CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
(tires screeching)
D'oh! (screams)
(croaking)
(thunder crashing)
GOD: Noah, thou shalt buildst thyself an ark
measuring 300 cubits in length.
300 cubits... give or take...
-(thunder crashing) -GOD: Exactly 300!
And thou shalt takest two of every creature.
Two creatures...
GOD: Two of every creature!
Even stink beetles?
Especially stink beetles.
Whoa, cool.
God is so in your face.
Yeah. He's my favorite fictional character.
Ooh, it's so late.
You kids have to go to bed.
But the flood's only knee-high.
At least let us watch till the midgets drown.
Yeah, Mom, come on.
You let us stay up to watch Troy McClure
in such other bible epics as David vs. Super Goliath
and Suddenly, Last Supper.
Go, Lise. Way to cite precedent.
(both chuckle)
Oh, all right.
You can stay up late tonight,
but tomorrow, everyone's going to bed at 5:00.
Woo-hoo!
(munching)
Aw. Those poor badgers are soaked.
Quiet. God looks like he has something important to say.
GOD: Go forth, Noah,
and remember, the key to salvation is...
You've seen the movie.
Now meet a real-life Noah--
Only this Noah has been accused of killing two of every animal.
Coming up next on A.M. Springfield.
-(show theme music playing) -(gasps)
Oh, my goodness.
That was a long movie. It's time for school.
Let's go. Let's go.
Uh, can't make it in today, Mr. Smithers.
I have smallpox.
Well, it wasn't wiped out in my house!
Okay, delegates, you leave tomorrow
for the statewide Model U.N.
So this is our last chance to bone up.
And bone we will.
(children laughing)
Lighten up, Lise.
Finland, let's see that native dance.
(humming)
Smile more.
Work that pelvis.
Nah, too much smile.
Sit down.
Poland, tell us about your nation's achievements.
Well, uh... I heard they sent a rocket
to the sun once, at night,
and there was that submarine with the screen doors...
No, no, no, no, no.
Young man, you need to do some serious boning.
(giggling)
Oh, grow up, Lise.
Okay, Libya. Exports.
Yes, sir, you American pig.
(chuckling) Nice touch.
(clearing throat) Let's see, uh...
The exports of Libya are numerous in amount.
One thing they export is corn.
Or as the Indians call it, maize.
Another famous Indian was Crazy Horse.
In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrasts.
Thank you.
(nasal voice) Ow! I can't breathe!
Please stop him!
Oh, I'd like to, but I'm afraid he has diplomatic immunity.
Point of order.
If we want to learn anything, we must respect...
Point of odor. Lisa stinks.
-(all laughing) -Hey, leave her alone.
You leave her alone.
(all shouting angrily)
♪ O Canada... ♪
Order! Order!
Do you kids want to be like the real U.N.
or do you just want to squabble and waste time?
Have a great weekend, kids.
Be nice to the underprivileged countries.
Good luck, Ralphie.
If your nose starts bleeding,
It means you're picking it too much...
or not enough.
Okay, kids, Otto's in charge.
Remember, Otto, we're trusting you
with our greatest natural resource--
the school bus.
"Water bill, third notice."
"Jury duty, third notice."
"Mortgage bill..."
Ooh, "second notice."
"Flancrest Enterprises"?
Oops. That's for me.
Flancrest Enterprises is my home business.
You liar.
You don't have a home business.
Why would you make up a lie like that?
No, it's true.
Maude and I sell religious hook rugs
over the Internet.
Internet, eh?
Yes, indeedy.
Makin' some good scratch, too.
Scratch, eh?
-Yep. -Maude, eh?
(whistling tune)
Homer, what are you doing?
No time to answer that, Marge.
I'm setting up a home office for my new business enterprise.
What business enterprise?
Ever heard of a little thing called the Internet?
Internet, eh?
Oh, yeah.
Everybody's making money off the Internet except us.
We've fallen behind.
Way behind.
Is that my good butter?
Can't discuss that now, Marge.
I have to write another delicious memo.
Mmm... Memo.
CHILDREN: ♪ 63 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
♪ 63 bottles of beer... ♪
Oh, this song is driving me crazy.
(tape rewinding)
CHILDREN: ♪ B-I-N-G-O ♪
♪ And Bingo was his name-o... ♪
Man, I don't know why I bought this stupid tape.
Ugh.
Hey, Simpson, race ya.
First one to the front of the bus
-gets Martin's lunch money. -What?
Go apple.
Go orange.
Go banana.
(all yelling)
Make way for grapefruit.
Go... Grapefruit!
(gasps) What the...
It burns! I can't see!
(kids screaming)
Stay calm, kids.
I need you to be my eyes.
Okay, which way should I turn?
(all screaming)
(continue screaming)
I can't breathe!
I can't swim!
Go, banana!
Just hang tight, kids.
I'll swim for help.
(grunts)
What the-
(groans)
Zeppelin rules!
