1
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,744
( bell rings )

2
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,016
D-OH!

3
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,685
( screams )
( tires screech )

4
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:37,405
( sniffling )

5
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:41,041
THIS ROMANCE IS SO FULL
OF HEARTFELT PASSION.

6
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:44,945
I CAN REALLY IDENTIFY
WITH THIS CORN-FED HEROINE.

7
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,080
HOMER, ARE YOU AWAKE?

8
00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:47,515
THIS IS IMPORTANT.

9
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,016
GIVE ME SOME SIGN
YOU'RE AWAKE.

10
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,184
( belches )

11
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:51,385
WAKE UP!

12
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:53,020
WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG?

13
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,288
HOUSE RUN AWAY?

14
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,856
DOG'S ON FIRE?

15
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,391
DO YOU THINK THE ROMANCE

16
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,093
HAS GONE OUT OF OUR LIVES?

17
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,228
( belches )

18
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:02,096
WAKE UP!

19
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:04,798
MARGE, IT'S 3:00 A.M.,
AND I WORKED ALL DAY.

20
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:07,601
IT'S 9:30 P.M., AND YOU SPENT
YOUR WHOLE SATURDAY

21
00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,970
DRINKING BEER
IN MAGGIE'S KIDDIE POOL.

22
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,940
THERE YOU ARE.

23
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,875
THOUGHT YOU COULD GET AWAY, HUH?

24
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,043
HOMER, YOUNG PEOPLE

25
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,878
LEARN ABOUT LOVE
FROM ADULTS

26
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,247
AND WE'VE BEEN SETTING
A TERRIBLE EXAMPLE

27
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,615
FOR OUR CHILDREN
AND THE COMMUNITY
IN GENERAL.

28
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,551
I WANT US TO
DEAL WITH
THE ISSUES.

29
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,418
RAISED BY
THIS BOOK.

30
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,520
HMM.

31
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:31,292
I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE
PUT A FIREPLACE IN THE
BEDROOM.

32
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,282
HUH?

33
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,186
( screaming )

34
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,124
( all laughing )

35
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,494
HOW MANY TIMES
CAN YOU LAUGH AT THAT CAT

36
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,162
GETTING HIT
BY THE MOON?

37
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,663
IT'S A NEW EPISODE.

38
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:12,099
NOT EXACTLY. THEY PIECED
IT TOGETHER FROM OLD SHOWS

39
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,202
AND IT SEEMS NEW
TO THE TRUSTING EYES

40
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,003
OF IMPRESSIONABLE YOUTH.

41
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,171
REALLY?

42
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:19,106
REN AND STIMPY
DO IT ALL THE TIME.

43
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,040
YES, THEY DO.

44
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,775
AND WHEN DID YOU
LAST HEAR ANYONE

45
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:22,943
TALK ABOUT REN AND STIMPY?

46
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,514
CHILDREN, YOUR FATHER AND I
HAVE FED AND CLOTHED YOU

47
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:29,183
BUT WE'VE NEGLECTED
SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT.

48
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:31,519
IT'S TIME TO LEARN
ABOUT LOVE.

49
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,654
NO NEED, MOM. WE ALREADY
LEARNED IN SCHOOL.

50
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,856
Announcer:
This is Fuzzy Bunny.

51
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,225
About a year ago

52
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,627
he noticed his voice
was changing.

53
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,462
He had terrible acne

54
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,665
and had fur
where there was no fur before.

55
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,201
He also noticed Fluffy Bunny.

56
00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:49,136
BOR-RING.

57
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,638
Fuzzy went to the park

58
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,206
the ice cream social

59
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,241
the boat show

60
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,809
and various other
wholesome activities.

61
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,811
And they never ruined their fun

62
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:01,048
by giving in to their
throbbing biological urges.

63
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:02,850
Then came the big day.

64
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,586
Fluffy and Fuzzy got married.

65
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:08,556
That night came the honeymoon.

66
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,157
All:
EWW!

67
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,925
SHE'S FAKING IT.

68
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:15,162
I MEAN ROMANCE,
NOT LOVE.

69
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,163
MOM, ROMANCE
IS DEAD.

70
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,197
IT WAS ACQUIRED

71
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:18,031
IN A HOSTILE TAKEOVER

72
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,100
BY HALLMARK AND DISNEY

73
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,903
HOMOGENIZED AND SOLD OFF
PIECE BY PIECE.

