1 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,279 ( bell ringing ) 2 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,383 D-OHH! 3 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:16,684 ( screams ) 4 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:43,411 REMEMBER, BART-- 5 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,346 I MEAN, DANCES IN UNDERWEAR-- 6 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,348 WE TAKE THE WHITE MAN ALIVE. 7 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,016 ALL RIGHT, THINKS TOO MUCH. 8 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,219 IT SHALL BE SO. 9 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,255 KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED FOR INJUNS. 10 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,689 I MEAN NATIVE AMERICANS. 11 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,226 THEY'RE AFTER US BECAUSE WE GAVE THEM 12 00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,727 THOSE BLANKETS INFECTED WITH COOTIES. 13 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,229 I ATE ALL MY CAPS. 14 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,396 ( explosion ) 15 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,198 THROW DOWN YOUR WEAPONS 16 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:07,067 AND KISS THE PRAIRIE, COW DORKS. 17 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:11,139 OH, WHY DO WE HAVE TO PLAY THIS CORNY OLD GAME ANYWAY? 18 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,307 I BROUGHT MY JACKS. 19 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,809 OH, I GOT TWOSIES. 20 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:22,082 THAT'S NOT FAIR, NELSON. 21 00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:24,918 THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE KILLMATIC-3000 BACK THEN. 22 00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:28,956 HEY, RECORDS FROM THAT ERA ARE SPOTTY AT BEST. 23 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,791 ( groans ) 24 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,760 ( bell ringing ) 25 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,329 Marge: BART, LISA, TIME FOR CHURCH. 26 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:38,432 Mrs. Van Houten: MILHOUSE, TIME FOR CHURCH. 27 00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:41,335 Man: SHLOMO, TIME FOR YOUR VIOLIN LESSON. 28 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,637 ( all screaming ) 29 00:01:56,850 --> 00:02:00,254 WHY THE CRAP DO WE HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH ANYWAY? 30 00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:01,989 YOU ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION 31 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,257 WITH THAT COMMODE MOUTH. 32 00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:05,193 YOU KIDS NEED TO LEARN 33 00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,260 MORALS AND DECENCY 34 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:08,128 AND HOW TO LOVE YOUR FELLOW MAN. 35 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:11,665 AND WITH FLAMING SWORDS, THE AROMITES DID PIERCE 36 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,535 THE EYES OF THEIR FELLOW MEN 37 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,471 AND DID FEAST ON WHAT FLOWED FORTH. 38 00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,773 AMONG WHOM ALSO WE ALL ONCE CONDUCTED OURSELVES 39 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,975 IN THE LUST OF OUR FLESH... 40 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,545 * I'M A TROLL MAN 41 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:27,114 * DOO-DOO, DOO-DOO, DOO-DOO, DOO * 42 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,183 Marge: I DON'T WANT YOU 43 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:32,353 PLAYING WITH SOMETHING THAT HAS SUCH BIZARRE HAIR. 44 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,988 AWFUL, AWFUL HAIR. 45 00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:37,024 MMM! 46 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,196 AND NOW, MY DAUGHTER JESSICA 47 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,365 WHO HAS JUST RETURNED FROM BOARDING SCHOOL 48 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:47,301 WILL READ THE SAME PASSAGE I JUST READ. 49 00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:50,204 I NOTICED A FEW OF YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION. 50 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,705 OH! 51 00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:54,342 ( gasps ) 52 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,146 WOW! 53 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,748 THERE IS A GOD. 54 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:06,354 I'M TELLING YOU, THE LIGHT WOULD WORK BETTER 55 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:08,256 IF IT POINTED OUT TO SEA. 56 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,690 SHUT UP. 57 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,459 I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. 58 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,728 YAR, I HATE THE SEA 59 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:17,197 AND EVERYTHING IN IT. 60 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:18,899 BYE. BYE-BYE, BYE-BYE. 61 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,269 THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING OUR CHURCH. 62 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,604 I'VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY ABOUT A GIRL BEFORE. 63 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:27,441 MY LONG SEARCH IS FINALLY OVER. 64 00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,610 ( clearing throat ) 65 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,683 HI, I'M BART SIMPSON. 66 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,386 I WAS INCREDIBLY MOVED BY YOUR READING. 