1 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,296 Hmm. 2 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,757 (yelling) 3 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:16,349 Ahh. 4 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:32,991 {\an8}(thudding) 5 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,661 {\an8}Did you hear that, Bart? 6 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:37,996 {\an8}Maybe it was just the cat. 7 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,706 {\an8}No. She's sleeping with me. 8 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:41,458 {\an8}(meowing) 9 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,917 {\an8}(thudding) 10 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:44,836 {\an8}(groaning) 11 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,298 {\an8}Did you guys hear something moving around 12 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,466 {\an8}in the attic last night? 13 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,092 {\an8}Attic? Oh, that's silly. 14 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,927 {\an8}(laughing) 15 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,765 {\an8}Seriously, though, don't ever go up there. 16 00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,100 {\an8}Homer, isn't it about time for the-- 17 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,351 {\an8}You know. 18 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,437 {\an8}Yeah, yeah. I'll go feed it. 19 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,316 {\an8}♪ Fish heads, fish heads ♪ 20 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:07,859 {\an8}♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪ 21 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,321 {\an8}(whistling tune) 22 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,289 {\an8}(grunting, chewing) 23 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,333 {\an8}(Homer shuddering) 24 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,919 {\an8}(rattling and clanging) 25 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,714 (metal clanging) 26 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:31,883 (growling) 27 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:34,636 (whimpering) 28 00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:36,262 -What's up there? -Yeah, is it a monster? 29 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,263 -We have to know. -Come on, what's the secret? 30 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,306 No more questions. 31 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,391 I work my butt off to feed you four kids, 32 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:41,935 and all you do is-- What? 33 00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:45,396 Three. We have three kids, Homer. 34 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,566 Yeah. Three nosy kids. 35 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,443 And you know what happens to nosy kids 36 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,611 who ask too many questions? 37 00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:52,821 -No, what? -What does happen? 38 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,490 -Does something happen? -What happens? 39 00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:57,617 (thunder rumbling) 40 00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,119 LISA: Hurry up. 41 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,745 Mom and Dad will be home soon. 42 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:04,999 {\an8}-Wah! -Oof. 43 00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:20,265 The unsold copies of Dad's autobiography. 44 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,100 Oh, my God, Bart, look. 45 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,560 -(chains rattling) -(gasping) 46 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,066 -(thunder rumbling) -(whimpering) 47 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:34,529 (ghoulish laughter) 48 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:35,989 {\an8}(screaming) 49 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,867 LISA: Bart, do you think it's safe? 50 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:41,077 BART: I don't care. I can't breathe in here. 51 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,287 (Maggie sucking) 52 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,872 (gasping and coughing) 53 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,750 See, Marge, who needs a car wash 54 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,878 when you can just drive around in the rain? 55 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,255 BOTH: Mom, Dad, we saw something in the attic! We saw something in the attic! 56 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,631 You went into the attic? 57 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,049 (gasping) 58 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:57,677 I'm very disappointed and terrified. 59 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,140 Oh, my God, Marge. 60 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,391 It's escaped. 61 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,477 (footsteps) 62 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:07,478 (door opening) 63 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:11,065 (touch tones) 64 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,275 Yes, doctor. 65 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:13,776 It's what we've always feared. 66 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,362 It's loose. Hugo is loose. 67 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,156 See you soon. 68 00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,200 Who or what is Hugo? 69 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,452 (sighing) I'm afraid we haven't been 70 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,996 entirely honest with you, Bart. 71 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,582 You see... you have a brother. 72 00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:29,000 So, I have two brothers? 73 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:30,335 Lisa, please. 74 00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:32,337 Yes, Bart, you have a twin brother. 75 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,839 You see, when you were born, there was... 76 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:36,549 an irregularity. 77 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:39,052 HIBBERT: A monstrous irregularity. 78 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,303 (screaming) 79 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:43,473 Yes, I remember Bart's birth well. 80 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:49,270 You don't forget a thing like... Siamese twins. 81 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:52,607 {\an8}I believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins." 82 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:55,568 And hillbillies prefer to be called "sons of the soil," 83 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,819 but it ain't gonna happen. 84 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,364 Now, normally the birth of Siamese twins 85 00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:02,242 is a joyous occasion, but unfortunately 86 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:05,119 one of them was pure evil. 87 00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:16,130 I think I'll bottle feed that one. 88 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,924 HIBBERT: A routine soul smear 89 00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:19,509 confirmed the presence of pure evil. 90 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,135 It was then I knew the only option 91 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,304 was to separate you two immediately. 92 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,266 You'll both need to sign these. 