1 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:05,588 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,885 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,639 (whistle blowing) 4 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,812 (beeping) 5 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,449 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,451 (tires screeching) 7 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:37,078 D'oh! 8 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,372 -Aah! -(tires screech) 9 00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:01,186 {\an8}-I need one 29-cent stamp. -That's $1.85. 10 00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,980 {\an8}-I want $2.00 worth of gas, please. -$4.20. 11 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,024 -(bell dings) -How much is your penny candy? 12 00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:09,444 -Surprisingly expensive. -MARTIN: What a rip-off! 13 00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:12,030 -(door chimes) -This is what I think of your store! 14 00:01:12,113 --> 00:01:14,157 -(grunting) -(door chimes) 15 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,576 {\an8}Silly customer! 16 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:19,245 {\an8}You cannot hurt a twinkie! 17 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:24,250 {\an8}(sniffing) 18 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:27,670 {\an8}Jiminy Cricket! Whoo! Expired ham. 19 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:35,220 {\an8}Well, this time I've gone too far. No. No one will fall for-- 20 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,222 {\an8}Woo-hoo! Cheap meat! 21 00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:40,308 {\an8}Ooh, this one's open. (gobbling) 22 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:49,025 {\an8}-Ooh! Stomach churning! -(stomach grumbles) 23 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,194 {\an8}Bowels clenching. 24 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,613 {\an8}-Not much time. -(thuds) 25 00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:56,741 Must finish. (gobbles) 26 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:59,119 (alarm blaring) 27 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:03,373 Well, sir, Homer's illness was either caused by ingesting spoiled food 28 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:07,043 or some sort of voodoo curse. 29 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,420 Hey, we've just been working the eyes. 30 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:14,259 -(door chimes) -Your old meat made me sick! 31 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,846 Oh, I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp. 32 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:22,433 (sniffing) This shrimp isn't frozen, and it smells funny. 33 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,477 -Okay. Ten pounds. -Whoo-hoo! 34 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,855 (alarm blaring) 35 00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:28,857 (barking) 36 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:36,948 -MAN: Brought to you by-- -(barking continues) 37 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:43,121 That dog can sell anything. 38 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,831 Good evening. Here's an update on last week's 39 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:47,250 nursing-home exposé, "Geezers in Freezers." 40 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:50,253 It turns out the rest home was adequately heated. 41 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:53,631 The footage you saw was of a fur-storage facility. 42 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:57,802 We've also been told to apologize for using the term "geezers." 43 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,848 Now, coming up next, "The case of the cantankerous old geezer." 44 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,933 -Ohh! Urp! -(stomach grumbles) 45 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,437 Rancid meat attack! Stupid parasites! 46 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,898 Is there no way I can find justice? 47 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:13,234 {\an8}If you have a consumer complaint, just call this number. 48 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,319 Boring. 49 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,404 Dad, you should blow the whistle on the Kwik-E-Mart. 50 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:19,324 BROCKMAN: And now a message from the Church of Latter-Day Saints. 51 00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:21,159 (dog barking) 52 00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:25,038 -Dad, are you listening to me? -Shh! Lisa! The dog is barking. 53 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,752 All right. Are you willing to go undercover to nail this creep? 54 00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:35,340 No way, man! No way, man! Get yourself another patsy, man! 55 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,717 No way am I wearin' a freakin' wire. 56 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,761 All right, all right, all right. Would you be willing to wear 57 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,430 -a hidden camera and microphone? -Oh, that I'll wear. 58 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,559 We've come up with a camera so tiny 59 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,102 it fits into this oversized novelty hat. 60 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,355 (groaning) 61 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,732 Now go get us some incriminating footage. 62 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:55,443 And remember, you have to get in and out in 10 minutes, 63 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:58,696 -or you'll suffer permanent neck damage. -He's not kiddin'. 64 00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:02,283 (groaning) 65 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:05,495 (footsteps clattering) 66 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,455 (door chimes) 67 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:15,004 -Huh? -Don't be alarmed, Apu. 68 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,841 Just go about your daily routine like I'm not wearing the hat. 69 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,387 Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir. 70 00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,389 Perhaps you have a bee in your bonnet. 