♪ The Simpsons ♪
-(chalk screeches) -(bell rings)
(work whistle blows)
-(sucking) -(register beeping)
(jazzy solo)
(tires screech)
(tires screeching)
(horn honks)
(tires screech)
D'oh!
-Aah! -(tires screech)
Huh?
(barking)
(yelping)
HOMER: Marge, mail's here.
Bills, bills...
Ooh, a free sample of gasoline!
Um, a note from Publisher's Clearinghouse
saying we're out of the running.
Oh, look, Lisa you got something.
Oh, foreign language institute.
Oh, my German verb wheel.
Ich esse, er isst, wir essen...
When, when? Ich bin hungrig.
Homer, this is yours.
Yes!
My precious cartoons.
(laughing)
"Who pumped ethyl?"
(laughing)
Oh, how come I never get any mail?
I'm sorry, honey.
Here. You can have the junk mail.
"Gas your termites."
"Freeze your termites."
"Zap your termites."
"Save the termites."
Hello.
"Dear occupant,
"because of your fine credit history,
you have been pre-approved for a Moneybank charge card."
Oh, baby!
Okay, let's see now.
"Occupation."
Hmm...
Butt doctor.
"Income."
Whatever I finds, I keeps.
"Name."
Hmm...
"Name. Name."
My name is...
Santa's Little Helper.
(dog barking)
(body thuds)
HOMER: Marge, mail's here.
Bills, bills...
Oh, a rejection letter
from the New Yorker subscription department.
Hmm. Who or what is Santos L. Halper?
Wow! My own credit card!
Thanks, Santos.
(hacks)
A quarter?
Well, you're just the dog
that keeps on giving, aren't you?
And Zebra Girl and Zillionaire and Zoidzilla.
And will there be any more splurging today?
Oh, my, yes. Hmm.
I'll take that hardbound Radioactive Man collection.
Ah, a superb choice.
In Volume II, Radioactive Man travels through time
to defeat Jesse Owens at the 1936 Olympic Games.
Put it all on my credit card, my good man.
Oh, pardon me, Santos--
if that is your real name, Bart Simpson--
but your phony credit card is no good here.
Now, make like my pants and split.
Oh...
What good's a credit card if you can't even use it?
Hmm.
"Order by phone. 1-800..."
Our phone doesn't go up to 800.
Unless...
Mom, this is for you--
15 pounds of Vancouver smoked salmon.
Here. Smell it.
Oh, Bart, you didn't have to do that.
(sniffs)
Mmm...
And for Homer...
Wow. A golf shirt.
With my corporate logo on it.
(sniffs)
Oh, it smells like salmon, too.
-Thanks, boy. -And for the college-bound,
500 stay-alert capsules.
Wow. Trucker's choice.
That is so sweet.
Bart, where did you get all this stuff?
Let me answer that question with...
Cookware!
A frying pan radio?
Wow.
♪♪ (rock plays)
♪ Girl, you really got me going ♪
♪ You got me so I don't know what I'm doing... ♪
(bells ringing, electronic warbling)
(computerized Japanese voice): You a winna, ha ha ha!
Halogen lamps? Kilim rugs? You can't afford this. How can you afford this?
You've been all edgy and suspicious ever since I gave you those pep pills.
What are you talking about? I don't need pep pills to be suspicious.
If I want to comment on it, I'll comment on it.
Who's going to stop me-- you, pep pill boy?
Pep Boys pills, Beverly Sills.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, boy.
I got to start taking those pills again.
You think you're so great.
Whoa!
"The crowning achievement of the dogmaker's art.
"This limited edition collie comes fully trained
"by Major Jonas Fong, A.L.B.D.A.
"Only 800 will be bred.
Quite possibly the world's best dog."
1200 bucks?
I better just get one.
(doorbell chimes)
(barking)
(gasps)
Hey, where you going?
"Hello. My name is Laddie.
"I've been trained to gather fruit for you
as a welcome gift."
(barks)
Good dog.
(screeches)
Okay, watch this. Watch.
Do a backflip, Laddie.
ALL: Oh! Oh!
