1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,131 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,136 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,807 D'oh! 4 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,600 -Ahh! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:22,856 (honking) 6 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,705 {\an8}Hymns here. I got hymns here. Get 'em while they're Holy. 7 00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:41,166 {\an8}Fresh from God's brain to your mouth. 8 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,625 {\an8}(chuckles) 9 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,962 {\an8}And now, please rise for our opening hymn. 10 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,839 {\an8}Uh... 11 00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:52,343 {\an8}"In the Garden of Eden" by I-ron Butterfly. 12 00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,971 {\an8}♪♪ (organ plays "In A Gadda Davida") 13 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:03,521 {\an8}♪ In the Garden of Eden, honey ♪ 14 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:07,609 {\an8}♪ Don't you know that I love you ♪ 15 00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:10,820 {\an8}♪ In the Garden of Eden, baby ♪ 16 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:14,616 {\an8}♪ Don't you know that I'll always be true ♪ 17 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:17,243 {\an8}(laughs) 18 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,456 {\an8}Hey Marge, remember when 19 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,666 {\an8}we used to make out to this hymn? 20 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,668 {\an8}(giggles) Shh... 21 00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:29,589 ♪♪ 22 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:36,387 {\an8}♪ Oh, won't you come with me? ♪ 23 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:40,141 ♪ And take my hand ♪ 24 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:44,020 Wait a minute, this sounds like rock and/or roll. 25 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,816 {\an8}(organist riffing) 26 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:59,994 I know one of you is responsible for this, so repeat after me: 27 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,831 "If I withhold the truth, may I go straight to hell, 28 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,917 "where I will eat naught but burning hot coals 29 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,877 and drink naught but burning hot cola." 30 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,505 Where fiery demons will punch me in the back. 31 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,590 Where my soul will be chopped into confetti 32 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,260 and strewn upon a parade of murderers and single mothers. 33 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:18,429 Where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds. 34 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:19,722 (shrieking) 35 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,308 Bart did it! That Bart right there! 36 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:23,893 Milhouse! 37 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,521 Milhouse, you did the right thing. 38 00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:27,981 Bart, come with me for punishment. 39 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:29,691 You, too, snitchy. 40 00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:32,193 Now I want you to clean every one of these organ pipes 41 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:35,488 that you have befouled with your "popular music." 42 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,329 (door closing) 43 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,330 You shank. 44 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,374 How could you tell on me? 45 00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:49,752 Well, I didn't want hungry birds pecking my soul forever. 46 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:54,048 Soul? Come on, Milhouse, there's no such thing as a soul. 47 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,009 It's just something they made up to scare kids 48 00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:58,219 like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. 49 00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,763 But every religion says there's a soul, Bart. 50 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,223 Why would they lie? 51 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,308 What would they have to gain? 52 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:07,353 I don't hear scrubbing. 53 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,522 Well, if your soul's real, where is it? 54 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,566 It's kind of in here. 55 00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:12,984 And when you sneeze 56 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,069 that's your soul trying to escape. 57 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,572 Saying "God bless you" crams it back in. 58 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:20,533 And when you die, it squirms out and flies away. 59 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,744 {\an8}Uh-huh. What if you die in a submarine 60 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:23,786 {\an8}at the bottom of the ocean? 61 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,080 Oh, it can swim. 62 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,499 It's even got wheels in case you die in the desert 63 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,293 and it has to drive to the cemetery. 64 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:33,379 {\an8}How can someone with glasses that thick be so stupid? 65 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,757 Listen, you don't have a soul, I don't have a soul. 66 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,551 There's no such thing as a soul. 67 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:39,761 Fine. 68 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,138 If you're so sure about that 69 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,390 why don't you sell your soul to me? 70 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:45,808 How much you got? 71 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,435 -Five bucks. -Deal. 72 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,273 There you go. One soul. 73 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,569 Pleasure doing business with you. 74 00:03:56,653 --> 00:04:00,740 Anytime, chum... p. 75 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,701 All right, where would you kids like to eat tonight? 76 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,578 The Spaghetti Laboratory! 77 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:06,704 Face Stuffers! 78 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,164 Professor V.J. Cornucopia's 79 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,251 Fantastic Foodmagorium and Great American Steakery. 80 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,794 Well, what about this place? 