1
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,279
( bell ringing )

2
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:32,633
( playing the blues )

3
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,770
D-OHH!

4
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,072
( screams )

5
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:54,722
GO, TOOTHPASTE, GO!

6
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,424
MOVE YOUR PASTY
WHITE BUTT.

7
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,492
COME ON, SHAMPOO!
YOU CAN DO IT!

8
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:00,628
YAY! I WON
YOUR STUPID

9
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,062
BATHROOM PRODUCTS RACE.

10
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:03,564
NO FAIR, YOU ONLY WON

11
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:04,798
'CAUSE YOU HAD
THE INSIDE TRACK.

12
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,467
IF THE WATER
WAS SPINNING
THE OTHER WAY...

13
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,935
IT NEVER SPINS
THE OTHER WAY.

14
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,069
IN THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE

15
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,372
WATER ALWAYS DRAINS
COUNTERCLOCKWISE.

16
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,040
IT'S CALLED
THE CORIOLIS EFFECT.

17
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,275
NO WAY.

18
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,410
WATER DOESN'T
OBEY YOUR RULES.

19
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:17,778
IT GOES WHERE IT WANTS.

20
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,113
LIKE ME, BABE.

21
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,948
YES, BART.

22
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,583
WHY DON'T YOU
TRY IT AND SEE?

23
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,889
I KNOW I'VE SEEN IT
GO THE OTHER WAY.

24
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:29,723
AH...

25
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,159
FAITHFUL TOILET.

26
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,693
YOU'LL PROVE ME RIGHT.

27
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:36,897
( groaning )

28
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,098
UH. UH.

29
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:40,401
UH, UH, UH.

30
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:43,971
* I'M A-SINGIN' IN THE SHOW...
OW! OW-OOH!

31
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,073
HOT! YEAH! COLD!

32
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,309
NO! HOT! COLD! HOT!

33
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,644
OH! WHO'S! DOING! THAT?!

34
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,581
UH! UH!
UH, UH, UH!

35
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:57,285
OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE, BART,
USE THE PLUNGER!

36
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,653
BART, WATER WILL
ONLY GO THE OTHER WAY

37
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,189
IN THE SOUTHERN
HEMISPHERE.

38
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,624
WHAT THE HELL IS
THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE?

39
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,993
HAVEN'T YOU EVER
LOOKED AT YOUR GLOBE?

40
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,498
SEE, THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE
IS MADE UP OF

41
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,233
EVERYTHING
BELOW THE EQUA...

42
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,003
THIS LINE.

43
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,171
HMM.

44
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:20,007
SO DOWN THERE IN,
SAY... ARGENTINA,

45
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,109
OR RAND McNALLY,

46
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,811
ALL THEIR WATER
RUNS BACKWARDS?

47
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:27,215
MM-HMM. IN FACT,
IN RAND McNALLY

48
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,649
THEY WEAR HATS
ON THEIR FEET

49
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,284
AND HAMBURGERS
EAT PEOPLE.

50
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:31,519
COOL.

51
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:49,337
( phone ringing )

52
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,206
Bart:
Hello, Southern Hemisphere?

53
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,242
Which way does the water
go in your toilet?

54
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,344
JUST A MINUTE, I'LL CHECK.

55
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,118
AH, NUTS.

56
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,425
PLEASE TO REPEAT AGAIN
AND I WILL TRANSLATING

57
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:12,693
FOR THE EL PRESIDENTE.

58
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:16,330
Which way does the water
turn in your toilet?

59
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:18,098
DICE QUE EL CURSO
ESTA CAMBIANDO.

60
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,267
AY, CARAMBA!

61
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,270
LOS INSURGENTES YA VAN
A CAPTURAR LA CAPITAL.

62
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:23,237
NECESITO HUIR.

63
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:24,171
AY!

64
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,106
( crashing )

65
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,341
I CAN'T GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER

66
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,776
OUT OF THIS CRAZY HEMISPHERE.

