1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:05,839 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:16,474 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:19,310 (bell rings) 4 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:25,650 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,989 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:41,541 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:48,548 (tires screech) 8 00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,930 (tires screech) 9 00:00:58,808 --> 00:00:59,851 (horn honks) 10 00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:05,148 D'oh! 11 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,358 -Aah! -(tires screech) 12 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,463 {\an8}Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. 13 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:31,424 {\an8}The following tale of alien encounters is true 14 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:34,219 {\an8}and by true, I mean false. 15 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:37,722 {\an8}It's all lies, but they're entertaining lies, 16 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,892 {\an8}and in the end, isn't that the real truth? 17 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:44,270 {\an8}The answer is "no." 18 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,523 {\an8}Our story begins on a friday morning 19 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:50,360 {\an8}in a little town called Springfield. 20 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:53,488 {\an8}T.G.I.F., guys. I'm off to Moe's. 21 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,281 {\an8}But, Homer, it's 10:00 in the morning. 22 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,825 {\an8}Don't worry, I have a plan. 23 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,368 {\an8}I saw this in a movie 24 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,787 {\an8}about a bus that had to "speed" around a city 25 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:03,039 {\an8}keeping its "speed" over 50 26 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:06,251 {\an8}and if its "speed" dropped, it would explode. 27 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,086 {\an8}I think it was called... 28 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:11,256 {\an8}"The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down." 29 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:15,176 {\an8}First, I hook this common VCR into the security camera system 30 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,928 {\an8}like so... 31 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:20,223 {\an8}then I insert this old videotape of us working 32 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,100 {\an8}on a continuous loop. 33 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:26,604 (no audible dialogue) 34 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:39,784 {\an8}So, another Friday is upon us. 35 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,494 {\an8}What'll you be doing, Smithers? 36 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,037 {\an8}Something gay, no doubt. 37 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,622 {\an8}Wha...? What?! 38 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,416 {\an8}You know, lighthearted, fancy-free. 39 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,168 {\an8}Mothers, lock up your daughters. 40 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,128 {\an8}Smithers is on the town. 41 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:52,755 {\an8}(laughing) Exactly, sir. 42 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,175 {\an8}(nervous chuckling) 43 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,927 Thank God it's Wednesday. 44 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,470 It's Friday. 45 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:02,140 Uh-oh. Wrong pills. 46 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,935 Uh... little help? 47 00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,651 Sorry, Donkey Kong. 48 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,695 You're just not a draw anymore. 49 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,199 Hey, he's still got it. 50 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:25,622 MILHOUSE: ...38, 39, 40 quarters. 51 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:26,831 This better be good. 52 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,296 Game over. Please deposit 40 quarters. 53 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,423 What a rip! 54 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,429 Thank God it's Friday. 55 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,097 (hums) 56 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,059 -(X-ray machine buzzing) -Hello? 57 00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:48,895 Hello? 58 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,610 (dog growling) 59 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,321 Bad dog! 60 00:03:58,404 --> 00:03:59,405 (cat screeching) 61 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,115 Bad cat! 62 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,036 Bad fawn! Hmm. 63 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,914 -Shoo-shoo! -All right! 64 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,875 It's time for ABC's "T.G.I.F. lineup." 65 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,877 Lis, when you get a little older 66 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,046 you'll learn that Friday's just another day 67 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,465 between NBC's "Must-See Thursday" 68 00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:20,760 and CBS's "Saturday Night Craparama." 69 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,804 Another Duff, Homer? 70 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,014 Nah. It's Friday night, Moe. 71 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,599 I want to try something special. 72 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,393 Uh, sure, sure. 73 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,103 Eh, here you go. 74 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,438 "Doof-uh." From Sweden. 75 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,482 Skoal! 76 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,776 Wait a minute. This is Duff. 77 00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:38,278 (laughing) 78 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,487 You got me, didn't you? 79 00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:42,240 All right, here you go-- Red tick beer. 80 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:46,327 Hmm. Bold, refreshing. 81 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,789 And something I can't quite put my finger on. 82 00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:52,625 (barking) 83 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,295 Hmm... needs more dog. 84 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:58,673 (snoring) 85 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:00,842 Well, it's 1:00 A.M. Better go home 86 00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:03,052 and spend some quality time with the kids. 87 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,387 Just a second, Homer. 88 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,055 You got to take a breathalyzer test 89 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,473 before I let you drive home. 90 00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,897 (Russian folk song plays) 91 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,734 (slurring) Ah... I guess I'll walk home. 92 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,280 (moans) 93 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,826 (spooky music plays) 94 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,246 (dog howling) 95 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,669 (psycho theme playing) 96 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:46,971 Ooh! 97 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,723 (gasping) 98 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,519 (screams) 99 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,521 -(wind blows) -(screams) 100 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,280 Oh, son, I'm glad to see you. 101 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,699 I went for the morning paper and I got lost. 102 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,576 -No time for you, old man. -GRAMPA: Oh... 103 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,504 (hoots) 104 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:29,222 ("The X-Files" theme playing) 105 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:39,982 (whimpering) 106 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,401 Please, don't hurt me. 107 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,319 Don't be afraid. 