1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,169 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:06,756 {\an8}CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 3 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,760 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,762 (tires screeching) 5 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,473 D'oh! 6 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:16,474 (screams) 7 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,927 {\an8}Homer Simpson! You stand accused 8 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:56,014 {\an8}of eating half the population of the Planet of the Doughnuts. 9 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,224 {\an8}DOUGHNUTS: Yeah! 10 00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,809 {\an8}(clamoring) 11 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:03,021 {\an8}As Homer's defense attorney, I feel we should be merci-- 12 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:04,981 {\an8}-(chomping) -Hey! 13 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,568 {\an8}-Did you just take a bite out of me? -Um, maybe. 14 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,737 {\an8}I sentence you to death! 15 00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:18,620 (growling) Um! Homer! 16 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,581 -(swallowing, chewing) -(snoring) 17 00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:23,583 -LARRY: Homer! Wake up! -(grunting) 18 00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:24,918 {\an8}It's time for our coffee break. 19 00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:27,754 {\an8}Hmm? Yeah. I earned it. 20 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:32,008 Mm, doughnuts. (slobbering) 21 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,010 {\an8}Wow, there's only one doughnut left. 22 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,346 {\an8}Yeah, ya drooled all over it, ya- 23 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,348 {\an8}Gentlemen, there's only one solution. 24 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,809 {\an8}We place this last doughnut in the reactor core 25 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:43,770 {\an8}exposing it to radiation, thereby making it big! 26 00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,355 {\an8}Yeah, it worked on my hand! 27 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,066 {\an8}Oh, wait. It's this hand. Whoa! 28 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:52,654 {\an8}(humming, throbbing) 29 00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:01,830 {\an8}Uh, sir, we found the problem. Some idiot threw this in the reactor core. 30 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,915 {\an8}-Success! -You did this? 31 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,585 {\an8}-How could you be so irresponsible? -l-It's my first day. 32 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:10,004 {\an8}Since I've never seen you before, maybe it is your first day. 33 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:13,007 {\an8}-Very well. Carry on. -Uh, sir, that's Homer Simpson. 34 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,968 {\an8}And he's been working here for 10 years. 35 00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:18,847 {\an8}Oh, really! Why did you think you could lie to me? 36 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:21,432 {\an8}-It's my first day. -(chuckling) Well, why didn't you sa-- 37 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,518 {\an8}Oh, whoo! You're fired! 38 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,730 Oh, fired. I can't believe it. 39 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,025 -(TV clicks on) -MAN: Next, on Exploitation Theater-- 40 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:34,028 Blacula, followed by Blackenstein... 41 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,447 and the Blunchblack of Blotre Blame. 42 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:39,701 -Whoo! Funky. -But first, this word. 43 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:42,036 MALE NARRATOR: Daybreak-- Djakarta. 44 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,623 The proud men and women of the navy are fighting for freedom. 45 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:49,043 But you're in Lubbock, Texas, hosing the stains off a monument. 46 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:53,214 You're in the Naval Reserve, America's 17th line of defense... 47 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:56,718 between the Mississippi National Guard and the League of Women Voters. 48 00:02:56,801 --> 00:03:00,555 {\an8}After basic training, you'll only have to work one weekend a month. 49 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,391 {\an8}And most of that time, you're drunk off your ass. 50 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:06,436 {\an8}You know, Lisa, I've taken a lot from this country. 51 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,813 {\an8}Maybe it's time I gave something back. 52 00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:11,024 {\an8}Are you thinking of joining the Naval Reserve? 53 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:13,443 {\an8}-Would you be proud of me? -Yeah, sort of. 54 00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,236 Then I'll do it! 55 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:20,408 {\an8}Just fill out this form, and you're on your way to the Reserve. 56 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,493 There's a question that's crossed out. 57 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,746 {\an8}Well, due to a recent Presidential order... 58 00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:27,081 {\an8}we're not allowed to ask that particular question. 59 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,959 Oh, I think I can make it out. "Are you a homosex--" 60 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,670 Oh, for God's sake, don't answer that. I could go to jail. 61 00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:35,173 -But I'm not a ho-- -(singsong) 62 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:38,426 (continues singsong) I am not listening! 63 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:41,054 Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay. 64 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:45,433 Homey, I really don't think this navy thing is a good idea. 65 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:48,603 -What if you get called into combat? -Not to worry, honey. 66 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,439 We live in a highly technological age where fighting a war 67 00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:53,816 is as simple as turning off a light. 68 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,486 (clapping) 69 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,112 We don't have a Clapper. 70 00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,574 (speaking loud) Sorry, I can't hear you, Marge. I'm clapping. 71 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,329 (clapping continues) 72 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,831 HOMER: Nighty-night. 