67 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,922 I DON'T THINK GOD'S WORDS HAVE EVER SOUNDED SO PLAUSIBLE. 68 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,191 THANKS, ART. 69 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,727 I HAVE TO GO... OVER HERE NOW. 70 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,129 OH! 71 00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,598 ( moaning ) 72 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,200 DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF, BART. 73 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,936 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT JESSICA DOESN'T LIKE YOU. 74 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,538 IS IT MY HAIR, MY OVERBITE 75 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,773 THE FACT I'VE WORN THE SAME CLOTHES 76 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,309 DAY IN, DAY OUT FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS? 77 00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,277 NO, BART. I JUST THINK YOU AND JESSICA ARE TOO DIFFERENT 78 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,245 FROM EACH OTHER TO GET ALONG. 79 00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:07,715 SHE'S A SWEET, KIND REVEREND'S DAUGHTER 80 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,150 AND YOU'RE THE DEVIL'S CABANA BOY. 81 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,656 GOOD. 82 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,257 VERY GOOD. 83 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,460 RALPH, JESUS DID NOT HAVE WHEELS. 84 00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,330 ( gasping ) 85 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,331 BART SIMPSON? 86 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:24,732 YES, MA'AM. 87 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,835 I'D LIKE TO RETURN TO YOUR WONDERFUL SUNDAY SCHOOL. 88 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,338 BUT, BART, WE BANNED YOU FROM SUNDAY SCHOOL. 89 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:34,241 YOU WERE HAPPY, WE WERE HAPPY, EVERYBODY WAS HAPPY. 90 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,276 PARTICULARLY THE HAMSTER. 91 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,648 I'VE CHANGED MY WAYS. 92 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:43,617 PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE, MA'AM. 93 00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,252 ALL RIGHT, BART. 94 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,321 THE BIBLE DOES TEACH FORGIVENESS. 95 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:48,789 CLASS 96 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:51,659 I WANT YOU TO WELCOME BACK OUR PRODIGAL SON. 97 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,661 WHAT'S PRODIGAL MEAN? 98 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,095 OH, DEAR. 99 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,264 THE GREAT THING ABOUT SUNDAY SCHOOL 100 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,601 IS WE'RE FINALLY LEARNING SOMETHING WE CAN USE. 101 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,770 YEAH, SO TRUE. 102 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,706 I HAVE TO TURN MY CHAIR THIS WAY NOW. 103 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:10,210 SOMEHOW I GOT TO CONVINCE HER I'M A GOOD PERSON. 104 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:14,382 ALL RIGHT. I HAVE TO SIT HERE AND BEHAVE NO MATTER WHAT. 105 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:17,117 CLASS, WE HAVE A SPECIAL TREAT TODAY 106 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,352 FOR PASS-AROUND-- 107 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:22,122 A REPLICA OF THE SLINGSHOT DAVID USED TO SLAY GOLIATH. 108 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,124 WHILE YOU KIDS ARE LOOKING AT THAT 109 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,326 I'LL BUSY MYSELF IN THIS FILE CABINET. 110 00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:35,068 MUST... FIGHT... SATAN. 111 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,406 MAKE IT... UP TO HIM... 112 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,709 ...LATER. 113 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,010 ( sighs ) 114 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:46,146 YOU KNOW, I WAS CONSIDERING STAYING AFTER SCHOOL 115 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,582 AND HELPING TEACHER CLEAN UP. 116 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:52,720 DO YOU EVER THINK ANYTHING YOU DON SAY? 117 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,855 ( shouting and cheering ) 118 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:58,191 THERE IS JUST NO PLEASING A GIRL LIKE THAT. 119 00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:01,228 ALL THAT UNNECESSARY BEHAVING. 120 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,564 I'M ALL TENSE THROUGH THE CHESTAL AREA. 121 00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,766 I NEED RELIEF. 122 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,676 THE KILT WAS ONLY FOR DAY-TO-DAY WEAR. 123 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,344 IN BATTLE 124 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,581 WE DONNED A FULL-LENGTH BALL GOWN COVERED IN SEQUINS. 125 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:24,317 THE IDEA WAS TO BLIND YOUR OPPONENT WITH LUXURY. 126 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,054 ( gasping ) 127 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,590 AH, 'TIS NO MORE THAN WHAT GOD GAVE ME 128 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,559 YOU PURITAN PUKES. 129 00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:32,893 ( laughing ) 130 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,562 THAT WILL HOLD ME... 131 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:38,932 AT LEAST TILL I GET MY HANDS ON SOME KIND OF EXPLOSIVES. 