1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,797 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,261 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:12,387 (tires screech) 4 00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:15,432 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:18,101 -Aah! -(tires screeching) 6 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,784 {\an8}♪ What would you do ♪ 7 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,996 {\an8}♪ If I sang out of tune ♪ 8 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:42,250 {\an8}♪ Would you stand up and walk out on me ♪ 9 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:46,004 {\an8}♪ Lend me your ears ♪ 10 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,840 {\an8}♪ And I'll sing you a song ♪ 11 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:52,719 ♪ I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ♪ 12 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:57,057 {\an8}♪ Oh, baby, I get by with a little help from my friends ♪ 13 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,768 {\an8}(Bart laughing) 14 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:01,811 {\an8}Oh, they're gonna eat this up in show-and-tell. 15 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,980 {\an8}I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea 16 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,776 {\an8}of your classmates laughing at our family's private moments. 17 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,986 {\an8}How would you like it if 20 years from now 18 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,696 {\an8}people were laughing at things you did? 19 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,198 {\an8}Not likely. 20 00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:16,367 {\an8}Come on. Have a sense of humor about yourself. 21 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:19,204 {\an8}I'm a big boy today. 22 00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:21,456 {\an8}(laughing) 23 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:24,167 {\an8}(groans) I gotta find something else quick. 24 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:27,378 {\an8}Why don't you bring this potato? It's pretty big. 25 00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:29,714 Mom, you're always trying to give me potatoes. 26 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,634 -What is it with you? -I just think they're neat. 27 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,220 I need something for show-and-tell. 28 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,805 Just take one of my geodes. 29 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,766 The rocks on my desk. 30 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,853 No, that's a trilobite. 31 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,814 That's petrified wood. 32 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,359 Bart, that's a bran muffin! 33 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:50,527 (school bus horn honks) 34 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:59,702 Greetings, fellow geode-ologist. 35 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:03,081 (groans) I'll be right back! 36 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,169 (growling) 37 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:13,967 The ingredients were fresh pureed tomatoes, 38 00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:17,220 water, salt and sodium benzoate 39 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:19,556 used to retard spoilage. 40 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,350 Once again, if I'm not mistaken, 41 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:25,979 this can contained tomato paste. 42 00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:27,564 Thank you, Nelson. 43 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:30,108 I look forward to seeing it again next week. 44 00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:32,318 Bart, you're up. 45 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:37,991 Boys and girls, Mrs. Krabappel, 46 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,076 I come before you today to solve a riddle 47 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,121 that has plagued mankind for centuries. 48 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:46,124 What has four legs and ticks? 49 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,918 -A walking clock? -A walking clock! 50 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,921 I'd wager he has some variety of walking clock in that box. 51 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,506 Bart, is it a walking clock? 52 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,301 What? No, it's my dog. 53 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:59,762 -(all gasp) -Oh, he is a gem! 54 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:04,309 Here, boy. Would you like these cookies Martin made for me? 55 00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,477 My raisin roundies! 56 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:09,063 My dog's name is Santa's Little Helper. 57 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,982 One time he crawled under the house, and when he came out, 58 00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:12,609 he was covered with ants. 59 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,819 Then he ran into a church and drank all the holy water. 60 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,154 ALL: Wow! 61 00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:18,781 Thank you, Bart. Great job. 62 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,867 (all cheering) 63 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:23,494 I knew the dog before he came to class. 64 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:33,004 Kaboom! That, the sound of the thunderous volcanic explosion 65 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,882 which gives birth to the magnificent geode, 66 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,842 one of nature's most-- 67 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:41,387 You're doing it wrong! You gotta pet him hard so he can feel it. 68 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,556 (grumbles, sneezes) 69 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,683 Look, look, look! The doggy sneezed! 70 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,478 -Ha! It thinks it's people. -(knocking) 71 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,813 Oh, poochie. Here, poochie, poochie, poochie! 72 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:51,773 (grunts) 73 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:53,900 (clears throat) 74 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:56,569 My geode must be acknowledged. 