1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,214 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:07,215 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,552 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:12,887 -(screams) -(tires screech) 5 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:17,976 (screams) 6 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:38,997 {\an8}Tonight on "Eye on Springfield"-- 7 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,958 {\an8}Opening day at the world's first two-story outhouse. 8 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,919 {\an8}MAN: Oh, God! Stop! 9 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:49,215 {\an8}A comedy nurse who's laughing all the way to the blood bank. 10 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:53,511 {\an8}Okay, how many of you are here for shoulder surgery, huh? 11 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,805 {\an8}(people groaning) 12 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,098 {\an8}Gotcha! 13 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,934 {\an8}But first, move over, Baltimore. 14 00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,729 {\an8}Springfield has stolen your idea. 15 00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,606 {\an8}I'm walking on the waterfront-- 16 00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:07,484 {\an8}Once the center of a thriving squid-gutting industry, 17 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,944 {\an8}now abandoned by all but a few longshoremen 18 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:11,613 {\an8}and allied tradespeople. 19 00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:13,740 {\an8}But the decades of rot will end 20 00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:16,242 {\an8}with the opening of the South Street Squidport, 21 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,660 {\an8}an upscale shopping promenade 22 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,954 {\an8}with authentic maritime theming. 23 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:22,874 And to kick it all off in style 24 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:26,961 area merchants will host a black-tie gala Saturday night. 25 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:30,006 Ooh, that sounds fabulous, Homer. 26 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,800 {\an8}Stores throw the best parties. 27 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,635 {\an8}You like parties, huh? 28 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:35,804 {\an8}Well, I just remembered they're having a big one 29 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,806 {\an8}down at the waterfront this weekend. 30 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,015 {\an8}You didn't remember that. 31 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,600 {\an8}You just saw it on TV. 32 00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:42,852 {\an8}The important thing is I didn't imagine it. 33 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:47,232 {\an8}I can't get enough of "The BabySitter Twins." 34 00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:48,983 {\an8}They arrested the counterfeiters, 35 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:52,654 {\an8}rescued the president and made four dollars. 36 00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:54,906 I love everything about the world of baby-sitting-- 37 00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:58,535 The responsibility, the obligation, the pressure... 38 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,870 And full refrigerator privileges. 39 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,915 That's a trust, Janey, a sacred trust. 40 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:06,793 jeez, lighten up, Lisa. 41 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,878 {\an8}(organ plays) 42 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,464 LOVEJOY: That concludes our service. 43 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,383 All right, I have two announcements. 44 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,801 Friday you will have the chance 45 00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:17,554 to party down in the church basement 46 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:20,598 to the Jesus rock stylings of Testament. 47 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,268 That's Friday, 6 p.m. sharp. 48 00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:26,396 All the best bands are affiliated with Satan. 49 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:30,483 Also, anyone in need of a reliable and affordable baby-sitter 50 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,485 should call Lisa Simpson. 51 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,654 Mention the topic of today's sermon 52 00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:36,698 to get a dollar off. 53 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:39,617 (man coughing) 54 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:40,869 (clearing throat) 55 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:42,120 The topic was love. 56 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,707 Why hasn't anyone called? 57 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:49,335 Maybe people don't want an eight-year-old baby-sitter, honey. 58 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,129 Parents need to be sure 59 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,298 their sitter can handle anything that might happen. 60 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:55,383 That's why they hire teenagers. 61 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,760 But, but I'm very mature for my age. 62 00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:00,180 People often mistake me for nine. 63 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,723 (doorbell chimes) 64 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:05,894 Homer, I've got a Fozzie of a bear of a problem. 65 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,688 That Maude and her mother were visiting Tyre and Sidon, 66 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,148 the twin cities of the holy land. 67 00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,399 They must have kneeled in the wrong place 68 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,651 and prayed to the wrong god 69 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,946 because, well, they're being held prisoner by militants of some sort. 70 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,824 Militants, huh? Well, if I were you, I'd kick their asses. 71 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,784 Well, any hoodily-doodle, the embassy says 72 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,286 it's just a routine hostage taking 73 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,705 but I have to drive to Capitol City, 74 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:26,998 fill out some forms to get them out. 75 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:29,125 Could you possibly watch the kids tonight? 76 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,754 Oh, gee, I'd really love to want to help you, Flanders 77 00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:35,965 but, uh... Marge was... 78 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,677 Taken prisoner in, uh... 79 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,012 Holy land, and, uh... 80 00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:43,389 I'll do it! I'll baby-sit! 81 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,474 Well, I don't know, Lisa. 82 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,850 You're awfully young, 83 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,936 and the boys can be a handful. 