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* No sports, no rock,
no information *

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* for mindless chatter,
we're your station. *

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00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,687
KBBL Talk Radio.

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And now Springfield's
favorite conservative

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and author
of the well-selling book

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Only Turkeys Have Left Wings

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Ladies and gentlemen,
Birch Barlow.

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UGH, THAT BARLOW'S
A RIGHT-WING CRACKPOT.

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HE SAID TED KENNEDY
LACKED INTEGRITY.

10
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CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

11
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SWITCH THE STATION.

12
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I CONSIDER MYSELF
POLITICALLY CORRECT

13
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AND HIS VIEWS
MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

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NO, NO, NO, NO, GUYS.

15
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I'M NOT VERY POLITICAL.

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I USUALLY THINK
PEOPLE WHO VOTE

17
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ARE A BIT FRUITY

18
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BUT FOR SOME REASON

19
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THIS BIRCH BARLOW
REALLY SPEAKS TO ME.

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GOOD MORNING,
FELLOW FREEDOM LIKERS.

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BIRCH BARLOW, THE FOURTH BRANCH
OF GOVERNMENT-- THE 51st STATE.

22
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THERE ARE THREE THINGS

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WE'LL NEVER GET RID OF
HERE IN SPRINGFIELD.

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ONE-- THE BATS
IN THE PUBLIC LIBRARY.

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( screaming )

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TWO-- MRS. McFIRLEY'S
COMPOST HEAP.

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( cackling )

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AND THREE-- OUR SIX-TERM MAYOR

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the illiterate, tax-cheating,
wife-swapping, pot-smoking

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spendocrat Diamond Joe Quimby.

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HEY, I AM NO LONGER
ILLITERATE.

32
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WHY ARE WE DOOMED TO THIS
QUIMBY QUAGMIRE, YOU ASK

33
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OH, REASONABLE LISTENER?

34
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BECAUSE THIS TOWN
IS UNDER THE STRANGLEHOLD

35
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OF A FEW TIE-DYED TREE HUGGERS
WHO WOULD RATHER

36
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PLAY HACKY SACK
THAN LOCK UP THE HOMELESS.

37
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MMM...

38
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THIS SOUNDS
AWFULLY CONTROVERSIAL.

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LISA, YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE
CONTROVERSY IN THIS HOUSE.

40
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I DON'T LIKE HIM EITHER, MOM

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BUT I'M DOING A REPORT
ON LOCAL POLITICS FOR MY
SCHOOL PROJECT.

42
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YOU THINK YOU'RE SO BIG

43
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'CAUSE YOUR CLASS
ALWAYS GETS TO DO PROJECTS.

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WELL, UM, I'M DOING
A SCHOOL PROJECT ON... UH...

45
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FIREWORKS.

46
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BART, I WISH YOU
WOULDN'T LIE LIKE THAT.

47
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NOW AS A SPECIAL SENDOFF
AND A WAY TO SAY

48
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GONG HEI FATT CHOY

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TO OUR VISITING
CHINESE PRINCIPALS

50
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BART SIMPSON HAS PROMISED US
A FIREWORKS DISPLAY.

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( approving murmurs )

52
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OH...

53
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WHAT A WEEK.

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HE PROMISED A BIG
FIREWORK DISPLAY.

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BAD STUDENT.

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UH-UH... BAD PRINCIPAL.

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OH...

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So, my friends, let's just
junk those dumbocrats

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and their bleeding-heart
smellfare program.

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I LISTENED TO THIS JERK
ALL MORNING.

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CAN WE LISTEN
TO SOMETHING ELSE?

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WHEN I'M DRIVING THE CAR

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I GET TO CHOOSE
THE RADIO STATION.

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WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING

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WE'LL LISTEN TO YOUR
RADIO STATION.

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* I can feel St. Elmo's Fire

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* burning in me...

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I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

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LET'S SWITCH BACK.

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Alright my friends,
let's go to the phones.

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First up is Bob
from South Springfield.

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Welcome to you, sir.

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Man:
Hello, Birch. Long-time
listener, first-time caller.

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Kudos for bringing the public
back to the Republican Party.

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It's high time people realized
we conservatives

76
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aren't all Johnny Hatemongers
and Charlie Bible Thumps

77
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or even, God forbid,
George Bushes.

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THAT SOUNDS LIKE SIDESHOW BOB!

