1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,423 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,465 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:10,844 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:12,220 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,140 (shout) 6 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,198 Skinner! 7 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:35,368 {\an8}(gasps) Uh, Superintendent Chalmers! 8 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,953 {\an8}What's wrong? 9 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,997 {\an8}Nothing. I just bought myself a car. 10 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,999 {\an8}Oh. Oh, good. 11 00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,876 {\an8}This will sound crazy 12 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:45,712 {\an8}but at first, I thought I'd enraged you again. 13 00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:47,297 {\an8}-Skinner! -What? What? 14 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:50,008 {\an8}Ah, you're getting paranoid. 15 00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:51,968 {\an8}You know, I used to think a car 16 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,887 {\an8}was just a way of getting from point "A" to point "B" 17 00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:56,931 {\an8}and on weekends, point "C," but that was the old me. 18 00:00:57,015 --> 00:01:02,812 {\an8}That man died the moment I laid eyes on the 1979 Honda Accord. 19 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,898 {\an8}I've always admired car owners, 20 00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,816 {\an8}and I hope to be one myself 21 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,777 {\an8}as soon as I finish paying off Mother. 22 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,987 {\an8}She insists I pay her retroactively 23 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,530 {\an8}for the food I ate as a child. 24 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,908 {\an8}Yeah, yeah. That's unfortunate. 25 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:17,660 {\an8}Well, Seymour, I make superintendent money 26 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,288 {\an8}which amply covers both food and car. 27 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:23,083 {\an8}Holy jumping Caesar's catfish! 28 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,709 {\an8}My "H" has been stolen. 29 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,504 {\an8}Oh, that's how people know it's a Honda. 30 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,130 {\an8}What's the point of having a Honda 31 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,507 {\an8}if you can't show it off? 32 00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:33,301 {\an8}Sir, if you'll just stop yelling at me 33 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:34,886 {\an8}I'm sure I can find a replacement. 34 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:38,807 (grunting) Here we... I'll just... 35 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,850 Hey! Get away from my car! 36 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,060 -Uh-oh. This way. -Uh-oh. 37 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,482 (register bell dings) 38 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:51,903 (chuckling) 39 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:54,322 (whistling) 40 00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:56,282 Eh... morning, Apu. 41 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,826 Good morning. 42 00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,869 One doughnut with sprinkles... 43 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,956 (gasps) Wait a minute, these are not sprinkles, sir. 44 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:04,833 -What do you mean? -You've clearly taken items 45 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:07,335 from the candy rack and placed them on top of the doughnut 46 00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:09,170 in an attempt to pass them off as sprinkles. 47 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,756 Well, it was like that when I got here. 48 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,551 -It really was. -A Mounds bar is not a sprinkle. 49 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,427 A Twizzler is not a sprinkle. 50 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,930 A Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle, sir. 51 00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:21,641 Perhaps in Shangri-La they are, but not here. 52 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:24,477 -(moans) -(bell chimes) 53 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,437 APU: Thank you. Come again. 54 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:29,023 (police radio chatter) 55 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,859 Ah, looks like we put the kibosh 56 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,861 on another two-bit telephone swindle, boys. 57 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:36,156 Frankly, I would have expected better from Jimmy the Scumbag. 58 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,282 Meh. 59 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:44,164 -Hey, what's this thing? -Huh? Well, that's an auto-dialer. 60 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:47,041 This bird was using it to pull a telemarketing scam. 61 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,043 But instead, he's going to rot in the slammer 62 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,587 for the next 20 years. 63 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,714 Bread and water, icy showers, 64 00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:55,049 guards whomping your ass round the clock, 65 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:57,844 and the only way out is suicide. 66 00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:00,471 Telemarketing, eh? 67 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,725 (snickering) 68 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:04,893 Ha-ha! 69 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,896 (boys laughing) 70 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:10,899 Oh, you think this stolen "H" 71 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,984 is a laugh riot, don't you? 72 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,320 Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny. 73 00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,947 Right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home 74 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,908 crying like a little girl. 75 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,701 (loud laughter) 76 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:25,121 (chuckling) I guess it is a little funny. 77 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,540 Nonetheless, I will find the culprit. 78 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:31,461 We'll start with... oh, I don't know... 79 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:32,837 Bart Simpson. 80 00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,467 Um, I don't think you want to look in there, sir. 81 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,762 Balderdash. I'll just stick my head right in... 82 00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:43,890 half a dozen eggs? 83 00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:47,101 Well, that would be the complete dozen. 