74
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,372
THAT'S NOT TRUE.

75
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:26,073
ROMANCE IS ALL AROUND US--

76
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,908
IN OUR NEIGHBORHOODS

77
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,311
EVEN AT OUR JOBS.

78
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,652
( moaning )

79
00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:42,055
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

80
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:45,092
IS THINK ABOUT
YOUR MOST CHERISHED MEMORIES.

81
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,193
HMM.

82
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,361
Moe's Tavern.

83
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:48,362
HELLO, IS AL THERE?

84
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,263
Al?

85
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:51,432
YEAH, AL.
LAST NAME COHOLIC.

86
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,200
LET ME CHECK.

87
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,702
PHONE CALL FOR AL.

88
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,969
AL COHOLIC.

89
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,272
A JOCK STRAP?

90
00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:00,374
IS I.P. FREELY HERE?

91
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,109
HEY, IS THERE A BUTTS HERE?

92
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,077
SEYMOUR BUTTS?

93
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,246
AH, HOMER SEXUAL?

94
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,114
MIKE CROTCH?

95
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,149
UH, AMANDA HUGGINKISS?

96
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:10,451
AH, HUGH JASS?

97
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,585
IVANA TINKLE?

98
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:14,288
I'M A STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE

99
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:16,790
AND A BIG BUTT,
AND MY BUTT SMELLS

100
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,226
AND I LIKE TO KISS
MY OWN BUTT.

101
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,128
NO! NO! NO!

102
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:25,098
NO, ASK YOUR HEART
WHAT ITS FONDEST DESIRE IS.

103
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:26,133
HMM.

104
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,635
MMM...

105
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,603
CHOCOLATE.

106
00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:31,138
MMM.

107
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,606
INVISIBLE COLA.

108
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,074
MMM.

109
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,743
FORBIDDEN DOUGHNUT.

110
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,244
MMM.

111
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,946
SACRILICIOUS.

112
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,348
MMM.

113
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:41,582
SNOUTS.

114
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,584
MMM. FREE GOO.

115
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,852
MMM.

116
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,320
SOMETHING.

117
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,789
NO. THINK ABOUT PEOPLE--

118
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:52,593
ABOUT MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE
THAT HAVE BEEN VERY ROMANTIC.

119
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,161
OH, OKAY.

120
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,964
( crowd cheering )

121
00:04:56,997 --> 00:05:00,167
THAT'S NOT THE IDEA AT ALL.

122
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,336
HMM.

123
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:05,105
OKAY. WELL,
THIS STORY ISN'T IDEAL.

124
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,641
I'VE NEVER TOLD IT
TO YOU BEFORE.

125
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:10,444
I GOT A VERY THOUGHTLESS
BIRTHDAY PRESENT

126
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:13,481
FROM SOMEONE
WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS.

127
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:17,050
SO I ACTUALLY WENT
TO THE BOWLING ALLEY

128
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,186
TO SPITE HIM-- OR HER.

129
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,188
HMM.

130
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,496
OH.

131
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,565
I'M AWFULLY SORRY.

132
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,901
( French accent ):
ENTIRELY MY FAULT.

133
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,836
IT IS NICE
TO MEET YOU...

134
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:37,905
HOMER.

135
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,306
NO, NO.

136
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,509
HOMER IS MY...
BALL'S NAME.

137
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,310
I'M MARGE.

138
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,078
( chuckling )

139
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,884
YOUR FINGERS ARE SO SLENDER,
SO FEMININE.

140
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:54,221
THEY'RE FAR TOO TAPERED
FOR THE BALL YOU'RE USING.

141
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,890
YOU NEED SOMETHING LIGHTER,
MORE DELICATE.

142
00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:58,392
HERE, USE MY BALL.

143
00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,027
NO. NO, THANK YOU

144
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,029
MISTER, UM...
BRUNSWICK.

145
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,263
CALL ME JACQUES.

146
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,364
JACQUES.

147
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,066
MARGE.

148
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,267
HMM.

149
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,336
MAY I ASK YOU
A BOLD QUESTION?

150
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,270
SURE.

151
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,239
YOU'VE NEVER
BOWLED BEFORE?

152
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,407
NEVER.

153
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,242
THEN I WILL TEACH YOU.

154
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:16,677
I DON'T WANT TO TROUBLE YOU.

155
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,512
NOT AT ALL.
I AM A PROFESSIONAL.