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YES, MA'AM, SIDESHOW BOB

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YAKKING IT UP ON
THE OLD YAK BOX.

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I'LL SPARE YOU
THE EMBARRASSMENT

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OF ADMITTING YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO SIDESHOW BOB IS.

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WHEW.

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SIDESHOW BOB USED TO BE

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KRUSTY THE CLOWN'S SIDEKICK

86
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BUT IN 1990 HE FRAMED KRUSTY
FOR ARMED ROBBERY

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AND BART GOT HIM
PUT IN JAIL.

88
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WHEN HE GOT OUT,
HE MARRIED AUNT SELMA

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AND TRIED TO MURDER HER.

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Homer:
OH, SIDESHOW BOB.

91
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BART, YOUR MORTAL ENEMY
IS ON THE RADIO!

92
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It's time for more deee-mentia
with Dr. Demento.

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( screaming )

94
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And now

95
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The Funny Five...

96
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I MEANT YOUR OTHER
MORTAL ENEMY

97
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SIDESHOW BOB.

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( gasps )

99
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SIDESHOW BOB?

100
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OH... I'M ONLY TEN

101
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AND I ALREADY GOT
TWO MORTAL ENEMIES.

102
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AND THIS PROPOSED EXPRESSWAY

103
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WILL BRING INCREASED COMMERCE
TO ALL LOCAL MERCHANTS.

104
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( crowd grumbling )

105
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WHAT'S IN IT FOR US?

106
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GIVE US
SOMETHING WE LIKE

107
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OR WE'LL RIDE YOU
OUT OF TOWN
ON A RAIL.

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( clears throat )
WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE LIKE?

109
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SLEEP.

110
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SEXY DAMES,
AND PLENTY OF THEM.

111
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MA-A-A-A-A-TLOCK!

112
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( all agreeing )

113
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WELL, UH, I SUPPOSE
I COULD NAME IT THE, UH...

114
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MATLOCK EXPRESSWAY.

115
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( cheering )

116
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Sideshow Bob:
But it would be myopic of me

117
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to blame all my current woes

118
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on one spiky-haired
little simpleton.

119
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( gulping )

120
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Barlow:
Myopic or, to say the least,
intransigent.

121
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You mentioned some woes there.

122
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Sideshow Bob:
You see, Birch,
I'm presently incarcerated...

123
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( prisoners yelling )

124
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CONVICTED OF A CRIME
I DIDN'T EVEN COMMIT.

125
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HUH! "ATTEMPTED MURDER."

126
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NOW, HONESTLY, WHAT IS THAT?

127
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DO THEY GIVE A NOBEL PRIZE
FOR ATTEMPT CHEMISTRY?
DO THEY?

128
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OH, REALLY NOW,
THIS IS A PERSONAL CALL!

129
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MY-MY-MY FRIENDS,
ISN'T THIS JUST TYPICAL?

130
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ANOTHER INTELLIGENT
CONSERVATIVE HERE

131
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RAILROADED BY OUR
LIBERAL JUSTICE SYSTEM

132
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JUST LIKE...

133
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COLONEL OLIVER NORTH,
OFFICER STACY KOON

134
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AND CARTOON SMOKESPERSON
JOE CAMEL.

135
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WELL, I'VE HAD IT.

136
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I am going to make it
my mission to see

137
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that our friend Bob is set free.

138
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NO!

139
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:39,072
DESPITE BART'S OBJECTIONS,
THE PEOPLE OF SOUTH AFRICA

140
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CAN NOW VOTE IN FREE
DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS.

141
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My friends,
Bob is a political prisoner.

142
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I want every loyal listener
to do everything they can

143
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to get him out of jail.

144
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ALL RIGHT,
YOU HEARD THE MAN.

145
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ONE GRENADE EACH.

146
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,657
MOE, I THINK HE MEANT

147
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THROUGH NONVIOLENT,
GRASSROOTS POLITICAL ACTION.

148
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,531
GEEZ, REALLY? YOU THINK SO?

149
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,232
ALL RIGHT, GIVE THEM BACK.

150
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,867
COME ON, EVERYBODY.

151
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,201
HEY. HEY!

152
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,737
WHO PULLED THE PIN
ON THIS ONE?

153
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VERY WELL.

154
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,176
IF THAT IS THE WAY
THE WINDS ARE BLOWING

155
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LET NO ONE SAY
I DON'T ALSO BLOW.

