1
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,279
( bell ringing )

2
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,383
D-OHH!

3
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:16,684
( screams )

4
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:38,406
Man:
It's Channel Six Action News.

5
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,544
AH, ACTION NEW THE LAST PLACE

6
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:46,414
AN IMPRESSIONABLE KID
CAN GO FOR TV VIOLENCE.

7
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,082
Now, here's
your action anchor

8
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,217
Kent Brockman.

9
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,518
HELLO. I'M KENT BROCKMAN.

10
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,952
OUR TOP STORIES TONIGHT:

11
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:54,222
A TREMENDOUS EXPLOSION
IN THE PRICE OF LUMBER.

12
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,690
"PRESIDENT REAGAN DYES...

13
00:00:56,724 --> 00:01:00,060
HIS HAIR," SAYS GARRY TRUDEAU
IN HIS NEW MUSICAL COMEDY REVUE.

14
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,929
BUT FIRST, LET'S CHECK
THE DEATH COUNT

15
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:04,098
FROM THE KILLER STORM
BEARING DOWN ON US

16
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,200
LIKE A SHOTGUN FULL OF SNOW.

17
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:09,370
WELL, KENT, AS OF NOW,
THE DEATH COUNT IS ZERO

18
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,439
BUT IT IS READY
TO SHOOT RIGHT UP.

19
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,073
OH, MY GOD.

20
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,243
DAMN YOU, SNOW!

21
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:16,977
ALL RIGHT,
SNOW DAY!

22
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,246
NO SCHOOL
TOMORROW.

23
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:20,948
Lisa:
THAT DOESN'T MEAN

24
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:21,982
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
YOUR BOOK REPORT.

25
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,050
WHAT IF THE WEATHERMAN
IS WRONG?

26
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,051
LISA,

27
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,654
THAT MAN IS A PROFESSIONAL
METEOROLOGIST.

28
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:27,755
Kent, I'd like
to remind

29
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,790
everybody to come down
and watch me

30
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,125
at the Springfield
Laugh 'n' Brew

31
00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:32,993
and Burgers 'n' Fries
this Saturday.

32
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,262
The forecast calls

33
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,165
for a 75% chance
of hilarity.

34
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,799
I LIKE THOSE ODDS.

35
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,203
SNOWBALL FIGHT!

36
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:45,339
( laughter )

37
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,614
YOU'RE GOING TO EAT
A BLIZZARD OF...

38
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,250
UNSEASONABLE WARMTH?

39
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:57,185
I MADE THE SNOWBALL

40
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:59,220
FROM THE FROST IN OUR FREEZER.

41
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,356
NICE P.J.s

42
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:03,824
SIMPSON.

43
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,793
DID YOUR MOMMY BUY THEM FOR YOU?

44
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,027
OF COURSE SHE DID.

45
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,196
WHO ELSE
WOULD HAVE?

46
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:13,567
ALL RIGHT, SIMPSON,
YOU WIN THIS ROUND.

47
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,137
OKAY, IT'S BOOK REPORT TIME.

48
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,139
WE'LL DO THEM
ALPHABETICALLY.

49
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:20,974
TODAY IT'S
"A" THROUGH "M."

50
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:22,210
I'M SAVED.

51
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,445
I LOVE BEING A S-S-S-SIMPSON.

52
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,548
LET'S SEE, WE HAVE NO A's,
SO LET'S GO RIGHT TO THE B's.

53
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:28,549
BART?

54
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,550
HUH?

55
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:30,518
HA!

56
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:31,519
MRS. KRABAPPEL

57
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:34,154
I... DIDN'T...

58
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,056
Attention.
This is Principal Skinner

59
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:39,227
your principal, with a message
from the principal's office.

60
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,195
All students please
proceed immediately

61
00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:42,196
to an assembly

62
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,164
in the Butthead
Memorial Auditorium.

63
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:46,967
DAMN IT, I WISH WE HADN'T LET
THE STUDENTS NAME THAT ONE.

