1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,381 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:07,590 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,510 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:13,054 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,697 {\an8}Ai! Que agonia! 6 00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:33,074 {\an8}(laughing) 7 00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:36,494 {\an8}Oh, he wants that corn so much. 8 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:41,708 {\an8}Ai! Dios no me ama. 9 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:44,836 {\an8}So good. 10 00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:47,797 {\an8}Huh? I want to see what's on the other broadcasts. 11 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,883 {\an8}Where's the oscillator on this thing? 12 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,843 {\an8}-No, Grampa, don't! -No, Grampa, don't! 13 00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:53,762 {\an8}-Dad, sit down! -Gosh darn it! 14 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,555 {\an8}What does this do? 15 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,683 {\an8}I'll make my adjustments here and... 16 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:00,226 {\an8}(glass shattering) 17 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:05,732 {\an8}(tires screeching) 18 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:09,110 {\an8}(together) Yay! We're getting a new TV! 19 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:10,737 {\an8}Let's go to The Sharper Image. 20 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,031 {\an8}They've got a TV shaped like a '50s diner. 21 00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:15,283 {\an8}No, let's go to The Nature Company. 22 00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:17,869 {\an8}They've got a TV assembled by Hopi Indians. 23 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:21,414 {\an8}We can't afford to shop at any store that has a philosophy. 24 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,041 {\an8}We just need a TV. 25 00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:26,002 {\an8}We're going to go to the outlet mall in Ogdenville. 26 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,796 {\an8}(moaning) 27 00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:49,025 (gasps) Look at these low, low prices 28 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,693 on famous brand-name electronics. 29 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:53,446 Don't be a sap, Dad. These are just crappy knock-offs. 30 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,658 (scoffs) I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see it. 31 00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:59,536 And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny. 32 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,287 Listen, I'm not going to lie to you. 33 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,039 Those are all superior machines, 34 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,083 but if you like to watch your TV-- 35 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,418 and I mean, really watch it-- 36 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,045 {\an8}you want the Carnivale. 37 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,131 It features two-pronged wall plug, 38 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,882 pre-molded hand-grip well, 39 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,301 durable outer casing to prevent fall-apart... 40 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,972 Sold. You wrap it up, I'll start bringing in the pennies. 41 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:25,478 Honey, I don't think these clothes are us. 42 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:26,855 Who are they? 43 00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:28,189 Hey, Brandine 44 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,108 you can wear this shirt to work. 45 00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:33,194 Oh, Cletus, you know I got to wear the shirt what Dairy Queen give me. 46 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:38,658 Hey, Mom, there's something in here. 47 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,493 Ooh. 48 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,745 Oh, it's beautiful. 49 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,706 Can it be a real Chanel? 50 00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:46,666 (gasps) It is! 51 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:49,627 90 dollars? 52 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:50,795 (groans) 53 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,131 But it's marked down from 2,800. 54 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,017 Oh, you look so sophisticated. 55 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,977 Just like Mary Hart. 56 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,937 It fits like a dream too. 57 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,606 But we can't afford $90 58 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,482 even if it is a bargain. 59 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,485 It wouldn't be right to buy something just for me. 60 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:18,114 If it were a suit we could all wear, maybe, then... 61 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,408 Come on Mom, you never treat yourself to anything. 62 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,160 Oh, sure, I do. 63 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,162 I treated myself to a Sanka not three days ago. 64 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,790 But this is a real find. 65 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,083 Just buy it. 66 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,919 You don't have to rationalize everything. 67 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,046 (groans) 68 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:35,423 All right, I will buy it. 69 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,300 It will be good for the economy. 70 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,762 (easy listening music plays) 71 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:43,640 (whistles) 72 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,516 You look great. 73 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,435 Really? You like it? 74 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:50,271 Oh, I'd love to wear this someplace special. 75 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:53,566 Spurlock's Cafeteria, it is. 76 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,944 Mmm. What about the symphony or the theater? 77 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,195 Oh, gah, geez. 78 00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:58,780 What's the point of going out? 79 00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:01,115 We're just going to wind up back here, anyway. 80 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,951 (groans) 81 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:06,454 (singing in Italian) 82 00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,039 (vacuum starts) 83 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,966 Oh, Mrs. Simpson, you are looking very prosperous today. 84 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,385 Might I interest you in some of our impulse items 85 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:21,761 here by the cash register? 