1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,797 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,969 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,806 (whistle blowing) 4 00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,312 (beeping) 5 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,449 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:33,658 (tires screeching) 7 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,870 D'oh! 8 00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:39,289 -Aah! -(tires screeching) 9 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,809 {\an8}Ah, the morning horoscope. 10 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,021 {\an8}"Today will be a day like every other day." D'oh! 11 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,939 {\an8}It just gets worse and worse. 12 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,692 ♪♪ (whistling "Simpsons" theme) 13 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,781 {\an8}Bart, I've asked you not to whistle that annoying tune. 14 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:15,241 {\an8}-Jawohl, mein mommandant. -Why are you so happy? 15 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:19,037 {\an8}Yeah. You kids gotta go to school. I gotta go to work. 16 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,914 {\an8}The only one who has it easy is Marge. 17 00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:22,874 {\an8}(grunting) 18 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,793 {\an8}We're having a field trip today. 19 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:28,046 {\an8}Ah, Lise, won't it be great to cast off the shackles 20 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:31,716 {\an8}of the soul-crushing hellhole that is Springfield Elementary? 21 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,844 {\an8}Oh! I'm sorry. I forgot. 22 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,971 {\an8}Your class isn't going. 23 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:40,850 {\an8}You're right, Bart. School is for losers. 24 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:47,941 "And that's how I cured all disease, ended war, 25 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:51,820 "And reunited the entire cast of TV's Facts of Life, 26 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:54,864 including longtime holdout Tootie." 27 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:59,077 Ohh! Sounds like another Pulitzer for me to polish. 28 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,788 Hush, field trip boy! 29 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:05,625 Impaled on my Nobel Peace Prize. How ironic. 30 00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,627 Yo! Lise! Lise! 31 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,921 {\an8}-Come back, Lise! Come back! -Why? 32 00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:12,382 {\an8}I'm so much happier here. 33 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,261 {\an8}And now, Principal Skinner will tell us 34 00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:18,638 {\an8}where we'll be going on this year's field trip. 35 00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:21,266 {\an8}-Thank you, Edna, everyone. -(clears throat) 36 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:26,229 {\an8}Now, class, I wonder who among you can tell me what this is? 37 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:29,691 {\an8}Oh! Not the box factory again, Seymour. 38 00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:31,276 (all groaning) 39 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:34,904 This may well prove fascinating. 40 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,365 I know. I'll just do like Lisa 41 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,618 and escape into fantasy. 42 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:43,913 Class, instead of going to the box factory today, 43 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,750 we'll be going to the box factory. 44 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,919 Damn TV! You've ruined my imagination, 45 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,505 just like you've ruined my ability to-- 46 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:56,092 to, um-- uh-- 47 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,303 Oh, well. 48 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,346 ♪♪ (cartoon plays) 49 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,728 ♪ Fifty-six boxes of bottles of beer on the wall ♪ 50 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:08,980 ♪ Fifty-six boxes of bottles of beer ♪ 51 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:11,399 ♪ You take one down and pass it around ♪ 52 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:14,152 ♪ Fifty-five boxes of bottles of beer on the wall ♪ 53 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:15,737 (gasps) 54 00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,829 (laughter, chattering) 55 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:28,833 (all groaning) 56 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,877 (tires screeching) 57 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,255 Ho! 58 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:45,058 MAN: The story of how two brothers and five other men 59 00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:49,395 parlayed a small business loan into a thriving paper goods concern 60 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,898 is a long and interesting one. 61 00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:54,609 And here it is. It all began 62 00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:57,862 with the filing of form 637/A-- 63 00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:00,406 the application for a small business or farm-- 64 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:04,077 Many interesting and important things have been put into boxes over the years. 65 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:08,039 Textiles, other boxes, even children's candy. 66 00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:10,833 Do any of these boxes have candy in 'em? 67 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,794 -No. -Will they ever? 68 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,463 No. We only make boxes to ship nails. 69 00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:16,756 Any other questions? 