312 00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:48,436 Jules doesn't feel so good. 313 00:12:48,503 --> 00:12:50,206 I'm sorry. 314 00:12:50,273 --> 00:12:51,375 That's okay, sweetie. 315 00:12:51,442 --> 00:12:54,616 All my best nights end with throwing up, too. 316 00:12:54,749 --> 00:12:56,953 (both snoring) 317 00:13:00,259 --> 00:13:01,128 (both screaming) 318 00:13:01,195 --> 00:13:03,634 (monstrous voice): Where be our goat? 319 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,370 (both scream) 320 00:13:05,504 --> 00:13:07,007 But we don't have the goat. 321 00:13:07,073 --> 00:13:09,044 The other losers have it. 322 00:13:09,144 --> 00:13:11,650 Banish them to the dungeon. 323 00:13:11,716 --> 00:13:13,386 (both thud) 324 00:13:13,452 --> 00:13:15,023 (door creaks closed) 325 00:13:15,123 --> 00:13:17,895 - (pounding on door) - NELSON: Let us out! 326 00:13:17,995 --> 00:13:21,035 DOLPH: There's old lawn chairs down here! 327 00:13:22,003 --> 00:13:24,007 So... what time tomorrow 328 00:13:24,074 --> 00:13:25,944 do you think we'll make it to the rock, buddy? 329 00:13:26,045 --> 00:13:27,414 I'm not your buddy. 330 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:28,784 I don't have any buddies. 331 00:13:28,917 --> 00:13:30,888 (sighs) Well, you could. 332 00:13:30,954 --> 00:13:33,560 Just pretend to like stuff regular kids like. 333 00:13:33,627 --> 00:13:36,065 Dial down the dork a little bit. 334 00:13:36,098 --> 00:13:37,601 You think it's that easy? 335 00:13:37,702 --> 00:13:39,104 You don't know the hell I'm living in! 336 00:13:39,171 --> 00:13:41,041 My parents have me in a pressure cooker! 337 00:13:41,141 --> 00:13:42,978 Classical Greek club, waltzing lessons. 338 00:13:43,045 --> 00:13:44,816 I'm going to explode. 339 00:13:44,882 --> 00:13:47,688 And I have problems, Bart-- scary problems! 340 00:13:47,755 --> 00:13:49,625 I see two therapists! 341 00:13:49,692 --> 00:13:51,428 They email each other about me. 342 00:13:51,495 --> 00:13:54,535 And I'm on drugs-- Focusyn to help me focus, 343 00:13:54,602 --> 00:13:56,673 Somnicrank to help me sleep! 344 00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:58,342 I hope you take those with food. 345 00:13:58,442 --> 00:14:01,448 And don't forget Intriginol to lift my spirts. 346 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,553 Because they're low, Bart. 347 00:14:03,587 --> 00:14:05,691 Ever so low. 348 00:14:05,791 --> 00:14:08,095 Dude, you're freaking us out! 349 00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:10,734 And I didn't volunteer for this juvie-jaunt. 350 00:14:10,834 --> 00:14:13,072 Like you, I was sentenced to it. 351 00:14:13,139 --> 00:14:16,178 Because of what I did. 352 00:14:18,082 --> 00:14:19,084 - (siren wailing) - I broke into that pharmacy 353 00:14:19,151 --> 00:14:21,121 to steal more drugs, 354 00:14:21,221 --> 00:14:23,894 because I still wasn't focused enough to please my parents. 355 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,866 Never enough focus for Gareth and Gloria. 356 00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:29,438 Whoa, you may not be cool, 357 00:14:29,505 --> 00:14:32,410 but you're psycho, and that makes you kind of awesome. 358 00:14:32,511 --> 00:14:34,949 Your words of praise are but honey drizzled 359 00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:37,287 - on bitter greens! - Huh? 360 00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:39,759 You're only nice to me when no one's around. 361 00:14:39,826 --> 00:14:41,763 Which makes you worse than a bully. 362 00:14:41,830 --> 00:14:44,602 It makes you a coward and a conformist. 