86 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,681 Perhaps a crazy motorized wiggle pen? 87 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,183 (laughing) Look at... the craziness. 88 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,186 Attendant, I'd like some gas. 89 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,147 Yes, I'm sorry, I do not speak English okay. 90 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:34,649 But you were just talking to... 91 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:37,568 Yes, hot dog, hot dog, yes, sir, no sir, maybe, okay. 92 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,195 Well, I can't pump it myself. 93 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,697 I'm calling triple "A." 94 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,657 I used to be a little overwhelmed too 95 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,200 but it's not that hard. 96 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,493 I can show you. 97 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,537 Marge? Is that you? 98 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,664 Marge Bouvier, from high school? 99 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:51,666 Um... yeah. 100 00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:53,584 Hi. Hi, Evelyn. 101 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,211 How about that. 102 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,005 Marge, you look wonderful. 103 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,841 And to think I heard you married Homer Simpson. 104 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:00,842 I did marry Homer. 105 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,846 Come, you must show me the pumps. 106 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,682 90% of the time, if the gas isn't pumping, 107 00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:09,225 this is your problem. 108 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,228 Automotive skills and fashion sense. 109 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,855 Well, you've come a long way 110 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,815 from the girl I knew nothing about in high school. 111 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,650 We ran with different crowds. 112 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,444 You had your debutante balls 113 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,237 and skinny-dipping, 114 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,281 and I had my... 115 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:25,533 home shoe repair course. 116 00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:27,618 Oh, Marge, you haven't changed a bit 117 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,412 as far as I know. 118 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,581 Say, why don't you drop by the country club tomorrow? 119 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,583 Oh, and bring the family. 120 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,755 (antique horn honking) 121 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,758 You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate 122 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,093 and re-vulcanize my tires, post haste. 123 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,140 Bart, comb your hair. 124 00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:52,310 Homer, I don't think you should wear a short-sleeved shirt 125 00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:53,519 with a tie. 126 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,104 Oh, but Sipowicz does it. 127 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,106 If Detective Sipowicz jumped off a cliff, 128 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,274 would you do that too? 129 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,026 Aw, I wish I was Sipowicz. 130 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,694 Do I have to go? 131 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,988 That country club is a hotbed of exclusionist snobs 132 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,948 and status-seeking social-climbers. 133 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:09,118 I've told you, I don't like you using the word "hotbed." 134 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,663 Please, Lisa, we so rarely get to do things like this. 135 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,541 And everybody, everybody please, be on your best behavior. 136 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,293 Bart, no grifting. 137 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,004 Ah, raspberries. 138 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,009 Name, please? 139 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,928 Simpson family. 140 00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:28,137 We're not poor. 141 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,766 Well, we're not. 142 00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:33,518 Go on in. They're expecting you at the clubhouse. 143 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,606 (all gasping) 144 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,691 Wow. Living large. 145 00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,026 Oh, my. 146 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,112 I've always dreamed of coming here. 147 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:45,571 Everybody, keep smiling 148 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,740 and I know we're going to fit right in. 149 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,286 (screams) 150 00:06:57,708 --> 00:06:59,419 EVELYN: Oh, Marge. You made it. 151 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,796 And you wore that lovely suit. 152 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,842 Kar-rin, Gill-ian, Elyza-beth 153 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,761 Pa-tree-sia, Rowber-tah, Seuss-in 154 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,430 Meet Marge. 155 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,348 -Hello. -How you doing? 156 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,059 Pleased to meet you. 157 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:18,813 You look like such a happy bunch... of people. 158 00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:21,357 That's the trouble with first impressions. 159 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,151 You only get to make one. 160 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,819 (ladies giggling) 161 00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:26,237 Oh. 162 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,824 That reminds me of a funny apron I saw. 163 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,451 You know Marge, your family 164 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:32,785 doesn't have to stand in the alcove. 165 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,871 They're free to enjoy the club. 166 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,622 (sighing) 167 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:39,500 Ugh, come on kids, let's go sit in the car 168 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,294 till your Mom's done fitting in. 169 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,339 Elyza-beth is right. 170 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,675 Why shout yourself hoarse at incompetent sales clerks 171 00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:50,887 when you can get nearly everything mail order? 