84 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,562 All right, rather than tempt fate, I'll move along now. 85 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:53,316 And so we reach the bottom of the barrel, 86 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:54,359 Nelson Muntz. 87 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:56,069 (hums fanfare) 88 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,863 The cold, hard process of elimination places the "H" 89 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,115 squarely in your locker. 90 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,077 (both gasp) 91 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,328 Ha-ha! 92 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,666 Damn! Dang! Darn! 93 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:17,799 (gasping) A principal's ransom in stolen goods. 94 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:19,008 Well, sir, 95 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,969 who's ha-ha-ing now, hmm? 96 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:24,347 I don't know, but he's got lethal tuna-breath. 97 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,933 ALL: Ooh! 98 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:28,977 Who does Nelson think he's impressing anyway 99 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,145 acting so cool all the time? 100 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,689 Not me. 101 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,983 All right, Mr. Smartenheimer, that does it. 102 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:38,111 First, you're going to give back everything you've stolen. 103 00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:39,946 Then I'm sentencing you to one week 104 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:42,991 of the lowest, most degrading work known to man. 105 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,326 -Janitorial work. -Ah, gee. 106 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,578 I'm standing right here, sir. 107 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:50,164 Ah, yes. Uh... 108 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,791 Take a good look at him, Nelson, 109 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,918 'cause that's where you're headed. 110 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,170 After you claim your stolen merchandise, 111 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:59,549 go directly to Mr. Muntz for an apology. 112 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,009 Bite me. 113 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,510 Cram it. 114 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,178 You're dead. 115 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,431 Get bent, ma'am. 116 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,308 Why do you have to be such a pain all the time? 117 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,643 Don't you realize you're getting a bad reputation? 118 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:13,187 Don't you realize your butt sticks out? 119 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,148 It does not. 120 00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:16,816 -Hey! -Ha-ha! 121 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,322 An automatic dialer? Is that legal? 122 00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,157 I don't want you getting arrested, Homer. 123 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,366 I won't. 124 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,744 Or swindling our neighbors. 125 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,495 Let me show you how it works. 126 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:33,166 This baby has every phone number in town programmed into it. 127 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:37,211 It automatically calls them one by one and plays my message. 128 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,338 Listen. 129 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,465 (touch tones beeping) 130 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:41,674 (telephone ringing) 131 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:42,884 Ahoy-hoy? 132 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,511 HOMER: Greetings, friend. 133 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,638 Do you wish to look as happy as me? 134 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:50,683 Well, you've got the power inside you right now, 135 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:54,312 so use it and send one dollar to Happy Dude, 136 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,522 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. 137 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,232 Don't delay. 138 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,193 Eternal happiness is just a dollar away. 139 00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:02,779 Hmm... 140 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:06,074 one dollar for eternal happiness. 141 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:07,700 Mmm... 142 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,243 I'd be happier with the dollar. 143 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:12,205 (chuckling) Now we just sit by the mailbox 144 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,123 and watch the money roll in. 145 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,209 But you're going to annoy thousands of people 146 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,586 just to make a few measly dollars. 147 00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,296 It's nothing but panhandling. 148 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,256 Tele-panhandling. 149 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,759 And should there be requests for an encore, 150 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:28,012 we will reprise "Pop Goes the Weasel." 151 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,348 Otherwise, we will file out quietly. 152 00:06:30,431 --> 00:06:33,101 -(sighs) -(water splashing) 153 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,144 And that's how Willie waters. 154 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,188 Now, you take the hoose. 155 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:38,523 The moose? 156 00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:40,149 The hoose! The hoose! 157 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,234 Is this right? 158 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,277 Agh, turn off the noozle! 159 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,071 The noodles? What noodles? 160 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:46,322 The noozle at the end of the hoose. 161 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,365 (laughing) 162 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,075 Miss Simpson? 163 00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:52,286 Do you find something funny about the word tromboner? 164 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:56,082 No, sir. I was laughing at something outside. 165 00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:57,500 She was looking at Nelson. 166 00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,253 ALL: ♪ Lisa likes Nelson ♪ 167 00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:01,421 She does not. 168 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,840 ♪ Milhouse likes Lisa ♪ 169 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:04,841 He does not. 170 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:07,385 ♪ Janey likes Milhouse ♪ 171 00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:08,636 She does not! 172 00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:11,305 ♪ Uter likes Milhouse ♪ 173 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,765 Nobody likes Milhouse. 