1
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CHORUS: <i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
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(tires screeching)

3
00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:08,925
(theme music playing)

4
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D'oh! (screams)

5
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(tires screeching)

6
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Marge, stop this crazy thing!

7
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{\an8}We got the popcorn.
Did you get <i>Waiting to Exhale?</i>

8
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,491
{\an8}Well, they put us on the <i>Waiting to Exhale</i>
waiting list,

9
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:35,285
{\an8}but they said don't hold your breath.

10
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{\an8}Did you get <i>Emma? </i>Did you get <i>Emma?</i>

11
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{\an8}-Did ya, did ya, did ya, huh?
-Whoa, whoa.

12
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{\an8}Calm down, little lady.
Take it easy. Take it easy.

13
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{\an8}-(chuckles) No.
-What did you get?

14
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{\an8}Something very close,
exactly along those lines.

15
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{\an8}A Clint Eastwood, Lee Marvin
shoot-'em-up Western!

16
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{\an8}(both groaning)

17
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{\an8}So prepare yourself for the bloody mayhem
and unholy carnage

18
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{\an8}of Joshua Logan's <i>Paint Your Wagon.</i>

19
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{\an8}With blood, I bet.

20
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{\an8}(both laughing)

21
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{\an8}(whinnies)

22
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{\an8}Hey!

23
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{\an8}That's a pretty sorry-looking
wagon you got there, mister.

24
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{\an8}I reckon it could use a coat of paint.

25
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Well, what are we waiting for?

26
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(hoedown music playing)

27
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<i>♪ Gonna paint our wagon ♪</i>

28
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<i>♪ Gonna paint it good ♪</i>

29
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<i>♪ We ain't braggin' ♪</i>

30
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<i>♪ We're gonna coat that wood ♪</i>

31
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<i>♪ They're gonna paint that wagon ♪</i>

32
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<i>♪ They're gonna paint it good ♪</i>

33
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<i>♪ They ain't braggin' ♪</i>

34
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<i>♪ They're gonna coat that wood ♪</i>

35
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(shrieks) They're singing!

36
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They're singing, Marge.

37
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Why aren't they killing each other?

38
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{\an8}Yeah, their guns are right there.

39
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Wait, wait, wait. Here comes Lee Marvin.

40
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Thank God. He's always drunk and violent.

41
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Uh, what the hell is going on in my town?

42
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We're just painting this wagon.

43
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{\an8}You got a problem with that?

44
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{\an8}As a matter of fact, I do.

45
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You missed a spot.

46
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Well, grab a brush and join in.

47
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(hoedown music starts again)

48
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<i>♪ Gonna paint your wagon ♪</i>

49
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<i>♪ Gonna paint it fine ♪</i>

50
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<i>♪ Gonna use oil-based paint ♪</i>

51
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<i>♪ 'Cause the wood is pine ♪</i>

52
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<i>♪ Ponderosa pine ♪</i>

53
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<i>♪ Ooh-ooh ♪</i>

54
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-MAN: <i>Yeehaw!</i>
-MARGE: Mmm.

55
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Who knew that Lee Marvin
could do such marvelous splits?

56
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{\an8}He's dreamy.

57
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Oh, why did they have to screw up
a perfectly serviceable wagon story

58
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with all that fruity singing?

59
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I thought it was toe-tapping fun.

60
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Singing is the lowest form
of communication.

61
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Homer, you sing all the time.

62
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{\an8}No, I don't. I hate to rhyme.

63
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<i>♪ You like musicals, don't you, Dad? ♪</i>

64
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<i>♪ No, I don't I think they're bad ♪</i>

65
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<i>♪ They're fake and phony</i>
<i>and totally wrong ♪</i>

66
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{\an8}<i>♪ Wake up, Dad, you're singing a song ♪</i>

67
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{\an8}<i>♪ I wouldn't, I couldn't</i>
<i>I hate that stuff ♪</i>

68
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<i>♪ Now, Homer, listen, I've had enough ♪</i>

69
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<i>♪ In our family videos ♪</i>

70
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<i>♪ We have plainly seen ♪</i>

71
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<i>♪ You're a singing, dancing</i>
<i>entertainment machine ♪</i>

72
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And a one, and a two, and a three.