75 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,989 Oh, brother. All right. Back to show-and-tell. 76 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,575 Bart, why don't you put the doggy away? 77 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,453 (students groaning) 78 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,873 (whimpers) 79 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,169 (sniffing) 80 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,425 {\an8}Mmm. 81 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:23,221 {\an8}More testicles mean more iron. 82 00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:24,806 (moaning, whimpering) 83 00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:33,523 Uh, Miss Hoover, there's a dog in the vent. 84 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:37,735 Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside? 85 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,821 He was going to the bathroom. 86 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:44,575 Uh, I-- I know Weinstein's parents were upset, 87 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:48,413 Superintendent, but I-- I was sure it was a phony excuse. 88 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:52,292 I mean, it sounds so made-up. "Yom kip pur." 89 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,751 (chuckles, stammers) 90 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,629 (shouting, cheering) 91 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:59,299 Sir, you've got to come quick! 92 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,719 There's a dog runnin' around in the air ducts! 93 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,346 I understand. Children, this is Principal Skinner. 94 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:08,683 Remain calm. There is a dog in the vents. 95 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:12,145 (shouting, cheering) 96 00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:16,232 (grunts) 97 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,779 (slobbers, panting) 98 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:24,449 Willie, go into the vent and get him! 99 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:27,493 What? Have you gone waxy in your "beester"? 100 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:31,331 I cannot fit in the wee vent, ya croquet-playin' mint muncher! 101 00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,833 Grease yourself up and go in, you... 102 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,918 you guff-speaking work slacker. 103 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,128 Ooh, good comeback. 104 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,215 Lunch Lady Doris, have you got any grease? 105 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:42,759 Yes. Yes, we do. 106 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,385 Then grease me up, woman! 107 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,137 Okeydokey. 108 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,641 (grunting) 109 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,066 (gasps) 110 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,277 (gasps) 111 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,237 (beeping) 112 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:04,614 (gasps) 113 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:07,158 (beeping continues) 114 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,662 -(beeping intensifies) -Good Lord! 115 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,872 It's coming up right behind him! 116 00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:16,417 What the-- No! No! 117 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,836 (laughing) 118 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,421 {\an8}(laughing continues) 119 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,006 (students shouting) 120 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:26,260 Ow! Ow! Stop it! 121 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,930 Children, teachers, back to your rooms. 122 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,557 Uh-oh. Whenever I get this upset, I get hiccups. 123 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,059 (hiccups) Oh, right on cue. 124 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,812 (all laughing) 125 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,980 -(barks) -(grunts, groans) 126 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,785 (grunts, laughs) 127 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:54,705 There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman. 128 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:57,708 Now, out we go. (grunts) 129 00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:00,002 (gasps) 130 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,296 'Tis more dizzyin' than the belfry 131 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,715 at St. Corgegluynwaagen's. 132 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:07,552 (students murmuring) 133 00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,847 That's nice work, boys. 134 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:11,973 (panting) 135 00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:13,599 MRS. KRABAPPEL: Uh-oh! 136 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,645 Someone's getting a visit from Superintendent Chalmers. 137 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,188 I... (hiccups) can't... (hiccups) 138 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,150 take... (hiccups) this. (hiccups) 139 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:25,236 -Skinner! -Superintendent Chalmers, 140 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:27,196 you didn't have to come all the way down here. 141 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,573 Everything's under control. 142 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,075 (screams) 143 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,493 Oh, I have had it! 144 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,454 I have had it with this school, Skinner! 145 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,038 The low test scores, 146 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,749 class after class of ugly, ugly children! 147 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:41,169 Oh, now I really think the children's appearance-- 148 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,629 Seymour, you are in very, very big trouble. 149 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,965 -(barks) -(gasps) 150 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:50,178 Why, looking into this loveable mutt's eyes just melts my heart. 151 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,930 Seymour, all is forgiven. 