1
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,297
{\an8}<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,427
D'oh!

3
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:11,469
(screams)

4
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,069
<i>♪ They fight and fight ♪</i>

5
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,321
<i>♪ They fight and fight</i>
<i>and fight ♪</i>

6
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,824
BOTH:
Dad! V-chip! V-chip!

7
00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,325
Sorry, sorry. My fault.

8
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,661
<i>♪ ...Scratchy show! ♪</i>

9
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:42,542
{\an8}(sniffling)

10
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,628
{\an8}(gasps)

11
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,600
<i>ANNOUNCER: We interrupt this cartoon</i>
<i>for a special report.</i>

12
00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,560
Someone found my keys.

13
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,562
<i>Kent Brockman</i>
<i>at the action news desk.</i>

14
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:03,688
<i>A massive tanker has</i>
<i>run aground</i>

15
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,565
<i>on the central coastline</i>

16
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:08,109
<i>spilling millions of gallons</i>
<i>of oil on Baby Seal Beach.</i>

17
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:09,861
{\an8}Oh, no!

18
00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:11,446
{\an8}It will be okay, honey.

19
00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,656
{\an8}There's lots more oil
where that came from.

20
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,366
{\an8}<i>Preliminary reports</i>
<i>indicated</i>

21
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:18,036
{\an8}<i>the ship's captain</i>
<i>was drunk at the helm.</i>

22
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,872
{\an8}<i>Those reports</i>
<i>were later confirmed.</i>

23
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:24,542
{\an8}<i>Arr. I'm in a lot</i>
<i>of trouble now...</i>

24
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,585
{\an8}<i>Hey, I'll give you</i>
<i>a hundred bucks</i>

25
00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:27,128
{\an8}<i>to take the blame.</i>

26
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,422
{\an8}<i>A clean-up effort</i>
<i>is already underway</i>

27
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,924
{\an8}<i>and as always,</i>
<i>the first to pitch in</i>

28
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,301
{\an8}<i>are those unsung heroes</i>

29
00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:35,261
{\an8}<i>Hollywood movie stars.</i>

30
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:38,056
{\an8}<i>(barking)</i>

31
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:40,308
{\an8}<i>This isn't about publicity.</i>

32
00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,352
{\an8}<i>This is about</i>
<i>cleaning off gunk.</i>

33
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,355
{\an8}<i>As a golden globe nominee,</i>
<i>I just think it's our duty</i>

34
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,941
{\an8}<i>to make the real globe</i>
<i>a little more golden.</i>

35
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,488
{\an8}LISA: We'd be doing our part
for the environment.

36
00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:57,075
{\an8}Plus, we'd get to clean up
all those cute animals.

37
00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:59,119
{\an8}Honey, we don't need
to drive 400 miles

38
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,537
{\an8}to clean animals.

39
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,705
{\an8}You can stay right here
and give the dog a bath

40
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,041
{\an8}or trim the cat's nails.

41
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,212
Oh, Mom, please.

42
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,380
You can make
this my birthday

43
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,340
and Christmas presents.

44
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:15,009
You've already used up your
birthday and Christmas presents

45
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,719
on that peach tree
we got you

46
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,389
and you hardly ever play
with that anymore.

47
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,559
{\an8}Yes, I do.
Sure, I do. Look.

48
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:28,606
<i>♪ Here I am playing on</i>
<i>my peach tree, Mom ♪</i>

49
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:31,192
Oh, all right,
we'll go.

50
00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:35,864
Now, the cat needs
his medication every morning.

51
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,699
No problem.
Can do.

52
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,450
The furnace has been giving off
a lot of carbon monoxide...

53
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:40,618
-Gotcha.
-So keep the window open.

54
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:43,121
Cat in the furnace.

55
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,539
Uh, you know,

56
00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:47,542
I think I'll take
Maggie with us.

57
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,461
And if anything happens,
just use your best judgm--

58
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:51,796
Mmm...

59
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,881
Just do what I would do.

