1 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,279 ( bell ringing ) 2 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,383 D-ohh! 3 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:16,684 ( screams ) 4 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,070 Oh, damn F.D.A. 5 00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,005 Why can't it all be marshmallow? 6 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,408 Ew, Bart, don't put the non-marshmallow pieces 7 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,576 back in the box. They go in the trash. 8 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,113 Ooh, you like sweets, kids? 9 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:48,182 I know a place that's sweeter than sweetness itself. 10 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,350 In this sweet place 11 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,352 earthly doughnuts are sour as poison. 12 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,221 You'd spit them out, you would. 13 00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:59,693 I'm talking about the candy industry trade show. 14 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,061 How did you get tickets? 15 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:03,364 They hid them in every millionth Krusty Klump Bar 16 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:04,998 and Krusty Klump Bar with almonds. 17 00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:12,072 Hey, Hey, Hey! 18 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:14,975 I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise. 19 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,511 You leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again. 20 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:19,747 Can I come to the candy show? 21 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,982 No! Me! Me! Huh? Can I? 22 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,285 Sorry kids, but this is the one event 23 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,954 I want my darling wife by my side. 24 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,890 Oh, well thank you Homer, but take one of the kids. 25 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,493 Marge, they can't carry enough candy. 26 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,462 They have puny little muscles. 27 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,164 Not big, ropy ones like you. 28 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:37,265 ( groans ) 29 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:40,067 You go mom, for the greater good. 30 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,769 For the greater good. 31 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:45,139 Homer, are all these pockets necessary? 32 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:48,142 They wouldn't be if you were willing to sit in a hollowed-out wheelchair. 33 00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,109 ( doorbell rings ) 34 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,511 That's the baby-sitter. 35 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,913 No one in town will sit for you two anymore. 36 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,015 I had to choose between a grad student at the university 37 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,817 and a scary-looking hobo. 38 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,619 Please the hobo, please the hobo, please the hobo... 39 00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:01,689 hi. I'm Ashley Grant. 40 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,425 - ( Bart groans ) - Lisa: Ashley Grant! 41 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,427 You gave a talk on women's issues at my school 42 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,862 on how we don't have to be second-class citizens. 43 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:11,632 Mom, how can you leave us with this maniac? 44 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,134 Hurry Marge! If we get there early, we can get our pictures taken 45 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,869 with the two surviving musketeers. 46 00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,905 There's also a baby somewhere upstairs. 47 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:24,645 So, you're one of those "don't call me a chick" chicks, huh? 48 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:27,448 Sorry about my unenlightened brother. 49 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,318 He will make the next few hours a living hell. 50 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,485 Oh, I don't know. 51 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:34,222 See this, Bart? 52 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,190 Disemboweler IV 53 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,826 The game where condemned criminals dig at each other 54 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,127 with rusty hooks. 55 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,497 Um-hum.. Do a little housework, and you can play for five minutes. 56 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:47,167 No way. 57 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,035 Yes'm. 58 00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,203 See, Lisa? 59 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:50,338 Males aren't hard to tame. 60 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:53,241 They all follow their video cartridges. 61 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,275 Ow. 62 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,485 Man: Mr. Goodbar to the front desk. 63 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,355 The front desk is looking for Mr. Goodbar. 64 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:11,725 I feel like a kid in some kind of a store. 65 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,063 Great. 66 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,199 Exquisite. 67 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,201 Oh, you'll do well. 68 00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:22,069 Give me those. 69 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,237 As you can see 70 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,573 I have created a lemon ball so sour 71 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:29,042 it can only be safely contained in a magnetic field. 72 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:33,281 The candy, known as 77-X-42... 73 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,782 Where the hell is the candy? 74 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,849 ( muffled ): I don't know. 75 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:39,119 Hey, sir, try our wax lips. 76 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,054 It's the candy of 1,000 uses. 77 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:42,122 Like what? 78 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:45,359 One, a humorous substitute for your own lips. 79 00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:46,294 Keep going. 80 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,262 Two, uh... 81 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,664 Ooh, I'm needed in the basement. 82 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,113 You're going to have to put some sugar 83 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,681 on that celery or get out, ma'am. 84 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,154 Ooh, Gummibears. 85 00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:15,323 Gummi calves' heads. 86 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,090 Gummi jaw breakers. 87 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,265 What's that? 88 00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:27,668 That is the rarest Gummi of them all. 89 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,303 The Gummi Venus de Milo. 90 00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:31,071 Carved by Gummi artisans 91 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:34,408 who work exclusively in the medium of Gummi. 92 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,344 Will you two stop saying Gummi so much? 93 00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:40,648 Must have rare Gummi. 94 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,015 Distract the salesman. 95 00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,452 No, I won't make a spectacle out of myself any further. 