♪ The Simpsons ♪
(tires screech)
D'oh!
-Ahh! -(tires screech)
(popping)
SKINNER (on PA): And finally,
the bake sale to raise money for the car wash
has been canceled due to confusion.
Well, that concludes this morning's announcements.
I'm Seymour Skinner, and stand by to resume learning
in five, four, three...
Oh! It's hard enough to keep the kids awake
without you, Seymour.
(all gasping)
Mrs. Krabappel,
I also have an announcement to make.
Can't it wait till I retire?
(clears throat)
I want one and all to join me in celebrating
the anniversary of my portentous birth.
Here you are, Nelson.
A birthday party?
(blows raspberry)
Here you are, Nelson.
(blows raspberry)
Here you are, Nelson.
I said... (blows raspberry)
(engine revving)
All right, men.
Get ready to blast off.
Whoo!
We're in orbit now.
What's that? A call from the president?
Hello?
(imitating Nixon): Ah, yes.
Let me just say this about that.
Okay, Mr. President.
Bart, this is boring.
I guess we could go to Martin's party.
I don't know.
If we're seen there, it'll definitely take
our social standing down a notch.
We're at what now? Three?
Three and a half.
We get beat up, but we get an explanation.
(continues imitating Nixon) Beautiful colors. Never has--
Mayday! Mayday!
♪♪
Hmm.
Bart!
Uh, Mrs. K. Hey, it's Saturday.
Your powers are useless against me.
Relax. I'm just here to have fun like everybody else.
Don't think of me as a teacher.
Okay.
So...
Mm-hmm.
(nervous laughter)
(sighing)
Excuse me.
(pitiful whimpering)
(crying) Mama!
Hey, Houdini, why don't you saw Martin in half?
Oh, I'm not the kind of magician who does tricks.
I'm a math-e-magician.
(all groaning)
Oh, man.
Now, prepare to marvel at the mysteries of the universe
as I make this remainder disappear.
(chuckling)
But seven goes into 28 four times.
Uh-- this is a magic seven!
(children chattering)
Edna!
Seymour.
Mind if I sit down?
Hmph! It's a free country.
I... I don't follow you.
Oh, just sit down, Seymour.
It might be nice to talk to a grownup for a change.
Well, this party is certainly a break in my routine.
You know, normally I spend my Saturdays
carefully laying out my clothes for the following week.
Then I stroll down to the car wash to see if Gus is there.
Oh, yeah. You've got to keep busy.
I collect matchbooks from glamorous nightclubs.
It's amazing.
It you just write to them and ask them nicely...
Is this...
How you imagined your life, Edna?
Well, yes, but then, I was a very depressed child.
To poor decisions.
Hear, hear.
WOMAN: Seymour! I told you
not to play in the neighbor's yard.
It's a party, Mother.
I was invited.
Well...
Then I must've been invited, too.
Help me, Edna.
I know where we can hole up for a while.
(crying)
That's it. Looking good.
Getting warm.
Uh... I feel queasy.
Don't stop, Milhouse.
You're so close.
I got to barf.
Where's the bathroom?
(kids screaming)
(all moaning and groaning)
Oh, my tummy!
I told you we should've served cake instead of oysters.
I'm ruined!
Ha-ha!
(groaning)
(siren wails)
(Lisa groaning)
Bart, how come you're not sick?
Eh! I gave my oysters to the cat.
(retching)
Hey, why'd you eat them?
I thought you were a vegetarian.
I didn't. I just wanted to leave.
(fake groaning)
More tea, Edna?
What kind of little boy has a tea set?
Hmm! I think we both know the answer to that.
A lucky boy.
You know, Seymour,
there's an innocence about you that can be quite charming.
Oh! Well, I've always admired your tart honesty
and ability to be personally offended by broad social trends.
Oh, really?
Mm-hmm. Very much.
And your laugh.
You mean, "Ha"?
Mm-hmm. That's the one that makes me feel...
