♪ The Simpsons ♪
(tires screech)
D'oh!
-Aah! -(tires screech)
(yowls)
Ah, spring break in Hong Kong.
Custom-made suits at slave labor prices.
Good Lord! They've got this all wrong.
(keypad beeping)
Yes, this is Principal Seymour Skinner.
How can I help you, Principal?
I'm afraid there's
some problems with my tickets.
I asked for a center seat, not an aisle seat.
I specifically requested not to have the kosher meal.
And I booked the flight leaving Saturday morning, not Friday morning.
Okay, I've gone ahead and made those changes,
and with the one-day advance purchase price,
it's just an extra $7,830.
G.M. Chrysler! I can't afford that.
(sighs) But I can't close the school a day early
just to suit my vacation.
Or can I?
Think, Seymour, think.
"Go to Work With your Parents Day"?
SKINNER (on P.A.): Yes, "Go to Work With your Parents Day."
Tomorrow, you will learn by doing
and apply your knowledge of fractions and gym
to real-world situations.
♪ ...Itchy and Scratchy Show! ♪
I still don't understand
why you get to stay home and watch Mom work.
Because I've always been an advocate
of women in the workplace, Lis.
I can't help it if Mom's workplace contains our TV.
I'm honored, Bart.
And Lisa, you'll have a fine time at the plant with Dad.
You've been interested in nuclear power for years.
I've signed numerous petitions to shut down that plant.
-Well, there you go. -Mom, you're blocking the TV.
If you need something to do, you can fill out my form. Here.
"Parent's occupation.
"Please note. Homemaker is not allowed
"as it is not real work.
That's why you don't get paid for it." Aw.
Bart can take my place at the plant.
But he so wanted to see women in the workplace.
Well, how about Aunt Patty and Aunt Selma at the D.M.V.?
-(gasping) -Of course, of course.
I would never ever have thought of that.
(chuckles)
Some days, we don't let the line move at all.
We call those weekdays.
-(laughing) -Oh, good one.
Oh. Well, at least, I'm not stuck
at the cracker factory like Milhouse.
Wow!
-Ever wonder how crackers get salted? -Have I!
-Wow! -Crackers ho!
I never knew cracker production could be so exciting.
Where do they make those crackers
with the peanut butter already inside?
Ah, put this on and come with me, son.
Whoo!
Doughnut?
No, thanks.
Do you have any fruit?
This has purple stuff inside.
Purple is a fruit.
Uh... Oh, this a map of nuclear sites
around the country.
As a safety inspector,
I'm responsible for changing most of these light bulbs.
Why are there so many burnt-out ones?
'Cause they won't hire an assistant.
Martin, here's ten dollars to invest in the futures market.
Soy! Soy! Soy!
ALL: Soy! Soy! Soy!
(bell ringing)
Martin, you're up one million dollars.
Yes!
(buzzer sounds)
And now, you've lost all but $600.
You got greedy, Martin.
I'm sorry. I guess watching me
isn't any more exciting than being me.
Maybe we can make your job more fun.
What are those?
I don't know.
Well, what if we used our imaginations?
Houston, we have a problem.
Homer 13 is spinning out of control.
I'm going after him.
(both laughing)
Boy, this is a lot more fun with a second person.
Okay, one more step.
I've just got to go laminate your license.
You'll get it in two or three weeks.
Hot damn!
No more sitting in the dirt at the drive-in.
Bart, I left the driver's license-making machine on.
Turn it off.
25 years old?
You're not 25 years old.
This I.D. Is completely fake.
Yes, you're right, Milhouse.
It is a fake.
Which makes it a fake I.D.
A fake I.D.? Cool!
And it's our ticket to the best spring break of our lives.
One adult and two children, please.
I can think of at least two things wrong with that title.
Twenty-five? Whoa, I 'm sorry, Mr. S.
But, you know, I gotta check everybody.
What, are you kidding?
I take it as a compliment.
Three beers, please.
Hey, join the party.
(belches)
Spring break!
Yeah!
Well, when are we going to get rowdy?
Maybe when we find something decent to do with this I.D.
