1 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,576 Hmm? Mm. 2 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,712 - Don't pick it. - D'oh! 3 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:16,183 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:26,727 498... 5 00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,295 499... 6 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,397 It's time. 7 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,735 ♪ ♪ 8 00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:37,004 It's time. 9 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:44,211 I'm sorry. We're going to have to pull the plug. 10 00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:46,013 It's time. 11 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:48,815 See ya later, vegitaters. Ha-ha! 12 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,017 (groaning) 13 00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:52,286 (rhythmic beats) 14 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:55,722 All ears on me! 15 00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:56,957 (feedback screeches) 16 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:59,092 For 37 years, we've played shuffleboard 17 00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,195 against our crosstown rivals. 18 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:04,097 The Golden Exits Retirement Farm. 19 00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:05,966 (others booing) 20 00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,068 Those rich snobs think they're better than us, 21 00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,671 with their yoga classes, 22 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,706 and their aquacise, 23 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:15,676 and their name-brand applesauce. 24 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:16,910 (grunts) 25 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,679 (cheering, clamoring) 26 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,547 But today we show them 27 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,149 what we can do! 28 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,985 Cloudy eyes! Functioning hearts! 29 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,287 OTHERS: Can't lose! 30 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,892 (alert buzzing) 31 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,361 Aw, they want something. 32 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,664 (Muzak playing) 33 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:42,736 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:48,208 ♪ ♪ 35 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,279 (exclaims) 36 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,849 No fair. The other team's got a ringer. 37 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,751 ♪ Owner of an '80s car ♪ 38 00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,586 ♪ 200,000 miles ♪ 39 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,221 ♪ Owner of an '80s car ♪ 40 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,257 ♪ Got it for graduation. ♪ 41 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,730 (somber fanfare plays) 42 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,006 (siren wails) 43 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,140 (person coughs) 44 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,275 Mm. 45 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,443 ♪ ♪ 46 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,451 (cheering, clamoring) 47 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,619 We win! 48 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:35,255 Yet somehow I feel guilty. 49 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,796 That woman won't stop staring at me. 50 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,631 I'm not surprised, Marge. 51 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,534 You are a senior home ten. 52 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,535 (Marge grumbles) 53 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:51,004 Do I... know you? 54 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,306 Margie the Meanie? 55 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,508 You've caused me enough trouble! 56 00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,210 (sobbing): No! Oh... 57 00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,712 Mom, what don't we know about you? 58 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,448 Marge Bouvier, 59 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,617 you ruined my life! 60 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:07,754 I never want to see you again! 61 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,090 - (horn blaring) - (bells clanging) 62 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,494 That is my old principal. 63 00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:17,664 Mom, she's treating you like you were a bad kid in school. 64 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,434 But that's impossible. 65 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,503 Unless... 66 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,305 Well, I... not really. 67 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,909 You were a bad kid in school! 68 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,578 High five. And now you're trying to lie about it! 69 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,347 - (gasps) We're the same! - (car alarms sounding) 70 00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,148 We're the same! We're the same! We're the same! 71 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,651 Oh, I finally have a parent I am proud of. 72 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,186 Aw. 73 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,154 (chuckles) Marge. 74 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,924 You must've run into Principal York. 75 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,827 You made her life a living hell. 76 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,329 (sighs) It started in middle school. 77 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:50,631 Middle school. 78 00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:53,667 That's when we were sopranos in the choir. 79 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,969 (gravelly harmonizing) 80 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,671 (coughing) 81 00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,541 Ah! Still got it. 82 00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:04,578 MARGE: In seventh grade, I had to switch schools. 83 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,647 ♪ ♪ 84 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:10,484 (electric guitar solo plays) 85 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:16,123 We wear top and bottom eyeliner. 86 00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:17,891 Check out this tattoo. 