73
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<i>♪ Ba-bom, bom, bom ♪</i>

74
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<i>♪ Baby on board ♪</i>

75
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<i>♪ How I've adored ♪</i>

76
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<i>♪ That sign ♪</i>

77
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<i>♪ On my car's ♪</i>

78
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<i>♪ Windowpane... ♪</i>

79
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Hello! Human Fly here.

80
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Come on! I stayed up all night
dyeing my underwear.

81
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Extra, extra! Be Sharps sing on rooftop!

82
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What? Give me one of those!

83
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Wait a minute. There's nothing
in here about the Be Sharps!

84
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-Come back here!
-PAPERBOY: Ha-ha!

85
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(Be Sharps continue singing)

86
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-It's been done.
-(tires screech)

87
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,462
<i>♪ That window sign can't be ignored... ♪</i>

88
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:19,092
-Pretty, huh, Chief?
-It sure is, Lou. It sure is.

89
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Get the tear gas.

90
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<i>♪ A trip to paradise ♪</i>

91
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<i>♪ With my baby ♪</i>

92
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<i>♪ On board ♪</i>

93
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(applause, cheering)

94
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{\an8}(glass smashing)

95
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,319
{\an8}Dad, we can't let this happen
to Belle. Do something.

96
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,487
{\an8}Don't you worry, Son.

97
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My friends! Stop!

98
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We <i>could </i>tear it down,

99
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but we'd be tearing down
a part of ourselves.

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<i>♪ You could close down Moe's ♪</i>

101
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<i>♪ Or the Kwik-E-Mart ♪</i>

102
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<i>♪ And nobody would care ♪</i>

103
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<i>♪ But the heart and soul</i>
<i>of Springfield's in ♪</i>

104
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<i>♪ Our maison derriere ♪</i>

105
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(jazz rhythm)

106
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<i>♪ We're the sauce on your steak ♪</i>

107
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<i>♪ We're the cheese in your cake ♪</i>

108
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<i>♪ We put the "spring" in Springfield ♪</i>

109
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<i>♪ We're the lace on the nightgown ♪</i>

110
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<i>♪ The point after touchdown ♪</i>

111
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<i>♪ Yes, we put the "spring"</i>
<i>in Springfield ♪</i>

112
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<i>♪ We're that little extra spice ♪</i>

113
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<i>♪ That makes existence extra nice ♪</i>

114
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<i>♪ A giddy little thrill</i>
<i>at a reasonable price ♪</i>

115
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<i>♪ Our only major quarrel's ♪</i>

116
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<i>♪ With your total lack of morals ♪</i>

117
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<i>♪ Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad ♪</i>

118
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<i>♪ They seem to entertain your dad ♪</i>

119
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,521
<i>♪ The gin in your martini ♪</i>

120
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<i>♪ The clams on your linguine ♪</i>

121
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<i>♪ Yes, we keep the... ♪</i>

122
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(boing)

123
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<i>♪ In Springfield ♪</i>

124
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<i>♪ We remember our first visit ♪</i>

125
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<i>♪ The service was exquisite ♪</i>

126
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<i>♪ Why, Joseph, I had no idea ♪</i>

127
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<i>♪ Come on, now, you were working here ♪</i>

128
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,663
<i>♪ Without it we'd have had no fun ♪</i>

129
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<i>♪ Since march of 1961 ♪</i>

130
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{\an8}<i>♪ To shut them down now would be twisted ♪</i>

131
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<i>♪ We just heard this place existed ♪</i>

132
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(brass band modulates up)

133
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<i>♪ We're the highlights in your hairdo ♪</i>

134
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<i>♪ The extra arms on Vishnu ♪</i>

135
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<i>♪ So don't take the... ♪</i>

136
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(springs)

137
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<i>♪ We won't take the... ♪</i>

138
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(penny whistle blows)

139
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,069
<i>♪ Yes, let's keep the... ♪</i>