We could go rent a carpet shampooer.
(mechanical barking)
Greetings, chums.
Were your days at work as profitable as mine?
I just had a sinful shopping spree at Wee World.
Well, we're having the best spring break of our lives,
and we don't need you around nerding it up.
That job is taken.
But surely, I and my $600
could play some small part in your vacation fun.
Yeah, right.
Like there's any way to get some kicks
with a big wad of cash and a license to drive--
MILHOUSE: Wow!
(barking)
Oh, boy, Flipsy!
You and I are going on a road trip.
(cries out)
-(tires screech) -(electric window operating)
(barking continues)
NELSON: Ha-ha.
Gentlemen, for our road trip, I have taken the liberty
of preparing an air-tight and utterly plausible alibi
for use on our parents.
I've been selected to represent the school
at the National Grammar Rodeo at...
the Sheraton Hotel in Canada.
I've been selected to represent the school
at the National Grammar Rodeo at the Sheraton Hotel in Canada.
I'm going away for a week. See ya!
Eh!
The National Grammar Rodeo?
I wish I were going.
Oh, wait, wait! I mean...
I wish I was going.
-Is that right, Bart? -(mumbles) I dunno.
It's not fair. I'm the best student in school.
How come I never heard about this competition?
Maybe because you are, as we say in Latin,
a dorkus malorkus.
That's not Latin.
Mom, Bart 's faking it.
Oh, honey, you've had your glory.
Now it's Bart 's turn.
Hmm.
(rock intro to "Radar Love")
♪ I been driving all night, my hand's wet on the wheel ♪
♪ There's a voice in my head that drives my heel ♪
♪ It's my baby calling Says, I need you here ♪
(radio tuning back and forth)
Oh, oh, oh, wait, oh, yeah, I wanted that...
Oh, wait, oh, oh.
Ow!
Bart! Nelson hit me.
He sure did.
(gasps)
A cup holder!
Bart, we gotta stop and get a cup.
Uh, Bart?
Cruise control, my good man.
Everybody all set back here?
Nelson, good to see you.
Martin, always a pleasure.
(kids screaming)
Oh... Diablo Canyon 2.
Why can't you be more like Diablo Canyon 1?
(sighs)
(phone ringing)
Hello.
Oh, Homie! Hello.
I can't remember the last time you called me from...
Oh. You want to speak to Lisa.
Hi, Lisa. How is your spring break going?
I'm learning about owls.
Oh, owls, eh? So you probably wouldn't want
to spend another day at work with me...
Sure, I would.
I can learn about owls this summer at bird camp.
(grunting)
(gasps)
We've arrived in the vast cornfields of Canada.
How much farther to the grammar rodeo?
Grammar rodeo!
We're going to a grammar rodeo?
We're not going to a grammar rodeo.
That was just an alibi, Milton.
-Martin. -Martin.
-Fellows? -OTHERS: What?
Where are we going?
Well, I realize it's trite, but we could tour
the bridges of Madison County.
Hey, who has better vacation ideas than Triple-A?
According to the publisher
of this triple-a guidebook-- no one.
I've always wanted to see Macon, Georgia.
Wait, how about a fair?
Not just a county fair.
Not just a Europe fair,
but a world's fair.
The world's fair in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Keep reading.
The Hungarians have built
a giant, motorized Rubik's cube,
and the fair's symbol is the Sunsphere
which sits atop a 266-foot-tall steel shaft.
-What's inside? -An information desk.
ALL: Cool.
So, it's a choice between Disney World and Knoxville.
ALL (chanting): Knoxville! Knoxville! Knoxville!
I concur.
(tires screeching)
You made it! Did you have any trouble
getting past the security guards?
Security guards?
-Great! You want to get some lunch? -Sure.
The way I figure it,
if candy stays in the machine
for more than a year, it's up for grabs.
(groaning)
Why do you need me?
Well, it's a two-man operation,
and you're the only man here I trust. Ready?
Ready.
-Whoo-hoo! -Whoo-hoo!
Simpson! What in God's name are you--
Zagnut bar, Mr. Smithers?