87 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,226 Is that press-on? 88 00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:20,727 Henna. 89 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,229 (gasps) 90 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,599 They were so nasty to me. 91 00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,534 Ah! 92 00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,803 (Marge sobbing) 93 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:30,938 SELMA: And then one day, 94 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,906 against a checked-out principal, 95 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,308 you won them over. 96 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,476 The mean girls are picking on me again. 97 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:38,345 Well, what do you expect me to do, 98 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,048 start some kind of anti-bullying policy? 99 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,483 Also no standing during lunch. 100 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,352 (shouts) 101 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,486 (all gasp) 102 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,522 (laughter) 103 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:51,792 I'll do a lot better with the next person I hire. 104 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:54,328 He'll be a win-ner! 105 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,297 The new girl did that. 106 00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:58,932 It was cool. 107 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,034 ALL: Cool girl! Cool girl! 108 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,870 I am a cool girl. 109 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,738 Don't check with my old school. 110 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,507 You pranked the principal? 111 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,142 I embarrassed her, but I shouldn't have. 112 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:12,179 But that didn't stop you from doing it again. 113 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,182 (exclaims) 114 00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:18,552 Oh, my God! We saw the principal's bra. 115 00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,187 We've entered... 116 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,488 (deep voice): ...puberty! 117 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:22,789 PATTY: And again. 118 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,659 (gasps) It's not even grammatical. 119 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,931 Oh, my God, Mom, you're not perfect. 120 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,866 You're so not perfect. 121 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,301 Bart, I'm not... 122 00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:37,104 This is the first hug where you've ever hugged me back. 123 00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:39,806 Hug you back? I started the damn hug. 124 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,743 Language, but aw... 125 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,949 - (Ralph humming) - (gasps) 126 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,484 Two customers in the shop at once. 127 00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,452 Call the fire marshal. 128 00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,254 I want to buy a Batman. 129 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:56,390 Um, not so fast. Which era? 130 00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:58,725 Which artist? Dark Knight or Adam West? 131 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:02,296 (sighs) Sometimes I regret not finishing medical school. 132 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,998 I was one credit away. One. 133 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,968 I want the one where Batman eats lasagna. 134 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,571 That is Garfield, who is not a bat, but a cat. 135 00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:14,074 How can someone with such a big head be so stupid? 136 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:17,110 That is so cruel, picking on that poor Wiggum boy. 137 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,613 Someone should teach him a lesson. 138 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,215 Someone who's not afraid 139 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,584 to be a hero to her son. 140 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,853 Do it, Marge. Prank that guy. 141 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,287 Superman? 142 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,891 Uh, for legal reasons, you can call me Uber Hombre. 143 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:33,093 Once again the lack of clear copyright 144 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,162 in my country has screwed me. 145 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:36,964 My copyright expired. 146 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,966 Would you like to be the Scarlet Pimpernel? 147 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,701 No, thank you. 148 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,503 Maybe something should be done. 149 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,271 Aw. 150 00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:47,040 Why, look, if it isn't Lex Loser. 151 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,843 Ha. Stop working the package to see 152 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,845 what the middle comic is in the three-pack. 153 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,514 Take your chances like a man. 154 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:56,283 But I want to see if the middle one is valuable. 155 00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:58,318 The middle comic is never valuable. 156 00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:01,088 It's there to take up space like lettuce on a hamburger, 157 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,190 a seat filler at the Emmys, 158 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,358 or you. 159 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,326 (sobbing) 160 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,061 ♪ ♪ 161 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:12,299 Uh, excuse me, Mr. Guy? 162 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,301 I have more money than you've ever seen 163 00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,136 in this store. 164 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:19,773 Yes, sir, and may I offer you a snack? 165 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,175 You serve snacks? 