1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:05,755 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,893 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,358 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,739 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,460 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,255 (tires screech) 7 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:54,929 (tires screeching) 8 00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,809 (horn honks) 9 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,020 (tires screech) 10 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,482 D'oh! 11 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,817 -Aah! -(tires screech) 12 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:23,666 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: It's the... 13 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:30,256 {\an8}Hey, hey, it's great to be back at the Apollo Theater and... 14 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,258 {\an8}K-K-K? 15 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:36,096 {\an8}That's not good. (giggling nervously) 16 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,222 {\an8}Oh... 17 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:47,232 {\an8}Ow! Now I'd like to introduce a new feature 18 00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:48,900 {\an8}never before seen on TV. 19 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:50,652 {\an8}Dumb pet tricks. 20 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:51,778 {\an8}(laughs) 21 00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,488 {\an8}Oh, boy. 22 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:54,906 {\an8}Here's a dog that's been trained 23 00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:56,491 {\an8}to catch this red rubber ball. 24 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,159 {\an8}(screams) 25 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,661 {\an8}Somebody shoot it! Somebody shoot it! 26 00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:02,038 {\an8}These specials get worse every year. 27 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,248 {\an8}I'll see what else is on. 28 00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:04,791 {\an8}Hey, where's the remote? 29 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,253 {\an8}Hello? Hello? 30 00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:10,338 {\an8}Stupid cordless phone! 31 00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:12,924 {\an8}I'll try the old-fashioned model. 32 00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,843 {\an8}Ah, that's better. 33 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,303 {\an8}-How you doing, Gertie? -(sizzling) 34 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,265 {\an8}And now our parody of "Mad About You" 35 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:23,143 {\an8}entitled "Mad About Shoe." 36 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,936 {\an8}Give me a kiss, baby. 37 00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:26,146 {\an8}No tongue. 38 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,272 {\an8}(laughs) 39 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:28,565 {\an8}(audience booing) 40 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:31,109 {\an8}Oh, you're not going to like 41 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,736 {\an8}our "NYPD Shoe" sketch. 42 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,155 {\an8}It's pretty much the same thing. 43 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,157 {\an8}Ma, could you get me some milk? 44 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,366 {\an8}Can't you get it yourself? 45 00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:39,701 {\an8}Oh, that's okay. 46 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,995 I'll just go without liquid. 47 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,873 (hacking) 48 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,291 Oh, all right, all right. 49 00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,959 -I'll get your milk. -Thank you. 50 00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:50,461 Does anyone else want anything while I'm up? 51 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:51,963 ALL: No! 52 00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,341 Marge, get me a beer. 53 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,093 -Oh... -Uh, Mom? 54 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,219 What? 55 00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,889 Um, there's a hair in my soup. 56 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:01,931 But I'll just eat around it. 57 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,349 What kind of hair? 58 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,143 Well, it's blue. 59 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,269 Six feet long... 60 00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:07,812 -Ew! -Ew! 61 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,272 It's my hair. 62 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,315 (gasps) 63 00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:11,649 Excuse me. 64 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,863 Your mother seems really upset about something. 65 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:19,073 I'd better go have a talk with her... 66 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,742 during the commercial. 67 00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:23,119 Now let's hear it for a great American. 68 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,788 Former president Gerald Ford. 69 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,082 Thank you, Krusty, for inviting me. 70 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,919 Well, all the good presidents turned us down. 71 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,963 Oh, well, I'd like to talk about a subject 72 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,507 that is very important to me. 73 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:40,053 {\an8}The Boy Scouts of America have molded men 74 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:43,765 for over 100 years... What are you-- 75 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:45,934 Uh... um... how's your wife, Nancy? 76 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,977 -Betty. -Who cares? 77 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,730 Oh, Marge... 78 00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:53,816 I just had a couple of beers. 