60
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,386
BOTH: Woo-hoo!

61
00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:02,223
A whole week of just
father and son.

62
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,266
See you at dinner.

63
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,560
(both whistling)

64
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:06,811
What time?

65
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,938
You know...
I don't know.

66
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,815
Shall we say 10:00?

67
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,443
All right,
just wake me up.

68
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,403
(crunching)

69
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:18,156
You know,
Bart, I saw this one.

70
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,283
(mumbling)

71
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,410
ANNOUNCER: <i>Live,</i>
<i>from the grand ballroom</i>

72
00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:24,287
<i>of the Hapsburg</i>
<i>imperial palace</i>

73
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,290
<i>it's the world series</i>
<i>of bumper cars.</i>

74
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:28,750
More food.

75
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,252
BART: Dad, do I have
to brush my teeth?

76
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,754
HOMER: No.

77
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,297
But at least rinse
your mouth out with soda.

78
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,298
(pop-top opening)

79
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:37,300
(gargling)

80
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,015
I'm going to rescue
a baby seal

81
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,642
and then I'm going
to save an otter.

82
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,019
Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry,
but all the animals

83
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:51,814
have already been
reserved for celebrities.

84
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:56,486
There. That's 104 pounds
of sandpipers.

85
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:58,696
You mean there's
nothing left to clean?

86
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,365
Well, there are rocks.

87
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,075
Thousands and thousands
of rocks.

88
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:07,163
I've got rocks
that need washing at home.

89
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,543
Geez, look at this place.

90
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,128
We got to do something.

91
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,588
Hmm, garbage angels?

92
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:22,553
(both laughing)

93
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:30,228
Dad, I think I need
some fresh air.

94
00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,479
Can I go to the park?

95
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:32,605
Do I have
to sit up?

96
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:33,648
No.

97
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,732
Knock yourself out.

98
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,527
(engine buzzing)

99
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,576
Milhouse,
this is boring.

100
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,453
Make it crash
or something.

101
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,081
Perfectly level flying
is the supreme challenge

102
00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:51,291
of the scale-model pilot.

103
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:54,002
-Give me that.
-Hey!

104
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,712
(engine buzzing)

105
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:01,884
(gasps)

106
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,219
Ah! It's gaining on us!

107
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,971
I'm pedaling backwards.

108
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,264
Abandon ship!

109
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,727
I don't like being
outdoors, Smithers.

110
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,646
For one thing, there are
too many fat children.

111
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:14,981
(gasps)

112
00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,280
(engine sputtering)

113
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,536
Thanks a lot.

114
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:30,330
Now it's stuck
on that haunted house.

115
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,873
I heard a witch
lives there.

116
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:35,043
I heard a Frankenstein
lives there.

117
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:36,961
You guys are way off.

118
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,546
It's a secret lab where they
take the brains out of zombies

119
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:40,548
and put them in the heads
of other zombies

120
00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:43,301
to create a race
of super-zombies.

121
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:45,136
That's the house?!

122
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,347
(blows raspberry)
Stand aside, wussies.

123
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,765
(bell rings)

124
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,683
WOMAN:
<i>Go away.</i>

125
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,644
<i>No children.</i>

126
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:54,645
Enough talk.

127
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,284
(humming fanfare)

128
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:12,330
S-u-c-c-e-e-s, that's the way
you spell succ--

129
00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,624
(screaming)

130
00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:21,130
(gasping)

131
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,259
(laughing)
No, no.

132
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,011
H-help, h-help.

133
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,305
I'm gonna die.

134
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,807
(screams)

135
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,601
(groaning)

136
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,234
Oh, no!
The witch has Bart!

137
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,152
We've got to hurry.

138
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,278
(all screaming)

139
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:48,116
(doorbell rings)

140
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,576
HOMER:
Just a minute.

141
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:51,577
(paper tearing)

142
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:56,624
Hello?

143
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:59,085
Your son was trespassing
on my property

144
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:02,713
and destroyed a very valuable
stone gargoyle and--

145
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,465
Are you wearing a grocery bag?

