1 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,339 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,590 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,719 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:11,928 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:30,905 {\an8}SMITHERS: Attention. All workers trudge immediately to the main yard 6 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,658 for the mandatory worker of the week award festivities. 7 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:37,537 Clean. Clean. Pistol. Uzi. 8 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,872 Two kids posing as an adult. 9 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,665 -Oh, hey, Homer. -Hey! 10 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,669 (chittering) 11 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:47,422 {\an8}I hate these Worker of the Week award ceremonies. 12 00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:48,923 {\an8}Who even cares anymore? 13 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,383 {\an8}Everyone that works here has already got one. 14 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,011 {\an8}Except for-- 15 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,971 {\an8}(footsteps approaching) 16 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,266 {\an8}Hello. Well, today's the day for Homer J. 17 00:00:58,349 --> 00:01:00,560 {\an8}I know I'm gonna win this time. 18 00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:03,229 {\an8}-Yeah? How come? -Union rule 26. 19 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,941 {\an8}"Every employee must win worker of the week at least once, 20 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,818 {\an8}"regardless of gross incompetence, 21 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,321 {\an8}obesity or rank odor." (chuckles) 22 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:12,947 {\an8}SMITHERS: Attention everyone. 23 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:16,785 {\an8}Let's have an awed hush, please, for Mr. Burns. 24 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:19,996 {\an8}-(crowd gasps) -Compadres, it is imperative 25 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,748 {\an8}that we crush the freedom fighters 26 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,958 {\an8}before the start of the rainy season. 27 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:26,920 {\an8}And remember, a shiny new donkey 28 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:29,714 {\an8}for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. 29 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,133 -(whispering) -Hmm? What? Oh. 30 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,760 And by that I mean, of course, 31 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:36,387 it's time for the Worker of the Week award. 32 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,723 I can't believe we've overlooked this week's winner 33 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,725 for so very, very long. 34 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:44,104 We simply could not function without his tireless efforts. 35 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:47,941 So, a round of applause for... 36 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:50,276 this inanimate carbon rod. 37 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,445 (cheering, whooping) 38 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,697 (grumbling) 39 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,407 Inanimate, huh? 40 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,952 I'll show him inanimate! (shouts) 41 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:04,499 (blows raspberry) Stupid carbon rod. 42 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:07,043 It's all just a popularity contest. 43 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,796 Wow! Did you actually get to see the rod? 44 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:13,633 -I'm sorry, Homie. -Nobody respects me at work. 45 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,593 Well, we respect you. 46 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:18,221 (Lisa, Bart laughing) 47 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,682 Bart, I told you. Don't draw on your father's skull. 48 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,475 (chuckling) 49 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,477 What? What does it say? I wanna see. 50 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,564 -(grunting) -(all laughing) 51 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,277 (grunting continues) 52 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:36,364 (muttering) 53 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,200 (grunting continues) 54 00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:43,454 Ah, TV respects me. 55 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:46,207 It laughs with me, not at me. 56 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:50,003 You stupid-- (laughing) 57 00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:53,548 -D'oh! -It's a lovely day for a launch here, 58 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:55,008 live at Cape Canaveral 59 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:56,885 at the lower end of the Florida peninsula. 60 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,137 And the purpose of today's mission is truly, 61 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,388 really electrifying. 62 00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,223 That's correct, Tom. 63 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,766 The lion's share of this flight will be devoted 64 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,476 to the study of the effects of weightlessness 65 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,520 on tiny screws. 66 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,980 Unbelievable. And just imagine 67 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,690 the logistics of weightlessness. 68 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,317 Of course, this could have literally millions 69 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,027 of applications here on earth 70 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,654 in everything from watchmaking to watch repair. 71 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:17,864 Boring. 72 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,782 Oh, no! The batteries! 73 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,784 Now let's look at the crew a little. 74 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,703 They're a colorful bunch. 75 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,079 They've been dubbed the Three Musketeers. 76 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,165 (chuckling) 77 00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,459 And we laugh legitimately. 78 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,045 There's a mathematician, a different kind of mathematician, 79 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,171 and a statistician. 