73 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,794 Well, guys, I won't be seeing ya for a while. 74 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,838 -Where are you goin'? -I've joined the Naval Reserve. 75 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,967 Well, I'm not gonna let anything happen to my best friend. 76 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:20,969 I'm joining too! 77 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:24,639 Well, I'm not gonna let anything happen to my two best customers. 78 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,266 I'm joining too! 79 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:30,478 And although my religion strictly forbids military service-- 80 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,814 What the hey! I'm in too! 81 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:38,861 Gee, thanks, guys. This is just like The Deer Hunter. 82 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,990 The Deer Hunter? Uh, huh-That reminds me. 83 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,992 (rapid footsteps) 84 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,622 (speaking in native language) 85 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:53,001 I'm sorry, guys. We're shutting down for a while. Sorry. 86 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,755 {\an8}-See you in a week! -Good luck, Dad. 87 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,174 {\an8}Although I'm morally opposed to the military-industrial complex 88 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,218 {\an8}of which you are now a part. 89 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,054 {\an8}Aw, that's sweet, honey. I'll bring you back a hat. 90 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:07,181 {\an8}Hey, Homer. Bring me back a torpedo. 91 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,101 {\an8}-No! -But Flanders got his kids torpedoes! 92 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,395 Oh, he did, did he? I'll show him! 93 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:15,940 I'll bring you a weapon of unimaginable destructive power! 94 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,942 -Homer! -But only if you're good. 95 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,027 Even if you're not. 96 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,281 (kissing sound) 97 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,368 (band playing) 98 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,914 All right, you thumb-sucking worms... 99 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,126 let's get one thing straight, your mamas ain't here to help you. 100 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,961 -Mine is! -(belches) 101 00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:39,672 (razors buzzing) 102 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,924 No way, man. My hair is who I am! 103 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,888 Ow, I'm a freak! 104 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,687 -What the-- -(suggestive moaning) 105 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:01,778 Tuck in that shirt. Shine those shoes, mister. 106 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:05,823 -Oh, for the love of-- -Uh, a seagull took my sailor hat. 107 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:12,246 All right, Simpson. I don't like you, and you don't like me. 108 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,624 -I like you. -Um, all right. 109 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,834 You like me, but I don't like you. 110 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:18,795 {\an8}Maybe you would like me if you got to know me. 111 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,004 {\an8}What are you, a comedian? 112 00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:22,006 (chuckles) Well, I'm no Margaret Cho 113 00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:24,550 but I do a pretty fair Columbo impression. 114 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,553 (imitating Peter Falk as Columbo) Uh, one more thi-- 115 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,555 (coughs) one-- (clears throat) 116 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,140 (as himself) I should get a glass of water. 117 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,392 (growls) 118 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,317 There. The perfect sheepshank. 119 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:44,779 Very nice, Simpson. But next time, tie the other end to the ship! 120 00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:50,910 {\an8}-(people screaming) -No! 121 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:54,205 (Quick March playing) 122 00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:58,751 Congratulations, sailors. You're all in the Naval Reserve. 123 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,586 ALL: Yea! 124 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:04,132 (speaking With French accent) Congratulations! You are all pastry chefs! 125 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,843 -Yea! -(with German accent) Congratulations. 126 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:10,430 You are all World War I historical re-creationists. 127 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,765 {\an8}-GRADUATES: Yea! -MEN ON PODIUM: Uh-oh. 128 00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:17,854 {\an8}Hey, Bart. Check out my new earring. 129 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,189 {\an8}Pretty cool, huh? 130 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,316 Milhouse, my mom wears earrings. 131 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,735 -Do you think she's cool? -No! 132 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:29,157 I think she's hot! Sorry. It just slipped out. 133 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:33,077 (chattering, chattering stops) 134 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:36,998 Hey, look! Milhouse has an earring! 135 00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:40,334 (chanting) Milhouse! Milhouse! Milhouse! 136 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,378 Hey, if you want cool, check this out. 137 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,547 ♪ Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman ♪ 138 00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,340 ♪ Shake your body turn it out if you can, can ♪ 139 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:47,425 ♪ Do the Bartman ♪ 140 00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:48,509 ♪ Yeah! ♪ 141 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:52,263 That is so 1991. 142 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,184 Young man, the school dress code... 143 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,686 specifically forbids the wearing of earrings... 144 00:07:58,769 --> 00:08:01,105 unless you're of Gypsy extraction. 145 00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:04,650 {\an8}-Well, I'm a Gypsy. -(chuckles) Oh, really? Prove it. 146 00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:08,696 {\an8}Well-- (imitating Dracula) "I 'vant' to suck your blood!" 