93 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,892 (chuckles) 94 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,441 But what to do with poor Hugo? 95 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,527 Too crazy for boys town, 96 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,946 too much of a boy for crazy town-- 97 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,614 the child was an outcast. 98 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,992 So we did the only humane thing. 99 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,411 We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal 100 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,913 and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week. 101 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,540 It saved our marriage. 102 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,667 You expect me to believe all this? 103 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:53,960 If any of it was true, 104 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,546 {\an8}wouldn't I have a big, hideous scar-- Wha! 105 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,589 We've got to find Hugo. 106 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,133 We'll search out every place 107 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:02,135 a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to. 108 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,511 I'll start with Radio Shack. 109 00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:05,972 Right. 110 00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:08,141 Bart, you stay home and tape the hockey game. 111 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,693 (rustling) 112 00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:22,155 You're here... aren't you? 113 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,574 Yes, Bart. I never left you. 114 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,785 What do you want from me? 115 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,496 You'll see... after the surgery. 116 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:33,207 (screaming) 117 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,250 (thunder crashes) 118 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,502 -You're crazy. -Am I? 119 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:39,088 Well, perhaps we're all a little crazy. 120 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,298 I know I am. 121 00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:41,883 I went mad after they tore us apart, 122 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:45,595 but I'll be sane once I sew us back together. 123 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,556 But you'll kill both of us. 124 00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:51,684 No. It's easy. Look, I've been practicing. 125 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:52,727 I made a pigeon-rat. 126 00:05:58,399 --> 00:05:59,567 Well, let's get started. 127 00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:00,943 You want to be on the right or the left? 128 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,237 -(screams) -Hugo, stop! 129 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:04,364 Huh? 130 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:05,490 (laughing) 131 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:08,326 There, there, Hugo, I understand. 132 00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:10,495 All those years caged up in here-- 133 00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:12,497 why, you've probably never even seen 134 00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:14,874 your own face in the mirror, have you? 135 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:15,875 Here. 136 00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:17,752 Hmm? 137 00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,588 (grunting) 138 00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:22,590 We think we saw Hugo at the airport. 139 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,384 He was boarding a plane to Switzerland-- 140 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,468 Oh. 141 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,973 You know, isn't it interesting 142 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,142 how the left, or sinister twin 143 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,852 is invariably the evil one. 144 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,021 I had this theory that-- 145 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,648 Wait a minute. 146 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:42,527 Hugo's scar is on the wrong side. 147 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:45,613 He couldn't have been the evil left twin. 148 00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:50,618 That means the evil twin is and always has been... Bart. 149 00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,957 Oh, don't look so shocked. 150 00:06:56,040 --> 00:07:00,837 Well... chalk this one up to carelessness on my part. 151 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,632 But I think there's a way to set everything right. 152 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,509 (laughing) 153 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,222 Care for a drumstick, Hugo? 154 00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:13,015 (noisily chomping) 155 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,519 Mom, Hugo 's eating his napkin. 156 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,146 (laughing) 157 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,440 MARGE: He's so cute. 158 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,150 {\an8}Hey, can I have some turkey? 159 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,193 No. You finish your fish heads. 160 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,194 Then we'll talk. 161 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:36,164 This tooth will be perfect for my science project. 162 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,293 Science has already proven the dangers 163 00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:42,378 of smoking, alcohol and Chinese food 164 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,131 but I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone. 165 00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,926 Hey, Lis, check out my science project. 166 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,220 Ow! What's that supposed to prove? 167 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,638 That nerds conduct electricity. 168 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:53,639 Ow! 169 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,062 (sizzling) 170 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,440 Ow! Stupid, Bart. 171 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,650 {\an8}(electrical crackling) 172 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,285 Oh, boy, mold. 173 00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:16,204 That's science fair pay dirt. 174 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:20,500 Hmm. 175 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,043 Looks about the same. 176 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,253 Ah. 177 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,254 Oh. 178 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:28,257 (gasping) 179 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,092 Tiny little people? 180 00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:35,264 My God! I've created life. 181 00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:40,811 MARGE: Lisa! Breakfast! We're having waffles! 182 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,104 Ooh, waffles. 183 00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:47,735 Hey, these aren't waffles. 184 00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:49,737 These are just square pancakes. 185 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,030 I'm sorry, honey. 186 00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:52,323 The waffle iron's in the shop. 187 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,827 That waffle iron's been in the shop forever. 