1 00:00:06,514 --> 00:00:07,181 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:07,314 --> 00:00:08,584 (grunting) 3 00:00:08,684 --> 00:00:09,620 Ah-ha! 4 00:00:09,686 --> 00:00:11,322 (burps) 5 00:00:11,389 --> 00:00:13,426 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:19,205 --> 00:00:22,444 ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Million Dollar Listing: Springfield. 7 00:00:22,512 --> 00:00:23,881 ♪ Fabulous ♪ 8 00:00:23,948 --> 00:00:25,350 ♪ Fa-fabulous ♪ 9 00:00:25,450 --> 00:00:27,187 ♪ Fabulous ♪ 10 00:00:27,254 --> 00:00:29,693 ♪ Fa-fabulous ♪ 11 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:30,762 ♪ Fabulous ♪ 12 00:00:30,828 --> 00:00:32,164 ♪ Fa-fa-fabulous. ♪ 13 00:00:32,264 --> 00:00:34,235 ANNOUNCER: We once again have only 14 00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:36,139 one house in this whole town 15 00:00:36,239 --> 00:00:37,542 worth a million dollars. 16 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:39,445 I keep telling you, I don't want to sell. 17 00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:41,550 This area has a great school system 18 00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:44,488 and I'm thinking of starting a family. 19 00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:47,729 My children, fight each other to the death for my love. 20 00:00:47,796 --> 00:00:49,098 (Burns chuckling) 21 00:00:49,165 --> 00:00:50,300 - (chainsaw revs) - (thuds) 22 00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:51,770 I'm here in the sculpture garden, 23 00:00:51,870 --> 00:00:53,641 and we can't keep the buyers away. 24 00:00:53,708 --> 00:00:56,580 Maybe it's the fresh-baked morphine cookies. 25 00:00:56,714 --> 00:00:59,620 (zombie-like voices): Open concept dungeon, 26 00:00:59,686 --> 00:01:01,322 four panic rooms, 27 00:01:01,422 --> 00:01:04,161 hot and cold running oxygen. 28 00:01:04,228 --> 00:01:07,067 (laughs) Good old reality TV. 29 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,673 Snappy editing, no content. 30 00:01:09,773 --> 00:01:10,942 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:11,009 --> 00:01:12,646 ANNOUNCER: Homer. 32 00:01:13,915 --> 00:01:15,183 ♪ ♪ 33 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,254 ANNOUNCER: Marge. 34 00:01:17,354 --> 00:01:19,091 (grunts) 35 00:01:20,895 --> 00:01:23,668 - (creaking) - (grunts) 36 00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:25,738 What the...? 37 00:01:25,838 --> 00:01:29,412 I'm hosting book club tonight, and I was thinking, 38 00:01:29,478 --> 00:01:32,084 maybe you'd like to go to Moe's until we're done. 39 00:01:32,151 --> 00:01:33,654 You want me to go to Moe's? 40 00:01:33,721 --> 00:01:34,690 I do. 41 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,092 (whoops) How drunk can I get? 42 00:01:36,159 --> 00:01:37,662 Stinking or falling down? 43 00:01:37,729 --> 00:01:39,365 Uh, how about "sociable"? 44 00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:41,670 What I'm hearing is wedding drunk. 45 00:01:41,770 --> 00:01:43,808 Wedding drunk, cash bar. 46 00:01:43,874 --> 00:01:45,177 - Fine. - (grunts) 47 00:01:45,243 --> 00:01:47,649 So, who liked the book? 48 00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:52,424 Not me. It was a farewell to my Saturday. 49 00:01:52,525 --> 00:01:53,561 Aw. 50 00:01:53,694 --> 00:01:55,531 Hemingway is so clichéd. 51 00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:58,537 This book about Italian ambulance drivers was... 52 00:01:58,638 --> 00:02:01,710 (imitating siren): ...boring, boring, boring. 53 00:02:01,777 --> 00:02:05,150 There wasn't enough smoking in it for me. 54 00:02:05,952 --> 00:02:07,254 May I speak mah piece? 55 00:02:07,321 --> 00:02:09,225 What's your problem, Daisy May? 56 00:02:09,291 --> 00:02:11,664 Couldn't make it through the audiobook? 57 00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:13,233 (laughs sarcastically) 58 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,972 Well, ah thinks it's a classic of style 59 00:02:16,039 --> 00:02:19,412 that's more than a war story and more than a love story. 60 00:02:19,478 --> 00:02:21,583 With deceptively simple prose 61 00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:24,690 as lean and sturdy as a half-ton marlin. 62 00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:28,229 I-I mean... 63 00:02:28,330 --> 00:02:32,137 my eyes was bewitchefied with all them squiggels and squirms. 