156
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( crowd chanting )

157
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:23,283
BY SPECIAL ORDER
OF THE MAYOR OF SPRINGFIELD

158
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YOU ARE HEREBY GRANTED
A FULL AND COMPLETE PARDON.

159
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:30,791
CONGRATULATIONS,
ROBERT UNDERDUNK TERWILLIGER.

160
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( yells )

161
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BOAT'S ON
THE OTHER SIDE.

162
00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:39,166
YES. THANK YOU.

163
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:54,314
( howling )

164
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,255
HAIL, BROTHERS.

165
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:03,957
CORANON SILARIA.

166
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:04,958
OZOO MAHOKE.

167
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,326
All:
MAHOKE. MAHOKE.

168
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,296
GENTLEMEN, THE MAYORAL
CAMPAIGN IS UPON US

169
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,799
AND IF WE HOPE TO DEFEAT
THIS JOE QUIMBY

170
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:15,636
WE NEED A CANDIDATE WITH
NAME RECOGNITION AND MEDIA SAVVY

171
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,672
A TRUE LEADER WHO WILL DO
EXACTLY AS HE'S TOLD.

172
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,774
MONTY, I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU.

173
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IF YOU'LL JUST
OPEN THAT DOOR

174
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YOU'LL SEE THE NEXT
MAYOR OF SPRINGFIELD.

175
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:30,417
MAN: VERY NICE.

176
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,619
( gurgles )

177
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:32,486
WHAT'D IT SAY?

178
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:33,420
NO, NO, NO.

179
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,455
BOB. BOB, COME IN.

180
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,660
A FINE MAHOKE TO YOU ALL.

181
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,361
WHY, HE'S EVEN BETTER.

182
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,530
I AGREE.

183
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,598
I LIKE THE HUMAN TOUCH.

184
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,700
Principal Skinner:
NOW, STUDENTS

185
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,802
I WANT YOU TO BE
ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR

186
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:51,204
FOR THIS CAREFULLY
CHOREOGRAPHED MEDIA EVENT.

187
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,707
THIS MEANS NO WISING OFF,
NO FACE MAKING

188
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:55,142
AND NO GRASS EATING.

189
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,610
THIS MEANS YOU, RALPH.

190
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:57,678
YES, SIR.

191
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:58,812
HELLO, CHILDREN.

192
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,280
HELLO, BART.

193
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,148
EEP.

194
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,215
YOUNG FRIENDS

195
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,051
MY OPPONENT, JOE QUIMBY

196
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,353
IS CONFUSED
ABOUT YOUR SCHOOL SYSTEM.

197
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,989
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES?
HE FLIP-FLOPS.

198
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,724
HEY, YA, HI, YA, HO, HO.

199
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,726
( kids gasping )

200
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:17,330
SOMETIMES HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHETHER HE'S COMING OR GOING.

201
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,366
( kids cheering )

202
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,537
HE WANTS TO SELL
YOUR FUTURE SHORT.

203
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,311
WE CAN'T LET BOB
STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT.

204
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,646
WE'LL HAVE TO STOOP

205
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,748
TO THE LOWEST
COMMON DENOMINATOR.

206
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:36,149
I CAN DO THAT.

207
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,417
( yells )

208
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:38,351
HELP!

209
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,054
I'M BEING ATTACKED BY,
UH... THINGS.

210
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:42,422
( Lisa and Bart laugh )

211
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,225
UNCLE MAYOR WAS JUST
SAYING THAT US KIDS

212
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,395
ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT
NATURAL RESOURCE WE HAVE.

213
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:49,697
MORE IMPORTANT THAN COAL?

214
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,531
UH, ER, UH, YES.

215
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:54,467
( murmuring )

216
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:59,272
THAT WAS A BIG
MISTAKE, BART.

217
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,540
NO CHILDREN

218
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,375
HAVE EVER MEDDLED
WITH THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

219
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,144
AND LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT.

220
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,290
UH... STAY OUT
OF RIVERDALE.

221
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:22,229
* WITHOUT A MAYOR QUIMBY,
OUR TOWN WOULD REALLY STINK *

222
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,097
* WE WOULDN'T HAVE A TIRE YARD

223
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,899
* OR MID-SIZE ROLLER RINK

224
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,701
* WE WOULDN'T HAVE OUR GALLOWS

225
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,569
* OR A SHINY BIG FOOT TRAP

226
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:33,306
* IT'S NOT THE MAYOR'S FAULT
THAT THE STADIUM COLLAPSED. *

227
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:36,209
Man:
Quimby-- if you were running
for mayor, he'd vote for you.