140
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:48,449
<i>♪ In Springfield ♪</i>

141
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:54,539
{\an8}-(horn honks)
-(belches)

142
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{\an8}<i>♪ Mom was right ♪</i>

143
00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:00,169
{\an8}<i>♪ Your singing's a sin ♪</i>

144
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,630
<i>♪ You're as Les Miserab-les ♪</i>

145
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<i>♪ As Lee Mar-vin... ♪</i>

146
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(gagging)

147
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<i>♪ Sure, your dad's singing ♪</i>

148
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,847
<i>♪ Could make your hair curl ♪</i>

149
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,640
<i>♪ But you, too, Bart ♪</i>

150
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:15,351
<i>♪ Have sung and danced like a girl ♪</i>

151
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Eep.

152
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(both yelling, whooping)

153
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,860
-(squeaking)
-(gasps) it's so thick!

154
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:25,445
(inhaling deeply)

155
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(coughing) Your turn, Bart.

156
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(sucking)

157
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{\an8}(coughs) Whoa! That's good squishy.

158
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,292
{\an8}(groaning)

159
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:42,378
{\an8}What's it like, Bart? Bart? Bart?

160
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,922
{\an8}-(babbling gibberish)
-Give me that!

161
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:45,965
(slurps)

162
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:49,510
(moans, yelps)

163
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:52,638
{\an8}OK. We're young, rich and full of sugar.
What'll we do?

164
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,892
Let's go crazy Broadway-style!

165
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BOTH: Yeah!

166
00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:01,147
<i>♪ Springfield, Springfield,</i>
<i>it's a hell of a town ♪</i>

167
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:03,816
<i>♪ The schoolyard's up,</i>
<i>and the shopping mall's down ♪</i>

168
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,402
<i>♪ The stray dogs go to the animal pound ♪</i>

169
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,070
<i>♪ Springfield, Springfield ♪</i>

170
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,155
<i>♪ Springfield, Springfield ♪</i>

171
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,948
<i>♪ New York, New York ♪</i>

172
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:14,494
-New York is thataway, man.
-Thanks, kid.

173
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:18,998
<i>♪ It's a helluva town ♪</i>

174
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:24,420
{\an8}-(show music continues)
-Whoa. Wow.

175
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,767
(spitting)

176
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,770
-(cats yowling, hissing)
-Huh? Huh?

177
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:50,196
Mmm! Free goo.

178
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,914
{\an8}MILHOUSE: Hey! Don't Bogart that squishy!

179
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:04,252
(gulping) I don't know where
you magic pixies came from,

180
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,629
but I like your pixie drink.

181
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,968
{\an8}-(music continues)
-(laughing)

182
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,807
(groaning)

183
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,809
Oh, my head.

184
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,353
{\an8}<i>♪ That was pretty bad, Bart ♪</i>

185
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,564
{\an8}<i>♪ But it could've been worse ♪</i>

186
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:28,943
{\an8}<i>♪ You could have been carrying</i>
<i>a sequined purse ♪</i>

187
00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:31,362
<i>♪ I hate to dance ♪</i>

188
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:33,781
<i>♪ And prance and sing ♪</i>

189
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:38,703
<i>♪ That's really more of a Milhouse thing ♪</i>

190
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,621
<i>♪ I think you move ♪</i>

191
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,040
<i>♪ Like a young Baryshnikov ♪</i>

192
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,333
<i>♪ Nobody move ♪</i>

193
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,334
(gun cocking)

194
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,588
<i>♪ Or I'll blow your heads off ♪</i>

195
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:53,301
<i>♪ Ooh-ooh ♪</i>

196
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:56,887
<i>♪ Ooh-uh-yech! ♪</i>

197
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:07,523
<i>♪ It's a desperate criminal</i>
<i>on the run from the law ♪</i>

198
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,817
<i>♪ Please spare my children ♪</i>

199
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,986
{\an8}<i>♪ And their damp-trousered pa ♪</i>

200
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:17,199
<i>♪ A singing family,</i>
<i>it's worse than I feared ♪</i>

