1 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,844 D-ohh! 2 00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:11,712 ( screams ) 3 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:33,101 Hello. I'm Kent Brockman, and this is Eye on Springfield. 4 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,803 * theme music 5 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,605 Tonight, we'll visit Springfield's answer 6 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:14,275 to the Benedictine monks... the Rapping Rabbis. 7 00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:15,876 * Don't eat pork 8 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,478 * not even vit' a fork 9 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,147 * Can't touch this! 10 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,981 Marge, are we Jewish? 11 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,316 No, Homer. 12 00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:23,184 Whoo-hoo! 13 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,986 Mmm... 14 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,555 But first, we all stink. 15 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:28,756 We all... hey! 16 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,758 That's according to a national survey 17 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:34,094 ranking Springfield as the least popular city in America. 18 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,130 In science, dead last. 19 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,798 I'm telling you people 20 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:40,468 the Earth revolves around the sun. 21 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,102 Burn him! 22 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,638 What a story! 23 00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:47,074 You've stolen my soul! 24 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,243 In culture, dead last. 25 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,612 Eleanor, we've got to do something 26 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,314 about this depression, 27 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,482 so I propo--... 28 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,318 Oh! That's right, I'm crippled. 29 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:58,486 This is terrible. 30 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,654 People will start to avoid Springfield. 31 00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:01,989 But what can I do? 32 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,123 I'm just... 33 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,124 one... one man. 34 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,260 I think we should call a town meeting. 35 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:09,129 If we don't do something soon, we won't get any tourists at all. 36 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,531 No tourists? 37 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,099 I'll be ruined. 38 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,636 Maps to movie stars' homes! 39 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:18,806 Mapas por las casas de la cineastas. 40 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:22,210 Top-u stah noh cheezu map-u. 41 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:26,447 Excuse me. Are you Drew Barrymore? 42 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,349 What? Get out of here. 43 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:29,650 I'm hung over. 44 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,818 Sorry, Miss Barrymore. 45 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,019 What? 46 00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,721 Quimby: Are there any 47 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,924 suggestions for how to attract more tourism? 48 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,228 The easiest way to be popular 49 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,696 is to leech off the popularity of others. 50 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,064 So we propose changing 51 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,999 our name from "Springfield" 52 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,435 to "Seinfeld." 53 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,840 I may be just a boy, but I have an idea. 54 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:55,142 If I may, I'd like to show you a few slides. 55 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,044 Here's Springfield as it appears from space. 56 00:02:57,077 --> 00:03:01,315 Somewhere in this windy valley is the Lost Dutchman's Mine. 57 00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:03,083 Young man, that appears to be a picture 58 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,318 of your rear end. 59 00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:05,719 So long, suckers! 60 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,087 Whoa! 61 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,890 Aw! This is the last time 62 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,593 I use an escape plan devised by Milhouse. 63 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,228 Uh, sorry, Bart. 64 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:17,265 I'm Marge Simpson, and I have an idea. 65 00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:18,732 ( all groaning ) 66 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,768 Marge is going to say something. 67 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:24,372 Now I know you haven't liked some of my past suggestions 68 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:26,940 like switching to the metric system... 69 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:30,010 The metric system is the tool of the devil! 70 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,247 My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead 71 00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:36,216 and that's the way I likes it. 72 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,719 The old person's remarks will be stricken from the record. 73 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:39,953 Who said that? 74 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,022 But my new idea is different. 75 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,392 I think we should hold a film festival 76 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:46,026 and give out prizes. 77 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,061 Could we make our own movies and enter them? 78 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,096 Yes. 79 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:51,599 At last, an excuse to wear makeup! 80 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:54,635 All in favor of Marge Simpson's film festival idea... 81 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,304 All: Film festival! 82 00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,438 Film festival! 83 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:58,606 You like my idea? 84 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,108 Actually, I have several others... 85 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,976 All: Don't push your luck! 86 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,478 Don't push your luck! 87 00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:06,246 ( groaning ) 88 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,815 And.. action! 89 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,249 Hello. I'm Bart Simpson. 90 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,453 In the past, I've brought you such classic films 91 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:15,456 as Homer in the Shower and Homer on the Toilet 92 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,759 and now I give you The Eternal Struggle. 93 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,328 ( grunting ) 94 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,596 "Relaxed fit," my Aunt Fanny. 95 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:23,764 Stupid Dockers. 96 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:24,732 ( grunts ) 97 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,234 Oh, the belt is buckled. 