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(theme music playing)
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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(tires screeching)
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D'oh!
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(screams)
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Whoop. Oop.
(screaming)
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(thuds)
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Good evening.
I'm Kent Brockman.
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{\an8}Our top story:
hunks, and lots of them
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{\an8}and all to raise money
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{\an8}for the Springfield Fire Department
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{\an8}to buy a fire engine
so they can get to fires.
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{\an8}Lazy bums.
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{\an8}Yeah, why don't we buy them
mink stoles while we're at it?
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{\an8}(laughing) Yeah. Good one.
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{\an8}And now, let's hear it
for our celebrity auctioneer--
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{\an8}Krusty.
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{\an8}ALL: What? Who? Who's that?
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{\an8}(murmuring continues)
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{\an8}The clown.
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{\an8}AUDIENCE: Oh!
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{\an8}(applauding)
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{\an8}(cheering)
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{\an8}Thank you. Thank you.
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{\an8}Hey, hey!
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{\an8}Heh?
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{\an8}No, I ain't reading that.
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{\an8}No, not that, either.
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{\an8}OK, let's bring on
our first bachelor.
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{\an8}(cheering)
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{\an8}All right, ladies,
this sexy fellow
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{\an8}describes himself
as "a big, thirsty teddy bear."
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{\an8}Say hello to Barney Gumbel.
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{\an8}OK, now, what am I bid?
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{\an8}Hey, now, I got zero,
I got no bid here. I got zero.
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I'm standing at zero.
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Anybody want to go
higher than zero?
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I got zero right now.
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OK, over there? No, zero.
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I got nada, zilch.
I got bupkes.
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I got zero. Nothing. Hey.
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Poor Barney.
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(sighs)
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This lot is withdrawn.
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(belches)
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(music starts again)
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Come on!
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He likes sunsets--
what more do you want?
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Arr.
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I'm... not attractive.
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The last bachelor likes women
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who take their clothes off
for money.
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Let's hear it for Moe.
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Why do we have to stand here?
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This is so humiliating.
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Aren't there any good
bachelors in this town?
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Ah, we're never going
to get that fire engine.
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Well, I guess that's it, folks.
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♪ Had some laughs ♪
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♪ Killed some time ♪
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Apu, you're a bachelor.
Get up there.
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Oh, no, no. please,
I am nothing special.
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Don't be shy. Excuse me.
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Excuse me. We have
one more bachelor.
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♪ Cash the check... ♪
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-What?
-Just tell them about yourself.
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Oh, um...
(clears throat)
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Well, I have a doctorate
in Computer Science.
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{\an8}-Oh.
-Sounds pretty good to me.
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Um... I run my own business,
of course.
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Well. Well, now.
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I do like to cook.
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I'm not much of a talker,
but I love to listen,
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and in my leisure time,
I like to build furniture
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and then, to have a discussion
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about where it could be
placed in a room.
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-Now you're talking.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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-Fifty dollars.
-Seventy-five.
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You better have enough
to pay my alimony, Luann!
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-Three hundred.
-Three-fifty.
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Nine hundred and twenty-six.
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Sold, to the five
desperate chicks.
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Whoo! All right, We got him!
Woof!
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{\an8}Holy molly!
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Well, look
who's the ladies man.
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Come on...
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(goofy giggling)
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I had a great time, Apu.
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And thanks for winning wubbsy.
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I had no idea
you were such a great shot.
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{\an8}Oh, yes.
all Kwik-e-mart managers
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{\an8}must be skilled
in the deadly arts.
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Oh.
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Oh. That date
will not be easy to top,
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but we shall see.
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(honking)
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Anybody up for
some clog dancing?
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Why don't you try and stop me?
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(tires screeching)
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"This is just
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a note to say
I think about you every day
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and when I get
you all alone..."
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Well, it gets
a little bit personal here.
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I understand...
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Yoink!
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-Wow.