71 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:28,434 Bee? (screaming) 72 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:31,521 (panting) 73 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:35,191 Homer, that hat's been with the station for 20 years. 74 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,610 He had one day left till retirement. 75 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,070 ♪ La la la la la ♪ 76 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,614 Well, time to replenish the hot-dog roller. 77 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,574 ♪ La la ♪ Oops! 78 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,580 Oh, no. It is encrusted with filth. 79 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:52,417 Oh, well. Let's sell it anyway. 80 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:57,922 Now, this is just between me and you, smashed hat. (chuckling) 81 00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,550 Hot diggety dog! We've got him, Mr. Simpson. 82 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,303 Now, let's-- Mr. Simpson? 83 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,847 One hot dog, please. 84 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,933 (dog barking on TV) 85 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:11,519 Apu, will you ever stop selling spoiled meat? 86 00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:15,023 No. I mean, yes. I mean-- Uh-oh. 87 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:19,277 -I think I come off very well. -Monster! Run, children! 88 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,112 (panicked shouting) 89 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,239 Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, 90 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,575 you have disgraced the Kwik-E-Mart corporation. 91 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,036 But, sir, I was only following standard procedure. 92 00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:30,413 Ah, true. But it's also standard procedure 93 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,875 to blame any problems on a scapegoat or sacrificial lamb. 94 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,544 Uh-huh. And if I can obtain for you these animals? 95 00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,963 I'm sorry, Apu. I have no choice. 96 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:42,091 {\an8}-You can no longer wear this name patch. -(gasps) 97 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,845 {\an8}And you can no longer tell people about our fried pickles. 98 00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:49,432 Now, turn in your pricing gun. 99 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,392 Oh! 100 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:55,938 The other one too. 101 00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:05,531 Oh! Fired after all these years of loyal service. 102 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,493 -I don't want to live anymore! Oh! -Give me that wiener! 103 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,037 -No! I don't want to live, sir! -Give me that wiener! 104 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,247 -(grunting) -No, Apu! It's not worth it! 105 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,750 What do I do now? 106 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:20,505 I've been drummed out of my profession. I'm a disgrace. 107 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:25,009 Even this babbling brook sounds almost like mocking laughter. 108 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,804 (laughter) 109 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,390 Who needs money when we got feathers? 110 00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:37,647 (chittering) 111 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:38,981 Hmm. 112 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,113 (thunderclap) 113 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:48,533 This is all because of Homer Simpson. 114 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:51,702 -(laughing) -(laughter on TV) 115 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,788 Oh, oh, stop! 116 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:56,874 Yo, check this out. Black guys drive a car like this. 117 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,544 -♪♪ (scatting) -(audience laughing) 118 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:03,881 Yeah, but white guys, see, they drive a car like this. ♪♪ (scatting) 119 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:09,470 -(laughter, applause) -It's true! It's true! We're so lame. 120 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:12,223 It is time to settle the score. 121 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,478 Huh? 122 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,481 (thunderclaps continue) 123 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:23,234 Aah! 124 00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:25,278 (screaming) 125 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,949 (screaming) 126 00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:33,578 No! Don't kill me! I didn't know there was film in that camera in that hat! 127 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:36,706 I was unaware! I was unaware! 128 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:39,375 Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me. 129 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,670 In my village, this is the traditional pose of apology. 130 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:45,756 -Oh. -You know, now that I think about it, 131 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,425 it may be a little confusing. 132 00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:49,385 Many have died needlessly. 133 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:53,222 I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing. 134 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,267 But then I realized it was I who wronged you. 135 00:07:56,350 --> 00:08:00,021 So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service. 