228
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,311
Paid for by Mayor Quimby
for Mayor Committee.

229
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,380
HEY, FOUR-EYES,
VOTE QUIMBY.

230
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,582
HEY, BEARD-O,
VOTE QUIMBY.

231
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:45,218
THIS TIME HE'S
THE LESS OF TWO EVILS.

232
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,420
UH, YEAH. YEAH.
I LOVE GRIMBY.

233
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:51,491
UH, COULD I HAVE SOME MORE
BUMPER STICKERS, PLEASE, DUDE?

234
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:57,397
ALL RIGHT.

235
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:01,568
THE MUMMY'S READY
FOR HIS MYSTICAL JOURNEY.

236
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,903
( screaming )

237
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,572
WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

238
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,441
THAT QUIMBY FELLA
PROMISED TO BUILD US

239
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:12,112
A MATLOCK EXPRESSWAY.

240
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:15,282
HOW YOU GOING TO
TOP THAT, SMART GUY?

241
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,950
HMM. WELL, HOW'S THIS?

242
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,086
I'LL NOT ONLY BUILD
THE EXPRESSWAY

243
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,921
I WILL SPEND THE REMAINDER
OF THIS AFTERNOON

244
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:24,457
PATIENTLY LISTENING
TO YOUR INTERMINABLE ANECDOTES.

245
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,859
HOT-DIGGITY-DAMN!

246
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,427
ME FIRST!

247
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,864
NOT MANY PEOPLE
KNOW I OWNED

248
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:33,867
THE FIRST RADIO
IN SPRINGFIELD.

249
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:36,336
WEREN'T MUCH
ON THE AIR THEN

250
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,840
JUST EDISON RECITING
THE ALPHABET

251
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,474
OVER AND OVER.

252
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:44,011
"A," HE'D SAY.

253
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,513
THEN, "B."

254
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,982
"C" WOULD
USUALLY FOLLOW...

255
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,718
( groaning )

256
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,352
Man:
Mayor Quimby supports

257
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,454
revolving-door prisons.

258
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,891
Mayor Quimby even released
Sideshow Bob

259
00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:01,695
a man twice convicted
of attempted murder.

260
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:05,065
Can you trust a man
like Mayor Quimby?

261
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,905
THE LEAGUE OF UNINFORMED VOTERS
PRESENTS

262
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:14,007
THE SPRINGFIELD MAYORAL DEBATES.

263
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,843
I'M YOUR MODERATOR, LARRY KING.

264
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,344
NOW A WORD TO OUR AUDIENCE.

265
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,747
EVEN THOUGH
WE'RE BEING BROADCAST ON FOX

266
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:23,150
THERE'S NO NEED FOR
OBNOXIOUS HOOTING AND HOLLERING.

267
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,384
( hooting and hollering )

268
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,086
( groaning )

269
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,861
( sneezes )

270
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:37,865
I SHOULDN'T HAVE
SHAKEN HANDS WITH
THOSE OLD PEOPLE.

271
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,204
I HOPE THAT FLU DOESN'T
AFFECT HIS PERFORMANCE.

272
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,372
DON'T WORRY.

273
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:49,042
HE'S TAKEN A MILLION
OF THESE CAPSULES.

274
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,443
( groaning )

275
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,879
UH...

276
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,749
SIDESHOW BOB,
COUNCILMAN LES WHINEN

277
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:59,452
SAYS THAT YOU'RE NOT
EXPERIENCED ENOUGH TO BE MAYOR.

278
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:02,122
SIR, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
ABOUT THAT?

279
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:05,893
I'D SAY THAT LES WHINEN
OUGHT TO DO MORE THINKING

280
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,095
AND LESS WHININ'.

281
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:13,066
THERE'S NO
COUNCILMAN LES WHINEN.

282
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,434
GOOD LINE THOUGH.

283
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,804
MAYOR QUIMBY,
YOU ARE WELL-KNOWN, SIR

284
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,638
FOR YOUR LENIENT STANCE ON CRIME

285
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:22,042
BUT SUPPOSE THAT YOUR HOUSE
WAS RANSACKED BY THUGS

286
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,377
YOUR FAMILY TIED UP
IN THE BASEMENT

287
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,079
WITH SOCKS IN THEIR MOUTHS.