He's so smart.
And so handsome.
Bart, I just love him.
Hi, Marge. Hi, Santa's Little Helper.
Hi, kid.
Hey, that's not Santa's Little Helper.
That's Laddie.
Bart says he won him at a church carnival
two towns over.
In a truth-telling contest, right, Bart?
To the best of my recollection, yes.
Wow. I got to start going to church.
What have you got for me, boy?
Hey, this says we should feed him
lots of eggs and olive oil
to ensure a glossy coat.
Oh, yes. A dog like this you have to feed every day.
He's trained to do all sorts of stuff.
He can herd sheep and perform C.P.R.
"Some call it the dog that never sleeps,
though it actually does... while jogging."
Jeez, that dog has more education than I do.
He's some kind of super dog.
Hey, where'd he go?
(toilet flushing)
-Ooh! -Wow!
(phone rings)
Hello.
MAN: Hello, Mr. Halper.
I'm calling from the Moneybank credit services department.
I was wondering if you had a chance
to read the threatening letter we sent you.
Uh...
Because you sound like a mature, responsible person
who wouldn't want an unpaid credit card bill
to spoil all his hopes and dreams for the future--
dreams such as home ownership, boat ownership
and event attendance.
Now, when can I tell my supervisor, Mr. Robinson,
to expect payment?
Good dog.
Come on, boy!
Let's go for a walk!
No, not you. Laddie.
Come on, I got a job for you.
(whimpers)
Good boy.
We didn't see nothing if you didn't see nothing.
(gasps) Oh, no.
Repo men!
Laddie, hide behind that bush there.
Mom and Dad aren't home, are they?
No. They went for a walk with the Flanders.
Bart, what's going on? Why are those repo guys taking all your stuff?
The dog and I got a credit card and--
Credit card? Oh, I knew you were up to no good.
Okay, so I committed a little mail fraud.
Haven't I been punished enough?
Hey, stop! You can take back the bassinet,
but the baby's ours!
And the last item is one $1,200 dog.
-Is that him? -(snarling)
Well, is he the dog or isn't he?
(gulps)
Yeah. That's him, all right.
Sorry, boy. I didn't plan this.
It just sort of happened.
Mom, can I feed Laddie at the table?
Oh, it's against the house rule...
Oh, I guess just this once.
Oh, I don't know about this dog.
He's kind of... snooty.
Homer, are you wearing a tie
to impress Laddie?
Do you think he noticed?
(grumbling)
Where's Santa's Little Helper?
Who?
Um, I took him to a kennel...
two towns over just till the new dog gets settled.
Well, we wrecked the first dog.
We've got to treat this one right.
Bart, why don't you take Laddie for another walk?
No. Bart had his turn. Let me!
I can't resist his charms.
Let's all walk Laddie.
Hey, this park is great!
How come we never take Santa's Little Helper here?
Crowds give him gas.
Besides, he's happy just hanging around the house with Bart.
Um... yeah.
Hey, that is one fine-looking animal you got there.
Wow. T.V.'s Kent Brockman!
(laughs)
Hey, this fellow's not available to stud, is he?
You want some puppies, eh, Mr. Brockman?
No, no. Jessica's been fixed.
She just needs a little... attention.
Why, that canine has the proud bearing
and glossy fur coat of a Yale man.
Hello, little fella.
Smithers, I believe this dog was in Skull and Bones.
Whoa, cool dog!
Can he catch a Frisbee?
(barking)
(cheering)
Boy, Bart Laddie's the best dog in the world.
He's nothing like your old dog.
Santa's Little Helper?
Guess I was the only one who loved him.
You got that right.
Remember the time he ate my goldfish
and you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish?
But why'd I have the bowl, Bart?
Why did I have the bowl?
Yeah.
He was a great dog.
Oh, Santa's Little Helper,
I was crazy to give you up for another dog.
What have I done to you?
(horn blowing)
Captain, can't we go any faster?
I greatly fear we shan't be in Wimbledon by noonfall.
No worries, madam.
Lumley! Shovel on more dogs, won't you?
Aye, aye. More dogs!