188 00:08:56,911 --> 00:09:00,373 So, how are my little stone age tub dwellers? 189 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,250 Oh, my gosh. 190 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,293 They're evolving so quickly. 191 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,878 They've already reached the Renaissance. 192 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,214 Wait. One of them is nailing something 193 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,966 to the door of the cathedral. 194 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,093 (gasping) I've created Lutherans. 195 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:24,981 Wow. It's almost like seeing into the future. 196 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,692 Hey, what is this goo? You trying to grow a friend? 197 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:30,570 Hey, you built a model city. 198 00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:31,988 Is that the school? 199 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,406 Whoops, my finger slipped. 200 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:35,324 Oops, my finger slipped. 201 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,367 Oops, my finger slipped. 202 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,493 Bart, stop it! 203 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,120 (laughs) 204 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,207 -(sirens wailing) -(screaming) 205 00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:48,462 Oh, my poor little guys. 206 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,673 That Bart is so rude. 207 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,508 (snoring) 208 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,843 {\an8}(small explosion) 209 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,535 What the heck? 210 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,078 Ah! 211 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,121 Ow! 212 00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,457 (grunts and groans) 213 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,917 (machine gun fire) 214 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,044 (groans) 215 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,842 (groaning) 216 00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:36,719 Your micro-jerks attacked me. 217 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,722 Well, you practically destroyed their whole world. 218 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,515 You can't protect them every second. 219 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,769 Sooner or later you'll let your guard down and then flush. 220 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,271 It's toilet time for tiny town. 221 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,649 (sighs loudly) 222 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,567 (whirring hum) 223 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:54,487 Aah! 224 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:01,535 (grunts) 225 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,582 It worked! The debigulator worked! 226 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:07,583 (trumpet sounds) 227 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:11,003 ALL: Hail, Lisa. 228 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:15,257 Welcome to our world, most gracious Lisa. 229 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,926 Your world is incredible, 230 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,344 and you speak English. 231 00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:19,762 We have listened to you speak 232 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:21,514 since the dawn of time, o, creator 233 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:25,226 and we have learned to imatoot you exarktly. 234 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,479 LISA: You think I'm God? 235 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:29,730 But of course. 236 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,565 You look down on us from heaven. 237 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:32,858 You gave us life 238 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,569 and only your divine intervention 239 00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,488 can save us from the devil. 240 00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,073 The devil? What devil? 241 00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:42,243 The one you call "Bart." 242 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:45,538 (all gasping and hissing) 243 00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:48,374 Oh, no, no, no, no, you don't understand. 244 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:49,875 Bart's just my brother. 245 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,420 The devil is your brother? 246 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,672 (gasping, murmuring) 247 00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:58,718 I must say we find that quite perplexing. 248 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,761 Uh, God, hi. Bill Watson. 249 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,179 I, uh, live in the Clark building. 250 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,473 I have a question. If you're so good, 251 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,684 why do you allow bad things to happen? 252 00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,602 Why am I so fat? 253 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:11,105 MAN: Why do bad things happen to good people? 254 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,982 (overlapping dialog) 255 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,984 Listen, I can take care of everything. 256 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,777 All you have to do is unshrink me. 257 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,237 Unshrink you? 258 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,031 Well, that would require some sort of a rebigulator 259 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,450 which is a concept so ridiculous 260 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,452 it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle, 261 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:27,788 uh, but not at you, o holiest of gods 262 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,373 with the wrathfulness and the vengeance 263 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,499 and the blood-rain 264 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,084 and the hey, hey, hey, it hurts me. 265 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,545 Look, the destroyer! He returns! 266 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,756 (screaming) 267 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,090 Help! 268 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,759 WOMAN: Save us, Lisa! 269 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:42,303 Bart, no! 270 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,892 First rate work, Bart. 271 00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,935 {\an8}This universe you've created 272 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,813 {\an8}is even more impressive than Martin's milk carton ukulele. 273 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,065 Willie, you can throw out the other projects. 274 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:56,525 We have a winner. 275 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,447 Principal Skinner, wait! 276 00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,449 I created the universe! 277 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,785 Give me the gift certificate! 278 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,286 Ah, great. 279 00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,497 I'm stuck in this lousy tub for the rest of my life. 280 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,751 Shouldn't you people be groveling? 