79 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,069 (gasps) Eww! 80 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,112 ♪ Give me a head with hair ♪ 81 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,198 ♪ Long, beautiful hair ♪ 82 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:04,202 ♪ Shinin', gleamin', streamin', flaxen, waxen ♪ 83 00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,246 -♪ Give me down to there ♪ -♪ Hair ♪ 84 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,915 -♪ Shoulder-length, longer ♪ -♪ Hair ♪ 85 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,750 ♪ Here, baby... there, Mama ♪ 86 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,877 ♪ Everywhere, Daddy, Daddy ♪ 87 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:17,048 ♪ Hair... ♪ 88 00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:22,095 (suggestively) Marge, I was just watching women's volleyball on ESPN. 89 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,972 Mmm-mmm-mmm. 90 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:25,431 Come on. 91 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,934 There's no need for that baba-ma-bushka. 92 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,228 All right, but don't be shocked. 93 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:32,647 Oh, there's no way I could-- (screams) 94 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:37,151 Homie, I'm losing my hair. 95 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,445 Now, sweetie, don't worry about a thing. 96 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,156 I'll teach you to comb it over so no one can tell. 97 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,408 Just like my hair. 98 00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:48,121 (sobbing) 99 00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:52,375 Mrs. Simpson, there's no physical reason 100 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,877 why your hair should be falling out. 101 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,129 This thing has me buffaloed. 102 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,172 (chuckles) 103 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,591 Phone call, Mrs. Simpson. Lines one and two. 104 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:03,177 BART: Ma, I need a glass of milk. 105 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,262 LISA: Me too. 106 00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,555 (grumbling) 107 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:09,058 I think the problem may be stress. 108 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,729 I was just with Dr. Hibbert. 109 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,731 He said I was under a lot of stress 110 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,524 and should get some help. 111 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:19,694 Marge, whatever it takes to make you well, we'll do it. 112 00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:23,865 Well, I was thinking we could hire a nanny to help me out. 113 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:27,285 -A nanny? -But how am I supposed to pay for that? 114 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:28,745 We'll find a way. 115 00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,705 Mom has made so many sacrifices for us 116 00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:32,790 it's time we gave up something for her. 117 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,917 I'll stop buying Malibu Stacie clothing. 118 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,295 And I'll take up smoking and give that up. 119 00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:38,921 Good for you, son. 120 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,090 Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things 121 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,759 you'll ever have to do. 122 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,135 Have a dollar. 123 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,720 But he didn't do anything. 124 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:48,639 Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he? 125 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,017 Hey, wait a minute. He didn't! 126 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,603 Homie, please. I never ask for much, 127 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,897 but this is something I really need. 128 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,398 All right, Marge. 129 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,734 I'll get you your nanny. And to pay for it, 130 00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:03,529 I'll give up the civil war re-creation society I love so much. 131 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:08,242 Well, Homer's out. We got to find a new General Ambrose Burnside. 132 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:11,037 And I'm not too crazy about our Stonewall Jackson. 133 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,539 The South shall come again. 134 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,541 (doorbell ringing) 135 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,960 Hello. I'm Mrs. Pennyfeather. 136 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,838 I understand you're looking for a nanny. 137 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,841 -Pleased to meet you. -Wait a minute, Marge. 138 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,635 I saw "Mrs. Doubtfire." 139 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,887 This is a man in drag! 140 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,430 You're phony. 141 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:32,517 Fakey phoney broad! Gimme those! 142 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,685 Homer, if you're going to do this to every applicant, 143 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:35,978 we're never going to find one. 144 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,480 Sorry. 145 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,898 Hello. I'm Mrs. Periwinkle. 146 00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,817 -(growling) -(screams) 147 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,276 I'm here about the nanny job. 148 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,195 I'll keep a watchful eye on your kids, 149 00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,823 and if they get out of line... pow! 150 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,366 I like him. 151 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:49,826 Thanks. Where do you keep the liquor? 