146
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,634
I have misplaced
my pants.

147
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,386
I'm not going
to press charges

148
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,221
but I assume you'll
wanna punish him.

149
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,681
(laughing) Yeah,

150
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,308
appreciate the suggestion,
lady, but he hates that.

151
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,852
And I got to live with him.

152
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,437
You're the man, Homer.

153
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,397
Well, if you won't
discipline him,

154
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,357
I'll come back and
speak with his mother.

155
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,650
No, wait, wait.

156
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:25,278
Madam, I run a house
of discipline.

157
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,738
The boy will be disciplined
and disciplined severely.

158
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:30,199
Good day.

159
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,701
Oh, I don't know how
to punish you.

160
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,411
What does Marge
usually do?

161
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:34,954
She makes me taste beer.

162
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:36,247
Come on, boy.

163
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:37,957
Give your old man
a little credit.

164
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:41,586
Yeah, well, I still
get to punish you.

165
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,382
Now, you're going to do
chores for that lady

166
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,176
until you work off
the damage you did.

167
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,803
It's called
responsibility.

168
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:51,846
(crunching)

169
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:52,847
(screams)

170
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,015
(tires squealing)

171
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,646
(doorbell rings)

172
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,067
Come on in, Bart.

173
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,444
I can't believe

174
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:07,904
I've got to spend
all my free time

175
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,822
dusting doilies in a smelly,
run-down dump

176
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,365
for a creepy old witch.

177
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,868
<i>♪♪ (cancan)</i>

178
00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,834
Lady, I got to tell you--

179
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,212
I have been grossly
misinformed

180
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,254
about witches.

181
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,928
Wow, man, what
is this place?

182
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,847
I prefer not
to be called "Man."

183
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,390
My name is Belle

184
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,935
and this is
the Maison Derriere.

185
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,479
That means the, uh,
"Back house."

186
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:42,688
Are you having a party
or something?

187
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,023
Nonstop.

188
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,775
We're a burlesque house--

189
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,694
A private club where gentlemen
can play some cards

190
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:49,737
and see a show.

191
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,405
Miss Belle,

192
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,282
we're about to do our
"Around the World" number,

193
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,868
but Monte Carlo
can't find her dice.

194
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,370
Here you go, darlin'.

195
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,247
Normally, we don't allow
children in here

196
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,666
but your father
was so insistent.

197
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:02,792
He's tough but fair.

198
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,752
I'll start sorting these bras.

199
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:07,171
That's a bit advanced
for you.

200
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:08,756
But I know
a stopped-up sink

201
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,132
that needs
some attention.

202
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,301
Just glad to be on the team.

203
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,428
BELLE:
When you work the door

204
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,430
the main things are
to greet the visitors

205
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:17,848
and toss out
the troublemakers.

206
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,517
Oh, the ol' greet 'n' toss.

207
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,685
No <i>problemo.</i>

208
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,770
How did I ever get along
without you?

209
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,067
(whistling)

210
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:31,279
Oop.

211
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,992
Is your name Bart?

212
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,578
-Mm-hmm.
-What the--

213
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,663
Does your father know
you're working here?

214
00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:41,956
It was his idea.

215
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,374
In that case
I'll have a whiskey sour.

216
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,670
Oh, there's something
unsatisfying

217
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,255
about scrubbing
these rocks

218
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:52,466
and I think I know
what it is.

219
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,927
Lisa, I know
it's frustrating

220
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,597
but we made a commitment
and we have to see it through

221
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,391
no matter how unpleasant.

222
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:01,892
Quitting time. Okay.

223
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,520
Scrub up and head
for the communal tarp.

224
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,314
We're having
kelpburgers

225
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,649
and we're going to watch
a tape of Johnny Arvik.

226
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,276
He's the eskimo comedian.

227
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,823
Faster, Mom, faster.

228
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:21,454
Oh, that was
our emcee, Mel Zetz.

229
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:24,248
He got out of bed too fast
and broke his hip.