201
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:21,871
<i>♪ For hostage purposes,</i>
<i>you're just too weird ♪</i>

202
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,623
<i>♪ Bye! ♪</i>

203
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,918
<i>♪ See? All this singing scared him away ♪</i>

204
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:31,631
<i>♪ If we just talked like normal</i>
<i>he'd probably stay ♪</i>

205
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:35,509
<i>♪ Many people in this town</i>
<i>sing like we do ♪</i>

206
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:41,349
<i>♪ There's Mr. Burns,</i>
<i>there's Krusty and even Apu ♪</i>

207
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:46,979
Whether igloo, hut or lean-to
or a geodesic dome,

208
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:51,108
there's no structure have been to which
I'd rather call my home.

209
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:52,777
Hello. (yelps)

210
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:54,779
<i>♪ When I first arrived ♪</i>

211
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,113
<i>♪ You were all such jerks ♪</i>

212
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:59,408
<i>♪ But now I've come to love your quirks ♪</i>

213
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,410
<i>♪ Maggie with her eyes so bright ♪</i>

214
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,746
{\an8}<i>♪ Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright ♪</i>

215
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,873
<i>♪ Lisa can philosophize ♪</i>

216
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,875
<i>♪ Bart's adept at spinning lies ♪</i>

217
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,002
<i>♪ Homer's a delightful fella ♪</i>

218
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,296
<i>♪ Sorry 'bout the salmonella ♪</i>

219
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:13,714
(chuckles) That's OK.

220
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:14,882
(screaming)

221
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,759
<i>♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? ♪</i>

222
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,678
{\an8}<i>♪ Now here's the tricky part ♪</i>

223
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:22,181
<i>♪ Oh, won't you rhyme with me? ♪</i>

224
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,226
<i>♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? ♪</i>

225
00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:27,311
<i>♪ Their floors are Stick-E-Mart ♪</i>

226
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,814
<i>♪ They make that Sick-E-Mart ♪</i>

227
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:31,565
<i>♪ Let's hurl a Brick-E-Mart ♪</i>

228
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,693
{\an8}<i>♪ The Kwik-E-Mart is real-- ♪</i>

229
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:34,652
{\an8}D'oh!

230
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:39,115
<i>♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? ♪</i>

231
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:43,035
<i>-♪ Not me! ♪</i>
-♪ Forget the Kwik-E-Mart ♪

232
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,204
<i>♪ Good-bye to Kwik-E-Mart ♪</i>

233
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,498
<i>♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? ♪</i>

234
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:48,791
<i>♪ Not me ♪</i>

235
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:56,799
(sighs) Everything really
wrapped up nicely.

236
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,718
Hmm. Much quicker than usual.

237
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,721
I guess we've learned that happiness is
wherever you find it.

238
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:05,474
And we've all found happiness,
every one of us.

239
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,019
-(Apu crying)
-(TV clicks on)

240
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,481
Hey, what's that sound?

241
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,108
(crying)

242
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,530
<i>♪ Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? ♪</i>

243
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:25,286
<i>♪ I do ♪</i>

244
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:29,832
Hey, he's not happy at all!
He lied to us through song!

245
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:32,001
I hate when people do that!

246
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,462
-(drum roll)
-ANNOUNCER: <i>Live from Springfield,</i>

247
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,380
<i>the entertainment capital of this state,</i>

248
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,382
<i>the </i>Krusty Komeback Special!

249
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,593
(soft piano music playing)

250
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,471
<i>♪ Send in ♪</i>

251
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:47,016
<i>♪ The clowns ♪</i>

252
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:53,022
<i>♪ Those daffy, laughy clowns ♪</i>

253
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:58,152
{\an8}<i>♪ Send in those soulful and doleful ♪</i>

254
00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:03,824
{\an8}<i>♪ Schmaltz-by-the-bowlful clowns ♪</i>

255
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,914
<i>♪ Send in the clowns ♪</i>

256
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:12,124
(sobbing)

257
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:18,839
<i>♪ They're already here ♪</i>

258
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,346
(applause)

259
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,893
-I love you, Krusty.
-Quiet!

