1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,589 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:07,799 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:10,802 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:12,387 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:27,902 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: We now return to our 6 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:30,113 {\an8}48-hour Itchy & Scratchy Diamond Jubilee Marathon-- 7 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,158 {\an8}celebrating 75 years of rib-tickling brutality 8 00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:36,286 {\an8}-and hilarious atrocities. -(slurping) 9 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,996 {\an8}♪ The Itchy & Scratchy Show ♪ 10 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,711 {\an8}Ohh... 11 00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:50,175 {\an8}(yowls) 12 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,096 {\an8}(laughing) 13 00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,030 (laughing) 14 00:01:12,113 --> 00:01:14,908 {\an8}(laughing) 15 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:22,499 {\an8}(grunting) 16 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,293 {\an8}Lisa, if I ever stop loving violence, I want you to shoot me. 17 00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:26,920 {\an8}Will do. 18 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,630 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Tonight, a stowaway bear 19 00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:30,090 {\an8}is terrorizing space shuttle astronauts. 20 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,883 {\an8}But first, a sneak peek 21 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:33,802 {\an8}at tomorrow's Itchy & Scratchy Parade. 22 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,303 {\an8}Hello, everybody, I'm here live 23 00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:37,847 {\an8}on Main Street where dedicated fans 24 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,808 {\an8}are already staking out the best seats for the big anniversary parade. 25 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,769 {\an8}-(gasping) -BOTH: Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad! 26 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,939 {\an8}Bye, kids. On your way back, pick up a six-pack of beer. 27 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:48,691 {\an8}Bart, Lisa, it's 11:00 at night. 28 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:49,901 {\an8}Where do you think you are going? 29 00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:51,361 {\an8}-Downtown. -We got to get seats 30 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,779 {\an8}for the Itchy & Scratchy Parade. 31 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,323 {\an8}I won't have my children sitting alone 32 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:57,534 {\an8}on a cold, dangerous street all night. 33 00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,160 {\an8}Homer, you go too. 34 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:02,038 {\an8}Ohh! Why can't they just take the gun? 35 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,833 (yawning) 36 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:10,171 Hey, the comic book store is still open. 37 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,881 Save our seats. 38 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:12,882 Will do. 39 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,551 -Hello. -Ohh! 40 00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:22,308 ♪♪ 41 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:25,145 Hey, sister, just give me a chance to get next to you. 42 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,187 (tires screech) 43 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:35,697 (cries out) 44 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,700 Hey, my threads, baby. 45 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:41,452 How come I've never seen that Itchy & Scratchy before? 46 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:44,289 Because you are a prepubescent ignoramus. 47 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:45,874 This is a bootleg copy 48 00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,625 of Itchy & Scratchy Meets Fritz the Cat. 49 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,420 Because of its frank depiction of sex and narcotic consumption, 50 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,755 it is not for infantile intellect such as yours. 51 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,799 -Now toodle-oo. -(Bart groans) 52 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,515 Cool. I'll give you ten bucks for that. 53 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,267 Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? 54 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,977 Because you are making me laugh. 55 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,730 That drawing is worth exactly $750 American. 56 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:09,939 It's valuable, huh? 57 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,983 Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. 58 00:03:12,066 --> 00:03:14,527 I simply can't allow you to waste them here, 59 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,696 when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. 60 00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:19,908 -Go! Go! For the good of the city. -Loser. 61 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,244 (yawning) 62 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,496 -(crowd clamoring) -Ah, nertz. 63 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,836 -Which one's Itchy? The car? -The mouse. 64 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,504 Oh. I guess that's not him then. 65 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,757 Represented on this next float 66 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,300 is Roger Myers, Sr. 67 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,510 who founded his company in 1921 68 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,137 and struck it big 69 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,473 when he teamed up a mouse named Itchy 70 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,391 with a cat named Scratchy. 71 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:49,187 Here we see him creating the two comical characters 72 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:52,690 out of thoughts he plucks from his head. 73 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,693 And that man waving from the front of the float 74 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,153 is his son Roger Myers, Jr. 75 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,155 Oh, isn't this just the most fun 76 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,199 you've ever had in your life, Dave? 77 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:03,159 Yes, Suzanne. It is. 78 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,003 Oh, forget this. I'm out of here. 79 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,300 -(crowd cheering) -WOMAN: Bart! 80 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,262 SUZANNE: And now the parade has entered Bumtown. 