1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:14,973 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,394 (bell rings) 4 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,525 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,905 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:43,376 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,464 (tires screech) 8 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,180 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,893 (horn honks) 10 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,270 (tires screech) 11 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,734 -Aah! -(tires screech) 13 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,085 {\an8}(Homer sighing contentedly) 14 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:28,171 {\an8}Ah, another beautiful day in the womb. 15 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:31,341 {\an8}♪♪ (humming "Blue Danube Waltz") 16 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,806 {\an8}(screaming) 17 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,936 {\an8}Let go! Let go! 18 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,979 {\an8}I'm all naked and wet! 19 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,314 {\an8}Get up, Homer. It's time for church. 20 00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:47,607 {\an8}I don't want to go. 21 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,150 {\an8}It's church. You have to go. 22 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,568 {\an8}Too cold out. 23 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:54,614 {\an8}(growling ferociously) 24 00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:58,493 {\an8}I'm tired of having this argument every Sunday. Get dressed. 25 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:00,995 {\an8}Oh... stupid, itchy church pants. 26 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,914 {\an8}(grunting) 27 00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:06,000 {\an8}One size fits all, my butt. 28 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,836 Come on. We're going to be late. 29 00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:10,004 (pants ripping) 30 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,799 Forget it. I'm not going. 31 00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:14,634 (groans) 32 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:18,763 (squeaking) 33 00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,478 {\an8}Hey, where's Homer? 34 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,564 {\an8}Your father's... resting. 35 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,649 {\an8}Resting hung over, resting got fired? 36 00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:31,151 {\an8}Help me out here. 37 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:34,779 {\an8}Ah, I'm just a big, toasty cinnamon bun. 38 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:37,782 {\an8}I never want to leave this bed. 39 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:41,035 {\an8}Uh-oh... got to take a whiz. 40 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:43,329 {\an8}Think, man, think. 41 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,748 {\an8}Think, think, think. 42 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,667 {\an8}I better get up. 43 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:53,006 I'm whizzing with the door open, and I love it. 44 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:59,762 ♪ Why, oh, why, Delilah? ♪ 45 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,809 DISK JOCKEY: It's 11 KBBL degrees below zero. 46 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,228 I hope you're someplace warm. 47 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,397 You bet your sweet... 48 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,482 ass! 49 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:15,653 (shivering) 50 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,822 I'm afraid our furnace isn't working. 51 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:20,658 MAN: Yeah, what's the story? 52 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,411 But let's just put it out of our minds 53 00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:26,372 and turn to the lamentations of Jeremiah... 54 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,624 long version. 55 00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:30,585 "Joy is gone from our hearts. 56 00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:33,004 Our dancing has turned to mourning." 57 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,594 ♪♪ (pop-rock) 58 00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:43,556 ♪ Who wears short shorts? ♪ 59 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,643 ♪ I wear short shorts ♪ 60 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:52,065 The perfect chance to make my patented space-age 61 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,692 out-of-this-world moon waffles. 62 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,653 Let's see here. 63 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,238 Caramels... 64 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,156 waffle batter... 65 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,492 liquid smoke... 66 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,914 Ooh... waffle runoff. 67 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:09,707 (sizzling) 68 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,584 (steam escaping) 69 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:19,717 Mmm... fattening. 70 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:23,638 ...and he was cast into the fiery cauldron of Hell. 71 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:25,098 (cracking) 72 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,016 The searing heat, 73 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,144 the scalding rivers of molten sulfur. 74 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,814 Ahh... I'm there. 75 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,983 Uh-oh. 76 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,567 (whistling) 77 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,194 Here, boy. 78 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,910 Okay, okay, okay, okay! 79 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,996 MINISTER: The service is ended. 80 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,914 Go in peace. 81 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,708 ♪♪ (organ) 82 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,793 (grunting) 83 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:57,255 The door's frozen shut... and it's the only way out! 84 00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:58,506 (mumbling) 85 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,800 Our Father who art in heaven... 86 00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:02,844 Lisa, this is neither the time nor the place. 87 00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:04,846 DISK JOCKEY 1: That was Johnny Calhoun with 88 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,265 "Gonna Find Me a Genie with a Magic Bikini." 89 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:09,434 DISK JOCKEY 2: Of course Johnny's next record was a spoken-word album 90 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:10,643 of his right-wing political views. 91 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,061 It kinda killed his career. 92 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,479 If you can tell me the name of that album 93 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:14,522 call our contest line now. 94 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,190 (gasps) I know that! 95 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,282 Hello, this is Homer Simpson. 96 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,075 Homer, can you name that title? 97 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,454 "This Things I Believe." 98 00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,664 -Can we accept that? -(cash register jingling) 99 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:32,623 Whoo-hoo! 100 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:36,878 How's that door coming, Willie? 