281 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:14,877 (crowd murmurs in agreement) 282 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,880 And bring me some shoes. Nice ones. 283 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,673 MAN: She'll want socks too. I'll get socks. 284 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:29,266 Ah, the old fishin' hole. 285 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:32,061 So peaceful and relaxing. 286 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:35,689 Doesn't even matter if I catch a single fish. 287 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,150 (sighs) 288 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,778 Come on, you stupid fish! Take the bait! 289 00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:42,696 Don't make me come down there. 290 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:47,910 What the-- Son of a-- 291 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:01,799 Oh, my God! 292 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,551 Space aliens! Don't eat me! 293 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:05,594 I have a wife and kids! 294 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,221 -Eat them! -Silence! 295 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,347 We are travelers 296 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,224 from a certain nearby ringed planet 297 00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:12,518 whose name we'd prefer not to mention. 298 00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,854 My name is Kang. 299 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,647 And this is my sister Kodos. 300 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:17,898 MALE VOICE: Hello. 301 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:20,568 (gulps) I suppose you want to probe me. 302 00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:23,529 Well, might as well get it over with. 303 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,698 Stop. We have reached the limits 304 00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,992 of what rectal probing can teach us. 305 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:30,411 This is a mission of conquest. 306 00:14:30,494 --> 00:14:31,996 Take us to your leader. 307 00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,706 I guess you mean President Clinton. 308 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:36,250 -(zipping) -He usually hangs around Washington, D.C. 309 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,460 President Clin-ton. 310 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:39,920 Excellent. 311 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:42,715 Except... um, there's this election next week 312 00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,967 so after that, it might not be him anymore. 313 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:49,972 It might be what's-his-name, uh, mumbly-Joe... 314 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,683 I saw him on TV the other-- 315 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,768 Uh... Bob Dole. 316 00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:59,023 Hmm... an election. That complicates matters. 317 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,775 Set grid coordinates for Bob Dole. 318 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,362 Well, night everybody. 319 00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:06,655 -Good night, senator. -Good luck next week. 320 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,407 What? 321 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,619 Bob Dole doesn't need this. 322 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,750 Wha-wha-what's happening? 323 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,084 Is it noon already? 324 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,761 What the hell is this, some kind of tube? 325 00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,179 Hey-- 326 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,431 Well, thanks for taking care of Dole for me. 327 00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:33,474 Hey! 328 00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:35,225 (gurgling) 329 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:36,268 (whimpering) 330 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,566 Commence bio-duplication. 331 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:50,240 (electronic humming) 332 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,035 Oh, no. Aliens... 333 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,829 bio-duplication, nude conspiracies. 334 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:58,624 Oh, my God! Lyndon Larouche was right! 335 00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:00,209 KODOS' VOICE: What? Are you still here? 336 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:03,879 I'm afraid we'll have to dispose of you. 337 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,884 No! No! What are you spraying me with? 338 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,930 KANG'S VOICE: Rum. So no one will believe your story. 339 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,515 Aah! 340 00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:15,557 And don't come back. 341 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,142 (screaming) 342 00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:22,189 Kent Brockman here with "Campaign '96." 343 00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:24,608 America flips a coin. 344 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,568 At an appearance this morning President Clinton made 345 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,320 some rather cryptic remarks 346 00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,198 which aides attributed to an overly tight necktie. 347 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:33,200 KODOS: I am Clin-ton. 348 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:36,662 As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me 349 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,747 and obey my brutal commands. 350 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,249 End communication. 351 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,334 That's slick Willie for you. 352 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,919 Always with the smooth talk. 353 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,337 Marge! Marge! 354 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,089 There I was, I had just caught 355 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,216 the largest fish you'd ever seen, 356 00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:51,927 when I was abducted by a flying saucer. 357 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,846 Sure you were, rummy. 358 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:56,181 (gasps) That's one of the creatures! 359 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,142 Senator Dole, why should people vote for you 360 00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,144 instead of President Clinton? 361 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,813 KANG: It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. 362 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:06,400 Either way, your planet is doomed. 363 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,527 Doomed! 364 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,571 Well, a refreshingly frank response there 365 00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:12,197 from Senator Bob Dole. 366 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,617 These candidates make me want to vomit in terror. 367 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,578 I've got to stop them. 368 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:21,999 Ladies and gentlemen, 73-year-old candidate Bob Dole. 369 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,917 (cheering) 370 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,878 Abortions for all. 371 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:28,672 (crowd booing) 372 00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:30,049 Very well. 373 00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,051 No abortions for anyone. 