96 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,423 Oh... whoa! Oh... 97 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:50,924 How'd they get there? 98 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,059 ( laughs nervously ) 99 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,532 Now, this is going to take all my skill. 100 00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,133 ( chuckles ) 101 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:01,369 ( alarm wailing ) 102 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,436 Halt, halt! 103 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,804 Run, Marge! 104 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:04,805 Save the booty! 105 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,674 After him! He has the Gummi! 106 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:07,908 ( all shouting ) 107 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:23,357 See you in hell, candy boys! 108 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,470 ( giggling ) 109 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,338 Hey, Lise, I found a big caramel deposit 110 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:39,373 at the small of her back. 111 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,508 I'm coming. 112 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,109 ( giggling ) 113 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,179 ( laughing ) 114 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:47,080 Whoo! Whoo! 115 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,416 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 116 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,316 Where's my Gummi de Milo? 117 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,918 Okay, don't panic. 118 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,019 She can't have gotten far. 119 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,353 She has no arms. 120 00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:54,888 I'm sure it'll turn up. 121 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,223 Take the baby-sitter home now. 122 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,426 She's been sitting in the car for 20 minutes. 123 00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,694 Relax Marge, there's plenty for her to do in there. 124 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,696 ( horn honking ) 125 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,898 See? She's having the time of her life. 126 00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,836 So, a graduate student, huh? 127 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,270 How come you guys can go to the moon 128 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,939 but you can't make my shoes smell good? 129 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,442 - I'm sorry. - Ah, nobody's blaming you. 130 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,009 Hey, would you take the wheel for a second, 131 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,045 I have to scratch myself in two places at once. 132 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,713 Just drop me off here. 133 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,451 ( gasps ) 134 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:26,887 Precious Venus. 135 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,392 ( screams ) 136 00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:33,393 Thank you. 137 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,230 ( sighs ) 138 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,770 ( groaning ) 139 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:46,474 Hey, kids, lots of candy left for breakfast. 140 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,942 ( both groaning ) 141 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:51,278 Why don't we give it to some needy children then? 142 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,446 Both: No. 143 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:57,918 ( crowd clamoring ) 144 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,454 Oh no, the candy conventioneers tracked us down. 145 00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:03,791 There he is-- there's the man 146 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,325 that sexually harassed me. 147 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:08,428 Oh, for a minute there, I thought I was in big trouble. 148 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:09,497 It's just a-- D-ohh! 149 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,569 ( crowd chanting ) 2-4-6-8, Homer's crime was very great. 150 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,838 Great meaning large or immense. 151 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,273 We use it in the pejorative sense. 152 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,476 Marge, I swear I didn't touch her. 153 00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:23,911 You know how bashful I am. 154 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,412 I can't even say the word "titmouse" 155 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,080 without giggling like a school girl. 156 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,349 ( giggling ) 157 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,351 At any rate, I believe you. 158 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,854 And I think you should go outside and straighten this out. 159 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,657 Some of their chants are very catchy and memorable. 160 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,628 You grabbed me in the car! 161 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,797 Oh that... no. I was just grabbing a Gummi Venus de Milo 162 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,432 that got stuck to your pants. 163 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,600 Yeah, right. 164 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,435 That's the oldest excuse in the book. 165 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,137 ( booing ) 166 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,039 Come on, I'm a decent guy. 167 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,642 ( gasping ) 168 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:55,676 ( booing and hissing ) 169 00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:01,148 Why would anybody want to touch a girl's butt? 170 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,816 That's where cooties come from. 171 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,519 Dad, I don't understand. What is she saying you did? 172 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:09,022 Well Lisa, remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida 173 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,058 of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? 174 00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:14,027 Oh, yeah! That was brilliant! 175 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,363 That's right. We all thought it was hilarious 176 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:18,498 but it turns out we were wrong. 177 00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:21,468 That alligator was sexually harassing that woman. 178 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,671 And the dog in the Coppertone ads? Same deal Dad? 179 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,505 That's kind of a gray area. 180 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,240 We know you're innocent, Dad. 181 00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,508 Thanks, kids. 182 00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:29,910 They seem to be building 183 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,745 some sort of a shanty town. 184 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,752 ( booing ) 185 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,353 Do your worst, protesters. 186 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:43,156 You can't stop me from living my life. 187 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,524 No respect for women 188 00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:45,392 No peace. 189 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,894 Just try to push the right buttons now. 190 00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:49,563 We aren't crazy about nuclear power either! 