64 00:02:32,237 --> 00:02:33,741 (chuckles weakly) 65 00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:35,678 Well... I-I best git. 66 00:02:35,745 --> 00:02:38,450 (chuckles) I left all my kids with a nanny. 67 00:02:43,527 --> 00:02:44,495 (bleats) 68 00:02:44,563 --> 00:02:46,165 BRANDINE: You free Saturday? 69 00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:49,873 Then, the hillbilly woman made a comment 70 00:02:49,973 --> 00:02:51,910 that was profound and insightful. 71 00:02:51,977 --> 00:02:53,380 She's secretly smart. 72 00:02:53,446 --> 00:02:57,421 Uh, Helen, please do not gossip in church. 73 00:02:59,826 --> 00:03:02,297 Did you hear about Brandine? 74 00:03:02,364 --> 00:03:05,170 Well, it would be nice to hear something other than 75 00:03:05,237 --> 00:03:07,474 "Let me go, I have a family." 76 00:03:07,542 --> 00:03:09,211 Well, I tried "you're under arrest," 77 00:03:09,278 --> 00:03:10,681 but you just laughed. 78 00:03:10,782 --> 00:03:12,986 We got some nice wigglers. 79 00:03:13,053 --> 00:03:15,357 They pair well with a hook. 80 00:03:15,424 --> 00:03:19,198 Mm, I'll take a box of Napa Valley reds. 81 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:20,868 Hey, Spuckler. 82 00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:22,605 I just want to warn you. 83 00:03:22,706 --> 00:03:25,712 Your wife isn't the woman you think she is. 84 00:03:25,778 --> 00:03:27,448 Just what does you mean? 85 00:03:27,549 --> 00:03:30,253 She's smart. Jeopardy smart. 86 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:31,890 Celebrity Jeopardy!? 87 00:03:31,990 --> 00:03:33,828 Regular Jeopardy. 88 00:03:33,894 --> 00:03:35,565 Ahh! 89 00:03:35,665 --> 00:03:38,403 You do not tell a man he don't know his wife. 90 00:03:38,436 --> 00:03:40,641 That's like telling a man his gun's not loaded. 91 00:03:40,708 --> 00:03:44,649 You let him find that out at the worst possible time. 92 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:45,985 Well, you should know. 93 00:03:46,052 --> 00:03:49,693 When your wife left the book club, she dropped this. 94 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,830 (banjo plucks opening to Beethoven's Symphony No. 5) 95 00:03:51,930 --> 00:03:55,738 (gasps) Liberry has two R's? 96 00:03:55,838 --> 00:03:58,878 - Your bait, sir. - You just keep your worms. 97 00:03:58,944 --> 00:04:01,517 I gots me bigger fish to fry. 98 00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:03,554 Go on, git. 99 00:04:03,654 --> 00:04:04,923 (sniffles) 100 00:04:04,956 --> 00:04:07,796 What a senseless waste of worms. 101 00:04:08,798 --> 00:04:11,335 Men receiving credit for women's work in science 102 00:04:11,402 --> 00:04:13,641 has been dubbed "The Matilda Effect," 103 00:04:13,741 --> 00:04:16,279 with such victims as Lise Meitner, 104 00:04:16,379 --> 00:04:19,953 Rosalind Franklin, and Jocelyn Bell Burnell. 105 00:04:20,053 --> 00:04:23,126 How many pumpkin stickers will it take for you to stop? 106 00:04:23,226 --> 00:04:24,830 Here, have the whole sheet. 107 00:04:24,896 --> 00:04:26,332 This is really important. 108 00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:28,269 Each of these heroines was nonplussed 109 00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:30,140 at their lack of recognition and... 110 00:04:30,207 --> 00:04:31,375 Sorry, Lisa. 111 00:04:31,476 --> 00:04:33,881 I don't think you're using that word correctly. 112 00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:35,918 Nonplussed? Ha. 113 00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,421 I'm pretty sure I am. 114 00:04:37,522 --> 00:04:40,595 It means perplexed. 115 00:04:40,728 --> 00:04:42,699 (mutters softly) 116 00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:43,767 (grunts) 117 00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:44,669 It does. 118 00:04:44,769 --> 00:04:46,907 As in, "The teacher was nonplussed 119 00:04:46,974 --> 00:04:48,677 by the impudence of a student." 120 00:04:48,744 --> 00:04:51,550 When I grow up, I want to be a big word. 121 00:04:51,617 --> 00:04:54,321 Lisa, you get in the back of the class and keep quiet. 122 00:04:54,421 --> 00:04:55,558 Do I get an "A"? 123 00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,795 An "A" for "aggravation." 