172 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,180 Um hum, I won't eat anything 173 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,473 unless it's shipped overnight 174 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,349 from Vermont or Washington state. 175 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,935 We order our steaks through the "New Yorker." 176 00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,770 I have a sneaking suspicion that 177 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,648 L.L. Bean and Eddie Bauer are selling me the same honey. 178 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:03,774 (ladies tittering) 179 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,860 I get food through the mail, 180 00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,612 but in a different way. 181 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:09,197 Every month, "Good Housekeeping" 182 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,699 arrives in my mailbox, bursting with recipes. 183 00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,868 Sometimes, the most satisfying meal 184 00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,661 is the one you cook yourself. 185 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:16,996 Hmm. 186 00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,873 That's very true, Marge. 187 00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:21,000 One night, Wif and I came home late, 188 00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,793 and we decided not to wake Iris 189 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:25,671 and instead, we microwaved our own soup. 190 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,257 (women chattering) 191 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,343 Of course, it was a horrible mess, 192 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,428 but Iris didn't mind cleaning it up. 193 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,846 (ladies tittering) 194 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,097 Why can't my Thurston be more like Wif? 195 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,724 That Iris is a gem. 196 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:41,395 MARGE: Didn't everybody have a wonderful time? 197 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,272 I thought it was so opulent 198 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,234 like the Playboy mansion, but nonsexual. 199 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,527 That place is weird. 200 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:48,945 A man in the bathroom 201 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:51,447 kept handing me towels till I paid him to stop. 202 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,949 Should have held out longer, boy. 203 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,034 The rich are different from you and me. 204 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,202 Yes, they're better. 205 00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:00,331 Socially better, and if we fit in 206 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,124 we can be better too. 207 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,085 So today, while the rest of you were out being different, 208 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:06,546 I did a very good job of fitting in-- 209 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,673 so good that Evelyn gave us a guest pass. 210 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,341 They might even ask us to join. 211 00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,426 Boy, Marge! 212 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:15,346 You must have really done a number on those rich suckers. 213 00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:16,556 Don't thank me. 214 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,516 Thank my beautiful new suit. 215 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,356 Oh, Fritz, you idiot. 216 00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:27,567 I didn't order a bologna sandwich. 217 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,443 I ordered an abalone sandwich. 218 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,488 I don't know what Mom's thinking. 219 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,574 This whole country club scene is so decadent. 220 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:38,160 All these... spoiled... brats... and... their... smug 221 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,996 complacent parents. 222 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,999 It just reinforces the unspoken class... system... 223 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,334 of horses... sitting... on... their... high... horses. 224 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,086 I'm sorry. I got to go! 225 00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,096 Oh. We've got a winning hand. 226 00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:58,806 We can take the rest of the tricks. 227 00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:00,474 Oh, you better be careful. 228 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,268 The purpose of this game is to make friends. 229 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,853 You don't make friends by winning. 230 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,896 Still, there's nothing more popular 231 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,315 than a gracious winner. 232 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,358 Don't ask me. I'm just hair. 233 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,111 Your head stopped 18 inches ago. 234 00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:13,070 Hmm... 235 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,530 Queen of hearts. 236 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,907 I believe all the rest are ours. 237 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,451 Oh, well played. 238 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:20,036 We could have stopped them 239 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,038 if you had changed to a different suit. 240 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:23,914 I thought, perhaps, changing suits 241 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,541 had gone out of fashion. 242 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,917 Eh, Marge? 243 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,377 (women tittering) 244 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,378 (Marge grumbles) 245 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,632 D'oh! 246 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:36,510 (moaning) 247 00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:39,930 Mmm. 248 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,641 (chuckling) 249 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:42,975 You know, Homer, 250 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,560 the traditional way to cheat in golf 251 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,062 is to lower your score. 252 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,396 That's one way. 253 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,523 I'm P.G.A. Tour Pro Tom Kite. 254 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:52,276 How about I give you a few pointers on your game? 255 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,570 Now, you don't want to overthink. 256 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,780 Not an issue. 