( bell ringing )
D-OHH!
( screams )
ZOUNDS! I DID THEE MIGHTILY SMITELY.
"ZOUNDS" IS A RENAISSANCE ENGLISH WORD
SHORT FOR "GOD'S WOUNDS."
BUT "SMITELY," THAT'S PURE FLANDERS.
PLEASE CALL A DOCTOR.
OH, THESE RENAISSANCE FAIRES ARE SO BORING.
OH, REALLY?
DID YOU SEE THE LOOM?
I TOOK LOOM IN HIGH SCHOOL.
( humming )
MEH.
YON MEAT, 'TIS SWEET
AS SUMMER'S WAFTING BREEZE.
CAN I HAVE SOME?
MINE EARS ARE OPEN
ONLY TO THE PLEAS
OF THOSE WHO SPEAK YE OLDE ENGLISH.
SWEET MAIDEN OF THE SPIT
GRANT NOW MY BOON, THAT I MIGHT SUP
UPON SUCKLING PIG THIS NOON.
WHATEVER.
OH, I'VE EATEN EIGHT DIFFERENT MEATS.
I'M A TRUE RENAISSANCE MAN.
I'LL GO TO THE FIRST AID TENT
AND TELL THEM TO PLUG IN YE OLDE STOMACH PUMP.
ALIGHT YOUR GAZE
ON YONDER FABLED BEASTS OF YORE.
BEHOLD THE RAREST OF THE RARE,
THE MYTHOLOGICAL TWO-HEADED HOUND
BORN WITH ONLY ONE HEAD.
OOH. AND HERE
OUT OF THE MISTS OF HISTORY,
THE LEGENDARY ESQUILAX--
A HORSE WITH THE HEAD OF A RABBIT
AND THE BODY OF A RABBIT.
OH, IT'S GALLOPING AWAY.
HERE, BUNNY, BUNNY.
HERE, BUNNY.
HERE, ESQUILAX.
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU, LISA.
HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?!
YOUR NAME TAG.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW YOUR FUTURE?
SORRY, I DON'T BELIEVE IN FORTUNE TELLING.
I SHOULD GO.
WHAT'S YOUR HURRY?
BART, MAGGIE AND MARGE ARE AT THE JOUST
AND HOMER IS HECKLING THE PUPPET SHOW.
WOW. YOU CAN SEE INTO THE... PRESENT.
NOW WE'LL SEE WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS.
THE DEATH CARD?
NO, THAT'S GOOD.
IT MEANS TRANSITION, CHANGE.
OH.
OH, THAT'S CUTE.
( gasps ): THE HAPPY SQUIRREL!
THAT'S BAD?
POSSIBLY.
THE CARDS ARE VAGUE AND MYSTERIOUS.
THEY SEEM TO BE REVEALING
THE STORY OF YOUR FIRST LOVE.
DO YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE?
( gulps )
GUESS SO.
IT'S... IT'S COMING TO ME.
YES, I SEE AN EASTERN UNIVERSITY IN THE YEAR 2010.
THE WORLD HAS BECOME A VERY DIFFERENT PLACE.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THAT PLAY.
HEY, WATCH IT.
WATCH IT.
THAT MAN IS INSTANTLY
THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON I'VE EVER MET.
( groans )
A SOY-BASED SNACK WILL CALM ME DOWN.
( growls )
( yells )
HIM AGAIN!
( panting )
HELLO. I NEED ECOSYSTEM OF THE MARSH BY THOMPSON.
THE LAST COPY WAS JUST SIGNED OUT BY, UM...
HUGH PARKFIELD.
OH, THERE HE IS.
NO!
IT COULDN'T BE.
PHEW.
THANKS FOR HOLDING MY BOOK.
WHILE I TIED MY SHOE.
D-OHH!
THAT'S THE BOOK I NEED.
YOU'LL PROBABLY TAKE FOREVER WITH IT TOO.
I CAN READ FASTER THAN YOU.
I READ AT A 78th GRADE LEVEL.