81 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,639 Oh, it's all just so exciting, Dave. 82 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,599 DAVE: This certainly seems to be 83 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,060 -a poorly planned parade route. -(gunfire) 84 00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:31,020 (glass breaking, alarms blaring) 85 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,355 (people yelling) 86 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:33,982 -(gunfire) -Uh-oh! 87 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:36,609 -(tires screeching) -(crowd clamoring) 88 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,027 Hey, wait up! 89 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:44,409 Pfft! Get out of Bumtown, you no-talent bum. 90 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:47,870 Show some respect, man. That no-talent created Itchy & Scratchy. 91 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:51,541 -He didn't create Itchy, I did. -Huh? 92 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,085 He stole the character from me in 1928. 93 00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:56,421 When I complained, his thugs kicked me 94 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:58,881 out of his office and dropped an anvil on me. 95 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,592 Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella at the time. 96 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,011 You invented Itchy? 97 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,430 The Itchy & Scratchy Itchy? 98 00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:08,266 Sure. In fact, I invented the whole concept 99 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,101 of cartoon violence. 100 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:11,602 Before I came along, 101 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,521 all cartoon animals did was play the ukulele. 102 00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,106 I changed all that. 103 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:18,276 Well, I'm not calling you a liar, but... 104 00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:21,237 but I can't think of a way to finish that sentence. 105 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,949 -So I'm a liar, am I? -(objects clatter) 106 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:28,870 "Itchy the Lucky Mouse in Manhattan Madness." 107 00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:31,414 That's the first Itchy cartoon ever made 108 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:34,083 and it was made by me, Chester J. Lampwick. 109 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,878 Find me a 90-year-old projector, and I'll prove it to you. 110 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:43,926 ♪♪ 111 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:48,014 (silent picture music playing) 112 00:05:56,064 --> 00:06:00,943 (Bart reading) 113 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,446 MILHOUSE: Look out Itchy, he's Irish! 114 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,117 (Bart and Milhouse laugh) 115 00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:13,414 MILHOUSE: Come on Itchy, kill him! Kill that guy! 116 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:19,462 BART: Look at that fat oaf. 117 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:21,381 MILHOUSE: Shh! That's Teddy Roosevelt. 118 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,141 (Bart and Milhouse laughing) 119 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,979 (loud cheers) 120 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,608 -BART: All right Chester! -MILHOUSE: Way to go! 121 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,444 I can't believe it. 122 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,904 That was Itchy, alright. 123 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,614 You did invent him. 124 00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:49,409 When people see this, you'll be rich and famous. 125 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:54,622 D'oh! 126 00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:58,793 That was a nice film I had once. 127 00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:01,671 Last time I try to impress a four-year-old. 128 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,924 Well, see you, kid. 129 00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,509 You can't just go back to the gutter. 130 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:07,510 You created Itchy. 131 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,387 You should be a millionaire. 132 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:12,390 Eh, Roger Myers wouldn't give me a cent in the '20s. 133 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:14,392 Why would he give me anything now? 134 00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,561 You asked Roger Myers Senior for money. 135 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,354 Roger Myers, Jr., is in charge of the studio, now. 136 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,273 He's a good man. 137 00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,400 Every Christmas, he goes down to the pound 138 00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:23,943 and rescues one cat and one mouse 139 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,862 and gives them to a hungry family. 140 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:28,448 The studio's closed until Tuesday. 141 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,616 Animators have A.A. on Monday. 142 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,286 Well, you can stay at my house until then. 143 00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:36,080 My parents won't mind because they won't even know about it. 144 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,416 All right, the coast is clear. 145 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,752 There's a box you can sleep in. 146 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:43,463 -Thanks. -Just move that cot out of the way. 147 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:44,714 Okay. 148 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,841 -Do you know what radon is? -No. 149 00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,134 -Good night. -(switch clicks) 150 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:51,637 -Spare change? -(coins jingling) 151 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:52,930 (coins clatter) 152 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,059 Mom, there's a weird smell and a lot of cursing 153 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,312 coming from the basement, and Dad's upstairs. 