230
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,459
So who's going to warm up
the crowd tonight?

231
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,586
Well, whoever fits
Mel's tuxedo.

232
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:29,754
Eep!

233
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,339
The jokes are in
the breast pocket.

234
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:32,840
If you get in trouble,

235
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,175
there's a switch
that makes the bow tie spin.

236
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:39,847
"Heh, nudist colonies
are everywhere these days.

237
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,557
"I'd love to go, but I--

238
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,435
I can't get the wrinkles
out of my birthday suit."

239
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:47,188
(raucous laughter)

240
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,814
"But I got to tell you,

241
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:51,567
"Adam and Eve must have been
the first bookkeepers.

242
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,944
They invented
the loose leaf system."

243
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,238
(raucous laughter)

244
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,657
(chuckling)

245
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,949
If there's
a bad bookkeeping joke

246
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,785
I haven't heard it.

247
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,578
ANNOUNCER:
<i>It's 11:00.</i>

248
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,622
<i>Do you know</i>
<i>where your children are?</i>

249
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:07,291
I told you
last night, no!

250
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,669
Where is Bart anyway?

251
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,796
His dinner's getting
all cold and eaten.

252
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,427
Bart, where are you?

253
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,304
Come on!

254
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:22,598
I have to be up at 6:00 a.m.
to swipe Flanders' newspaper.

255
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,600
What the--

256
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,894
"President Eisenhower
celebrates

257
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,896
"40th wedding anniversary.

258
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,857
Not pictured, Mrs. Eisenhower."

259
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:32,858
I'm sorry.

260
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,527
This is all my fault.

261
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:35,945
Bart was filling in--

262
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,531
I don't care if he
was filling for Mel Zetz.

263
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:40,700
He's my son and I don't
want him working...

264
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,661
so... late... that...

265
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:44,954
Oh, I agree.

266
00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,747
Kids need rules
and boundaries.

267
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,750
Yes, everyone
loves rules.

268
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,502
It's so tough to be
a parent these days

269
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:54,255
what with all the gangs
and the drugs...

270
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,549
Oh, yeah, drugs.
You gotta have drugs.

271
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,175
Hey, he didn't pay the cover.

272
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,428
Oh, Bart,
he's your father.

273
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,595
We'll comp him
tonight.

274
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:02,847
Start a tab
tomorrow.

275
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:08,394
Oh, I hope I didn't miss
the floor show.

276
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,729
-Nope.
-Is Roxanne back?

277
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:10,896
Yup.

278
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,148
Did she, uh,
get my flowers?

279
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,650
-She did.
-I--

280
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,943
Hello, Bart.

281
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,778
Hello,
Principal Skinner.

282
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:20,865
This is the National Air
and Space Museum, isn't it?

283
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,450
(doorbell rings)

284
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,913
Uh, this isn't going to be
about Jesus, is it?

285
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,915
All things
are about Jesus, Homer.

286
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,500
Except this.

287
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,712
Your son has been working
in a burlesque house.

288
00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:37,381
Principal Skinner
saw him with his own eyes.

289
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,467
That's true,
but I was only in there

290
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,510
to get directions on how
to get away from there.

291
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,387
Helen,
as a responsible parent

292
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,514
I was already
well aware of that.

293
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,017
Homer, I'm as permissive
as the next parent.

294
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,311
I mean, just yesterday
I let Todd buy some red hots

295
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,146
with a cartoon
devil on the box

296
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,398
but you can't possibly
think it's appropriate

297
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,358
for your ten-year-old son

298
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,943
to work in
a burlesque house.

299
00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:00,654
Oh, no?
Well, if Homer Simpson

300
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:03,115
wants his ten-year-old son
working in a burlesque house,

301
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,242
then Homer Simpson's
ten-year-old son

302
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,661
is going to work
in a burlesque house!

303
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:08,704
That...

304
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:09,789
(nervous laugh)

305
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,540
Hi.