152 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,619 I hide a bottle of schnapps in the baby's crib. 153 00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:53,246 I'm sorry, young man. 154 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,747 You're not what we're looking for. 155 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,374 You're telling me, you blue-haired witch. 156 00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:57,792 I heard that! 157 00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:01,921 I guess we're not going to find anyone. 158 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,506 We have our own suggestions for the new nanny. 159 00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:04,841 Would you like to hear them? 160 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:08,136 You have my undivided attention. 161 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:11,597 (playing "Turkey in the Straw") 162 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,270 (humming) 163 00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:20,106 Well, I'd like to hear your suggestions. 164 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:22,692 Maestro, if you please. 165 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:27,405 (clears throat) 166 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:31,451 ♪ If you wish to be our sitter ♪ 167 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:35,246 ♪ Please be sweet and never bitter ♪ 168 00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:39,208 ♪ Help us with math and book reports ♪ 169 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:43,087 ♪ Might I add-- Eat my shorts ♪ 170 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,298 -Bart! -Just cuttin' through the treacle. 171 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:49,844 ♪ If Maggie's fussy, don't avoid her ♪ 172 00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:53,598 ♪ Let me get away with moider ♪ 173 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:57,477 ♪ Teach us songs and magic tricks ♪ 174 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,355 ♪ Might I add-- no fat chicks ♪ 175 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,483 Homer! 176 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:07,528 ♪ The nanny we want is kindly and sage ♪ 177 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:13,034 ♪ And one who will work for minimum wage ♪ 178 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:18,122 ♪ Hurry, nanny, things are grim ♪ 179 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,457 I'll do it! 180 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:23,461 ♪ Anyone but him ♪ 181 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,339 Well, that's nice, kids, 182 00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:27,924 but I don't know where 183 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,718 we're going to find anyone like that. 184 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,224 (coughing) 185 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,312 Whoo-whoo-whoo! 186 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:53,157 Hello. I'm Shary Bobbins. 187 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,617 Did you say Mary Pop-- 188 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,077 No, I definitely did not. 189 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,246 I'm an original creation like Rickey Rouse 190 00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,622 and Monald Muck. 191 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,290 Now, as your nanny, 192 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,626 I'll do everything from telling stories 193 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,044 to changing diapers. 194 00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:07,046 Put me down for one of each. 195 00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:13,302 Now, Miss Bobbins, if you want this job, 196 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,513 you're going to have to answer a few questions. 197 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,223 First, do you have any bad habits? 198 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,226 No. I'm practically perfect in every way. 199 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:22,520 Well, so am I. 200 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,355 (gulping loudly) 201 00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,232 (belching) Ah! 202 00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:29,277 (sighs) Okay. Question two. 203 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,987 Who was your last employer? 204 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,155 Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex. 205 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,283 (whispers) Marge, do we know them? 206 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:37,994 -No. -Come on. Isn't he the guy I bowl with? 207 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,870 -The black guy? -That's Carl. 208 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:43,124 Oh, yeah! So you worked for Carl, eh? 209 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:45,334 I have a question. Pop quiz, hotshot. 210 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,378 I'm supposed to be doing my homework, 211 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,839 but you find me upstairs reading a Playdude. 212 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:53,884 What do you do? What do you do? 213 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,470 I make you read every article in that magazine, 214 00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,806 including Norman Mailer's latest claptrap 215 00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:00,558 about his waning libido. 216 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:03,144 Ooh. She is tough. 217 00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:05,938 Shary Bobbins, you're just what we're looking for. 218 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,107 Very well. Come along, children. 219 00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:14,113 (penny whistle blows) 220 00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:20,119 My, she seems too good to be true. 221 00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,413 I'll say. Her butt waxed the bannister. 222 00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:25,166 Ooh! I can see myself. 223 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,834 All right, children. 