64
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,871
CHILDREN, THE TIMES THEY ARE
A-BECOMING QUITE DIFFERENT.

65
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,874
TEST SCORES ARE
AT AN ALL-TIME LOW

66
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:57,077
SO I'VE COME UP
WITH THESE ACADEMIC ALERTS.

67
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,813
YOU WILL RECEIVE ONE AS SOON
AS YOUR GRADES START TO SLIP

68
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,014
IN ANY SUBJECT.

69
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:02,850
THIS WAY, YOUR PARENTS
WON'T HAVE TO WAIT

70
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,051
UNTIL REPORT CARD TIME
TO PUNISH YOU.

71
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,254
HOW INNOVATIVE.
I LIKE IT.

72
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:09,056
HEY, DOLPH, TAKE A MEMO
ON YOUR NEWTON.

73
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,391
"BEAT UP MARTIN."

74
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:15,463
BAH!

75
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,532
ALL RIGHT,
FIRST ACADEMIC ALERT--

76
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,234
WIGGUM, RALPH.

77
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,102
I WON, I WON!

78
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,205
NO, NO, RALPH.

79
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,174
THIS MEANS YOU'RE
FAILING ENGLISH.

80
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,709
ME, FAIL ENGLISH?

81
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,411
THAT'S UNPOSSIBLE.

82
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,745
MUNTZ, NELSON.

83
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,347
YOU'RE FAILING
HISTORY, GEOGRAPHY

84
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:34,948
AND MATH, BUT, UH...

85
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,250
YOU'RE DOING WELL
IN HOME EC.

86
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:38,118
HEY, KEEP
IT DOWN, MAN.

87
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,720
UH-UH.

88
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,255
SIMPSON.

89
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:42,256
LISA.

90
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,291
( gasps )

91
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,858
GRADES ARE ALL I HAVE.

92
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,527
WHAT COULD I BE FAILING?

93
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,996
I'M SMART AND A TEACHER'S PET.

94
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,366
GYM?

95
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,068
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING
I EVER HEARD.

96
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,413
LISA, YOUR FATHER AND I

97
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,415
ARE VERY CONCERNED
ABOUT THIS WARNING.

98
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,450
I REALLY HOPE
YOU TRY HARDER.

99
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,084
Homer:
WHOO, THAT'S ALL
OF THEM.

100
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:14,322
AND I'M SO PROUD YOU
DIDN'T TRY TO FORGE MY NAME.

101
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,756
HOW ABOUT
A PRESENT, SON?

102
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,091
WELL, I COULD USE A NEW PAIR
OF HOCKEY SKATES.

103
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,159
DONE AND DONE.

104
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:20,394
Lisa:
THAT'S NOT FAIR.

105
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,095
WHY IS BART GETTING A PRESENT

106
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,497
AND I'M GETTING CHEWED OUT?

107
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:25,966
AH, THE MYSTERIES
OF LIFE.

108
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,267
TELL YOU WHAT, SIMPSON.

109
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:28,436
I WON'T FAIL YOU

110
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,304
IF YOU JOIN ONE
OF THOSE PEEWEE TEAMS

111
00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:31,739
OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL.

112
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,441
YOU MEAN THOSE LEAGUES
WHERE PARENTS PUSH THEIR KIDS

113
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,242
INTO VICIOUS COMPETITION
TO COMPENSATE

114
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,511
FOR THEIR OWN
FAILED DREAMS OF GLORY?

115
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,447
LOOK, I DON'T NEED THIS.

116
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,483
I INHALED MY FAVORITE WHISTLE
THIS MORNING.

117
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,358
D-OHH, D-OHH, D-OHH, D-OHH
D-OHH, D-OHH, D-OHH.

118
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,797
( air leaking out )

119
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,033
CHILDREN, THAT WAS
OUR ONLY BALL.

120
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,802
THERE'LL BE NO TEAM
THIS YEAR.

