1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:14,973 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,394 (bell rings) 4 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,525 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,905 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,418 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,464 (tires screech) 8 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,180 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,893 (horn honks) 10 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,270 (tires screech) 11 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,734 -Aah! -(tires screech) 13 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:24,501 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Live from Springfield Harbor, 14 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:27,128 {\an8}where the sewage meets the sand... 15 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,880 {\an8}(coughing and snorting) 16 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,759 {\an8}It's "The Springfield Squares." 17 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,764 {\an8}Now, Jacqueline, I believe it's your turn. 18 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:40,767 {\an8}I'll take Rainier Wolfcastle to block. 19 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,644 {\an8}Oh, Rainier Wolfcastle, star of "McBain" 20 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:45,772 {\an8}and the upcoming film "Help, My Son is Nerd." 21 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,691 {\an8}My son returns from a fancy east coast college 22 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:52,237 {\an8}and I'm horrified to find he's a nerd. 23 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,405 {\an8}Ha ha ha! I'm laughing already. 24 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,908 {\an8}-It's not a comedy. -Oh. 25 00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,660 {\an8}Attention. This is the coast guard. 26 00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:01,830 {\an8}A 50-foot tidal wave is heading this way. 27 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:04,415 {\an8}All game shows off the beach. 28 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:05,583 {\an8}(yelling) 29 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:06,751 {\an8}(screaming) 30 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,795 {\an8}Everybody up here to my square. 31 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:11,297 {\an8}It's safe and it's sexy. Oh, baby. 32 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:13,883 {\an8}Hurry, Charlie. 33 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,927 {\an8}There is not much time. 34 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,720 {\an8}I ain't going nowhere. 35 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,640 {\an8}I been in this square purt' near 30 seasons 36 00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,183 {\an8}and I ain't a-leaving now. 37 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:23,434 Aah! 38 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:24,686 {\an8}He's dead now. 39 00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:27,438 {\an8}(laughing) 40 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,777 {\an8}Did you see that? 41 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,487 {\an8}-Yeah. -What's Gabbo? 42 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,823 {\an8}I figure it's some guy's name. 43 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,575 {\an8}Some guy named Gabbo. 44 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:41,494 Hmm. 45 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:43,746 I don't think they're giving you 46 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,540 enough information, Dad. 47 00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,916 I'll figure it out. 48 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,003 I'm going to use all the power of my brain. 49 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,631 (flies buzzing) 50 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,094 Look, Smithers. Gah-bo is coming. 51 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,470 Ah, yes, sir. 52 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:05,435 Everyone is saying Gabbo this and Gabbo that, 53 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:09,480 but no one is saying worship this and Jericho that. 54 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,191 What's this about Gabbo? 55 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,778 I can't believe it-- 56 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,739 Our first glimpse of Gabbo. 57 00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,240 He'll tell us what to do. 58 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,285 (drum roll) 59 00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:24,537 Hello. I'm Gabbo. 60 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,080 And I'm Arthur Crandall. 61 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,874 That's easy for you to say. 62 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,918 You don't have a hand up your tuchus. 63 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,920 Oy! Hey! 64 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,547 Oh, Gabbo, you'll say anything. 65 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,925 And you can watch us every afternoon at 4:00. 66 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,928 (gasps) That's the same time as Krusty the clown. 67 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,888 Uh-oh. That cute little character 68 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,723 could take America by storm. 69 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:45,850 All he needs is a hook. 70 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,311 I'm a bad wittle boy. 71 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,520 Ay, caramba! 72 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:52,106 (upbeat music plays) 73 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:53,775 ♪ You're gonna like me ♪ 74 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,401 ♪ You're gonna love me ♪ 75 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,404 ♪ 'Cause I can do most anything ♪ 76 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,114 ♪ I can do the hully gully ♪ 77 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,534 ♪ I can imitate Vin Scully ♪ 78 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,495 (imitating Vin Scully) Let's take time out from this triple play 79 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:09,415 to talk about Farmer Dan's pure pork sausages. Mm-mmm. 80 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,125 ♪ I'll give out shiny dimes ♪ 81 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,379 ♪ I'll travel back in time ♪ 82 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:18,424 ♪ You're gonna like him ♪ 83 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,134 ♪ You're gonna love him ♪ 84 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,764 ♪ It's the greatest show ♪ 85 00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:30,520 ♪ In town ♪ 86 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,188 ALL: Gabbo! 