(children groaning)
(gasping)
I guess this is the end, Wendell.
He's Wendell. I'm Lewis.
Whatever. Just tell Wendell I said bye.
(all screaming)
Somebody help me!
I think I'm getting swimmer's ear!
(gasping)
(backup beeping sounds)
(coughing and gagging)
(crying and moaning)
This is all Lisa's fault.
She started the stupid U.N. Club!
Hey, Martin seconded the motion.
It's entirely his fault.
People, people...
Let's not blame each other.
We all know this is Milhouse's fault.
-(gasps) -Yeah!
You and your stupid grapefruit almost got us killed!
(all shouting)
(low trumpeting)
What's everyone's problem?
I'm glad we're stranded.
It'll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson,
only with more cursing.
We're going to live like kings.
Damn hell ass kings!
(calypso playing)
Yahoo!
(monkey chattering)
...And every night, the monkey butlers
will regale us with jungle stories.
How many monkey butlers will there be?
One at first, but he'll train others.
ALL: Cool! Yeah!
(conversations overlapping)
Good. Let's get to work.
Me and Nelson will build the tree house.
Martin, draw up plans for a coconut radio,
and, if possible, a coconut Nintendo system.
What about the rest of us?
You guys gather food for the big feast tonight
and maybe a little wine for the older kids.
Delicious wine?
Exactly.
Oh, what am I gonna call my Internet company?
All the good names are taken.
Oh, wait-- I've got it.
Flancrest Enterprises.
D'oh!
What exactly is it your company does again?
This industry moves so fast, it's really hard to tell.
That's why I need a name that's cutting edge
like Cutco... Or Edgecom...
Interslice...
Come on, Marge, you're good at these. Help me out.
How about... CompuGlobal HyperMeganet?
Fine. It's not important.
What really matters is my title.
I think I'll make myself vice president.
No, wait.
Junior vice president.
(phone rings)
CompuGlobal HyperMeganet.
Junior vice president Homer Simpson speaking.
How may I direct your call?
It's Patty.
(conch blowing)
Food patrol, we're all starved.
Let's see what you've got.
That's it?
What happened to all the lobsters, mangoes,
and chewy, chewy cocoa beans?
All we found were these oozing berries...
and they look pretty poisonous.
I eated the purpleberries.
(groaning)
How are they, Ralph?
Good?
They taste like... burning.
Okay, food patrol blew it.
Yeah?
Well, your tree house looks kind of crummy, too.
Kind of really crummy.
BART: Well, when monsoon season comes,
you'll be glad it's there.
Oh...
No food, no shelter, no monkey butlers.
This island is a death hole.
We should've just swum for it, like Otto.
(breathing heavily)
Well, I'm done for.
Whew.
At least I'll leave a beautiful corpse.
Whoa!
Ho! Thank the good dude, I'm saved.
And we can go back for the kids, too.
Hmm.
(speaking Chinese)
(in English) I think I'm going to like it on this boat.
MILHOUSE: Run for your lives!
Monster!
(all shrieking)
(panting)
There's no monster, you big scaredy.
(with singsong voice) Scaredy got scared.
Well, you'd be scared, too, if you saw a monster.
-Nuh-uh. -Uh-huh.
-Unlikely. -Likely.
LISA: Knock it off!
We gotta find a way to light a fire.
No problem. We can use Scaredy's glasses.
Hey...
Wh-what's he doing?
Wh-what's that sound?
There you go.
Good as new.
What's good as new?
Who's talking?
I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's.
-Oh, my gosh! -Oh, wow!
She really is hungry.
BOY: She's really hungry.
(low growling)
It's the monster!
(spritzing and inhaling)
No, it's not-- it's my tummy.
I mean stomach... Gut...
Crap factory.
Wait a minute.
We had a cooler full of snacks on the bus.
Hey, yeah!
And I think I know how I can get it.
Hey, I need that to live!
(gurgling scream)
(gurgling chuckle)
(gurgling groan)
Does anyone here like food?
(all cheering)
Stop!
We may have to live on this food for a long time,
so no more until tomorrow.
But I'm hungry now.
Yeah, me, too!
Yeah! Who put the duchess of dork in charge?
No one, but if we're gonna survive,
we need rules and order.
Let's not forget what we learned in the U.N. Club.
(humming Finnish folk tune)
Not now, Martin.
(seagulls chirping)
(smoke hissing)
Who wants rations?
ALL: Me, me!
I'm so hungry, I could puke.
(all gasp)
Where'd all the food go?
Morning. Is it time to eat?
Looks like you already did.
What are you talking about?
You ate our food!
Thanks a lot, Milhouse!
Now we're all gonna die because of you!
But I swear I didn't do it.
-(belches) -(sniffing)
Nacho cheese.
Get him!
You wouldn't dare hurt me.
You forget that I have... The glasses!
Yoink!
(nervous chuckle)
Well, now that you've got everything you need,
I'll just, you know, get out of your hair.
Not so fast, two eyes.