98 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,602 ( laughs ) 99 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,404 ( grunting ) 100 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:33,607 Now Maude, in our movie, you lay baby Moses in the basket 101 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,843 then put it among the reeds. 102 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,411 Okay? Lights! Camera! 103 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:40,814 A-diddily-doddily- doodilly-action, Jackson! 104 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:43,817 (gasps) 105 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:51,525 Help me-e-e-e-e-e! 106 00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:54,027 Flanders to God, Flanders to God. 107 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,497 Get off your cloud and save my Todd! 108 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,798 ( thunder rumbling ) 109 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,669 ( sighs ) 110 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,271 All: Yay! 111 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,973 Thanks, God. 112 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,274 Okely-dokely. 113 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,542 What are you doing, Ma? 114 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:11,278 I'm looking for a film critic to help judge our festival. 115 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,447 Did you know there are over 600 critics on TV 116 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:16,684 and Leonard Maltin's the best-looking of them all? 117 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,551 Ew! 118 00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:19,353 Welcome to Coming Attractions. 119 00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:21,188 I'm your host, Jay Sherman. 120 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,356 Thank you. 121 00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:23,891 Tonight, we review 122 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:27,395 an aging Charles Charlesronson in Death Wish Nine. 123 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:29,162 I wish I was dead. 124 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:30,297 Oy! 125 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,400 But first, we have a special guest. 126 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,834 Rainer Wolfcastle-- 127 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,136 star of the reprehensible 128 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,337 McBain movies. 129 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:38,672 Jay, my new film 130 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:41,409 is a mix of action und comedy. 131 00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:44,545 It's called McBain: Let's Get Silly. 132 00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,246 Did you ever notice 133 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,417 how men always leave the toilet seat up? 134 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,684 That's the joke. 135 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,020 Man: You suck, McBain! 136 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,055 ( screaming ) 137 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,492 And now, my Woody Allen impression. 138 00:05:58,526 --> 00:05:59,993 "I'm a neurotic nerd 139 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,396 who likes to sleep with little girls." 140 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,732 Man: Hey, that really sucked! 141 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:11,371 The film is just me in front of a brick wall 142 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,906 for an hour and a half. 143 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,008 It cost $80 million. 144 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,944 How do you sleep at night? 145 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,712 On top of a pile of money 146 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,581 with many beautiful ladies. 147 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:21,949 Just asking. 148 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,083 Eesh! 149 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,519 I like him-- he's smart, he's sensitive 150 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:28,422 he's clearly not obsessed with his physical appearance. 151 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,257 My ears are burning. 152 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,860 I wasn't talking about you, Dad. 153 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,194 My ears are really burning. 154 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,530 I wanted to see inside, so I lit a q-tip. 155 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:41,535 Marge: Dear Mr. Sherman, on behalf of the people of Springfield 156 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:44,438 I would like to invite you to judge our film festival. 157 00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,373 You can stay with us 158 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,642 and enjoy the sights and sounds of the country. 159 00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,544 Homer: Marge, is this a pimple or a boil? 160 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,112 Marge: Just a minute, Homer. 161 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,814 Look what you made me write. 162 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,884 Anyway, we think you'll really enjoy our quiet little town. 163 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,719 Sincerely, Marge Simpson. 164 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:02,490 Hmm... do I really want to leave Manhattan? 165 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:05,826 Sherman, I just realized, you insulted me. 166 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,394 Now you will die. 167 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,230 Uh, hey, Nudnick, your shoe's untied. 168 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,299 From here, they appear to be tied 169 00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:14,535 but I will go in for a closer look. 170 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:16,970 Taxi! 171 00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,606 To the airport! 172 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:24,978 On closer inspection, these are loafers. 173 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,186 Man 1: Attention. The flight from New York has arrived. 174 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,888 Man 2: Hey, I'm landing here! 175 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,629 It's supposed to say Jay's name, not yours. 176 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,296 Oh, you're right. 177 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:47,968 There you...D-ohh! 178 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,203 Just a second. 179 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,805 That's it... D-ohh! 180 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:52,973 Hello. 181 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,643 I'm Marge Simpson, and this is my husband, Homer. 182 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,110 Nice to meet you, Marge. 183 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,012 I saw your hair from the plane. 184 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:01,549 And you must be the man who didn't know 185 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,350 if he had a pimple or a boil. 186 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,952 It was a Gummi Bear. 187 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,954 Coming up next-- The Flintstones 188 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,989 Meet The Jetsons. 189 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:12,560 Uh-oh. I smell another cheap cartoon crossover. 190 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:15,295 Bart Simpson, meet Jay Sherman, the critic. 191 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,296 Hello. 192 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,865 Hey man, I really love your show. 193 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,900 I think all kids should watch it. 194 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,703 Ew... I suddenly feel so dirty. 195 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,977 I don't know what's happening. 196 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,312 It seems our profits have dropped 37%. 