1 00:00:01,550 --> 00:00:03,624 I have my own room at Mom's house, too. 2 00:00:03,625 --> 00:00:06,593 My dad doesn't. His stuff's in the garage. 3 00:00:06,594 --> 00:00:09,083 Do you know how to play Vampire Hunter? 'Cause I just got it. 4 00:00:09,084 --> 00:00:10,519 No, sorry. 5 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,222 You got to chop off their heads. Otherwise they'll keep coming at you. 6 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,711 Do you know where your uncle keeps the paper towels? 7 00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:19,391 I think there's some up there. 8 00:00:27,852 --> 00:00:30,878 Hi. You must be Alan. I'm Cindy. 9 00:00:31,396 --> 00:00:33,310 Hi. 10 00:00:33,311 --> 00:00:38,018 -Hey, Jake, it's time to get dressed. -Wait a minute. 11 00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:40,205 Can you get me a bowl from that top shelf? 12 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,597 Come on, let's go. 13 00:00:42,919 --> 00:00:46,174 What happened to "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day"? 14 00:00:46,175 --> 00:00:48,153 Just go get dressed. 15 00:00:48,154 --> 00:00:51,121 Charlie, there is a half-naked woman in our kitchen. 16 00:00:51,122 --> 00:00:53,514 Which half? 17 00:00:54,953 --> 00:00:56,964 -Hey, Cindy. -Hey, Charlie. 18 00:00:56,965 --> 00:00:59,166 -How you doing? -Not bad. How about yourself? 19 00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:01,681 Pretty good. Thanks again. 20 00:01:01,816 --> 00:01:03,794 -I'll see you soon. -Anytime. 21 00:01:03,795 --> 00:01:06,187 Bye. 22 00:01:08,423 --> 00:01:10,944 "How you doing"? "Thanks again"? 23 00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:14,488 Charlie, casual sex is one thing, but this is just lazy. 24 00:01:14,489 --> 00:01:17,137 What are you talking about? I didn't have sex with her. 25 00:01:17,138 --> 00:01:20,265 She just surfs out on the Point, uses my shower and goes to work. 26 00:01:20,266 --> 00:01:22,020 So you're not sleeping with her? 27 00:01:22,021 --> 00:01:26,457 Jeez, Alan, I don't sleep with every buff surfer chick that uses my shower. 28 00:01:26,458 --> 00:01:28,309 What kind of guy do you think I am? 29 00:01:28,310 --> 00:01:32,012 I think you're the luckiest bastard to walk the face of the earth, but, 30 00:01:32,013 --> 00:01:35,906 that's not my point. I don't want women flashing their butt tattoos at my son. 31 00:01:35,907 --> 00:01:38,906 -Cindy has a tattoo? -Yes, a butterfly. 32 00:01:38,907 --> 00:01:41,110 Right cheek or left? No, wait, don't tell me. 33 00:01:41,111 --> 00:01:43,216 I want to be surprised. 34 00:01:43,217 --> 00:01:46,567 So you're not sleeping with her, but you want to. 35 00:01:46,568 --> 00:01:48,611 Yeah. 36 00:01:48,612 --> 00:01:51,675 What kind of guy do you think I am? 37 00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:54,421 When I moved in here, I said it was vital that we create 38 00:01:54,422 --> 00:01:57,197 a wholesome atmosphere for Jake. And you said, "I understand." 39 00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:59,655 Alan, there's something you should know about me. 40 00:01:59,656 --> 00:02:02,528 When I say I understand, it doesn't mean I agree. 41 00:02:02,529 --> 00:02:06,805 It doesn't mean I understand. It doesn't even mean I'm listening. 42 00:02:06,806 --> 00:02:08,146 Then why do you say it? 43 00:02:08,147 --> 00:02:11,594 It seems to make people happy, and that's what I'm all about. 44 00:02:11,595 --> 00:02:15,137 That's very altruistic, but I would prefer if you'd just be straight with me. 45 00:02:15,138 --> 00:02:17,211 -Fine. -All I'm asking is that you keep in mind 46 00:02:17,212 --> 00:02:19,765 that we have an impressionable 10-year-old boy living here. 47 00:02:19,766 --> 00:02:22,158 -I understand. -Thank you. 48 00:02:40,163 --> 00:02:42,555 -That sounds nice. -Thanks. 49 00:02:42,685 --> 00:02:44,791 So where are Jake and Alan today? 