♪ The Simpsons ♪
(bell ringing)
D'oh!
-Ahh! -(tires screech)
-GRANDPA: Are we there yet? -HOMER: No.
-Are we there yet? -No.
Where are we going?
We're going to Storytown Village, Grandpa.
It's an amusement park for babies.
Oh, just leave me in the car with the window open a crack.
That's the plan.
I think it's nice we're doing something
Maggie will enjoy for once.
Besides, I'm sure Storytown Village
is also fun for everyone--
From eight to... God only knows.
(all groaning)
(knocking)
Come out, come out, or I'll blow your house in.
ALL: Not by the hairs of our chinny chin chin.
What a load of crappy crap crap.
Quiet, boy.
I have a feeling some bad stuff
is about to go down.
This is where the wolf blows down the pigs' house.
He blows all right. He blows big time.
That's it, honey. Get into the spirit.
(inhaling)
(soft puff)
Aw, it was good, but not great.
Somebody's been sleeping in my bed.
(distorted) Somebody's been sleeping in my bed.
Somebody's been sleeping in my bed.
Well, I'm sorry.
But it was 150 degrees in the car.
♪ La, la, la, la, la La la la ♪
So long, suck-- Aah!
(cheering)
Come on. Eat the can.
Come on.
You're supposed to feed them pellets
from the machine over there.
Oh, my.
ALL: Aw...
HOMER: Out of the way, you.
Aw...
Oh, you are so cute.
Yes, you are, you are.
I just love you.
(chuckling)
See? It was a good idea to come here after all.
WOMAN (on PA): Attention, families.
This is Mother Goose.
The following cars have been broken into...
♪♪ (fiddle)
Hm?
FLANDERS: Allemande left and do-si-diddley-diddley-do
swing your partner to-and-froodilly-fro.
MAN: All rightly, dittly!
Hey, Flanders.
ALL: Hidilly how, neighbor-eeno!
-Shut up. -ALL: Okaly dokaly.
So, Ned, you're having a family reunion
and you didn't invite me?
Oh, gosh, Homer, this is strictly a Flanders affair.
I got family here from around the globe.
Here's Jose Flanders.
Buenos ding-dong-diddly-dias, señor.
And this is Lord Thistlewick Flanders.
Charmed.
Uh... A-googily-doogily.
(chuckles)
I can't believe you didn't invite me
after I painted those cool stripes
all over your car.
I know! I'll throw my own barbecue.
The greatest barbecue this town has ever seen
and I'll only invite who I want.
That'll show you.
-Can I come? -Sure... D'oh!
This barbecue will be hard, thankless work
but I'm sure you're up to it, Marge.
Well, it could be a good chance to get to know our neighbors
outside of a courtroom setting.
You know what you should serve, Marge?
More of these lamb chops.
These are the best ever.
Why, thank you, Homie.
You might say the extra ingredient is salt.
(loud chomping)
(sucking)
(bleating) Ple-e-ease, Lisa,
I thought you lo-o-oved me, lo-o-oved me.
What's wrong, Lisa?
Didn't you get enough lamb chops?
I can't eat this.
I can't eat a poor little lamb.
Lisa, get a hold of yourself.
This is "lamb", Not "a lamb".
What's the difference between this lamb
and the one that kissed me?
This one spent two hours in the broiler.
Bart, sensible bites!
All right, Lisa, if you don't want lamb chops,
there's lots of other things I can make:
chicken breast,
rump roast,
hot dogs?
No, I can't!
I can't eat any of them!
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Lisa, honey, are you saying
you're never going to eat any animal again?
-What about bacon? -No.
-Ham? -No.
Pork chops?
Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Yeah, right, Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal.
(chuckling)
I think Lisa's right, Dad. Eating meat is bah-ah-ad.
Hey, that's my chop.
(both growling)
My family just doesn't understand
my newfound vegetarianism.
Compared to them
the public schools are a haven of enlightenment.
Okay, class. Time to dissect our worms.
ALL: Yay!
First, pin them down
so they don't fly up and hit you in the eye.
(muffled) Um, Miss Hoover?
Yes, Ralph, what is it?
My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it.
Can I have a new one?
No, Ralph. There aren't any more.
Just try to sleep while the other children are learning.
Oh, boy, sleep.
That's where I'm a viking.
LAMB'S VOICE: Lisa,
what did I ever do to y-y-you?
Why does it talk like a lamb?
(whimpering)
Uh, Miss Hoover, I don't think I can dissect an animal.
I think it's wrong.
Okay, Lisa. I respect your moral objection.
Um, excuse me.
Isn't there anything here that doesn't have meat in it?
Possibly the meat loaf.
Well, I believe you're required to provide
a vegetarian alternative.
Yum. It's rich in bunnly goodness.