Razzles? Skittles? Whatchamacallit? Twizzlers?
They all have hilarious names and are delicious.
Well, I am partial to Jolly Ranchers. Mmm.
Good work, Simpson.
Simpsons.
Boy, Lisa, with you here, this hardly seems like work at all.
I don't know how I'm going to make it
through my night shift without you.
-We can have a slumber party. -Oh, that'd be great.
Sleeping bags on the floor, a roaring fire--
It'll be like the time they kicked me out of the sporting goods store.
(kids yelling, laughing)
If you kids can't keep your hands to yourself,
I'm going to turn this car around,
and there'll be no Cape Canaveral for anybody!
That's it! Back to Winnipeg!
Bart, can we stop for ice cream?
Yes.
Bart, can we weigh the car
at that weigh station?
Yeah.
Bart, can we pick up that hitchhiker?
I don't see why not.
Bart, can we stop for ice cream?
Yes.
Well, I didn't think I was rehabilitated,
but I guess they needed the extra bed.
(sighs)
With Bart gone, and now you and your father,
I'm not going to have anyone to--
Thanks, Mom. Bye.
...talk to.
-What is this place? -Branson, Missouri.
My dad says it's like Vegas
if it were run by Ned Flanders.
Andy Williams!
Oh, we don't need to stop here.
-Yes, we do! -Ugh!
ANDY WILLIAMS: ♪ ...my huckleberry friend ♪
♪ Moon river ♪
♪ And me ♪
(cheers, applause)
(whistles) Wow!
I didn't think he was going to do "Moon River,"
but then, bam, second encore.
Okay, time for truth or dare.
-You go first. -Eh... truth.
Ask me anything.
Who do you love most-- me, Bart, or Maggie?
D'oh! All right, dare.
Okay, why don't you...
Hello, I'd like to speak
with a Mr. Snotball.
First name Ura.
Ura Snotball?
What? How dare you!
If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt
and mail you to Iran!
-Okay, your turn. -Mmm... truth.
Uh... do you have a crush on anyone?
Dad.
I won't tell anybody.
Dad, you tell everybody everything.
Even Moe knew when I threw up on the dentist.
Moe thinks he knows a lot more than Moe knows.
Well, just give me another chance,
and I'll prove I can keep your secret.
Okay.
I like...
Langdon Alger.
I have no idea who that is.
Nobody does.
(giggling)
He's very quiet and enjoys puzzles,
but that still doesn't mean you can tell anyone.
I've already forgotten his name.
It was Larsen something, right?
(giggling)
Thanks, Dad.
Oh, this has been the best spring break ever.
And with my patented seminar, you will learn
how to corner the real estate market through hypnosis.
Why waste your hypnotic powers
on neighbors and co-workers when...
I can't take this anymore.
(sighs)
(coughing)
(coughing louder)
(groaning)
(crying)
Aw, there, there...
oh, Maggie, there...
We're on the home stretch.
Next stop-- the Knoxville World's Fair
and its fabulous Sunsphere.
Hurry up. We've only got four days
to spend at the...
"Wod... fir"?
(metallic clatter)
Uh... excuse me.
Is this the World's Fair visitor's center?
It used to be, back in 1982.
You're 14 years too late.
But there's another world's fair coming soon, right?
Before Friday?
What about the Sunsphere?
You mean the Wigsphere.
You're welcome to go up there
if you want to see 16,000 boxes of unsold wigs.
Now, you gentlemen gonna buy some wigs or ain't ya?
I guess fate was against us.
It's really nobody's fault, right?
Uh, right?
Well, we've still got a car
and a wad of cash.
Uh, no, we don't.
I must have spent our last $10
on this Al Gore doll.
You are hearing me talk.
I hate this place!
We've got no car.
We've got no money.
And no one knows we're here.
TOGETHER: We're stranded!
-(crying) -But on the plus side,
I knocked over the Sunsphere.
NELSON: Ha-ha!
This never would have happened
if we'd gone to Macon, Georgia.
I'm just saying, is all.
Fellows, I think perhaps the time has come
to call our parents.
No! They'd kill us.