50 00:02:44,792 --> 00:02:48,015 Jake's at school and Alan's at work. 51 00:02:48,016 --> 00:02:49,292 It's just you and me. 52 00:02:49,293 --> 00:02:52,005 Tell them I said hi. Thanks again for the shower. 53 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,729 You bet. You look really nice. 54 00:02:53,730 --> 00:02:56,121 Thank you. Bye. 55 00:02:56,922 --> 00:02:59,314 Yeah, I got work to do. 56 00:03:00,752 --> 00:03:06,779 Charlie, seeing you strike out like that just makes me love you more. 57 00:03:06,881 --> 00:03:09,402 Rose, you've got to get a hobby. 58 00:03:09,403 --> 00:03:11,794 I've got a hobby. 59 00:03:12,882 --> 00:03:15,594 -I thought we agreed we were just friends. -We are. 60 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,541 We're friends who slept together once 61 00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:20,127 and then one friend never called the other friend, 62 00:03:20,128 --> 00:03:23,725 but luckily, the other friend forgave him. 63 00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:25,490 Where are you going? 64 00:03:25,491 --> 00:03:27,628 To make my friend a grilled cheese sandwich. 65 00:03:27,629 --> 00:03:30,756 Rose, I don't want a grilled cheese sandwich. 66 00:03:30,757 --> 00:03:32,576 Would you prefer a quesadilla? 67 00:03:32,577 --> 00:03:34,968 That sounds nice. 68 00:03:35,545 --> 00:03:37,946 But then you have to leave. 69 00:03:41,451 --> 00:03:43,685 Hey, Judith. Alan's at work. 70 00:03:43,685 --> 00:03:45,791 I know where Alan is. I came to talk to you. 71 00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:49,226 -Me? But you don't like me. -I don't. 72 00:03:51,697 --> 00:03:53,963 I like you. 73 00:03:53,964 --> 00:03:56,612 Jake's fourth grade class was given a simple assignment. 74 00:03:56,613 --> 00:03:59,357 Draw something interesting you see around the house. 75 00:03:59,358 --> 00:04:02,645 One child drew a record player, another drew a parrot. 76 00:04:02,646 --> 00:04:05,037 My son drew this. 77 00:04:07,626 --> 00:04:10,976 A woman's behind with a butterfly tattoo. 78 00:04:10,977 --> 00:04:13,369 On the right cheek. 79 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,512 I'll have to just act surprised. 80 00:04:17,713 --> 00:04:22,021 I asked him where he saw this. He said, "In Uncle Charlie's kitchen." 81 00:04:22,022 --> 00:04:25,053 You gotta admit, it beats the hell out of a parrot. 82 00:04:25,054 --> 00:04:27,256 Charlie, I am not in the mood. 83 00:04:27,257 --> 00:04:29,964 -Hold that thought. -I got it. 84 00:04:30,193 --> 00:04:31,852 Hello. 85 00:04:31,853 --> 00:04:34,254 Are you in for your mother? 86 00:04:38,493 --> 00:04:41,269 Charlie's in a meeting right now. But you can talk to me. 87 00:04:41,270 --> 00:04:45,068 Heck, I feel like we're practically related. 88 00:04:45,196 --> 00:04:47,845 -ls that the girl in the picture? -Rose? 89 00:04:47,846 --> 00:04:51,229 No. She doesn't have a tattoo on her butt. 90 00:04:51,229 --> 00:04:53,621 I'm guessing. 91 00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:56,304 Look, I don't care what you do in your private time, 92 00:04:56,305 --> 00:04:59,048 but when my son is here, I expect you to clean up your act. 93 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,379 -I understand. -I don't like coming over here 94 00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:04,443 and being the bad guy, but I have to protect my son. 95 00:05:04,444 --> 00:05:06,518 I understand. 96 00:05:06,519 --> 00:05:09,870 It's hard enough going through this transition all by myself. 97 00:05:09,871 --> 00:05:12,423 Alan at least has you, I have no one. 98 00:05:12,424 --> 00:05:15,169 Except my parents, and they're completely toxic. 99 00:05:15,170 --> 00:05:17,243 I understand. 