1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,086
(theme song playing)
2
00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:06,548
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,177
(bell rings)
4
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,637
(tires screeching)
5
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:16,391
D'oh! (screams)
6
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:17,767
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:35,118
{\an8}(gulping)
8
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:39,956
{\an8}Ah! I love these lazy Saturdays.
9
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,541
{\an8}It's Wednesday, Homer.
10
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:42,959
{\an8}(shrieks) Work!
11
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:43,960
(tires screeching)
12
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:45,962
(Homer sighs)
13
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,923
{\an8}I love these real Saturdays.
14
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,800
{\an8}They're so relaxing.
15
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,012
{\an8}Not like that fake Saturday
that almost got me fired.
16
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:56,431
{\an8}(slurping)
17
00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:59,142
{\an8}(groans)
18
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{\an8}Is this all we're going to do today?
19
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,730
{\an8}Absolutely.
20
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,192
(gagging)
21
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:08,943
(sighs)
22
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(gagging)
23
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(sighs)
24
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{\an8}You know, Homer,
25
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:17,285
{\an8}I'm starting to realize life is short.
26
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:18,286
{\an8}It is?
27
00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:20,830
{\an8}We have to make the most
of the time we have.
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00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:21,790
{\an8}We do?!
29
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,833
{\an8}Otherwise, we could wake up one day
30
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:27,045
{\an8}and realize we've wasted our whole lives.
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{\an8}Oh, that.
32
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{\an8}(chuckles)
33
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{\an8}(slurping and gagging)
34
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:36,846
{\an8}Hmm, "Friends of the library"
35
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,516
{\an8}is holding an historic manuscript viewing.
36
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,352
{\an8}(blowing raspberry)
Friends of the library?
37
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,479
{\an8}Ooh... Ooh!
38
00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:47,065
{\an8}There's an Azalea festival
at the public garden.
39
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:48,691
{\an8}I went yesterday.
40
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:49,943
{\an8}(groans)
41
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{\an8}Lenny really wanted to go!
42
00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:55,073
{\an8}I'm tired of being cooped up
in this house all the time.
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00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,199
Open a window.
44
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:57,492
{\an8}Oh...
45
00:01:57,575 --> 00:02:00,036
All right, I hear you, honey.
46
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,996
Change into something nice.
47
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,249
We're stepping out.
48
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,379
The police auction?
49
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:10,839
Can you believe it?
50
00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:12,340
It's already been a year.
51
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,303
Wow, sweetheart, look
at all this seized booty.
52
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,306
We could find the drug boat of our dreams.
53
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,350
I don't want a drug boat.
54
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,894
Well, I bet there's drug dresses
55
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,063
and drug vacuum cleaners, too.
56
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,314
WIGGUM: All right, listen up.
57
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,732
Listen up!
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These prestigious, wrought iron
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security gates are bulletproof, bombproof,
60
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,531
and battering-ram resistant.
61
00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:37,574
Now...
62
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,200
Then what happened to Johnny D.?
63
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He forgot to lock them.
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00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,078
Now, what am I bid?
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-One kilo.
-Sold.
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00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,583
Ay-yi-yi, my gates.
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Ay, Johnny C. Gave me those.
68
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,212
Tough break, Amigo.
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00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,881
(laughs)
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00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,883
Next item up for bids.
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00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,926
(crowd murmuring)
72
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,095
{\an8}Oh, no!
73
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,432
Oh, hey, look,
they're selling your car, man.
74
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,684
Boy, it's nice.
75
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:08,563
Oh, I will totally kill
whoever buys li'l bandit.
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00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:09,647
Sold.
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00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:10,982
Woo-hoo!
78
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,109
(imitating car revving)
79
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,819
You bought a car
80
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,613
without consulting me?
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00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,239
I don't recall being consulted
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00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,657
when you bought that hat.
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00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,534
I found this hat.
84
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:22,952
Then what are you complaining about?
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00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,037
You got yours.
86
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,038
Mm-hmm-mm.
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(tires screeching)
88
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,045
(tires screeching)
89
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,756
Homer, be careful.
90
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,424
Oh, yeah, you got to be careful
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00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:37,467
when you do a trick like this.
92
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,385
(screaming)
93
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,470
Stop, Homer!