152 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,308 (yelling) Make way for Willie! 153 00:07:56,893 --> 00:08:00,271 I said make way for Willie, ya bloated gasbag! 154 00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,273 -Seymour. -Hmm? 155 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,025 -You're fired! -(gasps) 156 00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:07,195 I'm sorry. Did-- Did you just call me a liar? 157 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,696 No. I said you were fired. 158 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:11,199 Oh. That's much worse. 159 00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:13,326 (hiccups) 160 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,959 (gobbling, gulping) 161 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:25,296 I thought I'd be jumping for joy the day Skinner left, 162 00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,089 but now all I have is this weird, 163 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,842 hot feeling in the back of my head. 164 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,552 That's guilt. You feel guilty 165 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:34,305 because your stunt wound up costing a man his job. 166 00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:36,057 Yeah, I guess it is guilt. 167 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:41,312 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me get this straight. 168 00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:43,523 They let everybody out of school early 169 00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,691 just because you brought a dog? 170 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,402 -Well, yeah, but-- -Well, I'm off to work. 171 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:49,695 The dog has had enough excitement. 172 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,072 But, Marge, 173 00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,282 dogs can never have enough excitement. 174 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,201 Look. Whee! Whee! (laughing) 175 00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:58,371 Whee, whee! (laughing) 176 00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:01,958 All right, all right. I won't take the dog. Come here. 177 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,709 -(Marge groans) -Aw. 178 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,965 Boys and girls, because of Mr. Skinner's sudden departure, 179 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,717 I've had to appoint a new principal. 180 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,262 -Leopold. -(all gasp) 181 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:18,766 All right, you little punks. Prick up your freakin' ears, 182 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:21,185 because I'm only gonna be saying this once. 183 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,895 From now on, 184 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:27,441 things are gonna be very, very different around here-- 185 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,611 -(all gasp) -...with your new principal, Ned Flanders. 186 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:33,864 (applause, cheering) 187 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,576 Well, tippity-top o' the a.m. to every-good-body here. 188 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,912 As chairman of the P.T.A., I am de-didilly-lighted to take over, 189 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,790 and I think I can put the "Pal" back in principal. 190 00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:46,168 (all laughing) 191 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,547 Yeah, and I'll put the "super" back in superintendent. 192 00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:52,300 (person coughs) 193 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,969 It's the same exact joke. What gives, Leo? 194 00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:57,805 Now, I know everybody's eager to get back to class-- 195 00:09:57,888 --> 00:09:59,640 MRS. KRABAPPEL: Ha! 196 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,017 But I thought it might break the ice 197 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,184 if we had a little "Q" and "A." 198 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:08,482 Dude, ask a question, or we'll have to go back to class. 199 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,735 Um-- 200 00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:12,570 -Yeah, you. -Uh, yeah. 201 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:15,906 Uh, I was wonderin', do you, uh-- 202 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:20,661 What's your policy on, uh, lunch? 203 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,455 Well, let me just say 204 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:25,166 I want to put the "stew" back in students. 205 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,960 (all laughing) 206 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:32,214 It's just a damn popularity contest with you kids. 207 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,217 Now look what you've done, you little freaks! 208 00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:41,515 Young man, your gargantuan cone 209 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,976 is making a mockery of our self-serve policy. 210 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,021 Bart, look. It's Principal Skinner, 211 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,898 and I think he's gone crazy. 212 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:51,734 He's not wearing a suit or tie or anything. 213 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:54,320 Principal Skinner, um, 214 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:57,907 I'm real sorry about my dog getting you fired 215 00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:01,744 {\an8}and biting you and then getting it on with your leg. 216 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,497 Well, maybe it was for the best. 217 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:08,292 Now I-- I finally have time to do what I've always wanted-- 218 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,002 Write the great American novel. 219 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,338 Mine is about a futuristic amusement park 220 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,548 where dinosaurs are brought to life 221 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,218 through advanced cloning techniques. 222 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:19,887 I call it "Billy and the Clone-osaurus." 