156
00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,213
ROLL THE BALL
FOR ME, MARGE.

157
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:21,281
LET ME SEE YOUR FORM.

158
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,349
ALL RIGHT.

159
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,918
BUT I'M NOT
VERY GOOD.

160
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,022
I CAN HIT THAT
ONE PIN ALL RIGHT

161
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,358
BUT THE REST OF THEM
DON'T EVEN WOBBLE.

162
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,093
I CAN HELP YOU, MARGE.

163
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,294
PICK UP THE BALL.

164
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,863
PICK UP HOMER.

165
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,397
( squeals )

166
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:38,632
NOW, THROW.

167
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:39,900
BUT...

168
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,602
THROW, DAMN YOU.

169
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:48,476
YOU'RE A VERY
GOOD TEACHER.

170
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,578
( humming ):
HERE WE ARE.

171
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,646
YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO DROP ME OFF.

172
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,914
BUT I WANTED TO.

173
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,784
MARGE, DO YOU KNOW
HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU LOOK

174
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,285
IN THE MOONLIGHT?

175
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,788
UM, JACQUES,
I'M A MARRIED WOMAN.

176
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,289
I KNOW, I KNOW.

177
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,758
MY MIND SAYS STOP,
BUT MY HEART

178
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,394
AND MY HIPS
CRY, "PROCEED!"

179
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,295
( groaning )

180
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,831
DARLING, I WANT
TO SEE YOU TOMORROW.

181
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:11,665
MEET ME FOR BRUNCH.

182
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:12,733
WHAT'S BRUNCH?

183
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,134
YOU'D LOVE IT.

184
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,470
IT'S NOT QUITE BREAKFAST.
IT'S NOT QUITE LUNCH.

185
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:19,239
BUT IT COMES WITH A SLICE
OF CANTALOUPE AT THE END.

186
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,674
YOU DON'T GET
COMPLETELY

187
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,342
WHAT YOU WOULD
AT BREAKFAST

188
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:23,844
BUT YOU GET
A GOOD MEAL.

189
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,113
Marge:
YOU SEEM TO KNOW A LOT
ABOUT BRUNCH.

190
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,749
BUT IT TURNED OUT HE WASN'T
INTERESTED IN BRUNCH AT ALL.

191
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,983
( laughing )

192
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,119
YOUR LAUGHTER IS LIKE MUSIC.

193
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,588
BUT IF YOU LAUGH AT WHAT I
SAY NEXT, I WILL DIE.

194
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,456
FOR I AM ABOUT
TO SAY SOMETHING

195
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:37,457
VERY SERIOUS

196
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:38,592
PERHAPS SHOCKING.

197
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:39,860
MARGE, MY DARLING.

198
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,329
I WANT YOU
TO MEET WITH ME AGAIN.

199
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:43,997
THAT DOESN'T
SHOCK ME.

200
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,999
AWAY FROM PRYING EYES

201
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,501
AT MY APARTMENT

202
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,603
THE FIESTA TERRACE.

203
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,271
( gasping )

204
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,174
MARGE, SPEAK TO ME.

205
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,777
IS THURSDAY OKAY?

206
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,311
( tires screeching )

207
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:00,313
( groaning )

208
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:13,527
THANK GOODNESS
I DROVE DOWN THAT
IRONIC STREET.

209
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:16,830
I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION
TO STAY WITH MY HOMIE

210
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,732
AND THERE WAS NO HARM DONE.

211
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,068
SO IF YOU KIND OF

212
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:24,504
MENTALLY SNIP OUT THE PART
WHERE I ALREADY HAD A HUSBAND

213
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,239
THAT'S MY IDEA OF ROMANCE.

214
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,876
MARGE, I WANT YOU
TO STOP SEEING THIS JACQUES.

215
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,210
LET HIM DOWN GENTLY.

216
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,546
BUT OVER THE NEXT
COUPLE OF MONTHS

217
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,181
I WANT YOU TO BREAK IT OFF.

218
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,416
UH, OKAY, HOMER.

219
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:38,351
THAT WAS
A CLOSE ONE, KIDS.

220
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,590
OKAY, MARGE

221
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:45,092
AS LONG AS WE'RE
TRAUMATIZING THE KIDS

222
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,928
I HAVE A SCANDALOUS STORY
OF MY OWN.

223
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,329
Smithers:
GENTLEMEN

224
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,331
MEET YOUR
NEW CO-WORKER,
MINDY SIMMONS.