174 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,059 Lisa, you've got detention. 175 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,145 (grumbling) 176 00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:29,115 Oh, how does Bart do this every week? 177 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:32,160 Hey, brainiac. Since when do you get detention? 178 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:35,538 It's your fault. I accidentally laughed at your immature prank. 179 00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,165 Ha! Yeah. 180 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,750 The best part was when he got wet. 181 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,419 Hey, you're doing that the stupid way. 182 00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:43,504 If you use that deal with the five chalks 183 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,298 you'll get done faster. 184 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,216 Thanks, but I prefer the honest way. 185 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,135 Whatever. Smell you later. 186 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,059 Hmm. 187 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,612 Wow, that was a good idea, 188 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:09,363 and I can't believe it came from Nelson. 189 00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:13,367 (thinking) He's not like anybody I've ever met. 190 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,328 He's like a riddle wrapped in an enigma 191 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,330 wrapped in a vest. 192 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,790 Sure is ugly, though. 193 00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:23,169 So why can't I stop staring at him? 194 00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:25,421 Oh, no. 195 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,175 I think I'm getting a crush on Nelson Muntz. 196 00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:31,093 Hey, Willie! Catch the football! 197 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,512 All right, I'll-- 198 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:35,264 -(Willie screaming) -(bees buzzing) 199 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,265 (dreamy sigh) 200 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,650 -(laughing) -Milhouse, I've never told anyone 201 00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,193 this kind of thing before, 202 00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:49,737 but I've never felt this way before. 203 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,406 -I think I have a crush... -(gasps) 204 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,367 Uh, oh, really? 205 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,952 On Nelson Muntz. 206 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,787 (gagging) 207 00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,914 Way to drink, Poindexter! 208 00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:02,250 (coughing) You like Nelson? 209 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,168 (coughing) But he's a creep, 210 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,628 and he chipped one of my permanent teeth. 211 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,129 But I bet underneath 212 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,507 he's a sweet, sensitive person... like you. 213 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,510 I guess you could say I want to bring out 214 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,262 the Milhouse in Nelson. 215 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,931 But I'm all Milhouse! 216 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:19,725 Plus, my mom says I'm the handsomest guy in school. 217 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,102 I like you too, Milhouse, 218 00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:23,521 but not in that way. 219 00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:26,440 -You're more like a big sister. -No, I'm not. 220 00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,484 Why does everybody keep saying that? 221 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,236 Would you do me a favor? 222 00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:32,238 When you get back to class, just give him this note. 223 00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:34,407 Ohh... 224 00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:35,992 Please? 225 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,744 (thinking) When she sees you'll do anything she says, 226 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,122 she's bound to respect you. 227 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:44,166 Sure! What's a big sister for? 228 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,712 Oh... I shouldn't have said that. 229 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:54,135 "Guess who likes you." 230 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:57,930 (siren wailing) 231 00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:04,437 {\an8}Milhouse, I'm so sorry. 232 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,980 He can't hear you now. 233 00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:07,982 We had to pack his ears with gauze. 234 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,487 Nelson. Um... 235 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,823 that note Milhouse gave you, 236 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:16,991 it wasn't from him. 237 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:20,036 It was from... me. 238 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,747 You? Why would you like me? 239 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,790 No girls like me. 240 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,917 Are you wearing a wire? 241 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,587 I don't know why I like you, I just do. 242 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:32,715 So... what do you think? 243 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:35,509 It's okay... I guess. 244 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,178 Do I have to do anything? 245 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:39,597 Well, would you like 246 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,349 to come over to my house after school? 247 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:44,018 Okay. But if anybody sees us, 248 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,811 I'm just there to steal your bike. 249 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,855 (tires screeching) 250 00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:51,525 (panting) Huh? Ooh. 251 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:55,321 Whoo-hoo! Two dollars! 252 00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:56,947 It's working! 253 00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,866 I don't feel any happier. 254 00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:00,451 How about you? 255 00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:03,079 Mmm, a little. 256 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,080 (wheels squeaking) 257 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,915 Oh, you got to see this. 258 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,000 It's so cute what she does. 259 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,168 Be the baby, kitty. 