223 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,889 Oh, you have got to be kidding, sir. 224 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,475 First you think of an idea that has already been done. 225 00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:26,727 Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. 226 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,187 Didn't you think this through? 227 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,231 ...on the best-seller list for 18 months! 228 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,607 Every magazine cover had it! 229 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,110 ...most popular movies of all time, sir! 230 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,611 What were you thinking? 231 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,614 I mean, thank you. Come again. 232 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,204 Bart, I've barely been here a-a good solid week, 233 00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,498 and you've been sent to my office 11 times. 234 00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:49,959 And now that I have peanut butter cups, 235 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,002 you seem to be getting in trouble every hour. 236 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,921 Must have been a coincidence. 237 00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:56,549 Anyhoo, Bart, you're gonna have to be punished. 238 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,300 This isn't just some sort of clubhouse. 239 00:11:58,384 --> 00:11:59,844 (ice rattles) 240 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,388 Oh, sorry. Were you drinking Slice or Yoo-hoo? 241 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:07,518 Now let's see. "Tide. Cheer. 242 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:11,313 "Bold. Biz. 243 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,316 "Fab. All. 244 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,862 Gain. Wisk." 245 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:22,241 I believe today I will try... Bold. 246 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:25,411 Bart, how are you? How's school? 247 00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:29,123 Um, it's-- It's a lot of fun. 248 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:31,208 Hmm. 249 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:35,212 Well, it was good to see you. 250 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:37,298 It was? Well, then we should get together again. 251 00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:39,717 Say, Saturday at my house. Do you know where I live? 252 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,510 Uh, no. 253 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,100 Hmm. A flaming bag, eh? 254 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:51,812 Well, these new Italian loafers will make short work of it. 255 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,274 Uh, I'm kinda busy on Saturday. 256 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,567 (grunts, laughs) 257 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:57,902 Hey! 258 00:12:57,985 --> 00:12:59,987 (chanting) We got Skinner's underpants! 259 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:04,074 And there's nothing you can do about it, Mr. Ex-principal. 260 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:07,161 That's not true. I can buy a new pair. 261 00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:10,664 No, I can't. I needed those. I really did. 262 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:21,550 Oh, you must be Seymour's friend. 263 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,970 He's up in his room. Don't touch the wallpaper. 264 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:28,474 -♪♪ (Beethoven's 5th Symphony) -♪ Ba-ba-ba-bum ♪ 265 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,018 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-bum ♪ 266 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,687 Now a little more allegro than last time. Bart! 267 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,523 (chuckles) Welcome. 268 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:38,025 Can I offer you a diet caffeine-free Dr. Pepper 269 00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:40,528 or an individual fruit cocktail cup? 270 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,154 Uh, I'll pass. 271 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,781 Hey, what's this? 272 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:46,492 Oh, that's my old unit from Vietnam. 273 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,537 I was their sergeant. They were my loyal troops. 274 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,748 That photo was taken shortly before I was shot in the back, 275 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,543 which was very strange because it was during a Bob Hope show. 276 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:59,046 I was trying to get Joey Heatherton to put on some pants, for God's sake! 277 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,048 Seymour, your friend Bart is here! 278 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,925 I know, Mother! 279 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:06,428 Seymour, do you want me to tell you when it's 7:30? 280 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,972 No, Mother! 281 00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:11,517 (laughing) 282 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,728 {\an8}Ned Flanders actually eliminated detention 283 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,648 {\an8}and put the whole school on the honor system? 284 00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:21,527 {\an8}(laughs) Yeah. The teachers are afraid to leave the faculty lounge. 285 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,696 {\an8}(both laughing) 286 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:27,241 {\an8}Oh, that place must be falling apart. 287 00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:29,910 Oh, mercy. 288 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,162 Nobody's mentioned me, have they? 289 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:35,749 Uh, I thought I heard someone say your name in the cafeteria, 290 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:38,168 But they might have been saying "skim milk." 291 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,336 Yeah, yeah. 292 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,883 Hmm. 293 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:48,554 -(claw snips) -Ahh! Ohh! Yee! 294 00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,848 I thought you might like this restaurant, Bart. 295 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:53,601 They'll make a pizza pie with a topping of your choice. 