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00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,096
Stop it. Let me out!
95
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,181
You're the boss.
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00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,977
I'm not getting back in this car
97
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,896
until you drive like a sane person.
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00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,147
OK, bye, love you.
99
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,866
You know, if you lived here
you'd be home by now.
100
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:05,286
{\an8}Mr. Hutz, I didn't know
you sold real estate.
101
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,496
{\an8}You didn't?
102
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,456
{\an8}We should talk more often, Marge.
103
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,376
You see, the law business is a little slow
104
00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:12,961
and since most of my clients
105
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wind up losing their houses,
106
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,256
this was a natural move for me.
107
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,217
Helping people find homes...
108
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,760
That must be really rewarding.
109
00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:22,929
Yes, the money is good.
110
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,013
But the beauty is
111
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,849
you get to stay in the house
until it's sold.
112
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,643
Come on, guys, let's go for a swim.
113
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:29,769
(dogs barking)
114
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,232
Gee, this hot rod is souped-up
115
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:35,733
six ways from Sunday.
116
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,944
Never had you figured
for a gear-head, Homer.
117
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Oh, yeah, I'm a real expert.
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00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,115
Is that a six-barrel holley carb?
119
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,367
{\an8}-You betcha.
-Edelbrock intakes?
120
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,703
{\an8}-Nothing but.
-Meyerhof lifters?
121
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:47,704
{\an8}Oh, yeah.
122
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:48,955
I made that last one up.
123
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I see.
124
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MARGE: Selling real estate could be
125
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:54,627
just what I'm looking for.
126
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:57,088
I'd really like to give it a try.
127
00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,381
I don't know, Marge.
128
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,509
Trying is the first step
toward failure. (grunts)
129
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:06,222
Oh, boy, I've got a lot to
learn before that license test.
130
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,558
Don't worry, Mom, we'll help you study.
131
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:09,892
'Course, we'll have to cut back
132
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:10,935
on our own homework.
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What in the heck is a "dwelling"?
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So, you're married
135
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and looking for your first house
136
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,402
Mr. and Mrs...?
137
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,864
-Superman.
-Oh, don't listen to my husband.
138
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:23,865
He's just an idiot.
139
00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:25,491
Now, I'm a veterinarian
140
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and I need to keep lots of
sick animals in my house.
141
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Is that permitted?
142
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Not in my damn house!
143
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:33,583
Well, this neighborhood is zoned R-3,
144
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:37,420
{\an8}which allows dogs, cats,
phone-answering monkeys,
145
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:40,673
and... Oh...
146
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:44,093
I'll never memorize all this.
147
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,304
When I had to learn about the Magna Carta,
148
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:47,555
I made up a song.
149
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:48,806
(to the tune of "Camptown Races")
150
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,809
♪ In 1215 at runnymede, doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
151
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:55,146
♪ The nobles and the king
agreed, oh, de doo-dah day ♪
152
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,106
We should have lived together first.
153
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ALL: ♪ On the closing day,
the escrow agents pay ♪
154
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,737
{\an8}♪ Taxes, liens and interest, too ♪
155
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,530
{\an8}♪ Thanks to Fanny Mae ♪
156
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:07,867
♪ They back your bank ♪
157
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You're all nuts.
158
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,754
(humming "Swanee River")
159
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-Easement!
-(bell rings)
160
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,423
Time's up.
161
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,009
You may now undermine
each other's confidence.
162
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:29,514
Arr, I nailed that one
about houseboats. Did you?
163
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,307
I passed!
164
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,810
(both): Yay! Way to go!
165
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,061
Uh-Oh!
166
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,439
Oh, thank you, Bart.
167
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,316
Thank you, Lisa, for all your help.
168
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,402
What about me? You didn't thank me.
169
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,736
{\an8}You didn't do anything.
170
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,780
I like being thanked.
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00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:52,954
Welcome to the big leagues, Marge.
172
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,415
There's over 50 years
of real-estate experience
173
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:56,707
right in this room.
174
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,210
And 42 of those years are Gil's.
175
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,295
Marge, it's a real pleasure.
176
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:02,547
You got any leads?
177
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:05,049
I need some leads. Please, help me.
178
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,050
That's enough, Gil.
179
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,844
Don't drag her down with you.