132 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:39,967 ( gasps ) 133 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,406 CONGRATULATIONS, SIMPSON. 134 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,275 YOU JUST FELL FOR OUR STING 135 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,778 AND WON YOURSELF THREE MONTHS' DETENTION. 136 00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:54,147 THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SCOTCHTOBERFEST. 137 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,248 THERE'S NOT? 138 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:57,150 YOU USED ME, SKINNER! 139 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,219 YOU USED ME! 140 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,254 THREE MONTHS? 141 00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:05,158 HI, BART. 142 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,661 I SAW THE WAY THEY SET YOU UP. 143 00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:10,063 THAT WAS REALLY UNFAIR. 144 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,465 WANT TO HAVE DINNER 145 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,100 AT MY HOUSE TONIGHT? 146 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,102 REALLY? 147 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,070 UH... SURE. 148 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,572 GREAT. 149 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,140 WE EAT AT 7:00. 150 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:23,577 THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO AT A MOMENT LIKE THIS... 151 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:24,978 STRUT. 152 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:29,282 ( "Stayin' Alive" playing ) 153 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,428 I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LITTLE BOY 154 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,464 IS ALREADY GOING ON HIS FIRST DATE. 155 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:47,367 * SUNRISE, SUNSET 156 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,370 * SUNRISE, SUNSET... 157 00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:53,507 * CATS IN THE CRADLE AND THE SILVER SPOON... * 158 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:56,143 * YES, WE HAVE NO BANANAS. 159 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,310 ( sobbing ) 160 00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,146 OH, THAT'S SWEET, HOMER. 161 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,515 OUR SON IS GROWING UP, ISN'T HE? 162 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:02,783 NO, IT'S NOT THAT. 163 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,284 DIDN'T YOU HEAR? 164 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,953 THEY HAVE NO BANANAS. 165 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,322 THEY HAVE NO BANANAS TODAY! 166 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,629 SO, BART, HOW'S SCHOOL GOING? 167 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,698 JESSICA ALWAYS GETS STRAIGHT A's. 168 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,067 IN MY FAMILY, GRADES AREN'T THAT IMPORTANT. 169 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,570 IT'S WHAT YOU LEARN THAT COUNTS. 170 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,572 6 x 5-- WHAT IS IT? 171 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,574 ACTUALLY, NUMBERS DON'T HAVE MUCH USE 172 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,208 IN MY FUTURE CAREER-- 173 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,578 OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL ROCKET SLED CHAMP. 174 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:33,413 I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS AN OLYMPIC EVENT. 175 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:36,083 WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW COULD FILL A WAREHOUSE. 176 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:36,917 ( gasping ) 177 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,652 YOUNG MAN, EXPLAIN YOURSELF. 178 00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:41,188 SORRY. I HAVE KIND OF A SHORT FUSE... 179 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,990 WHICH SOME FIND CHARMING. 180 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,058 SPEAKING OF CHARMING 181 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:48,829 WATCHING FOX LAST NIGHT, I HEARD A RATHER AMUSING STORY. 182 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,865 THIS CHARACTER NAMED MARTIN WAS FEELING RATHER RANDY 183 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,767 AND HE WAS HEARD TO REMARK... 184 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:57,605 AND DON'T YOU EVER COME NEAR MY DAUGHTER AGAIN. 185 00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,908 NEVER HAVE I HEARD SUCH GRATUITOUS USE OF THE WORD BUTT. 186 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:01,909 BUT, BUT... 187 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,677 MAKE HIM STOP. BUT, BUT, BUT... 188 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,145 MAKE HIM STOP! 189 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:15,088 YOU'RE BAD, BART SIMPSON. 190 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,523 NO, I'M NOT. 191 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,058 YES, YOU ARE. 192 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,559 AND I LIKE IT. 193 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,561 I'M BAD TO THE BONE, HONEY. 194 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:22,429 LET'S GO FIND SOME FUN. 195 00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:23,731 BUT YOUR FATHER SAID-- 196 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:26,466 I TOLD THE REV I WAS GOING TO MY ROOM 197 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:27,968 TO SAY MY PRAYERS. 