296 00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:56,186 Hey, Seymour! You want your usual table? 297 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,813 No, no, Luigi. 298 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,899 I'd like one with two seats. 299 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,609 I'll be dining with a friend tonight. 300 00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:04,403 Hey, good for you, huh? 301 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,325 Hmm. They treat you real nice here. 302 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,493 Hey, Salvatore, guess who's here! 303 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:14,788 Mr. Kookalamanza and-a some real ugly kid. 304 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,708 (students shouting) 305 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,424 This is great! Not only am I not learnin', 306 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,635 I'm forgettin' stuff I used to know. 307 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,638 (laughs) And it's all thanks to you, Bart. 308 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:31,722 Yeah, great. 309 00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:33,599 What's the matter? 310 00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:36,644 Don't you see, Milhouse? We've gone too far. 311 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:40,898 -We need Skinner back. -My water dish is empty! 312 00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,946 (school bell rings) 313 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:49,657 GIRL'S VOICE: I learned to read because of you, Principal Skinner. 314 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,951 MARTIN: Sir, I baked you these raisin roundies. 315 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:55,746 RALPH: Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office. 316 00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:58,499 (sobbing) 317 00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:06,173 Oh, you're Seymour's friend. 318 00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:08,133 Here. He left you this note. 319 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,551 SKINNER: Dear Bart... 320 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,807 However, I've decided to return to the only thing besides school 321 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:17,059 that has ever given my life meaning-- 322 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,067 (groans) 323 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:29,780 Table for one. 324 00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:32,866 Oh, you miss your friend, huh? Don't you worry. 325 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:36,662 My cooking, she'll-a cheer you up. 326 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:40,541 Hey, Salvatore, give-a the ugly kid a pan of the red crap! 327 00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,674 It's good to have another combat veteran around here. 328 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:51,135 I myself received a number of medals 329 00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:54,138 for securing that Montgomery Ward in Kuwait City. 330 00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,557 Mm, yes, colonel. Now, I understand it'll be my duty 331 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,767 to mold the new recruits into a well-disciplined, 332 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,436 highly trained infantry unit. 333 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,438 Sure, I guess. Here they come. 334 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:03,772 (vehicle approaching) 335 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:07,109 (chattering) 336 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,069 Hi. Where do I get my grenades at? 337 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,905 Uh, they don't have them group toilets here no more, do they? 338 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,411 Ned, Homer and I are a little concerned 339 00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:19,288 with the way the school's being run. 340 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,915 Yes, deeply concerned. 341 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:25,127 Well, I may go a little bit easy on the old hickory dickory stick, 342 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:29,131 but that's just because my dad was so hard on me when I was a boy. 343 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,512 Whoopsy-doodle. 344 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:40,309 Oh, man! Ned spilled ink all over my poems! 345 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:43,562 He's a real flat tire. I mean a cube, man. 346 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:46,523 He's putting us on the train to Squaresville, Mona. 347 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,236 Hmm? 348 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,573 ♪ I met a woman in Paris, France ♪ 349 00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:56,533 ♪ Had a big hole in her underpants ♪ 350 00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,619 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Where did you pick up that filth? 351 00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:01,371 We heard Sergeant Clark's company singing it, sir. 352 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,457 Yes, well, there will be no smut in my company. 353 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,250 You're in this man's army to learn. 354 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,962 ♪ I don't know but I've been told ♪ 355 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,798 ♪ The Parthenon is mighty old ♪ 356 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,133 -♪ How old ♪ -♪ We don't know ♪ 357 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:16,261 That's real good but needs improvement. 358 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,477 (sighs) 359 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,146 Wow, I never thought Principal Skinner could become any more of a square, 360 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,523 but there's the proof. 361 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,024 It's weird, Lis. 362 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,275 I miss him as a friend, 363 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,277 but I miss him even more as an enemy. 364 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,906 I think you need Skinner, Bart. Everybody needs a nemesis. 