260
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,940
Maybe we were wrong
about Burns on this one.

261
00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:41,070
Are you sure you want
to go through with this, sir?

262
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:43,948
You do have a very full wardrobe as it is.

263
00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:48,994
Yes. But not completely full. For you see-

264
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:52,206
<i>♪ Some men hunt for sport ♪</i>

265
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:54,792
<i>♪ Others hunt for food ♪</i>

266
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:59,505
<i>♪ The only thing I'm hunting for ♪</i>

267
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:05,803
<i>♪ Is an outfit that looks good ♪</i>

268
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:12,059
<i>♪ See my ♪</i>

269
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,563
<i>♪ Vest, see my vest</i>
<i>made from real Gorilla chest ♪</i>

270
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,730
<i>♪ Feel this sweater ♪</i>

271
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,525
<i>♪ There's no better</i>
<i>than authentic Irish setter ♪</i>

272
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,360
<i>♪ See this hat, 'twas my cat ♪</i>

273
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,696
<i>♪ My evening wear, vampire bat ♪</i>

274
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,239
<i>♪ These white slippers ♪</i>

275
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,616
<i>♪ Are albino African endangered rhino ♪</i>

276
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,577
<i>♪ Grizzly bear underwear ♪</i>

277
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,620
<i>♪ Turtles' necks, I've got my share ♪</i>

278
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:35,499
<i>♪ Beret of poodle</i>
<i>on my noodle it shall rest ♪</i>

279
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,585
<i>♪ Try my red robin suit ♪</i>

280
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,670
<i>♪ It comes one breast or two ♪</i>

281
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,839
<i>♪ See my vest, see my vest ♪</i>

282
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,716
<i>♪ See my vest ♪</i>

283
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:49,471
<i>♪ Like my ♪</i>

284
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,391
<i>♪ Loafers, former gophers ♪</i>

285
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,894
<i>♪ It was that or skin my chauffeurs ♪</i>

286
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,938
<i>♪ But a greyhound fur tuxedo</i>
<i>would be best ♪</i>

287
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,024
<i>♪ So let's prepare these dogs ♪</i>

288
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,609
<i>♪ Kill two for matching clogs ♪</i>

289
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,277
{\an8}<i>♪ See my vest ♪</i>

290
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,737
{\an8}<i>♪ See my vest ♪</i>

291
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:11,160
<i>♪ Oh, please, won't you see my vest? ♪</i>

292
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,039
-I really like the vest.
-I gathered, yeah.

293
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:17,249
We gotta get the dogs out of there!

294
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:22,004
{\an8}<i>♪ Because he was singing,</i>
<i>we overheard his plan ♪</i>

295
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:25,549
{\an8}<i>♪ And could save those dogs</i>
<i>from that mean old man ♪</i>

296
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:29,386
<i>♪ It still wasn't worth</i>
<i>Burns' song and dance ♪</i>

297
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:34,183
<i>♪ I'm back, so resume wetting your pants ♪</i>

298
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,267
OK.

299
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,644
<i>♪ Because of you all ♪</i>

300
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,812
<i>♪ I got a tune in my head ♪</i>

301
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:43,067
<i>♪ And the only way to stop it</i>
<i>is to make you all dead ♪</i>

302
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,236
Oh, I knew I should have shut that window.

303
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,745
<i>♪ Say your prayers ♪</i>

304
00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:57,748
<i>♪ And then it's ka-blammo ♪</i>

305
00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,917
(clicking)

306
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,797
<i>♪ Uh-oh, I'll be back ♪</i>

307
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,508
<i>♪ When I get some ammo ♪</i>

308
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:08,884
Bye.

309
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:13,055
<i>♪ Even the criminals</i>
<i>are beginning to croon ♪</i>

310
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:16,558
<i>♪ Homie, this whole town runs on a tune ♪</i>

311
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:21,730
<i>♪ Our churches, our clubs,</i>
<i>our government, too ♪</i>

312
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:25,484
<i>♪ Springfield swings like a pendulum do! ♪</i>

313
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:32,241
<i>♪ We can't even get</i>
<i>any local laws passed ♪</i>

314
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:35,786
<i>♪ Without everyone singing ♪</i>

315
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:41,417
<i>♪ Like a big Broadway cast ♪</i>

316
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:47,172
Very well. We will now hear
suggestions for the, uh,

317
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,174
disbursement of the, uh,
two million dollars.