124 00:04:57,862 --> 00:05:00,100 (whoops) An A's an A! 125 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:01,837 (grunts) 126 00:05:04,576 --> 00:05:06,814 ♪ ♪ 127 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,084 Cletus, darling, 128 00:05:09,151 --> 00:05:10,453 I-I made your favorite. 129 00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:14,028 Sorry, but I'm in no mood for porcu-pie right now. 130 00:05:14,094 --> 00:05:15,998 Brandine, tell me true. 131 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,836 Are you actually smart? 132 00:05:17,936 --> 00:05:21,910 Have all your yups just being yeses in disguise? 133 00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:24,181 Aw, don't be silly. (chuckles) 134 00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:26,185 Why? The only three R's I know 135 00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:29,024 are racoons, Red Bull and the rhythm method. 136 00:05:31,429 --> 00:05:33,968 Please, I needs to know. 137 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,840 Brandine, who is you? 138 00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:38,409 (sighs) 139 00:05:39,679 --> 00:05:42,986 Darling, I'm afraid I'm guilty of concealing 140 00:05:43,086 --> 00:05:45,691 a significant self-improvement. 141 00:05:45,758 --> 00:05:47,060 Guh-wha? 142 00:05:47,127 --> 00:05:50,267 It started a few years back with some books I read 143 00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,304 that fell off a passing tornado. 144 00:05:52,404 --> 00:05:54,041 (cow lowing) 145 00:05:54,108 --> 00:05:58,517 It was like entering a universe I never knew existed. 146 00:05:58,617 --> 00:05:59,753 I went to the ballet. 147 00:05:59,853 --> 00:06:02,090 ("Swan Lake Theme" by Tchaikovsky playing) 148 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,336 And I completed my self-education 149 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,273 at the Springfield Athenaeum. 150 00:06:10,373 --> 00:06:12,344 - The what? - Athenaeum. 151 00:06:12,444 --> 00:06:14,114 - The what? - Museum. 152 00:06:14,181 --> 00:06:16,485 - The what? - Pica-ture palace. 153 00:06:16,587 --> 00:06:18,657 Got it. Oh, good lordy. 154 00:06:18,724 --> 00:06:21,329 I'm starting to worry there's more layers to you 155 00:06:21,395 --> 00:06:23,534 than a skunk and tomater sandwich. 156 00:06:23,601 --> 00:06:24,736 Brandine, I'm sorry. 157 00:06:24,836 --> 00:06:27,842 But I-I can't have a stranger as my woman. 158 00:06:27,942 --> 00:06:29,078 Remember your vow. 159 00:06:29,178 --> 00:06:33,486 You promised to love, honor, and never grow in any way. 160 00:06:33,587 --> 00:06:35,323 Well, you're right about that. 161 00:06:35,390 --> 00:06:36,994 (sobs) I'll leave now, 162 00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:39,365 but I'll be back for most of the children. 163 00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:40,735 That's fair enough. 164 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,172 All right, which ones of y'all want to stay with me? 165 00:06:43,306 --> 00:06:47,080 And remember, you go with her-- you gots to wash your hands. 166 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:49,151 Whoa, you mean like every week? 167 00:06:49,218 --> 00:06:50,521 - Sorry, Ma. - Can't do it. 168 00:06:50,621 --> 00:06:52,291 Say bye-bye to your mama. 169 00:06:52,391 --> 00:06:56,332 Or would you prefer a "bon voyage"? 170 00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:57,835 Cletus Delroy Spuckler, 171 00:06:57,902 --> 00:07:01,208 you are lower than a gopher's basement. Goodbye. 172 00:07:01,275 --> 00:07:03,647 (sniffs) Young'uns, turn away 173 00:07:03,747 --> 00:07:06,052 if you don't want to see your daddy cry. 174 00:07:06,152 --> 00:07:07,522 We've seen you cry. 175 00:07:07,622 --> 00:07:10,226 But we've never seen you yodel. 176 00:07:10,293 --> 00:07:12,030 All right, then. 177 00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:15,036 (yodels sadly) 178 00:07:19,579 --> 00:07:21,550 - (doorbell rings) - Brandine! 179 00:07:21,683 --> 00:07:24,254 Are you here for further book club discussions? 180 00:07:24,355 --> 00:07:26,760 I'm here because I got nowhere else to go. 181 00:07:26,827 --> 00:07:28,496 I've been rejected by a man 182 00:07:28,564 --> 00:07:30,935 who thinks it's funny to light his farts. 