136 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:01,772 You're selling what now? 137 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:06,027 I'm selling only the concept of karmic realignment. 138 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,487 You can't sell that! 139 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,363 Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. 140 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:13,493 -He's got me there. -(metal scraping) 141 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:17,538 -HOMER: Is he still out there? -Yes. He's raking leaves. 142 00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,624 What? That's your job! 143 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,918 If he starts doing Lisa's wood chopping-- 144 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,754 If he wants to make it up to you so badly, I think you should let him. 145 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:29,091 Okay, okay. I'll let him. But then I get a Chipwich. Okay? 146 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,595 It is an honor to begin repaying my debt to you. 147 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:35,598 Back in Rahmatpur, I was considered quite the gourmet. 148 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:39,560 {\an8}Hmm. It certainly is exotic. 149 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,188 {\an8}-(panting) -Oh, Lisa, is that too spicy for you? 150 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:44,273 I can see through time. 151 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,609 (gulping) Stop being such babies. 152 00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:48,945 You can't be afraid to try new things. 153 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:52,865 For instance, tonight I'm using a-- Apu, what do you call this thing again? 154 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:56,953 -A napkin. -(chuckling) Outrageous! 155 00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:00,957 All right. Why do you want to become a part 156 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,500 of the Kwik-E-Mart family? 157 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,210 Because I like people, 158 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:06,212 and I need a place where I'll be out of the sun. 159 00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:08,464 -Thank you. -(belches) 160 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,800 Hmm. He's head and shoulders above everyone else. 161 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,886 -Wait. There's one more applicant. -Name? 162 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,556 -James Woods. -Previous job experience? 163 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:22,061 Ooh, uh, gee, True Believer, uh, Salvador, Onion Field, The Hard Way. 164 00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:24,522 Wait-wait a minute! Those aren't convenience stores. 165 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,982 that sounds like the resume of a Hollywood movie star. 166 00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:27,483 Uh, yeah, well-- Hmm. 167 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,069 (both gasp) James woods! 168 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,405 Why would you want to work at a Kwik-E-Mart? 169 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:35,825 (chuckles) Well, uh, to be honest, in my upcoming movie... 170 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:38,536 I'm gonna be playing this tightly wound convenience-store clerk, 171 00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:42,164 and, you know, I kinda like to research my roles and really get into it. 172 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:45,751 For instance, True Believer. I actually worked in a law firm for two months. 173 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:48,170 And in the film Chaplin-- I had a little cameo in that-- 174 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,882 I actually traveled in time back to the '20s where-- 175 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:55,344 -Well, (chuckles) I've said too much. -Welcome aboard. 176 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,889 ♪♪ (humming) 177 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:01,309 Hm? Hm? Hm? Hm? 178 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,269 -Good morning, sir. -(screams) 179 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:07,398 Relax, please. You do not have anything I have not seen before. 180 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:11,986 -What the-- -Uh, I like to keep a lollipop there. 181 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,824 -♪ La la la la ♪ -(groans) 182 00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:19,535 Apu, we usually store our cans in the cupboard. 183 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,370 Well, they'll never move that way. 184 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,873 Mmm! Corn! Haven't had that in a while. 185 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:26,417 Yeah! Delicious corn. 186 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:29,003 -TOGETHER: Bye. -Hm. 187 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:33,007 Oh, we're low on milk for Maggie. You wanna come with me to the Kwik-E-Mart? 188 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,176 Please, Mrs. Simpson. 189 00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:39,764 I-- I cannot go there. That is the scene of my spiritual depantsing. 190 00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:43,976 Umm, well, I guess we could go to that new Monstromart. 191 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,856 ♪♪ (Muzak) 192 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:56,989 {\an8}Ooh! That's a good price for 12 pounds of nutmeg. 193 00:10:57,073 --> 00:11:01,452 Ooh! Great selection and rock-bottom prices. But where is the love? 194 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:03,579 MAN (on P.A.): Attention Monstromart shoppers. 195 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,248 Just a reminder that we love each and every one of you. 196 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,502 -(shoppers) Aww! -Hm! 197 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:15,424 Excuse me, ma'am. Where are the lampshades? 198 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,552 -Ma'am? -(liquid pouring) 199 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:21,347 Oh! I've killed her! 200 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,557 It's all happening again! 