374 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,511 (crowd booing) 375 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,679 Hmm. 376 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,681 Abortions for some, 377 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:40,100 miniature American flags for others. 378 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,435 (crowd cheering) 379 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:46,315 Fooling these earth voters is easier than expected. 380 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,233 Yes. All they want to hear 381 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,735 are bland pleasantries 382 00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,445 embellished by an occasional 383 00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:54,198 saxophone solo or infant kiss. 384 00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,284 Uh, Mr. President, sir, 385 00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,870 people are becoming a bit confused 386 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,371 by the way you and your opponent are, 387 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:04,416 well, constantly holding hands. 388 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,711 We are merely exchanging long protein strings. 389 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,463 If you can think of a simpler way, 390 00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:10,756 I'd like to hear it. 391 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,598 My fellow Americans, 392 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:23,769 as a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. 393 00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:28,482 But tonight, I say we must move forward, not backward, 394 00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:30,776 upward, not forward, 395 00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:34,988 and always twirling, twirling, twirling 396 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,365 towards freedom. 397 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,242 (cheering) 398 00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:46,250 Stop! Those candidates are phonies! 399 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,001 (crowd gasping) 400 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,336 (groans) 401 00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:51,922 You heard me. They're alien replicons 402 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:53,173 from beyond the moon. 403 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:54,591 (derisive snorting) 404 00:18:58,178 --> 00:18:59,346 (grunting) 405 00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,932 Don't forget your stinking flag. 406 00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:05,102 Oh, why won't anyone believe my crazy story? 407 00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,146 -(clanking) -Ow! 408 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,274 (gasps) 409 00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:15,571 Hold on, guys. I'll help you. 410 00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:21,785 Oh, no, am I still here? 411 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:25,205 I don't want to serve out my term naked in a tube. 412 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,542 I am so mad at the secret service right now. 413 00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:29,543 Hey, who the hell are you? 414 00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,461 I'm Homer Simpson, sir. 415 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,630 And I'm going to get you back to Washington 416 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,340 before it's too late. 417 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,595 You know, senator, being in suspended animation 418 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,054 gave me time to think. 419 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:44,057 Partisan politics are tearing our country apart. 420 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,726 You got a point there, Bill. 421 00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:47,811 If you and I are going to whip these one-eyed space fellas, 422 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,563 we're gonna have to set aside our differences. 423 00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:53,817 Together we can lead America into a new golden age. 424 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,235 Friend, you got a deal. 425 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:56,945 Homer, let us out. 426 00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,324 It's time to tear those aliens a third corn chute. 427 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,159 Hmm, hmm, hmm. 428 00:20:02,242 --> 00:20:04,036 Num, num, num, num... there. 429 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:06,955 D'oh! 430 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,669 Oh, no. What have I done? 431 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,838 What am I doing? What will I do? 432 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:16,423 (engine revs) 433 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,926 KANG: The politics of failure have failed. 434 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,136 We need to make them work again. 435 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,223 Tomorrow when you are sealed in the voting cubicle, 436 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:28,268 vote for me, Senator Ka-- Bob Dole. 437 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:31,730 (applause) 438 00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:35,234 I am looking forward to an orderly election tomorrow 439 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:36,693 which will eliminate the need 440 00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:38,445 for a violent bloodbath. 441 00:20:38,528 --> 00:20:40,280 (applause) 442 00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:43,700 (Homer yelling) 443 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:46,286 (footsteps) 444 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:49,373 America, take a good look at your beloved candidates. 445 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:52,709 They're nothing but hideous space reptiles. 446 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,711 (crowd gasping and screaming) 447 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,093 It's true. We are aliens. 448 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:03,262 But what are you going to do about it? 449 00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:04,888 It's a two-party system. 450 00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:07,015 You have to vote for one of us. 451 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,393 He's right. This is a two-party system. 452 00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:12,062 Well, I believe I'll vote for a third party candidate. 453 00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:15,524 Go ahead-- throw your vote away. 454 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:17,609 (both laughing) 455 00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:30,163 All hail President Kang. 456 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,926 Ow! 457 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:45,262 I don't understand why we have to build a ray gun 458 00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:48,015 to aim at a planet I never even heard of. 459 00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,767 Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos. 460 00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:51,768 -(whip cracking) -Oh! 461 00:21:53,186 --> 00:21:55,564 ♪♪ 462 00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:00,777 ♪♪ 463 00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:40,067 (high-pitched scream) 464 00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:46,698 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.