101 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,589 Miracles are your department, Reverend. 102 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,132 MINISTER: While we're waiting, 103 00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:43,926 why don't I read from the Sunday bulletin? 104 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,511 "Card table for sale. 105 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:48,222 "Top badly damaged, leg missing, otherwise fine. 106 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,433 One dollar or best offer." 107 00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:54,062 WOMAN (on TV): You must be the three chiropractors I sent for. 108 00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:56,314 Now, start manipulating my spine. 109 00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:58,358 CURLY: Hey, Moe, we don't know nothing about manipulating. 110 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,986 MOE: You heard the lady. Grab her spine and get cracking. 111 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,322 -Moe is their leader. -(whooping) 112 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,865 -MOE: Why you-- -CURLY: Hey! 113 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,118 (grunting) 114 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,078 Huzzah! 115 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:14,374 Please, please, Christians, don't push. 116 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,000 Excuse me. Pardon me. Whoa! 117 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,169 Coming through. How ya doin'? Love that hat, baby. 118 00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:21,714 Come on, TV, give me some of that sweet, sweet pep. 119 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,592 Let's define our terms, gentlemen. 120 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,177 Are we talking about redistricting 121 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,970 or are we talking about reapportionment? 122 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,306 Oh, well. Can't win them all. 123 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,934 {\an8}MAN: We interrupt this public affairs program 124 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,352 {\an8}to bring you a football game. 125 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,270 Yes! 126 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,650 (engine sputtering) 127 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,318 (sputtering) 128 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,405 (Marge mimicking engine sputtering) 129 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,240 Give it a little more gas. 130 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:49,158 No, no, that's too much. 131 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,535 Know what I think would help? 132 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:51,619 What?! What would help?! 133 00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:53,746 Nothing. 134 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:58,376 ANNOUNCER: A 98-yard triple reverse ties the score at 63-63. 135 00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:01,379 We have seen nothing but razzle-dazzle here today. 136 00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:04,173 Three visits from Morgana, the Kissing Bandit 137 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,551 and the astonishing return of Jim Brown. 138 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,344 Whoo-hoo! 139 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,097 Is that what I think it is? 140 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,936 Mm-hmm. 141 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:20,731 I found a penny! 142 00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,443 Could this be the best day of my life? 143 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,448 (laughing hysterically) 144 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,244 Looks like we have a new champion. 145 00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,662 (shivering) 146 00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,747 HOMER: Ah, my beloved family. 147 00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:37,999 How was church? 148 00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:41,377 (grumbling) 149 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,879 I, on the other hand, 150 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,213 have been having the best day of my life, 151 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,716 and I owe it all to skipping church. 152 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,551 That's a terrible thing to say. 153 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,636 Kids, your father doesn't really mean that. 154 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,138 Like fun, I don't. 155 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:55,308 Marge, I'm never going to church again. 156 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:58,769 Homer, are you actually giving up your faith? 157 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:02,231 No! No, no, no, no, no, no. 158 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,691 Well, yes. 159 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,696 (metal scraping) 160 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:12,116 I can't believe you're giving up church, Homer. 161 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,784 Hey, what's the big deal 162 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,953 about going to some building every Sunday? 163 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,121 I mean, isn't God everywhere? 164 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,372 Amen, brother. 165 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,665 And don't you think that the Almighty 166 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,250 has better things to worry about 167 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,960 than where one little guy 168 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,504 spends one measly hour of his week? 169 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,963 Tell it, Daddy. 170 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:28,090 And what if we picked the wrong religion? 171 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,343 Every week we're just making God madder and madder. 172 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,845 Testify! 173 00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:34,847 (growls) 174 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,725 Lord, my husband is by no means perfect 175 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,685 but he's a kind, decent man. 176 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,396 Please show him the error of his ways. 177 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,357 Marge, come to bed. 178 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,734 No, Homer. 179 00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:49,320 He doesn't mean to be sacrilegious, Lord. 180 00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,864 He just likes to sleep in on Sundays. 181 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:52,949 Marge... 182 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:56,494 come to bed, Marge. 183 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,955 Lord, he's not a bad person, Lord, really. 184 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,414 He just sometimes... 185 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,124 It's good for what ails you. 186 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,585 He doesn't mean any harm. 187 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,796 I can wait all... 188 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,381 (snoring) 189 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,223 (rumbling) 190 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,933 Ooh! 191 00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:21,352 (static) 192 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:30,778 God? 193 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:34,365 Thou hast forsaken my church! 