♪ The Simpsons ♪
(bell rings)
(work whistle blows)
-(sucking) -(register beeping)
(jazzy solo)
(tires screech)
D'oh!
-Aah! -(tires screech)
Okay, Ron.
Which one of our girls said the following about you?
"He looked so sexy, I hoped we would have sex."
Well, that's a tough one,
'cause I did the deed with Ouda, Candy, and Shasta.
(giggling) It's true, alright.
But I'm going to have to go with Shasta,
'cause she liked makin' bacon on the beach.
Ooh. Me too.
-Ohh, bacon. -(knocking)
Mr. Simpson, my husband and I have decided to move.
Going to run out the clock in Florida, eh?
Yes. Well, there's a few things
you could do to help us sell our home.
First, whenever you walk in front of your window,
-could you please wear pants? -Mmm, no.
Second, could you please take in your jack-o'-lanterns
from past Halloweens?
Mmm, no.
And please cover your garbage.
It's attracting wildlife.
What?
Hey, moose! Shoo!
Yeah, I'm talking to you.
Get off my lawn. Now!
(yells)
Hello. What's this?
Wire hangers, expired medicine, old newspapers...
(gasping)
Okay, Homer, stay calm.
Just quietly get this stuff inside your house.
Homer, you're not listening.
That medicine's not for you.
Come on, Marge.
Maybe I'm not getting enough...
"Estrogen."
Give me that.
Ahoy, mateys. Had your fill of tacos?
Would ye sooner eat a bilge rat than another burger?
Then come for all-you-can-eat seafood
at the Frying Dutchman.
(moaning)
Is it more iced tea ye be needing?
-Okay. -(laughs gruffly)
Set sail for the Frying Dutchman.
Aye, aye, Captain.
Marge, we're going to that restaurant.
But I think I'm allergic to seafood.
The last time I ate shrimp,
my throat closed up and I went into convulsions.
Mmm... shrimp.
Now, I don't know much about haggling or bargaining,
so why don't we just agree to pay whatever the Winfields want.
-That could work. -(belch in distance)
-What was that? -Sigh.
HOMER: Hmm? There you are.
Thought you could get away, huh?
Good-bye.
Hmm!
I don't think we should be down here.
Nervous, Lise? I don't blame you.
This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
Bart! The Winfields didn't have a son.
See that sock over there?
It was his only friend.
Hello, Lisa.
Here in the dark you won't need those eyes.
Let me have them.
Bart! That's not funny.
There are some who say the monster is still...
-here! -(screaming)
(yells)
(laughs)
Friend.
Friend...
(yells)
(body thuds)
-GIRL: Hey, kid, wake up. -BART: Who are you?
I'm Laura, your new neighbor. You all right?
She's beautiful. Say something clever.
I fell on my bottom.
D'oh!
(glass shatters)
Oh, not again.
My mother's inside, Mrs. Simpson.
Please go right on in.
Oh, you speak so politely to adults.
My upbringing was painfully strict, ma'am.
That's sweet.
MARGE: And finally, Moe's tavern has contributed a coupon
as their way of saying "Welcome to Springfield."
Thank you, this is all so nice.
I actually had some doubts about moving to Springfield.
Especially after that Time cover story,
"America's Worst City."
-You can see our house in that photo. -Oh.
And this is for the man of the house...
Mmm... which I guess is you.
-Mmm. -I guess I should explain.
Laura's father and I divorced two years ago.
They're so sweet when you marry them.
But soon it's just career, career, career.
My hammock! Do you understand?
Mine! Don't look that way.
(groans)
I bet you don't know this one.
How would you like a hurts doughnut? Ow!
Hurts, don't it? (chuckles)
Right. Do you know what a wet willy is?
Is it this?
Hey, baby, how about putting your finger in my ear?
I don't know. Your boyfriend looks like the jealous type.
-Hey, what the-- -That kid's messing with our minds.
-Let's get out of here. -Now, where were we?
-Oh, yeah, I was gonna tell your fortune. -Huh?
Oh, man, you're gonna be rich.
Whoa!
There's your mansion.
There's the tennis court.
(hawks and spits) And there's the swimming pool.
See you later, Bart. (chuckles)
I'll never wash this hand again.
LISA: Dad, make Bart wash his hand.
Sorry, Lise, I no longer control the hand.
-The hand controls me. -Dad!
Shut up, you little monsters!
Hello, I was wondering if you'd like to baby-sit my little angels?
Sorry. This isn't Abby.
This is her sister. I look after her now.
No, Bart, put it down.
Put it down, Bart. Bart, put it down.
Aw, no all-you-can-eat seafood.
I wore my extra-loose pants for nothing.
Nothing!
-Maybe Laura could watch us. -Oh, I get it.
Bart, the baby-sitter's here.
Let me tuck you in. (kissing)
Silence!
Huh?
(yells)
Maybe it's time I washed my hand.
I'll send Laura over to baby-sit
as soon as she gets home.
Great. Oh, and there was something else--
something I was supposed to tiptoe around.
