1 00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,089 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,219 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:15,432 D'oh! 4 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:16,725 (screams) 5 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,367 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, 6 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,369 the Springfield Mall in conjunction with 7 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,997 Nostalgia Licensing Corporation 8 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,918 {\an8}is proud to present... the stars of "Bonanza"! 9 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,421 {\an8}♪♪ ("Bonanza" theme) 10 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:51,801 {\an8}Thank you. I just wish Ben and Hoss 11 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,013 {\an8}and Little Joe and Hop Sing and Sheriff Roy 12 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:57,599 {\an8}and all of your favorites could be alive today 13 00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,476 {\an8}to see this wonderful turnout. 14 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,102 {\an8}You know, on the series 15 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,730 {\an8}we were always trying to kill the Cartwrights. 16 00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,273 {\an8}(crowd booing) 17 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,152 {\an8}But it looks like father time 18 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,154 {\an8}took care of that for us, right? 19 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,448 {\an8}Am I right, folks? 20 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,870 {\an8}♪♪ ("Bonanza" theme) 21 00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,332 {\an8}Oh, this sucks. 22 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,250 {\an8}Weren't there three Indians last year? 23 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,295 {\an8}Look, Marge! 24 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,923 {\an8}They opened a new high-tech gadget store! 25 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:32,175 {\an8}-You love high-tech gadgets. -No, I don't. 26 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,385 {\an8}Like bull, you don't. Come on. 27 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,137 {\an8}Homer, please! You're hurting my arm! 28 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,138 {\an8}(laughs) No, I'm not! 29 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,516 Hey, Lis. 30 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,810 Check out this space-age toothbrush. 31 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,395 That's an electric nostril groomer. 32 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:45,563 (coughs) 33 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,024 Night vision goggles? 34 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,944 A bathroom scale from a Soviet sub? 35 00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:53,279 A suede briefcase case? 36 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,324 Mm. Anyone who needs this kind of status symbol 37 00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:59,160 must have some terrible emotional problems. 38 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,287 (gasps) Marge, look! 39 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,206 "The world's best jacket." 40 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,209 if I had this, it would show everybody! 41 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,419 (growling maniacally) Show everybody! 42 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:09,838 Yes, finally! 43 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:12,841 I would like to return your "ultimate belt." 44 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,844 I see. Do you have a "receipt," sir? 45 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:17,387 No, I do not have a receipt. 46 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,223 I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention 47 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:23,059 although I find their choice of prize highly illogical 48 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,435 as the average Trekker 49 00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,688 has no use for a medium-sized belt. 50 00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:29,065 Whoa, whoa! A fat, sarcastic "Star Trek" fan. 51 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,442 You must be a devil with the ladies. 52 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,862 Hey, I-- that-- Oh... 53 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,197 Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, 54 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,449 but no receipt, no return. 55 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,911 I'll give you four bucks for it. 56 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,079 (sighs) 57 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,455 Very well. I must hurry back 58 00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,124 to my comic book store 59 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:49,502 where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them. 60 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,463 Wow! I bet if God wore pants 61 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,674 he'd have a belt like that! 62 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,092 This isn't a belt. 63 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,011 It's a tactical pants-retaining system. 64 00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,929 Check it out: Compass, matches, 65 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,390 whistle, saw, panic button, squirrel snare, 66 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:05,518 radon/lie detector, sphygmomanometer, 67 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:09,439 and it's even got turn signals. 68 00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,024 (all exclaiming) 69 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,358 Hey, Simpson. 70 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,068 Want to trade belts? 71 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,737 Well, not really 72 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:19,115 'cause yours is just a piece of extension cord. 73 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,242 Hey, dude, he's ragging on your cord. 74 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,243 Get him. 75 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,123 No running. 76 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,125 Time for a little evasive action. 77 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,754 Hey! 78 00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:33,963 He's turning left! 79 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,974 Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! 80 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,478 I was hoping it wouldn't come to this 81 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,104 but you guys asked for it. 82 00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,153 Can't you read?! 83 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,030 Call the police! 