197 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,247 I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir. 198 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,717 Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre. 199 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,319 I ought to club them and eat their bones. 200 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,889 Heh-heh. Well, maybe this film festival could help us. 201 00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,725 A film biography might let them get to know the real you-- 202 00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:47,527 virtuous, heroic, nubile... 203 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,496 You left out pleasant! 204 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,999 But I like that film biography idea-- 205 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,602 a slick Hollywood picture to gloss over 206 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:58,739 my evil rise to power like Bugsy or Working Girl. 207 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,273 Get me Steven Spielberg. 208 00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:01,174 He's unavailable. 209 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,275 Then get me his 210 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,444 non-union Mexican equivalent. 211 00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,681 Listen Señor Spielbergo, I want you to do for me 212 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,549 what Spielberg did for Oskar Schindler. 213 00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,018 Schindler es bueno. 214 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,120 Señor Burns es el diablo. 215 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:16,356 Listen Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod. 216 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,025 We're both factory owners. 217 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,027 We both made shells for the Nazis 218 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,895 but mine worked, dammit. 219 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,164 Now go out there and win me that festival. 220 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,203 Homer, the guest should get the last pork chop. 221 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,472 But I'm still hungry. 222 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,708 ( snarling ) 223 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,710 ( growling ) 224 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,079 ( both barking ) 225 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,181 ( whining) 226 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,384 Mr. Sherman 227 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,754 I understand you have two Pulitzer Prizes. 228 00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:50,057 Well, it's not like I carry them around with me. 229 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,793 Ooh, it's so hot in here. 230 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:55,428 Oh, look, here's my People's Choice award. 231 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,297 Five Golden Globes. 232 00:09:58,966 --> 00:09:59,933 Hmm... 233 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,835 Where's my Emmy? 234 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:04,638 Thank you. 235 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,073 Yeah, well, I won 236 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,108 the belching contest at work. 237 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,342 ( belches ) 238 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,779 ( all laughing ) 239 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,613 Very nice, Homer. 240 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:17,184 ( loud, deep belch ) 241 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,152 ( car alarms wailing ) 242 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,357 Lisa: Wow, how many Pulitzer Prize winners 243 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,625 can do that? 244 00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,427 Just me and Eudora Welty. 245 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,361 ( doorbell rings ) 246 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,263 Oh I invited my sisters over. 247 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,665 Ooh, sisters. 248 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,133 Allow me. 249 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,470 ( Jay screaming ) 250 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,873 So then I said to Woody Allen 251 00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:44,377 "Well, Camus can do, but Sartre is smartre." 252 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:45,713 So original. 253 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,681 Marge: How droll. 254 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:51,284 Yeah, well, "Scooby-doo can doo-doo 255 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,888 but Jimmy Carter is smarter." 256 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,392 ( wind blows ) 257 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:02,129 Okay Sherman, you're a movie expert. 258 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,997 So tell us, who's gay? 259 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,165 Oh, I don't know. 260 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,399 Harvey Fierstein. 261 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,400 No! 262 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:08,401 Who else? 263 00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:09,402 Uh... 264 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,838 ( whispering ) 265 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,740 Oh, MacGyver's gay. 266 00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:13,707 ( growling ) 267 00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:14,708 ( growling ) 268 00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:15,976 ( whimpering ) 269 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,344 ( giggling ) 270 00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:21,348 You badmouthed MacGyver, didn't you? 271 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:24,384 ( babbling ) 272 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,553 Homer: What you doing, Marge? 273 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:29,089 Making out the jury list for the film festival. 274 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,691 Mayor Quimby, Krusty, Jay... 275 00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:32,893 ( giggles ) 276 00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:35,362 Marge, do you respect my intelligence? 277 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,932 Yes. 278 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,600 Okay. Wait a minute. 279 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:44,104 Why did it take you so long to say yes? 280 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:47,574 No reason. 281 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:48,742 Okay. 282 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,543 Wait a minute. 283 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,112 Are you humoring me? 284 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:55,883 Yes. 285 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,117 Okay. 286 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,852 Wait a minute. That's bad. 287 00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:01,922 Look, I know I'm not witty like that critic guy 288 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:05,525 but does he know all the words to the Oscar Mayer song? 289 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:09,529 * Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener * 290 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:13,433 * that is what I'd truly like to be * 291 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:17,304 * 'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener * 292 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:22,776 * everyone would be in love with me... * 293 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:28,248 ( howling ) 294 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,817 That's it, Marge. 