1
00:00:01,625 --> 00:00:03,190
This is where I sit.

2
00:00:03,191 --> 00:00:05,586
Right on. Good location.

3
00:00:06,387 --> 00:00:07,538
What else?

4
00:00:07,538 --> 00:00:09,933
That's the sink.

5
00:00:09,967 --> 00:00:12,491
If you put your thumb over the hole,
you can squirt water

6
00:00:12,492 --> 00:00:15,688
all the way over to the other side
of the room.

7
00:00:15,689 --> 00:00:16,967
Cool.

8
00:00:16,968 --> 00:00:20,387
I'm not allowed to use the sink anymore.

9
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,528
Got it.

10
00:00:22,529 --> 00:00:28,793
-So, what's the deal with your teacher?
-Miss Tuttle? She's very strict.

11
00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:31,189
That could work.

12
00:00:31,735 --> 00:00:33,587
Did you see this drawing our son made?

13
00:00:33,588 --> 00:00:36,305
It's a cry for his parents
to get back together.

14
00:00:36,306 --> 00:00:39,278
Alan, it's Davy Crockett at the Alamo.

15
00:00:39,279 --> 00:00:42,622
I know. Breaks your heart, doesn't it?

16
00:00:43,082 --> 00:00:44,775
I can see you got your brother here.

17
00:00:44,776 --> 00:00:48,227
Yeah, he wasn't thrilled about it,
but he can't say no to Jake.

18
00:00:48,228 --> 00:00:51,648
And I kind of implied that Miss Tuttle
was a bit of a freak.

19
00:00:51,649 --> 00:00:52,862
Excuse me?

20
00:00:52,862 --> 00:00:57,049
You wanted me to get him here.
He's here. The rest is up to you.

21
00:00:57,050 --> 00:00:59,159
So, come on. You gonna introduce me?

22
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,556
-What for?
-She's your teacher.

23
00:01:01,557 --> 00:01:05,647
You're my nephew. I feel like...
Come on, just do it.

24
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:08,268
Don't you want to see my model
of a California mission?

25
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,506
-It's made of sugar cubes.
-Okay.

26
00:01:10,507 --> 00:01:13,094
First your mission, then mine.

27
00:01:13,671 --> 00:01:16,515
May I have everyone's attention? Hello.

28
00:01:16,516 --> 00:01:19,429
I'm Judith Harper, the class mom.

29
00:01:23,325 --> 00:01:26,808
I just want to thank you all for coming.
This is a great turnout.

30
00:01:26,809 --> 00:01:29,204
Give yourselves a hand.

31
00:01:33,234 --> 00:01:35,950
I understand you teachers
are sadly underpaid.

32
00:01:35,951 --> 00:01:37,931
That's very true.

33
00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:42,080
I'd like to do my part.
Can I buy you dinner?

34
00:01:42,471 --> 00:01:44,931
So please feel free to put your name
on the sign-up sheets

35
00:01:44,932 --> 00:01:48,031
if you're available
for carpools, coaching, fieldtrips.

36
00:01:48,032 --> 00:01:49,470
Charlie Harper.

37
00:01:49,471 --> 00:01:53,111
Jake's uncle, mentor, pal.

38
00:01:59,379 --> 00:02:01,968
And finally, and this is a biggie, folks.

39
00:02:01,969 --> 00:02:04,077
It looks as if we're gonna have to cancel

40
00:02:04,078 --> 00:02:07,754
our annual music show
for our fourth graders.

41
00:02:07,755 --> 00:02:12,037
Unless someone with music experience
volunteers to help us out.

42
00:02:12,038 --> 00:02:14,588
Anyone? Anyone at all?

43
00:02:15,714 --> 00:02:17,662
-Charlie?
-Yeah.

44
00:02:17,663 --> 00:02:20,709
Thank you. Charlie Harper, everyone.

45
00:02:27,668 --> 00:02:30,063
What?

46
00:02:42,659 --> 00:02:44,640
Go ahead, say it.