-My divorce. -That's it. Whoo-hoo!
I'm glad one of us remembered.
That could have been embarrassing.
Well, I know what you're thinking,
and the answer is yes.
I want to be fixed up
with one of your friends as soon as you can arrange it.
After all, Homer, I do have the normal appetites.
(chuckles) I know what you mean.
Just let me make sure we're not talkin' about food.
-I'm not. -Right. Me neither.
-We're talking about sex, right? -Right.
I hear you loud and clear.
(purrs)
Bart, are you taking a bath?
Yes, I am, and it would be nice
to have a little privacy around here for a change.
This wouldn't have anything to do with Laura coming over, would it?
Hey, sometimes a guy just likes his skin to look its yellowist.
Why, Laura, what a pleasant surprise.
Cute. What do you guys want for dinner?
I don't care.
Ask Hef over there.
Ladies' choice.
(clock ticking)
Sometimes I think you want to fail!
Shut up. Just shut up!
(ringing)
We used to eat this
when my dad was stationed in Vandahar.
Take your kafta bi sanya and dip it in the labna.
Now that is good labna.
I'm sorry, ma'am, but everything on the menu has fish in it.
What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
-Yes. -Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse.
Excellent choice. And for the gentleman?
All you can eat! All you can eat!
All right, when you're ready, take this plate over--
Please, don't take the steam tray. Sir!
Come on, Bart, if I can teach Maggie to waltz,
I can teach you.
Just follow me and put your hand on my hip.
(voice cracking) Okay.
♪♪ (waltz)
-Wedgie! -Whoa.
(neon sign buzzing)
(chomping and chewing)
(snoring)
That man ate all our shrimp
and two plastic lobsters.
'Tis no man.
'Tis a remorseless eating machine.
Arrrggg.
Six bells. Time for closing.
Can't talk. Eating.
Fairly warned be thee, says I. (snapping fingers)
Hey. Hey!
(Homer yelling)
But the sign said "All you can eat."
Mmm.
I'm going to fight this thing.
Oh, please don't.
For me.
Sorry, Marge, this is my quest.
I'm like that guy. That Spanish guy.
You know, he fought the windmills?
-Don Quixote? -No, that's not it.
What's his name? The Man of La Mancha.
-Don Quixote. -No!
I really think that was the character's name, Don Quixote.
Fine. I'll look it up.
Well, who was it?
-Never mind. -Mm-hmm.
(bell ringing)
Oh, no, here comes the conservative judge.
(judge growling)
-Plead insanity. Plead insanity! -It's not working.
All right. Hit the change of venue button! Now!
Oh, no, you're in Texas.
If I'd hit the remorse button one more time I would have made it.
Oh, Bart, I gotta go. See you around.
-I am thinking you like this girl, yes? -How did you know?
My ceiling mirrors and video cameras sometimes see more
than who is about to shoot me.
All you can eat. Ha!
Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case
of fraudulent advertising since my suit
against the film the Neverending Story.
So, do you think I have a case?
Homer, I don't use the word "hero" very often,
but you are the greatest hero in American history.
(cheering)
-I'm here to see my Grampa. -Here I am, sonny.
You're not my Grampa.
Aw, come on, give me a chance.
Hey, can your grandfather do this?
Hey! Ha! Hoo!
Hey! Ha! Oh!
Bart! Aw, you remembered my birthday.
Huh? Oh, I sure did.
Here's a bus schedule.
Wow! Fits right in my pocket.
Grampa, I need some advice.
Did you ever have a crush on an older woman?
I had a crush on the oldest woman.
120 years old, she was.
Here's a picture of her delivering Eubie Blake.
What happened?
She fell in with that Guinness Book of Records crowd.
Suddenly she didn't have any time for me.
Oh, I wore a 15-pound beard of bees
for that woman, but it just wasn't enough.
Dad, I have some questions about women.
Uh, can't you see I'm reading the... cultural calendar?
Ooh, "Mostly Mozart" is in town.
Homer, Bart's at a very curious age.
As his father, I think you should have
a frank and earthy discussion about...
Mmm, you know.
But Marge, I think he should learn
about it the same way I did.
Are you sure?
Hmm...
Zoo keeper! Zoo keeper!
Those two monkeys are killing each other.
(whispers) They're having sex.
Oh.
Maybe you're right.
Now if you'll excuse us...
this is a sacred moment between a boy and his father.
Son, a woman is a lot like, um...
a refrigerator.
They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds.
They make ice, and...
Oh, wait a minute.
Actually, a woman is more like a beer.
They smell good, they look good.
You'd step over your own mother just to get one.
But you can't stop at one.
You want to drink another woman.
So I says, "Yeah? If you want that money,
"come and find it,
"'cause I don't know where it is, you baloney.
You make me want to retch."
(snoring)
Hmm, how can I get her to notice me?
Meet me at the tree house, Bart.
And come alone.
(gulps)
Thanks for coming.
(voice cracks) I please to aim.
I'm so happy.
I just had to tell someone.
I have a boyfriend.
You won't be needing this.