183 00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:34,274 - You can light them? - No, Homer, no! 184 00:07:34,408 --> 00:07:35,711 BART: Hey, whoa! 185 00:07:35,778 --> 00:07:36,880 Wasn't me. 186 00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:39,118 (sighs) 187 00:07:39,184 --> 00:07:42,057 Ms. Spuckler? I brought some books you might like. 188 00:07:43,026 --> 00:07:44,361 You're a smart girl, Lisa. 189 00:07:44,395 --> 00:07:48,336 Which means life will be harder than a month-old biscuit. 190 00:07:48,436 --> 00:07:49,338 (exclaims happily) 191 00:07:49,438 --> 00:07:50,608 Oh... 192 00:07:52,010 --> 00:07:54,315 So, about Cletus, um... 193 00:07:54,381 --> 00:07:56,953 I just have to ask, sorry. 194 00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:59,926 - what do you see in him? - What do you mean? 195 00:07:59,993 --> 00:08:03,801 Don't you think maybe you could've done, um, better? 196 00:08:03,867 --> 00:08:07,307 You mean, like you could've done better than Homer? 197 00:08:07,407 --> 00:08:09,646 What? What? 198 00:08:09,779 --> 00:08:10,915 What? 199 00:08:10,981 --> 00:08:13,954 People think I could've done better than Homer? 200 00:08:14,021 --> 00:08:15,691 ALL (loudly): Yes. 201 00:08:16,292 --> 00:08:17,895 (Marge gasps) 202 00:08:17,929 --> 00:08:18,931 (gasps loudly) 203 00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:22,037 I never knew anyone felt that way. 204 00:08:22,137 --> 00:08:23,841 Reality check in aisle five. 205 00:08:23,941 --> 00:08:26,713 Disco Stu needs to buy some glue. 206 00:08:26,813 --> 00:08:29,686 Also, Marge, please get a clue. 207 00:08:30,588 --> 00:08:32,592 Enough. Enough. 208 00:08:32,692 --> 00:08:34,696 I'll tell you how I fell for Cletus. 209 00:08:34,763 --> 00:08:36,733 It was one of those magical nights 210 00:08:36,867 --> 00:08:40,306 when the world was young and everything was golden, 211 00:08:40,373 --> 00:08:41,777 including his tooth. 212 00:08:41,843 --> 00:08:44,014 ("Winter" by Vivaldi playing) 213 00:08:44,081 --> 00:08:46,352 We were seated at the same hay bale 214 00:08:46,452 --> 00:08:49,425 at my sister's shotgun wedding. 215 00:08:49,491 --> 00:08:52,665 - Um, is this bale six? - It is. 216 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:55,470 Do you ever look at someone across a crowded pasture 217 00:08:55,538 --> 00:08:57,207 and your knees went all weak? 218 00:08:57,307 --> 00:09:00,514 Not from rickets or scurvy, but from sheer infatuation? 219 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:04,421 Oh, I ransacked my brain for le mot juste, 220 00:09:04,522 --> 00:09:06,092 but all I could find was... 221 00:09:06,225 --> 00:09:07,260 Derr. 222 00:09:07,327 --> 00:09:09,398 Derr yourself. 223 00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:10,634 BRANDINE: In that moment, 224 00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:13,172 twenty years of being the middle child 225 00:09:13,272 --> 00:09:14,776 in a family of 37 226 00:09:14,876 --> 00:09:18,416 fell away like high-heeled shoes on a wedding night. 227 00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:21,523 Uh, you know, I'm pretty sure we's cousins. 228 00:09:21,623 --> 00:09:24,261 Second? First? 229 00:09:24,361 --> 00:09:25,765 Kissing. 230 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,033 Aww. 231 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,171 ♪ ♪ 232 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,051 You ever driven a tractor before? 233 00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:37,522 No, sir. 234 00:09:37,588 --> 00:09:39,592 These blades massage the soil 235 00:09:39,692 --> 00:09:43,132 to make it ready for what is sure to follow. 236 00:09:43,199 --> 00:09:44,803 Churn that soil. 237 00:09:44,903 --> 00:09:47,407 Churning. Always a-churning. 238 00:09:47,474 --> 00:09:52,618 Until you just plant that seed in there real deep. (whoops) 239 00:09:52,685 --> 00:09:54,756 You do this with all your dates? 240 00:09:54,823 --> 00:09:58,329 Now, if I did, don't you think this field would be plowed? 241 00:09:58,396 --> 00:10:01,202 This is just for you, darling. 242 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,605 Mmm. (giggles) 243 00:10:02,672 --> 00:10:05,043 You're ruining my marijuana! 244 00:10:05,076 --> 00:10:09,184 BRANDINE: That night, I knew the next shotgun wedding I went to 245 00:10:09,284 --> 00:10:11,222 was gonna be mine. 246 00:10:11,288 --> 00:10:13,092 ALL: Aww. 247 00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:15,163 ♪ ♪ 248 00:10:21,610 --> 00:10:25,083 Oh, look who it is, Little Miss Google Noodle. 