( bell ringing )
D-OHH!
( screams )
THIS BUS HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS.
WELL, AT LEAST IT'S SAFER THAN THE OLD BUS.
UH-OH. TIME TO MOVE.
THE HOLE'S GETTING BIGGER.
( crash )
THE CHILDREN ARE PLAYING IN THE HOLE AGAIN.
SHOULDN'T YOU GET THAT FIXED?
EDNA, YOU KNOW THEY JUST CUT THE SCHOOL'S BUDGET.
IF I HAD THE MONEY, I'D FIX THE EXHAUST LEAK IN THE BACK.
I THINK IT'S CAUSING OUR LOW TEST SCORES.
( coughing )
THE BATTLEFIELD IS A HALF MILE AHEAD.
BEGIN BRAKING PROCEDURE!
THIS CIVIL WAR CANNON HAS BEEN FULLY RESTORED
AND IS IN READY-TO-FIRE CONDITION
BUT IT'S GOOD WE'RE NOT FIRING IT.
BECAUSE IT HAPPENS TO BE AIMED
AT THE MAIN SUPPORT LEG OF THAT LOOKOUT TOWER.
PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE
THAT CANNONS ARE VERY SENSITIVE
AND THE SLIGHTEST JOLT COULD SET THEM OFF.
( tires screeching )
OF COURSE, FOR SAFETY REASONS
WE DON'T KEEP THE CANNON LOADED.
IT'S JUST COMMON SENSE.
OTTO, WHY DON'T YOU
GET SOME MORE GAS?
HERE'S THE CREDIT CARD.
OOH.
AND A MINT FOR AFTERWARDS.
FIVE DOLLARS A CHILD?!
LAST YEAR IT WAS FREE.
HMPH. NEW OWNERSHIP.
BUT WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY.
IN FACT, NO SCHOOL
COULD AFFORD THE...
HERE'S THE ADMISSION
PLUS SOMETHING FOR YOU.
SEE THAT THEY GET A LITTLE EXTRA EDUCATION.
YES, SIR, PRINCIPAL VALIANT.
HE THINKS HE'S SO HOT EVER SINCE HE SWEPT THE PRINCI AWARDS.
THOSE THINGS ARE RIGGED.
Narrator: ON MAY 21, 1864
THE MEN OF THE NINTH BEARDED INFANTRY
WERE SUNNING AND FLUFFING THEIR BEARDS IN THE SUN.
SUDDENLY, ENEMY TROOPS CRESTED THAT HILL OVER THERE.
FORT SPRINGFIELD, WE SURRENDER UNCONDITIONALLY!
WE'RE SICK!
WE NEED LEECHES
AND HACKSAWS TO SAW OFF OUR GANGRENOUS LIMBS!
BUT THE SPRINGFIELD BRIGADE
WAS TOO BRAVE TO ACCEPT THE SURRENDER.
THOSE WHITE FLAGS ARE NO MATCH FOR OUR MUSKETS!
CHARGE!
AND THE SPRINGFIELDERS HEROICALLY SLAUGHTERED
THEIR ENEMIES AS THEY PRAYED FOR MERCY.
( cheering )
Bart: IT'S HARD TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
I CAN ONLY MAKE OUT THE FAT SOLDIERS.
ALL RIGHT. SWITCH.
HEY, THEY'RE TRYING TO LEARN FOR FREE!
GET THEM!
USE YOUR PHONY GUNS AS CLUBS!
RUN, CHILDREN!
( children screaming )
START THE BUS, OTTO!
START THE BUS!
( coughing ): DAMN.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN THE MINT FIRST.
OKAY. HOP ON.
WAIT! WAIT!
SLOW DOWN!
BECAUSE OF YOUR PENNY-PINCHING
WE'RE COMING BACK FROM A FIELD TRIP
WITH THE FEWEST CHILDREN YET.
GOD BLESS THE MAN WHO INVENTED PERMISSION SLIPS.