67
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,546
( phone ringing )

68
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,882
EINE MINUTEN, EINE MINUTEN.

69
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:39,453
ACH! DAS WAGENFONE
EST EINE NUISANCEFONE.

70
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,221
BUENAS NOCHES,
MEIN FUHRER.

71
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,290
JA, JA.

72
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:45,559
( ringing )

73
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:46,427
( screaming )

74
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,397
BART, YOU CAN'T
ACTUALLY CALL
THESE PLACES.

75
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,064
DON'T YOU KNOW
HOW EXPENSIVE

76
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,566
INTERNATIONAL
CALLS ARE?

77
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,436
HELLO, OPERATOR.

78
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:58,205
I'D LIKE TO MAKE
A COLLECT CALL TO...

79
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,373
AUSTRALIA.

80
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,943
( phone ringing )

81
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,782
Woman:
This is
the international operator.

82
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,551
Will you accept
a collect call from...

83
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,120
( deep voice ):
UH, YES, THIS IS
DR. BART SIMPSON

84
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,555
OF THE INTERNATIONAL
DRAINAGE COMMISSION.

85
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,589
IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

86
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,325
IF IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

87
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,592
WE UNDERSTAND SOME
DRAINS IN YOUR AREA

88
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:19,460
HAVE BEEN MALFUNCTIONING,

89
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,329
SUCKING IN PEOPLE
AND WHATNOT.

90
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,297
WILLIKERS. THAT'S AWFUL.

91
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,498
INDEED.

92
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,667
WE NEED YOU TO CHECK
YOUR SINKS AND TOILETS

93
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,268
AND TELL US WHICH WAY
THE WATER IS GOING.

94
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,304
AND PLEASE--
STAND CLEAR.

95
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:32,740
( flushing )

96
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,475
( more flushing )

97
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,079
THE FIXTURES...

98
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,681
THEY'RE ALL DRAINING
CLOCKWISE, SIR.

99
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,182
OH. SHE WAS RIGHT.

100
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,917
STUPID LISA,
SCIENCE QUEEN.

101
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,119
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST CHECK YOUR
NEIGHBOR'S DRAINS.

102
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,120
I'LL HOLD.

103
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:52,860
HEY, BART.

104
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,161
THE BAKERY CAUGHT FIRE

105
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,196
AND ALL OF DOWNTOWN
SMELLS LIKE COOKIES.

106
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,531
WANT TO GO SMELL?

107
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:58,932
YES.

108
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,167
YES, I DO.

109
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,978
Hello. Sir? Sir?

110
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,781
I've returned
from the Koolamugery's place.

111
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,549
They're draining clockwise too.

112
00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:16,684
DRAINING?

113
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,018
I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THAT ANYMORE.

114
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,319
Are we in any dange..?

115
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:28,128
BURKINA FASO? DISPUTED ZONE?

116
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,897
WHO CALLED
ALL THESE WEIRD PLACES?

117
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:30,864
QUIET. IT MIGHT BE YOU.

118
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:31,732
I CAN'T REMEMBER.

119
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,066
NO, I'M GONNA ASK MARGE.

120
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,302
NO, NO. WHY EMBARRASS US BOTH?

121
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,539
JUST WRITE A CHECK AND I'LL
RELEASE SOME MORE ENDORPHINS.

122
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,041
( sighs )

123
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,744
900 DOLLAR-ADOOS!?

124
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:44,912
TOBIAS!

125
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,346
DID YOU ACCEPT

126
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,582
A SIX-HOUR COLLECT
CALL FROM THE STATES?

127
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,350
IT WAS AN EMERGENCY CALL

128
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:53,687
FROM THE INTERNATIONAL DRAINAGE
COMMISSION IN SPRINGFIELD.

129
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,155
OH, MY GOD!

130
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,090
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH THE BIDET, IS THERE?