180
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:11,514
That's Cookie Kwan.
181
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,724
She's number one on the west side.
182
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,893
Hi, Marge.
183
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,645
Stay off the west side.
184
00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,605
And there's Nick Callahan.
185
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:22,150
MARGE: A headset telephone?!
186
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,986
I thought those
only existed in the movies.
187
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,907
Boo-ya! Guess who sold the Whitman place.
188
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,826
-Way to go, Nick.
-(indistinct chatter)
189
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,829
I've been working on
the Whitman place for 21 years.
190
00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:37,874
And now, Marge, I'd like
to welcome you to the family
191
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,710
with your very own red blazer.
192
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,296
(gasps) For me?
193
00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:47,508
(all cheering)
194
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,681
Thank you.
195
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,099
Thank you, everybody.
196
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:59,061
I'm going to do my darndest
to uphold the principles
197
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:02,190
and ideals this jacket represents.
198
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,319
I give her a week.
199
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:07,695
Are you guys talking about the west side?
200
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:08,905
No, Cookie. I swear it.
201
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:09,989
I'm scared of you.
202
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:15,661
Whoa, Dad!
203
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,663
Doesn't this car have seat belts?
204
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,165
Seat belts? Pfft!
205
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,292
They kill more people than they save.
206
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:24,128
That's not true.
You're thinking of airbags.
207
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,797
There it is!
208
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,090
(brakes screeching)
209
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,509
BART AND LISA: Wow!
210
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,260
LISA: Your own billboard!
211
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,553
BART: Check it out.
212
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:35,348
HOMER: Gee, that picture
makes your butt look big.
213
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:38,809
I thought so, too, but they said it sells.
214
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,311
{\an8}Works for the lumber king.
215
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:45,983
{\an8}Lumber. We need lumber.
216
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,319
Excuse me, Mr. Szyslak.
217
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,321
Have you ever considered
selling your home?
218
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:53,157
What? No. Why? What?
Why? What've you heard?
219
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,785
Are you implying I'm in
some sort of financial trouble?
220
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:56,827
No.
221
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,247
Well, I am. Let me have that card.
222
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:00,957
(slamming)
223
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,628
And here we have a lovely gourmet kitchen
224
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:06,921
with gas range,
225
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:08,130
central can-opener,
226
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,175
and foam under-flooring
for enhanced standability.
227
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,553
Why, isn't this kitchen horribly cramped?
228
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,221
(chuckling)
229
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,890
Why, yes, it is.
230
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,226
Well, I suppose we could get used to it.
231
00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:22,770
Yeah, but you shouldn't have to settle.
232
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,440
You know, I've always loved
the house you're in now.
233
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:28,150
Really?
234
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,111
Well, maybe we should stay put.
235
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,655
Thanks for your honesty, Marge.
236
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:33,948
My pleasure.
237
00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:35,741
If you ever need a prescription,
238
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,159
no questions asked...
239
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,244
(clicking tongue)
240
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:40,663
(hearty chuckle)
241
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,627
Good shot, Barbara!
242
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:47,962
I can't believe it--
243
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:49,964
A house with a bowling alley!
244
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,173
Do you bowl often?
245
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,801
Actually, this is our first time
246
00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:55,511
and I didn't really care for it.
247
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,723
Oh. Well, then you have to ask yourself,
248
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,725
is this the right house for you?
249
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,560
I suppose not.
250
00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:06,105
I guess we were just captivated
by this delightful plaque.
251
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,941
(hearty laughter)
252
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,484
(tires screeching)
253
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:11,986
(engine revving)
254
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:14,614
Hey, skinner, want to drag-race?
255
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,032
My high school sweetheart
256
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,326
was killed in a drag-racing accident.
257
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:19,410
Come on.
258
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:20,911
It'll be fun.
259
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,455
{\an8}That's what Debbie Sue said.
260
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,333
(gears grinding)
261
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,877
Come on, you... Stupid... Car.
262
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,254
You... Get... Going!
263
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,214
(gears still grinding)
264
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,467
That's li'l bandit
265
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:36,177
and she's in pain!
266
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,222
Screw the honor system.
267
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,350
My car needs me.
268
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,810
Hey, you're ruining it for the rest of us!
269
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,105
Stop! That's my car!