249 00:10:25,183 --> 00:10:25,985 This isn't fair. 250 00:10:26,118 --> 00:10:28,356 There's four times as many of you. 251 00:10:28,456 --> 00:10:31,495 She's trying to teach us to multiply. 252 00:10:31,596 --> 00:10:32,497 Get her! 253 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,769 ♪ ♪ 254 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:51,302 MYLES: Yoink. 255 00:10:52,738 --> 00:10:54,509 LISA: Hello? What is this? 256 00:10:54,642 --> 00:10:56,478 Fight over who beats me up first? 257 00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:58,584 BOY: Someone's nonplussed. 258 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:00,688 (gasps) Correct usage. 259 00:11:00,788 --> 00:11:01,823 Are you a real kid 260 00:11:01,890 --> 00:11:04,328 or did the voice in my head come to life? 261 00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:06,465 Lisa Simpson, 262 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,202 I'd like to modestly ask you 263 00:11:08,269 --> 00:11:11,041 to join our League of Extraordinary Geniuses. 264 00:11:11,141 --> 00:11:14,348 (Piano Sonata No. 14 by Beethoven playing) 265 00:11:20,728 --> 00:11:22,230 A club for smart kids? 266 00:11:22,297 --> 00:11:25,771 But I've never noticed any other names on the online honor roll. 267 00:11:25,838 --> 00:11:27,374 And I refresh it hourly. 268 00:11:27,474 --> 00:11:29,712 We hide in the shadows. 269 00:11:29,812 --> 00:11:33,419 Which is scary, so we bring little flashlights. 270 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,223 Eh, just you, Myles. 271 00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:36,325 Ah! 272 00:11:36,392 --> 00:11:37,895 MYLES: To avoid suspicion, 273 00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:40,701 we figured out how to be good at sports. 274 00:11:50,654 --> 00:11:52,658 TOBY: We don't wear our glasses, 275 00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:54,696 even though we really need them. 276 00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:59,137 Hold on. That food is not fit for students. 277 00:12:01,008 --> 00:12:04,147 Starve a landfill, feed a teacher. 278 00:12:04,949 --> 00:12:07,622 So you pretend to be dumb? 279 00:12:07,688 --> 00:12:09,559 Absolutely. To survive. 280 00:12:09,659 --> 00:12:12,932 Like a brightly-colored bug who is actually poison inside. 281 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:15,470 The Dasymutilla Occidentalis? 282 00:12:15,537 --> 00:12:17,274 Don't tell anyone you know that. 283 00:12:17,374 --> 00:12:19,913 If you do, the bullies will pounce on you like an... 284 00:12:19,946 --> 00:12:21,583 Arilus Cristatus? 285 00:12:21,683 --> 00:12:24,722 Arilus Cristatus? Who said that? 286 00:12:24,822 --> 00:12:26,258 - Ar... - Shh. Quiet. 287 00:12:26,358 --> 00:12:31,001 Name one more genus and species and you will be silenced. 288 00:12:31,970 --> 00:12:34,174 Engage the Idiot Shield. 289 00:12:34,274 --> 00:12:37,648 (on TV): Wheel. Of. Fortune. 290 00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,919 Wheel of Fortune's on. Let's get home. 291 00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:44,261 And that's how I realized 292 00:12:44,294 --> 00:12:47,033 wheelchair ramps are bitching skateboard jumps. 293 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,338 Thanks, Americans with Disabilities Act. 294 00:12:49,371 --> 00:12:50,641 (laughing) 295 00:12:50,741 --> 00:12:53,346 (sighs) I miss my rotten little apples. 296 00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:57,020 Especially the babies: Moderna, AstraZeneca, 297 00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:59,759 and the twins, Johnson & Johnson. 298 00:12:59,859 --> 00:13:01,195 Well, I just wanted to say, 299 00:13:01,261 --> 00:13:04,234 this is the best possum potpie I ever had. 300 00:13:04,334 --> 00:13:05,938 I know what you're thinking, Lisa. 301 00:13:06,005 --> 00:13:07,975 But if God didn't want us to eat possums, 302 00:13:08,042 --> 00:13:10,380 he wouldn't have made them look so delicious. 303 00:13:10,446 --> 00:13:13,386 I'm just thinking about a club I may join at school. 304 00:13:13,452 --> 00:13:15,524 This one recruited me. 305 00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:17,628 Aw, that's wonderful. 306 00:13:17,695 --> 00:13:20,400 And Maggie, how was your day? 307 00:13:21,703 --> 00:13:23,640 (crying) 308 00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:26,078 I feel so bad for Brandine. 