224 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:28,044 Let's clean up this room. 225 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,920 -Oh, man! -Do we have to? 226 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,839 Now, now. I know a little secret 227 00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:34,008 that will make the job go twice as fast. 228 00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:35,801 (sprightly piano intro) 229 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,928 ♪ If there's a task that must be done ♪ 230 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:40,222 ♪ Don't turn your tail and run ♪ 231 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,391 ♪ Don't pout, don't sob ♪ 232 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:47,438 ♪ Just do a half-assed job ♪ 233 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,150 ♪ If... you... ♪ 234 00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:56,030 ♪ Cut every corner, it is really not so bad ♪ 235 00:10:56,113 --> 00:11:00,034 ♪ Everybody does it, even Mom and Dad ♪ 236 00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:01,869 (straining) 237 00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:06,332 ♪ If nobody sees it, then nobody gets mad ♪ 238 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:10,461 ♪ It's the American way ♪ 239 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,064 ♪ The policeman on the beat ♪ 240 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:32,817 ♪ Needs some time to rest his feet ♪ 241 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:36,654 ♪ Fighting crime is not my cup of tea ♪ 242 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,448 ♪ And the clerk who runs the store ♪ 243 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,450 ♪ Can charge a little more ♪ 244 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,662 -♪ For meat ♪ -♪ For meat ♪ 245 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:48,040 -♪ And milk ♪ -♪ And milk ♪ 246 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:54,755 -♪ From 1984 ♪ -♪ From 1984 ♪ 247 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:58,426 ♪ If... you... ♪ 248 00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:02,888 ♪ Cut every corner, you'll have more time for play ♪ 249 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:08,102 ♪ It's the American way ♪ 250 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:14,483 (pacifier squishing) 251 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,864 Hi-diddly-ho, Shary Bobbins. 252 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:21,949 Yo, Shary Bobbins. 253 00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:25,369 I picked you some posies, Shary Bobbins. 254 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,663 Oh, thank you, Nelson. 255 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,081 Aw, jeez. 256 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,333 (oompah musical intro) 257 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,337 (heavy brogue) ♪ I'm a maniac ♪ 258 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,715 ♪ Maniac, that's for sure ♪ 259 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:41,844 ♪ And I'm dancing like I've never danced before ♪ 260 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,554 Aye. 261 00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:45,306 That's the stuff. 262 00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:46,891 (feeble applause) 263 00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:50,352 Yeah. Thank you, you ungrateful bast... 264 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,229 Shary Bobbins! Is that you? 265 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,106 -Hello, Willie. -You know her? 266 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,442 Aye. Shary Bobbins and I 267 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,778 were engaged to be wed back in the old country. 268 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,155 Then she got her eyesight back. 269 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:02,990 Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow 270 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:04,700 wasn't good enough for her. 271 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,619 It's good to see you, Willie. 272 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:09,538 That's not what you said the first time you saw me! 273 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,793 Extra! Extra! 274 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,170 Ripper strikes in White Chapel! 275 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:21,842 Boy for sale! Boy for sale! 276 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,011 Is this legal, man? 277 00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,180 Only here and in Mississippi. 278 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:31,393 Oh, Shary Bobbins, this is ever so much fun. 279 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:34,021 With you, every day is Guy Fawkes day! 280 00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:37,817 Bah, humbug. 281 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,693 Oh, Mr. Burns, I think you'll find 282 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,821 all life's problems just float away 283 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,739 when you're flying a kite. 284 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,991 Balderdash. This is the silliest load of... 285 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,202 Ooh! Look at it fly! 286 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,454 Whee! Look at me, Smithers! 287 00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:54,166 I feel practically superduperfragicalicexpiala-- 288 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,376 D'oh! Oh! 289 00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:58,879 Ooh. What's this strange sensation in my chest? 290 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,631 I think your heart's beating again. 291 00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:02,800 Ooh. That takes me back. 292 00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:05,052 God bless you, Shary Bobbins. 293 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:08,597 That Shary Bobbins is a miracle worker! 294 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,433 The kids love her, the house is spotless, 295 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,477 and my hair's grown back! 296 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,897 It's so full and thick, it can support a beach umbrella. 297 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,650 Come to bed, Marge. 