1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,339 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,095 (theme music playing) 3 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,019 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,150 (whistle blowing) 5 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,905 (beeping) 6 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,704 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,934 (honking horn) 8 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,021 (tires screeching) 9 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,107 D'oh! (screams) 10 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,275 (tires screeching) 11 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:26,628 {\an8}Now, whose calculator can tell me what seven times eight is? 12 00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,673 {\an8}Oh! Oh! Oh! Low battery? 13 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,759 {\an8}(groans) Whatever. 14 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:35,970 {\an8}Attention, children. 15 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,056 {\an8}Uh, over here. 16 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,893 {\an8}Oh, for the love of-- The doorway. 17 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:45,021 {\an8}-KIDS: Oh! -We have a very special visitor today. 18 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:48,733 {\an8}But he's no ordinary visitor. In fact, uh, you might say-- 19 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:52,529 {\an8}-He's a robot. We saw him on the way in. -Thank you, Bart. 20 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,447 {\an8}All right. Come in. They know. 21 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:59,077 {\an8}Kids, this is Robby the Automaton. 22 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,996 {\an8}Greetings, Earth children. 23 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,289 {\an8}Where are you from? 24 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,208 {\an8}Earth. 25 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,418 {\an8}Anyway, have you ever wondered 26 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:10,004 {\an8}what it feels like to touch a star? 27 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,803 {\an8}-(screams) -Cool! 28 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:20,515 {\an8}Or which of the Three Stooges had the heaviest brain? 29 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:25,019 {\an8}Hmm. Larry-- Three point two kilograms. 30 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,230 Fascinating! 31 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:28,273 {\an8}Ah. 32 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:31,067 {\an8}The answers to these and similar questions 33 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,821 {\an8}can be found at the Springfield Knowledgeum... 34 00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:36,406 {\an8}a hands-on learning environment... 35 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,867 opening this Saturday. 36 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,662 -No, kid! Don't! -(grunts) 37 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:46,416 {\an8}-(screams) -ROBBY: Command link severed. 38 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:51,171 {\an8}Default setting. Crush. Kill. Destroy. 39 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,548 {\an8}(gasping) D- Don't! 40 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:56,593 {\an8}Children, help! He's killing me! 41 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,636 (cheering) 42 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,641 What a whimsical building. 43 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,518 Who says science can't be fun? 44 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,770 Me. I smell a museum. 45 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,398 Yeah, good things don't end with "eum." 46 00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:13,818 They end with "mania" or "teria." 47 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,198 {\an8}Will there be beer? 48 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:21,034 (over speakers) Welcome to the Knowledgeum. I'm Troy McClure. 49 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:24,204 {\an8}You may remember me from such automated information kiosks 50 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:27,498 {\an8}as "Welcome to Springfield Airport" and "Where's Nordstrom?" 51 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,959 {\an8}While you're enjoying our Hall of Wonders... 52 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,046 your car will, unfortunately, be subject to repeated break-ins- 53 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:34,505 What'd he say? What about my car? 54 00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:37,508 ALL: Wow! 55 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:41,512 KIDS: (shouting) (grunting) 56 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,309 (shouting) 57 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:50,104 {\an8}It says the ceiling was donated by the Velcro company. 58 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,273 (gasping) 59 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,237 {\an8}And the floor was donated by American SuperBall. 60 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,572 Hey, I'm gonna go toss the Virtual Salad. 61 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,324 I want to read the Giant Book. 62 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:04,869 I'm gonna try the Sex Education Computer. (gasps) 63 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,120 Come on, Maggie. 64 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,331 Let's try and find the Enormous Pendulum. 65 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,417 Whoa! Wait there! 66 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:16,589 (clears throat) The section now illuminated is the floating point unit... 67 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,841 one of my personal favorite units. 68 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,469 -Oh, I see! -(exclaiming) 69 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:23,972 Oh. Well. (chuckles) 70 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:25,723 How do you get this thing to play blackjack? 