154 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:08,779 HOMER: Oh. It's just Bart and a mysterious stranger. 155 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:10,573 He's not a regular bum, Mom. 156 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:11,908 He's a genius bum. 157 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,409 He created Itchy, 158 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,703 and he's the father of cartoon violence. 159 00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:19,081 -(yowls) -He just needs to stay here till tomorrow. 160 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,166 We're going down to Itchy & Scratchy Studios 161 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,751 to pick up his check. 162 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,545 Well, if it's just for one more night. 163 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:32,887 MYERS: So let's review. 164 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,389 You two screwballs have just strolled in here 165 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,768 fresh from the sewer and given me a bunch of bulldink 166 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,562 about creating Itchy with no proof at all, 167 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,606 and you expect me to give you... 168 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,732 how much? 169 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,694 $800 billion. 170 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:51,072 (both grunt) 171 00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:56,202 Well... that brought back a lot of memories. 172 00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,873 Alright gentlemen, I'll take your case, 173 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,625 but I'm going to have to ask 174 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:03,918 for a thousand-dollar retainer. 175 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,419 A thousand dollars? 176 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:06,963 But your ad says "no money down." 177 00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:12,552 Oh! They got this all screwed up. 178 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:13,553 (squeaking) 179 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:20,977 -So you don't work on a contingency basis? -No. Money down. 180 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:25,231 Oops. I shouldn't have this Bar Association logo here either. 181 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,614 Hey, Dad? Can I have a thousand dollars? 182 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,491 All right. Wait a minute! For what? 183 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,077 -To pay for a lawyer for my bum. -Forget it. 184 00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:47,086 I thought I recognized you. 185 00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:49,171 I gave you a plate of corn muffins 186 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,633 back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop, 187 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,260 and you never did it. 188 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:56,053 Those corn muffins were lousy. 189 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,264 -Paint my chicken coop! -Make me. 190 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:01,601 (thuds and groans) 191 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,103 That does it. One of them has to go. 192 00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:07,440 -Okay. Grampa. -No. The B-U-M. 193 00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,066 -Oh... -Wait, wait, wait. 194 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,027 There's an easy way to get rid of Chester 195 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,903 without the guilt of sending him back to the gutter... 196 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,573 And all it will cost you is a thousand dollars. 197 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,456 (gunshots over screaming and laughing) 198 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:24,749 Exhibit "A": 199 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:27,501 Steamboat Itchy, dated 1928-- 200 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,421 the very first Itchy & Scratchy cartoon, 201 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,840 and the credits clearly state 202 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,301 "Written, directed and created 203 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,345 "by Roger Myers. 204 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,388 "Music by Roger Myers and George Gershwin. 205 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,641 "Produced by Roger Myers and Joseph P. Kennedy. 206 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:45,645 Copyright 1928 by Roger Myers." 207 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:50,149 You will also notice Mr. Myers' name and copyright notice 208 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,234 on the original drawings of the other members 209 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,070 {\an8}of the Itchy & Scratchy family: 210 00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,280 {\an8}"Brown-nose Bear, Disgruntled Goat 211 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:59,116 {\an8}"Flatulent Fox, Rich Uncle Skeleton, 212 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,160 {\an8}and Dinner Dog." 213 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:04,664 My client's film predates all of those things, Your Honor. 214 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:07,625 Oh, yes! I've forgotten! 215 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,377 Your famous film! 216 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,420 The one you destroyed before the trial 217 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,215 and haven't been able to find another copy of. 218 00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:15,800 Oh, yes, that film. 219 00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,218 Yes. 220 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:19,095 You don't have a copy, do you? 221 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,055 Krusty, have you ever seen 222 00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:24,100 this so-called animation genius before? 223 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,727 -Yes, I have! -You have? 224 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:29,271 I gave him a couple of blintzes to paint my fence, 225 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,606 but he never did it. 226 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,816 Those blintzes were terrible. 227 00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,609 -Paint my fence! -Make me. 228 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,237 You give me back those blintzes! 229 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,906 Order, order. We don't care about your blintzes. 