UH, I THINK I GOT YOUR LUNCH.
OH, YEAH.
I DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS FOR ME.
THE TEACHERS ARE FED UP.
YOU HAVE TO PUT MONEY BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.
YOU'VE CUT BACK ON EVERYTHING--
SALARIES, SUPPLIES, THE FOOD.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, I CAN TASTE THE NEWSPAPER.
POSH. SHREDDED NEWSPAPERS
ADD MUCH-NEEDED ROUGHAGE AND ESSENTIAL INKS.
BESIDES, YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THE OLD GYM MATS.
THERE'S VERY LITTLE MEAT IN THESE GYM MATS.
OUR DEMANDS ARE VERY REASONABLE.
BY IGNORING THEM
YOU'RE SELLING OUT THESE CHILDREN'S FUTURES.
WE BOTH KNOW THESE CHILDREN HAVE NO FUTURE.
( nervous laughter ): PROVE ME WRONG, KIDS.
PROVE ME WRONG.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM FIGHT LIKE THAT.
I'M WORRIED THAT THIS POSTURING AND SABER RATTLING
COULD LEAD TO A TEACHERS' STRIKE.
STRIKE, EH?
( cracking )
OW!
MY BONES ARE SO BRITTLE.
BUT I ALWAYS DRINK PLENTY OF...
"MALK"?
HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO TEACH WITH THESE SUPPLIES?
THIS POINTER'S SO OLD, IT'S WORN DOWN TO A NUB.
IT STILL POINTS.
STOP THAT!
AND LOOK AT THIS.
THE ONLY BOOKS WE HAVE ARE ONES BANNED BY OTHER SCHOOLS.
WELL, THE KIDS HAVE TO LEARN
ABOUT TEK WAR SOONER OR LATER.
GO AWAY. THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME.
I SAW YOU TWO FIGHTING.
I'M WORRIED THERE COULD BE A STRIKE
AND THE SCHOOL WOULD SHUT DOWN.
I'M SURE YOU'D REALLY HATE THAT.
THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE A STRIKE, BART.
YEAH.. SKINNER SAYS YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
THE WON TONS TO GO THROUGH WITH IT.
SKINNER SAID THAT?
I HAD TO CLEAN IT UP A LITTLE.
BUT BASICALLY, KRABAPPEL SAID
YOU'D GIVE THE TEACHERS EVERYTHING THEY WANT.
SHE DID?
YEAH. SHE SAID
YOU'D FOLD FASTER THAN SUPERMAN ON LAUNDRY DAY.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE SNEAKY AND MANIPULATIVE
BUT NOW I SEE
YOU'RE REALLY A VERY SENSITIVE LITTLE BOY.
THANK YOU, SIR.
AW.
SEYMOUR, YOU'RE BEING TOTALLY UNFAIR,
AND THE TEACHERS WON'T STAND FOR IT.
TEACHERS, YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO STRIKE!
YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO TAKE US ALL ON!
( imitating chicken )
THAT'S IT!
STEE-RIKE!
( sounds of struggle )
Skinner: Attention.
This is an emergency broadcast.
All is well in the school.
My authority as principal is total...
Hey, give me that!
Mrs. Krabappel: Attention, teachers. We're on strike. Ha!
( children murmuring )
WE'RE ON STRIKE?
MISS HOOVER, ARE YOU ON..?
( tires screeching )
GO HOME, CHILDREN!
HELLO?
MRS. POMMELHORST?
I'D LIKE TO GET DOWN NOW.
( playing "Pomp and Circumstance" )
HEY, NOW THAT LARGO'S GONE
WE CAN PLAY THE FORBIDDEN MUSIC.
( playing "Pop Goes the Weasel" )
I HEARD THAT!
( cheering )
BART, LISA-- WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HOME SO EARLY?
GREAT NEWS, MOM!
HORRIBLE NEWS, MOM!
THE SCHOOL'S ON STRIKE!