306
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,460
Now, Marge, you're gonna hear
a lot of crazy talk

307
00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:16,796
about Bart working
in a burlesque house...

308
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,510
"Maison Derriere"?

309
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,428
I can't believe
there's a place

310
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,348
like that in our
wholesome little town.

311
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,225
Homer, did you know it
was a burlesque house

312
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,851
when you sent Bart
to work there?

313
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,270
No. I only learned that
four days ago.

314
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:37,024
What were you thinking sending
Bart to such an awful place?

315
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:41,487
I was trying to punish him
exactly like you would.

316
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,822
So, in a way

317
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,657
you really dropped
the ball on this one.

318
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,158
This is your mess

319
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,494
and I'll be damned
if I'm gonna clean it up.

320
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:51,705
(grumbles)

321
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,582
Please come in,
Mrs. Simpson.

322
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,918
How can I be of service?

323
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,254
I have a favor to ask.

324
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,964
Please shut
this place down

325
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,799
and move away
from Springfield.

326
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,634
Oh, honey,
you can't be serious.

327
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:05,845
Springfield doesn't
want places like this.

328
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,222
I think I know what
Springfield wants, sugar.

329
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:12,351
Oh? I've lived in this town
for 37 years.

330
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,019
I've lived here 52 years.

331
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,063
-I'm third generation.
-Sixth.

332
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:18,440
Get out of my town!

333
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,235
Listen, darling, we're just
as much a part of Springfield

334
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:24,530
as the church, the library
or the crazy house,

335
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:27,950
so I think I'll stay
right here... neighbor.

336
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,451
Is that so?

337
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,705
Well, sleazy entertainment
and raunchy jokes

338
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:36,834
will never be as popular
as sobriety and self-denial.

339
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,419
You're about to learn

340
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,004
the two most
dangerous words

341
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:43,424
in the English language
are "Marge Simpson."

342
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,219
It's the light
pink '87 wagon.

343
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,014
And after visiting
the area for, uh,

344
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,640
the past two months

345
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,143
I have determined it is
not feasible to construct

346
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:57,354
a super-train between
Springfield and Aruba.

347
00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:58,981
(dejected groaning)

348
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,817
Next on the agenda is, uh...

349
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,069
The Citizens' Committee
on Moral Hygiene.

350
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,821
(dejected groaning)

351
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,160
I'm here to share
my moral outrage

352
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,703
but this time it's not about

353
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,830
that giant inflatable
Dos Equis bottle.

354
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:18,042
It's about a certain house
in our town.

355
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:20,085
What's wrong with this house?
Is it the plumbing?

356
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:25,841
No. It's a house of ill fame,
a house of loose ethics.

357
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,885
Is there a building code
violation?

358
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:28,928
A drainage issue?

359
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,012
A surveying error?

360
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,056
The house is perfectly fine.

361
00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,766
Well, then quit bad-mouthing
the house.

362
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,893
Yeah. Leave
the house alone.

363
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:39,813
Oh, geez, it's what's inside
the house that's disgraceful--

364
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:42,524
Drinking, gambling
and debauchery.

365
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,778
It's right under our noses--
A secret house

366
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,154
of burlesque.

367
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,864
(gasping)

368
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:49,865
-Oh, my.
-MARGE: That's right.

369
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,158
KARL: That's not good.

370
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,619
People, this is an issue
that we as a town

371
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,204
are strong enough to ignore.

372
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:58,082
Let us give no more scrutiny
to this bawdy house

373
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,918
and its small clientele
of loyal perverts.

374
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,711
Oh, I'm afraid
this problem

375
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,255
goes far beyond
Eugene and Rusty.

376
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,508
(quiet murmuring)

377
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:09,093
Marge, if you please.

378
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:13,764
Julius!

379
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,433
Clancy!

380
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,143
CHALMERS:
Skinner?

381
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,104
-Seymour!
-Mother...

382
00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:21,981
SELMA:
Patty?

383
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:22,982
WOMAN:
Cletus!

384
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,444
Oh. Uh, Barney.

385
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:29,780
Clancy!