257 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:56,781 Keep your head down. 258 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,157 Huh? 259 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,576 Pretend there's no one else here. 260 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,952 (belches) 261 00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:03,829 And just go at your own pace. 262 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,876 Wow, very impressive. 263 00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:10,461 You're a natural, Mr. Simpson. 264 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:12,004 Really? 265 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,507 Uh-huh. All you need is your own set of clubs 266 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:17,051 and stay the hell out of my locker. 267 00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:18,386 You can keep the shoes. 268 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,432 Marge, did you know that 269 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,434 Kennedy and Lincoln had the same handicap? 270 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,645 Homer, please, I have to alter this suit 271 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:29,480 so it looks different for tomorrow. 272 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:30,898 (yawning) 273 00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,483 Just slap some bumper stickers on it 274 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,735 and come to bed, will you, Marge? 275 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,072 (snoring) 276 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,120 Love your outfit, Marge. 277 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,913 The vest says, "let's have lunch" 278 00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,665 but the culottes say, "you're paying." 279 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:50,334 Why, thank you, Rowber-ta. 280 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:51,711 LISA: Mom, look! 281 00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:54,755 I found something more fun than complaining. 282 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,676 Marge, your family 283 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,053 is fitting in perfectly here. 284 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,013 If all goes well at Saturday's ball, 285 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,558 I'd love to sponsor you for membership. 286 00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:08,936 Oh, that would be a dream come true. 287 00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,813 I'll be there with bells on. 288 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,231 Bells? 289 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,066 Where exactly will you be attaching them 290 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,693 to that mangled Chanel suit? 291 00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:18,028 (ladies laughing) 292 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,530 Oh, don't worry, Marge. 293 00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:21,073 Her idea of wit is nothing more 294 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,701 than an incisive observation humorously phrased 295 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,327 and delivered with impeccable timing. 296 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,121 I'm sure you'll be a smash at the ball, 297 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:30,082 and I just know you'll have a lovely new outfit. 298 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,086 (repeated toilet splashes) 299 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,676 Hey, that's some mighty fine chipping, Homer. 300 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,720 Yeah, can you bank it into the handicapped stall? 301 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:44,430 Seat-- down. 302 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,099 (air dryer blowing) 303 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:50,102 (ball splashes) 304 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:53,063 Hmm. Who is that lavatory linksman, Smithers? 305 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,565 Homer Simpson, sir-- 306 00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,734 One of the fork and spoon operators from Sector 7G. 307 00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,986 Well, he's certainly got a loose waggle. 308 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:01,322 Perhaps I've finally found a golfer 309 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:03,866 worthy of a match with Monty Burns, eh? 310 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,618 Oh, his waggle is no match for yours, sir. 311 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,411 I've never seen you lose a game 312 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,747 except for that one in '74, when you let Richard Nixon win. 313 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,499 That was very kind of you, sir. 314 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:14,126 Oh, he just looked so forlorn, Smithers 315 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,587 with his, "Oh, I can't go to prison, Monty. 316 00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,297 They'll eat me alive." 317 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,425 Say, I wonder if this Homer Nixon 318 00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:22,551 is any relation. 319 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,136 Unlikely, sir. They... 320 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,971 They spell and pronounce their name differently. 321 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:28,933 Bah. Schedule a game and I'll ask him myself. 322 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,937 Oh, this game could mean big things for me, Marge. 323 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:36,816 If I beat Mr. Burns.. I mean really wallop him bad, 324 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,276 I'm sure to get that big raise I've been gunning for. 325 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,028 Alright, alright, but if you win, don't make a scene 326 00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:43,948 and dance around with your "whoo-hoos," please. 327 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,950 We can't afford a single slip-up. 328 00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,034 They're judging us. 329 00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:48,953 Mwah! 330 00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:50,538 Mwah! 331 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,123 Mom, did you like horses when you were my age? 'Cause I-- 332 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,250 I don't know. 333 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:55,918 Lisa, tonight is very important. 334 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:59,213 Mommy has to alter her suit so it looks a totally new one. 335 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:01,507 Mom, do you want to know the 15 reasons I like horses better than cars? 336 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:02,800 One, a horse never has to-- 337 00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,051 I really need to concentrate on this, Lisa. 338 00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:05,386 Would you mind just..? 339 00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:07,680 You know how a horse goes like this? 340 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:08,931 Mom! Like this! 341 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,724 I've already altered this so many times, 342 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,143 -it's not even possible-- -Whinny! Mom! Mom! Mom! 343 00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,228 Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! 