MAYBE FOREVER!
OH! OVERLOAD! PLEASURE OVERLOAD!
LUCKILY, I'VE PREPARED FOR THIS
SO I'M NOT TOO WORRIED.
( bell rings on tape )
Sit up straight. Eyes forward.
No talking.
Is that gum? Is that gum?
Is that gum?
OH, YEAH. PHEW!
BART, LEAVE THAT CROWBAR.
YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE YOU PRYING AND JIMMYING.
MOM! DAD! GREAT NEWS! THE TEACHERS...
WE HEARD.
AND WE ALREADY HIRED A TUTOR.
LOOKS LIKE WE'LL BE STAYING LATE TODAY
TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THIS DILLYDALLYING.
OH!
( children hollering )
( tires squealing )
AWESOME.
YOU, WITH THE CRANE!
SPIN AROUND REAL FAST!
( crash )
NOW YOU! DUMP THREE TONS OF SAND ONTO THAT PORTA-POTTY.
( grunts )
( Bart's voice ): HEY! CAN'T YOU TELL MY VOICE
FROM A TEN-YEAR-OLD KID'S?
AY, CARAMBA!
( jingles )
HEY, THAT LITTLE BOY
IS PLAYING THREE GAMES AT ONCE.
All: CHECKMATE.
DANG.
( noisy eating )
LOUSY TEACHERS TRYING TO PALM OFF OUR KIDS ON US.
BUT THEY'RE TRYING TO EFFECT A CHANGE IN MANAGEMENT
SO THEY CAN BE HAPPIER AND MORE PRODUCTIVE.
LISA! IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR JOB, YOU DON'T STRIKE.
YOU JUST GO IN EVERY DAY AND DO IT REALLY HALF-ASSED.
THAT'S THE AMERICAN WAY.
I'VE GOT SOME TEXTBOOKS, BUT WITHOUT STATE-APPROVED SYLLABI
AND STANDARDIZED TESTING, MY EDUCATION CAN ONLY GO SO FAR.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD RELAX A LITTLE.
RELAX?! I CAN'T RELAX!
NOR CAN I YIELD, RELENT OR...
( squeals )
ONLY TWO SYNONYMS?!
OH, MY GOD!
I'M LOSING MY PERSPICACITY!
( screams )
WELL, IT'S ALWAYS IN THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK.
Lisa: SO, IF WE WERE IN SCHOOL THIS WEEK
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'D BE LEARNING?
GET AWAY FROM ME.
GOOD NEWS, PEOPLE!
I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE
THAT ANOTHER UNION HAS JOINED US IN A SYMPATHY STRIKE--
THE PIANO TUNERS LOCAL 412!
( confused murmuring )
NOW, FOR OPERATION STRIKE-MAKE-GO-LONGER.
YOU KNOW, I HEARD SKINNER SAY
THE TEACHERS WILL CRACK ANY MINUTE.
( whispering )
SKINNER SAID THE TEACHERS WILL CRACK
ANY MINUTE PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER.
WELL! WE'LL SHOW HIM--
ESPECIALLY FOR THAT PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER REMARK.
SHOW HIM WHO'S A MONKEY!
SEYMOUR, YOU ARE TRULY INCOMPETENT.
I HARDLY THINK IT'S FAIR TO...
DUMMY UP, YOU! LISTEN TO THOSE PASSING MOTORISTS
WHO SUPPORT THE TEACHERS.
( honking )
15 MINUTE RECESS, MILHOUSE.
THE RECESS ASSIGNMENT IS CHAPTERS THREE THROUGH SEVEN.
YAY!
RECESS!
I FOUND A HIVE OF KILLER BEES.
YOU WANT TO GO THROW ROCKS AT IT?
SORRY, BART. I'M DEEPLY IMMERSED IN THE TEAPOT DOME SCANDAL.
HUH?
HOWEVER, IT MIGHT BE FEASIBLE
IN A FORTNIGHT.