147 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:12,408 Nuh-uh. That's a vampire. But, uh, they're also covered. 148 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,367 Carry on. 149 00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,378 Request permission to come aboard. 150 00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:28,508 Permission granted. (giggles) 151 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:32,053 -(imitating bugle call) Marge! -Whoa! 152 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,559 I lost this eye in Haiti. I was drinking a mai tai... 153 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,728 and I forgot to take the little parasol out. 154 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:44,774 Ah, that's not a war story! I'll tell ya a war story! 155 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:48,444 I was on P.T. 109 with John F. Kennedy. 156 00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:52,490 {\an8}I was the first to discover his terrible secret. 157 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,494 (in German) 158 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,663 (In English) He's a Nazi! Get 'im! 159 00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,292 (orchestra playing) 160 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,215 And another thing, 161 00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:12,218 when people come up to me and say,"Hey, little buddy." 162 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,763 And hit me over the head with a hat? That's not funny. That hurts! 163 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:18,349 (laughing) 164 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:21,185 -Stop laughing at me! -You know, Marge? 165 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,938 Joining the Reserves was the best thing I ever did. 166 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,774 I feel good about myself, I'm helping my country... 167 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,026 and later, I'm gonna get Gilligan's autograph. 168 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,861 I'm so proud of you, Homie. 169 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:34,156 Then I'll whomp him with my hat! (laughing) 170 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,803 -Can I help you? -I'd like to get my ear pierced. 171 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,680 Well, better make it quick, kiddo. 172 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,766 In five minutes, this place is becoming a Starbucks. 173 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:09,734 {\an8}Hello, everybody! Sparkle, sparkle. 174 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,194 {\an8}-Bart! -An earring. How rebellious. 175 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,447 {\an8}In a conformist sort of way. 176 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,657 What on earth possessed you to get an earring? 177 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,785 -Milhouse has one. -If Milhouse jumped off a cliff-- 178 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,787 Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there. 179 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,790 Get back here, boy. You're a disgrace to this family 180 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,835 -and its proud Naval tradition. -Well, I'm keeping this earring 181 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:29,837 and you can't stop me! 182 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:33,841 {\an8}Oh. I always thought Lisa would be the one to get her ears pierced. 183 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,468 {\an8}-Can I? -No! 184 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:39,180 Time to reap the benefits of being cool. 185 00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:41,515 -(gasps) -(chattering) 186 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,393 I don't believe this. Everyone's got an earring. 187 00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:48,606 My neck hurts, and my ear hurts. 188 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,858 I have two owies. 189 00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,820 Next weekend, we're having our annual war games. 190 00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:58,324 Now, Simpson, because of your many years as a nuclear technician... 191 00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:01,827 -we're putting you on a nuclear sub. -"Nuc-u-lar"! 192 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,330 It's pronounced, "nuc-u-lar." 193 00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:07,249 -Oh, whatever. -"Nuc-u-lar." 194 00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:12,171 (chattering) 195 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:16,175 -Be careful, Dad. -Oh, Lisa. It's just war games. 196 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,552 It's not like a game could hurt me. 197 00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:22,723 Damn you, "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots." 198 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,767 Can't we all just get along? 199 00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,769 Are you sure you'll be OK? 200 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,730 We have orders not to fire on anybody but Greenpeace. 201 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,566 (smooching sound) Well, I guess that's everyone. 202 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,277 {\an8}-Except Earring Boy. -Come on, Dad. 203 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,697 {\an8}Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a kid? 204 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,199 Well, when I was 10, I got my ear pierced. 205 00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:42,201 But this is completely different! 206 00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:43,661 Fine. Take it. 207 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:52,461 Attention on deck! Captain Tennille wishes to address you. 208 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,715 (clears throat) 209 00:11:56,924 --> 00:11:58,884 I'm a man of few words. 210 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,429 Any questions? 211 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,266 Uh, is the poop deck really what I think it is? 212 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:08,477 (laughing) I like the cut of your jib. 213 00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:13,399 -What's a jib? -(laughs) Promote that man. 214 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,488 The navy has a fine sense of tradition. 