108 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:48,074 (screaming) 109 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:48,908 Unh! 110 00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:52,620 (footsteps running) 111 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,831 -(panting) -Homer, it's 2:00 A.M. 112 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,125 -What happened? -It was an alien, Marge. 113 00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:00,253 It appeared in front of me and said, "Don't be afraid." 114 00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:01,337 Have you been drinking? 115 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,548 No... Well, ten beers. 116 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:04,549 (groans) 117 00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:06,092 HOMER: I'm telling you 118 00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,261 I saw a creature from another planet. 119 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:09,762 Maybe you just dreamed it. 120 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,806 Oh, yeah? Well, when I came to 121 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,933 I was covered with a sticky translucent goo. 122 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:15,268 Explain that. 123 00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:18,104 -More sausage? -(drooling) 124 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:20,815 {\an8}Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine," 125 00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:23,359 {\an8}the chances are 175 million to one 126 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,863 {\an8}of another form of life actually coming in contact with ours. 127 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,406 -So? -It's just that 128 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:29,866 the people who claim they've seen aliens 129 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,869 are always pathetic lowlifes with boring jobs. 130 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,746 Oh, and you, Dad. 131 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,290 (chuckles weakly) 132 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:41,043 I am the thing from Uranus. 133 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,170 (shrieks) 134 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,130 Oh, it's Bart. 135 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,548 I can't believe it. 136 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:48,259 I'm being mocked by my own children. 137 00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,011 On my birthday. 138 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,138 -It's your birthday? -Yes. 139 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,432 Remember, it's the same day as the dog's. 140 00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:56,767 {\an8}Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday? 141 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:59,353 {\an8}Ooh, we've got to get you a present. 142 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,898 {\an8}Yes, we do. Yes, we do. 143 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,441 {\an8}We love you, boy. 144 00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:06,694 {\an8}Good doggy. Good doggy. 145 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,488 Lousy lovable dog. 146 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,365 Oh, it was awful. 147 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,951 They set me on a cold metal table, 148 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:17,330 and prodded me with humiliating probes, and-- 149 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,207 Oh, wait. That was my physical. 150 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,291 (men scoff) 151 00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:21,959 Great story, Homer, really. 152 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:25,046 The alien has a sweet heavenly voice... 153 00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:26,464 Like Urkel. 154 00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:29,467 And he appears every Friday night... 155 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:30,927 Like Urkel. 156 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,888 Well, your story is very compelling, 157 00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:36,474 Mr. Jackass. I mean, uh, Simpson. 158 00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:40,269 So I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter. 159 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,481 (humming) 160 00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:46,442 (sighs) You don't have to humiliate me. 161 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:51,322 I just torched a building downtown 162 00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:52,532 and I'm afraid I'll do it again. 163 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,325 Oh, yeah, right. 164 00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:57,537 I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter. 165 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,248 (humming) 166 00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:02,416 Fruitcake. 167 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,927 Look at this, Scully. 168 00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:16,597 There's been another unsubstantiated U.F.O. sighting 169 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,349 in the heartland of America. 170 00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,725 We've got to get there right away. 171 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,352 Well, gee, Mulder, 172 00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,312 there's also this report of a shipment of drugs 173 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,481 and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight. 174 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,192 (scoffs) I hardly think the F.B.I.'s concerned 175 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,443 with matters like that. 176 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,700 Hello. Can I help you? 177 00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,910 {\an8}Agents Mulder and Scully-- F.B.I. 178 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,620 (gasps) Is this about that pen 179 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,205 that I took from the post office? 180 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,833 I-I swear, I didn't know I put it in my purse. 181 00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:46,127 Then I was going to bring it back but the dog chewed it up, 182 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:49,046 and that just made things worse. (hyperventilating) 183 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,592 Actually, we're here to see your husband about his U.F.O. encounter. 184 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:56,721 Oh... come... come in. 185 00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,434 SCULLY: Mr. Simpson, look at this lineup 186 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,811 and tell us if any of these are the aliens you saw. 187 00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:06,480 Yo. 188 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,149 No, I'm sorry. 189 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,943 (all grumbling) 190 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,737 {\an8}Oh, this makes me very angry. 