RIGHT HERE.
FINISH THIS PAGE?
AGES AGO.
( growls )
I'LL GET A DICTIONARY.
WHY?
YOU'LL SEE WHEN YOU GET THERE.
THE WORD "STOCHASTIC".
"PERTAINING TO A PROCESS
"INVOLVING A RANDOMLY DETERMINED
SEQUENCE OF OBSERVATIONS."
HMM. FIRST THEY HATE EACH OTHER
NOW, ALL OF A SUDDEN, THEY LOVE EACH OTHER.
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME.
OF COURSE NOT. YOU'RE A ROBOT.
I'VE NEVER MET ANYONE WHO SO UNDERSTOOD
THE MAGIC OF JIM CARREY.
HE CAN MAKE YOU LAUGH
WITH NO MORE THAN FRANTIC FLAILING OF HIS LIMBS.
Hugh: I CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW MUCH WE HAVE IN COMMON.
WE'RE BOTH STUDYING THE ENVIRONMENT,
WE'RE BOTH UTTERLY HUMORLESS ABOUT OUR VEGETARIANISM
AND WE BOTH LOVE THE ROLLING STONES.
YES, NOT FOR THEIR MUSIC,
BUT FOR THEIR TIRELESS EFFORTS TO PRESERVE HISTORIC BUILDINGS.
LISA, I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT
OF BEING APART FROM YOU ALL SUMMER.
COME BACK WITH ME TO PARKFIELD MANOR.
I'D LOVE TO.
CAN WE GET VEGETARIAN MEALS AT YOUR PARENT'S HOUSE?
YES, WE CAN, LISA.
THAT IS GOOD.
BECAUSE EATING ANIMALS IS WRONG.
SO VERY WRONG.
WHEN WILL THE WORLD LEARN?
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
I LOVE THESE NEW PLANES.
YES, IT'S A GOOD THING THEY REEVALUATED
THOSE WACKY OLD DESIGNS.
BEAUTIFUL DINNERWARE, MRS. PARKFIELD.
THANK YOU, LISA. THEY WERE MADE
FOR THE FINEST FAMILY IN BRITAIN.
I DON'T KNOW HOW WE ENDED UP WITH THEM.
UH-OH. SHOULD I LAUGH?
WAS THAT DRY BRITISH WIT, OR SUBTLE SELF-PITY?
THEY'RE STARING AT ME. BETTER RESPOND.
( laughs nervously )
OH, IT'S GOOD TO HEAR A BOISTEROUS AMERICAN LAUGH.
AND I LOVE THAT PAINTING.
JUDGING BY THE CLOTHES, I'D SAY 17th CENTURY.
ACTUALLY, LISA, IT'S JUST UNCLE ELDRED.
I GET ME BRAIN MEDICINES FROM THE NATIONAL HEALTH.
THIS PLACE IS SO ENCHANTING, HUGH.
I LOVE IT HERE.
I WANTED THIS TO BE PERFECT FOR YOU.
I KNOW YOU AMERICANS LIKE EVERYTHING TO BE...
FIREWORKS.
OH, BLAST!
GO TO PLAN B.
( moos )
YES, I WILL.
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
MASTER HUGH HAS FOUND A TRUE LOVE.
HI, MOM.
Lisa, hello. How are you doing in England?
Remember, an elevator is called a "lift,"
a mile is called a "kilometer,"
and botulism is called "steak and kidney pie."
GUESS WHAT? HUGH AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED.
All right!
Lisa, that's wonderful.
If only your father was still with us...
but he left for work a few minutes ago.
MOM, REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LITTLE
WE'D ALWAYS PLAN MY DREAM WEDDING
AND YOU ALWAYS PROMISED TO... YOU KNOW, WELL...
KEEP DAD FROM RUINING IT?
Oh, don't worry, honey.
I guarantee your father will behave.
MOM, IT'S A PICTURE PHONE.
Oh, this? This?
Oh, no, I've just got a touch of the rheumatiz.
OH.