-I know.
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-Whoa!
-Tell me about it.
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(lustful moaning)
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Oh. Here's one from my mother.
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Ooh. Let's see what she wrote.
(lustful growling)
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-(screams)
-You hate lotus flowers, too?
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Don't get me started
on lotus flowers.
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No, no, it is the sign
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that it is time
for my arranged marriage.
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Oh, well, congratulations.
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No, no. Don't you
know what it means?
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Not... really.
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It all happened shortly after
my eighth birthday.
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OK, here we go.
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Ten goats and an electric fan?
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You call that a dowry?
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OK, we will throw in
a textile factory
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but only because Manjula
is getting on in years.
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Then it is agreed.
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Your third daughter
will marry our first son.
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It is done.
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{\an8}Oh, I cannot get married.
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{\an8}I'm just beginning
to enjoy my bachelorhood.
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(sighs) What am I going to do?
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Tell her the truth, you're
not ready to get married.
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No, no. You do not know Mother.
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She will never quit
until I am married.
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Then just tell her
you're already married.
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No. I cannot lie to my mother.
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Then get married.
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What the hell
do you want from me?
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Yes, that is right, Mother.
I already got married.
138
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Why did not I bother
to tell you?
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Well... uh...
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the reason is, um...
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{\an8}Well, I guess I...
I didn't think you'd understand.
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{\an8}Oh, got to go. Bye-bye-bye.
I love you, love you.
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(kissing)
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It worked. It worked.
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The lie has set me free.
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♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
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♪ Check it and see ♪
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♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
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♪ Come on, baby,
do you do more than dance? ♪
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♪ I'm hot-blooded,
I'm hot-blooded ♪
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♪ You don't have
to read my mind ♪
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♪ To know what
I have in mind ♪
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(song fades)
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Loser.
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Loser.
156
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Loser.
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(gasps)
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Five hundred dollars.
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Apu, wake up.
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I want to buy a yodel
and this lottery ticket.
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I have... this much.
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I'm sorry. You do not have
enough for both.
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{\an8}Oh. Ooh...
Ooh... Oh...
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{\an8}Yodel.
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(cash register rings)
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(yawning)
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Late night, huh?
168
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I'm not the type
to kiss and tell, sir,
169
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but listen to this...
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(screams)
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Oh, you dog.
172
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It is my mother.
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Oh, no. Oh, no.
What am I going to do?
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What's the big problem?
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Don't you see?
She is here to meet my wife.
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The wife that I told her I had.
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00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:41,961
Ah! I do not have a wife.
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00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,963
Then maybe you shouldn't
have said told her you did.
179
00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:45,756
Oh. She's going to be here
any second.
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(grunts)
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Oh, yes!
That will buy me some time.
182
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,097
Mm. Homer,
you've got to help me.
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00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,184
(munching) OK.
184
00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:58,769
Seems to me...
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(clearing throat)
186
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What you ought to do is, um...
187
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What, what, what, what, what?
188
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,945
Well... you could always
move into my house
189
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,615
and tell your mom
that Marge is your wife.
190
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:13,159
Is it me, or do your
plans always involve
191
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,744
some horrible web of lies?
192
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,037
-It's you.
(door opens)
193
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,290
Welcome to the Kwik-e-mart.
194
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:21,292
May I help... (gasps) Mother!
195
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:24,003
What are you doing here?
196
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,965
I have come to meet
this wife of yours.
197
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,884
And meet her you shall.
198
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:33,763
It is a very reasonable request
that can easily be granted
199
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,057
-in a timely and efficient...
-Let's go.
200
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,018
And we shall because it is
in the going that we...
201
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,603
Tat-tat-tat-tat-tat.
202
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,981
Oh... that yodel was so good.
203
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,734
-I wish I was eating it right now.
-(car door opens)
204
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,071
{\an8}Oh, crap! I forgot!
205
00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:52,198
Marge, I need a small favor.