191 00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:16,032 Now we're going to run a few tests. 192 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,117 This is a simple lie detector. 193 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,827 I'll ask you a few "yes" or "no" questions, 194 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:20,995 and you just answer truthfully. 195 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:22,580 Do you understand? 196 00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:23,581 Yes. 197 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,302 Ow. 198 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,512 (panting) 199 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,806 Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test? 200 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,308 No point. I just thought 201 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:43,976 he could stand to lose a little weight. 202 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,395 His jiggling is almost hypnotic. 203 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,606 Yes, it's like a lava lamp. 204 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,409 MULDER: All right, Homer, 205 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,994 we want you re-create your every move 206 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,038 the night you saw this alien. 207 00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:06,374 Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, 208 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,376 where we were discussing Wittgenstein 209 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,628 over a game of backgammon. 210 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:11,879 Mr. Simpson, it's a felony 211 00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,506 to lie to the F.B.I. 212 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,383 We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. 213 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,509 You happy? 214 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:21,681 You are one fine-looking woman, lady. 215 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,516 If I wasn't married, 216 00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:26,227 I'd go out with you like that. 217 00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,523 I am so sorry. 218 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,024 Whatever you do, don't tell Marge. 219 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,567 God, I love her. 220 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,528 I... Hey, a penny. 221 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:38,030 So, who are you guys anyhow? 222 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,198 Agents Mulder and Scully-- 223 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,908 F.B.I. 224 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:41,992 F.B.I., huh? 225 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,327 Uh, excuse me. 226 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,080 All right, they're onto us. 227 00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:47,540 Get him back to Sea World. 228 00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:51,001 (vocalizing) 229 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:54,255 So I says, "Blue M&M, red M&M. 230 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:57,341 They all wind up the same color in the end." 231 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,218 Homer, why don't you show us where you went 232 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:00,678 when you left the bar. 233 00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:02,763 I was standing right here 234 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,849 when the horrible creature emerged from the woods. 235 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,187 For the love of God, help me! 236 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,564 I've been here for four days, 237 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,733 and a turtle's got a hold of my teeth. 238 00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:16,777 There he is. 239 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,404 Come back here, you. 240 00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,614 Slow down. I'll get you. 241 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,202 This is the worst assignment we've ever had. 242 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,537 Worse than the time 243 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,123 we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus? 244 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:32,752 Ow! He bit me with my own teeth! 245 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,628 No, this is much more irritating. 246 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,380 I've seen enough, Mulder. Let's go. 247 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,840 Yeah, okay. 248 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,050 But somewhere out there, something is watching us. 249 00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,302 There are alien forces 250 00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:43,304 acting in ways we can't perceive. 251 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:44,847 Are we alone in the universe? 252 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,724 Impossible, when you consider the wonders 253 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,184 that exist around us. 254 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,685 ...voodoo priests of Haiti, 255 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,937 the Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia, 256 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:55,566 the unsolved mysteries of "Unsolved Mysteries." 257 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,735 The truth is out there. 258 00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:01,155 (Moe grunting) 259 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,033 Who would have thought a whale could be so heavy? 260 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,327 (gasps) Cheese it. The Feds. 261 00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:08,204 (whale vocalizes) 262 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,539 Oh, Marge, I've never felt so alone. 263 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,666 No one believes me. 264 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:15,628 Uh, this is the part where you're supposed to say 265 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:16,796 "I believe you, Homer." 266 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,422 I don't believe you, Homer. 267 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:22,051 You do? Oh, Marge, you've made me so happy. 268 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,178 Mmm, you're not listening. 269 00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,222 You're only hearing what you want to hear. 270 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,557 Thanks. I'd love an omelet right about now. 271 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,644 Homer, please, I try to be supportive, 272 00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,646 but this has gone too far. 273 00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,023 Please just let it be. 274 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,484 No, I can't. This is my cause. 275 00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,236 I'm like the man who singlehandedly built the rocket 276 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:41,695 and went to the moon. 277 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,656 What was his name, Apollo Creed? 278 00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,825 Please, let's just go to sleep. 279 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:49,620 No, I refuse to share a bed with someone who thinks I'm crazy. 280 00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:52,248 Unless you're feeling amorous. 281 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,999 -(purrs) -No, I'm not. 282 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,835 Well, then, good night. 