84 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:03,493 Hey, Dad. 85 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,161 Looking good, son. 86 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,788 Hey! What happened to your belt? 87 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:09,290 {\an8}Some bullies beat me up and took it. 88 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:12,085 Son, there's only one thing punks like that understand-- 89 00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,336 squealing. 90 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,672 You've got to squeal to every teacher 91 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,548 and every grown-up you can find. 92 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,467 Coming to me was a good start. 93 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,720 But then they'll just beat me up even worse! 94 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:26,099 Yes. They are a clever bunch. 95 00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:29,477 I know. I'll squeal for you-- to their parents. 96 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,729 (grunting) 97 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,356 JIMBO'S FATHER: That's for telling me how to raise my lousy kid. 98 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,566 And this is for the crummy life 99 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:36,609 I've had to live. 100 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,695 The thing is-- (grunts) 101 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,364 Bart really loves that belt, and-- 102 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,865 Hey, something's wrong with this guy. 103 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,450 He's not falling down! 104 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,661 -(shotgun cocking) -MOE: Fun's over, fellas. 105 00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:48,955 If you're gonna beat up my friend in my bar 106 00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:51,332 there's a two-drink minimum. 107 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,836 Geez, Homer, I never seen 108 00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:57,338 a guy stand up to that kind of punishment. 109 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,465 I mean, you took a three-man pounding 110 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,467 and didn't even fall down. 111 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,470 Big deal. I didn't even get my kid's belt back. 112 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,140 The only thing a loser like me is good for 113 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,516 is taking beatings. 114 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,768 There you go! That's the spirit! 115 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,437 Homer, I've seen prizefighters 116 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,356 couldn't take a punch half as good as you. 117 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,067 You know, boxing might be right up your alley. 118 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,111 -Really? -Oh, please! 119 00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:21,195 It's the good life, Homer. 120 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,156 Some of these boxers 121 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:25,950 they eat steak and lobster and salad bar 122 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,201 all in a single meal. 123 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,037 (gasps) Dressing? 124 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,289 Their choice. 125 00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,291 You really think I could do it? 126 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,168 Well, I don't know. 127 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,919 Are you man enough to test every one of your limits? 128 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,505 -Yes. -And are you man enough 129 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,090 to throw a punch, should the opportunity arise? 130 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,092 -Yes! -And are you 131 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,344 man enough to give me a 60% cut? 132 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,845 -Yes! -I'll take it. 133 00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,305 Woo-hoo! 134 00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:51,601 MOE: Now Homer, 135 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,019 if I'm going to manage your boxing career, 136 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,312 I want you to have complete faith in me. 137 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,230 Here, let me show you something. 138 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,358 Wow, I've never been in here before. 139 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,109 Yeah, well, when I realized 140 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,487 we hadn't had no ladies in here since 1979 141 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,030 I turned it into an office. 142 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:09,327 You used to be a boxer just like me? 143 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,287 Yep. They called me "Kid Gorgeous." 144 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,623 Later on, it was "Kid Presentable." 145 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:14,957 Then "Kid Gruesome," 146 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,292 and finally, "Kid Moe." 147 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,752 Hey, what's this? 148 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:20,129 Aw, that's my old spit bucket. 149 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:23,299 Yeah, I've been meaning to empty that out. 150 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,802 (gasps) You know Lucius Sweet?! 151 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,304 He's one of the biggest names in boxing. 152 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,598 He's exactly as rich and as famous 153 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:33,434 as Don King and he looks just like him too. 154 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,061 Yeah, he was my manager. 155 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:37,855 Back when I was gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me, 156 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,774 but somehow I just never made it to the big time. 157 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:41,192 Why not? 158 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:43,194 'Cause I got knocked out 40 times in a row. 159 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:45,655 That plus politics. You know, it's all politics. 160 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,240 Lousy Democrats. 161 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:49,200 (Marge growling) 162 00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:51,577 Homer, of all the crazy ideas you've had 163 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,539 this one ranks somewhere in the middle. 164 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:55,873 You're 38 years old. 165 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,500 You don't know how to box 166 00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,711 and you haven't gotten any exercise since grade school. 167 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:03,673 Before you even consider this, I insist you consult a doctor. 