298 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:22,194 Oh! Ooh. 299 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,113 No, no. Leave it in. 300 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,406 (laughs) 301 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:26,657 He-he-he-he! 302 00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:29,785 It's 8:00, children. Time for bed. 303 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,120 But we're not sleepy. 304 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,163 Sing us a song, Shary Bobbins. 305 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,623 Yes, sing us a song! 306 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,417 I've been singing you songs all day. 307 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:37,751 I'm not a bloody jukebox! 308 00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:40,880 Oh, all right. 309 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,631 (slow piano intro) 310 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:52,016 ♪ In front of a tavern ♪ 311 00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:55,603 ♪ Flat on his face ♪ 312 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:59,398 ♪ A boozehound named Barney ♪ 313 00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:04,778 ♪ Is pleading his case ♪ 314 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,867 ♪ Buy me a beer ♪ 315 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:13,621 ♪ Two bucks a glass ♪ 316 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:16,790 ♪ Come on, help me ♪ 317 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:20,836 ♪ I'm freezing my ass ♪ 318 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,547 ♪ Buy me brandy ♪ 319 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:28,010 ♪ A snifter of wine ♪ 320 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:31,847 ♪ Who am I kidding? ♪ 321 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:37,478 ♪ I'll drink turpentine ♪ 322 00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:41,106 ♪ Move it, ya drunk ♪ 323 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:45,319 ♪ Or I'll blast your rear end ♪ 324 00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:48,489 ♪ I found two bucks ♪ 325 00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:53,035 ♪ Then come in, my friend ♪ 326 00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:59,416 SHARY: ♪ And so, let us leave ♪ 327 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:04,046 ♪ On this heartwarming scene ♪ 328 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:09,760 ♪ Can I be a boozehound? ♪ 329 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:16,600 ♪ Not till you're 15 ♪ 330 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,233 -More kippers, mum? -Oh, thank you. 331 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,694 Ooh, I can't get enough of this blood pudding. 332 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:29,196 The secret ingredient is blood. 333 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,156 Blood?! Ugh! 334 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,784 I'll just stick to the brain and kidney pie, thank you. 335 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,619 I believe my work here is done. 336 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,788 Thank you for everything. 337 00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:40,040 We'll miss you, Shary Bobbins. 338 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,834 You've changed me as well. 339 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:45,796 I'm no longer the money-driven workaholic I once was. 340 00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,256 I love you all. 341 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:55,222 Oh! To think I'll never hear those sweet voices again. 342 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,725 (screaming) Aw, you... you... 343 00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:00,644 -(gagging) -You little... 344 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:01,854 Oh. 345 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:07,109 (gasps) 346 00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:14,241 Oh. I'll just unpack my things. 347 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:18,871 I think we got our umbrellas switched! 348 00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:22,291 Whee! I never felt so alive! 349 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:26,170 (snoring) 350 00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:31,300 Little more... 351 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,427 Little more... 352 00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:36,013 Little more... 353 00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:39,183 -Too much. Take it back. -(groans) 354 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:42,352 MAN (on TV): Welcome back to "Before They Were Famous." 355 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,271 We all know Rainier Wolfcastle 356 00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:46,273 as the star of the blockbuster "McBain" movies 357 00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:47,733 but here's his first appearance 358 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,110 in a commercial in his native Austria. 359 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,154 (to the Oscar Mayer tune): ♪ Mein Bratwurst has a first name ♪ 360 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,281 ♪ It's F-R-I-T-Z ♪ 361 00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:56,742 ♪ Mein bratwurst has a second name ♪ 362 00:17:56,825 --> 00:18:03,082 ♪ It's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N- P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N... ♪ 363 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:05,834 Shary Bobbins! I want another beer. 364 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,212 -Well, you know, Homer... -(piano introduction) 365 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:10,839 ♪ If there's a job that must be done ♪ 366 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,966 ♪ You'll find it's much more fun... ♪ 367 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:17,721 You'll find it's even more fun if you get it for me. 368 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:20,182 ♪ But the beer will taste more sweet ♪ 369 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,142 ♪ If you get up off your seat ♪ 370 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,645 Lady, the man asked for a beer, not a song. 371 00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,980 Do-re-mi-fa-so... 372 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,441 Now, let's take a look at a young Charles Bronson's brief stint 373 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,486 replacing Andy Griffith in "The Andy Griffith Show." 374 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:34,863 Where's Otis? He's not in his cell. 375 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,032 -I shot him. -Well, that's-- What? 376 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,409 Now I'm going down to Emmett's Fix-It Shop... 377 00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:40,661 to fix Emmett. 