283 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:59,255 Hey, Dad, what's the word from planet crackpot? 284 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,590 Oh, I suppose you're going to mock me too. 285 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,301 Well, actually, Dad, I believe you. 286 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:06,387 -You do? -Yes, I do. 287 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,138 You seem so damn sure. 288 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,598 Thank you, son. 289 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,433 And do you think you could stop the casual swearing? 290 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,352 -Hell, yes. -That's my boy. 291 00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:14,603 Well, if you believe in me 292 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:15,938 then I'm not going to give up. 293 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,356 I'll prove I'm right. 294 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:19,191 This Friday we're going back to the woods 295 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,151 and we're going to find that alien. 296 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,486 What if we don't? 297 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,114 We'll fake it and sell it to the Fox network. 298 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,992 (chuckles) They'll buy anything. 299 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:31,203 Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming too. 300 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,331 (laughing) 301 00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:38,377 I kill me. 302 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,089 -Bud... -weis... 303 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:43,424 er. 304 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:44,633 -Bud... -weis... 305 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,634 er. 306 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:46,969 Coors. 307 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,763 Yo, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer? 308 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,849 Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. 309 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:54,602 That's for daddies and kids with fake I.D.s. 310 00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:57,187 Besides, it's such a beautiful night. 311 00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:59,273 How about a ghost story? 312 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:03,652 ...and that is how much college will cost for Maggie. 313 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,405 No. No! No! 314 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,534 You know, Dad, 315 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,578 it doesn't matter that we didn't see the alien. 316 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,121 I really had a great time out here. 317 00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:16,415 Yeah, me too. 318 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,751 -("The X-Files Theme" playing) -(gasps) It's him! 319 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,092 I bring you peace. 320 00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,263 As a representative of planet Earth, 321 00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,432 let me be the first to say-- 322 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,351 (screaming) 323 00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:38,729 (gasps) 324 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,732 D'oh! It's gone. 325 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:43,901 And we still don't have any proof. 326 00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:44,985 Oh, yes, we do. 327 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,987 I got it all on tape. 328 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,238 Good work, son! 329 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:51,575 We did it! We did it! 330 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,330 And so, from this simple man came the proof 331 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:58,999 that we are not alone in the universe. 332 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,417 I'm Leonard Nimoy. 333 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:01,961 Good night. 334 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:05,798 MAN: Uh, Mr. Nimoy, we have ten minutes left. 335 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:07,841 Oh... fine. 336 00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:13,222 Well, let me just get, uh, something out of my car. 337 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,182 (footsteps running) 338 00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:17,476 (tires screeching) 339 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,397 I don't think he's coming back. 340 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,736 Tonight, on "Eyewitness News, " 341 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,156 a man who's been in a coma for 23 years wakes up. 342 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,826 Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show? 343 00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:37,037 No. She won an Oscar, and he's a congressman. 344 00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,331 Good night! 345 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,541 (monitor beeping steadily) 346 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,835 But first, E.T. phone Homer... 347 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:44,753 Simpson, that is. 348 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,631 Marge! Kids! They're about to show my videotape. 349 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,133 Local man Homer Simpson, 350 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,801 shown here with his tongue stuck to a lamppost, 351 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,720 has given us this videotape. 352 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:56,015 It's a close encounter of the blurred kind. 353 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,599 (chuckling) 354 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:03,689 I bring you peace. 355 00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,941 The alien has appeared in the same Springfield pasture 356 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,317 the past two Friday nights. 357 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,736 Will it appear again this Friday? 358 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,988 The entire Channel 6 news team will be there, 359 00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,282 except for Phil, the boom mike operator 360 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,658 who's getting fired tomorrow. 361 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,869 Very unprofessional, Phil. 362 00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:19,413 Well, Lis, what do you think about the alien now? 363 00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:21,665 I think there must be a more logical explanation 364 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:24,209 and I think the people of this town aren't going to be won over 365 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,503 by three seconds of videotape. 366 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:27,713 (doorbell rings) 367 00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,509 Uh... I'm happy to answer any questions 368 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,762 you have about the alien. Any questions at all. 369 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,388 Dr. Hibbert? 370 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:39,475 Yes, is the alien carbon-based or silicon-based? 371 00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,894 Uh... the second one. 372 00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,520 Zilliphone. Next question. 373 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,856 Is the alien Santa Claus? 