100 00:05:17,244 --> 00:05:19,158 Do you? 101 00:05:19,159 --> 00:05:21,551 I think I do. 102 00:05:21,585 --> 00:05:24,234 Thank you. That means a lot to me. 103 00:05:24,235 --> 00:05:27,458 I mean, I've always been the good daughter or the good wife. 104 00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:28,576 And you know what? 105 00:05:28,577 --> 00:05:31,480 Outside of those relationships, I don't know who I am. 106 00:05:31,481 --> 00:05:34,672 Am I gay, am I straight? Who the hell knows? 107 00:05:34,673 --> 00:05:39,457 I'm scared about this, Charlie, and I'm totally alone. 108 00:05:41,057 --> 00:05:43,449 You know what? 109 00:05:43,515 --> 00:05:45,906 I understand. 110 00:05:51,527 --> 00:05:53,918 Thank you for listening. 111 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:56,313 Hey. 112 00:05:56,411 --> 00:05:59,155 I'm so sorry to take up your time with all of this. 113 00:05:59,156 --> 00:06:01,548 Hey. 114 00:06:01,582 --> 00:06:03,974 I understand. 115 00:06:07,328 --> 00:06:10,571 -Thank you, Charlie. -You're welcome. 116 00:06:13,392 --> 00:06:17,350 There's five minutes of my life I'll never get back. 117 00:06:17,351 --> 00:06:21,876 Don't fill up. Your mom's taking us out for lunch. 118 00:06:28,331 --> 00:06:30,470 Hey. Where have you been? 119 00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:34,670 I just had lunch with my mother and my stalker. 120 00:06:35,417 --> 00:06:38,704 They spent the afternoon eating off each other's plates 121 00:06:38,705 --> 00:06:41,719 and discussing my fear of intimacy. 122 00:06:41,738 --> 00:06:44,139 You do have that, you know. 123 00:06:44,355 --> 00:06:47,578 Anyway, look, can we talk about this picture Jake drew? 124 00:06:47,579 --> 00:06:53,769 What's to talk about? He's a boy. He saw a woman's ass. He liked it. 125 00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:59,453 Thank your lucky stars it wasn't the cable guy's ass, and move on. 126 00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,845 Hey, Dad. Where's Cankun? 127 00:07:05,199 --> 00:07:06,826 Cancún? 128 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,219 No, it's spelled Cankun. 129 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:11,615 It's in Mexico. Why? 130 00:07:11,615 --> 00:07:14,616 We should go there for Christmas instead of Aunt Betty's. 131 00:07:14,617 --> 00:07:16,913 -What are you reading? -Sports Illustrated. 132 00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:19,627 But it's mostly ladies in bathing suits. 133 00:07:19,628 --> 00:07:21,829 Jake. Come back here. 134 00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:22,979 Are you happy? 135 00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:27,715 I have my moments, but they're becoming further apart. 136 00:07:27,863 --> 00:07:30,001 -Jake, sit down. -Am I in trouble? 137 00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:34,086 No. It's perfectly natural for you to be interested in women's bodies. 138 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:37,055 -Great. I'll be in my room. -Wait. 139 00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:39,034 Let's talk a minute here. 140 00:07:39,035 --> 00:07:41,141 I don't mind you looking at these pictures, 141 00:07:41,142 --> 00:07:45,418 but it's important that you know what they mean. 142 00:07:46,601 --> 00:07:49,557 I'd like to know that, too, Alan. 143 00:07:49,824 --> 00:07:52,792 Okay. First of all, real women don't look like this. 144 00:07:52,793 --> 00:07:55,187 These pictures have been retouched and airbrushed 145 00:07:55,188 --> 00:07:58,346 so that the women look like they're perfect. But they're really not. 146 00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:02,592 Excuse me, but I met that one, and she was perfect. 147 00:08:02,593 --> 00:08:04,316 What I'm trying to explain to Jake 148 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,901 is that this is not what regular women look like. 149 00:08:06,902 --> 00:08:09,263 Then why don't they use regular women? 150 00:08:09,264 --> 00:08:15,367 Because the only way regular women can sell magazines is door-to-door. 151 00:08:18,553 --> 00:08:22,542 My point is that these women are three-dimensional human beings. 