121
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,837
AW!
AW!

122
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,276
MOM, THIS IS REALLY SCARY.

123
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,845
I'M GOING TO GET
MY FIRST "F" EVER.

124
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:12,713
CHEER UP!

125
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,281
SO YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT SPORTS.

126
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,649
IT'S A VERY SMALL PART OF LIFE.

127
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:18,285
* SPORTS, SPORTS,
SPORTS, SPORTS. *

128
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,355
MARGE, BART RIDES UP
IN THE FRONT SEAT TODAY

129
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,290
BECAUSE HE'S A GOOD
GUY AT SPORTS.

130
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,293
I THINK LISA NEEDS TO FEEL
A LITTLE SPECIAL TONIGHT.

131
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,429
HOW ABOUT LETTING HER
RIDE UP FRONT TOO?

132
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:31,064
I TRIED.

133
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,302
OKAY, SON,
JUST REMEMBER

134
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,904
TO HAVE FUN
OUT THERE TODAY

135
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,773
AND IF YOU LOSE,
I'LL KILL YOU!

136
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,242
OH, DAD.

137
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:49,983
ALL RIGHT, PIGS

138
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,452
BEAT THOSE GOUGERS

139
00:05:56,557 --> 00:06:00,093
I COULD HAVE BEEN
EQUIPMENT MANAGER, BUT, NO!

140
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:08,569
( grunts )

141
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,407
OUR GOALIE
CANNOT STAND UP.

142
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,274
TELL YOU WHAT.

143
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,409
GET SOME ROPE.

144
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,591
( blowing )

145
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,460
DEFENSE, DEFENSE, COME ON.

146
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,461
YOU CALL THAT BLOWING?

147
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,731
( buzzer sounds )

148
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:40,568
OH, YES!
WE WON, WE WON, WE WON.

149
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,369
UNFORTUNATELY,
SINCE I BET

150
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,370
ON THE OTHER TEAM,

151
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,405
UH, WE WON'T BE
GOING FOR PIZZA.

152
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,909
WELL, BOY, YOU WON.

153
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,545
SO I'M GOING TO LIVE UP
TO MY SIDE OF THE AGREEMENT.

154
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:54,381
HERE'S YOUR TURTLE,
ALIVE AND WELL.

155
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,183
AW, THANKS, DAD.

156
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,053
HOW ABOUT SOME ADULATION
FROM MY LITTLE SISTER?

157
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,655
WOW, BART,
I'M SO IMPRESSED

158
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,924
YOU WERE ABLE TO GIVE MILHOUSE
A CONCUSSION.

159
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,159
OH, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS

160
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:08,496
BECAUSE... YOU...
STINK...

161
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,564
AT... SPORTS.

162
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:11,632
Lisa:
CUT IT OUT, BART!

163
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:12,600
WHAT THE..?

164
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:18,005
YOU KNOW, I WONDER IF HER
SKILLS WOULD TRANSFER OVER

165
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,473
TO THE GAME OF HOCKEY.

166
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,842
WELL, ONLY ONE WAY TO BE SURE.

167
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,944
HEADS UP, LITTLE GIRL.

168
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,145
( screaming )

169
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,149
THE GOALIE OF MY DREAMS.

170
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,786
LET'S TRY A HARD ONE

171
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,354
TO MAKE SURE
IT WASN'T A FLUKE.

172
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,592
Milhouse:
OH, HEY!

173
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:40,794
WAY TO KNOCK
OUT MY TEETH.

174
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,162
THAT'S IT, MILHOUSE.

175
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:43,230
KEEP UP THE CHATTER.

176
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:48,969
LISA,

177
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,872
IF THE BIBLE
HAS TAUGHT US
NOTHING ELSE--

178
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,006
AND IT HASN'T--

179
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,342
IT SAYS GIRLS SHOULD
STICK TO GIRLS' SPORTS

180
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,310
SUCH AS HOT-OIL
WRESTLING,

181
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,813
FOXY BOXING
AND SUCH AND SUCH.