131
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,926
( phone ringing )

132
00:05:58,959 --> 00:05:59,893
HELLO?

133
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,194
RIGHT,
I'M CALLING ALL THE WAY

134
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,096
FROM SQUATTERS CRAG,
AUSTRALIA.

135
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:06,266
AND I WANT TO SPEAK TO...
DR. BART SIMPSON RIGHT NOW.

136
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,335
UH... HOLD, PLEASE.

137
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,037
ALL RIGHT, BUT I DON'T...

138
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,605
( deep voice ):
PAYROLL, BURT STANTON SPEAKING.

139
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,907
OI. I SAID BART SIMPSON.

140
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,543
WHAT KIND OF A COMPANY
IS THIS?

141
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,910
( falsetto ):
BART SIMPSON'S OFFICE.

142
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,378
THANK THE GREAT GOOD LORD.

143
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:19,447
LOOK, I WAS JUST SAY...

144
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,347
( falsetto ):
ONE MOMENT PLEASE.

145
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,382
( falsetto humming )

146
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:23,951
WHO DO THEY THINK I AM?

147
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,420
SOME STUPID AUSSIE DRONGO?

148
00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:28,355
BLEEDIN' YANKS.
I OUGHT TO...

149
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:29,189
( deep voice ):
THIS IS BART SIMPSON.

150
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,290
CAN I HELP YOU, MA'AM?

151
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,727
YEAH-- HEY! MY NAME IS
BRUNO DRUNDRIDGE, RIGHT?

152
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,029
YOU OWE ME $900, MATE.

153
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,398
NO, YOU OWE ME $900.

154
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,733
I... YOU... OHH...

155
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,402
YOU'RE JUST SOME
PUNK KID AREN'T YOU?

156
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:46,239
YOU PICKED THE WRONG GUY
TO TANGLE WITH HERE, MATE.

157
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,374
( snickering )

158
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,042
I DON'T THINK SO.

159
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,744
YOU'RE ALL THE WAY
IN AUSTRALIA.

160
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:51,879
HEY, I THINK I HEAR

161
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,380
A DINGO EATING
YOUR BABY.

162
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,948
YEAH, WELL... OOH!

163
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:57,451
OH. AH. THAT'S IT.

164
00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:00,220
I'M GOING TO REPORT THIS
TO ME MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT.

165
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,622
HEY! GUS!

166
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,924
I GOT SOMETHING
TO REPORT TO YOU.

167
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,393
THAT'S A BLOODY
OUTRAGE, IT IS.

168
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,462
I'M GOING TO TAKE
THIS ALL THE WAY

169
00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:09,863
TO THE PRIME MINISTER.

170
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:17,004
HEY! MR. PRIME MINISTER!

171
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,071
ANDY!

172
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:21,341
HI, MATES! WHAT'S THE GOOD WORD?

173
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,345
"MR. SIMPSON, BLAH BLAH.

174
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,615
MISREPRESENTATION
OVER A TELEPHONE, YADDA YADDA.

175
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,817
SINCERELY,
SOME AUSTRALIAN JERK."

176
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,092
UH! UH!

177
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,194
HEY! I NEED THAT.

178
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,497
OFFICE OF THE
SOLICITOR GENERAL?

179
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:45,699
OFFICE
OF THE PRIME MINISTER?

180
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,968
HOPPING MAD COLLECTION AGENCY?

181
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,603
WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF?

182
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,872
NOTHING. SOME STUPID COUNTRY

183
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,541
THINKS I OWE
THEM MONEY.

184
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,509
UH-OH. BART,
YOU BETTER TALK

185
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,310
TO MOM AND DAD ABOUT THIS.

186
00:07:57,344 --> 00:08:00,781
HEY, GUYS. JUST SO YOU DON'T
HEAR ANY WILD RUMORS--

187
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,783
I'M BEING INDICTED FOR FRAUD
IN AUSTRALIA.