168 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:06,551 No problemo. 169 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,094 A competent doctor! 170 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,554 HOMER: D'oh! 171 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,931 Well, sir, you more than meet 172 00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:14,392 every one of this state's requirements 173 00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,686 to box, wrestle or be shot out of a cannon. 174 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,688 (growling) That's what we get 175 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,315 for living in a state founded by circus freaks. 176 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,193 You have an absolutely unique genetic condition 177 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,320 known as "Homer Simpson syndrome." 178 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,947 Oh, why me?! 179 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,449 Don't worry, it's quite beneficial. 180 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,617 Your brain is cushioned by a layer of fluid 181 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,578 one-eighth of an inch thicker than normal. 182 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,413 It's almost as if you're wearing 183 00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:36,998 a football helmet inside your head. 184 00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:40,668 Why, I could wallop you all day with this surgical 2x4 185 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:44,505 without ever knocking you down, but I have other appointments. 186 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:48,134 All right, Homer let's see the left. 187 00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:49,427 (grunts) 188 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,930 O-kay. 189 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,015 Let's see the right. 190 00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:55,558 (panting) 191 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:56,642 Just a second. 192 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:57,727 When you're ready. 193 00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,020 All right. 194 00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:00,354 I'm ready. 195 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,439 Wait a minute. 196 00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,607 All right. 197 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:05,401 Wait a minute. Just a second. 198 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,446 Okay, punching isn't your thing, but that's okay. 199 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:09,906 You're not that kind of fighter. 200 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,407 What you're going to do is stand there 201 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,327 while your opponent gets exhausted from overpunching. 202 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,078 Then I can just push him over. 203 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,830 That's right, and if the ref's not looking 204 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,749 you can kick him a couple of times. 205 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,710 -Who's gonna knock you down? -No one. 206 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:24,587 -When are you gonna fight back? -Never! 207 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,589 -What are you gonna do? -Nothing! 208 00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:27,673 That's my boy! 209 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:33,471 Man, you'd never get me into a ring. 210 00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,848 Boxing causes brain damage. 211 00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,645 Okay, you're fighting a guy named Boxcar Bob. 212 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:43,231 Brawled his way up from the boxcars, did he? 213 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:44,482 No, not yet. 214 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,442 He still lives at the train yard 215 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,486 but he's a hungry young fighter. 216 00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:51,614 In fact, he's actually fighting for a sandwich. 217 00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:55,159 Homer, I want you to have my lucky mitts. 218 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,912 I hope you do better with them than I did. 219 00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,121 Gee, thanks, Moe. 220 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,456 What's this? 221 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,707 Ah, that's the barbed wire. 222 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,043 We called that "the stinger." 223 00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:06,379 They don't let you use that no more. 224 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,340 Now, no matter how much he hits you, 225 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:11,050 you don't do nothing, okay? 226 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,301 You don't want to get drawn 227 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,803 into a boxing match here. 228 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,892 (bell rings) 229 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,608 Way to go, Dad! Take those punches! 230 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,735 Man, that tramp's got the energy of a hobo. 231 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,445 Yeah, he never stops punching 232 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,281 except to check out his bindle. 233 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,793 Okay, Homer, he's tired. He's tired. 234 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:49,005 Now's your chance. Nudge him, nudge him. 235 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,257 (cheering) 236 00:09:56,596 --> 00:10:00,349 ♪♪ 237 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:11,360 ♪♪ 238 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,730 Hello, Moe. 239 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:50,983 Delightful to see you again. 240 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:54,737 Lucius! Hey, what's a glitterati like you doing in my dump? 241 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,947 I thought you were managing the champ. 242 00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,202 Yes, managing Drederick has been my highest priority 243 00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:03,663 even though he is temporarily incarcerated 244 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,831 for pushing his mother down the stairs, 245 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,833 but with his impending release 246 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:10,336 I've been strategizing for his glorious return 247 00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:11,879 to the shores of fistiana. 248 00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,798 Uh... what? 249 00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,549 His comeback fight. 250 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,093 You know-- boxing? 