47
00:02:44,641 --> 00:02:47,388
You traitorous, rat bastard.

48
00:02:47,485 --> 00:02:50,515
Good. You feel better?

49
00:02:51,321 --> 00:02:54,325
You set me up. You lured me
into that classroom

50
00:02:54,326 --> 00:02:56,818
with promises of donuts
and loose women.

51
00:02:56,819 --> 00:03:01,101
I'm sorry. I honestly thought
there'd be donuts.

52
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:04,138
What about Miss Tuttle? The freak?

53
00:03:04,139 --> 00:03:07,309
She's a married Christian missionary!

54
00:03:07,783 --> 00:03:11,128
Okay, that I just lied about.

55
00:03:11,682 --> 00:03:14,302
But it was for a good cause.
The kids really need you.

56
00:03:14,303 --> 00:03:17,403
Yeah, but see, here's the problem.
I don't like kids.

57
00:03:17,404 --> 00:03:21,079
-You like Jake.
-Jake's different. He's cool. He's our kid.

58
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,475
The rest of them.

59
00:03:24,627 --> 00:03:28,402
-What other kids do you know?
-I see them.

60
00:03:28,559 --> 00:03:30,891
Having tantrums in supermarkets,

61
00:03:30,892 --> 00:03:35,491
screaming in movie theaters,
making everything sticky.

62
00:03:37,093 --> 00:03:41,088
And the whole world gives them
a free ride just because they're cute.

63
00:03:41,089 --> 00:03:43,965
Okay. Forget about the kids.
Do this for me and Judith.

64
00:03:43,966 --> 00:03:46,298
Not really a big Judith fan, either.

65
00:03:46,299 --> 00:03:48,280
Come on. You'll write the music and lyrics.

66
00:03:48,281 --> 00:03:52,308
Judith and l
will produce and direct. Together.

67
00:03:52,309 --> 00:03:54,481
Hold on.

68
00:03:54,482 --> 00:03:57,006
So you roped me into this
because you think

69
00:03:57,007 --> 00:03:59,979
that the three of us collaborating
on a fourth-grade tribute

70
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:03,719
to the lndustrial Revolution will somehow
lead to you getting back together

71
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,507
with your allegedly gay ex-wife?

72
00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:11,294
It's easy to make anything
sound stupid, Charlie.

73
00:04:11,295 --> 00:04:14,938
Look, we're still legally married.
Frankly, I don't buy the whole gay thing.

74
00:04:14,939 --> 00:04:21,607
A gay woman would not fake orgasms
for 12 years just to protect my feelings.

75
00:04:22,099 --> 00:04:24,734
Okay. Take off your seat belt.

76
00:04:24,816 --> 00:04:26,797
-Why?
-Because when I slam on the brakes,

77
00:04:26,798 --> 00:04:30,409
I want to watch you
go through the windshield.

78
00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:33,605
Don't be silly. Do you know how fast
you'd have to be going to...

79
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:36,001
Hey, slow down.

80
00:04:38,272 --> 00:04:41,319
Manpower, horsepower, coal and steam

81
00:04:41,469 --> 00:04:44,286
Moving forward the American dream

82
00:04:44,569 --> 00:04:47,435
Electric, atomic, solar, too

83
00:04:47,543 --> 00:04:50,703
All this energy for me and you

84
00:04:53,903 --> 00:04:57,801
-I want to like it.
-Yeah, want to like it.

85
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,309
-But?
-But I just don't think it's your best work.

86
00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:04,705
It's not. Fire me, please.

87
00:05:05,026 --> 00:05:08,062
Do you remember that show
that you and I did in college?

88
00:05:08,063 --> 00:05:09,916
Stormy Weather? Sure.

89
00:05:09,917 --> 00:05:12,058
-Now, those songs had a point of view.
-Yeah.

90
00:05:12,059 --> 00:05:14,263
And you couldn't get them
out of your head.