260 00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,420 Go on. Be the baby! 261 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,089 (laughs) Come on. 262 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,050 -(cat yowling) -Snowball! 263 00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:17,885 -(cat shrieking) -You don't understand. 264 00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:20,888 She loves to climb in here. 265 00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:23,099 I believe you! I don't care! 266 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,559 Hey, Lise, Mom said you had the toenail clippers, and-- 267 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:28,062 Whoa, Lisa! Look out! Nelson's in our house! 268 00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:30,523 It's okay. I invited him over. 269 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:34,151 -Nelson's my new friend. -Are you nuts? 270 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,319 I'll probably never say this to you again, 271 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,071 but you can do better. 272 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,864 Please don't ruin this for me, Bart. 273 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,574 I think he's starting to like me. 274 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,119 -Milhouse likes you. -Oh, please! 275 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,787 Milhouse likes Vaseline on toast. 276 00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:45,830 Hmm. 277 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,958 (dialing) 278 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,668 (whirring) 279 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,963 Oh, pawns can't move that way, you stupid arm! 280 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:55,965 -(phone rings) -Lab. 281 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,717 HOMER (on recording): Greetings, friend. 282 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,593 Do you wish to look as happy as me? 283 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:02,930 (gasps) Why, it's the AT-5000 auto-dialer, 284 00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:05,057 my very first patent. 285 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,518 Ah, would you listen to the gibberish 286 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:08,561 they've got you saying? 287 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:09,979 It's sad and alarming. 288 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,981 You were designed to alert schoolchildren 289 00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,191 about snow days and such. 290 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,569 Well, let's get you home to Frinky. 291 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:19,947 -Hope your wheels still work. -(keypad beeping) 292 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,031 (vibrating, whirring) 293 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:26,620 Oh, no, you don't. 294 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,459 (grunts) 295 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,252 You're the first person I've had over to the house 296 00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:34,754 since my dad went nuts. 297 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,893 "Nuke the whales"? 298 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:51,228 You don't really believe that, do you? 299 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,689 I don't know. Gotta nuke something. 300 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,025 Touché. 301 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,359 You play the guitar? 302 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,653 Oh, yeah. I'm a superstar. 303 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:02,031 Would you play a song for me? 304 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,867 Oh. Okay. 305 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:08,329 (strings tuning) 306 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,418 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 307 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,837 ♪ The teacher's dead ♪ 308 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:20,800 ♪ We barbecued her head ♪ 309 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,927 ♪ What happened to her body? ♪ 310 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,095 ♪ We flushed it down the potty ♪ 311 00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,473 ♪ And round and round it goes ♪ 312 00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:31,268 ♪ And round and round it... goes ♪ 313 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,770 I wish I could laugh 314 00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:35,105 at the idea of a teacher being decapitated. 315 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,273 I know. 316 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,691 (chuckles) It's funny, huh? 317 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,819 Hardly. 318 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,404 Listen, I'm getting pretty tired. 319 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,532 I'm going to go to sleep for a while. 320 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,116 Smell you later. 321 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,203 -How am I supposed to get home? -I don't know. 322 00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:51,497 You should have thought of that before you came over. Heh. 323 00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:54,959 I feel so stupid, Mom. 324 00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,669 Nelson's not right for me at all, 325 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,462 and I don't think he ever will be. 326 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,298 Well, most women will tell you that you're a fool 327 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,842 to think you can change a man, 328 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,845 but those women are quitters. 329 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,347 -What? -When I first met your father, 330 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,225 he was loud, crude, and piggish, 331 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:15,187 but I worked hard on him, and now he's a whole new person. 332 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:19,650 -Mom? -He's a whole new person, Lisa. 333 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,235 Oh, I know. 334 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:22,862 Mmm. 335 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,655 I wonder if I could change Nelson. 336 00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:27,908 Very sharp. 337 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,536 Oh, but I feel like such a tool. 338 00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:32,162 I know it's a change, 339 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,998 but it highlights your sweet and sensitive side. 340 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,666 Aw, crap. 341 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,544 LISA: Isn't it nice up here? 342 00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:40,296 What are you thinking, Nelson? 343 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,256 What am I thinking about what? 344 00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:44,216 -About anything. -Nothing. 345 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,468 Mm... what do you feel? 346 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,178 What's inside you right now? 347 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:51,348 Guts and black stuff... 