201 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:27,603 -(sobbing, screaming) -Mm-hmm. 202 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,983 (both gasp, scream) 203 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,069 Help me! Help me! 204 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:38,447 (gurgling) Mmm! It's cran-tastic! 205 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:45,579 Uh, Mrs. Simpson, the express line is the fastest line not always. 206 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:49,125 That old man up front, he is starved for attention. 207 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,085 He will talk the cashier's head off. 208 00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:55,381 Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. 209 00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:58,759 In 1957, I remember it was. 210 00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:03,556 I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. 211 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:08,352 I set the toaster to three-- medium brown. 212 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:11,355 -Let's go to... that line. -But that's the longest. 213 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:16,068 Yes, but look-- all pathetic single men. Only cash, no chitchat. 214 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,529 (rapid cash-register sounds) 215 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,616 Mmm! 216 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,786 Seventy-five, 85, 90 and a dollar. 217 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,788 Thank you and come again. Hey, wait a minute! Hey! 218 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:31,751 Uh, eh, could I just ask you a question? 219 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:36,464 Did you-- huh! Did you believe that? I mean, the way I gave you the change? 220 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:41,135 Did I sound like a real Kwik-E-Mart, you know, kinda guy? 221 00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:44,180 Actually, I thought it was a little labored. 222 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:47,183 You gotta lose yourself in the moment, man. 223 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:50,644 Yeah. Like-- Yeah! Great. Okay. Let-let's just try that again. Okay? Come on. 224 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:54,607 Hey. Come on. Hey-ey-ey! Hey, get over here! Okay. Now, you're you, I'm me. 225 00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:59,320 -I'm me? -Hey, don't jerk me around, fella. 226 00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,739 (all gobbling, gulping) 227 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:05,117 -Pass the chutney. -Apu, you've been so helpful. 228 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:08,496 If it weren't for him, we'd still be in line at the Monstromart. 229 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:12,708 -And he taught me how to play the shehnai. -♪♪ (shrill notes) 230 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,878 (shudders) That's even worse than the album Grampa released. 231 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:19,006 And he taught me how to do this. (grunting) 232 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:22,426 I got out of school, 'cause I told 'em I was mangled in a car wreck. 233 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:26,055 -Thank you all for the kind praise. -Well, you deserve it. 234 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:30,643 All these vegetables are really clearing the cholesterol out of the old heart. 235 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:33,062 (beating) 236 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:35,189 (electrical crackling) 237 00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:39,443 (slowly) Ahh. Apu friend me good. 238 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:43,364 I think what my father's saying is you're like a member of the family now. 239 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:47,993 I feel that way too. You see, whether igloo, hut or lean-to... 240 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,329 or a geodesic dome, 241 00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:54,667 there's no structure I have been to which I'd rather call my home. 242 00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,752 Hello. Aah! 243 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,296 ♪ When I first arrived you were all such jerks ♪ 244 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:02,800 ♪ But now I've come to love your quirks ♪ 245 00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,718 ♪ Maggie with her eyes so bright ♪ 246 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,096 ♪ Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright ♪ 247 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,473 ♪ Lisa can philosophize ♪ 248 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,475 ♪ Bart's adept at spinning lies ♪ 249 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,686 ♪ Homer's a delightful fella ♪ 250 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:17,314 -♪ Sorry 'bout the salmonella ♪ -Heh-heh! That's okay. 251 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:20,150 -Aah! -♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart ♪ 252 00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,653 ♪ Now here's the tricky part ♪ 253 00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:26,740 ♪ Oh, won't you rhyme with me ♪ 254 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,826 ♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart ♪ 255 00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,911 ♪ Their floors are sticky-mart ♪ 256 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,080 ♪ They made Dad sicky-mart ♪ 257 00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:35,499 ♪ Let's hurl a bricky-mart ♪ 258 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,501 ♪ The Kwik-E-Mart is real-- ♪ D'oh! 259 00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:42,923 ALL: ♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart ♪ 260 00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:46,176 -♪ Not me ♪ -♪ Forget the Kwik-E-Mart ♪ 261 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:48,387 ♪ Good-bye to Kwik-E-Mart ♪ 262 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:51,098 ♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart ♪ 263 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:52,725 ♪ Not me ♪ 264 00:14:56,812 --> 00:15:01,859 Ahh. Everything really wrapped up nicely. Hmm. Much quicker than usual. 