215 00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:22,074 Whenever an American vessel leaves port... 216 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:25,536 the crew sings this ancient sea chanty-- 217 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:28,122 A'one, a'two, a'three- 218 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:32,418 -A 'four-- -('70s Pop Tune plays) 219 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:39,842 (tune continues) 220 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:57,193 (vocals end) 221 00:12:57,318 --> 00:13:00,529 (instrumental music playing) 222 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:02,531 (music ends) 223 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:09,955 -(motor revving) -(whale singing) 224 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:13,209 (singing continues) 225 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,628 {\an8}Ya hear that? The whales are hungry. 226 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:19,465 -(imitating whale) -Homer, join us. 227 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:22,051 (imitating whale) Thank you. 228 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,845 Tell me, young man. What do you want out of life? 229 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,891 -I want peas. -(chuckles) We all want peace! 230 00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:30,893 But it's always just out of reach. 231 00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:35,481 -Oh! Uh-huh. -So, what's the best way to get peace? 232 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,775 -With a knife! -Exactly! 233 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,861 Not with the olive branch, but the bayonet. 234 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:44,907 (chuckling) Oh, Simpson! You're like the son I never had. 235 00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,743 {\an8}And you're like the father I never visit. 236 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,745 Sir! I was running a diagnostic 237 00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,914 and there was an obstruction in torpedo tube number one. 238 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,916 I'll take care of it. (sipping) 239 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,377 (groans) What the hell. Simpson! 240 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,671 -While I'm gone, you're in command. -Me? 241 00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:00,130 {\an8}-Him? -Yes. 242 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,424 Maybe it's the salt water in my veins... 243 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,177 {\an8}or the nitrogen bubbles in my brain... 244 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,388 {\an8}but I've taken a real shine to you. 245 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,353 Seaman, open that torpedo tube. 246 00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:18,107 You'll never get a response talking to my son like that. 247 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,943 -You gotta poke 'im with a stick. -(moaning) 248 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:24,196 I don't want to go to school today! (snores) 249 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,198 Oh, for God's sake! 250 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:30,286 Contraband! 251 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,124 Whoo, comfy. 252 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,544 {\an8}Homer, we got an enemy sub, closing in fast. 253 00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:40,504 {\an8}-What do we do? -I don't know. 254 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,427 Fifteen seconds to collision. We need a decision. 255 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:48,929 Hmm. What would the captain say in my spot? 256 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:53,267 -Don't fire the torpedoes! -Fire the torpedoes! 257 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:57,479 (Captain groaning) 258 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,941 -We've been hit by an officer! -If they're gonna fire on us... 259 00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:02,985 we'll respond in kind! 260 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,863 Fire! Not me, a torpedo! 261 00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,911 -(rapid beeping) -We're losing power! 262 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,246 -(engines slowing) -We're losing backup power! 263 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,498 We're down to mood lighter here. 264 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:20,085 (instrumental, Bossa Nova) 265 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,091 -(engines come back on) -(music stops) 266 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,052 All right, all right. Mellow out, everybody. 267 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,720 The captain will know what to do. 268 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:33,015 You just shot the captain out of the torpedo tube. 269 00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:36,810 -HOMER:D'oh! -That means you're in charge, Homer. 270 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:39,605 -I am? -(sighs) Those were the orders. 271 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:46,111 Very well, then. I'm a captain. 272 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:49,365 Mr. Moe, steady as she goes. 273 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,201 Aye, aye, ya big dummy. 274 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,286 (sighs) What a dummy. 275 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,549 Damage report, Mr. Moe. 276 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,843 {\an8}Sonar, out. Navigation, out. 277 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,304 {\an8}-Radio, out. -Enough of what's out. What's in? 278 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,807 Ice-blended mocha drinks and David Schwimmer. 279 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:18,310 Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way. 280 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:21,355 Captain, how are we supposed to get home with no equipment? 281 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,565 Don't worry. I've been working on it. 282 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:26,527 Mm, yes! Uh-huh. 283 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,862 Carry the two-- 284 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,033 All right. I can't waste any more time. 285 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,077 People's lives are depending on me. 286 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:38,080 -Mr. Sulu, make a left! -Aye, aye, Captain. 287 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,667 Setting course for Rigel Seven. I mean home. (chuckles) 288 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,920 HOMER: That's it. Left. Left. 289 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:48,799 Steady as she goes-- On second thought, go right. 290 00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:49,883 {\an8}-(metal clanging) -HOMER: D'oh! 291 00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:06,233 Well, sir, "Treason Season" started early this year... 292 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,778 as a nuclear sub was hijacked by local man Homer Simpson. 