166 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:22,910 For valued customers, yes. 167 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,012 Have a mint, or if you prefer, 168 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,347 a near mint. Could I interest you 169 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:30,150 in this very emotional Spider-Man, in which 170 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,520 Peter Parker confronts and forgives the spider who bit him? 171 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:34,588 (gasps) 172 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,456 A comic book's arch enemy! 173 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:37,891 Cola! No! 174 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,593 Oh, God! Oh! 175 00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:42,129 Oh, God! Ah! (grunts) 176 00:07:42,196 --> 00:07:44,531 To quote the immortal Shaggy: 177 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,466 "Zoinks!" 178 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:56,476 (both laughing) 179 00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,780 (laughing) 180 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,548 (all laughing) 181 00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:06,053 (both laughing) 182 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,856 What's so funny? 183 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,457 (giggles) Mom and I... 184 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,159 (shushes, giggles) 185 00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:13,627 ...did a prank together. 186 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,028 Shh! Sweetie. 187 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:16,230 Whoa, wait a minute. 188 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:18,198 So Bart gets his wild side 189 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,734 from his mother? That makes no sense. 190 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,536 Boys get stuff from their dads, 191 00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,205 like their favorite baseball team, mental disorders, 192 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:28,008 and the lame joke they tell every waiter. 193 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,710 Say, Maggie? 194 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,912 Why don't you get this one? 195 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,580 Ha-ha-ha. 196 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:36,316 Imagine, a baby paying a check. 197 00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,852 Well, maybe Bart's pranking allele 198 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,854 is on the maternal chromosome. 199 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,524 (sighs) The only part of that I understood 200 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:44,825 was "allele." 201 00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,460 I'm talking Mendelian genetics. 202 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:49,496 Young lady, we do not discuss that at the dinner table. 203 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,365 Now pass the peas. 204 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,469 Hmm. How come one quarter are yellow? 205 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:56,770 - (sighs) - (both laugh) 206 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,572 So Bart's not like me, 207 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,140 Lisa's not like me. 208 00:09:00,174 --> 00:09:02,943 There will be no evidence I was ever on this earth. 209 00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,312 Wait, wait. Maybe Maggie. 210 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,514 (Marge humming) 211 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,250 (sighs) 212 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,621 How many times I got to tell you, Homer? 213 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,757 No outside peas. 214 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:21,328 It's just that I realized the kids totally take after Marge. 215 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:23,664 - Nothing from me. - Come on, Homer. 216 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:26,266 There's got to be something you passed on to your kids. 217 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,569 That adorable way you pout? 218 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,736 (grumbles) 219 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:31,038 Uh, the way you can burp-sing 220 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,306 the national anthem? 221 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,308 Great chiming in today, guys. 222 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:37,144 - Oh, thanks for noticing. - Appreciate it. 223 00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,948 There is something we have in common, Dad. 224 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,683 That we're both made out of beer? 225 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,385 No, something deeper. Profound. 226 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,920 Dark beer? 227 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,889 You'll have to figure it out yourself. 228 00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,625 Oh, I hate when foam makes me think. 229 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,429 Hey, you guys have forgotten one thing. 230 00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,164 Lisa Simpson. 231 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,766 She is 100% scientific proof 232 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,134 that I exist. 233 00:10:01,235 --> 00:10:03,871 To Lisa "What's Her Middle Name" Simpson. 234 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,907 Daddy's little girl. 235 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:09,076 No clinking? What's wrong? 236 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,611 Yeah, well, truth be told, 237 00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:14,047 uh, none of us was positive Lisa was really your kid. 238 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,016 She's smart as a whip. 239 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,885 - Wha...? - She can control her temper. 240 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,553 Why, you...! 241 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,154 You look exactly like her 242 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,391 if she was a big, fat, bald guy, which she's not. 243 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,726 In the least. 244 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,194 For your information, 245 00:10:27,261 --> 00:10:29,096 I'm gonna find a wonderful bond 246 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,131 between myself and my little girl. 247 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:35,302 And you childless loners are gonna be so jealous. 248 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,872 You losers will never have this! 249 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,007 Losers! 