386
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,407
Hey, come on!
You did me twice!

387
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,868
Smithers?

388
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,413
My parents insisted
I give it a try, sir.

389
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:38,956
HELEN LOVEJOY:
Mayor Quimby!

390
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,625
Uh, well, that could be
any mayor.

391
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,544
I rest my case.

392
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,797
Er, uh, well...
In light of these new facts,

393
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,216
of which I now realize
I was largely aware,

394
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:50,968
I must take action.

395
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:54,304
All in favor of demolishing
our beloved burlesque house

396
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,806
raise your hands.

397
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,271
(Marge clears throat)

398
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:04,690
Are they talking
about the bordello?

399
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:07,943
No, the burlesque house,
so just keep your mouth shut.

400
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,991
(mob grumbling)

401
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:17,953
Oh, there's no justice
like angry-mob justice.

402
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,080
I'm going to burn
all the historic memorabilias.

403
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,124
I'm going to take
me home a toilet.

404
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,709
Well, there'd
better be two.

405
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:26,879
(doorbell rings)

406
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:28,297
BELLE:
<i>Who is it?</i>

407
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:29,631
Uh, it's an angry mob,
ma'am.

408
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,800
Could you step outside
for a twinkle

409
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,302
while we knock down
your house?

410
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:34,720
<i>Just a minute.</i>

411
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:44,521
Stand aside, you degenerate,
two-bit proprietress.

412
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,066
Don't you call me that.
I'm an entrepreneuse.

413
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,860
Oh, shut up. You're wasting
valuable smashing time.

414
00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:51,361
(yelling)

415
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:56,075
(glass shattering)

416
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,743
Dad, we can't let
this happen to Belle.

417
00:17:57,826 --> 00:17:58,827
Do something.

418
00:17:58,911 --> 00:17:59,828
Don't you worry, son.

419
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:03,248
My friends!

420
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,374
Stop!

421
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,753
Please hurry.

422
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,839
Sure. We could tear
this house down--

423
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,174
-(yelling)
-Yeah! Oh, yeah!

424
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:15,177
No! My friends, stop!

425
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,428
Let me finish.

426
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,722
We could tear it down

427
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:23,852
but we'd be tearing down
a part of ourselves.

428
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,772
<i>♪ You could</i>
<i>close down Moe's ♪</i>

429
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:28,607
<i>♪ Or the Kwik-E-Mart ♪</i>

430
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:32,736
<i>♪ And nobody would care ♪</i>

431
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:37,741
<i>♪ But the heart and soul</i>
<i>of Springfield's in ♪</i>

432
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:42,830
<i>♪ Our Maison Derriere... ♪</i>

433
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:47,835
<i>♪♪ (jazz rhythm)</i>

434
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,503
<i>♪ We're the sauce</i>
<i>on your steak ♪</i>

435
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:52,089
<i>♪ We're the cheese</i>
<i>in your cake ♪</i>

436
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:56,093
<i>♪ We put the "Spring"</i>
<i>in Springfield ♪</i>

437
00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:58,720
<i>♪ We're the lace</i>
<i>on the nightgown ♪</i>

438
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,514
<i>♪ The point</i>
<i>after touchdown ♪</i>

439
00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:04,434
<i>♪ Yes, we put the "Spring"</i>
<i>in Springfield ♪</i>

440
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,645
<i>♪ We're that little</i>
<i>extra spice ♪</i>

441
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,856
<i>♪ That makes existence</i>
<i>extra nice ♪</i>

442
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:13,110
<i>♪ A giddy little thrill</i>
<i>at a reasonable price ♪</i>

443
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,279
<i>♪ Our only</i>
<i>major quarrel's ♪</i>

444
00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:17,531
<i>♪ With your total</i>
<i>lack of morals ♪</i>

445
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,533
<i>♪ Our skimpy costumes</i>
<i>ain't so bad ♪</i>

446
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,660
<i>♪ They seem</i>
<i>to entertain your dad ♪</i>