182
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:02,616
I THINK WOMEN SHOULD BE ABLE
TO PLAY ANY SPORT MEN PLAY

183
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,952
BUT HOCKEY
IS SO VIOLENT AND DANGEROUS.

184
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,555
LOOK AT MILHOUSE'S TEETH.

185
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,056
MOM, WILL YOU STOP
SHOWING US THOSE?

186
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,291
I HAVE TO JOIN THE TEAM,
OR I'LL GET AN "F"

187
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,561
THAT WILL HAUNT ME
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

188
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:18,732
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
PRESIDENT OF THESE UNITED...

189
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:19,900
STOP THE INAUGURATION!

190
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,035
I JUST DISCOVERED
OUR PRESIDENT-ELECT

191
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:24,171
GOT AN "F"
IN SECOND GRADE GYM CLASS.

192
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,539
( all gasp )

193
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,207
IN THAT CASE,
I SENTENCE YOU

194
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,844
TO A LIFETIME OF HORROR
ON MONSTER ISLAND.

195
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,245
DON'T WORRY.
IT'S JUST A NAME.

196
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,084
( panting )

197
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,486
HE SAID... IT
WAS JUST A NAME.

198
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,021
WHAT HE MEANT IS
THAT MONSTER ISLAND

199
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,490
IS ACTUALLY A PENINSULA.

200
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,092
( nervous groan )

201
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,059
( knocking )

202
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,095
DO YOU HAVE
MY TEETH?

203
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:51,932
NO...

204
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:56,670
OKAY, HOTSHOTS

205
00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:58,271
NOW THAT MY DAUGHTER
IS ON YOUR TEAM

206
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,674
I WANT TO MAKE
A FEW THINGS CLEAR.

207
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,843
PLEASE, DAD,
I'LL BE FINE.

208
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,377
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

209
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,014
I DON'T WANT ANYONE
TO GIVE HER A HARD TIME

210
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,582
JUST BECAUSE SHE'S DIFFERENT.

211
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,751
NO JOKES, NO TAUNTING.

212
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,085
( guffaws )

213
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,921
LOOK, THAT KID'S GOT BOSOMS!

214
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:14,888
WHO'S GOT
A WET TOWEL?

215
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:18,425
COME HERE,
YOU BUTTERBALL.

216
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,893
DON'T MAKE ME RUN!

217
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,294
I'M FULL OF CHOCOLATE.

218
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:26,867
( yells )

219
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:27,868
WHOA!

220
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,203
( shrieks )

221
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,571
I CAN'T EVEN WATCH.

222
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:32,706
I DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU TWO CAN SIT HERE

223
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,374
LAUGHING
AT POOR LISA

224
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,375
WHILE SHE'S
OUT THERE

225
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,276
PROBABLY SCARED
TO DEATH.

226
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,812
WE'RE LAUGHING
WITH HER, MARGE.

227
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:40,113
THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.

228
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,381
Lisa: ( Shrieking )
WHOA!

229
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,450
( laughing loudly )

230
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,054
WITH HER.

231
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,222
YOU REALLY THINK I DID OKAY
OUT THERE, MOM?

232
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,091
ABSOLUTELY, HONEY.

233
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,294
BY BLOCKING THE NET, I REALLY
THINK YOU HELPED YOUR TEAM.

234
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,397
OKAY, LITTLE BUDDY, HOP IN.

235
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,832
HUP-AH!

236
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:01,234
I MEAN,
MY LITTLE GIRL BUDDY.

237
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,503
THAT'S VERY NICE, DAD,
BUT IT'S WRONG FOR YOU

238
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,939
TO REWARD VIOLENT,
COMPETITIVE BEHAVIOR.

239
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,507
HOWEVER, I WILL
SIT UP FRONT WITH YOU

240
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,476
IF IT'S A FATHERLY
GESTURE OF LOVE.

241
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,144
OKAY, HONEY.