344 00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:16,272 Lisa, please! 345 00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:23,904 Hmm. 346 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:26,657 (gasps) 347 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:27,825 No. 348 00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:30,411 No, no, no, no! 349 00:14:30,494 --> 00:14:32,204 (cloth rips) 350 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,873 (groaning) 351 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:38,586 At times like this, I guess all you can do is laugh. 352 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,680 I need a formal dress for tonight. 353 00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,640 You've come to the right place. 354 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,059 We've got classy duds up the ying-yang. 355 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,478 I call this one "fantasy in maroon." 356 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,063 It's got some cigarette burns 357 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,274 but we can patch them up with Nu-Vinyl. 358 00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:03,319 It's a bit peppery for me. 359 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:06,155 Why don't we put this in the "maybe" pile? 360 00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:09,533 This was originally a Halloween costume, 361 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:12,202 but it found its way into my regular rotation. 362 00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:13,662 Uh-huh. 363 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,665 Good morning, Mr. Burns. 364 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,667 Beautiful day to be outside, isn't it? 365 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,210 Rant on, Simpson, 366 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,754 but your vainglorious boasting 367 00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,048 will only add savor to my inevitable triumph. 368 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,759 Yes. 369 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,765 Woo-hoo! 370 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:34,266 D'oh! 371 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,977 Yes. You're in deep "D'oh" now. 372 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,313 (sandpaper scraping) 373 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,238 Perfect as always, sir. 374 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:49,865 Right on the green. 375 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,832 Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, 376 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:01,335 and use an open-faced club. 377 00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:03,837 -The sand wedge. -Mmm. 378 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:07,257 Open-faced club sand wedge. 379 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,265 You're four strokes behind, Simpson. 380 00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:21,105 (chuckles) 381 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,731 Oh, a cunning stratagem, sir. 382 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:26,110 It's curving right toward the green, 383 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:28,570 and it's... there. 384 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,783 He got to the green in one shot? 385 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:37,830 How can that old man hit so... 386 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:39,665 far? 387 00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:41,166 Now, keep your head down. 388 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,127 Ignore all distractions. 389 00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,294 (yells) 390 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,009 Hmm. Hmm. 391 00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:53,053 Hmm? Miss? 392 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,389 Miss? Do you have a Chanel suit 393 00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,099 or any other high-quality clothes? 394 00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,851 No, ma'am, but we do have 395 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:00,978 a shipment of slightly burnt Sears activewear 396 00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,563 coming in this afternoon. 397 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:03,731 Oh, I give up. 398 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,692 What time and how burnt? 399 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,986 Cripes man, can't you ever get to the green 400 00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:10,237 in less than two shots? 401 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:13,949 SMITHERS: Aagh! 402 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:14,908 (groans) 403 00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:19,079 Smithers, what are you doing up here? 404 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,414 What are you doing with this ball? 405 00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:22,207 And all those other balls? 406 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,626 Ahh, there are no other balls. 407 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,754 Just these, uh, reptile eggs. 408 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,088 Ooh, step away. They're endangered. 409 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,260 These aren't reptile eggs. 410 00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:34,553 You've been cheating. 411 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,096 No matter where Mr. Burns hit the ball, 412 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,223 you put a fresh one on the green. 413 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,266 (gasps) 414 00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:40,809 Cheating? For me? 415 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,313 Good Lord, Smithers, that's patently unnecessary. 416 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,148 I'm one of the world's finest golfers. 417 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,983 In all the years you've caddied for me, 418 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,818 I've never lost a... 419 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,238 -Oh. -So... 420 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,240 ♪ You're not the best golfer here ♪ 421 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:58,285 ♪ Wait till I tell everyone about this ♪ 422 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,287 ♪ You stink ♪ 423 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,748 Homer, Mr. Burns holds a lot of sway at this club. 424 00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:04,166 If you would keep quiet about the alleged 425 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,709 decades of cheating, 426 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:06,710 I'm sure he'd support your application 427 00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:08,128 for membership tonight. 