71 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,016 Stop that. You're hurting it. 72 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,434 {\an8}-So how's it supposed to work? -Well-- 73 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,771 {\an8}-Boring! Am I on the Internet? -No, you can only access the-- 74 00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:34,274 {\an8}Boring! What's that fire for? 75 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:37,151 {\an8}The hard drive is crashing at an alarming speed! 76 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,569 {\an8}No more pictures! 77 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,534 (grunting) 78 00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,453 Ovulate, damn you. Ovulate! 79 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,872 (woman's voice) You are out of sperm. 80 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,166 (whimpers) 81 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,919 Hey, baby. Remember me? 82 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:03,219 Whoa! This whole planet is like one big skate park! 83 00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:13,855 {\an8}Look out, Ralph! (screams) (grunts) 84 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,400 I found a moon rock in my nose. 85 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:20,194 (imitates static) Houston, we have a booger. 86 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:23,781 Hey, loser, this planet's for space studs. 87 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,783 Yeah, blast off. 88 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,161 I know you. My daddy took your beer. 89 00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:30,747 Whoa! The baby can talk. 90 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,623 I am not a baby. 91 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,336 -Tell it to The Ear, baby. -(muffled talking) 92 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:38,629 (chuckling) Good one, guys. 93 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:43,176 {\an8}-Simpson, go kiss the Virtual Ass. -Yes, sir. 94 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:45,720 (whimpers, grunts) 95 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:49,307 -You poor little boy! -Ah, no. He'll be fine. 96 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:52,560 He's always gettin' himself stuffed into this or that. 97 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:56,147 (yipping, roaring) 98 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:02,737 -Is that normal? -Yeah, he's just playing Wiggle Puppy. 99 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:06,282 That's a dog he made up who flies by waggin' his tail. 100 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:10,036 I tell you, that dog has had some amazing adventures. 101 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:14,374 Well, Ralph certainly has a lot of imagination. 102 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,125 Ah, yeah, the kid's incredible. 103 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,045 I mean, the special schools are all over him. 104 00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:22,298 Maybe he needs some real friends. 105 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,134 Sure, we'd all love some real friends, Marge... 106 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,011 but what are the odds of that happening? 107 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,722 -(panting) -Hello, Ralph. 108 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,767 When I was little, I used to play by myself too. 109 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:35,853 Your hair is tall and pretty. 110 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:40,108 Well, thank you, Ralph. You're such a fine, young gentleman. 111 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:43,361 Help! She's touching my special area! 112 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,613 Then me and my friend were about to press it, 113 00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:47,240 but the man said not to press it. 114 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:50,701 But we pressed it anyway! And we ran and we hid in the Giant Tire. 115 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,870 Oh, yeah. And my other friend was already there. 116 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:55,873 All right. All right now. You're overstimulated. 117 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,043 Let's get some beer in you, and then it's right to bed. 118 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,337 Whoo-hoo! Beer, beer, beer! Bed, bed, bed! 119 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:07,969 Firecrackers, stink bombs, maps to teachers' homes. 120 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,556 -You know who's nice? -No. Who? 121 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:13,307 That Ralph Wiggum boy. 122 00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,601 {\an8}-He's a real winner. -You would know. 123 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,062 Bart, you don't have to go anywhere today. 124 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,106 I've got a surprise for you. 125 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:22,316 {\an8}-What? -I scheduled a playdate. 126 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,317 (doorbell rings) 127 00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,695 A what? With who? 128 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:29,949 -(gasps) -Hi, Bart. We're gonna be friends. 129 00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,325 I have a finger trap. 130 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,705 {\an8}Whoa. Get him off. Get him off! 131 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,124 {\an8}Fighting only makes it tighter. 132 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,044 (grunting) 133 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,046 {\an8}You want me to hang out with Ralph Wiggum? 134 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:47,216 {\an8}-Not hang out. Playdate! -Stop saying that! 135 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,011 Now, why don't you show off your new friend around the neighborhood? 