194 00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:36,617 Well, kind of... but... 195 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:37,868 But what? 196 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,745 I'm not a bad guy. 197 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,998 I work hard and I love my kids 198 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,000 so why should I spend half my Sunday 199 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,168 hearing about how I'm going to hell? 200 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,212 Hmm. 201 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,381 You've got a point there. 202 00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:51,716 You know, sometimes 203 00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:54,093 even I'd rather be watching football. 204 00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,971 Does St. Louis still have a team? 205 00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,014 No. They moved to Phoenix. 206 00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,473 Oh, yeah. 207 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:02,143 You know what I really hate about church? 208 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,769 Those boring sermons. 209 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,397 (God sighing) I couldn't agree more. 210 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,317 That Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. 211 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,819 I think I'll give him a canker sore. 212 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,237 Give him one for me. 213 00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,697 I will. 214 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:17,742 So I figure I should just try to live right 215 00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,827 and worship you in my own way. 216 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,871 Homer, it's a deal. 217 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,414 Now, if you'll excuse me 218 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:27,335 I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico. 219 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:36,510 Dad, can I ask you a question? 220 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:37,887 Sure, honey. 221 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,806 {\an8}Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy? 222 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,433 Don't worry, sweetheart. 223 00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:45,645 If I'm wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed. 224 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,731 Hello, my animal friends. 225 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,274 Peace be with you. 226 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,487 Guys, please, could you give me five minutes? 227 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,155 Reverend Lovejoy 228 00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:59,116 I had an ulterior motive in inviting you to dinner. 229 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,078 -What?! -No, it's nothing bad. 230 00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:03,829 I'm just concerned because my husband 231 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,290 hasn't been attending your services lately. 232 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,584 Well, I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing 233 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,545 but then God himself told me I should seek a new path. 234 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,589 -Oh, really? -Yeah. 235 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,007 He appeared before me in a dream 236 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,425 and I knew that was special 237 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,220 'cause I usually dream about naked-- Marge. 238 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:20,388 (growls) 239 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,431 So, Homer, you saw the big cheese? 240 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,974 What did he look like? 241 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,768 Perfect teeth, nice smell... 242 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,353 a class act all the way. 243 00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,355 Homer, you're crazy! 244 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,524 Tell him this is all crazy. 245 00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:34,819 Homer, I'd like you to remember Matthew 7:26-- 246 00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,028 The foolish man 247 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,280 who built his house on sand. 248 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,117 And you remember... 249 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,620 Matthew... 21:17. 250 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:45,996 "And he left them 251 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,957 "and went out of the city into Bethany 252 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,208 and he lodged there"? 253 00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:51,210 Yeah. 254 00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:52,920 Think about it. 255 00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:55,464 Hello, work? This is Homer Simpson. 256 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,550 I won't be coming in tomorrow. 257 00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,135 Religious holiday. 258 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,219 The, uh, feast of... 259 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,388 maximum occupancy. 260 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:03,931 Pretty slick. 261 00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:05,891 You should join my religion, Moe. 262 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:06,892 It's great. 263 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,310 No hell, no kneeling... 264 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,979 Sorry, Homer. 265 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,356 I was born a snake handler and I'll die a snake handler. 266 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,607 (doorbell rings) 267 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,319 Neighbor, I heard about your heresy 268 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,990 and we've made it our mission to win you back to the flock. 269 00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,325 -No sale. -Homer, Christian life 270 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,369 isn't all praying and sacrifice. 271 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,163 Hey, dig this. 272 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,873 ♪ God said to Noah ♪ 273 00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:30,708 ♪ There's gonna be a floody-floody ♪ 274 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:32,752 (snoring) 275 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,128 (phone rings) 276 00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:35,796 ♪ Rain came down ♪ 277 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,507 ♪ It started to get muddy-muddy ♪ 278 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,346 ♪ Get those animals ♪ 279 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,807 ♪ Out on the arky-arky ♪ 280 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,058 Leave me alone. 281 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,227 Dad, the heathen's getting away. 282 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,520 I see him, son. 283 00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:57,401 (bell clanging) 284 00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,820 (horn blaring) 285 00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:16,796 (yells) 286 00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,634 (laughs) 287 00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:22,885 (squeaking) 288 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,261 Where are we going? 