363 00:14:44,702 --> 00:14:47,173 You're not a rebel or a bad boy. 364 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,510 (laughs) 365 00:14:48,577 --> 00:14:50,914 You're nothing but a follower. 366 00:14:51,014 --> 00:14:53,319 Come on, Axel, let's go. 367 00:14:53,385 --> 00:14:56,391 Axel, no, you can't choose him over me. 368 00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:00,534 (bleats) 369 00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:01,803 Mm... 370 00:15:01,903 --> 00:15:04,074 (groans) 371 00:15:09,418 --> 00:15:11,623 - (bleats) - Axel! 372 00:15:11,689 --> 00:15:12,992 I knew you'd come back for me. 373 00:15:13,092 --> 00:15:15,697 Oh, I love you too, goat, 374 00:15:15,764 --> 00:15:18,469 with your wet slimy kisses. 375 00:15:18,537 --> 00:15:20,006 (screams) Ew, slugs! 376 00:15:20,139 --> 00:15:22,410 Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! 377 00:15:22,511 --> 00:15:24,749 Hmm. Oh, right. 378 00:15:24,816 --> 00:15:26,786 I've been ditched, I'm lost, 379 00:15:26,886 --> 00:15:29,692 and the only people looking for me are... 380 00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:31,529 Satanists. 381 00:15:31,629 --> 00:15:33,834 (grunting) Let us out! 382 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:36,171 We'll do Satan stuff for you! 383 00:15:36,271 --> 00:15:39,377 Like grow pointy beards or draw them on with eyeliner! 384 00:15:39,478 --> 00:15:41,883 I ask you a final time. 385 00:15:41,950 --> 00:15:44,589 Where is our sacrifice? 386 00:15:44,655 --> 00:15:47,494 We told you, we don't know where the goat is. 387 00:15:47,595 --> 00:15:50,233 Then prepare to die! 388 00:15:51,736 --> 00:15:53,372 How? 389 00:15:53,439 --> 00:15:55,611 (both grunt) 390 00:15:56,813 --> 00:15:58,750 (yawns) 391 00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:01,355 What time is it? What happened? 392 00:16:01,455 --> 00:16:04,161 Oh, sweetie, you got a little overexcited 393 00:16:04,227 --> 00:16:06,733 and barfed yourself to sleep. 394 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,037 Wait, I spent all night sleeping in bed 395 00:16:09,104 --> 00:16:12,277 between Mom and Dad, center spoon? 396 00:16:12,343 --> 00:16:15,684 It doesn't get more "only child" than that. 397 00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:18,924 Wait, there's still time for us to do "a gender-blind production 398 00:16:18,990 --> 00:16:21,830 of The Crucible," whatever those words mean. 399 00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:23,867 Meh, that's kind of a Jules thing. 400 00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:26,305 Right now, I'd kind of rather just stay in bed 401 00:16:26,405 --> 00:16:27,975 and be a Lisa. 402 00:16:28,042 --> 00:16:29,912 ALL THREE: Mm. 403 00:16:29,979 --> 00:16:32,183 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 404 00:16:42,805 --> 00:16:44,441 I don't need that stupid Martin. 405 00:16:44,474 --> 00:16:46,311 I can make it to Ankle Rock on my own. 406 00:16:46,378 --> 00:16:48,617 Compass, which way do I go? 407 00:16:48,683 --> 00:16:50,319 Compass? (groans) 408 00:16:50,386 --> 00:16:52,457 Must not be getting a signal. 409 00:16:52,525 --> 00:16:53,527 (glass shatters) 410 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,964 Ew, it's poop. 411 00:16:56,031 --> 00:16:58,202 Nuclear orange poop... (gasps) 412 00:16:58,235 --> 00:17:00,707 Just like those Cheezee Thingz Axel ate. 413 00:17:00,807 --> 00:17:03,547 This is goat poop. 414 00:17:05,116 --> 00:17:07,420 (Celtic heavy metal music playing) 415 00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:13,332 (gasps) 416 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,906 Martin. Martin! Oh, my God. 417 00:17:16,973 --> 00:17:18,777 - He's dead! - (Martin moaning) 418 00:17:18,843 --> 00:17:21,114 Oh, you're alive! 