81 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:14,420 "Moe's." 82 00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:17,715 (screams) 83 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:20,176 Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me. 84 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,552 Oh, I'm sorry. 85 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,429 I thought this was a family restaurant. 86 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,014 Oh, it is. It is. 87 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,767 Just, uh... pull them stools up to the pool table. 88 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:31,312 {\an8}Daddy, this place smells like tinkle. 89 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,981 Mm-hmm. I think we'll just go to 90 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,482 the Texas Cheesecake Depository. 91 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:38,319 Everybody is going to family restaurants these days. 92 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,114 Seems nobody wants to hang out in a dank pit no more. 93 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,533 You ain't thinking of getting rid of the dank, are you, Moe? 94 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,326 Ah, maybe I am. 95 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,662 But, Moe, the dank, the dank. 96 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:48,997 Yeah, family restaurants. 97 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,832 That's where the big bucks are. 98 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,502 I could turn this joint into a place 99 00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:57,130 where you wouldn't be ashamed to bring your family, huh? 100 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:58,298 I'm not ashamed. 101 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,634 Hey, put a coaster under that. 102 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:12,312 Oh, Lisa. 103 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,939 There's a little present for you lying in the driveway. 104 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,482 Oh, boy! Really? 105 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,028 (gasps) 106 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,948 (roaring) 107 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:24,949 (screaming) 108 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,617 Oh, no! 109 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,995 It's dripping funny-smelling water all over me! 110 00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:38,254 (sighs) 111 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,590 I wasted five bucks on these. 112 00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:41,591 Where did you get five bucks? 113 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:42,967 I want five bucks. 114 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,761 I sold my soul to Milhouse. 115 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,472 What? How could you do that? 116 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,599 Your soul is the most valuable part of you. 117 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,559 You believe in that junk? 118 00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:54,979 Well, whether or not the soul is physically real, Bart, 119 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,815 it's the symbol of everything fine inside us. 120 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,276 Tsk, tsk, tsk. Poor, gullible Lisa. 121 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,487 I'll keep my crappy sponges, thanks. 122 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:05,490 Bart, your soul is the only part of you that lasts forever. 123 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:06,949 For five dollars, 124 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,410 Milhouse could own you for a zillion years. 125 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,329 Well, if you think he got such a good deal, 126 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,581 I'll sell you my conscience for 4.50. 127 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,458 I'll throw in my sense of decency too. 128 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:18,378 It's a Bart Sales Event. Everything about me must go. 129 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:20,880 Hey boy, how you doing? 130 00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:22,298 (growling) 131 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,425 Man, what's gotten into you? 132 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,052 (hissing) 133 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,512 Geez, you're pretty uppity 134 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,180 for someone who eats bugs all day. 135 00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:36,020 Stupid automatic door. 136 00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:39,899 BOTH: Thank you, door. 137 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,033 Some ice cream guy is going to see that 138 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,035 and it will blow his mind. 139 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,078 Let me try. 140 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:55,748 (blowing) 141 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,084 Way to breathe, no-breath. 142 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:03,631 This is getting weird. 143 00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:04,966 Sanjay, to the entrance with the Windex. 144 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,970 Sanjay, to the entrance with the Windex. 145 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,268 So c'mon, I need a name that says 146 00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:16,936 "friendly, all-American cooking." 147 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:18,146 How about 148 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,064 Chairman Moe's Magic Wok? 149 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,983 BARNEY: I like it. 150 00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:23,401 Nah. I want something that says 151 00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:24,861 people can have a nice, relaxing time. 152 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,028 I got it! 153 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,364 Madman Moe's Pressure Cooker. 154 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,074 BARNEY: I like it. 155 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:33,411 Hey, how about Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag? 156 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:34,745 BARNEY: I hate it. 157 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,080 (truck horn blaring) 158 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:39,167 Oh, boy. The deep fryer's here. 159 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,043 I got it used from the Navy. 160 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,713 You could flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds. 161 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,591 40 seconds? But I want it now. 162 00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:49,135 {\an8}♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show ♪ 163 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:01,564 (sighs) 164 00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,073 Whoa! 165 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:22,585 (sighs) 166 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:32,970 (screaming) 167 00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:36,182 (laughing) 168 00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,812 I know that's funny, but I'm just not laughing. 