80 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,131 Make it stop! (shouting) 81 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,258 No, not another boring space launch. 82 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:38,968 Change the channel! Change the channel! 83 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,261 I can't! I can't! 84 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,639 (grunts) 85 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,015 (both sigh) 86 00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,562 Sir, we've run into a serious problem with the mission. 87 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,106 These Nielsen ratings are the lowest ever. 88 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,108 Oh, my God! 89 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:57,528 We've been beaten by "A Connie Chung Christmas"! 90 00:03:57,612 --> 00:04:00,198 People, we're in danger of losing our funding. 91 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:03,534 America isn't interested in space exploration anymore. 92 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,703 Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret-- 93 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:09,123 That all the chimps we sent into space came back superintelligent. 94 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:12,919 No, I don't think we'll be telling them that. 95 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:16,047 (chittering) 96 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,800 We need a fresh angle to get the public interested. 97 00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,301 The public see our astronauts as 98 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,971 clean-cut, athletic go-getters. 99 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,013 They hate people like that. 100 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,182 Well, who do they like? 101 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:30,144 Here are the most popular personalities on television or "TV." 102 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:33,356 I did it! I supercharged my riding mower! 103 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,526 (grunting) 104 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:37,777 (screams) 105 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:40,238 Oh, no! I've killed Wilson! 106 00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:42,740 Looks like it's back to jail for me. 107 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,284 (grunting) 108 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:48,746 Al, let's have sex! 109 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,748 Uh, no, Peg. 110 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,543 (audience laughing, applauding) 111 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,548 (flushes) 112 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,259 (audience whooping, cheering) 113 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,598 Why, they're all a bunch of blue-collar slobs. 114 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:11,269 People, that's who we need for our next astronaut. 115 00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:13,187 I suggest a lengthy, inefficient search, 116 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,605 at the taxpayers' expense, of course. 117 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:17,317 I wish there was an easier way. 118 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,776 (ringing) 119 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,778 -HOMER: Hello, is this NASA? -Yes. 120 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:24,615 Good. Listen. I'm sick of your boring space launches. 121 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,951 I'm just an ordinary, blue-collar slob, 122 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,203 but I know what I likes on TV. 123 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,456 -How did you get this number? -Shut up! 124 00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:35,126 And another thing, how come I can't get no Tang around here? Also-- 125 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:36,627 Hold on a second. 126 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,504 (toilet flushes) 127 00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:43,926 People, our long search is over. 128 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:49,682 Hello, is this President Clinton? Good! 129 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:52,852 I figured if anyone knew where to get some Tang, it'd be you. 130 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:53,895 Shut up! 131 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,438 -Excuse me. -(screams) 132 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,482 Are you the person that called NASA yesterday? 133 00:05:57,565 --> 00:05:59,317 (gasps) No, it wasn't me! I swear! 134 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,236 -It was... him! -(gulping) 135 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,907 Sir, how would you like to get higher than you've ever been in your life? 136 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:09,410 -Be an astronaut? Sure. -Well, welcome aboard. 137 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,537 I think you'll find that this will win you the respect 138 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:12,997 of your family and friends. 139 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,875 (gasps) Respect? No! 140 00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:17,043 It was me! I made the crank call! 141 00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:18,961 I do it all the time! 142 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:22,215 Check with the F.B.I.! I have a file! I have a file! 143 00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:24,425 Eh, better take both of them. 144 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,804 I don't really think that was necessary. 145 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,181 -They wanted to be astronauts. -I know. 146 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,268 ♪♪ (hillbilly music plays) 147 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,530 Ladies and gentlemen and members of the press, 148 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:49,367 I'd like to present the new generation of NASA astronaut-- 149 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,494 the average American. 150 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,204 (reporters chattering) 151 00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:54,705 Jim Wallace, Associated Press. 