136 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,763 You two make an adorable pair. 137 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:55,224 {\an8}Someone will be right with you. 138 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,810 {\an8}Mom, school has changed a lot since you were a kid. 139 00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,979 {\an8}Popularity is very important now. 140 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,647 -But-- -Don't talk. Listen. 141 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,609 {\an8}The social order of elementary school is densely layered. 142 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,235 {\an8}The coolest kids are at the top-- 143 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,154 Oh, you mean like the "A" students? 144 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,282 {\an8}Mom, I don't want to play with Ralph. 145 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:15,495 He's just a misunderstood little boy who needs a friend. 146 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:18,372 And if he hangs around with you... 147 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,583 well, everyone will think he's cool. 148 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:23,127 {\an8}Well, I don't know about that. 149 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,379 {\an8}-Might help him a little. -OK! Great! 150 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:29,091 -You kids have fun. -Hey, wait! I didn't agree to- 151 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,843 (humming) 152 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,887 -(humming continues) -Mom, I am not-- 153 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:36,057 MARGE: I can't hear you! (humming) 154 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:38,851 (electronic whirring) 155 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,649 Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky. 156 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:47,193 Ralph, I just got through sorting those. 157 00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:50,279 I dropped my "Popsticle" in your toy chest. 158 00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:56,244 -Ralph, would you just-- -Look! A rocket ship! 159 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,329 That's not a toy! 160 00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:02,333 Hey! Do you know how to play hide-and-seek? 161 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:05,545 (gasps) 162 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,463 Shh! I been here two hours, 163 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,799 and Bart still hasn't finded me. 164 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,010 {\an8}These syrup stains are the worst. 165 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:16,097 {\an8}Bart, it's too nice a day to leave Ralph in a closet. 166 00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,140 {\an8}You boys should go play outside. 167 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,977 {\an8}But people will see me paired up with a doofus. 168 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,104 You have no idea what that's like. 169 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,234 {\an8}-Uh-oh. -I'm going. 170 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:33,614 Slow down, Bart. My legs don't know how to be as long as yours. 171 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,157 Well, that is your problem, Ralph. 172 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,034 This is how I always walk. 173 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:39,412 KIDS: (shouting) All right! 174 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,789 {\an8}-Whoa! -Check this out! 175 00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,791 {\an8}-Yeah! -All right! 176 00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:48,254 Videotaping this crime spree is the best idea we ever had! 177 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,256 -Quick, Ralph. In the bushes. -(grunts) 178 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,049 Whoo! 179 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,927 -Hi, guys. Hot enough for you? -Shut up. 180 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,179 {\an8}(shouting) 181 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,432 (sighs) That was too close. 182 00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:01,100 We gotta stay off the streets. 183 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:03,769 Bushes are nice 'cause they don't have prickers. 184 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,856 Unless they do. This one did. Ouch. 185 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:10,109 This is my swing set. This is my sandbox. 186 00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:12,820 I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. 187 00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:14,739 That's where I saw the leprechaun. 188 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,199 Right. A leprechaun. 189 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,119 He told me to burn things. 190 00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,121 Uh-huh. 191 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:27,627 -Wanna play stuffed animal parade? -Maybe later. 192 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,754 Come on, Ralph. Your dad's a cop. 193 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,339 There must be some cool stuff around here- 194 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,591 bullets, dead body photos, what have you. 195 00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:35,718 He keeps that stuff in his closet, 196 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,803 but he says I'm not allowed in there. 197 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:41,641 -Did he say I'm not allowed in there? -Yes. 198 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,684 Well, I'm goin' in anyway. 199 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,771 (grunts) 200 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:53,027 Oh, Lord, I thank you for this bounty I'm about to receive. 201 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,570 Hmm. 202 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,366 (shuddering) Huh! 203 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:03,496 Wow! Dad's been in jail six times! 