265 00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:05,029 I guess we've learned that happiness is wherever you find it. 266 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:09,909 And we've all found happiness, every one of us. 267 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,161 -(Apu crying) -(TV clicks on) 268 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,040 Hey, what's that sound? 269 00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:19,251 (crying continues) 270 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:23,756 ♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart ♪ 271 00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:28,761 ♪ I do ♪ 272 00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:33,432 Hey, he's not happy at all! He lied to us through song! 273 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,476 I hate when people do that! 274 00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:43,317 I can't lie to myself, you know. I do miss my Kwik-E-Mart. 275 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,945 {\an8}Isn't there anything you can do to get your job back? 276 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:49,406 I must go to the head office and appeal my case. 277 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,075 I'm coming with you! 278 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:54,328 I got you fired. It's the least I can do. 279 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,372 Well, the least I can do is absolutely nothing. 280 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:59,708 But I'll go you one better and come along. 281 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,211 -But, sir, the head office is in India. -Okay. 282 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:06,298 -Dad, that's over 10,000 miles away. -I'm aware of that! 283 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,884 -That's over 16,000 kilometers. -D'oh! 284 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:24,566 I'm sorry we couldn't take a cab, but I spent my last dollar on the plane tickets. 285 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,443 -HOMER: Are we in India yet? -APU: No. 286 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,153 -Are we in India yet? -No. 287 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,363 -Are we in India yet? -No. 288 00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:31,198 -Are we in India yet? -No. 289 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:33,867 Oh, wait... now we are. 290 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,247 T-Tony, T-Tony, y-you're my agent. 291 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:40,499 You have to do something about this. 292 00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:43,252 Uh! How can it be the same movie if they've changed my character 293 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:47,673 from a tightly wound convenience-store clerk to a jittery Eskimo firefighter? 294 00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:51,385 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. 295 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:54,805 Well, actually, that's-- that's a pretty good explanation. 296 00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:57,558 Now this is gross-- this'll be gross points, right, on this new-- okay. 297 00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:00,519 Yeah, 'cause those monkey-- yeah. Okay. Great. Okay. Look. Book me a flight, 298 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:02,980 rent me an igloo, and tell those dorks at the Kwik-E-Mart 299 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,398 that, boom, I am out of here. 300 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:08,318 I'm a dot. I'm gone. Okay? What do you mean, I gotta give two weeks notice? 301 00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:11,989 Why, you damn, frickin', no good mother-- (beeping) cheese! 302 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:13,824 No, not you. I'm just talkin' to my oven. 303 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:20,205 ♪ If you're saved and you know it clap your hands ♪ 304 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,583 ♪ If you're saved and you know it clap your hands ♪ 305 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,753 -♪♪ (continues, indistinct) -Oh, great. Christians. 306 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:29,923 MAN: Attention, passengers. Dinner is now being served in the dining car. 307 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:32,801 (all clamoring) 308 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:42,936 (both panting, grunting) 309 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,605 -Ooh-ooh! -There she is. 310 00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:49,401 There she is, the world's first convenience store. 311 00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:55,532 -This isn't very convenient. -Must you dump on everything we do? 312 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:56,992 (bell chimes) 313 00:17:58,619 --> 00:17:59,620 (bell chimes) 314 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,415 ♪♪ (Indian Muzak) 315 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:07,419 He is the benevolent, enlightened president and C.E.O. 316 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,214 of Kwik-E-Mart, and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart. 317 00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:13,342 -(slurping) -He is the one I must ask for my job back. 318 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,469 Approach, my sons. 319 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,139 (slurping continues) 320 00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:22,226 You may ask me three questions. 321 00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,686 That's great, because all I need is one. 322 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,397 -Are you really the head of Kwik-E-Mart? -Yes. 323 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,649 -Really? -Yes. 324 00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:30,275 -You? -Yes. 325 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,320 I hope this has been enlightening for you. 326 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,572 -But I must-- -Thank you. Come again. 