374 00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,149 Uh... yes. 375 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,318 Uh, were you on my roof last night 376 00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,403 stealing my weather vane? 377 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,780 This interview is over. 378 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:58,827 I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens. 379 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,080 He came in peace, and then died, 380 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:04,083 only to come back to life. 381 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,210 And his name was... 382 00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:09,088 E.T., the extraterrestrial. 383 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:12,257 (sniffling) I loved that little guy. 384 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,637 (playing five-note tune from "Close Encounters") 385 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,721 (tuba hits sour note) 386 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:24,436 Leonard Nimoy, what are you doing here? 387 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,897 Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, 388 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:30,275 -cosmic forces shall draw me near. -Uh-huh. 389 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,944 Hey, Spock, what do you want on your hot dog? 390 00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:33,403 Surprise me. 391 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:37,658 {\an8}Take a look at this, Lisa. 392 00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:39,034 {\an8}You don't see any 393 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,286 {\an8}"Homer is a dope" t-shirts, do you? 394 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,372 {\an8}We sold those out in five minutes. 395 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,581 {\an8}D'oh! 396 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,750 {\an8}Marge, how could you? 397 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,044 {\an8}These shirts are a hundred percent cotton 398 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:52,172 {\an8}and look at the fine stitching on "dope." 399 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,632 I'll take two. 400 00:18:57,344 --> 00:19:01,056 (all gasping) 401 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,559 Look! There it is. 402 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,854 ("The X-Files Theme" playing) 403 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,564 Oh, Homie... 404 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,525 Homie, I'm so sorry I doubted you. 405 00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:15,487 I bring you love. 406 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,364 Is that the love between a man and a woman, 407 00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:21,702 or the love of a man for a fine cuban cigar? 408 00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:25,747 Uh... I bring you love. 409 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,666 It's bringing love! Don't let it get away! 410 00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:29,168 Break its legs! 411 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,919 (crowd shouting) 412 00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,383 Wait! 413 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,926 You want an alien? 414 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,761 This is your alien. 415 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:43,307 Hello, children. I bring you love. 416 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,184 Eh! It's a monster! 417 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,436 Kill it! Kill it! 418 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:49,855 It's not a monster. It's Mr. Burns. 419 00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:52,316 Aw, it's Mr. Burns. 420 00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:54,359 Kill it! Kill it! 421 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,153 No. No, let me explain. 422 00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:57,863 Every Friday evening after work, 423 00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:00,157 Mr. Burns undergoes a series of medical treatments 424 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,117 designed to cheat death for another week. 425 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,036 First, Mr. Burns' chiropractors 426 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,163 perform a slight spinal adjustment... 427 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,873 (Burns groaning) 428 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:16,298 Then a team of doctors administers eye drops... 429 00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:18,217 painkillers... 430 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,468 Ooh. 431 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,011 ...and a vocal chord scraping. 432 00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:23,430 Don't worry. You won't feel a thing... 433 00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:27,184 till I jam this down your throat! 434 00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:30,062 SMITHERS: The whole ordeal leaves Mr. Burns twisted and disoriented. 435 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,606 ♪ La la la la la ♪ 436 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:39,029 The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money. 437 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:40,864 But... what's with the glowing? 438 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,658 Um, I'll field that question. 439 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,410 A lifetime of working in a nuclear power plant 440 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,955 has given me a healthy green glow... 441 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,500 and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. 442 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,086 And now that I'm back to normal, 443 00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:55,587 I don't bring you peace and love. 444 00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:58,257 I bring you fear, famine, pestilence, and... 445 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,425 Time for a booster! 446 00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:03,971 ♪ Good morning, star shine ♪ 447 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:07,724 ♪ The Earth says hello ♪ 448 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:11,436 ♪ You twinkle above us ♪ 449 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,190 ♪ We twinkle below ♪ 450 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:19,027 All: ♪ Good morning, star shine ♪ 451 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,781 ♪ You lead us along... ♪ 452 00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,700 Well, you said you'd bring them peace and love, 453 00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:26,159 and it looks like you did it. 454 00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:29,579 I'm proud of you, Homie. Mwah! 455 00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:32,040 Thanks, Marge. 456 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,792 {\an8}♪ Tooby-ooby-walla ♪ 457 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,252 {\an8}-(Chewbacca gargling) -♪ Nooby-abba-nabba ♪ 458 00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:38,505 {\an8}♪ Early morning singing song ♪ 459 00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,801 And so concludes our tale. 460 00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:44,511 I'm Leonard Nimoy. 461 00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:47,597 Good night, and keep watching the skis... 462 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:49,349 Uh, skies. 463 00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:52,185 ("The X-Files Theme" playing) 464 00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:01,820 ♪♪ 465 00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:41,401 Shh! 466 00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:47,366 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.