206
00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:54,659
For the next few days,
will you pretend to be Apu's wife?
207
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,369
-What?
-(doorbell rings)
208
00:08:56,452 --> 00:09:00,248
Please. It's just for as long
as his mother's living here.
209
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,124
What?
210
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,169
Honey, I am in my home.
211
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:10,841
(nervous chuckle)
212
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:13,511
(groans)
213
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:14,554
Oh...
214
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,514
How was your day...
215
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,349
sweetheart?
216
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:21,018
Can you feel the love?
217
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,649
Mother, I would like
for you to meet
218
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:29,443
my darling wife
for many, many good years,
219
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,279
M... Marge.
220
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,907
{\an8}Hello. so, what brings
you to America?
221
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,617
I have come to see the woman
222
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,453
for whom Apu was willing
to disgrace his family
223
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,163
and spit on his culture.
224
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,790
Oh.
225
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,041
Here I am!
226
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,668
OK. Gotta run.
227
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:47,420
Apu, I'm sure you want
to get upstairs
228
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:50,172
and fix that broken toilet
before Marge yells at you again.
229
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,926
I'm just so honored
to have you here in our home.
230
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,886
Thank you.
and having met you
231
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:59,890
let me say how deeply,
deeply disappointed I am.
232
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,685
Apu, your arranged
bride, Manjula
233
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,812
is a sweet, refined,
chaste woman.
234
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,188
Are you nuts?
235
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,441
{\an8}Mother, come on.
You know that
236
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:11,068
{\an8}one out of every
25 arranged marriages
237
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,236
{\an8}ends in divorce.
238
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,822
Oh, Bart and Lisa!
239
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:17,366
You remember your father, Apu.
240
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,494
Well, this is your father
Apu's mother.
241
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,998
-Oh!
-Oh!
242
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,875
-Hi.
-Hi.
243
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,628
I cannot believe
you did not tell me
244
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,755
I had two grandchildren.
245
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,674
(sucking)
246
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:37,928
But you can't leave.
247
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,889
We're scamming
an old lady at my house
248
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,474
and I need a place to hide out.
249
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,558
Sorry, Homer.
250
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,477
I've been planning
this vacation for years.
251
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,312
I'm finally going
to see Easter Island.
252
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,314
Oh, right,
with the giant heads.
253
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:49,982
{\an8}With the what, now?
254
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,278
-(snoring)
-Hey, Dad,
255
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:57,990
I've come to spend some time
with my favorite father.
256
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,200
Baloney!
257
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,869
{\an8}You came here
to put me in a home!
258
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:03,371
{\an8}You're already in a home.
259
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,289
Oh, how could you?
260
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,168
Abraham Simpson.
261
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,712
Cornelius Talmadge.
262
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,047
Oh, no, I'm not...
263
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:14,882
Oh, well, let's see
what you got here.
264
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:17,677
The pink ones
keep you from screaming.
265
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,013
All right, folks,
it's supper time.
266
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,057
Supper at 4:00?
267
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:24,850
Oh-ho, what a sweet deal.
268
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:28,187
Hey, they got chairs
with wheels,
269
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:31,107
and here I am,
using my legs like a sucker.
270
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,068
(wheelchair squeaking)
271
00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:36,862
(motor humming)
272
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,576
Whoo! I must apologize
for the inconvenience, Marge.
273
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,203
You are a real sport.
274
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:47,915
Right. How much longer
is she going to be here?
275
00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:50,418
Homer was a little
sketchy on the details.
276
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,586
It should not be more
than a few days.
277
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,714
She really, truly hates you.
278
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,011
Can I ask you about your dot?
279
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,930
What would you like to know?
280
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,640
What's the deal with that dot?
281
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:05,808
Yeah, can you see out of it?
282
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,727
Does it change colors
when you're ticked off?
283
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,478
You tell me.
284
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,480
Nothing yet.