289 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,554 Garbage island. 290 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,264 (foghorn blasts) 291 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,648 (fishing reel ticking sound) 292 00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:44,990 (ticking) 293 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,664 (ticking) 294 00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:52,748 Huh? 295 00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,460 (screaming) 296 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,260 (cheering) 297 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,262 (laughing) 298 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,471 Let's go, kids. 299 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,682 How come we have to go to church 300 00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:10,933 and Dad gets to stay home and watch cartoons? 301 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,060 (growls) 302 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:14,311 I have a responsibility 303 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,063 to raise these children right, 304 00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:17,565 and unless you change 305 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,275 I'll have to tell them their father is... 306 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,485 Well, wicked. 307 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:22,903 Kids, let me tell you 308 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:25,406 about another so-called "wicked" guy. 309 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:28,617 He had long hair and some wild ideas 310 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,994 and he didn't always do 311 00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:32,496 what other people thought was right 312 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,833 and that man's name was... 313 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:37,126 I forget. 314 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,335 But the point is... 315 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:41,088 I forget that too. 316 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,132 Marge, you know who I'm talking about. 317 00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,300 He used to drive that blue car. 318 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,135 Kids, could you wait outside for us? 319 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,097 Homer, please don't make me choose 320 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,975 between my man and my God because you just can't win. 321 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,268 There you go again. 322 00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:56,937 Always taking someone else's side. 323 00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:00,441 Flanders, the water department, God... 324 00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:03,611 I'm only going to ask you one last time. 325 00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:06,739 Are you sure you won't come with us to church? 326 00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,949 MAN (on TV): Coming up next: Make your own ladder. 327 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,075 Very sure. 328 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,872 LOVEJOY: My friends 329 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:17,333 the devil walks among us. 330 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:19,251 (gasping) 331 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,878 I got him! 332 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,881 No, don't look for the pitchfork and pointy tail. 333 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:26,926 Today's devil has assumed a more seductive form 334 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,302 pleasing to the eye. 335 00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:29,929 Oh-h-h. 336 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,431 An interview with Lorne Michaels. 337 00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:33,432 Oh-h-h-h. 338 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,392 Wait, that's no good. 339 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,102 Hey, now we're talking. 340 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,980 "Our unabashed dictionary defines I.U.D. 341 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,942 as 'love springs internal.'" 342 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,193 (laughs) 343 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,402 I don't get it. 344 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:46,862 (doorbell rings) 345 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,406 Hello. I'm collecting 346 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,784 for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns. 347 00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:54,203 Last year tornados claimed the lives 348 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:56,080 of 75 Jewish clowns. 349 00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:57,581 The worst incident 350 00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,584 was during our convention in Lubbock, Texas. 351 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:04,254 There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere. 352 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:07,633 It was terrible. (sobbing) 353 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:10,260 Wait a minute. Is this a religious thing? 354 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:12,680 A religious clown thing, yes. 355 00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:13,931 -Sorry. -Well, bless you any-- 356 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:17,267 Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. 357 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,397 Apu, I see you're not in church. 358 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,732 Oh, but I am. I have a shrine to Ganesha 359 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,944 the god of worldly wisdom, located in the employee lounge. 360 00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:28,862 Hey, Ganesha, want a peanut? 361 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,781 Please do not offer my god a peanut. 362 00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:32,992 No offense, Apu, but when they were handing out religions 363 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,077 you must have been out taking a whiz. 364 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,371 Mr. Simpson, please pay for your purchases 365 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:38,914 and get out, and come again. 366 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:42,084 Pride goeth before destruction. 367 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,711 Boy... 368 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:47,631 everyone is stupid except me. 369 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,425 (snoring) 370 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,855 (explosion) 371 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:08,652 Marge, turn down the heat. 372 00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,738 That's better. 