(theme music playing)
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
(tires screeching)
D-oh!
(screams)
Ha-ha!
(Marge grunting)
Come on!
You have to go outside to do your... business.
The experts say if you want
an animal to do something
you should do it yourself first to show him how.
I'm not going to the bathroom in the backyard.
Sorry, your majesty.
Hmm... Why don't you want to go out there?
Yuck!
The kids are supposed to be keeping this yard clean.
(hissing)
(gasping)
(Ned screaming)
Ned, I'm so sorry.
-Oh, no problem, Marge. -(snake hissing)
Oh!
Turn on the TV, Lis.
You turn it on. I turned it on yesterday.
Allowance day. Ding, ding, ding.
You don't deserve an allowance.
Sure we do. Ding, ding, ding.
BOTH: ding, ding, ding...
Ice cream man! Ice cream man!
That backyard is a disgrace. Now get busy.
That's a good suggestion, Mom.
We'll take it under advisement.
But I can't go out dressed like this.
What if someone sees me?
You're just going into our backyard.
No one will see you.
NELSON: HAW...
(grunts)
Haw!
Oh, man... Look at all this stuff.
"Pull weeds, mow lawn, scoop and bag 'dog business.'"
There's got to be a way out of this.
Lisa, chop off my hands.
No!
Then who'd chop off my hands?
All right, you chop my hands halfway off
and I'll still have strength to--
Get to work!
Kids, I made some lemonade for you.
BART: Sounds great.
LISA: Bring it in here.
(groans) What the...
What are you doing inside?
Work was hard, so we quit.
What?
Hard work made us quit.
I see.
Well, then, no chores, no allowance.
OK. We get our room and board free anyway.
And Santy Claus provides the rest.
(grumbling)
(carnival music playing)
(gasping)
The carnival!
We need money fast.
MARGE: Well, well, well.
Looks like somebody's going to have to do some yard...
It's carnival time. Here's money kids.
Take what you need.
Free money. Oh, boy.
(all three) Ding, ding, ding, ding.
(groaning)
(music playing)
Ooh, ooh, I want to see lobster boy and shrimp girl.
I want some fried sugar.
I want to go on the yard work simulator.
MARGE: But when I ask you
to do yard work...
(heavy sigh)
Wow! The tooth chipper!
(screaming)
(moaning and groaning)
(screaming)
(moaning and groaning)
Ooh, ooh! Me first.
You can't go on that.
You have a heart condition.
Heart condition? Get out of here.
You had a quadruple bypass. You nearly died.
Don't you remember?
Obviously, I don't. If you'll get out of my way...
But it doesn't look safe.
And the guy running it looks seedy.
No offense.
None taken.
He's not just some guy, Marge.
He's a Carny and part of a noble tradition.
Carnies built this country--
The carnival part of it anyway--
And though they may be ratlike in appearance,
they are truly kings among men.
OK. Let's go, fatty.
Yes, sir.
(all laughing)
(all groaning)
HOMER: Ow! My heart.
(heavy sigh)
Fear! Fear in the pit of your stomach.
No surgeon can save you.
No Bromo can soothe you.
Do you dare enter
the screamatorium of Dr. Frightmarestein?
Only two tickets left.
Two tickets? Whoa, what a break!
(weak screaming)
(sound of tape rewinding)
(weak screaming)
This isn't very scary.
DRACULA-LIKE VOICE: I vant your blood.
Um, I think that one's broken.
Hee-haw!
That was just confusing.
Behold the ravages of age.
(buzzer blaring)
Boo! Exit to your left.
Sorry.
MAN: And they're off! There they go!
(children shouting)
(sputtering)
Why does this always happen when I stand here?
What is it about this exact spot?
(sputtering)
It's happening again!
Three rings for a dollar.
Who's ready? Who's ready?
BOY: Seen any pidgeons yet, Dad?
(mindless humming)
(mindless cooing)
How about you, lucky?
(gasping) Who, me?
Hey, saw-top
Want your dad to win you a TV?
BART: Quick, Dad, before somebody else wins it!