152 00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:23,947 They're not just sex objects. 153 00:08:23,948 --> 00:08:28,671 Which explains why this one's on all fours in the surf. 154 00:08:28,672 --> 00:08:32,087 -Are you quite done? -No. I think you're being very unfair. 155 00:08:32,088 --> 00:08:35,247 These women worked very hard, ate very little, 156 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:39,447 and spent a lot of money to become sex objects. 157 00:08:39,972 --> 00:08:42,832 Those breasts alone cost $10,000. 158 00:08:43,675 --> 00:08:46,067 You can buy these? 159 00:08:47,058 --> 00:08:49,227 Thank you, Charlie. 160 00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:51,710 Some women choose 161 00:08:52,293 --> 00:08:54,366 to make their breasts larger 162 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,589 with what's called surgical implants. 163 00:08:57,943 --> 00:09:01,033 -Why? -They think bigger is better. 164 00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:03,431 I can see that. 165 00:09:04,391 --> 00:09:08,157 What really matters, Jake, is what's inside a person. 166 00:09:08,158 --> 00:09:10,806 See, that's the lesson here. Do you get what I'm saying? 167 00:09:10,807 --> 00:09:12,561 -I think so. -You're sure? 168 00:09:12,562 --> 00:09:15,147 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I mean... 169 00:09:15,148 --> 00:09:17,540 Do you have any questions? 170 00:09:17,606 --> 00:09:19,997 -Just one. -Fire away. 171 00:09:20,415 --> 00:09:22,893 Can I have my magazine back? 172 00:09:27,119 --> 00:09:28,841 Congratulations, Alan. 173 00:09:28,842 --> 00:09:32,812 You've managed to take the fun out of boobs. 174 00:09:38,418 --> 00:09:41,193 Hello. Hi, Judith. 175 00:09:41,419 --> 00:09:45,466 Yeah, I'm so glad you called. I just... What? 176 00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:48,886 She wants to talk to you. 177 00:09:49,144 --> 00:09:53,676 -Why does my wife want to talk to you? -I don't know. 178 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:56,068 Hey, Judith. What's up? 179 00:09:58,081 --> 00:10:00,473 I understand. 180 00:10:00,731 --> 00:10:02,708 What do you understand? 181 00:10:02,709 --> 00:10:05,101 Not a thing. 182 00:10:06,859 --> 00:10:09,251 I understand. 183 00:10:09,572 --> 00:10:11,519 What's she saying? 184 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,200 Hang on, Judith. That's my other line. 185 00:10:14,201 --> 00:10:17,296 She's upset because her parents want to take Jake to SeaWorld. 186 00:10:17,297 --> 00:10:19,594 She feels like this is crossing a boundary 187 00:10:19,595 --> 00:10:21,574 since they've been so unsupportive recently. 188 00:10:21,575 --> 00:10:23,808 And she's not sure if her anger is misplaced. 189 00:10:23,809 --> 00:10:25,947 Since when are you her new best friend? 190 00:10:25,948 --> 00:10:30,023 I don't know. Something's gone horribly wrong. 191 00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:33,862 Sorry, you were saying? 192 00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,735 I understand. 193 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:42,034 You're the coolest. Love, Cindy. 194 00:10:42,834 --> 00:10:46,679 Are you sure your nephew's gonna like this? 195 00:10:46,984 --> 00:10:49,509 Who says it's for my nephew? 196 00:10:49,761 --> 00:10:52,191 -You're really cute. -Good. 197 00:10:54,644 --> 00:10:56,112 I'm sorry there's no waves. 198 00:10:56,113 --> 00:11:01,068 Yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna get my exercise today. 199 00:11:01,539 --> 00:11:03,931 It's a puzzler. 200 00:11:07,317 --> 00:11:09,487 Why don't you open up another bottle of wine 201 00:11:09,488 --> 00:11:12,932 -and we'll figure something out. -Okay. 202 00:11:15,521 --> 00:11:18,201 I'm sorry to just drop by, but I had to talk to somebody. 