242
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,179
SUCKER!

243
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,281
COMPETITIVE VIOLENCE--
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE!

244
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,421
OW!

245
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,723
( yelling )

246
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:25,458
( yells )

247
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:26,426
( grunts )

248
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,294
( grunts )

249
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,196
( grunts )

250
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,800
( growls )

251
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:36,103
( snarling )

252
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,605
Apu:
WE ARE HAVING
OUR BEST SEASON EVER.

253
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,676
I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT
IT IS BECAUSE OF TEAMWORK.

254
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,144
GEE,
WHO AM I KIDDING, HUH?

255
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,779
IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF LISA.

256
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:47,314
LET'S HEAR IT FOR LISA.

257
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,415
( all cheering )

258
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:51,819
HEY, BART

259
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,620
IF LISA'S BETTER
THAN YOU AT HOCKEY

260
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,523
DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE
GONNA BECOME BETTER THAN HER
AT SCHOOL?

261
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,125
( gasps )

262
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,194
MAYBE I WILL, MILHOUSE.

263
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:04,031
MAYBE I WILL.

264
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,302
WHO CAN TELL ME
THE CAPITAL OF SPAIN?

265
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,470
BART SIMPSON.

266
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,339
THE SQUARE ROOT OF 36?

267
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,141
BART SIMPSON.

268
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,208
WHO FREED THE SLAVES?

269
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,509
BART SIMPSON.

270
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:17,811
BART SIMPSON?

271
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,146
BART SIMPSON.

272
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,247
BART SIMPSON,

273
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,381
WILL YOU STOP RAISING YOUR HAND?

274
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,150
YOU HAVEN'T HAD
ONE RIGHT ANSWER ALL DAY.

275
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,351
SORRY.

276
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,552
( grunting )

277
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,455
THIS IS FOR WASTING
TEACHER'S VALUABLE TIME.

278
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:33,093
LAY OFF, GUYS!

279
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,094
HE'S WITH ME.

280
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,163
IT'S A LUCKY COINCIDENCE

281
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,698
YOU HAPPEN TO BE
YOUR SISTER'S BROTHER.

282
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:39,733
DON'T WORRY, BART.

283
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,769
THEY WON'T
BOTHER YOU ANYMORE.

284
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:44,137
( laughing )

285
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,541
I HARDLY EVER LET MOTHER
FIGHT FOR ME ANYMORE.

286
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:49,943
SORRY, BART.

287
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:53,346
I'M GOING TO HANG OUT
WITH LISA FOR PROTECTION...

288
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,982
AND TO BE SEEN.

289
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,519
COME WATCH TV
WITH ME, DAD.

290
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,221
WE MISSED THE FIRST
TWO EPISODES OF COPS.

291
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,356
BUT IF WE HURRY,
WE CAN CATCH THE LAST THREE.

292
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,927
SORRY, BART. LISA AND I
ARE GOING OUT FOR GELATO.

293
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,462
WE'D ASK YOU TO COME, BUT...

294
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,330
YOU KNOW...

295
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,866
OH...

296
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,235
BART, I CAN SPEND
SOME TIME WITH YOU.

297
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:16,136
I DON'T KNOW, MOM.

298
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,105
DON'T HAVE A
STEREOTYPICAL VIEW OF ME

299
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,372
JUST BECAUSE
I'M YOUR MOTHER.

300
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:23,310
I KNOW, HOW ABOUT
WE PLAY THE BASKETBALL?

301
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,378
I'M NO HARVEY
GLOBETROTTER, BUT...

302
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,713
( groans )

303
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:30,317
WATCH OUT FOR
THE SHAQ ATTACK!

304
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,585
OOH! OW!

305
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,321
I TOLD YOU
TO WATCH OUT.

306
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:37,124
HEY, MILHOUSE, KNOCK HIM
DOWN IF HE'S IN YOUR WAY!

307
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,058
JIMBO, JIMBO

308
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:38,892
GO FOR THE FACE!