(pumping)
(groaning)
A boyfriend?
I really think you'd like him, Bart.
His name's Jimbo.
Jimbo Jones?
(toilet flushing)
-(muffled yelling) -(knocking)
You've been flushing for 20 minutes.
Is there a problem?
Uh... no, Principal Skinner.
Very well. I'll continue to wait.
-(toilet flushing) -(Skinner humming)
(whistling)
(flushing continues)
How can you like that guy?
I don't know, maybe 'cause he's an outlaw.
You know that dead body
they found behind the mayor's house?
Jimbo killed him?
No, but he poked him with a stick.
Hey, Laura, Dr. Tongue has arrived.
That's him, Bart.
-Who's the dork? -Leave him alone.
He's just a kid.
(echoing) Just a kid...
I'll show them who's just a kid.
MARGE: Bart, it's your bedtime.
I laid out your jammy-jams.
(groans)
(growling and chomping)
Dad, if there's a really special girl
and she likes some clod who's beneath her,
what should you do?
I married her.
(chuckles)
Homer, please.
(hiccups) I just had eggs.
Good luck in your trumped-up lawsuit, Dad.
Thanks. That means a lot to me.
All right, you guys, I want you guys in bed before Jimbo gets here.
What do you like about him?
He's just a good-looking rebel who plays by his own rules.
-(sighing) -(sighing)
'Twas a moonless night,
dark as pitch, when out the mist
came a beast more stomach than man.
-Hey! -So I says to me bosun's:
"Batten down the mizzenmast, mateys."
Captain McAllister, isn't it a fact
that you're not a real captain?
-Aye. -(murmuring)
Your Honor, I would like to show the court
just how much shrimp Mr. Simpson ate.
Bring it in, boys.
18,000 letters all addressed to Santa Claus.
You want The People of Springfield v. Kris Kringle.
-That's next door. -Oh.
Mrs. Simpson, isn't it true
your husband once consumed a ten-pound bag of flour
when no other food was available?
-Yes, but it was-- -Your witness.
-Uh, there's a pizza here for-- -Right here.
Mrs. Simpson, what did you and your husband do
after you were ejected from the restaurant?
We... pretty much went straight home.
Mrs. Simpson, you're under oath.
We drove around until 3:00 a.m.
looking for another all-you-can-eat fish restaurant.
(excited murmuring)
And when you couldn't find one?
We went fishing.
(sobbing)
Did these sound like the actions of a man
who had all he could eat?
-Not at all! -No!
That could have been me.
Homer, I've a proposition for ye
fair and true.
Come on, Marge.
Let the people see your pretty face.
Come see Bottomless Pete,
nature's cruelest mistake.
Come for the freak,
stay for the food.
WOMAN: Oh, he's hideous.
MAN: I heard they shaved a gorilla.
Hey, baby, my shirt's chafing me.
Mind if I take it off?
Well... okay.
I got to do something.
Hmm.
But it says "Good for one free beer at Moe's."
This is Moe's tavern, isn't it?
No. This is Bo's Cavern.
Give me my beer.
Stupid welcome-mobile.
I knew it would ruin me.
(phone ringing)
Just a sec, I'll check.
Uh... Amanda Huggenkiss?
Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss.
Why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
(loud laughter)
Maybe your standards are too high.
You little S.O.B.!
If I ever find out who you are
I'm gonna shove a sausage down your throat
and stick starving dogs in your butt.
My name is Jimbo Jones
and I live at 1094 Evergreen Terrace.
Aha! Big mistake, pal!
I knew he'd slip up sooner or later.
Ah, yes. Rusty and dull.
Barney, don't steal
any beer while I'm gone.
What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for?
(gasps)
Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray.
-(slurping) -Ah.
(grunting)
(maniacal laughter)
MOE: Let's see, where is that map?
Evergreen Terrace... There it is, F-5.
(maniacal laughter continues)
I don't believe it.
Now my pants are chafing me.
(shouts)
All right. Who's Jimbo Jones?
I am.
You just made your second mistake, buddy boy.
Please, dude, don't hurt me.
Oh, man!
-(crying) -That's your outlaw?
I wasn't really going to kill ya. I was just going to cut ya.
(sobbing)
Aw, forget it.
Ouch! I better go check on Barney.
(slurping)
Uh-oh, my heart just stopped.
Ah! There it goes.
(grunting)
-(loud thud) -Ow!
Stupid wishing well.
Jimbo, I don't think
we should see each other anymore.
You're just not the guy I thought you were.
(sniffling) Can I have my shirt back?
(blows nose)
Well, Bart, you were right about him.
As usual, a knife-wielding maniac
has shown us the way.
You know, if you were only old enough
to grow a bad teenage moustache,
I'd go out with you in a second.
Wow.
Hello. I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle.
First name... (whispers)
Ivana.
Ivana Tinkle. Just a sec.
Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle!
All right, everybody, put down your glasses.
Ivana Tinkle!
(loud laughter)
Har, har, har.
(laughing)
♪♪
Shh!
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.