198 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:32,139 SMART, BEAUTIFUL AND A LIAR. 199 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:35,508 SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT SARAH, PLAIN AND TALL. 200 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,561 RIGHT THERE. 201 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,730 PUT IT RIGHT THERE. 202 00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,165 EXCELLENT. 203 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,767 YOU'RE INCREDIBLE, JESSICA. 204 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,103 YOUR THROWS, YOUR CATCHES, YOUR SPIRALS, YOUR LOOPS. 205 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:06,674 IT'S LIKE THE TOILET PAPER IS AN EXTENSION OF YOUR BODY. 206 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:09,609 NO WAY WOULD A MINISTER'S DAUGHTER 207 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,611 GO OUT WITH YOU. 208 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,781 OH, YEAH? I'LL PROVE IT. 209 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,683 HEY, JESSICA. 210 00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,251 YES, AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU? 211 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,153 WE JUST... 212 00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:22,823 THAT'S FOR BESMIRCHING AN INNOCENT GIRL'S NAME. 213 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,526 WHY? 214 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,528 I'M SORRY, BART. 215 00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:32,132 YOU KNOW MY PARENTS CAN'T FIND OUT ABOUT US. 216 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:36,670 AND BESIDES, IF IT'S SECRET, IT'S EVEN MORE EXCITING. 217 00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,171 I GUESS. 218 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,707 WANT TO GO SKATEBOARDING? 219 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:43,677 ACTUALLY, I WAS HOPING I COULD SIT DOWN FOR JUST A SECOND. 220 00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:46,880 COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN. 221 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,150 WOW! 222 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,720 NOW I HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO ANYTHING. 223 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,154 OH! 224 00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,323 JUST GIVE ME TWO MINUTES. 225 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,129 JESSICA, I THINK THIS IS TOO STEEP. 226 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:06,533 BART, YOU CAN'T TRUST YOUR PERCEPTION AT THIS ALTITUDE. 227 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,169 ( screaming ) 228 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:10,871 ( laughing ) 229 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:14,541 ACTUALLY, IF THE ROAD SURFACE MAINTAINS ITS INTEGRITY 230 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:17,778 I JUST MIGHT BE ABLE TO HOLD ON. 231 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,919 ( sighs ) 232 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:28,421 ( screams ) 233 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:31,925 ( sighs ) 234 00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,695 OH, THE GLUE WILL SLOW ME DOWN. 235 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,030 ANY GLUE LEAKING? 236 00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:39,032 NO, THAT GLUE AIN'T GOING NOWHERE. 237 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,701 NOTHING'S EVER GOING TO STOP ME. 238 00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,405 ( squealing ) 239 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,580 Man: OH, NO. THERE GOES THE GLUE AFTER ALL. 240 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:56,750 NO! 241 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,455 FUN, HUH? 242 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,491 ( gurgling ) 243 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,163 ( meowing ) 244 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,700 HAVE YOU NOTICED ANY CHANGE IN BART? 245 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,868 NEW GLASSES? 246 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:18,105 NO. HE LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING MIGHT BE DISTURBING HIM. 247 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,207 PROBABLY MISSES HIS OLD GLASSES. 248 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,709 WE COULD GET MORE INVOLVED IN BART'S ACTIVITIES 249 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,712 BUT THEN I'D BE AFRAID OF SMOTHERING HIM. 250 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,714 THEN WE'D GET THE CHAIR. 251 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,949 THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. 252 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,650 IT WAS, MARGE. ADMIT IT. 253 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:31,819 ( bell ringing ) 254 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,422 HI. 255 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:36,824 WE SHOULD GET TO CLASS. 256 00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:37,757 WHAT'S THE HURRY? 257 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:39,659 WE COULD GET IN TROUBLE FOR BEING LATE. 258 00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:41,594 OH, YOU WORRY TOO MUCH. 259 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:44,431 COME ON. IF YOU STAY HERE A WHILE 260 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,533 I'LL LET YOU HOLD MY HAND. 261 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,472 ( alarm ringing ) 262 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:53,406 TEAMWORK. 263 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,774 COME ON, BART. 264 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,883 IF I DON'T SAVE THE WEE TURTLES, WHO WILL? 265 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,822 SAVE ME FROM THE WEE TURTLES. 