70 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,467 When will we be able to see a finished box, sir? 71 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,720 Oh, we don't assemble them here. That's done in Flint, Michigan. 72 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:23,930 Have any of your workers ever had their hands cut off 73 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:26,224 -by the machinery? -No. 74 00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:28,810 And then the hand started crawling around and tried to strangle everybody? 75 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,521 -No, that has never happened. -Any popped eyeballs? 76 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,190 I'm not sure what kind of factory you're thinking of. 77 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,651 We just make boxes here. 78 00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:40,154 This room is the most popular part of our tour. 79 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,448 It's just like the other rooms. 80 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,868 Yes, but with one important difference. 81 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:49,914 Oh. We took that out. Yes, it is just like the other rooms. 82 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,750 -What's that building over there? -That's just a TV studio 83 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:57,213 where they film Krusty the Clown and other non-box-related programs. 84 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:01,092 Since it has nothing to do with boxes, I'll just shut these blinds. 85 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,678 -(all groaning) -Oh, man. 86 00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:06,222 Now, here's my office. 87 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,642 If you'll direct your eyes to the floor, you'll see a yellow line. 88 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:14,397 Follow it. It will lead you around my desk and back out the door. 89 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,733 SKINNER: Mm-hmm. 90 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:21,279 Mmm. Mm-hmm. 91 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,949 I gotta get out of here. Aha! 92 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,160 The perfect escape. 93 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,997 (grunts) Hmm. 94 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:37,712 Oh! 95 00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,097 Ah! Do you work here, little boy? 96 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,809 -Yeah. -Well, then, go right in, sir. 97 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,145 -Bart! -(chattering, shouting) 98 00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,648 I'll handle this. 99 00:05:57,732 --> 00:06:01,152 Simpson, I'm giving you until the count of three to come out. 100 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:05,114 One! Two! Three! 101 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,992 -I've done all I can do. -We'd better call his parents. 102 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,244 -(phone ringing) -Just a minute! 103 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,330 -Don't hang up! -(dial tone) 104 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,374 (groaning) 105 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,793 No answer at home. I'll call his father. 106 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,963 -(ringing) -Just a minute! Don't hang up! 107 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,925 Y'ello? You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel. 108 00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:26,511 (crowd chattering) 109 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,346 Somebody need a script? 110 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:41,150 -Action! -Ay, ay, ay! No me gusta! 111 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,903 (sighs, British accent) I'm sorry. I'm really not comfortable with this, Ethan. 112 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:44,904 -What's the matter, luv? 113 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:48,199 It's just-- It's-it's the same, old, tired gags, isn't it? 114 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:50,118 I mean, let's give the audience some credit. 115 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,121 -How about a giant mousetrap? -I love it! 116 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,792 -Action! -Ay, ay, ay! No me gusta! 117 00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,169 Ay, es grande! 118 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,380 What do you mean, you lost him? 119 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:05,133 He might have fallen into one of these machines! 120 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,136 Oh, my God! That's his lucky red hat! 121 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:12,181 He's a box! My boy's a box! 122 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,726 Damn you! A box! 123 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,479 ♪♪ (humming) 124 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,191 -I said I wanted a Danish! -I'm sorry. 125 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,403 -All the Danishes are gone. -They're not gone. 126 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:29,407 -You're gone! -Uh-oh. 127 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,826 (muttering) 128 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,370 "Tragic news tonight. 120 dead 129 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:38,082 in a tidal wave in Kuala la-la--" 130 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:42,420 "Pur--" "Kuala Lum-pur--" 131 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,380 -France. -Yoink! 132 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,381 Yoink? 133 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:51,262 -(gasps) -Ah, heck. 134 00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:53,473 Now, where am I gonna get a Danish? 135 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,975 -Here's a Danish, Krusty. -Gimme, gimme, gimme! 136 00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:58,269 (munching) 137 00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:01,022 Now, that's Danish. Where'd you get it? 138 00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:03,399 I stole it from Kent Brockman. 