250 00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,875 Oh, right, Maggie's in the car. 251 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,178 Shut the damn door! 252 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,916 Marge, I see you're buying 253 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,018 Slaughterhouse Sweepins brand hot dogs. 254 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,619 It must be so easy to shop 255 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:55,923 when anything's good enough for your family. (chuckles) 256 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,457 Eh? Eh? 257 00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:59,259 No. No more pranking. 258 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:02,629 Now we've got to buy food before the prices go up. 259 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:05,032 (Marge groaning nervously) 260 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,801 Timothy and I prefer Opera House Franks. 261 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,703 Maybe you've seen their commercials? 262 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,271 Oh, wait, they're only advertised 263 00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:14,308 on premium cable channels. (chuckles) 264 00:11:14,408 --> 00:11:16,310 (grunts) 265 00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:18,478 ♪ ♪ 266 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,355 (scanner beeps, stops) 267 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,291 I need a price check on a pack 268 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,594 - of Gassy Granny Underwear. - (gasps) 269 00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,028 That's not mine. 270 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,064 How did it get in my cart? 271 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,433 I also need a price check 272 00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:42,603 on a gallon of Sober by Six Day Drinker's Gin, 273 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:45,138 Lady Stinkfoot Insoles, 274 00:11:45,239 --> 00:11:48,008 The Marvelous Mrs. Miser's Week-Old Bread, 275 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,310 Barely Helpful Herpes Ointment, 276 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,514 FEMA Brand Emergency Toilet Paper... 277 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:56,950 and Garbage Mouth Bad Breath Neutralizing Suppositories. 278 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,685 (gasps) 279 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,721 (both laughing) 280 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,523 ♪ ♪ 281 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,793 (grunting) 282 00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:09,863 HOMER: (gasps) Vegetarians like food? 283 00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:12,799 Is that pulled pork dripping with cheese? 284 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:15,435 Uh, yes, except instead of cheese, 285 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:18,305 I'm using cashew paste with nutritional yeast 286 00:12:18,372 --> 00:12:20,908 and for pork, I'm substituting jackfruit. 287 00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:22,576 No pork? 288 00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:25,012 Jackfruit is vegan, abundant, 289 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,947 and no plucking, so it's cruelty-free. 290 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,549 Try some. 291 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,985 Hmm, not bad, not bad. 292 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,688 This is it-- food is our thing. 293 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,223 Well, if you like jackfruit, 294 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,792 I know a place you will love. 295 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,460 Mmm. 296 00:12:40,561 --> 00:12:42,462 It's probably not what you're thinking. 297 00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:43,697 D'oh! 298 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:47,501 Please give me the best kombucha you have on tap, 299 00:12:47,568 --> 00:12:50,771 and a bottle of your finest liquid aminos. 300 00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:53,574 You got it. Namaste. 301 00:12:56,577 --> 00:12:59,379 Mmm. Jicama sticks. 302 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,981 (crunching) 303 00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:03,116 Dad, do you like this food? 304 00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,819 Oh, sweetie, I love this meal. 305 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,055 I hated that meal. 306 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,657 Oh, thank God I keep an emergency sausage 307 00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,492 beside the bed. 308 00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:14,127 Ew, what is this? 309 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:15,863 It's a ground-up kickball. 310 00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:18,031 I pranked you. (laughing) 311 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,067 (Bart laughing in distance) 312 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,469 Why, you little...! (grunts) 313 00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:23,637 Ow! 314 00:13:23,704 --> 00:13:24,838 (Homer laughing) 315 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,406 Ow! Ow! Ooh! See, Marge? 316 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,509 That's why we shouldn't have books in the house. 317 00:13:28,609 --> 00:13:31,378 Do you think I like doing this pranking? 318 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,047 When I'm done laughing, I hate myself. 319 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,916 I'm behaving like a little brat 320 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,018 and it's made me a better mother. 321 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,387 But pranking isn't like you, it's like me. 322 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,389 We can't have two of me in this marriage. 323 00:13:42,456 --> 00:13:44,324 One of me is enough for three of us. 324 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:47,461 But I can't stop, 'cause I've never been closer to Bart. 325 00:13:47,561 --> 00:13:51,398 I've waited for a connection like this for so long. 326 00:13:51,465 --> 00:13:53,767 Longer than the new Avatar movie. 327 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,135 It's coming, Marge. 328 00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:56,770 You've got to have faith. 329 00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,939 You sound like James Cameron, Homer. 330 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,708 What if we never see Pandora again? 331 00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:04,645 The real unobtanium is the sequel. 