288
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,647
YOU TRY TO OPEN THE DOOR

289
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,417
BUT THERE'S
TOO MUCH BLOOD ON THE KNOB...

290
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,718
WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION?

291
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,552
MY QUESTION'S ABOUT

292
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:33,787
THE BUDGET, SIR.

293
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,856
( groaning )

294
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,434
HMM...

295
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,804
I DON'T AGREE WITH HIS
"BART-KILLING POLICY"

296
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:54,374
BUT I DO APPROVE
OF HIS "SELMA-KILLING POLICY."

297
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,744
WELL, HE FRAMED ME
FOR ARMED ROBBERY

298
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:02,315
BUT, MAN, I'M ACHING
FOR THAT UPPER-CLASS TAX CUT.

299
00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:04,417
( clamoring )

300
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,653
SHH, SHH.
QUIET DOWN.

301
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:07,955
And the results are in.

302
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,489
For Sideshow Bob, 100%.

303
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,991
For Joe Quimby, one percent

304
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,494
and we remind you there is
a one-percent margin of error.

305
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,529
( groaning )

306
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,200
All right.

307
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,635
Let's go live
to Bob headquarters now

308
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:25,472
for Mayor Terwilliger's
victory speech.

309
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:29,409
( clearing throat )

310
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:33,413
( loud laughing )

311
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:41,088
Brockman:
And just look how happy he is.

312
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,566
( machinery rumbling )

313
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,501
( screaming )

314
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,037
IT'S THE RAPTURE! QUICK!

315
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,606
GET BART OUT OF THE HOUSE
BEFORE GOD COMES!

316
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,243
SO SORRY, MR. SIMPSON.

317
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,844
YOUR HOUSE IS
BLOCKING CONSTRUCTION

318
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,880
OF OUR NEW MATLOCK EXPRESSWAY.

319
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,683
NOW, I AM A FAIR MAN.

320
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:13,353
YOU WILL HAVE 72 HOURS
TO VACATE.

321
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,422
AT THE TIME, WE WILL
BLOW UP YOUR HOUSE

322
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,257
AND ANY REMAINING SIMPSONS.

323
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,426
HOMER, WE'VE GOT
TO STOP THEM.

324
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:22,095
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO,
MAYOR TERWIGIGER

325
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:25,365
AND NO ONE IN MY FAMILY
WILL STAND FOR IT.

326
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,499
( horn honks )

327
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,902
MOVE YOUR GOL'DERN HOUSE, SON!

328
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,706
BART, BY SPECIAL REQUEST

329
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:37,177
OF THE MAYOR'S OFFICE,
YOU ARE BEING LEFT BACK.

330
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,613
OH... YOU MEAN I HAVE
TO REPEAT THE FOURTH GRADE?

331
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,615
WELL YES, BUT
NOT FOR FOUR OR FIVE YEARS.

332
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,617
YOU'RE GOING TO KINDERGARTEN.

333
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:46,386
KINDERGARTEN?

334
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:47,720
HA!

335
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,857
NOW, BOYS AND GIRLS,
WHO KNOWS WHAT THIS IS?

336
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:51,791
TRIANGLE.

337
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,060
VERY GOOD, BART.

338
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:56,696
YOU HAVE FIRST CHOICE OF TOYS
FOR FREE PLAY.

339
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,765
COOL.
I CALL THE FLINTSTONE PHONE.

340
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:02,402
Yabba-dabba do.

341
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,973
I like talking to you.

342
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:10,643
WE'RE GOING TO LOSE OUR
HOUSE AND END UP
LIVING UNDER A BRIDGE

343
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:11,611
LIKE COMMON TROLLS.

344
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,813
I DON'T THINK BOB WON LEGALLY.

345
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,215
I CAN'T BELIEVE
A CONVICTED FELON

346
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,816
WOULD GET SO MANY VOTES

347
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:19,619
AND ANOTHER CONVICTED FELON
WOULD GET SO FEW.

348
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:24,657
HERE YOU GO.

349
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:27,660
THE RESULTS OF LAST MONTH'S
MAYORAL ELECTION.

350
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:30,130
ALL 48,000 VOTERS
AND WHO THEY VOTED FOR.

351
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,731
I THOUGHT THIS
WAS A SECRET BALLOT.

352
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,632
MEH.