225
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:54,602
I THINK SHE HAS A DEGREE
IN ENGINEERING OR SOMETHING.

226
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:55,836
HI. HOW'S IT GOING?

227
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,070
PLEASED
TO MEET YOU.

228
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,171
YEAH. DITTO.

229
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,406
HI. HUH?

230
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,709
( gasps )

231
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,045
HOMER, WHAT'S
THE MATTER?

232
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,581
AIN'T YOU NEVER
SEEN A NAKED CHICK

233
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,549
RIDING A CLAM
BEFORE?

234
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:11,719
GOT TO GO!

235
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:15,789
( sighs )

236
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:19,827
I MADE IT THE WHOLE DAY
WITHOUT SEEING HER AGAIN.

237
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,561
( screams )

238
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,130
I MEAN, HELLO!

239
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,700
I GUESS WE'LL BE
GOING DOWN TOGETHER...

240
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:27,901
I MEAN, GETTING OFF TOGETH...
I MEAN...

241
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,269
THAT'S OKAY.

242
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,538
I'LL JUST PUSH THE BUTTON
FOR THE STIMULATOR...

243
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,306
I MEAN ELEVATOR.

244
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,743
THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS,
THINK UNSEXY THOUGHTS...

245
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:38,979
( humming "I Dream of Jeannie")

246
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,949
Homer:
EW!

247
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:42,816
( belches )

248
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,787
WELL, THIS
IS MY FLOOR.

249
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,421
( groaning )

250
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:49,489
( screaming )

251
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:50,824
SEE YOU TOMORROW.

252
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,926
I TRIED TO AVOID HER

253
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,295
BUT WE WERE SENT
TO A NUCLEAR CONVENTION

254
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,197
IN CAPITAL CITY TOGETHER.

255
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,002
TV'S THERE...

256
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,236
BATHROOM'S THERE...

257
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,739
AND THERE'S YOUR
KING-SIZED BED FOR...

258
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,807
( wolf whistle )

259
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,241
( imitating cat )

260
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,276
( panting )

261
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,410
( barking )

262
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,511
( panting )

263
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:12,646
( howling )

264
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:13,681
HUBBA, HUBBA.

265
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:14,581
STOP THAT.

266
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,816
I LOVE MY WIFE
AND FAMILY.

267
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,484
ALL I'LL USE THIS BED FOR
IS SLEEPING, EATING

268
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:18,485
AND MAYBE BUILDING
A LITTLE FORT.

269
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,687
THAT'S IT.

270
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,621
HOMER.

271
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,523
I GOT A REALLY
WICKED IDEA

272
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:26,626
THAT COULD GET US
INTO A LOT OF TROUBLE.

273
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,528
WE HAVE TO FIGHT
OUR TEMPTATION.

274
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,630
NO, HOMER.

275
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,332
LET'S DO IT.

276
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,434
LET'S CALL ROOM SERVICE!

277
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,435
OH.

278
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,604
SOMEONE IS CHARGING ROOM SERVICE

279
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,339
TO THE COMPANY, SIR.

280
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:42,342
WELL, WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT.

281
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,212
FLY, MY PRETTIES.

282
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,680
FLY!

283
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,115
( chittering )

284
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,683
( screaming )

285
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,618
( loud thuds )

286
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,786
OOH.

287
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,755
CONTINUE THE RESEARCH.

288
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,893
THANKS FOR POISONING
THE PLANET, BASTARD!

289
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,061
GET BENT.

290
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,462
NO MORE CHERNOBYLS!

291
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,664
GO TO HELL!

292
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:07,901
I WAS DOING MY BEST
TO RESIST HER

293
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:11,772
BUT AT DINNER, THE FORTUNE
COOKIE PREDICTED DOOM.

294
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,078
THIS WAS A REALLY NICE

295
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,246
NIGHT, HOMER.

296
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,014
YEAH, YEAH.

297
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,750
( sobbing )

298
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:24,251
WHAT'S WRONG?

299
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:25,585
OH, YEAH.

300
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,087
LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW.

301
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,922
WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE SEX.

302
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,357
OH.

303
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,493
WELL... WE DON'T HAVE TO.

304
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,762
YES, WE DO.

305
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,563
THE COOKIE TOLD ME SO.

306
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:39,933
WELL, DESSERTS
AREN'T ALWAYS RIGHT.

307
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,769
BUT THEY'RE SO SWEET.