169 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,356 Hmm? 170 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:46,359 Pablo Neruda said laughter is the language of the soul. 171 00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,861 I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda. 172 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,821 I think we should do a test. 173 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,120 HOMER: ♪ Oh, do-do-do ♪ 174 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,205 ♪ I'm just walking... ♪ 175 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,540 Whoa! 176 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:01,582 D'oh! 177 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,001 -(laughing) -(Homer yelling) 178 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,294 Well? 179 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,588 Nope. I don't feel a thing. 180 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:08,798 That's creepy, Bart. 181 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,259 I think you really did lose your soul. 182 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,219 -Good boy. Ow! -(growling) 183 00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:14,470 Who's doin' that? 184 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,638 Hmm? 185 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:18,057 Nothing. 186 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,267 Ow! Help me! Ow! 187 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,477 Why isn't anybody-- Ow! Helping? 188 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:26,357 -(doorbell rings) -Hi, is Milhouse home? 189 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,359 He's playing in the dirt with his Army men. 190 00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:30,736 Oh, and a white piece of paper, I believe. 191 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:31,779 (gasps) 192 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:34,824 Cover me, Sarge. 193 00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,158 I'm going after Bart's soul. 194 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,160 (imitating gun fire) 195 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:41,914 If the Ayatollah can't have it, no one can. 196 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,874 (imitating engine) 197 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,042 Uh, uh, you know, Milhouse... 198 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,502 (smugly) Yes? 199 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,546 Bet you're getting tired of that soul, huh? 200 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,089 No. 201 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,925 Well, suppose someone wanted to buy it from you? 202 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,344 Ohh. You want to buy it back, Bart? 203 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,930 Sure. No problem. 204 00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,974 -50 bucks. -What?! 205 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,976 Who's stupid now? Huh? 206 00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:04,020 (maniacal laughing) 207 00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:12,820 If you like good food, good fun 208 00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:14,947 and a whole lot of crazy crap on the walls 209 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,992 then come on down to Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag. 210 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:21,912 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: At Moe's, we serve good, old-fashioned home cooking 211 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:22,913 deep-fried to perfection. 212 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,253 Now that's "Moe" like it. 213 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,547 So bring the whole family-- Mom, Dad, kids... 214 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,174 uh, no old people. 215 00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:34,175 They're not covered by our insurance. 216 00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:35,259 It's fun. 217 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,094 And remember our guarantee: 218 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:39,055 if I'm not smiling when your check comes, 219 00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:41,891 {\an8}your meal's on me, Uncle Moe. 220 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,727 {\an8}♪ Come to Uncle Moe's for family fun ♪ 221 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:48,522 {\an8}♪ It's good, good, good, good, good, good, good ♪ 222 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,358 Mmm. Sounds good. 223 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:53,736 (humming) 224 00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:56,614 Hmm... 225 00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:57,782 Bart, what's wrong? 226 00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:58,824 There's something a little off 227 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,117 about your hug. 228 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,119 Mom, I need to tell you something. 229 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,579 I kind of-- 230 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,164 Uh, uh, uh. Let me guess. 231 00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:07,375 A mother can always tell. 232 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,376 Mm-hmm. 233 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,627 Hmm. 234 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,379 It's not fear of nuclear war. 235 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,381 Mm-hmm. 236 00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:16,133 It's not swim test anxiety. 237 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:19,261 It almost feels like you're missing something-- 238 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,429 something important. 239 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,597 Like I don't have a soul? 240 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,182 (laughing) 241 00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:25,309 Ah, honey, you're not a monster. 242 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,902 GIRL: My soul's my best friend. 243 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,196 GIRL 2: My soul's like a toy that never breaks. 244 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,243 (cackles) 245 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,994 My soul can take your soul! 246 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:46,455 ♪ Bart sold his soul, and that's just swell ♪ 247 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,666 ♪ Now he's going straight to ♪ 248 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,043 ♪ Hello operator, give me number nine ♪ 249 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,628 ♪ And if you disconnect... ♪ 250 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,256 No soul, huh? Don't worry. 