Ooh, almost.
Rats. Too hard.
Ooh, that was close.
Wow, what a scam.
Sorry, son. Daddy failed.
Oh, listen, pal.
I got a son of my own.
Here.
(sniffling) A novelty comb.
Kings among men.
You're looking at Adolf Hitler's personal limousine.
It's roomier than Bonnie and Clyde's death car
and was first automoble to come with Farfegneugen.
CROWD: Ooh!
Wow, it's fuhrer-rific.
There are some who say
Hitler's skeleton is in the trunk.
Others say just his spare tire.
I'm a busy man, so I haven't checked yet.
Hmm... One of these must activate the flamethrower.
-Uh-oh. -(crowd gasping)
Bart!
What in the name of high school football...
(crowd speaking indistinctly)
(horn honking)
Out of my way. I'm Hitler.
Oh! Oh! Man, that hurts!
Oh, I can't stand it!
(screaming)
You are...
in grave danger!
(screaming)
You wrecked Hitler's car.
What did he ever do to you, huh?
(groaning)
Why, you just damaged the main attraction of my carnival, son.
Hey, I thought I was your main attraction.
(stammering)
Oh, you are, Humphrey, you are.
Hey, he's getting away. Not so fast, partner.
You owe me some money.
Hey, come on.
He doesn't have any money.
Look at his clothes.
Hmm...
Well, I still can't let him off the hook.
You're going to work off your debt right here.
At the carnival? Cool.
Hey, that's not fair. I want to be a Carny, too.
Can I, Mister? Huh? Can ? Please?
I don't know.
You going to get drunk
and start a lot of trouble?
Sure. Anything you want.
All right. See you tomorrow, 6:00 a.m.
And you're going to work like you've never worked before.
BOTH: Whoo-Hoo! Whoo-hoo!
We just saw the most amazing camel.
It was wearing a hat.
(alarm ringing)
-(rats squeaking) -(chuckling)
Son, if you don't finish your cotton candy
you won't get your snow cone.
Aw, heck.
Hey, you lost your money fair and square.
I didn't scam nobody.
(laughing) Put down your stick.
We're here to work.
Starting today we're Carnies just like you.
Well, in that case let me show you how I scammed you.
Have a seat.
Spud, throw a couple more apples in the caramel.
Ugh...
Oh, don't worry. That's just to scare off thieves.
Yeah. He's telling the truth.
Thanks for the food, Mister.
Name's Cooder.
This is my boy, Spud,
and there's no need to thank us.
We carnival folks look out for each other.
That's the Carny Code.
Did you hear that, Bart?
The Carny Code. Bart, did you hear that?
Yes.
Ah, there you are.
You two ready to work?
Yes, sir!
So what's our first job, huh?
Test the roller coaster?
-Fry up cheese? -Hose down freaks?
Somethin' like that, yeah.
Oh, this isn't fun.
Maybe if you didn't go to the bathroom so much
you wouldn't be so small.
Ow.
Please, folks, hold your fire.
The water level is dangerously low.
(yelling)
D-ohh! (crying)
Oh, my leg!
(cackling)
All right. Now, this geek bit is pretty straightforward.
You just bite the heads off the chickens
and take a bow.
Go on. Give it a try. Remember, big smiles.
-Oh, Bart? -Yeah, Dad?
Do I like chicken?
Does it matter?
I guess not.
Hey, boss, me and Spud got to duck out
for our AA Meeting.
We need someone to cover for us.
(grunts)
OK. Simpson, you and your boy'll be taking over the ring toss.
Dad, we're saved.
(mumbling)
Buddy, you're the luckiest chicken in the world.
You see, the trick here is the rings won't fit
over the good prizes.
Oh, we'll see about that.
Give me ten rings.
So, anyway, um...
The main thing is to bring in the rubes.
Do whatever it takes.
Sweet talk, insults, slang from the '30s.
that no one uses anymore.
Like "rubes"?
Now you're on the trolley.
We gotta git. Here's the money box.
Any questions?
Uh, yeah. How do we handle refunds?
I'm going to give this to you.