87 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,443 Eh, that dummy doesn't scare me. 88 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,320 I've had plenty of guys come after me, 89 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,822 and I've buried them all-- 90 00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:43,449 Hobos, sea captains, Joey Bishop. 91 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,326 Don't forget the Special Olympics. 92 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,828 Oh, yeah. 93 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,038 I slaughtered the Special Olympics. 94 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,290 (chuckling) 95 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,874 Are those our ratings? 96 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,042 Let me see. 97 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,961 I lost to Channel Ocho? 98 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:57,213 What the hell is that? 99 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,549 Dos huevos, por favor. 100 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:00,633 Ai! 101 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,719 Oh, que lastima. 102 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,930 (laughs) I got to steal that bit. 103 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,351 This is boring. 104 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:11,811 I wonder what would happen 105 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,146 if you put your train on there. 106 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,901 BART & MILHOUSE: Cool. 107 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,320 Now let's throw some crud on it. 108 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:22,947 Hey, it's 4:00. 109 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,992 (fanfare plays) 110 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:28,494 So, you want ventriloquism, do you? 111 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,204 All right, watch this. 112 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:33,041 Hello, Alphonse. I've got a riddle for you. 113 00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:35,293 Why is a raven like a writing desk? 114 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,795 I don't know. Why is a... 115 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,089 (screaming) 116 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,008 Hey, the dummy can't hurt you. 117 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:43,259 He's not even alive. 118 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,303 He's dead. 119 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:47,513 (screaming) 120 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,393 (screaming) 121 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,062 Oh. 122 00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:59,233 All right. Here's the deal. 123 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:03,404 Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40. 124 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,156 MAN: Checks will not be honored. 125 00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,033 QUIMBY: I admit I used the city treasury 126 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,035 to fund the murder of my enemies, 127 00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:13,122 but as Gabbo would say, "I'm a bad wittle boy." 128 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,208 (crowd cheering) 129 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,338 Well, kids, 130 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:22,423 this is where you would watch "Itchy & Scratchy," 131 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,301 except they're on "The Gabbo Show" now. 132 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,930 So here's eastern Europe's favorite cat-and-mouse team-- 133 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,265 "Worker and Parasite." 134 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,517 (goofy laughing) 135 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:36,813 (speaking European language) 136 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,654 (speaking European language) 137 00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,538 What the hell was that? 138 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,425 Well, that's it. 139 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,135 We've been canceled. 140 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:10,221 I think we can be proud that we never did a bad show. 141 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,472 Except for that week 142 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,599 Ray Jay Johnson was my co-host. 143 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,934 ♪ You can call me Ray ♪ 144 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,936 ♪ And you can call me Jay... ♪ 145 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:21,107 Ooh! That thing was funny for about three seconds. 146 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,985 But the important thing is we're like a family. 147 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,446 -Krusty, I-- -Shut your hole! 148 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:32,201 (doorbell playing "Theme from the Tonight Show") 149 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,453 Krusty, how you holding up? 150 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:36,205 Well, I'm kind of worried about the future. 151 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,040 How do you deal with it? 152 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,959 Well, you've been on TV longer than I have. 153 00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:42,003 I'm sure you've saved up quite a nest egg. 154 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,921 Uh, yeah. 155 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,465 Do they still buy human hair 156 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,216 down at the wig shop? 157 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,928 (grunting) 158 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,263 Krusty, you want to stay for dinner? 159 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:53,514 Nah, sorry. 160 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,016 Oh, that's too bad, 161 00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:57,059 'cause tonight my guests will be Dr. Carl Sagan, 162 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,145 and from the San Diego Zoo, Joan Embree. 163 00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:00,313 (drum roll) 164 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:04,192 Oh, Kyle, I just don't think 165 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,277 I fit in here at Melrose Place. 