332 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:07,714 Have faith, have faith. 333 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,884 Oh, sorry. No one's allowed in the store 334 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,953 while Mr. Burns shops for the right chewing gum. 335 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,721 Are you for real? 336 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,757 I am. He doesn't want to, quote, 337 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,158 "Catch your poverty." 338 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,426 Double mint? (scoffs) 339 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,595 A little too strong for my liking. 340 00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:23,931 My baby has a rash! 341 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,133 And it makes her a wiggle monster. 342 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:30,070 Babies. When will you learn that old people are our future? 343 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,773 Please! 344 00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,675 Sorry, I have a medical condition 345 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,343 where I don't give a damn. 346 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:37,477 (dial tone) 347 00:14:37,578 --> 00:14:39,179 ♪ ♪ 348 00:14:43,584 --> 00:14:45,786 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 349 00:14:45,853 --> 00:14:47,621 (laughs) He'll just fall 350 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,923 into that soft grass over there. 351 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,325 (grunting) 352 00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:58,365 Ah! Ow! Oh! 353 00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:01,268 (Burns thumping) 354 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:02,469 (grunting) 355 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,372 (zapping) 356 00:15:05,506 --> 00:15:08,308 Oh, my God, Bart. We went too far. 357 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,944 You mean you went too far. 358 00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,212 We've never been closer! 359 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:18,986 Marge, you're incredibly lucky Mr. Burns is okay. 360 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,954 It taught me a lesson, Smithers. 361 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,990 - Life could end at any moment. - Mm-hmm. 362 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:25,025 So we have to jam as much evil 363 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,661 as possible into each remaining day. 364 00:15:27,728 --> 00:15:29,763 (squawking) 365 00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:30,931 (gulps) 366 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,367 - (giggling) - (squawking) 367 00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:40,807 What are you looking at? 368 00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:42,442 Marge, I don't understand. 369 00:15:42,543 --> 00:15:44,711 What made you attack that hateful, 370 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,947 nasty, hateful old man? 371 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:49,149 Um, I was taught that a lady 372 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,085 should never express or experience emotions. 373 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:54,821 And I don't, except every couple of decades 374 00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:57,824 I snap. Otherwise I'm just simmering, 375 00:15:57,891 --> 00:15:59,593 simmering, simmering, simmering, 376 00:15:59,660 --> 00:16:02,229 - simmering, simmering... - You must have been such a good little girl. 377 00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:04,731 I don't want to talk anymore today. 378 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:08,135 Well, it's up to you. We can do this over 20 costly years, 379 00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:10,070 or you can have your breakthrough now. 380 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,606 Oh, people can have instant breakthroughs? 381 00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:14,641 Not people with good insurance, 382 00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:16,343 but yours is lousy. 383 00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:17,845 (sobbing) 384 00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:19,947 Oh, my God! 385 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:22,616 It's okay. It's okay. 386 00:16:22,683 --> 00:16:24,618 Therapists almost never give useful advice, 387 00:16:24,685 --> 00:16:27,187 but here's what you do: just find your old principal, 388 00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,356 make your peace, and you'll feel better. 389 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,624 Are you sure? 390 00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:34,328 As sure as I am I really don't want to see you again. 391 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,699 Bart, I-I'm sorry. 392 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,434 Pranking is selfish and unkind. 393 00:16:40,534 --> 00:16:43,537 Even if it's hilarious. I'm done. 394 00:16:43,604 --> 00:16:44,738 Mom, no! 395 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,773 I don't know who I am without pranking. 396 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,308 It's in our blood. 397 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:51,378 Like when you had me, that was a total prank on Dad. 398 00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:55,282 If you give it up, you're giving me up! 399 00:16:55,349 --> 00:16:57,651 (sobbing) 400 00:16:57,718 --> 00:16:59,720 ♪ ♪ 401 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,156 Okay, fine. 402 00:17:03,257 --> 00:17:06,093 I think I have one more prank left in me. 403 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,263 And it's gonna be a real doozy. 404 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:12,933 I love the way you say cool things in lame ways. 405 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,268 - Mm. - (Bart grunts) 406 00:17:15,936 --> 00:17:18,305 This is great. So great. 407 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:20,841 I would kill the Easter Bunny for one meatball. 408 00:17:20,941 --> 00:17:23,410 - Now, we shred in some kale. - Oh, no. 409 00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:26,346 - And Brussels sprouts, tofu, - You're killing me. 410 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,882 - bell peppers, mushrooms, - I'm gagging! Oh! 411 00:17:29,016 --> 00:17:31,218 - broccolini, artichokes. - Don't say-- oh! 412 00:17:31,285 --> 00:17:33,187 - Want some blueberries? - Ew! Yuck! 413 00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:34,621 Ooh, sunflower seeds. 414 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,356 You know, if a bag of pig knuckles fell in there, 415 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,091 it wouldn't be the end of the world. 