251 00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:57,425 I'm still behind you. 252 00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:58,676 Ha-ha. 253 00:11:58,759 --> 00:11:59,969 Ahoy there, friends. 254 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,804 Everybody find a first mate. 255 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,806 Oh, I choose Martin. 256 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:24,827 Wait. Wait for me! 257 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,622 (singsongy) Bart, it's time to end this dream, 258 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:31,333 and don't forget the standard scream. 259 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,210 (screaming) 260 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,343 An alligator with sunglasses? 261 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,179 Now I've seen everything. 262 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,598 Hiya, folks. Welcome to Uncle Moe's. 263 00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:48,726 Ah, look at all the cute little minors. 264 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,771 Wow. That's Moe. The guy from the ad. 265 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,230 Right this way, Homer. 266 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,232 And he knows my name. 267 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,778 Street signs indoors? 268 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,404 (giggles) Whatever. 269 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,406 Now Rod, you order anything you want 270 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,241 for your big ten-o. 271 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,243 Million Dollar Birthday Fries. 272 00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,037 Uh-oh. 273 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,997 Moe gets so excited when you order 274 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,832 his Million Dollar Birthday Fries 275 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,126 he just has to celebrate. 276 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,128 Here you go. Here I am, Uncle Moe. 277 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,129 Thank you, ma'am. 278 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,297 This'll be a treat. 279 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,716 Uncle Moe, here I am, while you eat. 280 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,889 Please take the fries off my head, kid. 281 00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,766 The basket is extremely hot. 282 00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:31,352 How are the southwestern pizza fingers? 283 00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:32,853 They're, um... 284 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,647 "awesomely outrageous." 285 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:35,981 Oh, these look good. 286 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,775 Guilt-free steak fish filets. 287 00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,485 No, no, let me level with you, Marge. 288 00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:40,611 That's just our name 289 00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:41,904 for bottom-feeding suction eel. 290 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,405 You don't want that. 291 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:46,325 Why don't you try Moe's Hobo Chicken Chili? 292 00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:48,953 I start with the best part, the neck, 293 00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:51,455 and then I add secret hobo spices. 294 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,415 Ooh, tres bien. 295 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,583 Yeah. 296 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,544 (giggles) 297 00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,712 What the hell are you doing, you little freak?! 298 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,006 (crying) 299 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,550 Oh, sorry, kid. Sorry. 300 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:03,926 I'm not used to the laughter of children. 301 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,970 It cuts through me like a dentist's drill. 302 00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:08,055 But no, no, that was funny, that was funny 303 00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:09,640 taking away my dignity like that. 304 00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:10,641 Ha, ha, ha. 305 00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:12,226 I would like to say grace. 306 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,019 (clears throat) 307 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,230 Lord, have mercy on my soul 308 00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:17,731 and Mom's soul 309 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,567 and Dad's soul 310 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,068 and Maggie's soul 311 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:23,988 and that every soul in Christendom-- Uh! 312 00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:25,197 Bart! 313 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,490 I can't take this anymore. 314 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,534 I want my soul, and I want it now. 315 00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:31,829 Bart, you didn't finish your spaghetti and Moe Balls. 316 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,163 HOMER'S BRAIN: Silence, you fool. 317 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,290 It can be ours. 318 00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:36,625 Run, boy! 319 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,085 Run. 320 00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:42,172 (chewing) Run for your life... boy. 321 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,262 Milhouse! Milhouse. You win! 322 00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:49,680 I want this nightmare to end! 323 00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:52,057 (creaking) 324 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,434 (deep breathing) 325 00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,104 (sinister voice) Leave this place. 326 00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:59,732 You are in great danger. 327 00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:01,775 Where's Milhouse? 328 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,570 The one you call Milhouse is gone. 329 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,657 (normal voice) He went to his grandma's place 330 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,825 while we're spraying for potato bugs. 331 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,621 Oh. When Milhouse left 332 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,706 did you notice if he was carrying a piece of paper? 