-Good move. -Give me ten rings.
Lookee, lookee, hey, hey, wocka, wocka.
I got rings and you want them.
Win a genuine Ronex watch,
just like a real moogie star.
Hey, there's a sucker.
Aw, come on, Dad, get on the trolley.
Hey, high-pockets win something for your girlfriend?
(both laughing)
Seymour, I want that lamp.
Win that lamp for me, Seymour.
All right, Simpson, be honest with me.
Is it actually possible to win this game?
If I like you it is.
Hot dog! Let's go.
No. Throw it over the peg.
Well, that's no good.
Oh, no! Are you blind?
I'm trying, Mother. It's hard.
You're failing, Seymour.
What is it about you and failure?
(grunting)
We're natural-born Carnies, Dad.
If only we weren't tied down with a family.
Yeah. We could start our own game
where people throw ducks at balloons
and nothing's the way it seems.
Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys
but I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
(chuckling) And how.
Gee, I'd hate to close you down.
Maybe we can reach a little, uh, understanding here.
I understand.
Um, hey, dad...
I... I think he wants...
Not right now, son.
Daddy's talking to a policeman.
Let me put it this way.
I'm looking for my friend "Bill."
Have you seen any "Bills" around here?
No.
He's Bart.
(groans)
Listen carefully and watch me wink as I speak, OK?
OK.
The guy I'm really looking for, wink
is Mr. "Bribe," wink, wink.
It's a ring toss game.
That's it. I'm shutting this game down.
(siren wailing)
Well, ain't that something?
Our game!
Our home!
Wh-what happened here?
Cops took it.
What?
Why didn't you bribe 'em?
I was trying to
but the opportunity never came up.
Oh, good lord.
Our whole life was in that trailer.
What are we going to do now?
Can't you stay in the whack-a-mole game?
SPUD: Naw. Fantastic Dan lives there.
Did you call me, Spud?
Look at them, Bart.
If a Carny can wind up homeless it can happen to anyone.
I'm going for a corn dog. You want one?
Yes, but first there's a little matter of the Carny Code.
Cooder, Spud, get off that hog.
You're coming to stay at our house.
(shuddering)
Why did you shudder just now, Mom?
I don't know.
You certainly have a nice house here ma'am.
It must have taken you years to win all this stuff.
Let me get you a coaster for those feet.
Hey, check this out.
I can unhinge all my joints at once.
(cracking)
Doing anything tonight, blue eyes?
Eww.
How long are those roustabouts
going to be staying here?
Oh, it won't be long.
Once their resume gets out
they'll have all kinds of offers.
The older one can pull out his left eye.
(screams)
COODER: A little help.
Here's a little trick my grandmother taught me.
(all gasp)
(grunts)
HOMER: No.
Wow! Can you do that again?
Not for a little while.
So, Mr. Cooder, how long have you been
in the traveling amusement industry?
Oh, hell, the Cooders have been Carnies
ever since we came here in 1620
clinging to the side of the mayflower.
(grunts)
Thanks for dinner, Mom. I love you.
Aw, aren't you sweet? Hey! My pearls.
(laughing)
Spud taught me that.
Good one, Spud.
It sure is awful kind of you
to take us into your beautiful home here.
I just wish we had some way to repay you.
(whispering)
Yeah. Good thinking, Spudford.
Uh, you folks ever been on a glass bottom boat ride?
'Cause we just happen to have some tickets.
Ooh, what a nice surprise.
This is so generous of you, Cooder.
Now who's the filthy sleazebag, huh, Marge?
The undersea world certainly is full of wonders.
(oohing and aahing)
That's our sister ship, the Athena.
Went down with 88 souls just last week.
(shutters clicking)
I wonder how that happened?
Hey, come on, sharky!
Yeah. You want a piece of this?
You call yourself the king of the jungle.
(cracking)
That was fun! I wish we had a glass bottom car.
I can't help but wonder what we're missing.
I was wrong about the Cooders, Dad.
They're the nicest of all the transients
you've ever brought home.
(murmured agreement)
That's weird. The key doesn't fit.