230 00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,951 Now, Mr. Lampwick, 231 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,120 when Roger Myers stole your character... 232 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,330 -Objection. -Sustained. 233 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,290 If I hear "objection" and "sustained" 234 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,668 one more time today, I think I'm going to scream. 235 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,920 -Objection. -Sustained. 236 00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:53,879 (screaming) 237 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,756 Roger Myers didn't create any of his characters. 238 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,174 He stole them all. 239 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,969 -He stole them all? -(crowd murmuring) 240 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,513 {\an8}The only characters Myers could ever come up with 241 00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:05,808 {\an8}were pathetic stick figures with the words "sarcastic horse" 242 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,978 {\an8}and "manic mailman" printed on them, and they stank. 243 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:12,064 So he started stealing other people's characters. 244 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:16,068 -That's a lie! -Are you saying under oath, Mr. Myers, 245 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,571 that your father didn't steal any of the characters 246 00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,197 associated with your studio? 247 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,199 Well, I don't think I am under oath, 248 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,618 but, yes, my father created them all 249 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:28,122 except for Flatulent Fox-- that was based on a true story-- 250 00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:29,457 but he did create Itchy. 251 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,333 That's one thing I am sure of. 252 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,878 Mr. Hutz, we've been in here for four hours. 253 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,838 Do you have any evidence at all? 254 00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,465 Well, Your Honor, 255 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,341 we've got plenty of hearsay and conjecture. 256 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,177 Those are kinds of evidence. 257 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,387 Your Honor, I move for dismissal. 258 00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,560 I've got it! Dad, give me $750. 259 00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:50,853 Okay. 260 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,189 Keep the trial going. 261 00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:54,565 I'll be right back. 262 00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:55,941 Your Honor, I'd like to call 263 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,235 all of my surprise witnesses again. 264 00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,820 (crowd groaning) 265 00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:09,413 -(register rings) -MERCHANT: Thank you. 266 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:12,208 I knew I had seen this exact scene somewhere else. 267 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,752 It was in the movie Mr. Lampwick showed me. 268 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:18,589 Ladies and gentlemen, this drawing was made in 1919, 269 00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:21,008 nine years before Roger Myers 270 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:23,594 made his first Itchy & Scratchy cartoon. 271 00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:26,347 That could have been drawn by anyone at any time, Your Honor. 272 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:29,308 There's no signature or date. 273 00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:31,268 Look under the frame, Brad. 274 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,978 Careful... 275 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,480 careful... whoops. 276 00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:36,607 It's there! 277 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:37,691 Hmm... 278 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,569 "To Roger Myers, keep drawing. 279 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,447 "Your moxie more than makes up for your lack of talent. 280 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,283 "Your pal, Chester J. Lampwick. 281 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,202 September 3, 1919." 282 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:51,163 (crowd clamoring) 283 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:54,291 Okay, maybe my Dad did steal Itchy, 284 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:55,584 but so what? 285 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,254 Animation is built on plagiarism. 286 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:01,048 If it weren't for someone plagiarizing The Honeymooners, 287 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:03,133 we wouldn't have The Flintstones. 288 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,386 If someone hadn't ripped off Sgt. Bilko, 289 00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:07,221 there'd be no Top Cat. 290 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:10,474 Huckleberry Hound, Chief Wiggum, Yogi Bear. Hah! 291 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:13,269 Andy Griffith, Edward G. Robinson, Art Carney. 292 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:16,647 Your Honor, you take away our right to steal ideas, 293 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,399 where are they going to come from? 294 00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:19,900 Her? 295 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,819 Uh... hmm. 296 00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:23,445 How about... 297 00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:24,947 Ghost Mutt? 298 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,700 The court rules in favor of Mr. Lampwick. 299 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,660 Itchy & Scratchy Studios 300 00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:32,830 will pay a restitution of $800 billion... 301 00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:35,749 though that amount will probably come down a bit on appeal. 302 00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:47,928 I hope you're happy, kid. The studio's bankrupt. 303 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,598 You just killed Itchy & Scratchy. 304 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:56,729 -We killed Itchy & Scratchy? -Good riddance. 