308
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,937
HOMER...

309
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:46,706
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL

310
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,442
SO... IT, IT'S UP TO YOU.

311
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:50,878
LOOK IN YOUR HEART.

312
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:53,747
I THINK YOU'LL SEE
WHAT YOU WANT.

313
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,064
OH, BABY.

314
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:15,602
THIS WAS
A WONDERFUL IDEA, HOMIE.

315
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:17,370
WHAT HAPPENED TO MINDY?

316
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,306
YES, WHAT DID HAPPEN TO HER?

317
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,741
SHE HIT THE BOTTLE
AND LOST HER JOB.

318
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:22,810
HMM. GOOD.

319
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:25,478
DOES ANYONE ELSE
HAVE A LOVE STORY?

320
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,815
YES, I DO. AND JUST LIKE YOUR
LOVE STORIES,

321
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:32,619
IT'S TRAGIC AND FILLED WITH
HURT FEELINGS AND SCARS
THAT WILL NEVER HEAL.

322
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:34,421
IT STARTED, APPROPRIATELY ENOUGH

323
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:38,091
WITH AN INNOCENT BOY BEING
EMBARRASSED ON VALENTINE'S
DAY.

324
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,063
( sniffling )

325
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,965
POOR RALPH.

326
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,434
HERE YOU GO, RALPH.

327
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,701
( gasping )

328
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,239
YOU CHOO-CHOO-CHOOSE ME?

329
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,174
HAPPY VALENTINE'S.

330
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,445
( sighs )

331
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,280
IT WAS AN UNUSUALLY WARM

332
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,582
FEBRUARY 14,
SO THE CHILDREN WALKED HOME

333
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,783
WITHOUT JACKETS.

334
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:07,620
CAN I WALK YOU HOME...
VALENTINE?

335
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,322
SURE, I GUESS.

336
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:12,425
THAT VALENTINE
SURE WAS FUNNY.

337
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,427
GLAD YOU LIKED IT.

338
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,697
IT SAYS,
"CHOO-CHOO-CHOOSE ME"

339
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:21,034
AND THERE'S A PICTURE
OF A TRAIN.

340
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:22,836
YEAH, NICE GAG.

341
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:26,639
UH... SO...

342
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:31,078
DO YOU LIKE... STUFF?

343
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:36,950
THE DOCTOR SAID I WOULDN'T
HAVE SO MANY NOSEBLEEDS

344
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:39,452
IF I KEPT MY FINGER
OUT OF THERE.

345
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,354
WELL, HERE'S MY HOUSE.

346
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,692
( knock at door )

347
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,999
OH, NO.
IT'S A PACKAGE FROM RALPH.

348
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:56,703
OH, A MALIBU
STACY CONVERTIBLE.

349
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,006
"LOOK IN THE TUNK."

350
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,840
HE MUST MEAN TRUNK.

351
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:06,479
TICKETS TO THE KRUSTY
ANNIVERSARY SHOW!

352
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:10,650
Announcer:
It's the Krusty the Clown
29th Anniversary Show!

353
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,819
HEY!

354
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,421
( applause and cheering )

355
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:15,822
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

356
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,725
LISA, DO YOU WANT
A BITE OF MY ICE CREAM?

357
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:19,859
NO, THANKS.

358
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:21,528
SEND IT THIS WAY, BOY.

359
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:22,896
WHOOPS.

360
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:26,033
OH... NOTHING
GETS CHOCOLATE OUT.

361
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,400
SEE?

362
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:30,170
NOW FOR MY FAVORITE PART
OF THE SHOW.

363
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,871
WHAT'S THAT SAY?

364
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,240
"TALK TO THE AUDIENCE"?

365
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,775
OH, GOD, THIS IS ALWAYS DEATH.

366
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,277
ALL RIGHT.

367
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,812
OH, NO. PLEASE DON'T
SHOW ME WITH RALPH.

368
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:41,781
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SON?

369
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:42,950
RALPH.

370
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,051
( whimpers )

371
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,852
AND IS THIS
YOUR GIRLFRIEND, RALPH?

372
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,887
YES. I LOVE LISA SIMPSON

373
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,890
AND WHEN I GROW UP,
I'M GOING TO MARRY HER.

374
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,359
NO!

375
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,893
YOU LISTEN
TO ME!

376
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:54,962
I DON'T
LIKE YOU!

377
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,296
I NEVER
LIKED YOU!