(breathing heavily)
Oh, boy. (clears throat)
You have a breath mint I could borrow?
I've got some menthol cigarettes.
Oh, the heck with it.
BART: You are never going to guess what I saw at Martin's party
after you guys left.
You know that playhouse? Well, I--
-Good gravy! -Oh, thank you.
It's just brown and water.
So I looked in the window and there it was.
The grossest sight I have ever...
SKINNER (on PA): Bart Simpson, report to
the principal's office immediately.
Now, Bart... son...
I don't know what you think you saw
but, let me assure you...
What Seymour... Oh...
What Principal Skinner means to say, Bart,
is that sometimes a little boy's imagination
can run away with him.
That's the best you can do?
You could have at least said you were giving her C.P.R.
or rehearsing a play.
Is it too late to say that?
Mm-hmm.
(clears throat)
We're just a little concerned.
If people were to find out
the principal was dating a teacher,
they might see it as a conflict of interest.
(laughs)
And... There are those
who might try to use it against us
for their own advantage.
Like me, for one.
Like you, for...
Bart, if life has taught me one lesson repeatedly,
it's to know when I'm beaten.
Let's talk deal.
(grunts)
As you know, Bart,
your permanent record will one day disqualify you
from all but the hottest and noisiest jobs.
What do you say, son?
You keep our secret,
and some other student can inherit your gloomy
windblown future.
Deal.
This is a great day for forbidden love.
Mmm. This dessert is exquisite.
What do you call it?
Applesauce.
(chuckles) Oh, of course.
I'm sorry. I don't get out to restaurants much.
That's okay. I don't entertain much.
Usually it's just soup for one, salad for one,
wine for three.
(laughs) You know, I always thought
I'd fall for a woman just like Mother...
even though I didn't want to.
And now that I haven't,
I've discovered what true happiness can be, Edna.
Seymour, swallow that applesauce
and kiss me.
I'm afraid I already swallowed it while you were talking.
Mmm...
(Edna giggling)
Mmm...
Good morning, students. Way to go there, Wendell.
There's Ralph-- He knows the score.
Jimbo, how's that hat today?
Janie, Janie, bo-phaney!
The only way to survive a deadly blaze is...
Oh, heck, life's too short for fire safety.
Let's go outside and pick wild flowers.
(cheering)
SKINNER (on PA): Bart Simpson to the principal's office.
Post haste.
(Skinner humming "Eine kleine nacht musik")
Bart, so good to see you.
I have a little favor to ask you.
I'd like you to give this note
to Edna when you get back to class.
I don't think I have to tell you
it's for her eyes only.
"Dear Edna"-- (mumbling)
(sing-song) I hear reading.
Do you think anyone saw us?
No. It went just as we planned.
Except they confiscated my thermos of cola at the door.
Ohh--
Skinner, Krabappel, what are you two doing here?
Superintendent Chalmers!
Uh, why, we're--
We're, uh, on a, uh--
-a-- what do you call-- field trip. -Uh, with a student.
-Yes! He's, uh... -He's purchasing refreshments
-in the lobby. -I'll go get him right now.
(whispering) Car keys, car keys, car keys.
(sleepily) Stop pushing me. What's going on?
Just enjoy the movie. It has Tom Berenger.
You think they actually filmed this in Atlanta?
I don't know.
I don't think it's important.
Yeah.
(honking)
Mother doesn't approve of me dating,
so I need you to keep her busy for a few hours
while Edna and I sneak out.
(door slams)
Oh, I can't take much more of this.
I collect pictures of cakes
that I clip out of the magazines.
It all started in 1941
when Good Housekeeping featured a photo of a lovely cake.
You wouldn't happen to have any real cakes around here, would you?
Oh, my no. I don't care for cake. Too sweet.
Now, this is called a Lady Baltimore cake.
At my age, I don't have much saliva left
so you'll have to lick my thumb
before I can turn the page.
Oh, can't I just turn the page for you?
No!
But you can pick out any picture
you want to take home with you.