152 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,916 (clears throat) Is this a joke? 153 00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,960 (chuckles) Well, far from it, Jim. 154 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,212 One of these men will prove space travel 155 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,798 is within the reach of the common man. 156 00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,675 Toby Hunter, Minneapolis Star. 157 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,344 No, really, is this a joke? 158 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,179 No, Toby! 159 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,349 And no more questions about whether this is a joke. 160 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,310 (reporters groan) 161 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,354 Uh, question for the barbecue chef. 162 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,231 Don't you think there is an inherent danger 163 00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:23,067 in sending under-qualified civilians into space? 164 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,485 I'll field this one. 165 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,612 The only danger is if they send us 166 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:30,158 to that terrible Planet of the Apes. 167 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:32,743 Wait a minute. Statue of Liberty. 168 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,829 That was our planet! 169 00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:37,498 You maniacs! 170 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:40,001 You blew it up! 171 00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,336 Damn you! 172 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,964 Damn you all to hell! 173 00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:48,509 (sobbing) 174 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,512 (Barney burps, groans) 175 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,723 Thank you. I'm afraid that's all we have time for. 176 00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:57,393 Now, of course, only one of you 177 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,438 will be chosen to go into space. 178 00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:03,149 So the next few weeks will be a grueling series of tests 179 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,985 to determine which one of you is most qualified. 180 00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:08,196 Oh, and, Mr. Gumble, for the duration of the training, 181 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:09,655 there'll be no more beer. 182 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,408 What? Three whole weeks with only wine? 183 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:16,370 -I'll go crazy! -And may the best man win. 184 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,456 He's got a big drinking problem. Could embarrass the program. 185 00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,750 Meet me up in that tree later, and I'll tell you more. 186 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:24,253 Wow, my father, an astronaut. 187 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,131 I feel so full of-- 188 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,342 -What's the opposite of shame? -Pride? 189 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:31,469 No, not that far from shame. 190 00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:33,429 -Less shame? -Yeah. 191 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,307 You know, Homer, when I found out about this, 192 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,726 I went through a wide range of emotions. 193 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:42,522 First I was nervous, then anxious, then wary, 194 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:46,692 then apprehensive, then kind of sleepy, 195 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,654 then worried and then concerned. 196 00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:51,572 But now I realize that being a spaceman 197 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,115 is something you have to do. 198 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,158 Who's doing what now? 199 00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,204 Well, here I am, right on time. I don't see... 200 00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,747 Barney "Let's crash the rocket into the White House 201 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,832 and kill the president" Gumble. 202 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,085 Actually, he's been here since sunrise. 203 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:05,795 (grunting) 204 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,381 Hi, Homer. Since they made me stop drinking, 205 00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:10,091 I've regained my balance and diction. 206 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:11,968 Observe. 207 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:14,011 ♪ I am the very model of a modern major general ♪ 208 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,347 ♪ I've information vegetable animal and mineral ♪ 209 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:19,183 Aw, that's nothing. Watch this. 210 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,851 There once was a man from Nantucket, who-- 211 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,228 (shouting, groaning) 212 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:26,023 (shouting) 213 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,986 (shouting continues) 214 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,200 (shouting) 215 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,703 POPEYE'S VOICE: I can't stands no more! 216 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,957 (panting) 217 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,585 (slurping) 218 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,087 Mmm. Mediciney. 219 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:57,471 I wager 400 quatloos on the newcomer. 220 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,769 Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet the two experienced astronauts 221 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,188 who will accompany the winner into space. 222 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,525 Race Banyon and Buzz Aldrin, the second man on the moon. 223 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,527 Second comes right after first. 224 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,868 So, Barney, we hear you're kickin' ass. 225 00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:24,123 (clearing throat) I, uh, don't think this contest is over yet, Buzz, 226 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:26,042 if that is your real name. 227 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,835 I believe there is still a little something called 228 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:29,879 the swimsuit competition. 229 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:33,215 There's no swimsuit competition, Homer. 230 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,093 You mean I shaved my bikini zone for nothing? 