309 00:13:26,178 --> 00:13:28,482 Homie, will you go talk to Cletus? 310 00:13:28,550 --> 00:13:30,587 For you, baby, anything. 311 00:13:30,654 --> 00:13:31,690 (clicks) 312 00:13:32,457 --> 00:13:35,496 Sorry. I didn't fix the light switch like you asked me to. 313 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,400 Well, maybe tomorrow? 314 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,471 For sure maybe. 315 00:13:39,539 --> 00:13:43,079 Homer, do you think people look at us and say, 316 00:13:43,179 --> 00:13:45,884 "Why does she stay with him?" 317 00:13:47,053 --> 00:13:48,055 Why does she stay with him? 318 00:13:48,122 --> 00:13:51,295 Lord, why does she stay with him? 319 00:13:51,428 --> 00:13:52,798 DUFFMAN: Oh, yeah! 320 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,836 Why does Mommy stay with... 321 00:13:54,936 --> 00:13:56,038 (muffled) 322 00:13:56,138 --> 00:13:58,209 Don't tell her you can talk. 323 00:13:58,275 --> 00:14:00,881 I don't think I could've done better, 324 00:14:00,948 --> 00:14:03,854 but it seems every other person in town thinks so. 325 00:14:03,954 --> 00:14:06,291 You're not going to listen to everybody, are you? 326 00:14:06,358 --> 00:14:07,695 No, I'm not. 327 00:14:07,795 --> 00:14:09,498 Just hang the blanket over the window 328 00:14:09,565 --> 00:14:10,868 so I can get to sleep. 329 00:14:10,968 --> 00:14:12,538 We don't have to do that anymore 330 00:14:12,638 --> 00:14:14,842 because I fixed the blinds. 331 00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:17,313 (thudding) 332 00:14:19,051 --> 00:14:21,088 Ooh, a shooting star. 333 00:14:21,155 --> 00:14:22,725 That's the water heater. 334 00:14:22,792 --> 00:14:23,760 (shrieks) 335 00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:25,496 Cletus, you and Brandine have 336 00:14:25,597 --> 00:14:26,966 to get back together. 337 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,970 Broken marriages are contagious. 338 00:14:29,071 --> 00:14:32,377 This is not about if'n or not I love Brandine. I do! 339 00:14:32,477 --> 00:14:35,450 But she refused to tell me who she was. 340 00:14:35,517 --> 00:14:38,990 Does she now think hill folk are a-a joke? 341 00:14:39,124 --> 00:14:41,061 Well, some of it's funny. 342 00:14:41,128 --> 00:14:43,834 I mean, that long underwear with the back door for the butt? 343 00:14:43,934 --> 00:14:45,571 When it flaps open... 344 00:14:45,671 --> 00:14:47,641 (cackling) 345 00:14:48,610 --> 00:14:51,014 I mean, come on. (laughing) 346 00:14:51,081 --> 00:14:53,085 You just follow me. 347 00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:55,456 - (Homer chuckles) - Aw, sheet. 348 00:14:56,726 --> 00:14:59,331 ♪ ♪ 349 00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:02,170 Brandine didn't just lie to me. 350 00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:04,040 What she done is made a mockery 351 00:15:04,107 --> 00:15:08,416 of my forebearers who possibly did include four bears. 352 00:15:08,482 --> 00:15:11,388 I want you to look at me not as a hick, or a bumpkin, 353 00:15:11,455 --> 00:15:13,727 but as a human being. With feelings. 354 00:15:13,794 --> 00:15:14,996 Just like you. 355 00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:19,237 Oh, my God. You're right. 356 00:15:19,371 --> 00:15:20,306 (grunts) 357 00:15:20,373 --> 00:15:22,143 I don't know how to feel right now. 358 00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:23,647 I'm worried about your marriage. 359 00:15:23,747 --> 00:15:25,551 I'm worried about my marriage. 360 00:15:25,617 --> 00:15:27,220 Homer, no matter how you feel, 361 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:30,961 there's a country song that expresses it perfectly. 362 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,936 No, that's not quite it. 363 00:15:36,906 --> 00:15:38,442 Here we go. 364 00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:44,254 - It's like they're singing just to me. - (country music playing) 365 00:15:44,321 --> 00:15:46,993 ♪ Marge could've done better ♪ 366 00:15:47,026 --> 00:15:50,233 ♪ Yes, she could, yes, she could ♪ 367 00:15:50,299 --> 00:15:53,038 ♪ She regrets the day you met her ♪ 368 00:15:53,139 --> 00:15:56,245 ♪ Yes, she does, yes, she does ♪ 369 00:15:56,345 --> 00:15:59,384 ♪ She just realized you're no good ♪ 370 00:15:59,484 --> 00:16:03,392 ♪ Yes, she did, what took so long? ♪ 371 00:16:03,492 --> 00:16:06,465 (sobbing): Oh, why is it so catchy? 