318
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,843
Don't you mean three million dollars?

319
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,138
Of course. How silly of me.

320
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:55,431
(whistles)

321
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,890
You know, a town with money

322
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,476
is a little like the mule
with a spinning wheel.

323
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,938
No one knows how he got it,
and danged if he knows how to use it.

324
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,775
{\an8}-(laughter)
-(chuckles) Mule.

325
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,862
The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley.

326
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:13,198
And I come before you good people tonight
with an idea.

327
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:16,702
Probably the greatest--
Ah, it's not for you.

328
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:19,455
It's more of a Shelbyville idea.

329
00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:21,498
MAYOR DIAMOND: Now wait just a minute.

330
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,876
We're twice as smart
as the people of Shelbyville.

331
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,211
Just tell us your idea,
and we'll vote for it.

332
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:29,089
All right. I tell you what I'll do.

333
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,674
I'll show you my idea.

334
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:36,388
-I give you the Springfield monorail!
-(all gasping)

335
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:40,434
I've sold monorails to Brockway,
Ogdenville and North Haverbrook,

336
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:42,895
{\an8}and by gum, it put them on the map!

337
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,898
{\an8}Well, sir, there's nothing on Earth
like a genuine, bona fide,

338
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:48,150
electrified, six-car monorail.

339
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,069
-What'd I say?
-Monorail!

340
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,695
-What's it called?
-Monorail!

341
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:56,450
-That's right, monorail!
-ALL: Monorail. Monorail. Monorail.

342
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,494
<i>♪ I hear those things are awfully loud ♪</i>

343
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,537
<i>♪ It glides as softly as a cloud ♪</i>

344
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,706
<i>♪ Is there a chance</i>
<i>the track could bend? ♪</i>

345
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,708
<i>♪ Not on your life, my Hindu friend ♪</i>

346
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,627
<i>♪ What about us brain-dead slobs? ♪</i>

347
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,754
<i>♪ You'll be given cushy jobs ♪</i>

348
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:10,798
<i>♪ Were you sent here by the devil? ♪</i>

349
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,633
<i>♪ No, good sir, I'm on the level ♪</i>

350
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,718
<i>♪ The ring came off my pudding can ♪</i>

351
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,220
<i>♪ Take my penknife, my good man ♪</i>

352
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,514
<i>♪ I swear it's Springfield's only choice ♪</i>

353
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,724
<i>♪ Throw up your hands</i>
<i>and raise your voice ♪</i>

354
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:21,850
ALL: <i>♪ Monorail! ♪</i>

355
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:22,810
<i>♪ What's it called? ♪</i>

356
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:23,894
<i>♪ Monorail! ♪</i>

357
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:24,895
<i>♪ Once again ♪</i>

358
00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:27,481
<i>♪ Monorail! ♪</i>

359
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,235
<i>♪ But main street's still</i>
<i>all cracked and broken ♪</i>

360
00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:32,820
<i>♪ Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken ♪</i>

361
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,488
<i>♪ Monorail ♪</i>

362
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,990
<i>♪ Monorail ♪</i>

363
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,743
<i>♪ Monorail ♪</i>

364
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:40,911
Monorail!

365
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,288
Mono-- D'oh!

366
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,294
{\an8}Hymns here! I got hymns here!
Get 'em while they're holy!

367
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:53,298
{\an8}Fresh from God's brain to your mouth!
(sinister chuckle)

368
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,635
And now please rise for our opening hymn,

369
00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:59,763
{\an8}uh, "In the Garden of Eden"

370
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,891
{\an8}by I. Ron Butterfly.