231 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,596 (grunting) 232 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:41,557 Gentlemen, you've both worked very hard. 233 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,726 And in a way, you're both winners. 234 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:47,188 But in another more accurate way, Barney is the winner. 235 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,481 Mmm. 236 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:50,358 Congratulations, Barney. 237 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,443 That's very gracious of you, Homer. 238 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,528 Please join us in a toast. 239 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,822 BOTH: To the mission! 240 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:03,120 It begins! (shouts) 241 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,790 -Give me that! -Stop him! 242 00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,667 Barney, no! Give me that bottle! 243 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,293 No! No! No! 244 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,714 ♪♪ (vocalizing) 245 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,132 Hey! 246 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,134 (humming) 247 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,135 -Uh-oh. -(engine sputtering) 248 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,970 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 249 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,474 (grunts, groans) 250 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:24,934 I don't understand it. 251 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,186 That was non-alcoholic champagne. 252 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:28,729 (sighs) 253 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:32,358 Well, Homer, I guess you're the winner by default. 254 00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,485 "De fault"! Whoo-hoo! 255 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:37,196 The two sweetest words in the English language. 256 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,157 De fault, de fault, de-- (shouts) 257 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,243 -Where'd you get that anyway? -Sent away. 258 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,957 {\an8}♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show ♪ 259 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,714 Mmm. (gulps) 260 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,177 (groans) 261 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,346 (shouts) 262 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:03,889 (screaming) 263 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,520 (screams) 264 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,981 (laughing) 265 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,569 (screaming) 266 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,615 (gasps) 267 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,619 {\an8}(screams) 268 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,418 -(both laughing) -(Homer whimpering) 269 00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,551 (deep breathing) 270 00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,191 (gasps) 271 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,568 (slow, distorted) No! 272 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,448 -(pop) -(whimpering) 273 00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:06,160 Marge, I don't really wanna go through with this. 274 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:08,996 But being an astronaut is how I got you to respect me. 275 00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:11,707 Homer, when I met you, you weren't an astronaut. 276 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,667 You didn't even know how to use a touch-tone. 277 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,419 But I still respected you, 278 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,088 and I always will, no matter what. 279 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,257 (touch-tones beeping) 280 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:22,760 -Homer, you already dialed. -Oh. 281 00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:26,263 But on the other hand, when you don't take advantage of an opportunity, 282 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:29,225 you can end up regretting it for the rest of your life. 283 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,018 You're right, Marge. 284 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,604 Just like the time I could've met Mr. T. at the mall. 285 00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,231 The entire day, I kept saying, 286 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:38,317 "I'll go a little later. I'll go a little later." 287 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:42,571 And then when I got there, they told me he just left. 288 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,242 And when I asked a mall guy if he would ever come back again, 289 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,536 he said he didn't know. 290 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,330 Well, I'm never gonna let something like that happen again! 291 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:54,124 I'm going into space right now! 292 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,793 Oh, I am so proud of you. 293 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,920 And I know it's going to go just fine. 294 00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,964 -(tones beeping) -(groans) 295 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:03,342 MAN: T-minus three minutes till liftoff and counting. 296 00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,010 Mission control, this is Corvair. 297 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,971 Launch sequence initiated. All systems go. 298 00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,139 -Are we there yet? I'm thirsty. -(scoffs) 299 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:13,143 Mission control, request permission to sedate cargo ahead of schedule. 300 00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:15,145 Permission denied. 301 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,397 Payload checklist. 302 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,274 -I.R.S. surveillance satellite. -Check. 303 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,317 -Ant farm. -Check. 304 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,903 {\an8}-Children's letters to God. -Check. 