84 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:50,313 Todd's been pinching everyone lately. 85 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,773 But I'm smart and responsible 86 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,983 and my parents will be right next door. 87 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,027 Well, what do you say, Homer? 88 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,570 Can Lisa baby-sit for my kids? 89 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:58,571 Please, please, please? 90 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,198 Well, I'll have to ask her. 91 00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:06,996 Where are the dice? 92 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,707 Daddy says dice are wicked. 93 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,793 We just move one space at a time. 94 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,461 It's less fun that way. 95 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:15,755 -Moth! Moth! -Moth! Moth! 96 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,966 Moth-moth-moth! 97 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,425 Don't worry. 98 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,219 A moth is no more harmful than a ladybug. 99 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,762 -A ladybug? -A ladybug? 100 00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:25,807 (both screaming) 101 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:29,352 Uh, they're going to get eaten alive in middle school. 102 00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:30,853 And thank you for sending Lisa 103 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,147 to protect us from the bug you sent. 104 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:37,735 And please make Lisa tell us a bedtime story... 105 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,612 about robots... 106 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,447 named Rod and Todd. 107 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:42,699 Amen. 108 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,537 Once there was a robot named Todd... 109 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:48,913 Did he have a brother? 110 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,791 Yes, he had a brother robot named Rod 111 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:54,669 who was two space years older than him. 112 00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:56,629 I don't like this story! 113 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,632 Oh, imagine that: 114 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:02,635 sleeping quietly after a bug attack 115 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,887 and Todd's as dry as a bone. 116 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,472 Lisa, you're a wonder. 117 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:09,267 I'm going to recommend you to everybody. 118 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,270 So long, Lisa. 119 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:15,690 If anything goes wrong, just dial 911. 120 00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:17,608 Unless it's an emergency. 121 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,694 LISA: Okay, chief. Enjoy Bob Saget. 122 00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:22,655 Ha! It's Bob Seger. 123 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,449 Aw, crap. 124 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,909 Now, put your left leg into the left side 125 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,786 of the pants and you're done. 126 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,664 I dressed myself. 127 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,752 Hey, Dad. How come you're wearing a tuxedo? 128 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,629 Going to that fancy waterfront party tomorrow. 129 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,131 Why are you wearing it now? 130 00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:41,716 It's like a rent-a-car, son. 131 00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:44,886 You get all the mileage you can, then ball it up 132 00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,846 and cram it through the mail slot. 133 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,725 (car door slams) 134 00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,727 LISA: Thanks for the ride. 135 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,979 You did a first-rate job of baby-sitting. 136 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,315 I've never seen such a responsible young lady. 137 00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:58,900 Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. 138 00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:00,777 Your trust means so much to me. 139 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,821 I only wish my Volvo mechanic were as reliable. 140 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:04,906 (chuckling) 141 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,199 Good night, Lisa. 142 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,039 You made all that money 143 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:16,084 for sitting around and watching TV and eating food? 144 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,086 There's a lot more to it than that, Bart. 145 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,629 I don't just baby-sit. 146 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:22,465 I sell peace of mind for a dollar an hour. 147 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,300 Two dollars after 9:00. 148 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,094 Man, if I was making that kind of money 149 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:27,720 I'd be out of here so fast... 150 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,893 (giggles) 151 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,937 LISA: You look so glamorous, Mom. 152 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:39,065 Oh, and you smell like vanilla flowers. 153 00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:40,858 Dad, you look totally classy. 154 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,652 You could be Abe Lincoln's father's boss. 155 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,404 Can you see the pie stains? 156 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,822 It'll be dark. 157 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,698 So, when's Grampa getting here to baby-sit? 158 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,909 Mmm, Grampa's not coming. 159 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,036 Oh, not Patty and Selma. 160 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,206 Actually, Bart, Lisa's going to be in charge tonight. 161 00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:57,166 -What? -I know she's young, 162 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,086 but Lisa has proven herself mature and dependable. 163 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,712 Dad, help me out. 164 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,005 Take it like a man, boy, 165 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,674 and do everything your little sister says. 166 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,175 This is an outrage. 167 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,219 I am two years and 38 days older than she is! 168 00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:10,763 This is the greatest injustice in the history of the world! 