270
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,440
(tires squealing)
271
00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:50,691
(coughing)
272
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:51,942
(sniffing)
273
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,944
Hey, that smells like regular.
274
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,905
{\an8}She needs premium, dude!
275
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:58,491
(screaming) Premium!
276
00:10:58,574 --> 00:10:59,992
Dude!
277
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:03,204
Marge, I had a lot of calls about you.
278
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:06,082
Customers love your no-pressure approach.
279
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:08,250
Well, like we say,
280
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,836
"The right house for the right person."
281
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,340
Listen, it's time I let you in
on a little secret, Marge.
282
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,301
The right house is the house
that's for sale.
283
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,804
The right person is anyone.
284
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:22,390
But... All I did was tell the truth.
285
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,849
Of course you did.
286
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,018
But there's... The truth...
287
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,313
And the truth.
288
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,482
Let me show you.
289
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:33,901
MARGE: It's awfully small.
290
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:36,696
I'd say it's awfully... Cozy.
291
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,657
{\an8}MARGE: That's dilapidated.
292
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,033
Rustic.
293
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,660
That house is on fire.
294
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,286
Motivated seller.
295
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,623
That's a beauty.
296
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,875
Forget about that house.
That's the murder house.
297
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,294
Ooh, I remember.
298
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,922
Mrs. Astor was very lucky.
299
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:57,883
Well, no one expects you
to sell that house
300
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,177
But you'd better sell something.
301
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,305
Because cubicles are for closers, Marge.
302
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,724
Anybody who doesn't sell a house
303
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,350
their first week gets fired.
304
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,519
I probably should have
mentioned that earlier.
305
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:14,191
I thought I'd do anything
to succeed in business,
306
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,652
but bending the truth, I don't know.
307
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:20,114
Ah, so you don't have
that killer instinct. Big deal.
308
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:23,159
Yeah, honey. Even if you don't
succeed in the business world,
309
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:26,203
you're still the world's
greatest wife and mother.
310
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,165
(groans) So that's how you see me?
311
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,542
As a spineless potato-cooking housewife
312
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,294
who can't compete in the real world?
313
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:34,962
ALL: Mm-hmm.
314
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:36,547
Well, I can, too, compete
315
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,466
and I'm going to sell a house.
316
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:39,759
End of story.
317
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:43,345
Kids, your mother's
under a lot of pressure.
318
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,140
Why don't we let her
clear the table in peace?
319
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:49,769
(groans)
320
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,939
The first house I have
to show you is, um...
321
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,651
A handyman's dream.
322
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,489
Because it's so dilapidated.
323
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:02,490
(murmurs)
324
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,158
Well, nothing's perfect.
325
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:05,493
I sure hate to make you come out here
326
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:06,786
and not buy a house. (chuckles)
327
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,370
No, slow down, Neddy.
328
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,789
The home-buyers course said
329
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,916
always look inside
the house before buying.
330
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,420
Well, there it is.
331
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,423
Please don't tell anyone how I live.
332
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,302
Hmm... It's awfully small.
333
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:26,055
Some people would call it cozy.
334
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,515
I guess it is sort of cute.
335
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:28,849
But small.
336
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,351
Really, really small.
337
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,853
Hmm. Wh-when you put it that way
338
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,897
it does seem a bit small.
339
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:36,482
(disappointed murmur)
340
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:40,027
Well, that about does it
for houses in this area...
341
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,404
Oh, wait. What about that house?
342
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,823
That has a "for sale" sign.
343
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:46,700
(suspenseful music plays)
344
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,786
Ooh, that's a dilly.
345
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:49,995
How about it, Marge?
346
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,789
(uncomfortable murmur)
347
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:00,923
NEDDY: Oh, my-diddly-i!
348
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,550
Will you look at this place!
349
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,009
(gasps)
350
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,262
And the price has been slashed repeatedly.
351
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,638
It's sure built solid.
352
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:09,431
The kids could scream bloody murder
353
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:10,683
and no one would hear.
354
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,518
Well, I'm just going to spill my guts.
355
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:13,727
I love it to death.
356
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,521
I'm going to give you
a deposit this minute.
357
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,609
Unless you can give me a reason not to.
358
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,528
Is there anything else
we should know, Marge?