333 00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:18,042 Oh, yeah. You don't forget a thing like that. 334 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,003 (alarm sounding) 335 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,004 Oh, God. 336 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,382 Here you go! 337 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,551 Here I am, Uncle Moe! Thank you, ma'am. 338 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,845 This will be a treat. Uncle Moe! Here I am! 339 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,263 -While you eat! -Yay! 340 00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:32,765 Now do it for Terri. 341 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:34,099 What? It's your birthday too? 342 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,809 BOTH: We're twins. 343 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:36,894 (sighs) 344 00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,312 Here you go. Here I am. 345 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,064 Eat your fries. Eat them. 346 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:41,732 Here's you. 347 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:45,069 Ah, geez. And you got the stink lines and everything. 348 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,574 Oh, dude, you did not smile. 349 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:51,992 We eat for free. 350 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,661 Come on, Shoshanna, let's roll. 351 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:54,995 (chuckles) 352 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,580 But I sang you the potato stuffings. 353 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,375 Come on, I sang you the potato stuffings! 354 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,293 Look at the vein on that guy's forehead. 355 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,544 He's gonna blow. 356 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,130 (alarm sounding) 357 00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,049 Unky Moe? 358 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:09,551 What... is it, sweetheart? 359 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:10,970 My "sodie" is too cold. 360 00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,471 My "teef" hurt. 361 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,848 Your "teef" hurt, huh? Your "teef" hurt? 362 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,058 Well, that's too freaking bad! 363 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,393 Ya hear me? I'll tell you 364 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,269 where you can put your freaking "sodie" too! 365 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,730 (all gasping) 366 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,358 -Ow! My freaking ears! -(gasps) 367 00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:25,943 Oh, let's go, dear. 368 00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,403 I expect that type of language at Denny's 369 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,362 but not here. 370 00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,156 Come on, folks, wait! 371 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,408 Please, come back! 372 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,951 Please, I got a new offer. 373 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,786 Whenever Uncle Moe threatens you 374 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:37,746 you get a free steak... fish. 375 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,747 (sighs) 376 00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,168 Okay. Okay. 377 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,713 Milhouse's grandmother lives on 257th Street 378 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:47,464 and I'm on Third. 379 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:48,590 (groans) 380 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,633 (horn blaring) 381 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,639 (pop!) 382 00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,641 Well finally, a little luck. 383 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:58,600 (squeaking) 384 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,479 (evil laugh) 385 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:06,358 (crashing) 386 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:16,285 (yelling gibberish) 387 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,911 Son, you wait here while Daddy tries 388 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,955 to talk some sense into this raving derelict. 389 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:25,002 (gibberish) 390 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,128 Now slow down, slow down. 391 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,258 Who's been stealing your thoughts? 392 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,683 -Hello, Ralph. -(gasps) 393 00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,769 Um, hi, Bart. 394 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,562 I know you from school. 395 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:44,897 Yes. 396 00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:47,024 A simple proposition, Ralph: 397 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,650 how would you like to make a dollar? 398 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,487 Uh... I don't know. 399 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:52,738 All you have to do is sign a paper 400 00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:54,990 that says I can have your soul. 401 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,283 I need a soul, Ralph. 402 00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:57,701 Any soul. 403 00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:58,702 Yours. 404 00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,621 (whimpers) 405 00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:01,955 (crying) 406 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,707 Hey, what's going on over there? 407 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:04,958 (hissing) 408 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:07,961 (pounding on wood) 409 00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:12,049 Go on, take it all. Get it all out of here. 410 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,133 You know, Moe, you might want 411 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,094 to keep the fire extinguishers. 412 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,720 Nah. Too many bad memories. 413 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,430 Well, look on the bright side, Moe. 414 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:20,265 You still got us. 415 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:23,393 Yeah. You know, that actually makes me feel a little better. 416 00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:24,895 HOMER: Why? 417 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,522 That was the problem in the first place. 418 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:27,898 You were going broke 419 00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:29,566 because we were your only customers. 420 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,777 Wasn't that the problem in the first place? 421 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,904 That you were going broke? 