139 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,611 Great! Uh, he didn't touch it, did he? 140 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,488 No. 141 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,698 Good job, kid. What's your name? 142 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:13,242 I'm Bart Simpson. I saved you from jail. 143 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,161 Oh, I-- 144 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:17,455 I reunited you with your estranged father. 145 00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,624 Uh, I don't, uh-- 146 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,877 I saved your career, man! Remember your comeback special? 147 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,421 Yeah, well, what have you done for me lately? 148 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,592 -I got you that Danish. -And I'll never forget it. 149 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,598 Hey, kid. 150 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:41,020 Wow! A big clown hankie. 151 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,022 It's a towel, you yutz! 152 00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:46,484 I want you to wash it. You're my new assistant. 153 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,402 Cool! 154 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,658 Yeah, I know I'm on. But I don't care. 155 00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,285 I don't read the news until I get my Danish. 156 00:08:56,369 --> 00:09:00,498 Go ahead. Try to find a replacement. Aah! 157 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:05,294 A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur has killed 120 people. 158 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,089 Ay, Chihuahua! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 159 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:15,513 Marge, I have some horrible, bone-chilling news! 160 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:18,266 -(gasps) What is it? -Hi, Homer. 161 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,935 -Oh, nothing. -Hey. 162 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:23,062 That's my lucky red hat sittin' on top 163 00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,439 of a double-corrugated, eight-fold, 14-gauge box. 164 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:29,360 Oh, it sounds like you really learned something on your field trip. 165 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:32,446 Think you'd be interested in a career as a box maker? 166 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,324 Well, that'll always be the dream. 167 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,411 But for now, I got a job in the show business. 168 00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:41,122 From now on, I'll be helping Krusty the Clown after school. 169 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:44,166 Mmm, I don't know, Bart. You're only 10. 170 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:47,086 {\an8}I've got a weekend job helping the poor, and I'm only eight. 171 00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:49,463 (scoffs) That's not a job. It's a waste of time. 172 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:52,008 What can poor people pay you? Nothin'! 173 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,885 What satisfaction do you get from helping them? None! 174 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,847 Who wants to help poor people anyway? Nobody! 175 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,518 So, anyway, can I, Mom? 176 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,353 -Can I take the job? -Well-- 177 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,481 Why not? I remember my first after-school job. 178 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,359 I was in a band. 179 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,904 Hello, everybody. I'm Archie Bell, and I'm also the Drells. 180 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:18,492 We got a new song called "Tighten Up," and this is the music you tighten up with. 181 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,536 (groaning, muttering) 182 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,121 Hey, whatsa matter, you? 183 00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,999 You crazy kid, you chasing away my business. 184 00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:28,377 -Buzz off, Giuseppe. -Pepe, go for the face! 185 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,379 -(screeching) -(screaming) 186 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,549 -♪♪ (continues) -Help! Aah! 187 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,219 Yes, son. You can have an electric guitar 188 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,430 just like your old man. 189 00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:41,724 Dad, I'm asking if I can get a job. 190 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:46,562 Gig, son. When you're a musician, a job is called a gig. 191 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:51,442 Wow. Being in show business is like a dream. 192 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,569 We're really lucky, aren't we? 193 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,864 -I wish I was dead. -Don't listen to him, kid. 194 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,075 This is a dream factory. 195 00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:02,411 The birthplace of magic and enchantment. 196 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,163 Now I need you to go clean out my toilet. 197 00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,459 Right in here, boy. If it-- Ooh! 198 00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:11,420 I don't know what I was thinking last night. 199 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,339 This'll take you a couple hours. 200 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:15,925 I'm tellin' ya. I do work on the Krusty show. 201 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,552 -Look at the credits. -Bye-bye, kids! 202 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:22,473 -(chuckling) -(children cheering) 203 00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:24,642 I'm Kent Brockman. On the 11:00 news tonight, 204 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:27,436 a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. 