416 00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:40,694 Dad, I love you, but I don't want to do this 417 00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,462 if you're gonna... Homer it up. 418 00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,032 My name is a verb, meaning "to ruin"? 419 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,000 - That is pretty Homer-ed up. - I'm sorry. 420 00:17:47,034 --> 00:17:49,069 - Just try a sip. - (slurps) 421 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,304 What do you think? 422 00:17:50,404 --> 00:17:51,905 (lisping): Soggy and underseasoned. 423 00:17:51,972 --> 00:17:54,474 I'm sorry. I hate this. 424 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:58,245 I have no similarities with any of my offspring. 425 00:17:58,312 --> 00:18:00,380 (lisping): My tongue is swelling, too! 426 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,851 Hey! Look at us! Our throats are closing as one. 427 00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:06,753 Aw. Want to share an ambulance? 428 00:18:06,854 --> 00:18:08,856 Yes. 429 00:18:08,956 --> 00:18:10,324 It turns out you two have 430 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,726 many common allergies, including 431 00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:14,628 allspice, dust, feathers, fur, 432 00:18:14,728 --> 00:18:16,930 the stuff in peanut butter that isn't peanuts, 433 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:20,033 also peanuts, animal dander, Irish Spring-- 434 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,502 the season and the soap-- 435 00:18:21,602 --> 00:18:24,738 and the smell of honeysuckle on a dark Georgia night. 436 00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:27,007 - (moans) - What's wrong, Dad? 437 00:18:27,074 --> 00:18:29,009 You're such a great kid. 438 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,612 Sorry I passed down all those bad parts. 439 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,882 Dad, you passed down the most important part of yourself. 440 00:18:34,982 --> 00:18:36,550 Your kind heart. 441 00:18:36,617 --> 00:18:40,220 (coughs) I'm afraid I'm allergic to treacle. 442 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,156 (hacking) 443 00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:46,460 I'm here to apologize. 444 00:18:46,527 --> 00:18:49,663 Let me guess, there's bees inside. 445 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,866 Please, I just want you to know I'm a good person. 446 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,501 I really am. 447 00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:57,304 Just sniff the flowers, you'll see. 448 00:18:58,071 --> 00:18:59,606 (sniffs, screams) 449 00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:01,408 Oh! Meanie! 450 00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:03,076 (both laughing) 451 00:19:03,110 --> 00:19:04,878 We got you! 452 00:19:04,945 --> 00:19:07,981 I've always hated children. 453 00:19:08,015 --> 00:19:10,751 (gasps) ¡Ay, caramba! 454 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,424 You're going to juvie 455 00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:19,092 and you're going to women's prison. 456 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,661 And the victim is gonna be buried 457 00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:23,130 with deceased members of the Blue Man Group, 458 00:19:23,197 --> 00:19:25,899 which there are way more than you'd think. 459 00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:29,102 (laughing): All died in hilarious ways. 460 00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:31,972 Oh, my God, oh, my God! Please be alive. 461 00:19:32,039 --> 00:19:34,541 I'll never prank again. Never! 462 00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:36,610 - (screams) - We got ya! 463 00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:38,712 (both laughing) 464 00:19:39,513 --> 00:19:42,449 Uh-oh, Lou. We have got a zombie situation here. 465 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,052 Aim for the brain. It's the only way. 466 00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:47,020 Just teaching a lesson to my son. 467 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,122 She was never dead. 468 00:19:49,223 --> 00:19:50,490 She's a zombie lover, Lou! 469 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,926 Aim for both their heads. It's the only way. 470 00:19:52,993 --> 00:19:54,595 They're not zombies, Chief. 471 00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,663 And neither were the Wilsons. 472 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,932 Uh, don't mention the Wilsons. 473 00:19:58,999 --> 00:20:00,767 So, Mom, you taught me the dangers of pranking 474 00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:02,569 while pulling an awesome prank. 475 00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:03,770 Lesson learned. 476 00:20:03,837 --> 00:20:05,005 Have some peanut brittle. 477 00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:07,074 Mm-hmm, no snakes? 478 00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:09,643 I took out the snakes and actually put in peanut brittle. 479 00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:12,145 That's how much I respect you. 480 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,482 Hmm. 481 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:18,986 Well, you know I love you and I always will. 482 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,054 But enough with the pranking. 483 00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:23,323 Enough with the pranking. 484 00:20:24,825 --> 00:20:26,293 (both grunt) 485 00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:30,397 (chuckles) 486 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,469 (laughs) 487 00:20:48,215 --> 00:20:49,483 "Dear Agnes, I'm so sorry 488 00:20:49,550 --> 00:20:50,918 "I put laxatives in your dog's food. 489 00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:52,686 "Then secretly filmed it. 490 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:56,190 "Then sent it to America's Worst Carpet Disasters. 491 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:59,960 "Then I won. And used the prize money to buy more laxatives. 492 00:21:00,027 --> 00:21:02,696 Sincerely, Marge." 493 00:21:02,796 --> 00:21:05,866 (groans) Another one done. 494 00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:08,535 (exhales) Well, that's the A's. 495 00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:10,270 "Dear Bernice..." 496 00:21:10,404 --> 00:21:12,940 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 497 00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:15,976 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 498 00:21:16,043 --> 00:21:19,213 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 499 00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:22,716 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 500 00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:33,260 Shh!