422 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,739 Moe? Moe? 423 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,241 Hey, Moe? 424 00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:38,992 Oh, you're thinking about all the money 425 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,285 you blew, aren't you? 426 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:43,747 What was it, $50,000, $60,000? 427 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,332 Moe? Look, 428 00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:46,917 maybe it would help if you went over 429 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,585 all the mistakes you made from the beginning. 430 00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:49,628 -Moe? -What?! 431 00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:50,629 Let me get a pad. 432 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,092 (snoring) 433 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,593 (knocking on door) 434 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,595 A caller at this hour? 435 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:00,347 You dial 9-1, 436 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,767 then when I say so, dial 1 again. 437 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,352 (panting) 438 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:06,478 Milhouse, please. 439 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:08,522 Bart, I can't play now. 440 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:10,190 It's 2:00 A.M. 441 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,234 Milhouse, I got to have my soul back. 442 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:13,694 I'll do anything you want. 443 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:15,904 Uh... well... 444 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,406 Milhouse, give him back his soul. 445 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,532 I've got work tomorrow. 446 00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:20,117 I'm really sorry. 447 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,869 I kinda traded your soul to the guy 448 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,453 at the comic book store. 449 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,789 But look, I got some cool Pogs. 450 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,499 Alf Pogs. 451 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,959 Remember Alf? 452 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:31,128 He's back, in Pog form. 453 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,422 You traded my soul for Pogs?! 454 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,757 No-o-o-o! 455 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,426 GRANDMOTHER: Close that door. 456 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:38,719 You're letting the heat out. 457 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,637 FATHER: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 458 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,687 If you're waiting for the "Hi & Lois" signing 459 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:50,647 it has been moved to the Springfield Coliseum. 460 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,399 Please, you have something of mine 461 00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:53,692 on a little piece of paper. 462 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,653 Oh. So you're Bart Simpson, eh? 463 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,322 Well, since my breakfast burrito 464 00:19:58,405 --> 00:19:59,656 is congealing rapidly, 465 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:00,657 I will be blunt. 466 00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:01,658 You're too late. 467 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,327 I sold your soul last night. 468 00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:07,748 Yes, yes, I found a buyer right away for that item. 469 00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:09,041 Who? 470 00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,834 I'm not at liberty to divulge the party 471 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,669 but they were most interested in having possession 472 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:13,795 of a little boy's soul. 473 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:17,174 Excuse me. 474 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,426 No banging your head on the display case, please. 475 00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,637 It contains a very rare "Mary Worth" 476 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:22,721 in which she has advised a friend 477 00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,556 to commit suicide. Thank you. 478 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,360 Are you there, God? 479 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:39,863 It's me, Bart Simpson. 480 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:42,074 I know I never paid too much attention in church 481 00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:46,036 but I could really use some of that good stuff now. 482 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,621 I'm afraid. 483 00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:49,706 I'm afraid some weirdo's got my soul 484 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:52,417 and I don't know what they're doing to it. 485 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:53,919 I just want it back. 486 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,422 Please. 487 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,049 (sobbing) 488 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,050 (whimpers) 489 00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:02,594 I hope you can hear this. 490 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,769 Lisa? You bought this? 491 00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:12,562 With the change in my piggy bank. 492 00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,481 There's no change in your piggy bank. 493 00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:15,899 Not in any of the ones you know about. 494 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:18,777 Oh, Lis, thank you. 495 00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,320 Happy to do it. 496 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,364 But you know Bart, some philosophers 497 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,825 believe that nobody is born with a soul, 498 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:25,867 that you have to earn one 499 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:26,910 through suffering 500 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,453 and thought and prayer 501 00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,247 like you did last night. 502 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:31,498 Uh-huh. 503 00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:32,708 (gulping) 504 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,593 Ha! It's like punting on the Thames. Stroke. Stroke. 505 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,389 Oh! 506 00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,433 (laughing) 507 00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,194 ♪♪ 508 00:22:39,816 --> 00:22:40,776 Shh! 509 00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:46,990 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.