203 00:11:18,202 --> 00:11:21,552 I just left Jake with my parents so they could take him to San Diego, 204 00:11:21,553 --> 00:11:23,883 and I got in this terrible argument with my father. 205 00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:26,564 He thinks it's my fault that Alan and I are breaking up, 206 00:11:26,565 --> 00:11:28,543 and he knows exactly how to push my buttons. 207 00:11:28,544 --> 00:11:30,713 The question is why do I need his approval? 208 00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:33,900 Why do I need approval from any man? 209 00:11:36,524 --> 00:11:38,916 I understand. 210 00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:41,503 Charlie, how could you possibly understand? 211 00:11:41,504 --> 00:11:43,610 I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had company. 212 00:11:43,611 --> 00:11:46,068 No, we were just hanging out. I'm Cindy. 213 00:11:46,069 --> 00:11:47,695 -Hi. Judith. -Hi. 214 00:11:47,696 --> 00:11:51,207 I've spent the better part of my life trying to win my father's approval. 215 00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:53,569 -You, too? -Yeah, I almost married a guy 216 00:11:53,570 --> 00:11:56,984 -just 'cause my father liked him. -I married a guy just like my father. 217 00:11:56,985 --> 00:12:00,152 -Disaster, right? -It's his brother. 218 00:12:00,209 --> 00:12:02,347 I met him. He's pretty tightly wound. 219 00:12:02,348 --> 00:12:03,752 -He is. -Yeah. 220 00:12:03,753 --> 00:12:05,858 -Do you want some wine? -I want a lot of wine. 221 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,614 Yeah. 222 00:12:07,615 --> 00:12:10,135 You know it's so funny about relationships and men. 223 00:12:10,136 --> 00:12:13,580 -You just wonder all the time. -Always. 224 00:12:15,755 --> 00:12:18,147 I do not understand. 225 00:12:41,866 --> 00:12:44,258 Morning, neighbor. 226 00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:47,674 -Charlie's not up yet, Rose. -Oh, Alan, 227 00:12:47,675 --> 00:12:50,200 don't you think I know that? 228 00:12:50,548 --> 00:12:54,281 I brought a Frisbee for your son. It's a Glow-in-the-Dark Pro model. 229 00:12:54,282 --> 00:12:58,559 -There are teeth marks in it. -They're not mine. 230 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,464 Actually, Jake's in San Diego with his mom's parents. 231 00:13:04,465 --> 00:13:06,284 Boy, that hardly seems fair. 232 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:09,412 Evelyn never gets any quality time with him. 233 00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:11,805 -Evelyn? -Your mom. 234 00:13:12,446 --> 00:13:14,679 I know her name. 235 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,499 But do you know how much she loves you, 236 00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:20,422 and would appreciate a call once in a while? 237 00:13:20,585 --> 00:13:22,976 Hi, Alan. Shower open? 238 00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:25,919 -Yeah. Help yourself. -Hi, Alan. 239 00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:29,777 Judith? What are you doing here? 240 00:13:29,778 --> 00:13:32,650 Cindy's teaching me to surf. She says I'm a natural. 241 00:13:32,651 --> 00:13:34,885 'Cause she's got the upper body strength for it. 242 00:13:34,886 --> 00:13:36,672 Nothing like yours. 243 00:13:36,673 --> 00:13:40,375 You will. You just gotta build up your lats. 244 00:13:40,376 --> 00:13:42,768 Wow! They're so firm. 245 00:13:43,249 --> 00:13:48,036 Come on. I'll show you some exercises before we hit the shower. 246 00:13:48,037 --> 00:13:50,668 So, when's Charlie getting up? 247 00:13:51,293 --> 00:13:53,684 In about nine seconds. 248 00:13:54,006 --> 00:13:56,397 Wake up! 249 00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:00,517 What? I was having a great dream. 250 00:14:00,518 --> 00:14:04,347 Your girlfriend and my wife. Surfing. Showering. Rubber suits. 251 00:14:04,348 --> 00:14:06,740 Okay. This might be better. 252 00:14:08,690 --> 00:14:11,274 Charlie, you've got to do something. 