Do you remember when you lost your passion for this work?
(buzzing)
Uh-oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day.
The students are overstimulated.
Willie, remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
I warned you! Didn't I warn you?
That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself.
♪ The Itchy & Scratchy show ♪
Hee hee hee.
(laughing)
I never realized before,
but some "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoons
send the message that violence against animals is funny.
Say what?
Cartoons don't have messages, Lisa.
They're just a bunch of hilarious stuff
you know, like people getting hurt and stuff--
Stuff like that. Oh!
Look, kids.
I just got my party invitations back from the printer's.
(reading)
-What's that extra "B" For? -That's a typo.
Dad, can't you have some other kind of party--
one where you don't serve meat?
But all normal people love meat.
If I went to a barbecue and there was no meat
I would say, "Yo, goober, where's the meat?"
I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa.
You don't win friends with salad.
(conga beat) ♪ You don't win friends with salad ♪
♪ You don't win friends with salad ♪
Mom!
I didn't mean to take sides.
I just got caught up in the rhythm.
Good morning, class.
A certain agitator--
for privacy's sake, let's call her Lisa S.
No, that's too obvious.
Let's say L. Simpson--
has raised questions
about certain school policies.
So in the interest of creating an open dialogue,
sit silently and watch this film.
Nothing beats a stroll in cattle country.
Hi. I'm Troy McClure.
You may remember me from such educational films as
"Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun!"
And "Firecrackers: The Silent Killer."
BOY: Mr. McClure?
-Oh, Hello, Bobby. -Jimmy.
I'm curious as to how meat
gets from the ranch to my stomach.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, Jimmy.
You just asked a mouthful.
It all starts here in the high-density feed lot.
Then when the cattle are just right...
Mmm...
It's time for them to graduate
from Bovine University.
(buzzer)
Come on, Jimmy.
Let's take a peek at the killing floor.
(gasps)
Don't let the name throw you, Jimmy.
It's not really a floor.
It's more of a steel grating that allows material
to sluice through so it can be collected and exported.
(cows screaming)
Getting hungry, Jimmy?
Uh, Mr. McClure, I have a crazy friend
who says it's wrong to eat meat.
Is he crazy?
No, just ignorant.
You see, your crazy friend
never heard of the "food chain".
Just ask this scientician.
Um...
He'll tell you that in nature
one creature invariably eats another to survive.
(roaring)
(eagle screeches, sheep bleats)
(growls)
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy.
If a cow ever got the chance
he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
Wow, Mr. McClure, I was a grade-A moron
to ever question eating meat.
Yes, you were, Jimmy.
Yes, you were.
Ow. You're hurting me.
(mooing)
They can't seriously expect us to swallow that tripe.
Now, as a special treat courtesy of our friends at the Meat Council,
please help yourselves to this tripe.
(cheering)
Stop it! Stop it!
Don't you realize you've just been brainwashed
by corporate propaganda?
Apparently my crazy friend here hasn't heard of the food chain.
Yeah, Lisa's a grade-A moron.
When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University.
Hi, Homer.
Thanks for inviting me to your barbecue.
Wow, Barney, you brought a whole beer keg.
Yeah, where can I fill it up?
Wait, Dad.
Good news, everyone. You don't have to eat meat.
I made enough gazpacho for all.
(all murmuring)
What is that anyway?
It's tomato soup served ice cold.
(laughing)
BARNEY: Go back to Russia.
Ah, diagnosis: Delicious.
I've got the prescription for you, doctor.
Another hot beef injection.
(laughing)
Hey, Homer, wing me another one of them, uh...
burgers, would you?
Can't quite seem to... stand up under my own power anymore.
One whopper for the copper.
Can I have a burger, Dad?
Here you go!
It's bad enough they're all eating meat.
They don't have to rub it in my face.
Ah!
Okay, everybody,
it's the moment you've all been waiting for...
the pig de resistance.
ALL: Ooh!
Ah!
(laughing)
Look at his nose.
Congratulations, Homer.
Your Q's a huge success.
A toast to the host who can boast the most roast.
(chuckles) Thanks, Flanders.
I have to agree that everything certainly--
Huh?
(gasping)
Bart, no!
What?
Sorry. Force of habit.
Lisa, no!
Ah! Oh!
(groaning)
It's just a little dirty.
It's still good. It's still good.
(honking)
It's just a little slimy.
It's still good. It's still good.
It's just a little airborne.
It's still good. It's still good.
-It's gone. -I know.
You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate
a million dollars to the local orphanage...
when pigs fly.
(both laughing)
That's a good one.
Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
No, I'd still prefer not.
Give it up, Dad-- Piggy ain't coming back.
Lisa, you ruined my barbecue.
I demand you apologize this second.