204 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:06,207 Aw, Mom's only been in twice. 205 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:09,835 -(door opens) -Hello! Sarah! Ralphie! 206 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:13,589 -It's me, Chief Wiggum! -Oh. We better hide. 207 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,342 -(grunting) -(gasping) 208 00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,718 Quick! In here! 209 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:23,307 (sighs) Oh! Man, we have got to get an escalator. 210 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:28,396 (gasps) A 341 in my own bedroom. 211 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:30,981 All right, crookie. Let's dance. 212 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,819 (grunts) Oh! God, my back! 213 00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:38,447 Oh! Officer down! Officer down! 214 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,574 -(grunting) -Hi, Daddy. 215 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,994 Oh, oh. It's just you. Well, help Daddy up. 216 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:46,038 (grunts) 217 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,374 You know you're not supposed to go in there. 218 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:52,294 What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery? 219 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:55,297 {\an8}Sorry, Chief. Um, we were just playing. 220 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,258 Ralphie, you got a friend? 221 00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,636 Hey, that's fantastic! 222 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,887 Here, here. Have some riot gear. 223 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,724 It's on the house. 224 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,309 (both grunting) 225 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,311 (laughing) 226 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,648 Ah, that takes me back to the '60s. 227 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,319 What's that weird key for? 228 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,321 That's Daddy's magic key. 229 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,490 It opens every door in town. 230 00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,536 {\an8}The police master key? 231 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:27,413 {\an8}Oh, Ralph. 232 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,583 {\an8}Do you realize what we can do with-- 233 00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:34,211 {\an8}(smacking, gulping) Get me a towel. 234 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:40,426 "Hi. This is Jerry Maguire. Show me the message. 235 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,636 Show me the message!" 236 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,723 No, that stinks. Let me try one. 237 00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:49,226 "This is Geraldine, and the devil made me miss your call... 238 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,270 so here come the beep. 239 00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:54,023 Here come the beep!" (chuckling) 240 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:56,984 "Do the message!" (humming) 241 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,570 {\an8}So long. I'm gonna sleep over at Ralph's. 242 00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:02,698 Oh! See, I knew you'd find something you liked about him. 243 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,034 Oh, I found something, all right. 244 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:06,243 (moans) 245 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:09,955 (humming continues) 246 00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:12,917 -After the beep. -(beeps) 247 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,048 Uh, Ralph's a little afraid of the dark, Bart. 248 00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,884 -Is it OK to sleep with a night-light? -Absolutely. 249 00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:24,512 Good night, guys. 250 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,972 -I'm scared. -Ow! 251 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,812 MAN (on TV): We now return to 252 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,980 The Return of the Pink Panther Returns... 253 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,441 starring Ken Wahl as Inspector Clouseau. 254 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,322 (snores) Ow. 255 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:46,575 -Ow. -RALPH: (whimpers) 256 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,912 (snoring) 257 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,081 Ooh. 258 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,167 Son of a-- (snoring) 259 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,225 The world is our toy store. 260 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,602 Toy store, toy store, toy store! Whee! 261 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,312 Oh, to be eight again. 262 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:19,066 Whee! 263 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,244 -Whoa! Whoa! -Whee! Whee! 264 00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:33,372 (laughing) Whoa! (both grunt) 265 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:38,627 Ah, I can't believe we ate a whole wedding cake. 266 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,005 And an entire pan of funeral fudge. 267 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:43,674 (gasps) 268 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,553 Check it out, guys. It's dork and dorker. 269 00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:50,931 What you doin' there, Simpson, babysittin'? 270 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,850 We're on a playdate. 271 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,394 -(laughing) -Isn't that adorable? 272 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,771 Ah, the girls are on a playdate! 273 00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:00,858 Uh, I'll take it from here, Ralph. 274 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:03,903 Um, we're just hangin', chillin', little bit of illin'. 