371
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,978
(playing to the tune of
"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida")

372
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:14,153
<i>♪ in the garden of Eden, honey ♪</i>

373
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:17,489
<i>♪ Don't you know that I love you ♪</i>

374
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:21,535
<i>♪ In the garden of Eden, baby ♪</i>

375
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:25,330
<i>♪ Don't you know</i>
<i>that I'll always be true ♪</i>

376
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:28,041
-(organ continues)
-(sinister chuckle)

377
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:34,381
Hey, Marge, remember
when we used to make out to this hymn?

378
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:37,342
-(giggles) shh! shh! shh!
-(chuckling)

379
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,768
<i>♪ Oh, won't you come with me ♪</i>

380
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:50,564
{\an8}<i>♪ And take my hand? ♪</i>

381
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:54,902
Wait a minute. This sounds
like rock and/or roll.

382
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,171
<i>♪ Who controls the British crown? ♪</i>

383
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:16,298
<i>♪ Who keeps the metric system down? ♪</i>

384
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:18,342
<i>♪ We do ♪</i>

385
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:20,260
<i>♪ We do ♪</i>

386
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:22,596
<i>♪ Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? ♪</i>

387
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,514
<i>♪ Who keeps the Martians under wraps? ♪</i>

388
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,350
<i>♪ We do ♪</i>

389
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:28,435
<i>♪ We do ♪</i>

390
00:20:28,852 --> 00:20:32,940
<i>♪ Who holds back the electric car? ♪</i>

391
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:35,609
<i>♪ Who makes Steve Guttenberg ♪</i>

392
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,194
<i>♪ A star? ♪</i>

393
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,112
<i>♪ We do ♪</i>

394
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,448
<i>♪ We do ♪</i>

395
00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:43,617
<i>♪ Who robs cave fish of their sight? ♪</i>

396
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,619
<i>♪ Who rigs every Oscar night? ♪</i>

397
00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:48,538
<i>♪ We do ♪</i>

398
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:52,542
<i>♪ We do! ♪</i>

399
00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:57,965
<i>♪ All right, Marge ♪</i>

400
00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:02,427
<i>♪ You've convinced me there are</i>
<i>more terrible things ♪</i>

401
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:07,099
<i>♪ Than musical comedies</i>
<i>where everyone sings ♪</i>

402
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,435
{\an8}<i>♪ There is something worse ♪</i>

403
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,771
{\an8}<i>♪ And it really does blow ♪</i>

404
00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:15,816
{\an8}<i>♪ When a long-running series ♪</i>

405
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:21,905
<i>♪ Does a cheesy clip show ♪</i>

406
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:25,242
<i>♪ I'm back to commit ♪</i>

407
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,036
<i>♪ Felonious assault ♪</i>

408
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,290
<i>♪ Because your infernal singing ♪</i>

409
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,375
<i>♪ Just would not halt ♪</i>

410
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,044
-Actually, we're done.
-Done, done.

411
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,922
-And not a moment too soon.
-Oh, OK then.

412
00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:41,675
Well, then I got
no beef with you. (grunts)

413
00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:45,971
-OK, who wants dinner?
-(all clamoring)

414
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:47,723
Well, let's get eating.

415
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:50,058
-(humming)
-(gunshots)

416
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:53,603
All right, all right. Sorry.

417
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:02,321
(theme music playing)

418
00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:09,244
-(gunshots)
-(theme music stops playing)

419
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:13,707
SNAKE: Yo! I told you
<i>to stop the music, dudes. I'm serious!</i>

420
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,709
(crickets chirping)

421
00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:19,713
(theme music resumes)

422
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:25,802
SNAKE: Oh, oh, oh!
<i>You're so not listening!</i>

423
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,554
-(gunshots)
-(music stops)

424
00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:30,599
(crickets chirping)

425
00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,768
(theme music resumes softly)

426
00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:36,313
SNAKE: <i>OK, I hear that.</i>

427
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:39,107
- <i>I hear that, dudes!</i>
-(gunshot)

428
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:41,693
-(mellow instrumental)
-(gunshot)

429
00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:44,279
SNAKE: <i>You too, Gracie music dude! Guh!</i>

430
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:46,782
{\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services