166 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,156 From now on, I'll be doing the thinking for both of us. 167 00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:13,409 -(horn blows) -MAN: Next! 168 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:17,371 ("Call to the Post" playing) 169 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:18,956 Come on, you stupid horse! 170 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,292 I got my last ten bucks on you. 171 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:24,086 No, don't look at me. 172 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,213 Run! 173 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,256 No, don't come over here. 174 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,759 (groans) Oh, boy. 175 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,597 And now it's time for another patented 176 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,766 Gabbo Crank Call. 177 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,184 Oh, I love these. 178 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,352 I can't believe it. 179 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,187 He stole this bit from Krusty. 180 00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:43,731 Yeah, well, Krusty stole it from Steve Allen. 181 00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:46,108 Oh, everything's stolen nowadays. 182 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,944 Why, the fax machine is nothing 183 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,738 but a waffle iron with a phone attached. 184 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,240 It's ringing. 185 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,534 Hello. Is this Krusty the clown? 186 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,619 {\an8}KRUSTY: Is this the callback for that porno film? 187 00:08:56,702 --> 00:09:00,081 Look, I was a little nervous that day, but I'm all man. 188 00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:02,124 I can assure you. 189 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,127 No, I represent a Japanese camera company. 190 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,213 We'd like to pay you two million dollars 191 00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:08,673 to do a camera commercial. 192 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:11,676 KRUSTY: Whoa! Me rikie vely much. 193 00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,886 Oh, I hope I didn't offend you. 194 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,638 I need this bad. 195 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:18,057 Bad enough to hit yourself over the head with the phone? 196 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,850 KRUSTY: Oh, you got it. 197 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,269 (Krusty yells) 198 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:23,020 Ooh, blood. 199 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,939 (laughter) 200 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,150 KRUSTY: What the-- Oh. 201 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,735 If this is anyone but Steve Allen, 202 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,821 you're stealing my bit. 203 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,114 Somebody ought to ruin Gabbo's career 204 00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:34,699 the way he ruined Krusty's. 205 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,659 Two wrongs don't make a right, Bart. 206 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:37,952 -Yes, they do. -No, they don't. 207 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:39,287 -Yes, they do. -No, they don't. 208 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,496 -Yes, they do. -Dad! 209 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,707 Two wrongs make a right, Lisa. 210 00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,667 Ah, Rex Morgan, M.D. 211 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,253 You have the prescription for the daily blues. 212 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,299 We'll be back after this commercial 213 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,633 for Gabbo Airlines. 214 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,802 And... cut. 215 00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,554 That ought to hold the little S.O.B.s. 216 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,264 Gabbo, quiet. 217 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,600 Oh, I wouldn't want to offend the little S.O.B.s. 218 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,809 I wish you'd stop saying that. 219 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,020 Hmm. 220 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,646 (chuckling) 221 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,648 Hey, boy-o. What's so funny? 222 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:08,899 Well, it's-- 223 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,151 Nah, you wouldn't be interested. 224 00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:11,277 It's too low-brow. 225 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,695 No, I'm quite low-brow. 226 00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,822 Well, somebody just wrote a bawdy limerick 227 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,282 on the men's room wall. 228 00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:17,241 This I got to see! 229 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:23,956 All the kids in Springfield are S.O.B.s. 230 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,501 Gabbo's kind of language has no place on or off TV, 231 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,503 and that's my two cents. 232 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,091 That ought to hold those S.O.B.s. 233 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,343 What the-- 234 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:39,722 (gasps) 235 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,098 Oh, no. 236 00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:45,144 Krusty, are you making any money? 237 00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:48,272 Nah. That guy's giving it away for free. 238 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,317 ♪ The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be ♪ 239 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,069 ♪ Ain't what she used to be ♪ 240 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,403 ♪ Ain't what she used to be... ♪ 241 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,574 (groans) 35 years in show business, 242 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,578 and already no one remembers me, just like... 243 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,039 what's his name and whoozits, 244 00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:08,334 and, you know, that guy... always wore a shirt. 245 00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:10,169 -Ed Sullivan? -Yeah. 246 00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:12,838 I didn't know you knew Luke Perry. 247 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,175 Know him? He's my worthless half-brother. 