188
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,118
THAT'S NO REASON
TO BLOCK THE TV.

189
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,687
OH, MY.

190
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,292
BART, DID YOU TRICK
AN AUSTRALIAN BOY

191
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,728
INTO ACCEPTING A
$900 COLLECT CALL?

192
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:15,729
YES'M.

193
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:16,730
HMM...

194
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:19,332
THERE IT IS,
"AUS-TRAL-IA."

195
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:21,168
I'LL BE DAMNED.

196
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:25,272
LOOK AT THIS COUNTRY--
"U-AR-GAY."

197
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,578
( doorbell ringing )

198
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,012
OH, MY. HELLO.

199
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,715
I'M EVAN CONNIVER WITH
THE U.S. STATE DEPARTMENT.

200
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:38,051
"UNDERSECRETARY FOR
INTERNATIONAL PROTOCOL--

201
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,420
BRAT AND PUNK DIVISION"?

202
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,489
UNFORTUNATELY, BART,
YOUR LITTLE ESCAPADE

203
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,224
COULD NOT HAVE COME
AT A WORSE TIME.

204
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:48,195
AMERICO-AUSTRALIAN-IAN RELATIONS
ARE AT AN ALL-TIME LOW.

205
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:52,165
AS I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER
IN THE LATE 1980s

206
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,200
THE U.S. EXPERIENCED

207
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,768
A SHORT-LIVED
INFATUATION

208
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,436
WITH AUSTRALIAN
CULTURE.

209
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:58,005
FOR SOME BIZARRE REASON

210
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,007
THE AUSSIES THOUGHT
THIS WOULD BE
A PERMANENT THING.

211
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,609
OF COURSE
IT WASN'T.

212
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:02,843
I KNOW THOSE WORDS

213
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,411
BUT THAT SIGN MAKES NO SENSE.

214
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,947
ANYWAY, THE DOWN-UNDER FAD
FIZZLED

215
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,050
AND THE DIPLOMATIC CLIMATE
TURNED ABSOLUTELY FROSTY.

216
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,218
OOPS.

217
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,920
LET'S PRETEND WE
DIDN'T SEE THAT.

218
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:18,025
AND BART'S CHILDISH TAUNTING
AGITATED THE AUSSIES FURTHER.

219
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,627
OH, HE'LL AGITATE YOU.

220
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,795
HO, HO, HE SURE WILL.

221
00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,130
( laughing )

222
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,368
WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?

223
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,271
WELL, IT'S TOO LATE
TO MERELY PAY BACK THE MONEY.

224
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:34,207
BUT AS A SIGN OF GOOD FAITH
TO OUR AUSTRALIAN "FRIENDS"

225
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,443
WE'D LIKE TO IMPRISON BART
FOR FIVE YEARS.

226
00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,311
THAT'S TOUGH BUT FAIR.

227
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,747
BOY, GO
WITH THE MAN.

228
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,449
NO, NO, NO! NO.

229
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,417
I'M NOT GONNA HAVE MY
SON GO TO JAIL

230
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:47,254
OVER SOME SILLY TIFF
WITH AUSTRALIA.

231
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,256
YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO FIND SOME OTHER

232
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,158
COUNTRY TO HAVE
RELATIONS WITH.

233
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,225
YOU'RE SURE NOW?

234
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,928
THE PRISON TRAIN IS SAILING.

235
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:57,898
OKAY. I'M NOT HEARING
A LOT OF SUPPORT FOR PRISON.

236
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,967
THERE IS ONE OTHER OPTION.

237
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,234
THEY'LL DROP THE CHARGES

238
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,237
IF BART MAKES A PUBLIC APOLOGY
IN AUSTRALIA.

239
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,173
ALL BART HAS TO DO
IS APOLOGIZE

240
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,741
AND WE GET A FREE TRIP
TO AUSTRALIA?

241
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:08,642
MM-HMM.