WHA..?
I CAN PLAY IN TWO WEEKS.
JUH?
( sniffs )
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
STARK WOULD STOOP TO THAT
AND RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
OF MONTANA AND DAKOTA'S WEDDING.
ALL THIS FREE TIME. I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D GET SICK OF "RAZOR FIGHT II, THE SLASHENING."
I SHOULD STOP.
MY DOCTOR SAYS
I HAVE THE WRISTS OF AN 80-YEAR-OLD.
( wicked laugh )
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE BANK IS OUT OF MONEY?!
INSOLVENT!
YOU ONLY HAVE ENOUGH CASH FOR THE NEXT THREE CUSTOMERS?!
( angry yelling )
( imitating Jimmy Stewart): W-WAIT A MINUTE!
J-J-JUST A SECOND HERE!
I DON'T HAVE YOUR MONEY HERE.
IT'S IN BILL'S HOUSE A-A-AND FRED'S HOUSE.
WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING WITH MY MONEY IN YOUR HOUSE?
( angry shouting )
( evil laughter )
( Lisa panting )
GRADE ME! LOOK AT ME!
EVALUATE AND RANK ME!
OH! I'M GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, AND OH, SO SMART!
GRADE ME!
( nervous growling )
( relieved sigh )
( contented cooing )
I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE KIDS.
LISA'S BECOMING VERY OBSESSIVE.
THIS MORNING I CAUGHT HER TRYING TO DISSECT HER OWN RAINCOAT.
( blows raspberry )
I KNOW.
AND THIS PERPETUAL MOTION MACHINE SHE MADE IS A JOKE.
IT JUST KEEPS GOING FASTER AND FASTER.
BART ISN'T DOING VERY WELL EITHER.
HE NEEDS BOUNDARIES AND STRUCTURE.
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT FLYING A KITE AT NIGHT
THAT'S SO UNWHOLESOME.
( spooky voice ): HELLO, MOTHER DEAR.
OH, THAT'S IT!
WE HAVE TO GET THEM BACK TO SCHOOL.
I'M WITH YOU, MARGE.
LISA, GET IN HERE!
IN THIS HOUSE, WE OBEY THE LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS!
I'D LIKE
TO CALL THIS MEETING
OF THE P.T.A TO OR-DIDDLY-ORDER.
LET'S SEE IF WE CAN'T PUT AN END TO THIS STRIKE FUSS.
MRS. KRABAPPEL, WHY DON'T YOU BEGIN?
BOO!
OH, BOO YOURSELF.
OUR DEMANDS ARE SIMPLE: A SMALL COST-OF-LIVING INCREASE
AND BETTER EQUIPMENT AND SUPPLIES FOR YOUR CHILDREN!
THAT'S EASY! GIVE IT TO 'EM!
IN A DREAM WORLD.
WE HAVE A VERY TIGHT BUDGET.
TO DO WHAT SHE'S ASKING, WE'D HAVE TO RAISE TAXES.
RAISE TAXES? TOO HIGH AS THEY ARE!
I'VE HAD ENOUGH!
IT'S YOUR CHILDREN'S FUTURE!
OH, YEAH! CHILDREN! YES!
I FORGOT.
IT'LL COST YA.
NO TO TAXES!
THEY'RE GONNA RAISE TAXES!
COME ON!
ALL RIGHT. THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
OH, YEAH.
( murmuring )
THE TAXES!
THE FINGER THING MEANS THE TAXES.
THIS IS A CASE WHERE WE'LL HAVE TO AGREE TO DISAGREE.
I DON'T AGREE TO THAT.
NEITHER DO I.
OH, HO-HO! THIS IS A DILLY OF A PICKLE.
OH, MY GOD!
THE P.T.A. HAS DISBANDED!
( gasps )
( screams )
NO, NO! THE P.T.A. HAS N DISBANDED.
( yells )
WE DO HAVE
AN EMERGENCY PLAN IN CASE OF A PROLONGED STRIKE RIGHT HERE.