169 00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,265 Well, we have to run. 170 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:13,516 I'm sure you kids will work things out. 171 00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:14,642 Good night. 172 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,938 Make sure he brushes his teeth, Lisa. 173 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,405 Bart, I know you're not wild 174 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,948 about having me for a babysitter 175 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,159 but I'm not some ogre. 176 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,536 I think you will find me fair and fun. 177 00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:34,996 You're dead. 178 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,497 You should wash up for dinner. 179 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,708 To make it fun, you can use the Mr. Bubble. 180 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:41,002 It'll be like giving your fingers a bubble bath. 181 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:42,420 You are so dead. 182 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,379 (clattering) 183 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:48,426 Ah, I love this pedestrian mall. 184 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,428 It's practically no traffic. 185 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:51,554 (honking horn) 186 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,598 (gasping) 187 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:56,184 Mmm. I don't think we should be driving here. 188 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,311 The mayor's yelling at us. 189 00:07:58,394 --> 00:07:59,395 MAN: Stop, you idiots! 190 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,938 All right, all right. 191 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,482 Jeez. 192 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,442 Okay, honey, remember where we're parked. 193 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,077 May I have some more lima beans, please? 194 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,245 Certainly. 195 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,246 More than that. 196 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,831 Certainly. 197 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,208 More. 198 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,211 More. More. 199 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,087 Maybe you should eat the ones you have. 200 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,048 I didn't say I was going to eat them. 201 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:28,466 I just wanted to look at them 202 00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,634 because they're so gross. 203 00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:31,385 What's for dessert? 204 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,596 Bart, if you don't want to have a baby-sitter, 205 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,182 maybe you should stop being such a baby. 206 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,850 Oh, I'm a baby, huh? 207 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,644 Well, then, I'll act like a baby. 208 00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:42,104 Ga-ga-goo-goo. 209 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,024 Even babies know how to open and close their mouths. 210 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,025 You need a bib. 211 00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,736 Oh, baby hate bib. 212 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,197 Waah! Waah! Waaah! Waaah! 213 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,491 (crying) 214 00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:55,034 Oh, look, Bart. 215 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,494 Now you got Maggie all upset. 216 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,412 Relax. I'll give her some ice cream. 217 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,456 (slurping) 218 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,460 Bart, that's coffee ice cream. 219 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,420 It has caffeine in it. 220 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,339 Well, I guess that'll make things more interesting 221 00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:09,840 for you now, won't it? 222 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:16,973 Ooh! It's so beautiful. 223 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,267 This is what I imagine Paris must be like. 224 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,851 You've never been? 225 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,062 I'm so honored that Springfield has been chosen 226 00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,439 to host all these upscale chain stores. 227 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:28,150 I guess this makes us yuppies, huh, Homie? 228 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,319 Nah, I'm really more of a slacker. 229 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,321 Ooh! 230 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,323 Malaria Zone. 231 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,284 That's where all the explorers shop. 232 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,577 Look, Marge! 233 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,288 A restaurant owned by celebrities. 234 00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:42,540 I always wanted to be a celebrity. 235 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,668 Ha-ha! Yes, it's true. 236 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:50,298 The entire menu was personally approved by my secretary. 237 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,049 Isn't that clever? 238 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,802 It looks like a Cadillac drove right into the building. 239 00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,137 Help me. 240 00:09:56,220 --> 00:10:00,266 Wow. Even Moe's moved to fancy new digs. 241 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,860 Hey, this isn't faux dive. 242 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,486 This is a dive. 243 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:15,197 You're a long way from home, yuppie boy. 244 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,991 I'll start a tab. 245 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:21,954 Maggie, if you come down, I'll give you some more coffee. 246 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,206 Lots more coffee. 247 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,083 (fast sucking sounds) 248 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,377 Are you getting ready for bed, Bart? 249 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,004 I am! 250 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:31,464 That's right. 251 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:33,841 I want the 25-foot Italian party sub. 252 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,551 And don't skimp on the vinegar. 253 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,386 It's time Lisa learned 254 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,139 what baby-sitting Bart Simpson is all about. 255 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,561 Um, yes, I'd like to host an A.A. meeting. 256 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,563 Tonight if possible. 257 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,774 Come on, Maggie. 