275 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,821 I don't get you, Simpson. 276 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,740 Sometimes you seem kind of righteous, 277 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:10,618 but then we see you fraternizing with lameoids. 278 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,786 Which makes you a lame wad! 279 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:16,874 Oh, yeah? Would a lame wad have the police master key? 280 00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:20,377 -Whoa! Useful, dude! -Very handy! 281 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:23,923 {\an8}Hey, maybe you are cool enough to hang out with us. 282 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,175 {\an8}Really? You think so? 283 00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:29,511 {\an8}I don't know what to say. This is all happening so fast. 284 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,430 Let's use this thing to rob the school. 285 00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:33,891 Let's go to the zoo and tease the dingo. 286 00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:36,185 Let's use it to key some cars. 287 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,729 {\an8}Those are all moderately cool ideas... 288 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:41,273 {\an8}but if you really want to walk on the wild side... 289 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,275 I know just the place. 290 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,822 Here she is, the big house. 291 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:52,576 The stony lonesome. The thug jug. The mobster trap. 292 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,120 -Penn State. The old crook-- -Shut up! 293 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,997 Let's just open the gate. 294 00:15:57,081 --> 00:16:01,627 {\an8}-(dog howling) -I'm scared, Bart. I wanna go home. 295 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:04,421 Come on, Ralph. Don't embarrass me. 296 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,507 It's just an abandoned prison. 297 00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:08,592 All the murderers are long dead. 298 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:11,637 And I'm sure their ghosts are probably in hell. 299 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,265 -(whimpering) -Let's go, Simpson! Ditch the baby. 300 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,643 (whimpers, gasps) 301 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,520 (sniffling) 302 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:28,404 -My key! -Sorry, Ralph. 303 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,572 I thought we were friends. 304 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:34,326 (laughing) Wait. I missed that. Get him to say it again. 305 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,333 Go on home, Ralph. 306 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:46,255 (sobs) I can't, without Daddy's key! (gasps) 307 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,426 {\an8}I can't bail on a friend, even if it is Ralph. 308 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,637 -Ah, you wuss. -Hey! Give it back! 309 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:57,808 -(grunts) -Hey! Keep away! 310 00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:02,438 Hey, come on! I thought we were friends. 311 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:06,442 Yeah, well, I hope the irony's not lost on you, Simpson. 312 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,235 (grunts, groans) 313 00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:10,612 (grunts) 314 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,573 (laughing) 315 00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,742 This sucks. Let's do somethin' else. 316 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:17,578 I know. Let's go pick some huckleberries! 317 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,913 -Yeah! -Huckleberries! All right! 318 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:22,332 Daddy's key went in there. 319 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,295 {\an8}Hey, Ralph, you're braver than you thought. 320 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,714 {\an8}-(owl hooting) -Wait for me! 321 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:35,721 (gasps) 322 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,559 Wow! Look at all these toilets. 323 00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:44,188 And just inches from your bed. Talk about luxury. 324 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,981 There's the key! 325 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,735 {\an8}-(squeaking) -(gasps) 326 00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,987 The pointy kitty took it! 327 00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,329 Oh. 328 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:01,663 Danger, eh? 329 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,875 (key turning in lock) 330 00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:06,960 -(door creaking) -(both gasping) 331 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,007 Whoa, mama! The electric chair! 332 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:16,011 (sniffs) Smell that, Ralph? That's the smell of justice. 333 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,596 Smells like hot dogs. 334 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,765 Hmm. Maybe it still works. 335 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,558 Give me the newlyweds from that cake. 336 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:24,061 Stand back. 337 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,899 (grunting, sighs) What a gyp. 338 00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:31,401 Maybe our key fits in here. 339 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,988 (crackling) 340 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:38,492 (sinister chuckling) Till death do you part. 341 00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:44,414 -MAN: Somebody down there? -(gasps) Uh-oh. Let's get outta here. 342 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,918 (panting) 343 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:50,796 Why do I always shout first? 