205 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,355 We won't tell you which one until after sports 206 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,482 and the weather with funny Sonny Storm. 207 00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:34,610 There's my name, right there-- Bart Simpson. 208 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:38,239 Looks more like "Brad Storch." 209 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,907 No, it says, "Betty." 210 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:43,369 -"Betty Symington." -(grunts) 211 00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,871 That's for taking credit for other people's work. 212 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,206 Oh! 213 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:51,669 It's okay, son. Who cares what a bunch of fourth-graders think? 214 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:56,549 You're doing what you want to do with your life. Nothin' else matters. 215 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:59,260 Thanks, Dad. That's great advice. 216 00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:02,054 Yep. Well, that's what got me where I am today. 217 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,807 -Oh. -There, there. 218 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:13,607 {\an8}-Would you sign my picture, Krusty? -Sure, kid. Get in line. 219 00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:19,238 (groaning) 220 00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:22,199 -I love you, Krusty! -Over there. 221 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:26,078 -Okay, kids, open your books to page 60-- -(cell phone ringing) 222 00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:29,665 Yes, Krusty? 223 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,668 Bart, I need to get your fingerprints on a candlestick. 224 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,379 Meet me in the conservatory chop-chop. 225 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,799 Don't worry. Everything's gonna be all right. 226 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,134 Oh! 227 00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:43,095 I wish I was dead. 228 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,605 Aah! There's cheese in this sandwich! 229 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,565 Surely you know I'm lactose intolerant! 230 00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:57,109 -Sorry. -Sorry? 231 00:12:57,193 --> 00:13:00,112 Do you know how sick this is going to make me? (groans) 232 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,616 Oh, boy. Come stand next to the bathroom door. 233 00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:06,202 I want to yell at you some more. (groans) 234 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,913 Why, you little rapscallion-- 235 00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:12,750 -Oh, show business sucks. I'm outta here. -(shouting continues) 236 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:16,962 The most hideous child I have ever witnessed! 237 00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,885 Bart! I need to use you in a sketch. 238 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,596 -You want me to be on the show? -It's just one line. 239 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,015 -Mel's supposed to say it, but he's dead. -Dead? 240 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,975 Or sick. I don't know. I forget. 241 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,771 Anyway, all you gotta do is say, "I am waiting for a bus." 242 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,565 Then I hit you with pies for five minutes. Got that? 243 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,985 -"I am waiting for a bus." -Makes me laugh. Let's go. 244 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,696 -(buzzer sounds) -(applause) 245 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,532 ♪♪ (vaudeville) 246 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:50,746 I am waiting for a-- Whoa! 247 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,499 -Ooh! -Aah! 248 00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:01,590 -I didn't do it. -(laughter, applause) 249 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,680 (cheering, hooting) 250 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:10,933 Oh, man. It's a miracle we got through that one. 251 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,811 Remind me never to let you on stage again, kid. 252 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,438 Some people got it, some people don't. 253 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,275 And you, my young friend, do not have-- 254 00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,652 Hold on. I wanna finish this thought outside. 255 00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:23,070 -It's that kid! -(cheering) 256 00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:26,782 It's the "I didn't do it" guy! 257 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:30,411 He's mine! I own him and all the subsidiary rights! 258 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,039 {\an8}♪♪ 259 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,794 Why, this rickety ladder in front of this door 260 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:43,591 is the perfect place for this priceless Ming vase. 261 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,802 Eh? Eh? 262 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,596 I didn't do it. 263 00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:50,598 (laughter, applause) 264 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,769 Thank you. Thank you. 265 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,731 And now, the I Didn't Do It Dancers! 266 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:01,025 ♪♪ (dance) 267 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:07,823 Don't move, dude. This is totally a gun. 268 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,534 -(alarm sounding) -I didn't do it. 269 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:14,997 -(both laughing) -And then the boy says the thing-- 270 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,917 -(gasps) -Honey! 