Okay. That one.
-No! -Ow!
You can't have that one!
That's a coconut cake!
(pencils scratching paper)
Bart Simpson!
How many times do I have to tell you no talking!
Report to the principal's office!
But-but I wasn't...
-And here, take this with you. -(groans)
Mrs. Krabappel, Bart has something
he wants to say to you.
-I won't say it! -Bart!
(groans) Oh...
I love you, Edna Krabappel.
(children laughing)
(chanting) Bart's going to marry the teacher.
Where are you registered, Simpson?
(groans)
Thank you, Bart.
That was very sweet.
You may sit down now.
They're not going to get away with this.
I'm going to step out for a few minutes, class.
Martin, you're in charge.
Now, Bart, uh...
(coughs)
You must promise not to fall in love with me.
(children laughing)
Now, Martin's scoring off me.
Oh, that is it.
Listen up, everybody!
Follow me!
What's going on, huh?
What's happening, Simpson?
Where are we going, anyway?
Okay, crew...
Set your faces to stunned.
(all gasp)
Um...
School dismissed.
And then Bart opened the door
and Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel
were kissing!
-(gasps) -And swearing.
Father, Uncle Apu,
a teacher was in the closet with the principal
and he had as many arms as Vishnu
and they were all very busy.
-(gasps) -Wow.
I was in the library, at the time,
but Janie told me that Principal Skinner
and Bart's teacher, Mrs...
What's her name?
Krabappel?
Yeah, Krabappel.
They were naked in the closet together.
Oh, my goodness!
Wait a minute.
Bart's teacher is named "Krabappel"?
I've been calling her "Crandall."
Why didn't someone tell me?
Oh, I've been making an idiot out of myself!
Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner
were in the closet making babies,
and I saw one of the babies,
and the baby looked at me.
Baby looked at you?
Sara, get me Superintendent Chalmers.
-Thank you, Sara. -Hmm.
-Skinner! -Uh, Superintendent Chalmers.
The whole town's in an uproar about your sleazy shenanigans.
Now, I'm going to give you a choice.
You can give up this tawdry fulfilling relationship
or you two will be out of here so fast
your mortarboards will spin.
And where is your mortarboard anyway?
Uh... Right here, sir.
So, what'll it be, Seymour?
Well...
I'm sorry, but, uh, I can't give up the woman I love.
Well, then I'm afraid you leave me no choice.
I want you out of the building by 3:00.
-You're fired. Edna, too. -(gasps)
Well, it's going to be hard to say good-bye to all of you.
We've had a lot of fun together.
Nelson, Nelson, Nelson.
How many kids have you beaten up this year?
I don't know-- 50.
Ah, 50.
Where does the time go?
You, uh, you wanted to see me, Principal Skinner?
Mm-mm. It's Mr. Skinner now.
I'm just a man.
Bart, I want to apologize for the awkward position
Edna and I put you in.
Your-- Your help made our love possible.
I don't know what we'll do without you.
Well, so long.
Wait a second!
You don't have to leave just because
Superintendent Chalmers told you to.
What are you getting at?
You spent your whole life
following orders-- from your mother
the army, Superintendent Chalmers...
Just this once, man, stand up for yourself.
Okay, Bart.
Let's go, Seymour.
Okay, Edna.
Uh... No, wait!
We're not going anywhere.
I'm going to do what Bart should have told me to do
a long time ago.
Attention, Springfield.
We have barricaded ourselves in the school
and are not coming down until our demands are met.
Willie hears you. Willie don't care.
Obviously, you two have no experience
causing a scene.
I'll be right there.
All right people,
we've got an escaped octopus
on the roof of Springfield Elementary.
Let's roll.
Two cameras.
So, once again, I've been had.
But an even more interesting story
has developed high atop this two-story school:
A love story.
Skinner, get off of my school.
No. You get off of my school.
Homer, Bart's up there!
Give me that!
Bart, this is your father!
Do you know where the remote is?
I looked all over the house.