266 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:11,258 THEY WERE TOO QUICK FOR ME. 267 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,026 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, BART. 268 00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:15,495 I'D ALWAYS THOUGHT JESSICA WAS SO SWEET. 269 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,030 SHE'S LIKE A MILK DUD-- 270 00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:20,433 SWEET ON THE OUTSIDE, POISON ON THE INSIDE. 271 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,869 YOU GOTTA GIVE HER UP. 272 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,603 NO, WAIT. HEAR MY PLAN. 273 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,672 PUT UP WITH HER FOR SEVEN MORE YEARS. 274 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,474 THEN WE'LL GET MARRIED. 275 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,109 ONCE THE FIRST BABY COMES ALONG, 276 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,144 SHE'S BOUND TO SETTLE DOWN AND START TREATING ME RIGHT. 277 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,846 AFTER ALL, I DESERVE IT. 278 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:36,616 BART, IT'S NAIVE TO THINK YOU CAN CHANGE A PERSON... 279 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,786 EXCEPT MAYBE THAT BOY WHO WORKS IN THE LIBRARY. 280 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,956 DO YOU HAVE GO, DOG, GO? 281 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,724 THAT'S IN JUVENILE. 282 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,393 THIS IS YOUNG ADULT. 283 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:49,629 WELL-READ, AND JUST A LITTLE WILD. 284 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,966 OOH, IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD TAME HIM. 285 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,367 YOU'RE RIGHT, LISA. 286 00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:56,403 LOVE ISN'T ABOUT FIXING SOMEONE. 287 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,006 I'M GOING TO GIVE HER UP COLD TURKEY. 288 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:02,842 I'M NOT GOING TO TALK TO HER OR SEE HER. IT'S OVER. 289 00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,677 THANKS FOR THE ADVICE, SIS. 290 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:05,879 ( sighing ) 291 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,824 IF I CAN JUST GET THROUGH THIS MANY DAYS 292 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,526 WITHOUT SEEING HER 293 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,029 SHE SHOULD BE COMPLETELY OUT OF MY SYSTEM. 294 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,863 OKAY, DAY ONE. 295 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,436 TIME FOR CHURCH, BART. 296 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:32,072 I BET YOUR LITTLE FRIEND JESSICA WILL BE THERE. 297 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:32,940 D-OHH! 298 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,045 ( soprano singing ) 299 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,846 JESSICA. 300 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,248 BART, BE STRONG. 301 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,916 YOU DON'T NEED THAT LITTLE HELLCAT. 302 00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:47,955 OH, LISE, SHE'S ALREADY DRAWING ME TO HER 303 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:51,058 WITH HER BEAUTIFUL SIREN SONG. 304 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:57,564 ( singing in falsetto ) 305 00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:01,801 OH, THAT'S VERY DISTURBING. 306 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,037 HEY, BART. 307 00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,138 WHAT'S WRONG? 308 00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:06,539 WELL, JESSICA 309 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,709 I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD HANG OUT TOGETHER ANYMORE. 310 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,611 YOU'RE TURNING ME INTO A CRIMINAL 311 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:14,881 WHEN ALL I WANT TO BE IS A PETTY THUG. 312 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:18,685 OH, GOOD. HERE COMES THE COLLECTION PLATE. 313 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,162 HOMER! 314 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,998 WE CAN SPARE IT, MARGE. 315 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,165 WE'VE BEEN BLESSED. 316 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:35,102 YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING, BART. 317 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,337 I HAVE BEEN TOO RECKLESS. 318 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:41,708 FROM NOW ON, I AM GOING TO SETTLE DOWN. 319 00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,980 JESSICA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 320 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:49,983 IT TAKES MONEY TO START A NEW LIFE. 321 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,585 STEALING FROM THE COLLECTION BASKET IS WRONG. 322 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,087 EVEN I KNOW THAT. 323 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,355 FINE. 324 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,757 YOU JUST LOST YOUR CUT. 325 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,159 I'LL JUST TAKE THAT. 326 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:00,994 ( gasps ) 327 00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:02,695 EVERYONE TURN AROUND 328 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,097 AND LOOK AT THIS. 329 00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:04,964 ( gasping ) 330 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,100 WHAT IS IT, A UNITARIAN? 