248 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,010 He's a big TV star. 249 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,304 Yeah, on Fox. 250 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,432 Elizabeth Taylor. 251 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,518 Bette Midler. 252 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,353 Bette and I owned a racehorse together-- 253 00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,813 Krudler. 254 00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,981 Hey, Bart, if we get all these big stars 255 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,650 to appear on a special with Krusty, 256 00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,610 it might get his career going again. 257 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,033 Here's my address book. 258 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,827 Go get those stars. 259 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,246 It won't be easy, 260 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:50,543 but I'm going to claw my way back onto TV. 261 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:53,504 ♪ The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be ♪ 262 00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:55,297 ♪ Ain't what she used to be ♪ 263 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,049 ♪ Ain't what she used to be... ♪ 264 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:00,094 ANNOUNCER: And now, the crazy old man singers. 265 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:03,013 CHORUS: ♪ The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be ♪ 266 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,598 ♪ Ain't what she used to be... ♪ 267 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,190 Miss Midler, I can't believe 268 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,984 you do this all by yourself. 269 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,111 We're Americans. We deserve clean highways. 270 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,157 You pigs! 271 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:24,869 Oh, no. 272 00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:26,328 Bette Midler. 273 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,497 (grunts) 274 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,291 (tires screeching) 275 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:31,792 (loud crash) 276 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:34,628 Now where were we? 277 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,005 We were asking you to appear 278 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,507 on Krusty's comeback special. 279 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,676 Okay. Tell Krusty he can count me in. 280 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:48,017 It's time to take out the trash. 281 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:53,189 MAN: I'll get you for this, Midler! 282 00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,235 MAN: And off to your left 283 00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,362 is Hugh Hefner's Shelbyville pad. 284 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,364 A lot of people know about the grotto 285 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,492 -and the game room. -Of course. 286 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,036 But few know about the laboratory-- The biosphere. 287 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,205 The alternative energy research center. 288 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,210 Fascinating. 289 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,508 Desalinization plant? 290 00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,760 Yes. The grotto uses so much water. 291 00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:24,678 The bunnies felt we should go this way. 292 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:26,055 {\an8}Smart bunnies, Hef. 293 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,348 {\an8}I can call you Hef, can't I? 294 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:28,307 No. 295 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,938 You told our agent this place holds 30,000 people. 296 00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:36,440 It does. We had 30,000 here last night. 297 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,526 Now play! The audience is getting restless. 298 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:42,196 We want Chili Willy. We want Chili Willy. 299 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,157 Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, 300 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,367 would you guys like to appear 301 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,285 on a Krusty the clown special? 302 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,079 Sure, if you can get us out of this gig. 303 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,581 No problemo. Hey Moe, look over there! 304 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,166 What? What am I looking at? 305 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,876 I don't see nothing. 306 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,795 I'm gonna stop looking soon. 307 00:13:57,878 --> 00:13:59,797 What? What, is that it? 308 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,549 Hey, Moe, can I look too? 309 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,342 Sure, but it will cost you. 310 00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:04,635 My wallet's in the car. 311 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,388 He is so stupid. 312 00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:08,681 And now back to the wall. 313 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,187 (humming) 314 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:17,398 Miss Taylor, a couple of grade school kids 315 00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:19,066 wanted you to be on a Krusty special. 316 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,110 I told them to buzz off. 317 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,194 Good. 318 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,738 (humming) 319 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:25,990 (banging door) 320 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,908 Krusty, we've got great news. 321 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,159 BOTH: Ahhh! 322 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,538 (groaning) 323 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,374 Krusty, what have you done to yourself? 324 00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:36,834 I thought I'd get into shape 325 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,169 so I've been drinking nothing but milk shakes. 326 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,964 -You mean those diet milkshakes? -Uh-oh. 327 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,382 Now you can stay with us 328 00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:44,633 until you lose that weight. 