285
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,608
Surely, you children are aware
of your Brahman heritage?
286
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:15,609
As long as you have
287
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,612
absolutely no follow-up
questions, yes.
288
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,739
Yes, we are.
289
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:20,990
Fully.
290
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:22,783
We have to go now.
291
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:26,746
(whistling)
292
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,831
Jasper.
Gladys.
293
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,000
Beatrice.
Looking good, Hattie.
294
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:34,170
Asa.
Hazel. Hazel.
295
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,379
Hazel!
296
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,422
Oh, the hell with her.
297
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:37,631
Hester.
298
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,008
Emil. Prudence.
299
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,885
Lemuel. Increase.
300
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:42,595
-Dad.
-Cornelius.
301
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,764
-(bell tinkling)
-WARDEN: Supper time!
302
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:47,099
(grunts)
303
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,062
Oh, no, you don't!
304
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,689
Oh, yes, I do.
305
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,316
(grinding)
306
00:12:57,985 --> 00:12:59,945
Eat my dust.
307
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:03,824
Wow, someone sure likes
his kidney mush.
308
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,034
Damn right.
309
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:13,042
Mm. Who knew that Lays
made liquid potato chips?
310
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,919
I can't suck just one.
311
00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,671
-(buzzing)
-Another bag of chips, Mr. Talmadge?
312
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,132
Please.
Also, I'm getting a bed-sore.
313
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,134
What do you have to do
to get turned around here?
314
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,220
(monitor beeping)
315
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:26,931
(grunting)
316
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,766
Hey, what's Lucky hooked up to?
317
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,976
A respirator.
318
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,561
It breathes for him.
319
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,480
And here I am,
using my own lungs
320
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,606
like a sucker.
321
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,316
And how come everyone
gets a bedpan
322
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,527
and I have to walk
all the way over there?
323
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,861
You mean, there?
324
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,404
Yeah!
325
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,991
Hello. I'm Cornelius Talmadge.
326
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,285
My family brought me here
on Monday
327
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,705
but I broke free
and went on a bit of a bender.
328
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,041
Wait a minute.
If you're Cornelius Talmadge,
329
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,417
then who's...
330
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:58,921
HOMER: When I get old, Marge,
331
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,590
I want you to promise
you'll put me in a home.
332
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,716
It's like being a baby,
333
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,552
only you're old enough
to appreciate it.
334
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,637
Well, I'm glad
you were having fun
335
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,640
because I've had my hands full
with Apu's mother.
336
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:12,017
Oh, right, right.
337
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,936
The fake marriage thing.
338
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:14,979
How's that going?
339
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:15,980
(door creaking)
340
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,857
OK, Apu, I am packed
341
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,067
and ready to go
to the airport... (screams)
342
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,486
Oh, my God.
343
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,780
Marge, how could you?
344
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,949
Oh, Apu, give it up.
345
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,286
(groans)
Mother, I am so sorry.
346
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,413
I lied to you
about being married.
347
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:34,164
Lied to his mother.
348
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,583
Tsk-tsk-tsk.
349
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:39,253
But the fact that I would stage
this ridiculous farce
350
00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:41,714
surely proves to you
how much I do not want
351
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,924
to go through with
this arranged marriage.
352
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:47,511
I had no idea
how strongly you felt, Apu.
353
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,597
Now wipe that smile
off your face.
354
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:50,806
We have a wedding to plan.
355
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,308
(groans)
356
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:53,684
You know what you
could do, Apu?
357
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:54,685
Yeah, shut up.
358
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,145
You could fake your own death.
359
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:57,396
Oh, would you shut up?
360
00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:58,856
All you need
is a car bomb and...
361
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:01,066
I can't believe
you don't shut up!
362
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:05,821
Yes, yes, Manjula.
363
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,657
I will take care
of all the wedding plans.
364
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,243
You just get on a plane
and come to America.