331 00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:10,203 ( clamoring ) 332 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:12,639 JUST RELAX. FOR ONCE, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. 333 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,308 JUST EXPLAIN YOURSELF AND EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND. 334 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,809 I... 335 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:17,877 TOOK THE MONEY. YES WE KNOW.. 336 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,012 HE CONFESSED. 337 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:20,647 OKAY. 338 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,252 Man: HE'S HEADED FOR THE WINDOW. 339 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,291 SON, IF YOU CAN LOOK ME IN THE EYE 340 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,160 AND SAY YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE COLLECTION MONEY 341 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,562 THAT'S ALL I NEED. 342 00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:36,996 I DIDN'T TAKE IT. 343 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,131 WHY, YOU LITTLE... 344 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,132 HOW CAN YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE 345 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,200 AND LIE LIKE THAT? 346 00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,168 HOMER, STOP THAT. 347 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,469 I BELIEVE HIM. 348 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,671 IF HE DIDN'T TAKE THE MONEY 349 00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,374 WHY IS HE WEARING THOSE FANCY CLOTHES? 350 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,309 THAT'S WHAT HE WORE TO CHURCH. 351 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,977 OOH, HOW CONVENIENT. 352 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,913 BART, HONEY, DO YOU KNOW WHO D TAKE THE MONEY? 353 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,484 NO. 354 00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,420 SEE, SON? TELLING THE TRUTH ISN'T SO BAD. 355 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:07,394 ( booing ) 356 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,595 CROOK! THIEF! 357 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,397 STEALING MONEY FROM THE CHURCH. 358 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,835 WE'VE GOT TO TALK. 359 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,338 LISTEN, THANKS FOR NOT TURNING ME IN. 360 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,739 THAT WAS SWEET. 361 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,909 IT SEEMS LIKE IF YOU REALLY CARE FOR ME, YOU SHOULD COME FORWARD. 362 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,411 IT'S BECAUSE I CARE FOR YOU 363 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:27,214 THAT I CAN'T COME FORWARD. 364 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,782 THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. 365 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,018 ALRIGHT, THEN I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT, OKAY? 366 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,853 JESSICA, YOU'RE REALLY BEAUTIFUL 367 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,422 BUT Y ARE NOT VERY NICE. 368 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,090 DUH. 369 00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:39,559 THE WAY YOU'RE TREATING ME, WHY SHOULD I PROTECT YOU? 370 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:43,062 BECAUSE IF YOU TELL, NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU. 371 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:46,866 REMEMBER, I'M THE SWEET, PERFECT MINISTER'S DAUGHTER 372 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,435 AND YOU'RE JUST YELLOW TRASH. 373 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:49,469 HUH? 374 00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:56,042 SO HERE'S WHERE YOU'RE HIDING. 375 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,610 THIS IS MY ONLY REFUGE 376 00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,312 FROM THE TAUNTS AND ACCUSATIONS 377 00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:00,247 OF THE TOWNSPEOPLE. 378 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,481 THIEF. 379 00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,218 WE CAN'T JUST LET HER GET AWAY WITH THIS! 380 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,253 GIVE IT UP, LISE. 381 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,155 SHE'S A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND. 382 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:09,656 SHE'S GOT 108 I.Q. 383 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:12,492 SHE READS AT A FIFTH GRADE LEVEL 384 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:16,263 AND... HER HAIR SMELLS LIKE RED FROOT LOOPS. 385 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:20,933 YEAH? WELL, I EAT FROOT LOOPS FOR BREAKFAST. 386 00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,769 BECAUSE OF LAST WEEK'S PROBLEMS 387 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,671 WE'LL BE TAKING CERTAIN PRECAUTIONS 388 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,406 WITH THIS WEEK'S COLLECTION. 389 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,441 WE SHOULDN'T HAVE LET THEM DO THIS. 390 00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,310 IT CAN'T BE HELPING HIS SELF-ESTEEM. 391 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:33,346 NOW FOR OUR OFFERTORY READING, LISA SIMPSON 392 00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:36,149 WHO WE'LL ALL BE KEEPING AN EYE ON. 393 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:40,520 I KNOW MOST OF YOU HAVE ALREADY JUDGED MY BROTHER GUILTY 394 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,021 WITHOUT ANY PROOF 395 00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:44,524 BUT DOESN'T THE BIBLE TEACH US 396 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,693 "JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED"? 