329 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,926 You can sleep on the sofa. 330 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,386 It folds right out. 331 00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:49,597 (groaning) 332 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,974 (grunting) 333 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,767 Oh, wait. That was the old sofa. 334 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,354 (cat screeching) 335 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,403 Oh, I'll never get my aim back. 336 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:05,613 You got to keep working on it. 337 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:08,574 Ahh! 338 00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,576 (screaming) 339 00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,953 Mmm... delicious. 340 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,291 Oh, why am I bothering? 341 00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:18,667 It's hopeless. 342 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,879 Hi, kids. It's me. Gabbo. 343 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,797 (laughing) 344 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,592 (grunting) 345 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,347 Pork prices rose in early trading today. 346 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,765 (grunting) 347 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:42,483 But you've got to come back, Mel. 348 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:43,484 We're a team. 349 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:44,860 No, Krusty. 350 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,654 You always treated me rather shabbily. 351 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,573 On our last show, you poured liquid nitrogen down my pants, 352 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,533 and cracked my buttocks with a hammer. 353 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,576 Oh, come on. 354 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:53,911 Do you want to waste your life 355 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:55,913 hanging out with a bunch of dorky teenagers? 356 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,665 Here's your taco, mister. 357 00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:58,666 Whoops. 358 00:15:58,749 --> 00:15:59,667 It fell in the fryer. 359 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:00,668 I'll get it out. 360 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:04,630 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 361 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:06,507 Sorry, Krusty, I like it here. 362 00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:08,717 Mr. Johanssen treats me with dignity. 363 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,511 Is this clown bothering you, Mel? 364 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:11,929 That's all right, Mr. Johanssen. 365 00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,681 I'll handle it. 366 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:14,682 Here's your taco, sir. 367 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:15,933 I don't want it. 368 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,351 But this comes out of my salary. 369 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,436 If I had a girlfriend, she'd kill me. 370 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,314 MAN: Okay, Krusty, let's rehearse the balloon bit. 371 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:24,400 Look, kids! 372 00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:27,528 A horsey! 373 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:29,989 And what are you making, Sideshow Luke Perry? 374 00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,826 A 19th century carousel. 375 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:39,248 (yelling) Upstage me, will you! 376 00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,791 Get the hell out! 377 00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:43,502 Look, there must be something I can do on the show. 378 00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:45,629 Please, for Mom's sake. 379 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:48,924 Well, maybe we can find something. 380 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:52,428 (screaming) 381 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,224 (evil laughing) 382 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:05,607 I don't like it. 383 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,151 He's got Johnny Carson, Bette Midler, 384 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,569 and Hugh Hefner. 385 00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:09,737 What do we got? 386 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,530 Ray Jay Johnson. 387 00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:15,075 Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi. 388 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,495 Now boys, the network has a problem 389 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:19,955 with some of your lyrics. 390 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,623 Would you mind changing them for the show? 391 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,250 Forget you, clown. 392 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:24,793 Hey, our lyrics are like our children, man. 393 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,253 No way. 394 00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,338 Well, okay. But here where you say, 395 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,758 "What I got you got to get and put it in you." 396 00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:34,011 How about just, "What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss you." 397 00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:37,014 Wow. That's much better. 398 00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,682 Everyone can enjoy that. 399 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,350 ANNOUNCER: Live from Springfield, 400 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,186 the entertainment capital of this state, 401 00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,730 the Krusty Komeback special. 402 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:50,611 ♪ Send in... ♪ 403 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:54,615 ♪ The clowns ♪ 404 00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:59,828 ♪ Those daffy, laughy clowns ♪ 405 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,832 ♪ Send in those soulful and doleful ♪ 406 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:09,713 ♪ Schmaltz-by-the-bowlful clowns ♪ 407 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:16,011 ♪ Send in the clowns... ♪ 408 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,513 (sobbing) 409 00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:23,811 ♪ They're already ♪ 410 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:28,941 ♪ Here ♪ 411 00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:31,735 (audience applauding) 412 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:35,823 I love you, Krusty. 