344 00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:53,215 Just gives them a chance to run away. 345 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,217 Well, I'm an idiot. 346 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:01,265 {\an8}-Got any threes? -Go fish. 347 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,767 {\an8}Oh! See, here's the problem, Ralph. 348 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,104 {\an8}-You have several threes. -Go fish! 349 00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,439 {\an8}Why don't we watch cartoons? 350 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:12,317 The Justice League is moving into their new building today. 351 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:15,863 Kent Brockman reporting live from Mayor Quimby's press conference... 352 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,990 at the abandoned penitentiary. 353 00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:18,991 Huh? 354 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:21,160 I have ordered the reopening of this prison 355 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:24,204 to send a message to the criminals of Springfield. 356 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,999 If you commit a violent crime in my town... 357 00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:28,792 you are going to end up here. 358 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,795 Hey, that's our play chair! 359 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,839 To demonstrate what you're in for... 360 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:37,176 I will now strap myself into this electric chair 361 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:40,220 which was deactivated over 30 years ago, 362 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:43,432 and, I can only assume, still is. 363 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:46,768 Uh-oh. We didn't reset the safety switch. 364 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,520 He's gonna smell like hot dogs. 365 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,439 {\an8}(beeps) 366 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,608 {\an8}Operator, get me Morningwood Penitentiary. 367 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,152 {\an8}-It's an emergency. -(busy tone) 368 00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,320 {\an8}(groans) 369 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:59,281 Now, Martha, we've been over this and over this. 370 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,658 We're too old to start having children. 371 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:02,993 If you're looking for something to do, 372 00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,245 why don't you start a new twine ball? 373 00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,289 Come on. A man's life is at stake. 374 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,958 We need to get a message to the prison. 375 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,752 Think. Think! 376 00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,795 Lisa's a good thinker. 377 00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,966 {\an8}That's it. Ralph, you're a genius! 378 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,386 Now, as I mime the convulsions of a condemned criminal, 379 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:24,806 I remind my staff not to come to my assistance 380 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:28,602 no matter how realistic my performance may be. 381 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,856 BART: They're getting ready to throw the switch! 382 00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:35,067 Come on, Lisa. Hurry! 383 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:37,819 Let's just pray this hits the prison. 384 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,489 (whistling) 385 00:20:41,823 --> 00:20:44,409 -(gasps) Huh? -(gasps) 386 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,162 Smithers, there's a rocket in my pocket. 387 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,538 You don't have to tell me, sir. 388 00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:52,918 (grunting) Turn off the chair. 389 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,128 -Turn off the chair. -(all gasping) 390 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:01,385 "Electric chair is on," eh? 391 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:06,473 {\an8}Then the old prison has been getting free electricity for 30 years. 392 00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:08,475 I'll put a stop to that. 393 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:15,399 (grunting) (groaning) 394 00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:19,403 -Yea! Yeah. -Wow! That was really entertaining. 395 00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:21,488 -How did you make that smoke? -(groans) 396 00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:24,116 -Yeah! All right! Whoo! -All right! 397 00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:26,451 -Way to go, Ralph! -Ralph? 398 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:29,037 But the rocket was my idea. 399 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:32,332 -But asking you was Ralph's idea. -You're the man, Ralph! 400 00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:34,793 But surely I deserve some credit for-- 401 00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:36,670 BART AND HOMER: Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! 402 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:40,173 {\an8}Ah, let him have this one, Lise. After all, it's Ralph. 403 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:42,884 Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! 404 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,429 Ah, you've done grand, laddie. 405 00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:47,556 {\an8}Now you know what you have to do- 406 00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:49,308 {\an8}burn the house down! 407 00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:51,018 {\an8}Burn 'em all! 408 00:21:57,107 --> 00:21:58,942 (theme music playing) 409 00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:39,191 Shh! 410 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,779 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services