242
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:09,843
I CAN HANDLE THAT.

243
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,144
I'M AN EXPERT
AT PHONY APOLOGIES.

244
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,112
BART!

245
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,280
I'M SORRY.

246
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,281
THAT'S BETTER.

247
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:15,348
( groans )

248
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,983
UH, WE LEFT AT
1:30 P.M. MONDAY.

249
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,218
WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?

250
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,854
IT'S 6:45 A.M.
NEXT WEDNESDAY.

251
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,188
YOU MAY ALSO BE
INTERESTED TO KNOW

252
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,290
THAT'S IT'S SUMMER
HERE, NOT WINTER.

253
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,358
( groans )

254
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,660
WHAT DOES THAT SIGN SAY?

255
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,730
I THOUGHT THEY SPOKE
ENGLISH IN THIS COUNTRY.

256
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,231
IT SAYS YOU
CAN'T BRING IN

257
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,899
OUTSIDE PLANTS
OR ANIMALS.

258
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,835
"ANY FOREIGN CREATURE
YOU BRING IN

259
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:10,303
COULD UPSET THE
ENVIRONMENTAL BALANCE."

260
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,171
OH.

261
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,341
SORRY, GIRL.

262
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,509
I DON'T WANT TO GET
IN ANY MORE TROUBLE DOWN HERE.

263
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:18,511
I'LL PICK YOU UP
ON THE WAY HOME.

264
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,612
( croaks )

265
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,552
( croaks )

266
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,199
HEY! ARE YOU LIKE ONE
OF THOSE ENGLISH GUARDS

267
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,868
WHO CAN'T LAUGH
OR SMILE OR ANYTHING?

268
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,335
* LA-DA LA-DA-DA

269
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,471
( jabbering gibberish )

270
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:46,840
OW!

271
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:47,941
NO, SIR!

272
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,276
U.S. MARINE CORPS, SIR!

273
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,680
OH, YEAH.

274
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:54,948
THIS IS THE LIFE.

275
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,117
BOY, NEXT SUMMER,
CAN YOU COMMIT

276
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,852
SOME FRAUD IN
ORLANDO, FLORIDA?

277
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:00,553
I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU, DAD.

278
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:02,222
KNOCK.

279
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,391
SIMPSONS, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET OUR AMBASSADOR,

280
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,793
THE HONORABLE AVRIL WARD.

281
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:09,529
HELLO. NOW, EVERYTHING
IS ALL SET FOR BART'S APOLOGY.

282
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,199
MR. CONNIVER WILL MEET YOU
AT THE PARLIAMENT HOUSE
AT 3:00 PM.

283
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,400
ANY QUESTIONS?

284
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,302
YEAH. DO THE TOILETS GO
BACKWARDS IN HERE?

285
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,305
NO. TO COMBAT HOMESICKNESS
WE'VE INSTALLED

286
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:19,439
A DEVICE THAT MAKES THEM SWIRL

287
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,408
THE CORRECT AMERICAN WAY.

288
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:34,087
* ...SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY,
OF THEE I SING. *

289
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:40,427
HEY, G.I. JOE,
YOUR SIGN'S BROKEN.

290
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,062
WE'RE ALREADY IN AUSTRALIA.

291
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,332
ACTUALLY, SIR! THE EMBASSY IS
CONSIDERED AMERICAN SOIL, SIR!

292
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,299
REALLY?

293
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,668
LOOK, BOY. NOW
I'M IN AUSTRALIA.

294
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:51,338
NOW I'M IN AMERICA.
AUSTRALIA. AMERICA.

295
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:52,605
I GET IT, DAD.
AUSTRALIA.

296
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:53,773
AMERICA, AUSTRALIA.

297
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:55,075
HOMER, THAT'S ENOUGH.

298
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,776
AMERICA, AUSTRALIA...
OW!