LET'S SEE.
"REPLACE TEACHERS WITH SUPER-INTELLIGENT CYBORGS.
"OR, IF CYBORGS ARE NOT INVENTED YET
USE PEOPLE FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD."
TALKIN' OUT OF TURN, THAT'S A PADDLIN'.
LOOKIN' OUT THE WINDOW, THAT'S A PADDLIN'.
STARIN' AT MY SANDALS, THAT'S A PADDLIN'.
PADDLIN' THE SCHOOL CANOE--
OH, YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT'S A PADDLIN'.
OH.
( mumbling )
ALL RIGHT.
SO THE COMPRESSION AND EXPANSION
OF THE LONGITUDINAL WAVES
CAUSE THE ERRATIC OSCILLATION--
YOU CAN SEE IT THERE--
OF THE NEIGHBORING PARTICLES.
WHAT IS IT?
CAN I
PLAY WITH IT?
NO! YOU WON'T ENJOY IT ON AS MANY LEVELS
AS I DO.
( babbling )
THE COLORS, CHILDREN.
OKAY.
WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME, YOU SAY "PRESENT" OR "HERE."
NO, SAY PRESENT.
"ANITA BATH..."
( laughing )
ALL RIGHT. SETTLE DOWN.
ANITA BATH HERE?
( laughing )
ALL RIGHT. FINE, FINE.
UH, "MAYA BUTTREEKS."
( laughing )
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?
WHAT?
OH, OH, I GET IT.
I GET IT.
IT'S MY BIG EARS, ISN'T IT, KIDS?
ISN'T IT?!
WELL, CHILDREN, I CAN'T HELP THAT!
( sobs )
AH!
WOW, BART! I'M IMPRESSED
THE WAY YOU KNOCKED OFF ALL THOSE SUBSTITUTES.
IN MY WEAKER MOMENTS, I ALMOST PITY THEM.
THEN I JUST REMIND MYSELF: THEY'RE TRYING TO TEACH.
WELL CHILDREN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID
TO ALL THOSE SUBSTITUTES, BUT IT'S GOING TO STOP NOW! LEOPOLD?
ALL RIGHT. YOU LISTEN UP, YOU LITTLE FREAKS!
THE FUN STOPS HERE.
YOU'RE GOING TO SHUT YOUR STINKING TRAPS AND BEHAVE, DAMN IT!
THIS IS ONE SUBSTITUTE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SCREW WITH!
( gulping )
MARGE SIMPSON.
HELLO, CLASS!
HI, BART! OVER HERE, SWEETIE!
IT'S ME, MOM!
HI. HEY! HELLO!
( groans )
WELL, I'M SURE SOME OF YOU KNOW ME. I'M BART'S MOTHER.
( laughing )
MO-OM!
HEY BART, WHAT ABOUT THE BOOBY TRAP?
( gasps )
MAY I?
THANK YOU.
TEACHER'S PET.
GOODY-GOODY.
I MEANT THE OTHER BOOBY TRAP.
( gasps )
KIDS HAVE BEEN DOING THAT ONE
SINCE MY DAY.
SO, HOW WAS EVERYBODY'S DAY AT SCHOOL?
HORRIFYING.
POINTLESS.
EXHAUSTING.
IT TOOK THE CHILDREN 40 MINUTES TO LOCATE CANADA ON THE MAP.
ANYONE CAN MISS CANADA TUCKED AWAY DOWN THERE.
MY TEACHER'S A NIGHTMARE.
THREE KIDS GOT SICK FROM INHALING HIS OINTMENT FUMES
HE CONFISCATED EVERYTHING MADE OF TIN
AND THEN HE SENT US HOME EARLY
BECAUSE HE GOT HIS BEARD CAUGHT IN THE PENCIL SHARPENER.
( growls )
OH. OH, UM... OKAY.
HMM...
HERE.