419 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,987 - Man, you're a heavy sleeper. - (yawns) 420 00:17:24,087 --> 00:17:26,559 That would be the Somnicrank. 421 00:17:26,659 --> 00:17:30,299 Listen man, that stuff you said to me, you were right. 422 00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:32,303 I shouldn't care what those bullies think of me. 423 00:17:32,370 --> 00:17:34,775 Well, I'm glad you've learned that their approval 424 00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:37,648 - is meaningless. - NELSON: Help! 425 00:17:37,748 --> 00:17:40,587 Satanists are gonna kill us! 426 00:17:40,721 --> 00:17:43,192 Oh, my God, I've got to save those bullies. 427 00:17:43,292 --> 00:17:44,996 Then they'll think I'm awesome. 428 00:17:45,062 --> 00:17:47,500 No, then they'll think we're awesome. 429 00:17:52,711 --> 00:17:54,414 (shouting) 430 00:17:55,817 --> 00:17:57,688 Cut! 431 00:17:57,755 --> 00:18:01,663 You can turn off the voice-changing app, Madison. 432 00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:03,700 Huh? Huh? 433 00:18:03,767 --> 00:18:06,238 (normal voice): Those little kids ruined the shot. 434 00:18:06,338 --> 00:18:09,210 Wait? This is just a movie? 435 00:18:09,277 --> 00:18:11,114 They're not Satanists, they're... 436 00:18:11,214 --> 00:18:13,687 (shudders) ...film students. 437 00:18:13,787 --> 00:18:15,991 (laughs) The only thing worse 438 00:18:16,091 --> 00:18:18,195 than nerds are film nerds. 439 00:18:18,262 --> 00:18:20,166 My cousin went to film school. 440 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,538 And now he walks dogs for a living. 441 00:18:22,638 --> 00:18:24,274 (groans) Stupid kids! 442 00:18:24,341 --> 00:18:26,144 Now we'll never get into Splatter Fest. 443 00:18:26,178 --> 00:18:28,115 Let alone win the Palme D'gore! 444 00:18:28,182 --> 00:18:30,152 (grunting) 445 00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:33,960 (both shouting) 446 00:18:34,027 --> 00:18:35,363 You knocked the blade off its track! 447 00:18:35,496 --> 00:18:38,637 Those little dudes are gonna get sacrificed for real. 448 00:18:39,505 --> 00:18:41,576 Now we're getting the performance. 449 00:18:41,643 --> 00:18:43,278 That's the fear. 450 00:18:44,247 --> 00:18:45,984 Oh, that crazy blade's going everywhere. 451 00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:48,022 What do we do? 452 00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:49,959 Hmm. (gasps) 453 00:18:50,059 --> 00:18:52,665 MARTIN: The movements of the pendulum may seem random, 454 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:55,236 but it actually swings in the exact pattern 455 00:18:55,303 --> 00:18:57,173 of Strauss' "Blue Danube." 456 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,477 Bart, waltz with me. 457 00:19:02,116 --> 00:19:04,321 (humming Strauss' "Blue Danube") 458 00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:16,178 It's okay, it's okay, we can make this work. 459 00:19:16,244 --> 00:19:18,616 We can just add the kid corpses in post. 460 00:19:18,683 --> 00:19:19,952 (grunting) 461 00:19:19,985 --> 00:19:21,121 - MADISON: Oh, God, no! - (burps) 462 00:19:21,221 --> 00:19:23,425 Our entire film was on that! 463 00:19:23,526 --> 00:19:27,033 My footage, my beautiful faked found footage! 464 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,204 (sobbing) 465 00:19:29,270 --> 00:19:32,811 I can't go back to selling essential oils on Facebook. 