-(bell ringing) -More dogs!
In you go.
(gasps)
Nah. That's not too likely.
But still...
you're gone.
Oh.
Where you are you, boy?
(horn blowing)
"Time for a walk."
Ohh! Again?
We got to find out where he's keeping these.
I'd take him, but those cards are nontransferable.
Ohh...
CHILD: Help! Help!
(barking)
Now what? Aw, come on.
I want to go home.
So, Laddie,
thank you for your heroic rescue.
And, baby Gerald, we can't help but wonder
what mischief you'll get into next.
(applause)
Now can we go home?
Laddie saved the day, Simpson.
Boy, we sure could use a dog like that on the force.
Why don't you guys take him?
I thought he was the right dog for me
but I guess I made a mistake.
Really? No fooling?
Aw, gee, thanks, mister.
We'll take real good care of him
and we'll play with him every day.
Honest. (grunting)
Oh, Maggie, you got oatmeal all over.
Homie, would you clean her off?
Can do.
Laddie!
(whistling)
Come here, boy!
Who wants to lick a messy baby?
-Laddie? -Uh, Dad?
Laddie's not coming.
-I gave him away. -What's the matter, Bart?
Weren't you happy with him?
No. He just wasn't the right dog for me.
I'm sure he'll be happy as a police dog.
He better know how to keep his mouth shut.
Well, if that's what you think is best.
Let's just go down to the kennel
and get Santa's Little Helper back.
Uh, well, we can't.
He's not in a kennel.
I gave him away, too, and I don't know where he is.
You gave both dogs away?
You know how I feel about giving!
I'm sorry. I know it's wrong. I messed everything up,
and now I don't have any dogs at all.
There, there.
Shut up, boy.
We'll just get you a new dog.
I don't want a new dog.
I want Santa's Little Helper.
Well, crying isn't going to bring him back...
unless your tears smell like dog food.
So you can either sit there crying
and eating can after can of dog food
until your tears smell enough like dog food
to make your dog come back
or you can go out there and find your dog.
You're right. I'll do it.
Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.
I'm going to get the dog back.
HOMER: The bad dog or the good dog?
-The bad dog. -Oh, good.
You got to give me back my floor.
My customers are walking around on the pipes!
Hey, next time, pay your bills.
But I don't want to.
Excuse me, sir. Did you repossess this dog from a guy
named Santos L. Halper?
Hmm. Yeah, yeah. I remember this mutt.
We, uh, sold him to some guy
wearing a dress.
No, I didn't buy your dog.
I got to go keep an eye on Selma.
She thinks she swallowed a Band-Aid.
(heavy brogue) Yeah, I bought your mutt, and I ate him.
(gasps)
I ate his little face. I ate his guts.
And I 'ate the way he's always barking!
So I gave him to the church.
Oh, I see. You hate him so you gave him to the church.
Aye. I also ate the mess he left on me rug.
You heard me.
Mmm, yes, I remember Satan's Little Helper...
littering the rectory with his dirt,
biting me in the apse.
He unholied the holy water.
That's him, all right.
I'll be happy to take him off your hands.
I'm afraid that's impossible, Bart.
He's no longer among us.
(gasps) You didn't crucify him?
(hearty laugh)
No. He's safely with one of our parishioners.
I'll give you his address, if you like.
And then, buy something or get out!
Angel.
Hey, it's him. It's Santa's Little Helper!
-(buzzes) -MAN: Yes?
My name is Bart Simpson.
I have to talk to you about your dog.
Give me one minute.
Okay... showtime.
(wicked laugh)
Please, mister...
(clears throat) No. Let me do that again.
Please, mister.
(sobbing): Ple-he-he-he-ase...
(gasps)
Hi, there. How can I help you?
You're the guy who owns the dog?
Yep. His name's Sprinkles.
-Sprinkles? -Yeah. He's my best buddy, huh?
Especially since my parrot decided to stop talking.
Polly? Polly want to say hi to our guest? Huh?
Fine. Be that way.
Now, what can I do for you, son?
Oh, nothing. Forget it.