372 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,235 (crying) 373 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:11,876 (singing along): ♪ She just realized you're no good ♪ 374 00:16:11,976 --> 00:16:15,216 ♪ Yes, she did, what took so long? ♪ 375 00:16:18,289 --> 00:16:20,661 (crying) 376 00:16:25,269 --> 00:16:27,273 ("Swan Lake Theme" by Tchaikovsky playing) 377 00:16:30,079 --> 00:16:31,014 Are you leaving? 378 00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:32,651 I'm going home. 379 00:16:32,718 --> 00:16:34,020 Marriages aren't perfect. 380 00:16:34,087 --> 00:16:38,162 I've even forgiven him for blowing a jug in his sleep. 381 00:16:38,262 --> 00:16:40,499 - (jug vibrating softly) - (groans) 382 00:16:41,936 --> 00:16:44,040 Well, that's great, because my new friends 383 00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:45,777 have given me the same tip. 384 00:16:45,844 --> 00:16:47,313 "Hide your intelligence." 385 00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:50,419 No, not you. You're too young. 386 00:16:50,486 --> 00:16:52,758 You have everything ahead of you. 387 00:16:52,825 --> 00:16:54,762 Show 'em how smart you are. 388 00:16:54,829 --> 00:16:56,298 - Really? - A-yup. 389 00:16:56,365 --> 00:16:59,137 You hear that, brain? You're free. 390 00:16:59,204 --> 00:17:01,174 Veni, vidi, vici! 391 00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:03,412 Whoa, slow down there, poindexter. 392 00:17:03,513 --> 00:17:05,751 ("Goodbye Time" by Conway Twitty playing) 393 00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:12,196 ♪ You say you need a change ♪ 394 00:17:16,138 --> 00:17:18,643 ♪ Don't all the dreams ♪ 395 00:17:18,743 --> 00:17:22,116 ♪ We've seen come true ♪ 396 00:17:23,687 --> 00:17:25,724 ♪ Mean anything? ♪ 397 00:17:29,732 --> 00:17:31,034 (indistinct chatter) 398 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,038 Attention. I have some announcements 399 00:17:33,105 --> 00:17:34,374 regarding the cafeteria menu. 400 00:17:34,441 --> 00:17:36,278 Several items are misspelled. 401 00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:38,315 "Gren beans" should be green beans. 402 00:17:38,415 --> 00:17:40,286 "Tater tats" are tater tots. 403 00:17:40,386 --> 00:17:41,956 "Healthy" should be not healthy. 404 00:17:42,056 --> 00:17:44,261 - Also... - (indistinct chatter) 405 00:17:44,327 --> 00:17:46,799 You have to listen. I'm wearing a necktie. 406 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:47,968 (chattering continues) 407 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:50,172 I am not bemused. 408 00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:53,279 Uh, excuse me, Principal Skinner? 409 00:17:53,345 --> 00:17:55,149 Uh, I just wanted to say 410 00:17:55,249 --> 00:17:57,922 that I think you meant you are not "amused"? 411 00:17:58,022 --> 00:17:59,825 "Bemused" means bewildered. 412 00:17:59,892 --> 00:18:01,094 What is she doing? 413 00:18:01,161 --> 00:18:03,900 Revealing her intellect. Oh, the fool. 414 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,508 This isn't a magnet school. We don't even own a magnet. 415 00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:10,479 (chuckles) That's because I swallowed it. 416 00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:12,450 (grunts) 417 00:18:12,518 --> 00:18:15,590 Never again will I hide my intelligence. 418 00:18:15,657 --> 00:18:18,362 I am smartacus. 419 00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:21,502 I am smartacus. 420 00:18:21,603 --> 00:18:24,474 Unsurprisingly, I also am smartacus. 421 00:18:24,609 --> 00:18:29,384 I am smartacus. Well, sort of smartacus. 422 00:18:29,451 --> 00:18:32,256 Well, perfect attendacus. 423 00:18:32,323 --> 00:18:34,194 Sitting downacus. 424 00:18:35,998 --> 00:18:37,534 SKINNER: It's time to squelch this wave 425 00:18:37,635 --> 00:18:38,737 of love of learning 426 00:18:38,837 --> 00:18:39,972 and show them who's boss. 427 00:18:40,072 --> 00:18:41,676 They are, loser. 428 00:18:41,743 --> 00:18:43,713 I declare half a day. 429 00:18:43,813 --> 00:18:45,449 Still too much. 430 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:47,086 Okay, no day. 431 00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:48,523 (cheering) 432 00:18:48,590 --> 00:18:50,994 Who wants their lunch money back? 433 00:18:51,128 --> 00:18:54,167 Not me. It's fish stick day. 434 00:18:55,403 --> 00:18:57,675 This is it, Brandine. Kill your brain. 