365 00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,950 Sherlock Holmes had his Dr. Moriarty. 366 00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,993 Mountain Dew has its Mello Yello. 367 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:42,496 Even Maggie has that baby with the one eyebrow. 368 00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:45,999 (wheel squeaking) 369 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,513 (incoming ordnance) 370 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,559 Man on the range! Change your trajectory! 371 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,394 (all grunting) 372 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,980 Sixteen brand-new gas pumps! 373 00:19:08,063 --> 00:19:10,816 At last we can compete with the Gas-n-Gulp. 374 00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:14,987 (incoming ordnance) 375 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:17,197 If there was some way to get rid of Flanders, 376 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,782 would you want to come back? 377 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,243 Ah, I must admit I do miss the school. 378 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:25,247 Frankly, the army isn't quite as I remembered it. 379 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,791 Up yours, Sergeant! 380 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,960 Actually, it's exactly as I remembered it. 381 00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:32,254 I do want to come back, Bart, 382 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:35,632 but it doesn't sound like Flanders is gonna get fired. 383 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,010 Oh, I think I could get him fired. 384 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:39,803 I got you fired, didn't I? 385 00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,054 (laughing) 386 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,598 Yes. 387 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,809 Now, you realize if I become principal again, 388 00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,936 we can no longer be friends, 389 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,730 unless you become a good student. 390 00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:52,649 Hmm. That's probably never gonna happen. 391 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:56,278 Well, we'll always have the Laundromat. 392 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:57,571 Yeah. 393 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,286 What's he doing here? 394 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:05,704 {\an8}Well, once he found out we were gonna get 395 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:08,707 {\an8}Ned Flanders fired, he insisted on helping. 396 00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:09,833 That is true. 397 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,168 Here's the plan. 398 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:12,586 Once Chalmers comes for his next inspection 399 00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:14,713 and sees how crappy the school has gotten, 400 00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:17,049 he'll fire Ned on the spot. 401 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:20,010 Uh, one question remains: How do I get out of the army? 402 00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:22,888 No problemo. Just make a pass at your commanding officer. 403 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:25,724 Done and done. And I mean done. 404 00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,226 (knocking) 405 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,310 MARGE: What's going on in there? 406 00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:29,603 ALL: Nothing. 407 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:34,274 (students shouting) 408 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,903 (singing opera) 409 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:40,697 Come on, Chalmie. You fired Skinner for less than this. 410 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:44,159 Yeah, I did, but Skinner really bugged me. 411 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,495 Besides, the way America's public schools are sliding, 412 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,413 they'll all be this way in a few months. 413 00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,667 I say lay back and enjoy it. It's a hell of a toboggan ride. 414 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,211 {\an8}NED: Well, cockilly-doodilly-do, little buddies. 415 00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:58,507 Let's thank the Lord for another beautiful school day. 416 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:02,719 Thank the Lor-- Thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. 417 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:06,640 A prayer! A prayer in a public school! 418 00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:09,351 God has no place within these walls, 419 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:12,187 just like facts have no place within organized religion! 420 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,941 Simpson, you get your wish. Flanders is history. 421 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,819 (humming) 422 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:22,114 Well, I really enjoyed my time here, Superintendent. 423 00:21:22,197 --> 00:21:24,783 May the Lord bless and keep you. 424 00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,618 Yeah, take it outside, God boy. 425 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,412 Okilly-dokilly. 426 00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:30,956 Dirksen, tuck in your shirt. Jaffee, spit out that gum. 427 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:34,710 You really think it's a good idea to give that freak his job back? 428 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,837 Ah, he seems to know the students' names. 429 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:41,258 So, I guess we're enemies again. 430 00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:43,385 I guess. 431 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:44,428 Thanks, Bart. 432 00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:46,305 Sure. 433 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:53,061 (chuckles) 434 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,188 (Skinner chuckles) 435 00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,566 Oh, mercy. 436 00:22:01,069 --> 00:22:03,322 {\an8}♪♪ 437 00:22:46,239 --> 00:22:47,324 Shh. 438 00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:53,914 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.