271 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,337 (gasps) Joe, how could you? 272 00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,464 I, uh, didn't do it. 273 00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:25,549 (all laughing) 274 00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,722 Help! Help! 275 00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:33,933 This is the third time that this building has burned down 276 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,560 because someone has been smokin' in bed. 277 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,103 TOGETHER: I didn't do it. 278 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,898 (all laughing) 279 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,484 Help me! 280 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:46,403 This biography of Bart came out awfully quickly. 281 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,573 -It's not even about him. -Sure it is. Look at the cover. 282 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,700 But inside, it's mostly about Ross Perot, 283 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,787 and the last two chapters are excerpts from the Oliver North trial. 284 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:58,916 Ah, Oliver North. He was just poured into that uniform. 285 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,918 (groaning) 286 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,713 ♪♪ ("U Can't Touch This") 287 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,674 I didn't do it. 288 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,803 I didn't do it. 289 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,888 (grunts) 290 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,682 Hey, proper. 291 00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:19,436 (excited chattering) 292 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:27,903 I have to pay to see my own grandson! 293 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,947 That's the democrats for ya! 294 00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:35,494 See the boy! Five dollars! Or call him 24 hours a day on Bartchat. 295 00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:39,123 BARNEY (on phone): Bartchat. 296 00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:41,792 -Are you Bart? -Sure, I am. 297 00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:46,213 -I didn't do nothin'. -Uh, isn't it, "I didn't do it"? 298 00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,674 Yeah, whatever. (belches) 299 00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:58,475 Um, I never thought I'd say this, but shouldn't we be learning something? 300 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,728 Say the line, Bart. 301 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,480 {\an8}(groans softly) I didn't do it. 302 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,358 ALL: Yay! 303 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,944 Come on, Lisa. Say somethin' funny. 304 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,989 -Like what? -Oh, somethin' stupid like Bart would say. 305 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:14,783 Bucka bucka, or woozle wozzle. Somethin' like that. 306 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,453 Forget it, Dad. If I ever become famous, 307 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:20,539 I want it to be for something worthwhile, not because of some obnoxious fad. 308 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:24,334 -Obnoxious fad? -Ah, don't worry, son. 309 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:27,129 You know, they said the same thing about Urkel. 310 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:29,965 That little snot boy. I'd like to smack that kid! 311 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,846 What the hell are you reading books for? 312 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,931 I'm doing the Conan O'Brien Show, 313 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,808 and I wanna have some intelligent stuff to talk about. 314 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,894 Don't forget to say, "I didn't do it." 315 00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:44,605 Dad, there's more to me than just a catchphrase. 316 00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:48,650 -How do you figure, boy? -Watch the Conan O'Brien Show. You'll see. 317 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,986 All right. But after Leno, I'm all laughed out, you know. 318 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,030 ♪♪ (theme) 319 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,908 You know, Conan, I have a lot to say. 320 00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,577 I'm not just a one-line wonder. Did you know 321 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:02,664 that a section of rain forest the size of Kansas is burned every single-- 322 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,793 -Just do the line. -I didn't do it. 323 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,711 (laughter, applause) 324 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,922 (chuckling) Great material. 325 00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:12,841 -We'll be right back. -♪♪ (theme) 326 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:19,723 -Sit perfectly still. Only I may dance. -(groaning) 327 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,684 "Just do the line." "Just do the line." 328 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,728 (exhales) What's gonna happen to me? 329 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:30,901 MALE ANNOUNCER: And now, it's time for Match Game 2034, 330 00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:32,820 with Billy Crystal. 331 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:35,864 -Hey! -Farrah Fawcett-Majors- O'Neal-Varney. 332 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,909 -(grunts) -The "I Didn't Do It" Boy. 333 00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:42,538 -(grunts) -Ventriloquist Loni Anderson. 334 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,873 -Ooh! -Spike Lee. 335 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,000 -(groans) -And the always lovely 336 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:50,170 and vivacious head of Kitty Carlisle. 