293 00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,321 Oh, my God! 294 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,949 {\an8}I told him that photo would come back to haunt him. 295 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:16,535 Could Homer Simpson be a Communist? 296 00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:18,537 His father spoke out on his behalf. 297 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,415 My Homer is not a Communist. 298 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:25,961 He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, 299 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,381 but he is not a porn star! 300 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,097 {\an8}It's over there. 301 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:42,770 {\an8}The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward "wessel." 302 00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:45,397 {\an8}The Soviet Union? I thought you guys broke up. 303 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:48,317 {\an8}(laughing) Yes! That's what we wanted you to think! 304 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,319 {\an8}(laughing evilly) 305 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,821 (chorus, Russian) 306 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,296 -(screaming) -(growling) 307 00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:13,634 Must crush Capitalism. (growling) 308 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,594 PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Children, I'll be frank. 309 00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:19,848 In the event of nuclear war, we can only save our best and brightest. 310 00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,643 Therefore, space in the fallout shelter will be Reserved for... 311 00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:26,438 Lisa Simpson, Martin Prince, our championship kickball team... 312 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,941 and Sherri, but not Terri. 313 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,112 Ha-ha! 314 00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:38,075 Captain, the renegade sub is directly below us. 315 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:41,995 Drop the depth charges. We'll either destroy it, or force it to surface. 316 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:47,000 Oh, my God! We're all gonna die! 317 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,002 -(intercom sounding) -Y'ello? 318 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:52,047 Mayday! Mayday! The engine room has sprung a leak. 319 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:55,259 It's filling up with a clear, nonalcoholic liquid. 320 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,553 -You mean, water? -Yeah, that's it. 321 00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,097 We got a pinhole leak and there's no way to plug it. 322 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:02,391 I guess that's it. Ladies and gentlemen... 323 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,977 we're in a tough spot, and I don't know if we're gonna get out. 324 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,563 Please remain calm, and think of your loved ones. 325 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,525 (baby talking) Oh, Mr. Snookums. 326 00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:15,696 Oh, I "wuv" you so- What are you looking at? 327 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,201 Hey, this stupid machine took my money! 328 00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:26,373 (kissing sound) Don't ever change. 329 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,502 {\an8}-Sparkle, sparkle. -Bart! 330 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:35,299 {\an8}-Pinole leak! -Dad? The earring could plug the hole. 331 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,050 {\an8}I'll plug your hole! 332 00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:39,386 I mean, eureka! 333 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:05,579 {\an8}(cheering) 334 00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:09,791 {\an8}-You saved us, Homer. -Mr. Moe? Prepare to surface. 335 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,586 {\an8}-You wanna stop calling me Mr. Moe? -No. 336 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:30,270 Attention, Homer Simpson. You have 10 seconds to explain your actions... 337 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:34,858 -before we open fire! -Uh, it's my first day! 338 00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:39,529 {\an8}-(all laughing) -(speaking Spanish) 339 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:43,951 -(laughing) -(speaking Chinese) 340 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,495 {\an8}-(laughing) -Quack, quack, quack. 341 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,830 (chittering) 342 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,963 Seaman Simpson, your actions have given the Navy 343 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,006 a black eye from which it may never recover. 344 00:20:58,131 --> 00:21:02,261 I would throw the book at you, but I've been indicted in the Tailhook scandal. 345 00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:05,472 -Good-bye. -I, too, would punish you 346 00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:09,309 but I'm under indictment for accepting bribes from military contractors. 347 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,563 Um, I torpedoed a Carnival Cruise ship. 348 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,565 Impersonating the first lady. 349 00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:21,363 -I think you're off the hook. -Whoo-hoo! 350 00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:29,121 A dishonorable discharge. That's the best we could have hoped for. 351 00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:32,708 You can't spell "dishonorable" without "honorable." 352 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,835 {\an8}I think you're a hero, Dad. 353 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,170 {\an8}Well, I couldn't have done it without Bart. 354 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:41,133 Boy, I guess I was wrong about that earring. It saved us all. 355 00:21:41,216 --> 00:21:43,719 Then can I get a tattoo that says, "Bite me"? 356 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,721 You never know when it might come in handy. 357 00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:47,848 -I don't think so, son. -A king cobra? 358 00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:49,349 -HOMER: No. -BART: Weapons-grade plutonium? 359 00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:51,059 -HOMER: Ask your mother. -BART: Knockout drops? 360 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,477 -HOMER: No. -BART: Ninja death stars? 361 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:53,520 HOMER: Maybe for Christmas. 362 00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:56,064 (theme music played by a marching band) 363 00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,151 -(murmuring) -Shh! 364 00:22:44,112 --> 00:22:46,114 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services