305 00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,522 Want to go celebrate? 306 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,900 I feel like liver and onions. 307 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,902 (smacking lips) Mmm... 308 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,408 (generator powering down) 309 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,164 What are you going to do with all your money, Mr. Lampwick? 310 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:18,876 Well, first off, here's your $1,000 back 311 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:22,630 for hiring that lawyer, and $750 for the drawing. 312 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,798 And here's a couple of bucks for your trouble. 313 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,051 Whoo-hoo! Look, Marge, a couple of bucks. 314 00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:30,262 As for the rest of it, I'm going to buy the one thing 315 00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:33,307 I've been dreaming of all the years I spent in the gutter-- 316 00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:35,559 a solid-gold house. 317 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,104 (whistling) 318 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,986 Well, Itchy & Scratchy are gone, 319 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:49,365 but here's a cartoon that tries to make learning fun. 320 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,033 (unenthusiastic chuckle) 321 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,576 Ohh. 322 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,536 Sorry about this, kids, but stay tuned. 323 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,038 We got some real good toy commercials 324 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:57,498 coming right up, I swear. 325 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:04,129 Hey! Who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress? 326 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,547 I'm not garbage. 327 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,758 ♪ I'm an amendment to be ♪ 328 00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,927 ♪ Yes, an amendment to be ♪ 329 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:13,430 ♪ And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me ♪ 330 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,392 ♪ There's a lot of flag burners ♪ 331 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,061 ♪ Who have got too much freedom ♪ 332 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,272 ♪ I want to make it legal for policemen to beat 'em ♪ 333 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,484 ♪ 'Cause there's limits to our liberties ♪ 334 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:28,362 ♪ 'Least I hope and pray that there are ♪ 335 00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:32,992 ♪ 'Cause those liberal freaks go too far ♪ 336 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:36,412 But why can't we just make a law against flag burning? 337 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:39,456 AMENDMENT: Because that law would be unconstitutional. 338 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:42,084 But if we change the constitution-- 339 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,294 Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws! 340 00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:45,963 Now you're catching on. 341 00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,756 What the hell is this? 342 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,591 It's one those campy '70s throwbacks 343 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,593 that appeals to Generation Xers. 344 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,013 We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little. 345 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,723 What if people say you're not good enough 346 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,433 to be in The Constitution? 347 00:16:57,516 --> 00:17:01,061 ♪ Then I'll crush all opposition to me ♪ 348 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:04,064 ♪ And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay ♪ 349 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:07,985 ♪ If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay ♪ 350 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:11,405 Good news, amendment. They ratified you. 351 00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:14,658 You're in the U.S. Constitution. 352 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:17,036 Oh, yeah! Door's open, boys. 353 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,622 -(loud yucking) -(gunshots and laughter) 354 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,667 (imitating Curly) Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. 355 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,085 So it's true. 356 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:28,005 Some cartoons do encourage violence. 357 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,758 Ow! We got to get Itchy & Scratchy back. 358 00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:32,217 And soon! 359 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,178 -Ow! -Heh-heh. 360 00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:39,558 You've got to make more Itchy & Scratchy cartoons. 361 00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:43,020 The judge says it's okay as long as you pay Mr. Lampwick royalties. 362 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:44,938 Royalties? Ha! 363 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:47,566 I don't have the money to produce the cartoons. 364 00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:50,235 I lost everything. I can't even keep 365 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,447 my Dad's head in the freaking cryogenic center anymore. 366 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,908 -(liquid dripping) -(thud) 367 00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,326 You comfortable in there, Daddy? 368 00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,286 Look, if money's the only problem, 369 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,871 I know a guy who has lots of it. 370 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,710 Shoe shine, sir? 371 00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:08,462 Comb your hair for you? 372 00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:09,463 -Sir? -Hmm. 373 00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:11,673 Sir. Sir? Sir? 374 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,884 Okay, catch you on the way back. 375 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:15,844 -Oh, hi, kids. -Hi, Chester. 376 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,304 Listen. Would you pay 377 00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:19,348 to make more Itchy & Scratchy cartoons? 378 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:22,017 -You'll get more royalties. -I don't need any more money. 