397 00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,161 I THINK IT MAY BE 398 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,330 SOMEWHERE TOWARDS THE BACK. 399 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,800 THERE IS SOMEONE AMONG US WITH A GUILTY CONSCIENCE. 400 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,535 AFTER MUCH SOUL SEARCHING 401 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:59,005 I DECIDED IT WOULD BE WRONG OF ME TO NAME NAMES 402 00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:02,975 BUT I URGE THAT GUILTY PERSON, HERE, UNDER THE EYES OF GOD 403 00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:06,179 TO COME FORWARD, TO CONFESS AND SAVE YOURSELF 404 00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:09,316 FROM THE TORMENT OF YOUR OWN PERSONAL HELL! 405 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,884 I SMELLED SOME MARIJUANA SMOKE IN VIETNAM! 406 00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:14,521 I WAS THE ONE THAT CANCELED STAR TREK. 407 00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:17,690 I LEFT MY PORSCHE KEYS INSIDE MRS. GLICK. 408 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,660 I AM TALKING TO THE COLLECTION MONEY THIEF. 409 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:25,565 ONLY YOU CAN COME FORWARD AND END THIS INJUSTICE. 410 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,536 OH, WHAT THE HECK. 411 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,871 IT WAS JESSICA LOVEJOY! 412 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:32,972 ( all gasping ) 413 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,374 IF YOU SEARCH HER ROOM 414 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:37,043 I AM CERTAIN YOU WILL FIND THE MONEY. 415 00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,579 TO THE LITTLE GIRL'S ROOM. 416 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,550 THAT'S THE COLLECTION MONEY. 417 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,718 OH, YEAH. SMELLS LIKE CHURCH. 418 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:48,388 WELL, I GUESS IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT'S HAPPENED HERE. 419 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:50,357 BART SIMPSON HAS SOMEHOW MANAGED 420 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:52,459 TO SNEAK HIS BEDROOM INTO MY HOUSE. 421 00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,397 WELL, COME ON, USE YOUR IMAGINATIONS. 422 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,098 NO, DAD. 423 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,367 I DID IT. 424 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:05,405 IT'S YOUR CLASSIC CRY FOR ATTENTION. 425 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:06,873 WELL, YOUNG LADY, I SUPPOSE 426 00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:09,576 WE BROUGHT YOU HOME FROM BOARDING SCHOOL 427 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,710 A LITTLE PREMATURELY. 428 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:13,346 I WAS EXPELLED, DAD. 429 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:16,215 REMEMBER THE PIPE BOMB, THE GLEE CLUB BRAWL? 430 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,918 REMEMBER THE SCHOOL CHAPEL COLLECTION PLATE? 431 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,920 * BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES... * 432 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,054 COME ON, DAD! 433 00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:24,357 * SHEEP WILL ALL BE MARCHING... * 434 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:28,395 I THINK YOU ALL OWE MY SON AN APOLOGY. 435 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,929 THAT'S OKAY. 436 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,631 APPRECIATE IT. 437 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:32,999 MM-HMM. 438 00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:38,037 HI, JESSICA. 439 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,306 HI, BART. 440 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,940 COME TO WATCH ME SUFFER? 441 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,075 I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW 442 00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,312 THAT EVEN THOUGH THIS WAS A DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE 443 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,314 I REALLY LEARNED A LOT. 444 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:51,050 I'M A LITTLE WISER AND A LITTLE LESS NAIVE. 445 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,286 WELL, I LEARNED THAT 446 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,722 I CAN MAKE MEN DO WHATEVER I WANT. 447 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,957 WELL, DON'T YOU SEE, JESSICA? 448 00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,493 THEN YOU REALLY HAVEN'T LEARNED... 449 00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:02,762 UM, WOULD YOU FINISH SCRUBBING THESE STEPS FOR ME? 450 00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:04,096 WILL I? 451 00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,100 HEY, JESSICA. 452 00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:09,101 COMING. 453 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,839 POOR SUCKER. 454 00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:17,810 IT'S AMAZING WHAT SOME GUYS WILL DO FOR A PRETTY FACE. 455 00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:19,178 NOT ME, THOUGH. 456 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,614 WAIT TILL SHE SEES THE SECOND-RATE JOB 457 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,215 I DO ON THESE STAIRS. 458 00:22:20,206 --> 00:22:21,474 SHH!