327 00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:37,658 -But-- -Thank you. Come again. 328 00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:40,702 Well, that was a big bust. 329 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,830 Is he really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart? 330 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:45,165 -(angry groan) -No need to apologize, Apu. 331 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:48,460 It was as much my fault as it was yours. 332 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,420 -(growling) -(gagging) 333 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:54,424 Okay, Apu! I accept your apology. 334 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,385 (both screaming) 335 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:58,929 TOGETHER: Dad! Dad! 336 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,430 What'd you bring us? What'd you bring? 337 00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:03,517 -How did it go? -Fine! Oh, I mean, not good. 338 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:08,147 {\an8}I'm sorry, Apu. But remember-- ♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart ♪ 339 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,524 Do you mind? I'm not in the mood. 340 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:13,485 Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, 341 00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,530 I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another... 342 00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:19,533 until you just wish Flanders was dead. 343 00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:23,287 Yes, yes. You are right, sir. I've got to accept my fate. 344 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,747 I have feared it for long enough now. 345 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:29,626 I'm going to go down to the Kwik-E-Mart, and I am going to face my demon! 346 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,754 Oh, that'll work out great! We're out of Lucky Charms. 347 00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:43,056 -(door chimes) -(delighted gasp) 348 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:46,602 Ah, my old Squishee machine. 349 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,273 And my scum bucket with flies. 350 00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:56,028 {\an8}And the hot-check list. 351 00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:59,948 Hey, hey, you're Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, aren't ya? I mean, you're the-- 352 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:03,202 God, you're-- you're like the guy! You're a legend around here. 353 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:07,080 Can I ask you-- is it true you once worked 96 hours straight? 354 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:10,125 Oh, yes. It was horrible, I tell you. 355 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,836 By the end, I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind. 356 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,505 Oh, yeah! You know, I studied your old security tapes. 357 00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:19,218 Fee-ee-ee-ee. 358 00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:22,679 Fee-ee-ee-ee. 359 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,348 In a few minutes, 360 00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,725 I try to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head. 361 00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:30,103 All right, you! Hand over the cash, and don't try any funny stuff! 362 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:34,983 Hey, pal. I assure you. If I tried any funny stuff, you would be in hysterics. 363 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,153 -Hey, you're James Woods! -Oh, thank you. Yes, yes. Thank you. 364 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,448 Well, Mr. Woods, your new song is gonna be 365 00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:43,909 -number three with a bullet. -(gun cocks) 366 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,494 -Uh, I'm not a singer. -Shut up! 367 00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:50,707 -(frightened gasp) -No! 368 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,295 {\an8}-Apu! -Oh! 369 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:58,048 {\an8}The searing kiss of hot lead. 370 00:20:58,131 --> 00:21:02,219 {\an8}How I've missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying. 371 00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:04,513 {\an8}-Uhh. -Oy. 372 00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:07,474 (Dr. Hibbert chuckling) 373 00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:10,060 Well, you are a very lucky man, Apu. 374 00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:12,896 You see, the bullet ricocheted off another bullet 375 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:16,275 that was lodged in your chest from a previous robbery. 376 00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:19,069 Apu, you saved my life. 377 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:21,530 And as a small token of my appreciation, 378 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:25,033 I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart. 379 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,327 Oh! Oh, Mr. Woods, you're-- 380 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:31,540 but as for me, I'm off to battle aliens on a faraway planet. 381 00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:36,837 -That sounds like a good movie. -Yes. Yes, a movie. Yes. 382 00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:42,217 Hey, let's all hug Apu. 383 00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:45,053 -SIMPSONS: Aww. -Ooh! 384 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:52,269 Hey, there's still time. Let's hug him again. 385 00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:55,439 -Aww. -Mm! 386 00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:03,739 {\an8}♪♪ 387 00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,116 Shh! 388 00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:54,623 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.