295 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,919 He knows the whole hot dog song. 296 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,753 Go ahead. Sleep with him. 297 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,156 I'll just take a lock of your hair 298 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:37,424 to remember you by. 299 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,227 It's just you and me now, lock of hair. 300 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,062 You don't have to do this. 301 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,096 Yeah? Well you think I'm stupid. 302 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,898 I don't think you're stupid. 303 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:47,634 Prove it-- put me on that film jury festival thing. 304 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:50,003 Fine, you're on the jury. 305 00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,638 ( sighs ) 306 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,178 Sir, the actors are here to audition 307 00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,612 for the part of you. 308 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,048 Excellent. 309 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,318 Excellent. 310 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,186 ( slurping ) 311 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,154 Next. 312 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,455 Exc-ell-ent. 313 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,422 Next. 314 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:13,326 Exactly... D-ohh! 315 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,261 Next. 316 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,695 Excellente. 317 00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,164 Es muy bueno. 318 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,265 Oh, it's hopeless. 319 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,167 I'll have to play myself. 320 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:24,804 Oh, I thought they were playing 321 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:27,307 the Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight. 322 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,810 Our first film is by Indian director 323 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,445 Apu Nahassapemapetilan 324 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,348 Bright Lights, Beef Jerky. 325 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,650 Help! Help! Police! 326 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:39,887 I got problems of my own right now. 327 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,689 Oh boy..This is going to get worse before it gets better. 328 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,225 ( applause ) 329 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:49,129 Next, we have Moe the Bartender in Moe Better Booze. 330 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,463 * Money gets you 331 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,333 * one more round, drink it down * 332 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,534 * you stupid clown 333 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,569 * Money gets you one more round * 334 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:59,006 * then you're out on your ass. 335 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,207 Whoa! 336 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,741 Ah, my back! 337 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,776 ( applause ) 338 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,491 This contest is over. 339 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,394 Give that man the $10,000. 340 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:24,331 This isn't America's Funniest Home Videos. 341 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,866 But the ball... his groin. 342 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:31,939 It works on so many levels. 343 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,106 Roll it again. 344 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,275 Next, they're going to show my movie. 345 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,843 You made a movie? 346 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,345 I made a movie? 347 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,381 No wonder I was on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. 348 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,456 My name is Barney Gumble. 349 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:50,690 I'm 40... 350 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,025 I am single... 351 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,293 and I drink. 352 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:03,870 There's a line in Othello about a drinker. 353 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,473 "...now a sensible man 354 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:07,874 "by and by a fool 355 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,376 and presently a beast!" 356 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,444 That pretty well covers it. 357 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,550 It's brilliant. 358 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,319 Savagely honest, tender... 359 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,288 he has the soul of a poet. 360 00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,622 You're very kind. 361 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:25,725 Excuse me. Did something crawl down your throat and die? 362 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:26,960 It didn't die. 363 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,596 My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic. 364 00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:32,332 Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scout meeting. 365 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:36,503 Is it, or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem? 366 00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:43,743 Don't cry for me. 367 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,778 I'm already dead. 368 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,657 ( cheering ) 369 00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,092 ( honking ) 370 00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:00,493 I think we have a winner. 371 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:01,461 What'd I miss? 372 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,263 Homer! Please pay attention. 373 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,032 There's just one more movie. 374 00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:19,212 Simple villagers, I promise you. 375 00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:22,482 I will close plants in America and bring work here. 376 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,317 Viva, Señor Burns. 377 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,653 All: Viva! Viva! 378 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:30,023 Whoa!! 379 00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:35,495 We did 20 takes, and that was the best one. 380 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,197 Remember, Elliott. 381 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:38,865 I'll be right here. 382 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,411 Pure egotism. 383 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,012 Self-indulgent tripe. 384 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,581 I don't care what they say. 385 00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,616 I'm going to win this festival. 386 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,796 Drink up, Judah Ben-hur. 387 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:15,802 You truly are the king of kings. 388 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,371 Excellent. 389 00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:22,275 All: Boo!! 390 00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,411 Smithers, are they booing me? 391 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:28,848 Uh, no, they're saying, "buu-urns, buu-urns." 392 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,584 are you saying "boo" or "buu-urns?" 393 00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,920 all: Boo!! 394 00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:36,623 I was saying, "buu-urns." 395 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,563 Alright it's time 396 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:44,597 to vote for the grand prize. 