258 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:52,360 Good Maggie. 259 00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:56,447 The talcum powder's not to play with. 260 00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:58,324 (coughing) 261 00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,700 (groaning) Ohh... 262 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:06,165 Okay, Bart now it's really time for you to go to bed. 263 00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:12,588 (grunting) 264 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,800 Why do you have to make this so hard? 265 00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,968 I'm using nonviolent resistance. 266 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:21,722 The idea that you would compare yourself to Mahatma Gandhi... 267 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,516 -Who? -(doorbell chimes) 268 00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:24,892 I'll answer it. 269 00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:25,851 You go to bed. 270 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,691 Good evening there, miss. 271 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,234 Here's your giant sub 272 00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,695 swimming in vinegar just the way you like it. 273 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,698 It's going to be $225 plus tip. 274 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,492 What? I didn't order any giant sub. 275 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:42,993 (doorbell chimes) 276 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:44,954 Hey, hey! 277 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,580 Are you ready to get rowdy? 278 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,374 Excuse me? 279 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:51,001 Somebody hired me for an emergency bachelor party. 280 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:53,212 Well, there's been a mistake. 281 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:56,549 Well, I'm not leaving till I get paid. 282 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,426 I get 500 just for "Hey, hey." 283 00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,052 (siren wailing) 284 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,012 Who called for an emergency sisterectomy? 285 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,639 (growls) 286 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,558 (shutter clicks) 287 00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:06,767 (doorbell chimes) 288 00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,102 We got a report 289 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,604 that a Lisa Simpson spotted a U.F.O. 290 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,773 I didn't see any U.F.O.! 291 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,316 That's right, miss. 292 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,693 You didn't. 293 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,281 I'm here to pick up the ambassador from Ghana. 294 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,616 Well, he's not here! Nobody's here! 295 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:23,951 None of you should be here! 296 00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,661 You've all been tricked! 297 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,997 Why would the ambassador do such a thing? 298 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,081 This is ridiculous. 299 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,207 I'm going to bill them later. 300 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,085 Bart, you are going to be 301 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:36,046 in so much trouble when Mom and Dad get home. 302 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,465 Now, go to bed! 303 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:38,966 You're the boss. 304 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,595 (groans) 305 00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,805 I thought I told you to go to bed. 306 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,390 Yeah, right. Bread. 307 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,184 You said go to "bread." 308 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,644 I said go to bed. 309 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,396 Yeah, go to "bread." 310 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,648 B-E-D! Bed! 311 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:57,902 Oh... Bed. 312 00:12:57,985 --> 00:12:59,028 Oh. 313 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,446 Well, anything you say, sis. 314 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,412 You didn't say which bed. 315 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:10,039 Go to your bed! 316 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,207 -Make me. -I'll make you. 317 00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:14,210 If you want me, you got to catch me. 318 00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:15,961 (snarls) 319 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,005 -Almost. -(snarls) 320 00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:20,424 -Oh, so close. -Bart! 321 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,135 (grunting) 322 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,971 Son of a-- 323 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,934 Oh, my God. 324 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,102 Okay, we'll call it even 325 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,146 if I can just have some of that big sandwich. 326 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,898 Oh... 327 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:37,733 I'll come back. 328 00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:44,323 Bart, are you okay? 329 00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,867 Ohh. Yeah, I think so. 330 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:50,079 It's just a bump on my head. 331 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,288 Ew, your arm. 332 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,873 It's got extra corners. 333 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,459 Yah! Oh, cool. 334 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,253 It must be dislocated or something. 335 00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,463 We have to get you to the emergency room. 336 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,091 And get this fixed? What's the rush? 337 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,342 Don't you want everyone to see 338 00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,427 what a responsible baby-sitter you were? 339 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,888 Stop it. Stand still. 340 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,348 Maybe I can pop it back in. 341 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,684 No, I'm going to preserve the evidence 342 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,853 until Mom and Dad get home. 343 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,813 And you'll never baby-sit again! 344 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:18,858 (door slams, locks) 345 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,734 You know, honey 346 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,778 when I think of all the good times we've had together... 347 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,530 Yeow! 348 00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,156 Did you see that, Marge? 349 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,284 Oh, my God, you walked into the fountain. 