435 00:18:57,775 --> 00:18:58,677 Take your medicine. 436 00:18:58,777 --> 00:19:00,547 ALL: Mama! 437 00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:02,150 Oh, hi, kids. 438 00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:05,189 (chuckles) Look at how some of you have grown. 439 00:19:05,222 --> 00:19:06,291 Where's your pap? 440 00:19:06,358 --> 00:19:08,329 He's been doing a lot of thinking. 441 00:19:08,395 --> 00:19:12,103 About you and him. Can't go on like it has. 442 00:19:12,170 --> 00:19:14,240 He said he's going to a govement building 443 00:19:14,307 --> 00:19:17,180 to get something so he can start a new life. 444 00:19:17,246 --> 00:19:19,150 No. I got to stop him. 445 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:20,587 - It's too late. - Wha...? 446 00:19:20,654 --> 00:19:21,823 Signed and sealed. 447 00:19:21,889 --> 00:19:25,564 I got me a liberry card. 448 00:19:25,630 --> 00:19:27,768 ♪ ♪ 449 00:19:29,237 --> 00:19:30,841 Oh, Cletus. 450 00:19:31,976 --> 00:19:33,580 And my first book. 451 00:19:34,615 --> 00:19:36,986 Yeah, man, this looks like a toughie. 452 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,592 We'll get through it together. 453 00:19:41,629 --> 00:19:44,602 - Homie? - Marge, never again will I be the guy 454 00:19:44,702 --> 00:19:47,373 about who people say, "Why is she still with him?" 455 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,179 I fixed the drapes. And the light switch. 456 00:19:50,279 --> 00:19:52,918 - (clicking) - Oh, nice. 457 00:19:53,018 --> 00:19:54,287 But you'll have to do more than that. 458 00:19:54,354 --> 00:19:58,028 I also cleaned the lint trap in the dryer. 459 00:19:58,128 --> 00:19:59,497 (meows) 460 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:00,667 And? 461 00:20:00,734 --> 00:20:01,869 Four things? 462 00:20:01,936 --> 00:20:03,338 Okay, Marge. I admit it. 463 00:20:03,439 --> 00:20:06,178 You could do better, but I couldn't. 464 00:20:06,311 --> 00:20:09,250 Every day you give me something awesome to shoot for. 465 00:20:09,317 --> 00:20:11,823 Though I may occasionally fall short, 466 00:20:11,889 --> 00:20:15,897 because you are so great, I will never stop trying. 467 00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,233 I love you, Marge. 468 00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:19,705 I love you, too. 469 00:20:21,709 --> 00:20:23,847 Finally, just in case I needed it. 470 00:20:23,913 --> 00:20:25,784 I got Elton John back. 471 00:20:25,884 --> 00:20:28,957 And he's here, ready to play for you again. 472 00:20:30,126 --> 00:20:33,432 Oh, Homie. I never needed that. 473 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:34,802 (kisses) 474 00:20:34,902 --> 00:20:38,676 You mean I learned 226 songs for nothing? 475 00:20:38,743 --> 00:20:41,682 I don't think they'll be needing you guys either. 476 00:20:41,749 --> 00:20:44,053 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 477 00:20:44,154 --> 00:20:45,857 (drumroll) 478 00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:51,769 ♪ ♪ 479 00:20:51,803 --> 00:20:53,205 I want to tell y'all 480 00:20:53,272 --> 00:20:54,809 about an American classic 481 00:20:54,875 --> 00:20:59,552 that details a wealthy lifestyle far beyond my reckoning. 482 00:20:59,618 --> 00:21:02,423 It's called The Grapes of Wrath. 483 00:21:02,490 --> 00:21:05,564 - It's about a middle- - American family what drives 484 00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:07,935 to California for a better life. 485 00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:10,540 For a much better treatment of this subject, 486 00:21:10,607 --> 00:21:14,615 I recommend National Lampoon's Vacation, 487 00:21:14,682 --> 00:21:17,888 now available on Hillbilly Plus. 488 00:21:17,988 --> 00:21:20,827 Y'all come back now, you hear? 489 00:21:20,894 --> 00:21:23,031 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 490 00:21:23,098 --> 00:21:24,702 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 491 00:21:24,768 --> 00:21:26,739 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 492 00:21:26,806 --> 00:21:28,810 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 493 00:21:28,877 --> 00:21:30,981 Shh!