359
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,905
(echoey voice) There's the truth...
360
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,198
And the truth.
361
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,783
(lady screaming) No... No!
362
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,243
If you don't sell a house,
363
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,495
you're fired, fired, fired...
364
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:34,331
(lady screaming)
365
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:35,457
Well, Marge?
366
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,717
No. There is absolutely nothing else
367
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,427
to tell you about this house.
368
00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,887
That's good enough for me.
369
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:49,847
(screaming)
370
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,390
Purple drapes!
371
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,559
All my life I've wanted purple drapes.
372
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,394
(screaming)
373
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:01,025
Attention.
374
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,069
Ding-ding, ding-ding ding-ding.
375
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,446
Listen up, everybody.
376
00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:07,656
Marge Simpson sold her first house.
377
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,450
-How about that?
-How nice.
378
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,327
The murder house.
379
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,747
-Wow! Now, that's something.
-Hoo-yay.
380
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,832
Wow, you must have told a whopper
381
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,542
to unload that deathtrap.
382
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:19,919
And what'd you use, Marge? Huh?
383
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,670
The old Buff 'n' Bluff?
384
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,130
The Hail Murray?
385
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:24,214
The Susquehanna Shuffle?
386
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:27,009
Huh? (clicks) Huh? (clicks) Huh?
387
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,011
No. No, no tricks.
388
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,138
It was salesmanship, that's all.
389
00:15:31,221 --> 00:15:32,264
Sure, Marge.
390
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,766
"Salesmanship."
391
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,267
But it was.
392
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,603
Sure, Marge. "Was."
393
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,855
Look, just because everyone
who lived in that house
394
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,983
was hacked to bits, doesn't mean
the Flanders will be.
395
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,818
{\an8}Guess you're right. Who cares?
396
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,070
Well, whatever happens
397
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:47,488
as our newest closer,
398
00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:51,241
you're entitled to wear
the coveted closing blazer.
399
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:52,660
(scattered applause)
400
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,663
And you get a third wall for your cubical.
401
00:15:57,581 --> 00:15:59,124
But I earned that wall.
402
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,501
Don't push your luck, Pal.
403
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:02,503
You're hanging on by a thread.
404
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,505
Well, I brought this wall from home.
405
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,215
(tires screeching)
406
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,219
(laughs)
407
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:11,512
OK.
408
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:14,640
Baldy boy hits wire, head comes off,
409
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:17,559
l'il bandit rolls to a gentle stop.
410
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,561
Everybody wins.
411
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,651
Man, the air feels good on my neck.
412
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,660
Whoo! Gum ball!
413
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,831
Oh, why do I even bother?
414
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,958
(car approaching)
415
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:44,461
I told that idiot to slice my sandwich.
416
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,296
Oh!
417
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,716
Wow, honey, you sold a house
418
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,384
and got rid of the Flanders.
419
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:51,677
What's for dinner?
420
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:53,554
Well, neighborinos,
421
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,180
I guess this is goodbye.
422
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,224
I'd better make this quick
423
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,143
or I'm going to start
blubbering like a baby.
424
00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:00,310
Yeah, me, too.
425
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,645
Let me know if you need any help.
426
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,814
Now that you mention it, we could use...
427
00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:05,357
It was just an expression.
428
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,652
Mm... Good-bye, Ned.
429
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,321
If the slightest thing
goes wrong with that house,
430
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,906
I want you to call me right away
431
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,033
or you can beep me.
432
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,201
In fact, why don't you
just stay here tonight?
433
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,286
We'll go to a hotel.
434
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,371
Oh, you're sweet to offer,
435
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,206
but we're all just so tired.
436
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,583
We just want to get to our new house
437
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:23,876
and rest in peace.
438
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:25,586
So long, Simpsons.
439
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:26,670
-Bye!
-Bye.
440
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,133
(shuddering)
441
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:34,261
That old Flanders' place
gives me the creeps.
442
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,514
♪ My name is Luka ♪
443
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,515
♪ I live ♪
444
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,017
♪ On the second floor... ♪
445
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,143
(Homer screams)
446
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,187
Give me my car, fatty.
447
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,271
(grunting)
448
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:45,606
This is my car!
449
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,649
And I'm not fat, it's glandular.
450
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,650
Right.