350 00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,119 Get out of the fountain! 351 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,203 (shrieking) 352 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,663 I can't get out. 353 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,999 Just stand still and I'll get someone. 354 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,167 I can't get out. 355 00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,128 (sobbing) 356 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:43,257 (crowd laughing) 357 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,343 Don't laugh at me. 358 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:49,305 I was once like you. 359 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,432 Bart, you need first aid. 360 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:52,850 Let me in. 361 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,102 I'm afraid you'll hurt me again. 362 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,896 Bart, if you come out, 363 00:14:56,979 --> 00:15:00,024 I'll let you eat raw cookie dough. 364 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,775 I'll let you... 365 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,236 ride the lawn mower through the house. 366 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,780 Come on, open the door! 367 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,781 (pounding) 368 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,366 What are you doing now? 369 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:10,868 BART: I'm banging my head. 370 00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:12,786 I'm going to make the lump even bigger. 371 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,789 (chuckling) 372 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,791 No! As your baby-sitter 373 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,586 I order you to stop hitting your head on the wall! 374 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,088 (thump) 375 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,048 Bart? 376 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,969 Did you stop because I said to? 377 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:32,431 If so, thank you. 378 00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:33,849 Bart? 379 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,060 (whimpering) 380 00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:37,436 (gasps) 381 00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:42,691 (gasps) 382 00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:44,985 (beeping) 383 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,028 WOMAN: 911. 384 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,905 Hello, this is Lisa Simpson... 385 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,449 Simpson? Look, we've already been out there tonight 386 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,201 for a sisterectomy, 387 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,787 a case of severe butt-rot, and a leprechaun bite. 388 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,747 How dumb do you think we are? 389 00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,207 (dial tone) 390 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,792 Oh. 391 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,043 Wait. Dr. Hibbert. 392 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:12,846 Hmm... 393 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,725 Dislocated shoulder, bump on the noggin. 394 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,435 My diagnosis? 395 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:19,728 Bad baby-sitting. 396 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,316 Well, near as we can tell, 397 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,901 the boy was studying quietly, 398 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,361 when the girl, 399 00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:29,446 drunk on her own sense of power, 400 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:33,033 beat him silly with a block of frozen lima beans. 401 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,702 It's true! 402 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,830 Young lady, you will never baby-sit again. 403 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:40,249 I am so disappointed. 404 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,917 (echoing) 405 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:48,424 Oh, well, I guess I don't have a choice. 406 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,971 "Complete confidentiality"? 407 00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:57,099 Oh? And I'm sure he's as good as Dr. Hibbert. 408 00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,892 {\an8}It says so right in his ad. 409 00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:03,856 What's the matter, Marge? 410 00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:05,691 I thought you loved Jell-O shooters. 411 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,735 (slurping) 412 00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,820 Oh, I do. 413 00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,989 I'm just a little concerned about the kids. 414 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:13,866 Maybe I should call. 415 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,909 Oh, come on, Marge, relax. 416 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,911 Lisa's in charge. 417 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,955 She's the responsible one. 418 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:20,998 (grunts) 419 00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:22,541 Hold on, Bart. 420 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,585 Everything's going to be just fine. 421 00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:26,211 I'm going to get you to a doctor. 422 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,047 He will fix you up. 423 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,883 And by this time tomorrow, we'll all be a happy family. 424 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:32,885 Happy, happy, happy family. 425 00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,762 (babbling) 426 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,930 Maggie! 427 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:50,152 Please, Maggie. Please go to sleep. 428 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:03,957 Yo, um, I must have, like, fallen on a bullet, 429 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,710 and it, like, drove itself into my gut. 430 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,547 Hey, don't worry. 431 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,800 You don't have to make up stories here. 432 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,885 Save that for court. 433 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,973 Um, excuse me, Mr. Smithers. 434 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,809 Bart may be seriously hurt. 435 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,811 Could we possibly go ahead of you? 436 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,646 Um... No. 437 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,148 I really would rather get this taken care of. 438 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,984 Excuse me, little lady. 439 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,319 The wheelbarrow line is over there. 