Whew.
MOM, PICTURE PHONE.
HI, MOM. THAT'S GREAT NEWS ABOUT LISA.
WELL, LISTEN, I BETTER GET BACK TO WORK.
THEY'RE FINALLY PAYING ME FOR THIS.
OH, YEAH!
( evil laughter )
YES, BUT THE INTERNATIONAL MARKET IS MY FOCUS.
WHOO-HOO!
AH, MARGE, THAT'S GREAT NEWS!
HEY, HEY, THERE WITH THE PERSONAL CALLS, SIMPSON.
OH, UH, BUT MR. MILHOUSE
MY LITTLE GIRL'S GETTING MARRIED.
LISA?
OH... MY ONE TRUE LOVE.
IT'S NOT YOU, MILHOUSE.
I JUST DON'T PLAN TO EVER GET MARRIED.
( hysterical sobbing )
I THINK I'LL WRITE YOUR PERFORMANCE EVALUATION NOW,
SIMPSON.
OH, I GOT TO CALL EVERYONE
AND TELL THEM THE GOOD NEWS.
( stammering )
MAGGIE! I NEED TO USE THE PHONE!
WILL THAT GIRL EVER SHUT UP?
OKAY, MARGE, I'LL PLAN EVERYTHING.
WE CAN HAVE THE RECEPTION AT MOE'S.
WAIT! WHY NOT HAVE THE WHOLE WEDDING THERE?
WE'LL DO IT ON A MONDAY MORNING--
THERE'LL BE FEWER DRUNKS.
HOMER, DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY
BUT I'VE OBTAINED A COURT ORDER
TO PREVENT YOU FROM PLANNING THIS WEDDING.
( muttering to himself )
THESE SEEM TO BE IN ORDER.
I'LL BE OUT BACK IN THE HAMMOCK.
"MR. SMITHERS PLUS GUEST."
HUH! THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON I WOULD WANT TO BRING.
OH, MR. BURNS, WE'LL THAW YOU OUT
THE SECOND THEY DISCOVER THE CURE
FOR 17 STAB WOUNDS IN THE BACK.
HOW WE DOING, BOYS?
WELL, WE'RE UP TO 15.
( all cheering )
NOW TURN TO THE NEXT PROBLEM.
IF YOU HAVE THREE PEPSIS AND DRINK ONE
HOW MUCH MORE REFRESHED ARE YOU?
YOU, THE REDHEAD IN THE CHICAGO SCHOOL SYSTEM?
PEPSI?
PARTIAL CREDIT.
WE'VE BEEN INVITED TO THE WEDDING
OF OUR ONLY GRADUATE TO READ AT AN ADULT LEVEL.
IT MUST BE LISA SIMPSON. BECAUSE, OF COURSE,
MARTIN PRINCE PERISHED IN THAT SCIENCE FAIR EXPLOSION.
NOT QUITE PERISHED, MY LADY LOVE.
ALTHOUGH SOME DAYS, I WISH I HAD.
( playing "A Fifth of Beethoven" )
HEY, I REMEMBER YOU.
MAYOR QUIMBY, RIGHT?
UH, NO. LOOK AT THIS LICENSE-- MOHAMED JAFAR.
Quimby, after this fare
get your indicted ass out to the convention center.
I CUT THE RIBBON AT THAT CONVENTION CENTER.
( nervous laughter )
JUST A COUPLE MORE BLOCKS TO MY HOUSE.
( nervous laughter )
( hyperventilating )
LISA, DARLING, DON'T WORRY.
I'M SURE I'LL GET ALONG WITH YOUR FAMILY.
YOU'VE SO THOROUGHLY PREPARED ME FOR THE WORST.
AS LONG AS THEY'RE NOT SQUATTING IN A DITCH
POKING BERRIES UP THEIR NOSES...
AND IF THEY ARE?
HERE THEY COME! RAISE THE FLAG!
( Homer grunting )
( electrical crackling )
OH, LISA!
YO, HUGH!
HERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF U.S. HOSPITALITY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?
DAD!
AAH!
NOW THROW COMPOST ON IT.
PHEW!
ENJOY.
( sighs )
STILL WARM.
( hyperventilating )
YOU CAN BE THE FIRST TO TRY OUT
THE NEW GUEST BEDROOM I BUILT.
REMEMBER, IF THE BUILDING INSPECTOR COMES BY
IT'S NOT A ROOM, IT'S A WINDOW BOX.
OH, HUGH, THANK YOU.
YOU'VE BEEN JUST WONDERFUL THROUGH THIS ENTIRE ORDEAL.
LISA, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
I'M WILLING TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING.
( yells )
( grunts )
ARE YOU OKAY?
I'M FINE, LISA.
FORTUNATELY, THE COMPOST HEAP
BROKE MY FALL.
BE A DEAR, RUN A BATH.
( munching loudly )
HOMER, BART, MAGGIE, COMPANY EATING RULES, HUH?
( belches )
OH, RIGHT.
( nibbling lightly )
ANYWAY, HUGH,
THERE'S MORE TO MY LIFE THAN JUST THE WRECKING BALL.
I ALSO CRUSH CARS INTO CUBES.
AND ON THE SIDE, I PROMOTE LOCAL TOUGH MAN CONTESTS.
BASICALLY, I'M GETTING OUT ALL MY AGGRESSION
TILL I GO TO LAW SCHOOL.
SO, HUGH, HAVE YOU HEARD ALL THE LATEST AMERICAN JOKES?
HERE'S A GOOD ONE.
PULL MY FINGER.
OH, YES, WE HAVE THAT ONE IN ENGLAND TOO, MR. SIMPSON.
I SAID, PULL MY FINGER!
MOM, WE'VE GOT MY WEDDING DRESS FITTING THIS AFTERNOON.
MAGGIE, IF YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING,
WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH US?
MAGGIE, DON'T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!
ME AND BART WILL TAKE HUGH OUT ON THE TOWN THIS AFTERNOON.
HUGH SHOULD TAKE IT EASY BECAUSE OF HIS FALL.
OH, LISA, PLEASE. THE ONLY THING BRUISED
IN THAT FALL WAS MY SPINE.
I'LL BE DELIGHTED.
GREAT. THERE'S ONLY ONE THING I ASK IN RETURN.
CERTAINLY.
PULL MY FINGER!
SO, THIS DRIVING ON THE LEFT
MAKES YOU FEEL MORE AT HOME, HUH, HUGH?
Kent Brockman: And tonight,
the following celebrities have been arrested
while Heather Locklear Fortensky remains at large.
Remember, if you see any celebrities
consider them dangerous.
YOU KNOW, I RATHER LIKE THIS PUB.
OH-HO! AN ENGLISH BOY, HUH?
YOU KNOW, WE SAVED YOUR ASS IN WORLD WAR II.
YEAH, WELL WE SAVED YOUR ASS IN WORLD WAR III.
THAT'S TRUE.
HUGH,
THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO HAVE.
MY DAD GAVE ME HIS CUFFLINKS TO WEAR
ON THE DAY I MARRIED MARGE
AND THEY BROUGHT US GOOD LUCK.
I COULDN'T IMAGINE A HAPPIER MARRIAGE.
WE DON'T HAVE MANY TRADITIONS IN OUR FAMILY
BUT IT'D MEAN A LOT TO ME
IF YOU KEPT THIS ONE ALIVE.
WELL, I'D BE HONORED.
TO...
WEAR THOSE... THINGS.
( sighs )
OW!
HEY, WATCH THOSE VIRTUAL DARTS!
I'M TRYING TO PLAY VIRTUAL POOL.
OW!
WHY YOU!
HEY! HEY! NO FIGHTING IN MY BAR!
( screaming )
YOU KNOW, FOX TURNED INTO
A HARD-CORE SEX CHANNEL SO GRADUALLY
I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
EESH!