299
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,546
HERE IN AMERICA, WE DON'T
TOLERATE THAT KIND OF CRAP, SIR!

300
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,251
"AUSTRALIA WAS
ORIGINALLY FOUNDED

301
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,820
AS A SETTLEMENT
FOR BRITISH CONVICTS."

302
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,189
HMM, LISA,
WATCH YOUR CAMERA.

303
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,158
( grumbling )

304
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,330
YOU CALL THAT A KNIFE?

305
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:20,367
THIS IS A KNIFE.

306
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,635
THAT'S NOT A KNIFE.
THAT'S A SPOON.

307
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:24,137
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
YOU WIN.

308
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:27,207
I SEE YOU'VE PLAYED
KNIFEY-SPOONY BEFORE.

309
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,811
HEY, GIVE ME ONE OF THOSE
FAMOUS GIANT BEERS

310
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,981
I HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT.

311
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:36,016
SOMETHING WRONG, YANK?

312
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:39,219
NO. IT'S PRETTY BIG,
I GUESS.

313
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,388
I'LL JUST HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE.

314
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,455
BEER IT IS.

315
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,291
NO. I SAID COFFEE.

316
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,225
BEER?

317
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,394
COF-FEE.

318
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,196
BE-ER?

319
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:51,364
C-O...

320
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,500
B-E...

321
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,540
WE'LL MEET YOU BOYS
BACK HERE FOR DINNER.

322
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:01,875
GOOD LUCK, HONEY.

323
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:03,410
MMM...

324
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,677
BART, I'M SORRY
I'M GONNA MISS

325
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,079
YOUR PUBLIC HUMILIATION.

326
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,981
BUT THE WOOLUMBALOO
DIRT MONUMENT

327
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:10,450
IS JUST TOO EXCITING
TO PASS UP.

328
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,226
HEAR YE, HEAR YE.

329
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,561
THIS SESSION
WILL NOW COME TO ORDER.

330
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:24,531
WITH THE COOPERATION
OF THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE

331
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,666
WE HAVE PRESENT TODAY
ONE BART SIMPSON.

332
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,669
( murmuring )

333
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,838
I BELIEVE HE HAS SOMETHING
TO SAY.

334
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,240
BART?

335
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:41,781
( clearing throat )

336
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,450
I'M SORRY.

337
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:46,954
I'M SORRY FOR WHAT
I DID TO YOUR COUNTRY.

338
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,555
VERY GOOD.

339
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:52,225
WELL, YOU'RE
FREE TO GO, BART...

340
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,594
RIGHT AFTER YOUR
ADDITIONAL PUNISHMENT.

341
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,562
PUNISHMENT?

342
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,264
WELL, A MERE APOLOGY

343
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,698
WOULD BE BIT EMPTY, EH?

344
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,600
LET THE BOOTING BEGIN.

345
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:01,634
BOOTING?

346
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:02,635
AW, IT'S JUST

347
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:03,636
A LITTLE KICK
IN THE BUM.

348
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,339
( pounding )

349
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,512
UH-OH.

350
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,889
WHAT KIND OF A SICK COUNTRY
WOULD KICK SOMEONE

351
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,391
WITH A GIANT BOOT?

352
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,592
MR. SIMPSON, SHH.

353
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,760
DISPARAGING THE BOOT
IS A BOOTABLE OFFENSE.

354
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,696
IT'S ONE OF
THEIR PROUDEST TRADITIONS.

355
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,537
YOU SOLD US OUT, CONNIVER!

356
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,441
( gasping )

357
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:46,980
OOH!

358
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:49,616
STAY BACK OR I'LL BOOT
YOUR PRIME MINISTER.

359
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:50,483
I'LL DO IT!

360
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,119
SO HELP ME GOD,
I'LL BOOT HIM!

361
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,686
HE MEANS IT.

362
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,323
WHEN WILL YOU
AUSTRALIANS LEARN?