251 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,761 Oh, man. Yeah. 252 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,681 Well, who's donating his body for that one, huh? 253 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:25,643 Well, word is you manage a stalwart young pugilist 254 00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,520 who cannot be knocked down. 255 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:28,854 Homer? 256 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,564 You want Homer to fight Tatum? 257 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:33,484 Well, the fans are weary of fights that are over 258 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,194 before they have an opportunity 259 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,321 to even get drunk. 260 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,572 I just need a body 261 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,491 who can sustain verticality 262 00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:41,909 for three rounds. 263 00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,953 Yeah, but Homer's no boxer. 264 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,705 He's just a freak. 265 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,331 Tatum will fustigate him. 266 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,125 Well, fustigation aside, Moe, 267 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,793 you've got a choice. 268 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,962 You can either sit here in the ladies' room 269 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,797 with your faded memories, 270 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,718 or you can take your last shot at the big time 271 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,511 and I can make it happen. 272 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:01,846 (jingling) 273 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,432 Three rounds. That's all I ask. 274 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,568 I got to be honest with you, Homer. 275 00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:18,738 I didn't bring you up here to show you my new tar paper. 276 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:19,739 You didn't? 277 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,741 No. Homer, how would you like 278 00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:23,868 to be heavyweight champion of the world? 279 00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:25,453 -Oh, sure. -Great. 280 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,997 All you got to do is fight Drederick Tatum. 281 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,707 It's this Saturday. Here's your parking pass. 282 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,876 Ooh. "General." 283 00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:33,878 Who's Drederick Tatum, anyway? 284 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:36,005 -Is he another hobo? -Uh... you know what? 285 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,965 I'm gonna have to check on that. 286 00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:39,508 Well, I trust you, Moe. 287 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,968 If you say I can beat this guy 288 00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,845 then he doesn't stand a chance. 289 00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:45,931 (alarm wailing) 290 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,517 (shouting) 291 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,311 Hey, guys, come on. Shut up. 292 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:51,771 (silence) 293 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,773 We didn't know you were here. 294 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,358 -Sorry, champ. -It was Jerry. 295 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,740 MAN 1: Champ, champ. 296 00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:04,492 Do you feel remorse for your crime? 297 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,410 Oh, yes. Believe me, my God, 298 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:09,455 if I could turn back the clock on my mother's stair pushing, 299 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:11,332 I would certainly reconsider it. 300 00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:14,418 MAN 2: Drederick, what do you think of Homer Simpson? 301 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:15,461 I think he's a good man, I like him. 302 00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:17,254 I got nothing against him, 303 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,256 but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children. 304 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,342 MAN 3: You know, they do have a mother, champ. 305 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:24,136 Yes, but I would imagine that she would die of grief. 306 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,513 (reporters shouting) 307 00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,056 Thank you, thank you 308 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,683 but the champ has no time for further queries. 309 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,644 This parole hearing is over. 310 00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,312 (reporters groaning) 311 00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:35,856 {\an8}I wanted to know what it was like in prison. 312 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,902 Homer, why are they saying 313 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,696 you're going to fight Drederick Tatum? 314 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:43,948 (gulps) 315 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:46,867 Uh... well... 316 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:50,579 I was gonna surprise you, but... 317 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,122 happy anniversary, baby! 318 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,916 Have you lost your mind?! 319 00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:55,543 Oh, come on! 320 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,586 I'll make a fortune for one night's work. 321 00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,339 We can have all the things we always dreamed of-- 322 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,174 a snooty butler, carpeted carports, 323 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,718 those blue cupcakes they sell sometimes-- 324 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:05,970 But you'll get killed. 325 00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,680 Marge, will you let me finish? 326 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,223 Plug-in room deodorizers, 327 00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,475 front and rear spoilers for the car. 328 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:12,935 Mom's right, Dad. 329 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:15,646 The odds against you winning are a thousand to one. 330 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:17,147 I don't think it's that unlikely. 331 00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,149 Those are the odds they're giving in Vegas. 332 00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,609 All right 333 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,821 I think we've heard just about enough 334 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,698 from Mr. Newspaper today. 