MARGE, IT'S SO GREAT TO HAVE THE WHOLE FAMILY
TOGETHER UNDER ONE ROOF.
I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH I MISSED IT.
LISTEN TO THE MURMURS IN THE NEXT ROOM.
THE HOUSE IS FULL OF LIFE AGAIN.
( sighs )
KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!
ALL RIGHT, DAD!
I'M SORRY I LEFT YOU ALONE WITH HOMER AND BART.
NO, NO, HONEY. WE HAD A FINE TIME.
HOW DID YOU GET THAT GASH ON YOUR FOREHEAD?
OH, THAT WAS WHEN WE HID IN THE DUMPSTER
AFTER THE FIRE ALARM WENT OFF
IN THE PORNOGRAPHIC MAGAZINE WAREHOUSE.
OH... YOU ARE SO GOOD TO PUT UP WITH ALL OF THIS.
OH, DON'T BE SILLY, LISA.
EVERYTHING'S FINE-- REALLY.
NOW GO TO SLEEP.
WE HAVE A BIG DAY AHEAD OF US TOMORROW.
A BIG, LONG DAY.
LISA, I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY ALREADY.
MOM, I FEEL KIND OF FUNNY WEARING WHITE.
I MEAN, MILHOUSE...
MILHOUSE DOESN'T COUNT.
OKAY, I'VE GOT SOMETHING OLD,
THAT'S MY PEARL NECKLACE.
SOMETHING NEW IS THE WEDDING DRESS.
SOMETHING BORROWED IS THIS ANTIQUE BROOCH
FROM HUGH'S MOTHER.
NOW I JUST NEED SOMETHING BLUE.
HERE.
OH, MOM, THANKS.
Both: MMM...
HI!
WOW, LISA, LOOKING AT YOU
MAKES ME WANT TO GET MARRIED
FOR A THIRD TIME.
I MET A REALLY NICE EXOTIC DANCER
THE OTHER NIGHT AT HUGH'S BACHELOR PARTY.
HUGH DIDN'T HAVE A BACHELOR PARTY.
WE HAD ONE IN HIS HONOR.
I HAD ONE IN HIS HONOR.
I WENT TO A STRIP CLUB.
WELL, HERE GOES NOTHING.
( sighs )
MOM, DAD, MEET...
HOMER SIMPSON.
HOW DO YOU DO? HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO MEET YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT YOU ENGLISH?
OCTOPUSSY.
MAN, I MUST HAVE SEEN THAT MOVIE... TWICE.
YES...
YES!
WELL, THAT'S NOT TOO BAD.
HEY, KRABAPPEL
YOU GET IN THE WAY OF THAT BOUQUET
I'LL STUFF THAT SUN HAT DOWN YOUR NECK.
SMITHERS, TAKE ME HOME.
I'M NOT FULLY DEFROSTED.
NONSENSE.
JUST SIT DOWN AND REST FOR A MOMENT.
HERE YOU GO.
( groans )
OH, NO.
WE'VE GOT A LITTLE SITUATION HERE.
I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING BELOW MY CUMMERBUND.
OOH-LA-LA!
HI, DAD.
YOU LOOK GREAT, SWEETHEART.
THANKS.
LITTLE LISA, LISA SIMPSON.
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS FELT YOU WERE THE BEST THING
MY NAME EVER GOT ATTACHED TO.
SINCE THE TIME YOU LEARNED TO PIN YOUR OWN DIAPERS,
YOU'VE BEEN SMARTER THAN ME.
OH, DAD.
NO, NO. LET ME FINISH.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN PROUD OF YOU.
YOU'RE MY GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT
AND YOU DID IT ALL YOURSELF.
YOU HELPED ME UNDERSTAND MY OWN WIFE BETTER
AND TAUGHT ME TO BE A BETTER PERSON
BUT YOU'RE ALSO MY DAUGHTER.
I DON'T THINK ANYBODY COULD HAVE HAD A BETTER DAUGHTER THAN...
DAD, YOU'RE BABBLING.