348 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,933 and about 50 Slim Jims. 349 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:55,811 Come on, Nelson, you must think and feel things. 350 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,521 I mean, look where we are... 351 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,232 a rolling, green hillside, the stars coming out 352 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,276 like God is lighting a million tiny candles. 353 00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:04,904 The moon looking down on us as if to say... 354 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,324 (gasps) My first kiss. 355 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,200 I always wondered what it would be like. 356 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,369 This ought to shut her up. 357 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,497 Hey... this isn't so bad. 358 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,719 That was pretty fine. 359 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,804 See? You do have a tender side. 360 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,223 You just needed someone to bring it out. 361 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,352 Yeah. That was pretty rockin'. 362 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:44,443 Oh, man! You kissed a girl! 363 00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:47,112 That is so gay! 364 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:51,367 Listen, you thugs! Stop making fun of him or you'll be sorry. 365 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,327 ALL: Whoa! 366 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:55,162 You'll be so sorry when you realize 367 00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,247 how you've hurt the feelings of a sweet young man. 368 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,999 (groaning) 369 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:02,461 He's not like you anymore. He's changed. 370 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,254 And he doesn't want to hang around 371 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,340 with a bunch of crumb-bums. 372 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:07,758 Crumb-bums? 373 00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,969 Nobody calls me a crumb-bum. 374 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,680 Hey, back off, James. 375 00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:15,391 I'll handle this, Lisa. You go have a fig bar. 376 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:23,399 Hey, thanks for embarrassing me, dingus. 377 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,484 You asked for it, man. 378 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:26,777 You're broadcasting geek rays 379 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,320 over the entire valley. 380 00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,031 'Fraid not. I'm still wicked bad. 381 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,200 Oh, yeah? Then prove it, ass butt. 382 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:34,827 Come raid Skinner's house with us. 383 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,829 {\an8}We found a bunch of rancid coleslaw 384 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,956 {\an8}in the Dumpster behind Krusty Burger. 385 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:42,126 Yeah, and we're going to go heave it at his house. 386 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,544 Cool! 387 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,087 I'd love to get even with Skinner. 388 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,714 Uh... 389 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,299 Uh, but I better not. 390 00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,261 (clucking) Chicken! 391 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:53,595 -Lame-o! -Girl lover! 392 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,181 -Fancy pants! -Charlatan! 393 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:59,685 You got rid of them, and you did it like a gentleman 394 00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,645 without any violence. 395 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:02,938 Yeah. 396 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,690 I know you don't like that stuff. 397 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:07,693 (touch tones beeping) 398 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:12,740 (phone ringing) 399 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,074 NED: Howdily-diddely. 400 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,367 HOMER: Greetings, friends. 401 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,994 Do you wish to look as-- 402 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:20,164 Oh, it was that darn recording again. 403 00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:21,999 Of course it was. 404 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:25,753 It's been calling all night. Just unplug the phone. 405 00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:27,921 -(phone ringing) -Howdily... 406 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,757 -Greetings, friends. -Dang! 407 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,925 I told you to unplug the phone. 408 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,594 -But it could be my mother. -(ringing) 409 00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:34,803 -Howdy-- -Greetings, friends. 410 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,388 -Shoot! -That is it, Ned. 411 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,015 If you don't unplug that phone right now, 412 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:39,725 you're sleeping on the lawn. 413 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,977 Will you two shut up? 414 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,604 People are trying to sleep! 415 00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,485 (loud thumping) 416 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,071 Great Barrier Reef! We're under attack! 417 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,781 Eat slaw, Skinner! 418 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,616 We're slawing him up good! 419 00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:57,743 Nelson doesn't know what he's missing. 420 00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:00,788 Why is he wasting his time with that Simpson chick? 421 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,999 'Cause your mom had a three-month waiting list. 422 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,126 -All right! -I knew you'd be back. 423 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,669 Hey, what'd you say about my mom? 424 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:08,837 (all talking at once) 425 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,464 I missed you guys. 426 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:12,591 Let's never fight again. 427 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:24,645 Who's out there? Give me your names so I can tell the police. 428 00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:27,022 AGNES: Seymour, what's going on? 429 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,023 What's that odor? 430 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,775 Go back to bed, Mother. 431 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,111 I've got it under control. Listen, you crumb-bums. 432 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:36,031 If you think I'm impressed, I am not. (stammers) 433 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,118 Oh, brandishing your buttocks is only getting me angrier. 