466 00:19:32,878 --> 00:19:35,617 No one knows what they are. 467 00:19:35,684 --> 00:19:37,621 ALL FOUR: Haw-haw! 468 00:19:37,721 --> 00:19:39,725 Baa-baa! 469 00:19:41,495 --> 00:19:43,232 So then the po-po showed up 470 00:19:43,298 --> 00:19:45,169 and hauled me away. 471 00:19:45,269 --> 00:19:46,739 I hate the po-po! 472 00:19:46,873 --> 00:19:48,308 Prince, you're a certified 473 00:19:48,409 --> 00:19:50,614 pre-owned bad-ass. 474 00:19:51,582 --> 00:19:52,450 Hmm. 475 00:19:56,391 --> 00:19:58,663 I was sure you'd get lost 476 00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:01,301 and eat the wee fat one, but you made it. 477 00:20:01,435 --> 00:20:04,107 And that earns you the greatest of all treasures. 478 00:20:04,174 --> 00:20:06,144 And it's right behind you. 479 00:20:06,278 --> 00:20:09,250 It's the land you traversed, 480 00:20:09,317 --> 00:20:11,421 the journey you made, 481 00:20:11,488 --> 00:20:14,094 and the character you built. 482 00:20:14,194 --> 00:20:16,431 Are you freaking kidding me? 483 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:19,104 That's not treasure, that's garbage. 484 00:20:19,204 --> 00:20:21,141 Nature is garbage. 485 00:20:21,208 --> 00:20:23,445 (grunting) 486 00:20:24,582 --> 00:20:27,487 Step away from those bad kids, Martin. 487 00:20:27,588 --> 00:20:29,491 You'll be late for your violin lesson. 488 00:20:29,592 --> 00:20:31,829 By the way, you play that now. 489 00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:35,035 Yeah, they are bad kids. 490 00:20:35,102 --> 00:20:36,304 Just like me. 491 00:20:36,405 --> 00:20:39,010 And bad kids ride in the van. 492 00:20:39,043 --> 00:20:41,749 If it makes you nervous, take a pill. 493 00:20:41,816 --> 00:20:43,853 (boys laughing) 494 00:20:45,690 --> 00:20:46,191 (Martin grunts) 495 00:20:46,324 --> 00:20:48,429 (bleating) 496 00:20:48,563 --> 00:20:50,567 ♪ ♪ 497 00:21:04,093 --> 00:21:06,398 Maggie, honey, play nice with the kitty. 498 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,603 I just have to... (shouting) 499 00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:10,874 Oh, aah, the cat! (screaming) 500 00:21:10,941 --> 00:21:12,978 - Oh, my God, aah! - Bart, Bart, you come back here. 501 00:21:13,078 --> 00:21:15,750 - (yowling) - (sobbing): Ow! - Bart! 502 00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,220 - MARGE: Almost gotcha. - (chuckles) 503 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:18,455 - (Snowball II yowling) - HOMER: Oh, come back here! 504 00:21:18,590 --> 00:21:20,059 - Oh! Let go! Ow! - BART: Yum. 505 00:21:20,126 --> 00:21:21,629 MARGE: I'm gonna send you back 506 00:21:21,696 --> 00:21:22,598 to Willie if you don't stop this. 507 00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,635 - (Bart chuckles) - MARGE: You stop right now. 508 00:21:24,735 --> 00:21:26,371 - HOMER: Why is no one helping me?! - MARGE: Give me that 509 00:21:26,438 --> 00:21:27,473 tub of ice cream. 510 00:21:27,541 --> 00:21:28,910 HOMER: Does anybody even see this?! 511 00:21:28,943 --> 00:21:30,079 (yelling) 512 00:21:30,179 --> 00:21:31,582 Ah...! 513 00:21:31,682 --> 00:21:34,020 (Homer sobbing) 514 00:21:34,087 --> 00:21:35,690 Ow! Oh, let go! 515 00:21:35,757 --> 00:21:38,362 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 516 00:21:38,428 --> 00:21:41,836 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 517 00:21:41,903 --> 00:21:43,205 Shh! 518 00:21:43,272 --> 00:21:46,178 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 519 00:21:46,244 --> 00:21:48,750 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org