309
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:42,062
LOOK. RALPH WIGGUM
LOST HIS SHIN GUARD!

310
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,430
HACK THE BONE!

311
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,098
HACK THE BONE!

312
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,334
WOW! EYE OF THE TIGER.

313
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,668
MOUTH OF A TEAMSTER.

314
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:53,406
JUST THINK OF ALL THE TIME
I WASTED ON YOU!

315
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,642
YEAH, WELL, NOT WASTED.

316
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:58,278
UH... I LOVE YOU.

317
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:03,951
Marge:
LET ME GIVE MY SPECIAL
LITTLE WINNER A BIG, BIG HUG.

318
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:07,587
Lisa:
MA, I THINK I'M ALL HUGGED OUT.

319
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,589
OH, ONE MORE.

320
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,992
( Marge grunting )

321
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,294
( sighs )

322
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,996
HELLO, QUEEN LISA.

323
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,931
BART, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN MY ROOM?

324
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:21,334
LISA, CERTAIN DIFFERENCES--
RIVALRIES IF YOU WILL--

325
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:22,702
HAVE COME UP BETWEEN US.

326
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,471
AT FIRST, I THOUGHT
WE COULD TALK IT OVER

327
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,206
LIKE CIVILIZED PEOPLE,

328
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:31,378
BUT INSTEAD, I JUST RIPPED
THE HEAD OFF MR. HONEYBUNNY.

329
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,181
BART, THAT WAS YOUR
CHERISHED CHILDHOOD TOY.

330
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,349
AH, MR. HONEYBUNNY!

331
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,550
( gasping )

332
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,153
( kissing loudly )

333
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,021
Homer:
QUIET DOWN, BART!

334
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,355
BART, JUST
GET OUT OF HERE.

335
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,291
HEY, IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.
YOU GET OUT.

336
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,492
THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

337
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,327
I KNOW YOU ARE,
BUT WHAT AM I?

338
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,896
GET OUT! GET OUT!

339
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,197
OKAY!

340
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:54,234
BUT ON MY WAY,
I'M GOING TO BE DOING THIS.

341
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:58,838
IF YOU GET HIT,
IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT.

342
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:03,210
OKAY. THEN I'M GOING
TO START KICKING AIR LIKE THIS

343
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:06,079
AND IF ANY PART OF YOU
SHOULD FILL THAT AIR

344
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:08,681
IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT.

345
00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:11,851
( both grunting )

346
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:17,357
( Bart and Lisa yelling )

347
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,493
HMM, I'D BETTER GO
CHECK THAT OUT.

348
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:24,431
NOW, HOMER,
DON'T YOU EAT THIS PIE.

349
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,666
OKAY.

350
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,269
ALL RIGHT, PIE,
I'M JUST GOING TO DO THIS.

351
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,404
( munching sounds )

352
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,540
AND IF YOU GET EATEN,
IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT.

353
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,243
( munching sounds )

354
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:37,210
D-OHH!

355
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,078
OH!

356
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,447
OH... MY!

357
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,448
THE HELL WITH IT.

358
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,919
( gagging )

359
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,354
STOP IT!
STOP IT!

360
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,255
STOP IT!
STOP IT!

361
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,190
STOP IT!

362
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,791
MOM, THAT IS
REALLY ANNOYING.

363
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,093
BART STARTED IT.

364
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:53,927
NUH-UH, LISA
STARTED IT.

365
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:55,462
I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT.

366
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,796
I DON'T EVER WANT
TO SEE YOU TWO

367
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,531
FIGHTING LIKE THAT
EVER AGAIN.

368
00:14:58,565 --> 00:14:59,766
WE LOVE YOU BOTH.

369
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,069
YOU'RE NOT IN COMPETITION
WITH EACH OTHER.

370
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:05,805
REPEAT: YOU ARE NOT
IN COMPETITION WITH EACH OTHER.

371
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,740
HEY, APU JUST CALLED.