335 00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:29,326 MAN: Society put Drederick Tatum away 336 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,245 for his brutal crime, 337 00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:33,289 but he's paid his debt, 338 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:36,208 and now he's going to get revenge 339 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,210 on Homer Simpson. 340 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,465 BOTH: Yay! 341 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,968 That's your daddy. 342 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,140 T-shirts. Get your T-shirts. 343 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:55,185 Tell them where you've been by wearing a T-shirt. 344 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,896 BART: You'll be okay, Dad. 345 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,607 Just make sure he hits you an even number of times 346 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,191 so you don't end up with amnesia. 347 00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:09,700 Moe, I'm so glad I found you. 348 00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:12,328 Please, promise me you won't let Homer get hurt. 349 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,413 Hey, I'm not the villain here, okay? 350 00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:15,956 If Homer gets killed in the ring tonight, 351 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,541 it will be because of your negative attitude. 352 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,461 -There, I said it. -Listen to me! 353 00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,338 The instant that Homer's in any kind of danger, 354 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:23,881 I want you to throw in this towel 355 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,341 and stop the fight! 356 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:28,010 All right, all right, all right, I promise, okay? 357 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:30,137 Thank you. 358 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,238 Celebrities at ringside tonight: 359 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:49,990 star of the "McBain" action films 360 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:53,410 and feature player in the Hollywood prostitution scandal, 361 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,329 Rainier Wolfcastle! 362 00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:59,416 TV anchorman and Springfield institution, 363 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,251 Mr. Kent Brockman! 364 00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,045 (crowd booing) 365 00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,547 This just in: Go to hell. 366 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,759 From the world of organized crime, 367 00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:12,930 say hello to Anthony "Fat Tony" D'Amico! 368 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,516 And the ruiner of events worldwide-- 369 00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:18,936 title fights, the Super Bowl and the Nixon funeral-- 370 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:22,690 ladies and gentlemen, the Fan Man. 371 00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:25,943 Ah, cripes. 372 00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,987 Now I've got to comb this side over. 373 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,575 All right, Homer, I'm not gonna lie to you-- 374 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,245 there's a good chance you can beat Tatum 375 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:39,581 but you've got to visualize how you're gonna win, okay? 376 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,874 Gotcha. 377 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,918 (crowd cheering) 378 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:46,547 A congenital heart defect has apparently felled Tatum 379 00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:49,591 moments before he could step into the ring. 380 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,845 And now, please welcome back into decent society, 381 00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:55,264 ladies and gentlemen, 382 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:59,184 the heavyweight champion of the world, 383 00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:02,187 Drederick Tatum! 384 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,480 (cheering) 385 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,900 ♪♪ (rap) 386 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:10,654 Let's get ready to rumble! 387 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,823 ♪ In this corner we have the full-body snatcher ♪ 388 00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:14,825 ♪ P-funkadelic and I gotcha ♪ 389 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,244 ♪ Hard enough that I could chew a whole bag of rock ♪ 390 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,079 {\an8}♪ Chew an avenue chew an off street ♪ 391 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:21,498 ANNOUNCER: And to challenge the irresistible force 392 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:22,875 of Tatum 393 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:24,668 we have the immovable object. 394 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:27,921 He's been called "the brick hithouse" 395 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:30,841 and is also known as "the southern dandy," 396 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:34,845 Homer Simpson! 397 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:37,056 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 398 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,516 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 399 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,019 ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ 400 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:44,063 Your boy looks a little soft, Moe. 401 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:47,483 You do remember our arrangement? 402 00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:48,942 Yeah, don't worry. 403 00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,569 You'll get your three rounds. 404 00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,154 Stupendous. 405 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,280 Because if he goes down before that bell rings, 406 00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:55,199 your future's going with him. 407 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,993 Okey-doke. Future down the crapper. Gotcha. 408 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,703 Due to popular demand, 409 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:02,456 we will forgo our national anthem. 410 00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:05,501 And now, ladies and gentlemen 411 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:09,713 l-l-l-let's get ready to rumb-l-l-le! 412 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,256 -(cheering) -(bell dings) 413 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,765 Okay, Homer, nothing to be worried about. Just-- 414 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,726 (crowd gasps) 415 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,896 Wow! I've never seen Dad hit somebody like that before. 416 00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:27,940 What are you talking about? 