Look, we got here on our own,
so we can survive here on our own.
All we need is money, food, and a way to get home.
Follow me.
Everybody, remember, we're parked under the Sunsphere.
Hey! I need those to see!
Ah, these lenses are perfect.
Now I can re-bottom those antique coke bottles.
-300... -Hey, come back!
400, 500, 600...
Ow! Oh!
500, 400, 300, 200, 100, zero.
Come on!
This train goes right through Springfield.
(all groaning)
(phone ringing)
Well, of course, I'll accept.
Bart! I've missed you so mu--
You want to speak to Lisa?
So, how's the National Grammar Rodeo, Bart?
Lisa, I really need your help,
so I 'm gonna let you in on a secret. There's no such thing.
I knew it! I knew it! Because why would they have
our national grammar rodeo in another nation?
Oh, Bart, you're going to be in so much trouble.
I'm in trouble already. Here's what happened.
So you've got to think of a way I can come home for free.
Hmm... you could travel for free if you were a stewardess.
Well, how badly do you want to get home?
All right, all right, how about a courier?
They travel for free too.
No, that's a terrier. They're dogs.
Well, you sure don't look 25
but your un-laminated out-of-state driver's license
is proof enough for me.
Here's your first assignment.
(speaking Chinese)
What the--
(snoring)
Can we call our parents yet, Bart?
(phone ringing)
BART (on phone): Lisa, this isn't working.
I've got to courier something to Springfield.
And it's got to be big enough
to fit Milhouse, Martin, and Nelson inside.
Bart, that will cost a fortune.
Simpson, how'd you like to escort 500 Big Macs
to Marlon Brando's island?
Oh, I can't take much more of this.
I'm counting on you, Lis.
-(dejectedly) Whee. -What's wrong, honey?
There's something troubling me, Dad.
But I don't think I can tell you because it's a secret.
Well, you don't have to tell me,
but I thought we trusted each other with our secrets now.
I mean, I haven't told a soul about your new boyfriend.
Langdon Alger?
I don't like him anymore.
Okay, but you gotta promise you won't get mad
or tell anyone, especially Bart.
I promise.
Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license
and drove Milhouse, Nelson, and Martin to a wig outlet in Knoxville
and the car got crushed, and they're out of money
and they can't get home, and Bart 's working as a courier
and just came back from Hong Kong.
Yes, that's a real pickle.
Would you excuse me for a moment?
(muffled yelling)
All right, I have thought this through.
I will send Bart the money to fly home,
then I will murder him.
No, no! Then he'll know I told!
Dad, you said I could trust you.
(sighs)
Okay, we'll work this out together.
First things first. Where is Knoxville?
It's in Tennessee, right next to the Oak Ridge nuclear facility,
birthplace of the atomic bomb.
Well, maybe we could order something from Oak Ridge.
And Bart could be the courier!
Yello, Oak Ridge?
This is Springfield Nuclear.
We need to order a, uh...
T-437
safety command console.
Springfield, my computer
shows your t-437 is fully operational.
Uh, I suggest you--
Oh, my God!
Oh, God, no!
This can't be happening!
This... you're operating without a T-437, Springfield!
Ah, sweet mother of mercy!
I mean... I mean, my God!
And have it sent to the Springfield nuclear power plant
care of Homer J.
No, don't use your real name or Bart will know!
Forget the name Homer Simpson.
Have it sent care of Langdon Alger.
MILHOUSE (muffled voice): Bart! Hey, we really could use another air hole.
Shh! They'll know you're in there.
(chuckling)
But I don't think I'd go back again next year.
It's getting too commercial.
They've forgotten it's supposed to be about the grammar.
(phone ringing)
Hello.
Oh, hello, Principal Skinner.
No, Bart has never been to Hong Kong.
Good night.
(phone ringing)
Hello.
Tennessee state police?
No, my son's car was not crushed in Knoxville.
I don't know where to begin telling you
what's wrong with that.
(phone ringing)
Hello.
No, Bart is not available tomorrow
to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam.
(snickering)
Homer, are you laughing at me?
♪♪
Shh!
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.