305 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:26,448 Three, two, one. Make rocket go now. 306 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:34,123 (all groaning) 307 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,542 (groaning, Nixon's voice) 308 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,503 Go, Dad, go! 309 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,714 How doth the hero, strong and brave, 310 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,675 a celestial path in the heavens pave. 311 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:45,843 (quizzical murmurs) 312 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,553 (quietly) Go, Dad, go. 313 00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:49,930 Sir, the TV ratings for the launch 314 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,098 are the highest in 10 years. 315 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,100 (people cheering) 316 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:55,853 -And how's the spacecraft doing? -I don't know. 317 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:58,230 All this equipment is just used to measure TV ratings. 318 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,941 HOMER: It's beautiful. 319 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,904 It's the most awe-inspiring sight I have ever seen. 320 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:08,365 Giver of life, mother of us all. 321 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,784 {\an8}Hey, guys, look what I smuggled aboard. 322 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,202 Homer, no! 323 00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:13,662 Huh? 324 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,497 They'll clog the instruments! 325 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:16,957 Careful. They're ruffled. 326 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,834 I'll take care of this. 327 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:22,463 ♪♪ ("Blue Danube Waltz" plays) 328 00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:25,883 (crunching along with tune) 329 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:31,055 ♪♪ (continues) 330 00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:39,939 (moans) 331 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,698 Mmm. 332 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,825 (screams) Ants! 333 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:54,244 {\an8}-(chittering) -(shouting) 334 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,629 You fool! Now we may never know 335 00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:06,131 if ants can be trained to sort tiny screws in space. 336 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:09,510 MISSION CONTROL: Some good news, gentlemen. We have quite a treat for you. 337 00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:12,096 We've been able to coax superstar James Taylor in here 338 00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:13,889 to mission control to wish you well 339 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,265 and play you a little of his own brand 340 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,685 of laid-back, adult contemporary music. 341 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:20,771 Wow, former president James Taylor. 342 00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:21,897 How ya doin', fellas? 343 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,983 With all due respect, Mr. Taylor, 344 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,068 this isn't the best time for your unique brand 345 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,861 of bittersweet folk rock. 346 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,614 We have a potentially critical situation here. 347 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,783 -I'm sure you'll understand. -Listen, Aldrin. 348 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:35,577 I'm not as laid-back as people think. Now here's the deal. 349 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,539 I'm gonna play, and you're gonna float there and like it. 350 00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:45,170 ♪ When you're down and troubled ♪ 351 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:50,426 ♪ And you need a helping hand ♪ 352 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,177 ♪ And nothing ♪ 353 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:56,306 ♪ Oh, nothing is going right ♪ 354 00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:02,146 We're just about to get our first pictures from inside the spacecraft 355 00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:05,024 with "Averagenaut" Homer Simpson. 356 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,276 And we'd like to-- (shouts) 357 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,194 (all screaming) 358 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,865 Ladies and gentlemen, we've just lost the picture, 359 00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:16,368 but what we've seen speaks for itself. 360 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,996 The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over, 361 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,831 conquered, if you will, 362 00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:24,501 by a master race of giant space ants. 363 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,295 It's difficult to tell from this vantage point 364 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,213 whether they will consume the captive earthmen 365 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,090 or merely enslave them. 366 00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,468 One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them. 367 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,845 The ants will soon be here. 368 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:38,599 And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. 369 00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:41,060 I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, 370 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,645 I can be helpful in rounding up others 371 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,732 to toil in their underground sugar caves. 372 00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,400 Mmm. Don't worry, kids. 373 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,652 I'm sure your father's all right. 374 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,530 What are you basing that on, Mom? 375 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:56,200 Who wants gingersnaps? 376 00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:59,453 ♪ There's hours of time on the telephone line ♪ 377 00:17:59,536 --> 00:18:03,290 ♪ Talking 'bout things to come ♪ 378 00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:06,585 ♪ Sweet dreams and flying machines ♪ 379 00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:09,421 ♪ In pieces on the ground ♪ 380 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,423 Uh-- 381 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,259 ♪ Sweet dreams and flying machines ♪ 382 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:19,765 ♪ Flying safely through the air ♪ 383 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,100 ♪ I've seen fire and... ♪ 384 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:22,684 Oh, my God! 385 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,895 The ants are shorting out our navigation system! 