253 00:14:11,275 --> 00:14:13,667 -You're right. -Yeah. 254 00:14:17,244 --> 00:14:18,998 Charlie, what are you gonna do? 255 00:14:18,999 --> 00:14:22,032 What do you think? I just woke up. 256 00:14:22,065 --> 00:14:25,479 Come on. They could be lathering each other up right now! 257 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,416 Alan, you're not helping this go any faster. 258 00:14:28,417 --> 00:14:32,789 I can't believe this is going on under my own roof. Well, under your roof. 259 00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:36,329 God knows what's going on under my roof. 260 00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:40,737 -You know, there is good news here. -Really? What's that? 261 00:14:40,738 --> 00:14:44,695 Now we know why I never got anywhere with Cindy. 262 00:14:44,696 --> 00:14:47,088 Hello? Me? 263 00:14:47,409 --> 00:14:49,260 Okay, listen. 264 00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:51,270 What do we really know here? 265 00:14:51,271 --> 00:14:53,090 Your wife has taken up surfing. 266 00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:55,483 We're good so far, right? 267 00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:58,516 She made a new friend. Still good? 268 00:14:58,517 --> 00:15:00,144 Yeah, I guess. 269 00:15:00,145 --> 00:15:04,294 Do we know for a fact that they're showering together? 270 00:15:04,295 --> 00:15:06,369 -No. -Okay. 271 00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:10,838 So what do we know for sure about Cindy and Judith? 272 00:15:10,839 --> 00:15:16,053 Cindy's not interested in you, and Judith thinks she's gay. 273 00:15:19,936 --> 00:15:22,327 There you go. 274 00:15:25,905 --> 00:15:28,075 And I got to see penguins and a manta ray. 275 00:15:28,076 --> 00:15:31,108 And I got to pet a shark. And the coolest thing was the whales. 276 00:15:31,109 --> 00:15:32,767 They splashed everybody. 277 00:15:32,768 --> 00:15:36,470 You could see right through this one lady's shirt. 278 00:15:36,471 --> 00:15:39,379 And I think maybe she had plants. 279 00:15:41,514 --> 00:15:43,906 Implants. 280 00:15:46,143 --> 00:15:47,514 Yeah. Implants. 281 00:15:47,515 --> 00:15:52,622 I asked Grandma if she had them, and Grandpa said, "I wish." 282 00:15:52,623 --> 00:15:56,006 And then she got mad at him and then they bought me ice cream. 283 00:15:56,007 --> 00:15:57,761 So you had a good trip? 284 00:15:57,762 --> 00:16:03,378 Yeah. When I got home, I went to the movies with Mom and Cindy. 285 00:16:05,359 --> 00:16:08,221 Wait. You, Mom and Cindy? 286 00:16:08,807 --> 00:16:11,198 There you go. 287 00:16:11,775 --> 00:16:14,807 -She's gonna teach me to surf. -Of course she is. 288 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:19,148 She's not gonna be happy until the whole damn family surfs. 289 00:16:19,149 --> 00:16:20,744 Why don't we give her Aunt Betty's number? 290 00:16:20,745 --> 00:16:24,007 Squeeze that fat ass into a wet suit. 291 00:16:25,853 --> 00:16:29,203 Here, Jake. Take your pizza and go watch TV in your room. 292 00:16:29,204 --> 00:16:30,927 Dad said "fat ass." 293 00:16:30,928 --> 00:16:35,077 You've seen Aunt Betty. It's not swearing if it's true. Now go. 294 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:37,310 She gets all bent out of shape when Cindy 295 00:16:37,311 --> 00:16:40,311 is prancing around here with her butterfly butt sticking out. 296 00:16:40,312 --> 00:16:43,822 But all of a sudden it's okay, 'cause the butt is on the other foot. 297 00:16:43,823 --> 00:16:45,546 Alan, chill out, buddy. 298 00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:48,770 No! This is the worst kind of hypocrisy and it will not stand. 299 00:16:48,771 --> 00:16:51,866 Forgive me, Alan, but that self-righteous attitude 300 00:16:51,867 --> 00:16:55,027 is a big part of what drove Judith away in the first place. 301 00:16:55,028 --> 00:16:58,793 What? Where did you get... Where? Did she tell you that? 302 00:16:58,794 --> 00:17:02,496 Hey, girlfriends tell each other everything. 