451
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,527
(grunting)
452
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,405
MARGE: Ooh...
453
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:05,084
You've got to tell them
the truth, Marge, the truth.
454
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,634
Hello?
455
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,302
Anyone home?
456
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:22,726
(screaming)
457
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,604
Oh, hi, Marge.
458
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,815
(chuckles) Guess we gave you
quite a start.
459
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:30,234
We were painting Todd's room red--
460
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:31,485
Pretty messy work--
461
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,612
And then we came out here to take a break.
462
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:34,613
Must have dozed off.
463
00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:37,741
Red room. Red room.
464
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:38,992
Over there.
465
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:42,246
Well, I'm just glad you're OK.
466
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,539
(sighs)
467
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,500
And I have something to tell you.
468
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,377
(both grunting and groaning)
469
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,798
(tires screeching)
470
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:53,882
My head!
471
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,134
(grunting)
472
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,219
Come on, let's hear that snap.
473
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,181
(grunting)
474
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,266
You...
475
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,606
(grunting)
476
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:11,400
Ow.
477
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:12,693
-You're...
-Ow.
478
00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:13,735
-Going...
-Ow.
479
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:14,736
-Down...
-Ow.
480
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:15,821
Punk!
481
00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:21,702
Whoa, this is so dangerous.
482
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:22,870
Yeah, you're right.
483
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:28,500
{\an8}Wha... What the...
484
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:33,547
{\an8}This is Wiggum reporting a 318-- waking a
police officer.
485
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:34,673
(siren wailing)
486
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,008
(gasping)
487
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,926
This is the murder house?
488
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,469
Mm-hmm.
489
00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:43,515
Oh, you mean the infamous
"jealous jockey murders"?
490
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,309
Mm-hmm.
491
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,811
(gasping) Of course.
492
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,147
This must be where he dropped the dagger.
493
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,607
And this is the butler's pantry
494
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,275
where Mrs. Astor concealed herself
495
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,861
And right here's where
they found the torso heap
496
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:58,363
in front of our very own fireplace.
497
00:19:58,447 --> 00:19:59,740
{\an8}Oh, just think, Neddy.
498
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:01,992
We're part of Springfield history.
499
00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:05,245
Look, Daddy, I'm the jealous jockey.
500
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:06,705
I'm a torso.
501
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,832
I'm glad you're not mad,
502
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,792
but I lied to you
503
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:11,835
and I won't feel right
504
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,921
until I return your deposit.
505
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:15,631
We appreciate the offer, Marge,
506
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,342
but... I think we're going
to be very happy here.
507
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:22,179
{\an8}(all screaming)
508
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:25,766
(siren wailing)
509
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,567
Oh... Marge... (giggling)
510
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:36,944
Still got that deposit check?
511
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:42,199
(groaning)
512
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,909
Oh, wow.
513
00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:46,995
Lucky thing we landed on this bubble wrap.
514
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,413
Hey, quit hogging.
515
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,041
Oh... I'm badly hurt.
516
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:52,834
{\an8}A smashed hot rod?
517
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,211
{\an8}A wrecked police cruiser?
518
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:55,587
{\an8}A destroyed house?
519
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,923
{\an8}I've had it with
your renegade ways, Simpson.
520
00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:00,008
-You're a loose cannon.
-But I...
521
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,426
And what really fries me
522
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,178
is you returned his check!
523
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:07,182
I'm sorry, Mr. Hutz,
but I just can't lie to people.
524
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,226
(laughing)
525
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,353
You're one of a kind, Marge.
526
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:14,690
And nobody deserves this more than you.
527
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,526
Mm...
528
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:19,987
Well, I'm proud of you, Mom.
529
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,447
You refused to compromise your integrity.
530
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,284
Yeah. You did the right thing...
Eventually.
531
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:26,785
Still, it would've been nice
532
00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:29,162
to bring home at least one paycheck.
533
00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:31,915
Oh, you will, honey.
534
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:33,750
You will.
535
00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:41,216
$300 for doing nothing?
536
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,468
I feel like such a crook.
537
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:44,511
Don't worry.
538
00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:46,430
Gets easier every week.
539
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:02,404
(theme music playing)
540
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:42,319
-(murmuring)
-Shh!
541
00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:47,491
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