353
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:35,468
( groaning )

354
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:39,839
OKAY.

355
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:43,610
AARON A. AARONSON VOTED FOR...
BOB.

356
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:48,781
AARON AL AARONSON VOTED FOR...
BOB.

357
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:53,620
ARTHUR B. ABLABAB VOTED FOR...
BOB.

358
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,822
( groaning )

359
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,858
( snoring )

360
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:03,997
HEY.

361
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,168
( gasps )

362
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,103
Bart:
SO WHOEVER WROTE THAT NOTE

363
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,971
WANTS TO MEET US HERE TONIGHT?

364
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,706
THIS IS SO COOL, BART.

365
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,542
WE'RE JUST LIKE
WOODWARD AND BERNSTEIN.

366
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:19,179
EXCEPT THEIR DAD WASN'T
WAITING IN THE CAR READING
ARCHIE COMICS.

367
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:22,882
STUCK-UP RIVERDALE PUNKS...
THINK THEY'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME.

368
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,051
( breathing heavily )

369
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,219
YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

370
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:27,554
FOLLOW THE NAMES.

371
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,688
HOW THE HELL

372
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,023
DO YO KNOW?

373
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:36,396
I CAN'T TELL YOU WHO I AM,
BUT I WORKED ON THE CAMPAIGN.

374
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,531
( tires squealing,
horn honking )

375
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:39,799
HEY, MR. SMITHERS!

376
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:44,371
WELL, YOU MIGHT AS WELL
GIVE ME A RIDE HOME NOW.

377
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:47,507
I'VE NEVER GONE BEHIND
MR. BURNS' BACK BEFORE

378
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,410
BUT SIDESHOW BOB'S
ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE VIEWS

379
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,811
CONFLICT WITH MY...

380
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,180
CHOICE OF LIFESTYLE.

381
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,847
( clears throat )

382
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:57,750
I CAN GIVE YOU ONE NAME--
EDGAR NEUBAUER.

383
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,887
FIND HIM
AND YOU'LL FIND YOUR ANSWER.

384
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:06,759
( moaning )

385
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,728
NO EDGAR NEUBAUER.

386
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,366
( evil chuckling )

387
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,104
( screaming )

388
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:19,606
THIS IS HOPELESS.
THEY'RE GOING TO DEMOLISH

389
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:20,673
OUR HOUSE FOR SURE.

390
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,909
WE'LL HAVE TO MOVE
INTO A MOTEL 6.

391
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:26,113
BUT DAD CAN'T AFFORD
SIX DOLLARS A NIGHT.

392
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,281
HEY... LISE!

393
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:29,449
LISE, COME HERE.

394
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,617
I FOUND HIM.

395
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:31,884
I FOUND EDGAR NEUBAUER

396
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:36,956
OH, MY GOD--
THE DEAD HAVE RISEN

397
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,625
AND THEY'RE
VOTING REPUBLICAN.

398
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:39,959
NO, DON'T YOU SEE?

399
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,962
DEAD PEOPLE CAN'T VOTE.

400
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,131
LOOK...

401
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:46,799
PRUDENCE GOODWYFE, DIED 1641.

402
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,436
SHE VOTED FOR BOB TOO.

403
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:53,873
SO DID BUDDY HOLLY, RICHIE
VALENS, AND THE BIG BOPPER.

404
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,576
EVEN THE PET CEMETERY
VOTED FOR BOB.

405
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,378
LOOK-- MR. AND MRS. BANANAS

406
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,912
HUMPHREY BOA-GART

407
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:02,915
OH, MY POOR DEAD KITTY.

408
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,751
PLEASE, NOT YOU TOO.

409
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,787
ALL RIGHT, BOB.

410
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,756
NOW IT'S PERSONAL.

411
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:13,092
HEY. UM...
HE DI TRY TO KILL ME.

412
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,781
( citizens gasp )

413
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:44,191
MR. MAYOR, IS IT TRUE
YOU RIGGED THE ELECTION?

414
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,092
NO, I DID NOT.

415
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,228
KIDS, HELP.

416
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,499
OH, I DON'T MIND.

417
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:56,035
WE WANT THESE CHILDREN TO FEEL
JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED.

418
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,438
THAT WAY THEY CAN
SLEEP SOUNDLY TONIGHT

419
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:02,375
ON THEIR HARD, FECULENT,
MOTEL PILLOWS.