373 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:18,620 (snoring) 374 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,334 (sniffing) 375 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:25,294 (growling) 376 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,513 Ah! Fire! 377 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,766 What do I do?! What do I do?! 378 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,059 (coughing) 379 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,602 Oh, the song, the song. 380 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:43,896 ♪ When a fire starts to burn ♪ 381 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:45,606 ♪ There's a lesson you must learn ♪ 382 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,900 ♪ Something, something, then you'll see ♪ 383 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:50,277 ♪ You'll avoid catastrophe ♪ 384 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,779 D'oh! 385 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,406 (coughing) 386 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:55,532 (Apu gasps) 387 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,159 Fire at the old Simpson place! 388 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,122 You're on your honor not to steal anything. 389 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,374 Oh, we won't. 390 00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:07,836 Little Jumpshid, 391 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,755 the store is in your hands. 392 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:10,964 {\an8}How I have waited for this day. 393 00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:16,970 (siren wailing) 394 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,436 (quacking) 395 00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:31,151 You ducks are really trying my patience! 396 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,694 But you're so cute. 397 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,657 Homer! Homer! 398 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:48,085 No! 399 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,598 Dear Lord, may your loving hand 400 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,976 guide Homer to the mattress, square and true. 401 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,275 Okay. 402 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,491 (sirens wailing) 403 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,326 (coughing) 404 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:24,163 Flanders, you saved me. 405 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,706 Why? 406 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:29,877 Heck, you would have done the same for me. 407 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,421 {\an8}Help! Help! 408 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:33,589 (laughing) 409 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,925 That's right, old friend. 410 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,177 BOTH: Dad! 411 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,678 Oh, Homie, are you all right? 412 00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:43,182 Our magazines and roach traps, gone! 413 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:44,892 All gone. 414 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:47,186 (cat yowling) 415 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:50,272 I saved your cat. 416 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,149 Ow! That hurt. 417 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:55,652 Hey, what are these axes for? 418 00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,905 I don't know. Chopping stuff. 419 00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,114 Gotcha! 420 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,700 (grunting) 421 00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,202 Some nice chopping. 422 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:06,205 Truly, this was an act of God. 423 00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,208 Hey, wait a minute! 424 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,710 Flanders is a regular Charlie Church 425 00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:14,087 and God didn't save his house. 426 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,174 D'oh! 427 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,843 Any valuables in the house? 428 00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,179 Well, the Picasso, 429 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,181 my collection of classic cars... 430 00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,683 Sorry. This policy only covers actual losses, 431 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,060 not made-up stuff. 432 00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:29,811 Well, that's just great. 433 00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,397 Fire-- man's oldest foe. 434 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,234 Insatiable, remorseless, unquenchable. 435 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:36,485 FIREMAN: Hey, it's out. 436 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,195 (cheering) 437 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:40,239 Coming up next: Which work better-- 438 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,200 springy clothespins or the other kind? 439 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:50,499 You know, I have a feeling there's a lesson here. 440 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,084 Yes. The lesson is-- 441 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,461 No, don't tell me. I'll get it. 442 00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:55,963 Oh, I know. 443 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,048 The Lord is vengeful. 444 00:20:58,131 --> 00:20:59,883 Oh, spiteful one 445 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,511 show me who to smite and they shall be smoten. 446 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:05,097 Homer, God didn't set your house on fire. 447 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,391 No, but he was working in the hearts 448 00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:10,686 of your friends and neighbors when they went to your aid, 449 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:12,521 be they Christian, Jew, or... 450 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:14,064 miscellaneous. 451 00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:16,692 Hindu. There are 700 million of us. 452 00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:18,026 Aw, that's super. 453 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,987 I was rude to every one of you, 454 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,947 and you saved my life 455 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,782 when you could have just left me to fry 456 00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:26,493 like the proverbial pancake that I am. 457 00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:30,998 Oh, Homie, I'm so glad to hear you say that. 458 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,083 Now, would you give church another try? 459 00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:36,628 I'll be there next Sunday, front row center. 460 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,965 (snoring) 461 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:46,888 GOD: Don't feel bad, Homer. 462 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:50,434 Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year. 463 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,021 That's game, Hendrix. 464 00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:56,481 God, I got to ask you something. 465 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,525 What's the meaning of life? 466 00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:00,277 Homer, I can't tell you that. 467 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,029 Come on. 468 00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:04,489 You'll find out when you die. 469 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:05,866 I can't wait that long. 470 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,076 You can't wait six months? 471 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,953 HOMER: No, tell me now. 472 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:12,289 GOD: Well, okay. 473 00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:14,750 The meaning of life is... 474 00:22:57,584 --> 00:22:58,502 Shh! 475 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,925 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.