So, that's my plan.
I'm gonna break into the blind man's yard
and swipe the dog.
Bart, that is a new low.
Hey, I'm not saying it's going to be a dance around the maypole.
I won't tell Mom and Dad
but only because I want the dog back.
Just try not to freak out the blind man.
I can't promise I'll try,
but I'll try to try.
(whistles softly)
(whispers): Here, boy. Come on.
(muffled yelp)
Oh...
(water splashing)
-(squishing) -Ew!
Psst!
Oh! I missed you so much, boy.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Now, keep quiet, okay?
(barks)
MITCHELL: Sprinkles?
Is there somebody down there?
Come on, boy. Let's blow.
Who's there? I can take you on.
You want to try me? Come on!
Where is he, Sprinkles? Come on. Let's get him.
No, no, no. Not the piano. I can't play now.
-(squeaks) -(door slams)
Ha! I may be blind,
but you just ran into a closet.
-D-ohh! -(lock clicks)
Heh-heh!
Hey, burglar!
I hope you're having a good time in there,
'cause the police will be here any minute.
No, mister. Please, I 'm just a kid.
I... I only came to get my dog back.
Your dog?
(whines)
And I miss him so much.
And I know you like him, but I like him, too.
And he was mine first. I know I don't deserve him.
So what this comes down to is
you want a blind man
to give up his only companion?
Yes, please.
Hmm. Tell you what:
Why don't we let the dog decide?
-Come on, Sprinkles! -Come on, Santa's Little Helper!
-Here, Sprinkles! -I'm sorry!
I'm blind, Come to the blind man!
I'll let you be with me all the time.
I need you more, come on!
(overlapping chatter)
Come on!
Attaboy! Oh, I knew you'd come!
Give me a kiss!
Oh-oh-oh. Yeah.
Sounds like you won.
Congratulations.
Oh, geez. I'm sorry.
I wish there was some way we could both have a dog.
(pounding)
-(doorbell rings) -Hello.
Police.
Ah, man, if this one's not the right house, I quit.
It's okay, Officer. False alarm.
(barking)
Uh... hey, who's that!
Well, I like you, too.
Well, looks like somebody's made a new best friend.
(laughs) Okay, boy.
That's enough. That's...
That's not for doggies.
Don't...
Oh, jeez.
(barks)
(sniffs) Marijuana.
Well. I guess he didn't like you after all.
He just smelled your narcotics.
Book him, boys.
Hold on, Chief.
It might be medicinal.
Uh... yeah. M-medicinal.
I... without it, I could, uh...
go even... blinder.
Right?
Eh, this might take a while, kid.
Why don't you and your buddy run along?
Bye, Laddie.
Come on, boy. Let's go home and have some fun, huh?
That cat's been strutting around like she owns the place.
(reggae music playing)
♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
LOU: Hey, hey, everybody.
How are you doing?
Hey, what's up there?
-WIGGUM: I love this song. -LOU: Hey, Chief.
WIGGUM: Shut up! I love this song.
-LOU: ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪ -WIGGUM: Shut up, Lou!
♪ I want to jam it with you ♪
(Wiggum sings over Bob Marley) ♪ We're jammin' ♪
♪ Jammin' ♪
♪ And I hope you like jammin', too ♪
-LOU: Yeah! -♪ Ain't no rules, ain't no vow ♪
♪ We can do it anyhow ♪
-♪ I and I will see you through ♪ -LOU: See you through, baby!
♪ 'Cause every day, we pay the price ♪
-♪ With a little sacrifice ♪ -WIGGUM: ♪ The thing with sacrifice ♪
♪ Jammin' till the jam is through ♪
-LOU: Jammin's through, baby! -WIGGUM: ♪ Jamming ♪
-♪ We're jammin' ♪ -WIGGUM: I can't really remember that.
WIGGUM: ♪ We're jamming ♪
♪ To think that jammin' was a thing of the past ♪
♪ We're jammin'... ♪
LOU: Hey, man, I'm jammin'.
♪ And I hope you like jammin'... ♪
-Shh! -WIGGUM: Jamming.
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.