447
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,291
<i>♪ The gin in your martini ♪</i>

448
00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:29,710
<i>♪ The clams</i>
<i>on your linguine ♪</i>

449
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,128
<i>♪ Yes, we keep the... ♪</i>

450
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,129
(boing)

451
00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:33,755
<i>♪ In Springfield ♪</i>

452
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,549
<i>♪ We remember</i>
<i>our first visit ♪</i>

453
00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,718
<i>♪ The service</i>
<i>was exquisite ♪</i>

454
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,928
<i>♪ Why, Joseph</i>
<i>I had no idea ♪</i>

455
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,472
<i>♪ Come on, now,</i>
<i>you were working here ♪</i>

456
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,266
<i>♪ Without it</i>
<i>we'd have had no fun ♪</i>

457
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,602
<i>♪ Since March of 1961 ♪</i>

458
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,896
<i>♪ To shut them down now</i>
<i>would be twisted ♪</i>

459
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:55,861
<i>♪ We just heard</i>
<i>this place existed... ♪</i>

460
00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:00,991
<i>♪ We're the highlights</i>
<i>in your hairdo ♪</i>

461
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,076
<i>♪ The extra arms</i>
<i>on Vishnu ♪</i>

462
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,871
<i>♪ So don't take the... ♪</i>

463
00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:07,331
(boing)

464
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:10,751
<i>♪ We won't take the... ♪</i>

465
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,002
(penny whistle)

466
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:15,047
<i>♪ Yes, let's keep the... ♪</i>

467
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:21,803
<i>♪ ...in Springfield ♪</i>

468
00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:25,515
(horn honking)

469
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:26,600
(belching)

470
00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:28,352
Well, I'm convinced.

471
00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:30,062
The house stays.

472
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:34,942
This house is a very,
very, very fine house.

473
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,777
Here I come, everybody!

474
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,820
ALL: No! No!

475
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,072
Stop! Stop!

476
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:41,281
What are you
doing, Marge?

477
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:42,658
Didn't you
hear the song?

478
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:44,826
No. I had to go rent
the bulldozer.

479
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,954
Well, we all
changed our minds.

480
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:48,830
Yeah. Now we
love the house.

481
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:51,041
What about the sleaze
and the depravity?

482
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:53,168
It was a very
convincing song, Marge.

483
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,212
Mm-hmm. There were
kicks and everything.

484
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,506
Hmm... Can you sing it again?

485
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,132
I'm sorry.

486
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:01,176
It really was one of those
spur-of-the-moment-type things.

487
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:05,013
Well, I also have
a song to sing.

488
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:08,058
Don't make up your mind
until you hear both songs.

489
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,768
(clearing throat)

490
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:11,019
(coughing)

491
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,396
<i>♪ Morals and ethics ♪</i>

492
00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:14,189
<i>♪ And carnal</i>
<i>forbearance... ♪</i>

493
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,357
(crashing)

494
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,234
(crowd gasping)

495
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:19,069
Uh... sorry.

496
00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,988
Thanks a lot, Marge.

497
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,366
That was our only
burlesque house.

498
00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:27,327
I do love it
when you drop by, Marge.

499
00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:30,205
Next time, why don't we
get together at your house.

500
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,999
I'm so sorry.

501
00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:33,792
How can we ever
make this up to you?

502
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,919
Oh, there's a way, Mom.

503
00:21:38,505 --> 00:21:41,800
So, Twiggy, I hear you
and your husband Woody

504
00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:43,051
just had a baby.

505
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,678
What did you name him?

506
00:21:44,761 --> 00:21:45,887
Chip.

507
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,055
(drum sting)

508
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:48,765
Take it off!

509
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,642
All right, Dad, you've
been warned. Let's go.

510
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:51,810
Hey...

511
00:21:51,893 --> 00:21:53,061
-Come on.
-Easy.

512
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:56,023
{\an8}<i>♪♪</i>

513
00:22:39,733 --> 00:22:41,109
Shh!

514
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:46,865
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