420
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:06,946
WELL, BART, LISA, HERE I AM.

421
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,181
I HAVE A PLAN.

422
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:10,049
I THINK WE CAN TRAP HIM.

423
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,023
SIDESHOW BOB,
I BELIEVE YOU

424
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:19,025
WHEN YOU SAY YOU'RE INNOCENT.

425
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:19,959
INDEED, I AM.

426
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,461
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW

427
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,863
YOU'RE A NAIVE PAWN--
PUPPET, IF YOU WILL--

428
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:26,199
OF THE MOST DIABOLICAL
POLITICAL GENIUS

429
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,401
SPRINGFIELD HAS EVER KNOWN.

430
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,803
BIRCHIBALD T. BARLOW.

431
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,405
( people gasping )

432
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:35,908
( stuttering )

433
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:37,176
YOU DON'T HAVE
THE INTELLIGENCE

434
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,845
TO RIG AN ELECTION BY YOURSELF,
DO YOU?

435
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,880
YOU WERE JUST
BARLOW'S LACKEY.

436
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,215
YOU WERE RONNIE
TO HIS NANCY.

437
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,650
SONNY TO HIS CHER.

438
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,485
RINGO TO HIS REST OF
THE BEATLES.

439
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,719
ENOUGH!

440
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,154
LIES! LIES! LIES!

441
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,556
I DID IT.

442
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:50,890
I DID IT ALL!

443
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,559
( people gasping )

444
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:53,893
THERE.

445
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,662
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT

446
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,264
YOU SMARMY LITTLE BASTARDS?

447
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:58,598
WE WANT THE TRUTH.

448
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,099
YOU WANT THE TRUTH?

449
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:02,034
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

450
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,337
NO TRUTH-HANDLER, YOU.

451
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,840
BAH! I DERIDE YOUR
TRUTH-HANDLING ABILITIES.

452
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:10,277
WILL YOU GET
TO THE POINT?

453
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,545
YES.
ONLY I COULD HAVE EXECUTED

454
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,881
SUCH A MASTERPIECE
OF ELECTORAL FRAUD

455
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:15,882
AND I HAVE

456
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,084
THE RECORDS TO PROVE IT.

457
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:20,086
HERE, JUST LOOK AT THESE.

458
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:23,923
EACH ONE A WORK
OF MACHIAVELLIAN ART.

459
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,293
HMM...

460
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,260
BUT WHY?

461
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:30,697
BECAUSE YOU NEED ME,
SPRINGFIELD.

462
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:34,267
YOUR GUILTY CONSCIENCE
MAY FORCE YOU TO VOTE DEMOCRATIC

463
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:37,937
BUT INSIDE, YOU SECRETLY LONG
FOR A COLD-HEARTED REPUBLICAN

464
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,972
TO LOWER TAXES,
BRUTALIZE CRIMINALS

465
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,941
AND RULE YOU LIKE A KING.

466
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:43,410
THAT'S WHY I DID THIS--

467
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,812
TO PROTECT YOU FROM YOURSELVES.

468
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,815
NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I HAVE A CITY TO RUN.

469
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,950
BAILIFFS,
PLACE THE MAYOR UNDER ARREST.

470
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,051
WHAT? OH, YES.

471
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,287
ALL THAT STUFF I DID.

472
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:56,956
BART, WE DID IT.

473
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,391
NOW WE GET TO KEEP
OUR HOUSE

474
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,893
AND YOU GO BACK
TO FOURTH GRADE.

475
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,228
OH... TOMORROW
WE FIND OUT

476
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,564
WHO THE DISH
RAN AWAY WITH.

477
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,965
THE SPOON, BART.

478
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:07,334
OF COURSE.

479
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,404
( growling )

480
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:14,974
SOMEDAY, I'LL HAVE MY VENGEANCE.

481
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:17,143
SOMEDAY, WHEN I FIND MY WAY OUT

482
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:20,279
OF THIS SAVAGE,
ROACH-RIDDEN CESSPOOL...

483
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,249
SAY, TERWILLIGER'S
A YALIE.

484
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,251
BOB! COME ALONG!

485
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:28,421
WE NEED A NINTH TO ROW
AGAINST THE PRINCETON ALUMS.

486
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:29,656
PRINCETON?!

487
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:31,223
( growling )

488
00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:35,227
STROKE, STROKE...

489
00:22:27,914 --> 00:22:29,582
Shh!