Did you check your pocket?
It was--
It was in my pocket.
Fine. Stay in the school.
We don't want you to come out.
BART: You got it.
Damn. All right, boys,
roll up the sound truck.
We'll blast them out with music.
(feeedback squeals)
(melodic acoustic piano playing "Embraceable you")
♪ Embrace me, my sweet... ♪
Oh, Edna, I hope this siege never ends.
Seymour, you're heaven in hush puppies.
Oh...
Turn the music off!
Ha! It's working like a charm, boys.
Now cut the power and hit them with the lights.
♪ ...Irreplaceable you ♪
♪ Just one look at you ♪
♪ My heart grew tipsy... ♪
Ugh!
-(ringing) -I'll get it.
-Talk to me. -You have got to end this thing, Seymour.
We're not coming down until our jobs are reinstated
and you acknowledge and celebrate our love.
No one would like to celebrate your love more than I
but I'm a public servant
and not permitted to use my own judgment in any way.
Then let us take our case directly to the towns people.
Oh, yeah, that'll be real productive.
Who do you want to talk to first?
The guy in the bumblebee suit
or the one with the bone through his hair?
My opinions are as valid
as the next man's!
Yeah, all right. Just come on down.
Well... This is it.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to go out there
and tell every man, woman and child
that I love Edna krabappel.
Well, that's nice,
but first you got to grab their attention.
And I think I know how.
I have a bomb.
ALL: (gasping and murmuring)
Hey, wait a minute.
Those are hot dogs.
Armour hot dogs.
What kind of man wears Armour hot dogs?
It was a good idea, Bart,
but it's just not working.
Just speak from the heart, Seymour.
Tell them how we brought a little happiness
into each other's lives.
Ask them why they're forcing two dedicated people
to choose between their careers and their hearts.
Excuse me, Edna.
I don't think we're talking about love here.
We're talking about s-e-x
in front of the c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n.
Sex Cauldron?
I thought they closed that place down.
What are you people talking about?
My child told me you two were having sex
in the school janitor's closet.
You know, "Making babies"?
Yes, illicit sex.
Doing it! It! It!
Sordid public sexual congress!
This is absurd.
I did not have relations in that closet,
and the fact is, I haven't...
Uh...
(crickets chirping)
Yes?
Seymour, I think you'd better tell them.
It's the only way to clear our names.
(sighs)
Well, everyone, the fact is
I haven't ever had relations.
I am a virgin.
Ha-ha!
(all murmuring)
Hey, does this mean
that Mrs. Krabappel is a virgin, too?
KRABAPPEL: Ha!
Well, Seymour, it's clear
you've been falsely accused
because no one... anywhere... ever...
Would pretend to be a 44-year-old virgin.
Oh, that's for sure.
I'm, I'm inclined to agree.
Ugh! I'll never look at him the same again.
That was more than I wanted to know.
(clears throat)
Okay, well, um, Edna, Seymour,
in light of these, uh... uh... revelations
I, uh, suppose we, uh... overreacted.
Do we have our jobs back?
What? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Sure.
Just, uh, you know, keep the lewdness to a minimum.
I'm out of here.
Skinny, Krabby, catch you later.
Uh, hold on, Bart.
May we have a word with you?
We want to thank you for helping us
through a difficult period.
Oh, no problemo.
So, I guess now you'll be getting married
or something, huh?
Well, actually, Seymour and I have decided to break up.
Huh?
We can't continue on like this,
trying to build a private relationship in public--
The whole town watching our every move
with a fine-tooth comb.
Mm-hmm. I'm used to humiliation
but not in front of a crowd that size.
But you seemed like such a good couple.
Bart, when you get a little older
you're going to learn that, sometimes, romances
don't turn out exactly the way you'd like them to.
Hmm...
That's why I love elementary school, Edna:
The children believe anything you tell them.
(chuckling)
(both laughing)
(cork popping)
KRABAPPEL: Whoo! Oh, Seymour...
♪♪
Shh!
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.