191 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,599 You people aren't allowed in here. 192 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,466 It's okay. They're with me. 193 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,705 ( booing and yelling ) 194 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,744 They're ruining my whole life. 195 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,078 Marge, please, this is where 196 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,546 I need you the most. 197 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:07,881 I'm counting on you to do something 198 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,717 or say something to make it all better. 199 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,551 Okay... go. 200 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,120 Homer... 201 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,589 - Uh huh? - I already talked to the indignation coordinator 202 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,424 out on the lawn today. 203 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,459 I told her you were a decent man, but she wouldn't listen. 204 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:21,261 Besides standing by you and supporting you 205 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,796 there isn't anything more I can do. 206 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,865 You mean... I'm on my own? 207 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,600 I've never been on my own. 208 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,969 Oh, no, on own... on own... 209 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,805 I need help. Oh, God, help me. 210 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,206 Help me, God! 211 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,109 ( phone ringing ) 212 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,447 Ye-llo? 213 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,917 Hello, Homer. This is God... frey Jones 214 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,986 from the TV magazine show Rock Bottom. 215 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,088 We're aware of your problems 216 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,624 and, Mr. Simpson, we want to help. 217 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,661 Mmm. I saw that report you did on Sasquatch. 218 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,096 It was fair and even-handed. 219 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,564 I'll do it! 220 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,633 Somebody had to take the baby-sitter home. 221 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,469 Then I noticed she was sitting on the Gummi Venus 222 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,171 so I grabbed it off her. 223 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:08,275 Oh, just thinking about that sweet, sweet candy... 224 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,477 ( gurgling ) 225 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:14,682 I just wish I had another one right now. 226 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:15,849 But the most important thing is... 227 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,651 That was really great, Mr. Simpson. 228 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:18,652 We got everything we need. 229 00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:21,755 Okay. Say, can you introduce me to the Sasquatch? 230 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,490 I like his style. 231 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,028 He-he! 232 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,964 Here comes the bouncing ball of justice! 233 00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,599 Tonight on Rock Bottom 234 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:36,436 we go undercover at a sex farm for sex hookers. 235 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,773 I keep telling you, I just grow sorghum here. 236 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,709 Uh huh, and where are the hookers? 237 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,011 Round back. Oops. 238 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,045 But first... 239 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,513 She was a university honors student 240 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:47,848 who devoted her life to kids 241 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:50,650 until the night a grossly overweight pervert 242 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:54,654 named Homer Simpson gave her a crash course in depravity. 243 00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,824 "Baby-sitter and the Beast." 244 00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,558 Aw, crap! 245 00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,828 Somebody had to take the baby-sitter home. 246 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,797 Then I noticed she was sitting on her sweet can... 247 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,632 so I grabbed her sweet can... 248 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,201 Oh... just thinking about her can... 249 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:11,338 I just wish I had her sweet, sweet, s-s-sweet can. 250 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,574 So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can? 251 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,676 What do you have to say in your defense? 252 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,879 Mr. Simpson, 253 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:21,681 your silence will only incriminate you further. 254 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:24,051 No, Mr. Simpson. Don't take your anger out on me! 255 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:27,387 Get back! Get back! Mr. Simpson, no! 256 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,688 Announcer: Dramatization-- May not have happened. 257 00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:35,162 Marge, kids, everything's going to be just fine. 258 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,664 Now go upstairs and pack your bags. 259 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,599 We're going to start a new life... 260 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,401 under the sea. 261 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,772 ( calypso music playing ) 262 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,249 * Under the sea 263 00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:59,252 * Under the sea 264 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,554 * There'll be no accusations 265 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,590 * Just friendly crustaceans 266 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,292 * Under the sea. 267 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,107 Homer, that's your solution to everything. To move under the sea. 268 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,708 It's not going to happen! 269 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,944 Not with that attitude. 270 00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,013 Look, maybe this whole thing will blow over. 271 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,420 It didn't blow over, Marge. 272 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,522 Nothing ever blows over for me. 273 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,333 ( humming ) 274 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,600 ( screams ) 275 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,841 Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent 276 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,609 which he believes gives him sexual powers. 277 00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:59,947 Hey, that's a half-truth! 278 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,015 I don't know Homer Simpson. 279 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,750 I never met Homer Simpson 280 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:08,856 or had any contact with him, but... 281 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,924 I'm sorry. I-I can't go on. 282 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,125 That's okay. 283 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:15,495 Your tears say more than real evidence ever could. 