386 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:27,940 (astronauts shouting) 387 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:32,152 Ants, huh? We had quite a severe ant problem at the vineyard this year. 388 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,571 I had Art Garfunkel come by with his compressor, 389 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,116 and we created a total vacuum outside the house, 390 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,118 and we blew the ants out the front door. 391 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:42,162 But I'm sure you high-tech NASA people could care less 392 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,580 about our resort-town ways. 393 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,249 -Quiet, you-- -Wait a minute. 394 00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:48,085 This unkempt youngster just might be onto something. 395 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,045 Okay, everybody. Grab on to something. 396 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,672 All right. Here we go. 397 00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,966 Three, two, one. 398 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,551 Make hatch blow now. 399 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,761 (all shout) 400 00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,931 And that is that. Yow! 401 00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:03,058 (shouting) 402 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:07,729 Oh, my God! This is a disaster! 403 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,148 Gotta go. 404 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,733 (whimpering, shouting) 405 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,572 (grunting) 406 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,991 Homer, you broke the handle. 407 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:21,451 With that hatch open, we'll burn up on reentry! 408 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:25,122 That's it! If I go, I'm taking you to hell with me. 409 00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:27,124 Wait a minute, Race. Wait a minute. Wait! 410 00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:31,170 (grunts) Aha! Now I'll bust that pretty face of yours! 411 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:32,838 (laughs, shouting) 412 00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:35,340 Oh! Aw, stupid bar! 413 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,384 Wait, Homer. If that bar holds, 414 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,887 we just might make it back to earth. 415 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,722 Hmm. 416 00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:43,473 I'll bash you good! 417 00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,642 (all shouting) 418 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:48,020 -Give me that! -(shouting continues) 419 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:52,065 Well, this reporter was possibly a little hasty earlier, 420 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:54,109 would like to reaffirm his allegiance 421 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:58,030 to this country and its human president. 422 00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,240 It may not be perfect, but it's still 423 00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:03,577 the best government we have... for now. 424 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,537 Hmm? Oh, yes. 425 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,289 By the way, the spacecraft's still in extreme danger. 426 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,416 May not make it back. Attempting risky reentry. 427 00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:12,127 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We'll see you after the movie. 428 00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:16,882 ♪♪ (both hum "Battle Hymn of the Republic") 429 00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:22,596 ♪ Oh, those Golden Grahams oh, those Golden Grahams ♪ 430 00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:26,225 ♪ Crispy, crunchy graham cereal brand-new breakfast treat ♪ 431 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,938 (beeping) 432 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,856 Come on, Dad. You can make it. 433 00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,983 Oh, of course he'll make it. It's TV. 434 00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,618 (reporters shouting) 435 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,703 Uh, how'd you solve the door dilemma? 436 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,664 Homer Simpson was the real hero here. 437 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,916 He jury-rigged the door closed using this. 438 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,585 -Hey, what is that? -It's an inanimate carbon rod! 439 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,170 (crowd cheering) 440 00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,882 -♪♪ (marching band plays) -(crowd cheering) 441 00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:03,262 (Homer groans) 442 00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:06,515 Oh! They were just about to show some close-ups of the rod. 443 00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:09,518 Oh, stupid rod. I got gypped. 444 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,603 Homie, you should be proud. 445 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,855 Only a handful of people have done what you've done. 446 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,108 Yeah, Dad. How many people have seen 447 00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:18,485 the ice caps and the deserts all at once, 448 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:22,281 or the majesty of the northern lights from 100 hundred miles above? 449 00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:25,325 Yeah, maybe I do have the right-- 450 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:27,119 What's that stuff? 451 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:29,579 Anyway, thanks, Marge, Lisa. 452 00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,332 Bart, do you have something nice to say to your father? 453 00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:34,710 Nah, he knows how I feel. 454 00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:38,338 (grunts) 455 00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:47,097 ♪♪ ("Thus Spake Zarathustra" plays) 456 00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:53,353 D'oh! 457 00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:02,237 {\an8}♪♪ 458 00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:46,490 Shh! 459 00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:52,746 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.