365
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,786
(clearing throat)
366
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,204
I have to go.
367
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,081
(speaking native language)
368
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,042
Believe me, I'd like to.
369
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,710
(laughing)
370
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:20,961
Good-bye.
371
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,840
I've been looking over
this list of things for the ceremony.
372
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,926
I've got the extra wine glasses
373
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,804
but I'm still short
a tandoori oven, an elephant
374
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,598
and four castrati.
375
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:33,724
{\an8}What's a castrati?
376
00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:36,268
I don't know,
but I'm sure it's spicy.
377
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,896
-Why is that woman still living here?
-Mm-mm.
378
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,107
Hey, you seen Apu lately?
379
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,609
He looks terrible.
380
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,861
Yeah, rumor has it
Marge threw him out.
381
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,489
Ah, tough break.
She's a beautiful lady.
382
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:49,949
You got that straight, Barn.
383
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,034
ALL: To Marge!
384
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,413
Moe, what do you recommend
for severe depression?
385
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,832
Booze, booze and more booze.
386
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:02,503
Huh! Nothing like a depressant
to chase the blues away.
387
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,338
Yeah, you got that right.
388
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:09,134
Oof. Manjula and I have not seen
each other in 20 years.
389
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,595
Two people cannot fall
in love sight-unseen.
390
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,472
{\an8}Hey, hold on there.
391
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:14,515
{\an8}I'm counting on that.
392
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:17,935
Well, just 24 hours
of freedom left.
393
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,478
Actually, it's more like 12.
394
00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:21,021
No. I'm so stupid.
395
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,648
Seven-- it's seven hours.
396
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:23,774
You have seven hours.
397
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,234
See? Seven.
398
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,610
(groaning)
399
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:30,155
{\an8}(singing sadly)
♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
400
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:33,283
{\an8}♪ Check it and see ♪
401
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:38,747
{\an8}♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
402
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:42,459
Come on, you shouldn't be spending
your last hours of bachelorhood
403
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:43,752
in a dump like this.
404
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,921
You should be living
like there's no tomorrow
405
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,090
and I know just the place.
406
00:16:48,882 --> 00:16:52,886
Ah, is this the life or what?
407
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:55,305
You want me
to turn on the bubbles?
408
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,520
Which Bombay
to Springfield flight is she on?
409
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,106
The 10:00, the 10:15,
or the 10:30?
410
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,150
I am so terribly sorry, sir.
411
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:09,194
It appears that your tiger
has been sent to St. Louis.
412
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,156
Mm-hmm. I should send you
to St. Louis.
413
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,199
No. no. He's not worth it.
414
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,536
Can you please indicate
your tiger type on this chart.
415
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:20,539
BOTH: Mm...
416
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,291
Number six.
417
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,961
{\an8}How's that fire ring coming?
418
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,337
{\an8}Is it sacred yet?
419
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,547
{\an8}Almost.
420
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,341
I... can't...
421
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,843
Can you believe it?
422
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,012
Tradition forbids me
even to speak
423
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:37,264
to the woman I'm about
to spend my life with.
424
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,099
Has the whole world gone crazy?
425
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,018
Nah, just your screwy country.
426
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:45,189
{\an8}(sighs) Your old friend Apu
is a lamb being led to the slaughter.
427
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,398
Don't worry, Apu.
428
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,234
Someday, you'll meet
someone you really love.
429
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,361
I'm really doomed.
430
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:54,073
Only the gods could stop
this wedding now.
431
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,116
Gods, eh?
432
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,826
(indistinct chatter)
433
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,832
No, no, no, no, no.
434
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,042
No pansies for me.
435
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:07,044
It's the tradition in India.
436
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,505
Yeah, all right.
It'll cover the gravy stains.
437
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,840
-Hey!
-Tradition.
438
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,134
Thanks for helping
us out, Reverend.
439
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,845
I know you've never performed
a Hindu ceremony.