363
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,858
IN AMERICA, WE STOPPED
USING CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

364
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,527
AND THINGS HAVE
NEVER BEEN BETTER.

365
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,828
THE STREETS ARE SAFE.

366
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:05,332
OLD PEOPLE STRUT CONFIDENTLY
THROUGH THE DARKEST ALLEYS

367
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,500
AND THE WEAK AND NERDY
ARE ADMIRED

368
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,702
FOR THEIR COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
ABILITIES.

369
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:14,107
SO, LIKE US, LET YOUR CHILDREN
RUN WILD AND FREE.

370
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,277
BECAUSE AS THE OLD SAYING GOES:

371
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,680
"LET YOUR CHILDREN RUN WILD
AND FREE."

372
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:23,216
NOW, BOY, RUN BACK
TO THE EMBASSY.

373
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:24,651
BACK TO AMERICAN SOIL.

374
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:25,852
YAH!

375
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:30,757
I'LL STOP THEM.

376
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,529
OH, NO.
IT'S COMING BACK THIS WAY.

377
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,498
THAT THROWING STICK
STUNT OF YOURS

378
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:39,566
HAS BOOMERANGED ON US.

379
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,606
HEY. WE CAN GET AWAY
IN THEIR POUCHES.

380
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,311
EEW! IT'S NOT LIKE
IN CARTOONS.

381
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,780
YEAH, THERE'S
A LOT MORE MUCUS.

382
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,520
MOM, YOU SAID I COULD HAVE
ONE SOUVENIR, RIGHT?

383
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,655
WELL, I WANT A DIDGERIDOO.

384
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,925
( deep, bellowing sound )

385
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,927
( groans )

386
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,830
THAT SEEMS VERY NOISY
AND EXPENSIVE FOR A SOUVENIR.

387
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:11,898
HMM?

388
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,700
WHY DON'T YOU GET THIS NICE CAP?

389
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,002
IT'S CLEVER,
JUST LIKE YOU.

390
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,170
HUH?

391
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,905
HMM?

392
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:21,208
GET OUT. GET OUT.

393
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:22,575
SHOO, SHOO.

394
00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:24,444
GET OUT OF HERE.

395
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,446
THESE BLOODY THINGS
ARE EVERYWHERE.

396
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:27,880
THEY'RE IN THE LIFT,
IN THE LORRY,

397
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,015
IN THE BOND WIZARD,

398
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,717
AND ALL OVER THE
MALANGA GILDACHUCK.

399
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,619
THEY'RE LIKE KANGAROOS

400
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:35,188
BUT THEY'RE REPTILES,
THEY IS.

401
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,690
WE HAVE THEM IN AMERICA,
THEY'RE CALLED BULLFROGS.

402
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,093
WHAT?! THAT'S AN ODD NAME.

403
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:42,595
I'D HAVE CALLED THEM
CHASWASSERS.

404
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,564
( siren wailing )

405
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,566
L-ISA!

406
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,235
M-ARGE!

407
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,670
( shouting )

408
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,446
OH, THE SIMPSONS.

409
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,614
WELL, THEY'RE NOT
GETTING BACK IN HERE.

410
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,826
OH.

411
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,764
I CAN'T BELIEVE
OUR GOVERNMENT

412
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,332
WOULD SET UP BART
LIKE THAT.

413
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:20,600
I MUST SAY,
I'M VERY ANGRY

414
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,302
AT THE STATE DEPARTMENT
RIGHT NOW.

415
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:23,336
YES, BUT SHH.

416
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:24,437
MRS. SIMPSON,
PLEASE.

417
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:25,672
WE'RE ABOUT TO REACH
A BREAKTHROUGH

418
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:26,573
WITH THE AUSSIES.

419
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,574
THEN IT'S AGREED.

420
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,808
DURING THE BARGAINING SESSION

421
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,109
WE EACH GET TWO CANDIED APPLES.