SEE? YOU'RE STILL HELPING ME.
HEY, DAD
DID YOU FORGET TO GIVE THOSE CUFFLINKS TO HUGH?
UH... NO.
WELL?
I FOUND THEM ON THE NIGHTSTAND THIS MORNING.
I GUESS THEY WEREN'T HIS CUP OF TEA.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
BUT YOU'VE BEEN GOING ON
ABOUT THESE ALL WEEK.
I'M SURE HE JUST FORGOT.
LISA! WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE
EACH OTHER BEFORE THE WEDDING.
IT'S TRADITION.
WHAT ABOUT MY FAMILY'S TRADITION?
SURELY, YOU DON'T WANT ME TO WEAR THOSE
IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS AND THEIR FRIENDS?
BUT YOU PROMISED MY DAD YOU WOULD.
I WAS JUST HUMORING HIM, DARLING.
ACTUALLY, HE FRIGHTENS ME A BIT.
I KNOW THEY LOOK A LITTLE SILLY
BUT HIS FEELINGS WILL BE HURT IF YOU DON'T WEAR THEM.
FINE.
I MUST SAY, YOU WERE RIGHT.
THIS HAS BEEN QUITE TRYING.
YOU KNOW, I'VE ATTEMPTED TO ENJOY YOUR FAMILY
ON A PERSONAL LEVEL, ON AN IRONIC LEVEL,
AS A NOVELTY, AS CAMP, AS KITSCH,
AS A CAUTIONARY EXAMPLE-- NOTHING WORKS.
FRANKLY, I'LL BE QUITE RELIEVED
WHEN WE GET BACK TO ENGLAND
AND WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM.
ARE YOU SAYING WE WON'T SEE MY FAMILY AGAIN?
POSSIBLY YOUR MOTHER WILL COME
WHEN THE CHILDREN ARE BORN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HEARING THIS.
I DON'T WANT TO CUT MY FAMILY OUT OF MY LIFE.
OH, REALLY?
BUT LISA, YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS PLACE--
YOU'RE LIKE A FLOWER THAT GREW OUT OF A POT OF DIRT.
THAT'S A HORRIBLE THING TO SAY!
OH, COME ON, YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM MORE THAN ANYONE.
MAYBE, BUT I STILL LOVE THEM
AND I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THAT.
AND NOW, TO SING "AMAZING GRACE"
MISS MAGGIE SIMPSON.
SHE'S QUITE A HELLION
BUT SHE DOES HAVE AN INCREDIBLE VOICE.
( coughing )
STOP EVERYTHING!
THE WEDDING HAS BEEN CALLED OFF.
( all gasping )
HA! HA!
( groans )
UH, THIS IS VERY SAD NEWS
AND IT NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED
IF THE WEDDING HAD BEEN INSIDE THE CHURCH WITH GOD
INSTEAD OF OUT HERE IN THE CHEAP SHOWINESS OF NATURE.
WHO WANTS CAKE?
( yelling )
THE NEXT DAY, HUGH GOES
BACK TO ENGLAND
AND YOU NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.
WOW! NOW THAT I KNOW ALL THIS
ISN'T THERE ANY WAY TO CHANGE THE FUTURE?
NO, BUT TRY TO LOOK SURPRISED.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU'D TELL ME ABOUT MY TRUE LOVE.
OH, YOU'LL HAVE A TRUE LOVE
BUT I SPECIALIZE IN FORETELLING
THE RELATIONSHIPS WHERE YOU GET JERKED AROUND.
( laughing )
LISA! LISA! WHERE WERE YOU?
YOU MISSED THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING!
HI, DAD.
I ATE SEVEN POUNDS OF FUDGE!
WOW!
THE MAN AT THE STAND SAID IT WAS A RECORD.
WOW, WHAT ELSE DID YOU DO, DAD?
I RODE THE TEACUPS.
THEN I GOT A LITTLE SICK AND I HAD TO SIT DOWN.
BUT TH I RODE THEM AGAIN...
SHH.