440
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,014
Well, Christ is Christ.
441
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,433
Plus, I consulted
a Hindu web site.
442
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:25,187
(playing fanfare)
443
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,610
(gloomily) Hello, everyone.
444
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,779
What a happy, happy day.
445
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:36,240
Wow, I wish I had an elephant.
446
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:38,492
You did. His name was Stampy.
447
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,494
-You loved him.
-Oh, yeah.
448
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:43,080
(squeaking)
449
00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:44,498
(trumpeting)
450
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:45,999
(gasping)
451
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,043
Lucky mouse.
452
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:54,675
(fanfare plays)
453
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,555
(all gasping)
454
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,890
{\an8}Oh... Manjula?
455
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,144
Apu, remember me?
456
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,604
Obviously not.
457
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,189
(crashing)
458
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:12,317
HOMER: I am the God Ganesh!
459
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,194
This wedding angers me!
460
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,322
All will die
unless it is stopped!
461
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,993
-Oh, God.
-Please! listen to me!
462
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:23,036
(wailing)
463
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:26,331
{\an8}(speaking in Hindi)
464
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:27,457
(screams)
465
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,084
Stop chasing Ganesh!
466
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,795
You're just going
to get more wrath.
467
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:35,048
Oh, I'm afraid
this is all my fault, Manjula.
468
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,134
To be perfectly honest
with you,
469
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:40,012
I have not exactly
been looking forward
470
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:41,638
to this arranged marriage.
471
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,223
(scoffs) Nor have I.
472
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,225
Marrying a complete stranger?
473
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:46,518
It is crazy.
474
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:47,686
All right.
475
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:49,646
Ganesh has been subdued.
476
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:52,482
HOMER (whimpering):
All will die.
477
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,109
Resume the ceremony.
478
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,946
Quickly, tell me. What is your favorite
movie, book and food?
479
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:02,284
Uh, the answer to all three
is fried green tomatoes.
480
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:03,493
(laughing)
481
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:04,661
(laughing)
482
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,371
That... that is good.
483
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,290
(clears throat)
Double-parked.
484
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,000
Oh, I am so torn.
485
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,837
You are clearly
so quick-witted and beautiful.
486
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,923
And when I look in your eyes,
487
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:20,344
{\an8}I see that sweet little boy
who sold me my very first kiss
488
00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:22,638
{\an8}and I liked it.
489
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:26,767
Oh, do you think this marriage
could really work?
490
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:30,145
Who knows?
We can always get divorced.
491
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,355
Of course.
492
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:33,273
God bless America.
493
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:44,326
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
494
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:47,579
let me be the first
to present to you
495
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:52,417
Mr. and Mrs. Apu
Nahasapeemapetilan.
496
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:55,045
(cheering)
497
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,967
Ah, geez.
I am no good at weddings.
498
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,843
I am no good at weddings.
499
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:09,518
(singing "Close To You"
in Hindi)
500
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:16,900
{\an8}Dad, those peanuts
aren't for you.
501
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:18,735
{\an8}They're for the elephant.
502
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,779
{\an8}Screw him.
(gasping)
503
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:23,365
Put me down!
Ganesh commands you!
504
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:24,825
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
505
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:27,703
Well, so far so good,
don't you think?
506
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:30,580
I cannot wait to show you
our apartment.
507
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:31,748
Apartment?
508
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,625
Oh, no, no, no.
509
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,252
You must buy me a house,
510
00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:36,628
and you're getting a haircut.
511
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,047
-Oh.
-Got you.
512
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,883
(laughing)
513
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:46,680
Homer (screaming):
Come on, elephant! Stop!
514
00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:50,976
(yelping, groaning)
515
00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:53,103
Hey, everybody's upside-down.
516
00:21:53,186 --> 00:21:54,938
(laughing)
517
00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:04,448
(theme music playing)
518
00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:40,567
Shh!
519
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:46,156
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services