397 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,633 I vote for Barney Gumble's 398 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:50,637 sensitive, yet unfortunately titled film Puke-a-hantas. 399 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:51,538 Second. 400 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,140 Well I vote for Burns's movie. 401 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,941 Me, too. Now let's get going. 402 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,909 I got a date with Eudora Welty. 403 00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,411 ( loud burp ) 404 00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,012 Coming, Eudora. 405 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,083 Excellent. 406 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,419 Bribing those two judges has paid off 407 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:07,720 just as it did 408 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,922 during the Miss Teen America pageant. 409 00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,091 How can you vote for Burns's movie? 410 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:14,161 Let's just say it moved me... 411 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,762 to a bigger house! 412 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:19,266 Oops! I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet. 413 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,333 Oh, dear. 414 00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,468 Two to two. 415 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,436 Well Homer, it all comes down to you. 416 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,437 Football in the groin! 417 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,239 Football in the groin! 418 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,741 Well, we're not going to resolve this deadlock any time soon. 419 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,110 Why don't we all take a five-minute break? 420 00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,512 It'll clear our heads. 421 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:33,680 Good idea, Marge. 422 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:36,549 My mind is going a mile a minute. 423 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,688 I knew this would happen. 424 00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:42,955 I put you on the jury 425 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,158 and you vote for the stupidest film. 426 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,194 I have every right to be on that jury 427 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,628 even though I got there 428 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,630 by sleeping with the head of the festival. 429 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,965 How many times have I heard Rex Reed say that? 430 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,134 Aw great, now you're going to make fun of me. 431 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,703 No, Homer, I won't make fun 432 00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,939 but I will suggest that there may be better things in life 433 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:03,510 than seeing a man get hit in the groin with a football. 434 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:04,944 Nelson: Ha, ha! 435 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,213 Well, Homer? 436 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,480 Marge 437 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,716 I've got some serious thinking to do. 438 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,355 Hmm... Barney's movie had heart 439 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:18,858 but football in the groin had a football in the groin. 440 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,060 Barney: Don't cry for me. 441 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,695 I'm already dead. 442 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,131 Wow. I'll never drink another beer. 443 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,165 Beer here! 444 00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,467 I'll take ten. 445 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,635 And now 446 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,237 to announce the winners. 447 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:33,172 The award for Outstanding Animated Short goes to: 448 00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:35,575 Itchy and Scratchy for their film 449 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,845 Four Funerals and a Wedding. 450 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,530 ( laughing ) 451 00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:58,565 ( gasps ) 452 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:08,708 And now, the winner of the grand prize. 453 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,743 ( drum roll ) 454 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,612 Barney Gumble. 455 00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,681 ( cheering ) 456 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,716 ( moans ) 457 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,552 Homie, you voted for the right movie. 458 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:22,755 I'm glad you were on the jury. 459 00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:26,058 Aw... you know something, Marge? 460 00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:29,128 It's not that tough being a film cricket. 461 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:32,265 I've learned I have a gift to share with the world. 462 00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:35,368 From now on, there'll be a new Barnard Gumble-- 463 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:38,037 hard-working, clean and sober. 464 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:41,808 Congratulations, Barney, and enjoy your grand prize-- 465 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:44,577 a lifetime supply of Duff beer. 466 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,246 Just hook it to my veins! 467 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,117 Lisa: Good-bye, Mr. Sherman. 468 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,452 If I ever play Carnegie Hall 469 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:53,820 I'll give you a call. 470 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,822 If you ever want to visit my show... 471 00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,624 Nah, we're not going to be doing that. 472 00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,992 Well Jay, I hope you tell your New York friends 473 00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:02,929 people in small towns aren't as dumb as they think. 474 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,631 Marge, look. 475 00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:06,232 This has spring snakes inside 476 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,635 but the suckers will think it's beer nuts. 477 00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,637 Mmm, beer nuts. 478 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:11,738 D-ohh! 479 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,840 It was a lovely festival. 480 00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,142 The best movie won, and Mr. Burns found 481 00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,578 there are some awards that can't be bought. 482 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,448 And the Oscar goes to... 483 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,082 I've got to win this one. 484 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,084 I bribed everyone in Hollywood. 485 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:28,688 George C. Scott in Man Getting Hit by Football. 486 00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:31,090 ( grunting ) 487 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,626 ( cheering ) 488 00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:36,629 Arr! My groin! 489 00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:38,465 ( moaning ) 490 00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:30,783 Shh!