Hey, someone's boarded up our windows.
Check this out.
What's going on?
Cooder!
What have you done to our house?
It's ours now.
Tell us where the extra sheets are
and get off our property.
(gasps) They're squatting in our house.
You can't do this to me.
What about the Carny Code?
(both laughing)
HOMER: Carnies took over our house!
You've got to help us.
Well, well, look who's here-- Mr. "No Bribe."
Sure we'll help you.
Just sit down and wait for detective "Like-I-Give-a-Damn."
Thank you so much.
Dad...
Honey, daddy's waiting for the detective.
I found some food for breakfast.
I hope everyone likes the red things that grow on this tree.
Bart, you're brushing your teeth with my twig.
So? I let you use my leaves.
(Cooders laughing)
Listen to 'em-- watching my television,
sitting on my couch.
You better not be in my ass-groove!
Homer!
It took me years to forge that groove.
(sax playing)
Oh!
One of them's playing my saxophone.
(watery gurgling)
Oh, no! The spit valve! Release the spit valve!
Over the sink! Over the sink!
Hey, look at me-- I'm a millionaire.
Wow, Dad!
You look like James Bond.
(chuckles)
Hey, it's getting cold in here.
Throw another one of them photo albums on the fire.
Which one--
"Precious Moments" or "Treasured Memories"?
Quit your yapping. I'm freezing.
HOMER: Good morning, everybody.
-(Homer yells) -MARGE: Homer!
HOMER: Stupid gravity.
We can't just give up our home.
There's got to be a way
to get those guys out of there.
I say, we set fire to the house-- kill them that way.
We don't want to kill them, Bart.
We just want our home back.
Well... If we did set fire to the house--
No fires!
-I've got it! -No fires!
Aw.
There must be a way to outsmart them.
Uh, you can't outsmart carnival folk.
They're the cleverest folk in the world.
Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with those crooked games.
(gasps) That's it!
Fire! Or...
Cooder residence.
I got a proposition for you, Cooder.
Yeah. I'm listening.
One game of ring toss.
If I can throw this hula hoop onto the chimney
you'll give us our house back.
If I miss, I'll sign the deed over to you.
Homer, no!
Aw, you'll never make it, Dad!
So... We'd own the house legit?
That's right.
Deal.
Oh, I can't watch.
(neck cracks)
(grunts)
(kids groaning)
Now!
What the...
(all Simpsons laughing)
Hey, they just ran into the house.
That Homer fella grifted you good, Dad.
Well, there's no shame in being beaten by the best.
But he didn't seem--
We were beaten by the best, boy.
I'm so proud of you, Homer.
You got our house back.
Way to go, Dad. You actually outwitted someone.
Yeah, I guess your old man is smarter than you thought.
Yeah. Look at them standing out there-- no place to go.
(laughs)
Poor guys.
Hey, what if we let them stay here for just a few days?
Mom, get him away from the window.
Homer?
My groove!
Aw, they mushed it all out of shape.
All right. Better put on a pot of coffee, Marge.
This could take a while.
♪ Uhh ♪
♪ Awww, sookie sookie now ♪
(groaning)
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Ow! Uhh! Come on, baby ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Groove me, baby ♪
♪ I need you to groove me ♪
♪ Ahhh, yeah, now, now, darling' ♪
HOMER: Come on, yo. Just a little... more.
Oh, little more. Little left, left.
♪ Groove me, baby ♪
HOMER: What did he do to this thing?
HOMER: Almost. (groaning)
♪ Ahh, sock it to me, mama ♪
♪ Uhh! Ahh! I like it like that, baby ♪
♪ Uhh! Groove me, baby ♪
♪ Hey! Uhh! Groove me, darlin' ♪
♪ Come on, come on ♪
♪ I need you to sock it to me, mama ♪
♪ Come on, and now ♪
♪ Groove me, baby ♪
♪ Hey! Uh! ♪
♪ Good, God! ♪
♪ It makes me feel so good inside, mama ♪
-(murmuring) -Shh!
Captioned by Visual Data Media Service