372
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:10,743
THIS FRIDAY, LISA'S TEAM
IS PLAYING BART'S TEAM.

373
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,779
YOU'RE IN DIRECT
COMPETITION!

374
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,414
AND DON'T GO EASY
ON EACH OTHER

375
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,748
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE
BROTHER AND SISTER.

376
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,317
I WANT TO SEE
YOU BOTH FIGHTING

377
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:19,386
FOR YOUR
PARENTS' LOVE!

378
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,054
FIGHT! FIGHT!
FIGHT! FIGHT!

379
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,389
FIGHT! FIGHT!
FIGHT! FIGHT!

380
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,856
FIGHT! FIGHT!
FIGHT! FIGHT!

381
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,331
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA MAKE
A LITTLE DEAL WITH YOU MUGS.

382
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,967
I'M GONNA LET YOU ALL OUT TO SEE
MY TEAM PLAY THE HOCKEY GAME

383
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,603
IF YOU PROMISE
TO RETURN TO YOUR CELLS.

384
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:39,939
SORRY, PIG.
WE CAN'T MAKE THAT PROMISE.

385
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,909
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL SWEETEN THE DEAL.

386
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,978
YOU CAN SEE THE GAME,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME BACK

387
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:49,616
BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NOT
TO COMMIT ANY MORE CRIMES, OKAY?

388
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:50,450
NO.

389
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,086
I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES.

390
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:53,987
ALL RIGHT!

391
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,155
WE'RE FREE!

392
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:58,425
* AT 7:00 TONIGHT,
THE GAMES BEGIN *

393
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,261
* BART VERSUS LISA,
WHO WILL WIN? *

394
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:04,031
* THEIR FATHER'S FAT,
AND THEIR MOTHER'S THIN *

395
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:07,134
* AND GRANDPA SIMPSON
REEKS OF GIN. *

396
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:09,002
HEY...

397
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:09,869
( sniffing )

398
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,172
THAT'S OBSESSION FOR MEN.

399
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:15,475
PASS KETCHUP.

400
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,980
YOU'LL HAVE TO DO BETTER
THAN THAT TONIGHT, CHUMP.

401
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,051
I ASKED FOR KETCHUP.

402
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,519
I'M EATING SALAD HERE.

403
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:29,522
I WON'T HAVE ANY AGGRESSIVE
CONDIMENT PASSING IN THIS HOUSE.

404
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,291
HELLO.

405
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,792
MOE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

406
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:36,996
WHAT? A BARTENDER CAN'T COME BY
AND SAY HI TO HIS BEST CUSTOMER?

407
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,698
HEY, HEY YA THERE, MIDGE.

408
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,667
OH, GEE, I LIKE WHAT YOU
DONE TO YOUR HAIR.

409
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,969
YOU CAUGHT ME
AT A REAL BAD TIME, MOE.

410
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,371
I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND
I'M TOO TENSE

411
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,672
TO PRETEND I LIKE YOU.

412
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,007
AND HOW ARE
THE LITTLE KIDS DOING?

413
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,909
I MEAN, REALLY
HOW ARE THEY DOING?

414
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,811
ANY DISABLING INJURIES?
SOMETHING, SAY,

415
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,314
THAT THE GAMBLING COMMUNITY
MIGHT NOT YET KNOW ABOUT?

416
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,982
COME HERE,
LET ME SEE THOSE KNEES.

417
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,384
MOE, I THINK
YOU SHOULD LEAVE.

418
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,086
BUT BLANCHE, YOU GOTTA
HELP ME OUT HERE.

419
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,054
PLEASE, I'M 64 GRAND
IN THE HOLE.

420
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:03,290
THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE MY THUMBS!

421
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,997
GOOD LUCK TONIGHT, SIS.

422
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,032
I'LL TRY NOT
TO HURT YOU.

423
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:16,403
DON'T WORRY. I'M WEARING
MY LUCKY RABBIT'S HEAD.