378
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:57,897
THE ONLY REASON
I GAVE YOU

379
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,266
THAT STUPID
VALENTINE

380
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,468
was 'cause
nobody else would!

381
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,702
WATCH THIS, LISE.

382
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,304
YOU CAN ACTUALLY PINPOINT
THE SECOND

383
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,939
WHEN HIS HEART
RIPS IN HALF.

384
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:09,809
AND... NOW.

385
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,279
( groans )

386
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:16,483
LISA, NOT ALL ROMANCES
TURN OUT THAT WAY.

387
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,818
BART, DO YOU HAVE
A LOVE STORY

388
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:21,054
THAT DOESN'T END
IN HEARTBREAK?

389
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,722
YES, I DO.

390
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,557
THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED

391
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,960
INVITED ME UP TO THE TREE HOUSE.

392
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,997
SHE HAD SOMETHING
VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL ME.

393
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,831
I'M SO HAPPY.

394
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:34,767
I JUST HAD
TO TELL SOMEONE.

395
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,603
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

396
00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:42,109
YOU WON'T BE
NEEDING THIS.

397
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,318
( groaning )

398
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,987
WAIT. THAT DID END
IN HEARTBREAK.

399
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:56,990
THANKS FOR OPENING UP
OLD WOUNDS, MOM.

400
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,992
( sighing )

401
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,037
WELL, AS JERRY LEE LEWIS
WOULD SAY

402
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:13,106
"THERE'S A WHOLE LOT
OF FROWNING GOING ON."

403
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,342
( laughing )

404
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,310
( low growl )

405
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,946
MOM, DOESN'T ANY LOVE STORY
HAVE A HAPPY ENDING?

406
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,781
OF COURSE.

407
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,783
REMEMBER WHEN...

408
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:27,220
YOUR AUNT SELMA GOT MARRIED?

409
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,822
OH, OH, GOOD.

410
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,558
SOON I WILL KILL YOU.

411
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,560
WAIT, WAIT. THAT'S NO GOOD.

412
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,362
I KNOW. YOUR GRANDFATHER.

413
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:36,796
REMEMBER?

414
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,299
IT ALL STARTED ON AN OUTING
FOR DINNER.

415
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,034
SAY, I'VE GOT A NEAT IDEA.

416
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:44,137
WHY DON'T YOU GO IN
AND PICK UP MY MOTHER

417
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:46,906
AND WE'LL ALL GO OUT
TO DINNER?

418
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,542
I'LL BE BACK IN A JIFFY.

419
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,847
THAT'S NOT MY MOTHER.

420
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:56,883
I'LL BE BACK
IN A JIFFY.

421
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,453
CAN I COME TOO?

422
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,223
OH.

423
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,024
THEY HIT IT
OFF RIGHT AWAY

424
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,493
BUT THERE
WERE RIVALS

425
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,228
FOR THE FAIR
LADY'S HAND.

426
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,363
Mrs. Bouvier:
OH...

427
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,699
MY FAVORITE SONG.

428
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,934
THIS IS SO NICE.

429
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:18,538
I CAN'T REMEMBER
WHEN I FELT THIS YOUNG.

430
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:19,939
OH.

431
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,474
I REALLY CAN'T.

432
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:28,081
Mr. Burns:
SAY, SPORT, MIND IF I HAVE
THE NEXT DANCE?

433
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,382
( sputtering )

434
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,718
DON'T SNEAK UP ON A...
OH, YOU...

435
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:34,121
NO NEED FOR THE BLOWN GASKET,
CHARLIE.

436
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,223
I'LL HAVE HER BACK
IN ONE PIECE.

437
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:39,259
( playing "Sing Sing Sing" )

438
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:52,305
Marge:
BUT, IN THE END,
JUST WHEN THINGS LOOKED WORST

439
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:56,143
TRUE LOVE TRIUMPHED.

440
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:59,646
DO YOU, JACQUELINE BOUVIER,
TAKE THIS MAN

441
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,814
TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY
WEDDED HUSBAND?

442
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,883
( organ playing
big band music )

443
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,952
OH, MONTY,
MY FAVORITE SONG.

444
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:09,456
I SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED
NO ROMANTIC MUSIC.

445
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:13,059
MRS. BOUVIER!

446
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,427
MRS. BOUVIER!

447
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:15,462
( screams )

448
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,332
MRS. BOUVIER!