Come on, let's slice him open and get our food back.
Wait! We're not savages!
We live in a society of law.
Milhouse has the right to a fair trial.
(moaning and groaning)
Society blows.
(keyboard keys clacking)
Ooh, Captain Janeway.
Mmm. Lace-- the final brassiere.
Oh, hurry up. I'm a busy man.
(slurping)
Ugh.
This high-speed modem is intolerably slow.
-(beeping) -Hey, what the...
Huh, the "Internet King."
I wonder if he can provide faster nudity.
Welcome to the Internet, my friend.
How can I help you?
I'm interested in upgrading
my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection
to a 1.5 megabit fiber-optic T-1 line.
Will you be able to provide an I.P. router
that's compatible with my token-ring Ethernet
LAN configuration?
Can I have some money now?
Um, is this cage really necessary?
No talking in the cage.
Court is now in session.
All rise.
Ah-ha! Made you rise.
Your Honor, the defense calls
its first and only witness: Milhouse Van Houten.
(all gasp and murmur)
Milhouse, did you steal the food?
Nuh-uh. No way.
Could anyone else have taken it?
Well... I guess you could have.
Milhouse, I am defending you.
Oh, sorry.
I'm just saying it was either you or the monster.
Monster? (scoffs)
Oh, please.
I remind you, we are not here
to debate the existence of monsters.
ALL: Aw... Too bad.
The defense has just one more question.
Did any one of you actually see Milhouse eat the food?
I rest my case.
Prosecutor, your witness.
(grunts) You liar!
You did it, you lying jerk!
Take that! You did it!
Objection!
He's not asking any questions.
Hmm... I'm gonna allow this.
-(grunts) -Ow! Ow!
Ooh!
Prosecution rests.
After careful deliberation,
it's my opinion that Milhouse probably did eat the food.
But since there's no proof,
I must find him...
not guilty!
All right!
-(shocked murmurs) -Aw, man.
But he ate our food!
The law has spoken.
Aah, sucks to the law. (grunts)
(grunts)
Stop! Leave Milhouse alone!
Help me out here, Bart.
I don't know, Lise.
To be honest, that verdict made me pretty angry.
Bart's with us, law girl.
Step aside.
Hey, man, leave my sister alone.
Oh, so you're one of them.
(spits) So be it.
Kill the dorks!
Bash their butts!
Kick their shins!
(all chanting) Kill the dorks!
Bash their butts!
(chanting) Run away.
The hunt... is... on.
Ooh, they have the Internet on computers now.
Homer, Bill Gates is here.
Bill Gates?
Billionaire computer nerd Bill Gates?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Get out of sight, Marge!
I don't want this to look like a two-bit operation.
Hmm.
Mr. Simpson?
You don't look so rich.
Don't let the haircut fool you.
I'm exceedingly wealthy.
Get a load of the bowl job, Marge.
Your Internet ad was brought to my attention,
but I can't figure out what, if anything,
CompuGlobal HyperMeganet does.
So, rather than risk competing with you,
I've decided simply to buy you out.
This is it, Marge.
I poured my heart and soul into this business,
and now, it's finally paying off.
We're rich! Richer than astronauts!
Homer, quiet. You'll queer the deal.
Oh. Right.
I reluctantly accept your proposal.
Well, everyone always does.
Buy him out, boys.
Hey, what the hell's going on?
Oh, I didn't get rich by writing a lot of checks.
(fiendish laughter)
(war cry)
(meows)
(war cry drawing near)
(groans)
I can't go on.
You two go ahead.
And carry me with you.
-You got to be kidding. -Aw, come on, man.
Hurry! They're catching up!
(gasps)
Here, Milhouse, you go first.
(grunting)
Okay, now throw the vine back.
There's no time!
(grunts)
(war cry)
(grunting)
Look, we can hide in that cave.
(all panting)
LISA: We should be safe in here.
NELSON: They're trapped in the cave.
Move in for the kill!
Oh, figs.
(war cry)
Stop! You are in violation of the Model U.N. charter.
(all gasp)
Uh, that's right.
The U.N. doesn't look too kindly on...
The monster!
(snorting)
(all screaming)
Your monster appears to be nothing
but a run-of-the-mill wild boar.
Hey, look at his tusk!
So, the boar ate our food.
Oh. Sorry about that whole trying-to-kill-you thing.
Yeah, well, you should be.
I only stole two sandwiches and a bag of Doritos.
Hey, if a boar can survive here,
there must be a source of food.
Look, he's licking the slime off that rock!
That's what he's been eating-- slime!
And there's enough slime for all of us!
We're saved!
Mmm. Mmm.
All that slime made this boar extra tender.
More snout anyone?
Mmm. Mmm.
How's your dinner, Lise?
Ah, shut up.
(mutters) Savages.
NARRATOR: So, the children learned
to function as a society.
And, eventually, they were rescued by, oh...
let's say, Moe.
(theme music playing)
Shh!
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services