424
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,238
MR. HONEYBUNNY!

425
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,772
YOU INHUMANE MONSTER!

426
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,208
YOU WANT
A PIECE OF ME?

427
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,177
KIDS, STOP IT.

428
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,945
CONSERVE YOUR PRECIOUS
HATRED FOR THE GAME.

429
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,948
NOW THAT WE'RE ALL ALONE,
MARGE, ADMIT IT.

430
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,016
YOU LIKE LISA BEST.

431
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:30,950
NO.

432
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:32,452
OH, SO YOU'RE A BART
WOMAN, ARE YOU?

433
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,520
NO.

434
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,288
WELL, YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY LIKE
MAGGIE BEST.

435
00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:36,256
WHAT HAS SHE EVER DONE?

436
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:38,258
NOTHING FOR NOBODY.

437
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,960
HOMER, WE CAN'T ROOT FOR
ONE CHILD OVER THE OTHER.

438
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:43,863
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT
IF THE KIDS PLAYED
FAVORITES WITH US.

439
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,698
HEY MOM,
LOOK AT ME, MOM.

440
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,600
HI, MOM.
OVER HERE.

441
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:48,701
MOM.

442
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,603
HI, KIDS.

443
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:52,605
And now, to honor America,

444
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:55,408
here's Krusty the Clown.

445
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:59,312
* O, SAY CAN YOU SEE

446
00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:03,383
* DA-DA-DA-DA-DA LIGHT

447
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:07,220
* WHAT SO PROUDLY WE...

448
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:10,990
* DA-DA...

449
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,626
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TURNED DOWN
THOSE CUE CARDS.

450
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,162
OH!

451
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:27,807
I LOVE BART!

452
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,114
NO, WAIT, I LOVE LISA!

453
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,115
BEER!

454
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,050
OH, MARGE, I LOVE YOU.

455
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,945
HE TRIPPED MY BOY!

456
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,180
I DEMAND VENGEANCE!

457
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:09,115
I WANT VENGEANCE!

458
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:12,552
Jimbo Jones called for tripping.

459
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,822
The penalty shot will be taken
by Bart Simpson.

460
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,860
OH, MY GOD, MARGE.
A PENALTY SHOT WITH
ONLY FOUR SECONDS LEFT.

461
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,462
IT'S YOUR CHILD
VERSUS MINE.

462
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,297
THE WINNER WILL BE
SHOWERED WITH PRAISE.

463
00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,065
THE LOSER WILL BE
TAUNTED AND BOOED

464
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,235
UNTIL MY THROAT IS SORE.

465
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,073
KILL HER, BOY!
KILL HER!

466
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:36,876
STOP HIM DEAD, LITTLE GIRL.

467
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:40,179
( chanting ):
KILL, BART. KILL, BART.
KILL, BART...

468
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:43,216
KILL BART. KILL BART.
KILL BART...

469
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:46,686
( angry shouting )

470
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,197
( laughing )

471
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,805
( laughing )

472
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,417
( crying )

473
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,208
GREAT GAME, LISE.

474
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,810
GREAT GAME, BART.

475
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,845
( horn blaring )

476
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,450
TIE GAME?

477
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:51,918
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.

478
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:56,323
I'VE NEVER BEEN
SO PROUD OF THEM.

479
00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:58,425
( sobbing )

480
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,328
THEY'RE BOTH LOSERS.

481
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:02,261
LOSERS!

482
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:03,296
RIP-OFF!

483
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:05,998
WE PAID FOR BLOOD.

484
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,067
LET'S TEAR THIS PLACE APART.

485
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,268
GOOD IDEA.

486
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:18,845
THOSE KIDS ARE, LIKE, SO SWEET.

487
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:22,949
IF ONLY THEY HAD
HAD PEEWEE HOCKEY

488
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:25,985
WHEN I WAS A LAD.

489
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,387
OH, WELL...

490
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:28,214
SHH.