449
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:23,170
HONEY, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO BE MRS. MONTGOMERY BURNS?

450
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:27,073
WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE
MRS. ABRAHAM J. SIMPSON?

451
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,908
NO.

452
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,009
( groans )

453
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:32,111
I DON'T WANT TO BE EITHER.

454
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,980
HOT DIGGETY DAMN!

455
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:37,083
THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

456
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,787
( organ playing recessional )

457
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,626
( sighs )

458
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:52,031
Lisa:
THAT DOESN'T SEEM
LIKE A HAPPY ENDING.

459
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:56,035
THAT SEEMS MORE LIKE A DETACHED
TALE OF MODERN ALIENATION.

460
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,537
I GIVE UP.

461
00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,807
DID ANYBODY LEARN ANYTHING
ABOUT LOVE TONIGHT?

462
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,109
I LEARNED IT SCREWS
EVERYBODY UP.

463
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,312
THERE'S THAT SIDE OF IT

464
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:06,879
BUT THERE'S ALSO...

465
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,881
HELP ME OUT HERE, LISA.

466
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,317
SORRY, MOM.

467
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,685
I'VE DECIDED TO SAVE MY LOVE
FOR SOMEONE

468
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,721
WHO'S GUARANTEED
NOT TO REJECT ME.

469
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,856
( whispering ):
SOON, COREY, SOON.

470
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,359
( deep sigh )

471
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:21,828
WELL, KIDS, I TRIED.

472
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,396
BUT MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

473
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:24,964
WAIT A MINUTE, MARGE.

474
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,399
LOVE ISN'T HOPELESS.

475
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:29,168
LOOK, MAYBE I'M NO
EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT

476
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:32,705
BUT THERE WAS ONE TIME
I GOT IT RIGHT.

477
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:34,140
Marge:
GEE, ARTIE...

478
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,308
WAIT. I DON'T KNOW.

479
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,210
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL EVENING.

480
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,379
LET'S NOT RUIN IT.

481
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:40,680
ARTIE, PLEASE.

482
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,014
COME ON, KISS ME.

483
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,250
OH, ARTIE...

484
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,684
PLEASE?

485
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:46,719
I MEAN IT! NOW STOP IT!

486
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,489
I'M SORRY, MARGE.

487
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,123
TAKE ME HOME, ARTIE.

488
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,869
MARGE, I WOULD
APPRECIATE IT

489
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:06,339
IF YOU DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY
ABOUT MY BUSY HANDS.

490
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:09,175
NOT SO MUCH FOR MYSELF,
BUT I AM SO RESPECTED

491
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,845
IT WOULD DAMAGE
THE TOWN TO HEAR IT.

492
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,013
GOOD NIGHT.

493
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,214
YEAH, RIGHT.

494
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:20,620
( honking )

495
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,221
SHUT UP!

496
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,055
( honking )

497
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,924
I'M OVER AS FAR AS I CAN GO.

498
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:25,925
( honking )

499
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,760
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

500
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:29,796
I'LL WALK IN THE MUD!

501
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,564
HOMER?

502
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:32,599
MARGE?

503
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,066
YEAH. YOU WANT A RIDE?

504
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,101
SURE.

505
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,971
WHEN I GOT HOME,
I REALIZED WHO

506
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,240
I SHOULD HAVE GONE
TO THE PROM WITH.

507
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,409
WHO?

508
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,443
OH.

509
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:44,977
HI, PROM DATE.

510
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:46,112
MARGE

511
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:48,214
POUR VOUS.

512
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,216
MM...

513
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,084
WHY SO GLUM?

514
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:52,985
( sighs )

515
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,354
I GOT A PROBLEM.

516
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,956
ONCE YOU STOP THIS CAR

517
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:59,559
I'M GOING TO HUG YOU
AND KISS YOU

518
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,128
AND I'LL NEVER
BE ABLE TO LET YOU GO.

519
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:05,164
AH, YOUR FIRST KISS.

520
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:07,300
BUT NOT THE LAST.

521
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,582
MMM...

522
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,916
HOMEY.

523
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,018
MMM...
MMM...

524
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,789
SEE, KIDS?

525
00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:32,359
THAT'S WHAT I MEANT
BY ROMANCE.

526
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:34,126
( Lisa and Bart laughing )

527
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,362
( Itchy and Scratchy Theme
plays in distance )

528
00:22:35,955 --> 00:22:37,023
Shh!