I'm never ever apologizing
because I was standing up for a just cause
and you were wrong, wrong, wrong!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my room.
That's it! Go to your room!
Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa,
would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Bart, tell Dad I'll only pass the syrup
if it won't be used on any meat product.
You dunking your sausages in that syrup, homeboy?
Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink
a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Tell him yourself.
You're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Homer, you're not not talking to me
and secondly, I heard what you said.
Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Bart, go to your room.
Why don't you just eat him, Dad?
I don't need any serving suggestions from you
you barbecue-wrecking, know-nothing know-it-all.
That's it!
I can't live in a house
with this prehistoric carnivore!
I am out of here!
That's it! Go to your room!
Look, it's Mrs. Potato head.
She has a head made out of lettuce.
(both laughing)
I can't believe I used to go out with you.
Are you gonna marry a carrot, Lisa?
Yes, I'm gonna marry a carrot.
She admitted it.
She admitted she's gonna marry a carrot.
I can't believe it.
...your windows.
Mmm! The next--
The whole world wants me to eat meat.
I can't fight it anymore.
(gasping)
(gulps)
There! Is everybody happy now?!
I take it from you're yelling that you like my tofu dogs.
-Tofu? -Oh, yes.
No meat whatsoever,
and only thrice the fat of a normal hot dog.
I made the switch and nobody noticed.
But why, Apu?
Because I'm a vegetarian.
Haven't you ever seen my T-shirt?
That's cute.
Here, let me show you something, Lisa.
Wow. A secret staircase.
But what do you do if somebody wants a non-alcoholic beer?
You know, it's never come up.
LISA: Oh, Apu, it's beautiful.
Yes, this is where I come
when I need some refuge from the modern world
or when I want to see drive-in movies for free.
I know it is not easy to be a vegetarian, Lisa.
That's why I ran away from home.
What? She's leaving home?
Wow. Paul McCartney.
I read about you in history class
but where's your wife, Linda?
Right here, Lisa.
Whenever we're in Springfield,
we like to hang out in Apu's garden in the shade.
We met him in India years ago,
during the Maharishi days.
Back then, I was known as the fifth Beatle.
Sure you were, Apu.
You know what, Lisa?
Paul and Linda are vegetarians too.
In fact, Linda has her own line of vegetarian entrees.
Apu, I'm sure the last thing they want to talk about is--
We weren't satisfied with the other
vegetarian meals on the market.
You'd be surprised how often
you'd find a big hunk of pork in them.
Ew.
Linda and I both feel strongly
about animal rights.
In fact, if you play "Maybe I'm Amazed" backwards,
you'll hear a recipe
for a really ripping lentil soup.
When will all those fools learn
that you can be perfectly healthy
simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains, and cheese?
Ooh! Cheese.
You don't eat cheese, Apu?
No, I don't eat any food that comes from an animal.
Oh, then you must think I'm a monster.
Yes, indeed, I do think that.
But I learned long ago, Lisa,
to tolerate others
rather than forcing my beliefs on them.
You know, you can influence people
without badgering them always.
It's like Paul's song, "Live and Let Live."
Actually, it was "Live and Let Die."
Whatever, whatever, it had a good rhythm.
I guess I have been pretty hard on a lot of people,
especially my dad.
Thanks, you guys.
Lisa, before you go,
would you like to hear a song?
Wow! That'd be great!
Okay. Take it, Apu.
♪ I'm Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club, man ♪
♪ I hope I will enjoy my show... ♪
Lisa!
Lisa! Come back before everyone finds out
what a horrible father I am.
Hi, Dad. Looking for me?
I don't know. Are you looking for me?
I don't know.
Oh, Lisa... I was looking for you.
I wanted to apologize.
I don't know exactly what went wrong
but I know it's always my fault.
Actually, Dad, this time, I was wrong...
(gasps)
-Too. -Oh.
While I was gone, I got some really good advice
from Paul and Linda McCartney.
Rock stars-- Is there anything they don't know?
I still stand by my beliefs
but I can't defend what I did.
I'm sorry I messed up your barbecue.
I understand, honey.
I used to believe in things when I was a kid.
Come on, I'll give you a piggyback ride--
Whoops, I mean a veggie-back ride home.
Come on.
(both giggling)
♪ Baby, I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time ♪
♪ And maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you ♪
♪ Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time ♪
♪ You hung me on the line ♪
♪ Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you ♪
(McCartney speaking backwards)
♪ Baby, I'm a man, maybe, I'm a lonely man ♪
♪ Who's in the middle of something ♪
(McCartney speaking backwards)
♪ That he doesn't really understand ♪
(McCartney speaking backwards)
♪ Baby, I'm a man, and maybe ♪
♪ You're the only woman who could ever help me ♪
♪ Baby, won't you help me to understand? ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
(McCartney speaking backwards)
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.