417 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,067 Isn't Dad the one in the black trunks? 418 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,944 -No. -Uh-oh. 419 00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:33,904 What, what, what am I missing? What? 420 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:36,698 ANNOUNCER: And there's Tatum showboating for the crowd. 421 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,748 Geez, only six seconds in. 422 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,376 Attaboy, Homer. Keep dancing. 423 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:50,796 ANNOUNCER: Showing utter disdain for his opponent's abilities, 424 00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,881 Tatum is taking a short, midround breather 425 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,883 to converse with actor Charlie Sheen. 426 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,261 You know what's great there is the sea bass. 427 00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,721 They do it blackened or sauteed. It's stupendous. 428 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,473 Okay, break it up, break it up, you two. 429 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:04,977 MARGE: Homer! 430 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,312 Homer, he's not going to get tired. 431 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,273 You've got to hit him back. 432 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,150 Hit him back! 433 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,944 HOMER: That cactus is right. 434 00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:16,196 I've only got one chance. 435 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,282 I've got to knock him out. 436 00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:30,127 D-o-h-h-h-h! 437 00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:31,879 Hang in there, Homer. 438 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,297 Only 440 more seconds. 439 00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:35,382 He's getting his second wind. 440 00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:37,342 No. He's getting killed. 441 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,678 He's gonna die on his feet. 442 00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:40,888 I can't watch this. 443 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,681 I've got to get out of here. 444 00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:45,893 Fight! 445 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:50,731 Somebody stop the fight! 446 00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,566 Where's the doctor?! 447 00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:54,318 {\an8}Kill him! Kill him! 448 00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:57,696 ANNOUNCER: It looks like it's all over. 449 00:19:57,779 --> 00:19:59,573 Tatum wants to finish this with one punch, 450 00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:02,284 and here it comes. 451 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,244 (heart beating slowly) 452 00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,170 ANNOUNCER: Oh, my God! 453 00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:15,214 Simpson's manager 454 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:18,467 has flown into the ring and is airlifting him out. 455 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:19,927 Ladies and gentlemen, 456 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,888 whatever dignity remained in boxing 457 00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:25,724 is literally flying out the window. 458 00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:26,934 Are you an angel? 459 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,769 Yes, Homer, I'm an angel. 460 00:20:28,852 --> 00:20:30,854 All us angels wear Farah slacks. 461 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,731 But you stopped the fight. 462 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,942 Won't everyone be mad at you? 463 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,151 Let them be mad. 464 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,528 The only thing that matters to me 465 00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:39,738 is you're safe. 466 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:40,781 D'oh! 467 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:42,157 Sorry. 468 00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,331 Homer, your manager 469 00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:51,208 obviously loves you very much. 470 00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:54,419 Lucius, would you do that for me? 471 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,879 Absolutely, I would. 472 00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:57,256 Now get in the van. 473 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:02,552 You couldn't even give me one lousy round, Moe. 474 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,388 You will always be a loser. 475 00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:06,765 Now take your check for $100,000 476 00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:08,642 and get out of my sight. 477 00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:10,936 I don't need your stinking money. 478 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,399 Oh, Homie, are you okay? 479 00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:18,819 I can't remember where we parked. 480 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:20,404 That's all right. 481 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:22,864 We'll just wait till everyone else leaves. 482 00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:24,574 I got your tooth, Dad. 483 00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:28,787 Uh, not mine. 484 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,247 Thank you, Moe. 485 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:32,833 I know you gave up your dreams for Homer. 486 00:21:32,916 --> 00:21:35,961 Well, what do dreams matter, Marge? 487 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:38,839 I was able to stick up for a pal. 488 00:21:38,922 --> 00:21:40,799 Well, so long, Springfield. 489 00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:41,842 Where are you going? 490 00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:44,594 Nowheres in particular. 491 00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:46,388 I just need some time to think. 492 00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:50,225 Hey, there you are! 493 00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:51,852 You give me that contraption back! 494 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:56,565 {\an8}♪ People who need people ♪ 495 00:21:56,648 --> 00:22:03,071 {\an8}♪ Are the luckiest people ♪ 496 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:08,577 {\an8}♪ In the world ♪ 497 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:13,415 {\an8}♪ With one person ♪ 498 00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:18,211 {\an8}♪ One very special person ♪ 499 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:28,263 {\an8}♪ They're the luckiest people ♪ 500 00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:31,266 {\an8}♪ In the world ♪♪ 501 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,318 Shh! 502 00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:46,698 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.