( growls )
OH. OKAY, UH...
LET'S SEE...
WHAT IF I DID THIS?
( growls )
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
( grumbling )
THERE'S NO WAY I'LL GET INTO AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL NOW.
I PROBABLY WON'T EVEN GET INTO VASSAR.
I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH
OF YOUR VASSAR BASHING, YOUNG LADY.
MOM, IT FEELS REALLY WEIRD HAVING YOU ON MY TURF.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I STARTED MOPPING THE FLOOR?
- I'D BE THRILLED. YOU CAN START RIGHT NOW. - D'OH!
AND I'LL KEEP TEACHING YOUR CLASS--
LIKE IT OR LUMP IT.
WELL, THEN
I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO GET INTO THE CRAWL SPACE AGAIN.
I HATE IT WHEN HE GETS IN THERE.
( grunting )
PSST. OVER HERE.
HUH?
MOM, I NEED A DOLLAR.
EVER SINCE YOU STARTED TEACHING HERE,
KIDS HAVE BEEN TAKING MY LUNCH MONEY.
I NEED THAT MONEY FOR CANDY.
HERE YOU GO, PRECIOUS.
NOW GO OFF WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
HERE YOU GO, PRECIOUS.
( grunts and groans )
WHY ISN'T MY MOM STOPPING THIS?
WE'VE CREATED A DIVERSION.
THAT'S A VERY NICE JIG, KEARNEY.
ISN'T DANCING MUCH MORE FUN THAN BULLYING?
YEAH.
THAT'S IT. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
I GOT TO GET THE REAL TEACHERS BACK.
BART, YOU'LL NEVER GET KRABAPPEL AND SKINNER TOGETHER AGAIN.
THEY'RE LIKE TWO POSITIVELY CHARGED IONS.
ZUH?
WAIT! THAT'S IT.
WITH YOUR BOOK SMARTS, AND MY ABILITY
TO EXPLOIT PEOPLE WITH BOOK SMARTS
WE CAN FIGURE OUT A PLAN TO GET THEM BACK TOGETHER.
A SURPRISE PARTY FOR ME IN PRINCIPAL SKINNER'S OFFICE?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW... BUT ALL RIGHT.
ME? GO TO MY OFFICE?
IT'S HIGHLY IRREGULAR, BUT ALL RIGHT.
AND YOU'RE NOT COMING OUT
UNTIL YOU REACH AN AGREEMENT.
Skinner: LET US OUT, BART!
Mrs. Krabappel: THIS IS NOT FUNNY!
OPEN THIS DOOR!
DON'T WORRY. THEY'LL START NEGOTIATING.
EDNA: LET US OUT!
SKINNER: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET US OUT!
MAN, THIS IS LIKE 'NAM!
LET US OUT!
COME ON, OR YOU WILL BE S SORRY!
( Mrs. Krabappel whimpering )
( shouting stops )
( shouting resumes )
SKINNER: YOU'RE GOING TO BE VERRRRRY, VERY SORRY!
WELL, SEYMOUR, I GUESS WE COULD START TALKING.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
THERE'S NO MORE MONEY
UNLESS YOU'VE GOT SOME MAGIC NEW SOURCE OF REVENUE.
WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
THEY'VE GOT US LOCKED IN HERE LIKE PRISONERS.
PRISONERS IN OUR OWN SCHOOL.
AH! AH!
THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO MAKE
EXTRA MONEY-- RENTING OUT
OUR CLOAKROOMS TO THE OVERCROWDED PRISON SYSTEM.
YO. I USED TO SIT RIGHT OVER THERE.
( children whimpering )
IT'S ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN. JUST IGNORE THE MURDERER.
AS A BONUS, SOME OF OUR MORE TROUBLESOME STUDENTS
MIGHT BE SCARED STRAIGHT.
PSST, KID.
HELP ME BREAK OUT OF HERE.
I'LL TOTALLY MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE.
I'M LISTENING.
Shh!