303 00:17:03,391 --> 00:17:05,840 Don't look at me like that. 304 00:17:06,168 --> 00:17:09,934 Listen, if she really is gay, then there's nothing you can do about it. 305 00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:15,200 Except maybe try and figure out why a lesbian married you in the first place. 306 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:18,063 But if she's just experimenting 307 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,850 and you act all loving and supportive, 308 00:17:20,851 --> 00:17:24,697 then maybe she comes back to the home team. 309 00:17:26,725 --> 00:17:30,810 Or maybe I could find it in my heart to actually be loving and supportive. 310 00:17:30,811 --> 00:17:34,302 Sure, if you want to reinvent the wheel. 311 00:17:37,481 --> 00:17:40,833 Hey. You know, I would've been more than happy to drop Jake to your house. 312 00:17:40,834 --> 00:17:42,620 No problem. This worked out great. 313 00:17:42,621 --> 00:17:45,844 I've been surfing all day with Cindy and we just had a bite to eat. 314 00:17:45,845 --> 00:17:48,685 Isn't that nice. Listen, are you in a hurry? 315 00:17:48,686 --> 00:17:50,920 Because there's something I wanted to talk to you about. 316 00:17:50,921 --> 00:17:53,370 No, I guess not. What's up? 317 00:17:54,432 --> 00:17:57,772 I just wanted to let you know that 318 00:17:59,635 --> 00:18:03,303 I'm okay with this. More than okay. 319 00:18:03,370 --> 00:18:08,028 I understand, love and respect you for your courage 320 00:18:08,158 --> 00:18:10,168 to explore things. 321 00:18:10,169 --> 00:18:13,938 Thank you. I'm really starting to enjoy it. 322 00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:17,478 And I support that. 323 00:18:17,478 --> 00:18:19,744 Yeah, I've only done it on my knees so far, 324 00:18:19,745 --> 00:18:22,840 but Cindy says I'm almost ready to try it standing up. 325 00:18:22,841 --> 00:18:26,319 You know what? I don't need to hear the details. 326 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,798 The more important thing is that I accept 327 00:18:29,799 --> 00:18:34,659 you and Cindy as lovers. And more power to you, sister. 328 00:18:37,588 --> 00:18:40,124 You pompous, assuming bastard. 329 00:18:44,068 --> 00:18:46,173 You think I'm sleeping with her? 330 00:18:46,174 --> 00:18:48,566 No. 331 00:18:48,696 --> 00:18:51,250 I just got out of a 12-year marriage and you think I would jump 332 00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:53,963 into bed with someone I just met? Man or woman? 333 00:18:53,964 --> 00:18:56,835 -No. -You should be ashamed of yourself. 334 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:59,453 -I am. -Two women become friends, 335 00:18:59,454 --> 00:19:02,485 and you jump to the conclusion they're having sex! 336 00:19:02,486 --> 00:19:06,562 Where do you get that kind of sleazy thinking? 337 00:19:10,785 --> 00:19:13,498 The jogger. The one on the left. 338 00:19:13,499 --> 00:19:15,286 Real? 339 00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:17,552 Good eye. 340 00:19:17,553 --> 00:19:20,138 With the sports bra, that could have gone either way. 341 00:19:20,139 --> 00:19:25,244 Of course, if they do go either way, they're usually fake. 342 00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:27,448 Jake, honey, get your stuff, we're going home. 343 00:19:27,449 --> 00:19:30,703 -Okay. See you, Uncle Charlie. -See you, buddy. Hey, girlfriend. 344 00:19:30,704 --> 00:19:35,009 Don't "girlfriend" me, you shallow piece of crap. 345 00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:48,035 Fake. 346 00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:53,972 Real. 347 00:19:54,549 --> 00:19:55,665 Jake. 348 00:19:55,666 --> 00:19:59,400 Who does she think she's kidding with those things? 349 00:19:59,401 --> 00:20:02,049 Jake, I swear, if you don't stop it, I'm taking you home. 350 00:20:02,050 --> 00:20:04,442 I understand.