440 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:37,116 Ooh, loneliness and cheeseburgers 441 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,118 are a dangerous mix. 442 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,619 (groans) 443 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:45,999 (siren blaring) 444 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,668 Hold it right there. 445 00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,421 Well, if it isn't Springfield's 446 00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:54,174 finest little baby-sitter, Lisa Simpson. 447 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,177 -Hi. How are you? -Um, I'm fine. 448 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,720 Now, Lisa, when you're walking 449 00:18:58,804 --> 00:18:59,847 down the side of the road, 450 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,098 you always want to be sure 451 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,600 to go with traffic, okay? 452 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,978 Well, is that with traffic or against traffic? 453 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:06,979 No, it's with traffic-- with traffic. 454 00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:08,480 Anyway, good night. 455 00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:10,357 (sighs) 456 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,025 Uh, hold on a minute. 457 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,820 Let me have a look at that wheelbarrow, please. 458 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,363 Okay. 459 00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:21,869 Just as I thought. 460 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:24,037 It's a Yard King. 461 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,831 That is a quality barrow. 462 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,875 Well, I got to run. 463 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,918 (engine starting) 464 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,379 (car departs) 465 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,298 Oh, God. 466 00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:35,549 Where's Bart? 467 00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,593 (gasps) 468 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,929 (Lisa moaning) 469 00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:44,975 (moaning) 470 00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:50,856 (grunts) 471 00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:53,025 Oh, Bart, I'm so sorry. 472 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:55,485 This is all like a bad dream. 473 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,362 (switch clicks) 474 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,364 Citizens of Springfield, 475 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,700 I officially declare this-- 476 00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,827 What the hell is that? 477 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,954 Why, it's Lisa Simpson 478 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,456 and look what she's doing. 479 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,041 (crowd gasping) 480 00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,626 MAN: I don't believe it. 481 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,127 She's murdered her brother. 482 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,755 And she's trying to dump the body in the harbor. 483 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:15,881 Well, duh. 484 00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,925 And as a grim finale, 485 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,928 she intends to drown that poor caged baby. 486 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,347 What's happening? Where am I? 487 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,140 And she's on drugs! 488 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,059 Give me the drugs, Lisa. 489 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,936 Dad, I am not on drugs. 490 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:29,978 I was just trying... 491 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,313 Oh, his arm! 492 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,232 Oh, my special little guy. 493 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:34,441 Are you okay? 494 00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:37,319 Hmm. Dislocated shoulder, 495 00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,946 bump on the noggin. 496 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,948 My diagnosis? 497 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,991 A rather nasty fall... 498 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,077 caused by bad baby-sitting! 499 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,038 (crowd gasping) 500 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:53,794 Hey, Bart. 501 00:20:53,877 --> 00:20:56,213 -How's your arm? -It's all right. 502 00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:58,298 I was hoping they'd give me one of them steel claws, 503 00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,383 but what are you going to do? 504 00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:01,134 Hmm. 505 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:05,055 I'm... I'm sorry I was such a jerk last night. 506 00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:08,308 I guess I sort of ruined your baby-sitting business. 507 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:10,519 Yeah, well, that's okay. 508 00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:13,397 I can always sell seeds. 509 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,107 Do you want some seeds? 510 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,651 -No, thanks. -Oh. 511 00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:18,652 (ringing) 512 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:19,903 Hello. 513 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:21,571 World's worst baby-sitter speaking. 514 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,532 DR. HIBBERT: Lisa, I'm glad I reached you. 515 00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:25,117 Are you available to baby-sit tonight? 516 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,119 Aren't you afraid I might take drugs 517 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:28,745 and injure your children? 518 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:30,372 Yes, that is a concern, 519 00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,499 but it's so hard to find a sitter, 520 00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:34,042 and I've got judo tonight. 521 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,919 -(beep) -Um, okay. 522 00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:37,879 I'm sorry. Can you hold on, please? 523 00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:39,172 Hello. 524 00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:40,173 FLANDERS: Lisa, Ned Flanders. 525 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:41,925 You available tonight? 526 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:43,552 Didn't you hear I almost killed my brother? 527 00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:45,053 FLANDERS: You did? 528 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,179 Just a minute. 529 00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:48,974 (muffled conversation) 530 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,269 What time can you come over? 531 00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:00,736 {\an8}♪♪ 532 00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:39,941 Shh! 533 00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:46,323 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.