284 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:19,532 Today on Ben-- Mothers and runaway daughters 285 00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:22,302 reunited by their hatred of Homer Simpson. 286 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:25,205 And here's your host, Gentle Ben. 287 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,307 ( applause ) 288 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,042 ( growling ) 289 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,513 I just have one thing to say-- 290 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:34,814 Let's have less Homer Simpsons 291 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,816 and more money for public schools. 292 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,618 ( growling ) 293 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,888 Ben, I have a question... 294 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,156 ( growling ) 295 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,858 No, Ben. No! 296 00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,996 ( all screaming ) 297 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:56,836 Announcer: And now we return 298 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,538 to Fox Night at the Movies-- 299 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,373 Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass-grabber 300 00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:02,042 Starring Dennis Franz. 301 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:06,746 Ooh! Portrait-- sounds classy. 302 00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:07,680 Doesn't it? 303 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,818 ( tires screeching ) 304 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,086 ( maniacal laughter ) 305 00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,895 No, Mr. Simpson. A cat is a living creature. 306 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,196 I don't care. 307 00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:30,938 Now, I'm gonna grab me some sweet! 308 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,840 No, Mr. Simpson! That's sexual harassment. 309 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,676 If you keep it up, I'll yell so loud the whole country'll hear. 310 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:37,877 ( laughing ) 311 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:41,048 With a man in the white house? 312 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:41,982 Not likely. 313 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:50,123 This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage 314 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,458 outside the Simpson estate. 315 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,860 Remember, by the way, to tune in tonight at 8:00 316 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,095 for highlights of today's vigil 317 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,964 including when the garbage man came 318 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:59,399 and when Marge Simpson put the cat out 319 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,134 possibly because it was harassed. 320 00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,936 We don't know. 321 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,771 Of course, there's no way to see into the Simpson home 322 00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:08,375 without some kind of infrared heat-sensitive camera. 323 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,310 So, let's turn it on. 324 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,713 Now, this technology is new to me, but I'm pretty sure 325 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,783 that's Homer Simpson in the oven rotating slowly. 326 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:20,220 His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees. 327 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,455 He's literally stewing in his own juices. 328 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:25,058 Now, here are some results from our phone-in poll. 329 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:28,495 95% of the people believe Homer Simpson is guilty. 330 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,663 Of course, this is just a television poll 331 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:34,234 which is not legally binding, unless Proposition 304 passes 332 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,835 and we all pray it will. 333 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:39,406 Aw, I don't have a friend in the world. 334 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,974 ( clamoring ) 335 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,409 Barney: We're Homer's true friends! 336 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,477 Oh, really? 337 00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:46,113 Come on. Let us through, you vultures. 338 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:49,182 Oh, Marge, it's a miracle. 339 00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,850 How can you judge this man 340 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:54,021 without talking to the people who know him best? 341 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,822 We got the real dirt on Homer Simpson 342 00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,824 and the bidding starts at 10 Gs! 343 00:15:57,857 --> 00:15:58,758 I bid 10 Gs! 344 00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,926 10-5 Gs! 345 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,029 Fifteen! Fifteen-five! 346 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:02,929 Oh... 347 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,964 I need a hug. 348 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,166 ( murmuring ) 349 00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,671 How come you guys hesitated? 350 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:12,639 Sorry, Dad. 351 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,274 We do believe in you. We really do. 352 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,276 It's just hard not to listen to TV. 353 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,444 It's spent so much more time 354 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,645 raising us than you have. 355 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,781 Oh... maybe TV is right. 356 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,716 TV's always right. 357 00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:33,460 Homer: Are you hugging the TV?! 358 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,461 Both: No. 359 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,328 ( kisses TV loudly ) 360 00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:42,635 ( audience cheering ) 361 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:46,139 And the number one reference that I am running into the ground 362 00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:49,008 is... Homer Simpson! 363 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,777 ( audience cheering ) 364 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:56,883 Ay-yi-yi! 365 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,185 Es Homer Simpson! 366 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:01,221 Me ha molestado! Oh! 367 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,891 Ohh. I like it better when they're making fun 368 00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:07,094 of people who aren't me. 369 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,262 I know! Evening at the Improv. 370 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,764 They never talk about anything beyond the 1980s. 371 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,400 See, I think about weird stuff. 372 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:17,036 Like, what would happen if E.T. and Mr. T. had a baby. 373 00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,206 You'd get Mr. E.T., wouldn't you? 374 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,842 And you know, I think he'd sound a little something like this. 375 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,544 ( as Mr. T. ): I pity the fool who doesn't 376 00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:25,945 ( as E.T. ): phone home. 377 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,717 Ooh, I wouldn't want to be Mr. T. right now. 378 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,919 Homer, the kids have a great idea 379 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,087 how you can clear your name! 380 00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,955 The media is making a monster out of you 381 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:37,257 because they don't care about the truth. 