434 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,869 AGNES: I want to see what's going on! 435 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,247 No, Mother, don't look out the window! 436 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:46,125 -(Mother screaming) -(sighs) 437 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:49,378 -(siren wailing) -Cops! Everybody split up. 438 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:01,348 -(thuds) -Lisa, the cops are chasing me. 439 00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:02,766 I need a place to hide. 440 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,018 Lisa's window is the next one. 441 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:06,812 (phone ringing) 442 00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,230 -NED: Howdly-doo... -Greetings, friends. 443 00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:09,815 MAUDE: Ned, did you plug that phone back in? 444 00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:11,775 Shut up! 445 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,028 And I wasn't even there, honest. 446 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,864 Skinner's just out to get me. 447 00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,866 -That's so unfair. -(siren approaching) 448 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,033 Uh-oh. 449 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,743 Meet me at the back door. 450 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:31,253 Aha! I had a feeling we'd find you here. 451 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,673 -Chief, no! -What'd you do that for? 452 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:37,593 Well, that thing's been driving the whole town nuts. 453 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,262 Got me out of the bath seven times. Seven! 454 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,931 Hey, who shot the auto-dialer? 455 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,266 Marge's auto-dialer. 456 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,767 See you in court, Simpson. 457 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,895 Oh, and, uh, bring that evidence with you. 458 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,981 Otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free, you know. 459 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:53,066 Uh, Chief, what about those coleslaw punks? 460 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,862 Well, I can't be everywhere at once, Lou, now can I? 461 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,739 You know, in most cities, the chief of police 462 00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:00,741 doesn't even go out on calls like these. 463 00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:03,076 -Yeah, yeah. We know, Chief. -We appreciate it. 464 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,828 -Count our blessings every day. -We're very appreciative. 465 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,207 I think they're giving up. 466 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:12,711 Thanks for helping me out. You're a stand-up babe. 467 00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:14,379 Hey, check it out. 468 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,882 Skinner's mopping the goo off his house. 469 00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:20,302 Wait till he finds what I left in his birdbath. 470 00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:21,887 SKINNER: No! 471 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,893 I thought you weren't there. 472 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:28,936 Huh? 473 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:32,105 Oh, yeah. Uh... I guess I was. 474 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,024 -You lied to me. -Nuh-uh. 475 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:35,943 There. You did it again. 476 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,570 All right, all right, I lied. I'm sorry. Let's kiss. 477 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,073 No! You don't understand, Nelson. 478 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,700 A kiss doesn't mean anything if it's dishonest. 479 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:47,079 Um... there's a niceness to it. 480 00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:49,957 I was foolish to think I'd actually changed you. 481 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,750 Maybe I was seeing things in you 482 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,669 that weren't really there. 483 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,003 Definitely. 484 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,964 Then why did you want to be with me? 485 00:20:57,047 --> 00:21:00,217 Mmm-mm, maybe 'cause you were the first person 486 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,886 that ever thought there was a nice guy inside me. 487 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:07,766 Hmm. Well, guess you really blew that one, huh? 488 00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:09,559 Well, I guess this is it. 489 00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,270 You mean, like, good-bye? 490 00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:14,606 Let's just call it "smell you later." 491 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,453 (sniffing) 492 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:32,708 Hi, Lisa. 493 00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:34,251 Could I talk to you, 494 00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:36,586 or would that just make Nelson whale on me again? 495 00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:39,798 Don't worry. Nelson and I don't like each other anymore. 496 00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:41,550 (gasps) Really? 497 00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:44,303 You got anybody in mind for your next crush? 498 00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:48,390 Well, I'm really not thinking about that now. 499 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:51,476 I suppose it could be almost anybody. 500 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,020 Yes! 501 00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:01,153 {\an8}(touch tones beeping) 502 00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:03,488 {\an8}(phone ringing) 503 00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:09,745 {\an8}Hello. This is Homer Simpson, A.K.A. Happy Dude. 504 00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:12,706 {\an8}The court has ordered me to call every person in town 505 00:22:12,789 --> 00:22:15,417 {\an8}to apologize for my telemarketing scam. 506 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,794 {\an8}I'm sorry. 507 00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:20,047 {\an8}If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, 508 00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:22,299 {\an8}send one dollar to Sorry Dude, 509 00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:25,344 {\an8}742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. 510 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:28,430 {\an8}-You have the power. -(machine clicks) 511 00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:32,059 {\an8}♪♪ 512 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:40,233 Shh! 513 00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:46,365 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.