413 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,407 Quiet. 414 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,037 (drum roll) 415 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,165 Are you comfortable in there, Luke Perry? 416 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,500 Fire away, Krusty. 417 00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:47,417 (loud blast) 418 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,628 (Luke yelling) 419 00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:51,630 (loud crashing) 420 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,177 LUKE: Ow, my face! My valuable face! 421 00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,096 Hmph. 422 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:02,349 (sighs) 423 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:07,396 -(explosion) -(Luke yelling) 424 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:09,731 (chuckling nervously) 425 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:10,774 Ay... 426 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:15,112 ♪ Give it away, give it away, give it away now ♪ 427 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,656 ♪ Give it away, give it away give it away now ♪ 428 00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:20,534 ♪ I can't tell if I'm a kingpin or a pauper ♪ 429 00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:22,077 Dancing around in their underwear. 430 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,246 That is so degrading. 431 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,415 30 seconds till your Little Stinker sketch. 432 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,041 Give me a bigger lolly. 433 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,377 Now, Johnny, what do you got for us? 434 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,462 Some jokes? A little magic? 435 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,882 Actually, I thought I'd lift this 1987 436 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,633 Buick Skylark over my head. 437 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,095 Hi-yo! 438 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,430 Johnny, that's amazing. 439 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,098 Oh, yeah? Get a load of this. 440 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,851 (singing aria from "Carmen") 441 00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:58,822 (playing music from "Amahl and The Night Visitors") 442 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,077 I've got to fire that agent. 443 00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:06,914 (piano striking up) 444 00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:12,127 ♪ Did you ever know that you're my hero? ♪ 445 00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:19,218 ♪ You're everything I would like to be ♪ 446 00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:26,642 ♪ You can fly higher than an eagle ♪ 447 00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:31,480 -♪ 'Cause you are the wind ♪ -♪ 'Cause I am the wind 448 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:35,525 -♪ Beneath my wings ♪ -♪ Beneath your wings ♪ 449 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:37,444 (sobbing) 450 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:46,328 This was a great show, Krusty. 451 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,788 You deserve an Emmy for this. 452 00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:48,914 Forget it. 453 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,123 The academy hates me. 454 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:51,792 I don't know why. 455 00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:53,752 Bunch of old know-nothing dinosaurs 456 00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:55,921 wouldn't know entertainment if it bit them in the-- 457 00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:58,215 Hey, hey! 458 00:20:58,298 --> 00:21:00,968 (people chattering) 459 00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:03,136 (bell clanging) 460 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,680 (buzzing) 461 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,308 Now, Krusty, I just hope you remember 462 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:10,018 to save your money this time. 463 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,813 Here's that ruby-studded clown nose you ordered, Krusty. 464 00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:15,774 (crying) 465 00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:16,733 Ay... 466 00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:17,609 -What's up, Moe? -Hey, Moe. 467 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:18,819 -Hey, Moe. -Hey, Moe! 468 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:21,113 Hey. You can't come in here dressed like that. 469 00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:23,031 Get with the times, Moe. 470 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:26,285 Yeah. I say if it feels good, do it. 471 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,077 All right. 472 00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,622 (laughing) 473 00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:31,999 Don't snap my undies. 474 00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:34,543 I'm a star again. 475 00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:36,837 I don't know how to thank you, kids. 476 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,338 {\an8}That's all right, Krusty. 477 00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:40,757 {\an8}We're getting 50 percent of the t-shirt sales. 478 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:41,883 What?! 479 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,385 That's the sweetest plum! 480 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:45,262 You little... 481 00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:47,055 Ahh... what the hell. 482 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:48,640 You deserve it. 483 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,100 Thanks, kids. 484 00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:51,560 To Krusty-- 485 00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,729 The greatest entertainer in the world. 486 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,315 Except maybe that guy. 487 00:21:56,398 --> 00:21:59,026 (playing "Good Night, Ladies") 488 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:01,361 Is this the bus to the civic center? 489 00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:04,156 (playing theme from "The Simpsons") 490 00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:14,791 ♪♪ 491 00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:58,085 Shh. 492 00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:03,715 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.