337 00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:53,924 Hi, everybody! Let's start the game! 338 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:56,802 -(hisses) -Aah! 339 00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,555 -(yelling) -(yelling) 340 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:00,806 (knocking on door) 341 00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:03,100 MARGE: Bart, it's time to get ready for the show. 342 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,060 No! 343 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,937 -Where's that little punk? -(orchestra tuning) 344 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:10,357 We go on in 10 minutes. Oh, the tension. 345 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,442 Somebody! Walk on my back! 346 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,862 ALL: Huh? 347 00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,947 -(crowd clamoring) -Ow! Oh-- Ow! 348 00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:19,533 One at a time! No Teamsters! 349 00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,870 Honey, I know you feel a little silly 350 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,747 saying the same four words over and over, but you shouldn't. 351 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:29,710 You're making people happy, and that's a very hard thing to do. 352 00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:34,464 You're right, Mom. I shouldn't let this bother me. 353 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:38,343 I'm in television now. It's my job to be repetitive. 354 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:41,138 My job. My job. 355 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,515 Repetitiveness is my job. 356 00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:48,103 I am gonna go out there tonight and give the best performance of my life. 357 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,688 The best performance of your life? 358 00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:51,773 The best performance of my life. 359 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,276 Where is that lousy little pisher? 360 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,987 Bart! Mwah! 361 00:19:57,070 --> 00:20:00,324 -♪♪ (theme) -And now, boys and girls, 362 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:04,536 here he is, the boy that says the words you've been longing to hear 363 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:09,291 like the salivating dogs that you are, Bart Simpson! 364 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:10,792 ♪♪ (fanfare) 365 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,252 I didn't do it. 366 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:16,131 -(weak chuckle) -(clears throat) 367 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,760 -I didn't do it. -(cricket chirping) 368 00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:26,016 (muttering) I don't know. 369 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,476 Woozle wozzle? 370 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,187 -What the-- -(all muttering) 371 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,689 That's what passes for entertainment these days? Woozle wozzle? 372 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:35,359 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the clown show 373 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:37,361 has been put on hiatus for retooling. 374 00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:42,532 -What happened? -Oh, don't worry about that. 375 00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,409 You're just finished, that's all. 376 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,370 -Finished? -It happens all the time. 377 00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:48,538 That's show business for you. 378 00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,791 One day, you're the most important guy who ever lived. 379 00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:52,960 The next day, you're some schmo 380 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:55,963 -working in a box factory. -I heard that! 381 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:59,299 Boy, show business is kind of cruel, isn't it? 382 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,593 (latch locking) 383 00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,095 (groaning) 384 00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:09,601 {\an8}RADIO DEEJAY: And that was "Kung Fu Fighting." 385 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,103 Say, speaking of one-trick ponies, 386 00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,397 whatever happened to that "I didn't do it" kid? 387 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,607 DEEJAY 2: Boy, did that get old fast. Whoa! 388 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:18,402 You know, if you wanna last in this business, you gotta stay fresh. 389 00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:20,654 -(honking horn) -(silly sound effects) 390 00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:24,825 (grunts) I saved these for you, Bart. 391 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:27,160 You'll always have them to remind you of the time 392 00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:30,414 when you were the whole world's special little guy. 393 00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:33,375 -Thanks, Mom. -And now you can go back to just being you 394 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,461 instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase. 395 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,047 -D'oh! -Ay, caramba! 396 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,799 -(groaning) -(sucking) 397 00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,759 -Hidilly-ho! -(belches) 398 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:44,886 -Ha-ha! -Excellent. 399 00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:53,145 If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. 400 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,774 HOMER: What kind of catchphrase is that? 401 00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:03,780 {\an8}♪♪ 402 00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:47,949 Shh! 403 00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:54,289 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.