378 00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:43,956 (The Andy Griffith Show theme playing) 379 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:53,340 Bart Simpson, this room is a frightful mess. 380 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,217 I'll get right on it. 381 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,677 Bart, don't you remember? 382 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,220 Cleaning up can be a game. 383 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,555 I got a better game. 384 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,348 It's called "whipping cupcakes." 385 00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,354 ♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show! ♪ 386 00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:14,736 ♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪ 387 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:19,074 ♪ And I'm wonderin' what it is I should do... ♪ 388 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:23,453 ♪ It's so hard to keep the smile from my face ♪ 389 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,122 (Scratchy screaming) 390 00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:26,415 (giggles) 391 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,000 What I'm trying to say in this cartoon 392 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,668 is that violence is everywhere in our society, you know. 393 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,420 It's, like, even in breakfast cereals, man. 394 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,966 (playing "Miserlou") 395 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:43,599 Lisa, don't sit in front of that telly like a fly stuck on a toffee. 396 00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:46,101 It's a great big world out there. 397 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,520 -Been there, done it. -I know! 398 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,480 We could have a tea party on the ceiling. 399 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:51,732 Shh. TV. 400 00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:54,776 Oh, you people will be the death of me. 401 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,445 (sobbing) 402 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,534 ♪ Wasted away again in Margaritaville... ♪ 403 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,246 ♪ Searching for my lost shaker of salt... ♪ 404 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,624 Oh, here it is. 405 00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,961 Aw, that poor woman. 406 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,755 We've crushed her gentle spirit. 407 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:18,467 You people should be ashamed of yourselves. 408 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,222 Shary, you did the best you could 409 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,224 but you can't change this family 410 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,975 and neither can I. 411 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:31,146 From now on, I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride. 412 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,106 But haven't I taught you people anything? 413 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:34,107 -Nope. -No. 414 00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:35,776 -Nope. -No. 415 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:39,154 -So you like it this way? -Indubitably! 416 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,448 ♪ Around the house ♪ 417 00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:43,992 ♪ I never lift a finger ♪ 418 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:48,288 ♪ As a husband and father, I'm sub-par ♪ 419 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,123 ♪ I'd rather drink a beer ♪ 420 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,251 ♪ Than win father of the year ♪ 421 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:56,046 ♪ I'm happy with things the way they are ♪ 422 00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:59,925 {\an8}♪ I'm getting used to never getting noticed ♪ 423 00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:03,720 {\an8}♪ I'm stuck here till I can steal a car ♪ 424 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,722 ♪ The house is still a mess ♪ 425 00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,683 ♪ And I'm going bald from stress ♪ 426 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:11,645 ♪ But we're happy just the way we are! ♪ 427 00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,192 ♪ They're not perfect ♪ 428 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,111 ♪ But the Lord says "love thy neighbor" ♪ 429 00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:20,362 ♪ Shut up, Flanders ♪ 430 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:23,073 ♪ Okely-dokely-do ♪ 431 00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:25,033 ♪ Don't think it's sour grapes ♪ 432 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,119 ♪ But you're all a bunch of apes ♪ 433 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:32,082 ♪ And so I must be leaving you ♪ 434 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,091 Good-bye, Shary Bobbins! 435 00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:43,051 Thanks for everything. 436 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,720 So long, Superman. 437 00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:47,097 Do you think we'll ever see her again? 438 00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:49,850 I'm sure we will, honey. 439 00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:52,269 I'm sure we will. 440 00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:58,483 ♪♪ 441 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:40,233 Shh! 442 00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:47,032 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.