379 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:26,021 I'm not greedy. As long as I've got my health, and my millions of dollars, 380 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,524 and my gold house, and my rocket car, 381 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,109 I don't need anything else. 382 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,444 -Yes, but-- -Not interested. 383 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:33,987 (snoring) 384 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:38,867 -Dad, can we have $183,000? -What for? 385 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,495 Lisa and I want to finance a series of animated cartoons. 386 00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,205 Oh, forget it. 387 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,627 Oh... I give up. 388 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,713 -There's nothing we can do. -Yeah, I agree. 389 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,716 You want to start on trying to get Apu out of jail? 390 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,343 Okay. 391 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,764 Wait, kids! You can't give up on Itchy & Scratchy. 392 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,641 You're always so good at these things. 393 00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,352 Why, together, you've reunited Krusty with his father, 394 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,146 gotten Principal Skinner's job back, 395 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:08,939 and helped Dr. Riviera 396 00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,400 perform open-heart surgery on your father. 397 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:13,443 You've even foiled Sideshow Bob 398 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:16,655 on five separate occasions, and he's an evil genius. 399 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:19,825 You're right, Mom. I'm sure if we put our minds to it 400 00:19:19,908 --> 00:19:21,410 we can solve this one too. 401 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,916 (gasps): Bart, look at this. 402 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,961 (panting) What a perfect plan. 403 00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:33,380 Now, Roger Myers' hotel is just-- 404 00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,299 And so, when no one could think 405 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:37,843 of a plan to resurrect Itchy & Scratchy, 406 00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,219 a young boy-- 407 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:42,014 a wonderful, irrepressible young boy-- 408 00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:45,017 took it on his own to solve the problem. 409 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:50,480 He discovered that the postal service's "Mr. Zip" was just a rip-off 410 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:55,402 {\an8}of my father's stick figure character "Manic Mailman." 411 00:19:55,485 --> 00:20:00,115 So the government gave me a huge cash settlement 412 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:03,911 and Itchy & Scratchy Studios is back in business. 413 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,162 (generator powering up) 414 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,206 Thanks to you, Lester. 415 00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:12,794 -(both gasp) -What the hell is going on? 416 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,214 I don't know, but it looks like 417 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:18,008 you might have a little competition all of a sudden. 418 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:21,178 Thanks, everybody, but I couldn't have done all this 419 00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:24,973 without the help of my brainy sister Eliza. 420 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,725 (gasps) 421 00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:30,520 I, too, owe many thanks to Lester and Eliza. 422 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,731 This is a great vindication for anybody 423 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:35,275 who was ever taking a bath, went to get the paper, 424 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,277 fell down, and had the door slam behind them 425 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,904 and the doorknob break off. 426 00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,864 And I'd like to thank Lester 427 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:43,492 for reuniting me with my estranged wife. 428 00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:45,702 (applause) 429 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:48,664 -I never even heard about that. -I don't understand it. 430 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:51,124 We're always the ones who solve these problems. 431 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:52,459 (panting) 432 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,419 I guess you don't need it now, 433 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,255 but we had a plan too. 434 00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,507 Hey, great. Listen, write it down 435 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,551 and mail it to last week when I might have cared. 436 00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,679 I've got cartoons to make, kids. 437 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:08,517 ♪ ...and Scratchy Show ♪ 438 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,228 (laughing) 439 00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:13,021 Ah! Huh? 440 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,275 (chanting in Latin) 441 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:20,779 (cries out) 442 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:27,244 ♪♪ (theme) 443 00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:31,873 (both moan) 444 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,667 You kids must be so happy. 445 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:36,461 Your cute little cartoon friends are back on the air. 446 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,046 Yes, well, technically, 447 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,464 everything worked out all right, but... 448 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:40,966 -But? -Well... 449 00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:43,385 I wasn't the one who solved the problem, 450 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:44,970 and neither was Lisa. 451 00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:48,056 There's something unsettling about that. 452 00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:01,695 {\an8}♪♪ 453 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:41,651 Shh! 454 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:47,783 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.