428 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,755 Bull honkey! I don't care 429 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,423 about joining this stupid club. 430 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,259 But does your wife? 431 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:17,054 Ohh. 432 00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,472 (yells) 433 00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:20,140 I knew my kind wasn't welcome here. 434 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,231 (sighs loudly) 435 00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,112 -Ooh. -Ooh. 436 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,905 ALL: Ahh. 437 00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:38,158 Mom, you are looking fabulous. 438 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,743 Yeah. You look great. 439 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,578 You can do anything with that sewing machine. 440 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,080 No, I can't. 441 00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:44,498 Come on, let's go. 442 00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:45,791 You mean it's a new dress? Where did you get it? 443 00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:47,417 The outlet store. 444 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:50,295 Wow. Two finds in one store. What are the odds? 445 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,339 -Call it fate, let's go! -How much did it cost? 446 00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,091 -A dollar. Let's go. -With tax or without? 447 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,342 Without. Let me go. 448 00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:56,385 So with tax, how much was it? 449 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:57,469 Why do you always have to question 450 00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,263 everything I do? 451 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:00,931 You look nice, is all. 452 00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,437 MARGE: Homer, what are you doing? 453 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,897 I'm driving up to the main building. 454 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,357 They've got valet parking tonight. 455 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,109 We can't drive this up there. 456 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,736 They'll see the dent. They'll see the coat hanger antenna. 457 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,446 Stop the car. We're walking. 458 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,407 But Marge, valets. 459 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,034 For once, maybe someone will call me "sir" 460 00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:23,162 without adding, "you're making a scene." 461 00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:31,211 I'm going to regale everyone with my anecdote. 462 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,589 You know, the one I tried to say on the radio? 463 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,799 Who's going to bleep me this time? 464 00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,426 I'm going to pose as an Italian count 465 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:40,345 and get some old lady to leave me all her money. 466 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:41,847 I'm going to ask people 467 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,682 if they know their servants' last names 468 00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:46,226 or, in the case of butlers, their first. 469 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,353 No! No! No! Not tonight! 470 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,274 No vulgarity. No mischief. 471 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,526 No politics. Just be good. 472 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,197 I'm sorry, Mom. I'll behave. 473 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,449 I won't say anything controversial. 474 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,784 I just won't say anything, okay, honey? 475 00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:11,251 You kids should thank your mother. 476 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,920 Now that she's a better person, 477 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,380 we can see how awful we really are. 478 00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:26,975 Come here, Maggie. 479 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,519 Oh, Homie, 480 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,939 I like your in-your-face humanity. 481 00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,358 I like the way Lisa speaks her mind. 482 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:35,943 I like Bart's... 483 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,197 I like Bart. 484 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,324 And I like my old green dress. 485 00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:46,245 I didn't have to spend our savings on this stupid gown. 486 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:47,829 Our savings? 487 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,665 Don't worry. I saved the receipt. 488 00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,042 We'll have a $3,300 credit at Chanel. 489 00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:53,585 They have beer and gum, right? 490 00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:57,089 Come on, let's go. 491 00:20:57,172 --> 00:20:58,966 I wouldn't want to join any club 492 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,176 that would have this me as a member. 493 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,011 It's okay. 494 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,930 Those snobs never would have made us members, anyway. 495 00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:09,977 Well, I wonder where Marge could be. 496 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,479 She's missing her own initiation. 497 00:21:12,562 --> 00:21:14,314 I hope she didn't take 498 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,233 my attempt to destroy her too seriously. 499 00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:18,986 Where's Homer? 500 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,321 Oh, and to think I spent all afternoon 501 00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:22,698 baking him this cake. 502 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,743 Mmm. Grr... 503 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,245 I pickled the figs myself. 504 00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:38,630 Hey, did you guys just come from the prom? 505 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,382 Sort of. 506 00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:43,343 But, you know, we realized we're more comfortable 507 00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,053 in a place like this. 508 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:50,142 Man, you're crazy. This place is a dump. 509 00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:54,354 Oh man, I'd be anywhere except this place, that's for sure. 510 00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:02,612 {\an8}♪♪ 511 00:22:41,109 --> 00:22:42,402 Shh! 512 00:22:45,238 --> 00:22:48,492 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.