382 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,025 All they care about is entertainment. 383 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,893 Well, you need a forum where they don't even know 384 00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,795 the meaning of the word 'entertainment'. 385 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,931 Public Access television. 386 00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:47,300 But those shows all look so crummy. 387 00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,068 Well, we can dress it up a bit. 388 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:52,372 We can bring a fern, and a folding chair from the garage 389 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,242 and the most decorative thing of all-- the truth. 390 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,952 There are only 49 stars on that flag. 391 00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:08,288 I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground 392 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,290 before I recognize Missouri. 393 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:14,594 Now it's time 394 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:17,430 for the Innocence Report, with Homer Simpson. 395 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,568 Hello. I'm Homer Simpson. 396 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:26,005 Or as some of you wags have dubbed me, "Father Goose." 397 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:29,476 You know, everybody believed the worst about me right away. 398 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,911 Nobody cares that I didn't do it 399 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,413 but I didn't. 400 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,149 Okay, look, I've done some bad things in my life 401 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:40,320 but harassing women is not one of them. 402 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:42,255 Like one time we were having this race 403 00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:45,192 with this stupid old-timey bicycle with the big wheel in front. 404 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,660 So I figure, "We'll see about that." 405 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:51,097 so I get this big chunk of cinder block, and I- 406 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,131 ( groaning ) 407 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,167 Got to go. 408 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,202 Innocent. 409 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,503 Dad, you did it. 410 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:57,937 I am so proud of you. 411 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,606 The switchboards are lighting up! 412 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,174 All: Yay! 413 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:02,108 Two calls. 414 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,043 That's our best ever! 415 00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:06,045 Hello? No, Janice doesn't live here. 416 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,480 Hello? 417 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,849 Yes, I am interested in long-distance savings. 418 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,319 Very interested. 419 00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:14,254 ( all groaning ) 420 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:18,191 Marge, this is so depressing. 421 00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:21,561 My only hope is this homemade Prozac. 422 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,331 Mmm... needs more ice cream. 423 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:25,265 ( doorbell rings ) 424 00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,570 So, uh, you don't like the old-time bikes, huh? 425 00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,171 ( groans ) 426 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,876 ( doorbell rings ) 427 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:39,546 Homer... I love amateur video. 428 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:43,182 And your show is the most amateur video I ever saw. 429 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:47,220 My hobby is secretly videotaping couples and gals. 430 00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:50,156 I dare not come forward, because in this country 431 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,659 it makes you look like a pervert! 432 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:56,195 But every single Scottish person does it! 433 00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,165 Oh, baby. 434 00:19:59,198 --> 00:19:59,999 Oh, yeah. 435 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:00,933 Oh, baby. 436 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,969 Oh, no. That's Mayor Quimby. 437 00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,605 Ah. Here we go. 438 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:08,275 Precious Venus. 439 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,342 ( gasps ) 440 00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:10,777 ( gurgling ) 441 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:11,878 ( screams ) 442 00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:12,945 Thank you. 443 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:15,114 ( chomping ) 444 00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:16,583 ( sighing ) 445 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,785 Dad, this clears you completely! 446 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,687 You know the courts might not work anymore 447 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,890 but as long as everybody is videotaping everyone else 448 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,992 justice will be done. 449 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,762 See? 450 00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:32,299 Hmm. Homer, I thought you were an animal 451 00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:34,301 but your daughter said you were a decent man. 452 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,802 I guess she was right. 453 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,904 You're both right. 454 00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:41,774 In our mad pursuit of the scoop 455 00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:45,812 we members of the press sometimes make mistakes. 456 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,947 Rock Bottom would like to make the following corrections. 457 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,753 Wow! V-8 juice isn't one-eighth gasoline. 458 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:56,623 And Ted Koppel is a robot. 459 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:58,057 There's you, Dad! 460 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,626 All: Yay! 461 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,928 Tomorrow, on Rock Bottom... 462 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,331 He's a foreigner who takes perverted videos of you 463 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,265 when you least suspect it. 464 00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:08,267 He's Rowdy Roddy Peeper. 465 00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,439 That man is sick! 466 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,173 Groundskeeper Willie saved you, Homer. 467 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,676 But listen to the music. He's evil. 468 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:18,411 Hasn't this experience taught you 469 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,347 you can't believe everything you hear? 470 00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:24,784 Marge, my friend, I haven't learned a thing. 471 00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:26,486 ( all grumbling ) 472 00:21:32,492 --> 00:21:34,794 let's never fight again. Aw... 473 00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:27,747 Shh.