422
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,512
ALL RIGHT.
ONE CANDIED AND ONE CARAMEL.

423
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:33,846
FOR THE LOVE OF CRIMINY.

424
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,148
GIVE ME THAT.

425
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,684
I KNOW BART DID SOMETHING WRONG,
BUT HE'S MY SON

426
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,453
AND I'M GOING
TO PUNISH HIM MYSELF.

427
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,655
OUR COUNTRIES MAY HAVE
THEIR DIFFERENCES

428
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:44,457
BUT AS HUMAN BEINGS

429
00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:47,794
I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE
THERE'S NO SUBSTITUTE

430
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:50,730
FOR THE DISCIPLINE
OF A LOVING PARENT.

431
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,467
HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

432
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:55,368
Y-ELLO.

433
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:56,336
MM-HMM.

434
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:57,604
SO WE'RE IN AGREEMENT.

435
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,871
SHE WON'T BE ALLOWED
NEAR THE PHONE AGAIN.

436
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,375
WE DID IT.

437
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:03,676
WE'VE WORKED OUT
A COMPROMISE

438
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:06,313
THAT WILL ALLOW BOTH NATIONS
TO SAVE FACE.

439
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,481
WE'VE ARGUED THEM
DOWN TO A BOOTING.

440
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:09,449
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
WHAT?!

441
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,850
THE PRIME MINISTER
JUST WANTS

442
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,985
TO KICK YOU ONCE
THROUGH THE GATE

443
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,054
WITH A REGULAR SHOE.

444
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,323
I BELIEVE IT'S A WING-TIP.

445
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,490
NO DEAL.

446
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,626
THIS IS MY SON
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

447
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,827
SURE, HE'S
NOT PERFECT

448
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,829
BUT WHO IS IN THIS
WORK-A-DAY WORLD?

449
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,197
NO, MOM. WAIT.

450
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:35,074
IT'S TIME FOR ME
TO BEND OVER

451
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,943
AND RECEIVE MY DESTINY.

452
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:42,982
THANK YOU, BART.

453
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,050
I PROMISE I WON'T

454
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,753
MAKE FUN OF YOU
LATER FOR THIS.

455
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,255
SHOW THEM WHAT
AMERICAN BUTTS

456
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,556
ARE MADE OF, SON.

457
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,695
THAT'S IT, LAD.

458
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:59,266
THIS IS FOR THE COMMONWEALTH
OF AUSTRALIA.

459
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:09,909
AND THIS IS FOR
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

460
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:13,112
( humming
"Star Spangled Banner" )

461
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:27,294
I'M GLAD YOU'RE OKAY, HONEY,

462
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,761
BUT I WISH YOU'D CHOSEN
A MORE TASTEFUL WAY

463
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,096
TO BE PATRIOTIC.

464
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:32,532
I'M IMPRESSED YOU WERE
ABLE TO WRITE SO LEGIBLY

465
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:33,800
ON YOUR OWN BUTT.

466
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,313
ALL RIGHT, MATES.

467
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:47,980
LET HIM HAVE IT!

468
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,816
( shouting )

469
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:54,654
HEY, DO WE GET TO LAND ON AN
AIRCRAFT CARRIER?

470
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:58,157
NO, SIR. THE CLOSEST VESSEL IS
THE U.S.S. WALTER MONDALE.

471
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,559
IT'S A LAUNDRY SHIP.

472
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:00,827
THEY'LL TAKE YOU
THE REST OF THE WAY.

473
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,995
( croaking )

474
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:15,675
HEY, LOOK.

475
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:17,544
THOSE FROGS ARE EATING
ALL THEIR CROPS.

476
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:24,817
WELL, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS

477
00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,486
WHEN YOU INTRODUCE
FOREIGN SPECIES

478
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,355
INTO AN ECOSYSTEM
THAT CAN'T HANDLE THEM.

479
00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:32,184
( didgeridoo buzzes )