91
00:05:14,264 --> 00:05:17,424
Co-ed bathrooms, co-ed bathrooms

92
00:05:17,492 --> 00:05:21,007
Wear your flip-flops
in the co-ed bathrooms

93
00:05:21,008 --> 00:05:24,005
Stuff grows on the floor there

94
00:05:24,109 --> 00:05:27,404
And whoops! There's another pubic hair

95
00:05:30,501 --> 00:05:34,017
See? Maybe the easiest way to do this
is for us to write the actual song.

96
00:05:34,018 --> 00:05:37,213
Yeah. Then Charlie could just toss in
the specific notes and stuff.

97
00:05:37,214 --> 00:05:40,078
Yeah, Charlie, what do you think?

98
00:05:40,826 --> 00:05:44,245
Okay, then I guess it's just the two of us.

99
00:05:44,246 --> 00:05:49,668
-Like the old days.
-Yeah. Except this time I'm not a virgin.

100
00:05:51,502 --> 00:05:54,698
How come you're not
helping Mom and Dad with the show?

101
00:05:54,699 --> 00:05:56,391
How can I put this?

102
00:05:56,392 --> 00:06:00,547
Your uncle Charlie is a professional
musician, and your mom and dad...

103
00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:02,943
Suck?

104
00:06:05,821 --> 00:06:08,216
Good a word as any.

105
00:06:10,041 --> 00:06:12,278
I think they're gonna get back together.

106
00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:13,492
-You do?
-Yep.

107
00:06:13,493 --> 00:06:15,954
Except if my Dad moves back
to Mom's house,

108
00:06:15,955 --> 00:06:17,743
I probably wouldn't see you anymore.

109
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:21,516
Of course you'd see me. You'd still have
your room here, and I'd come visit.

110
00:06:21,517 --> 00:06:25,096
-You never visited before.
-That's 'cause I didn't know you before.

111
00:06:25,097 --> 00:06:27,884
That's 'cause you never visited.

112
00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:30,687
Gin.

113
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:34,844
To tell you the truth, Jake,
I don't think this is gonna be an issue.

114
00:06:34,845 --> 00:06:37,050
You don't think they're gonna
get back together?

115
00:06:37,051 --> 00:06:39,657
-I didn't say that.
-Do you?

116
00:06:39,736 --> 00:06:41,716
-Hey, what do I know?
-I think they are.

117
00:06:41,717 --> 00:06:44,332
Robert Fulton, Eli Whitney

118
00:06:44,402 --> 00:06:46,821
Robert Fulton, Eli Whitney

119
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:50,469
All aboard for Henry Ford

120
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:55,748
Henry Ford

121
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,836
And then...

122
00:06:56,837 --> 00:06:59,548
Careful what you wish for, pal.

123
00:07:02,398 --> 00:07:06,124
Charlie, we're gonna be late for rehearsal.

124
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:11,794
-What are you doing?
-Making margaritas.

125
00:07:11,795 --> 00:07:14,128
But we've got a rehearsal at Jake's school.

126
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:16,581
Don't worry, I have a plan.

127
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:21,128
Charlie, you're taking liquor
to Jake's school?

128
00:07:21,129 --> 00:07:23,270
You betcha.

129
00:07:23,271 --> 00:07:28,160
I'm not gonna face all those pre-pubers
without a snootful.

130
00:07:28,161 --> 00:07:31,293
They'll have limes
in the teacher's lounge, right?

131
00:07:31,294 --> 00:07:35,032
No. There's no limes,
there's no swizzle sticks, there's...

132
00:07:35,033 --> 00:07:37,428
-Oh, God.
-What?

133
00:07:37,846 --> 00:07:39,763
It's from Judith's lawyers.

134
00:07:39,764 --> 00:07:42,159
Really? Good news?

135
00:07:43,408 --> 00:07:47,722
No, it's not good news.
Judith filed for divorce.

136
00:07:47,723 --> 00:07:50,141
Man. I'm sorry.

137
00:07:51,048 --> 00:07:53,412
What am I gonna do?

138
00:07:53,413 --> 00:07:56,129
There's a lot of ways to respond
to something like this.

139
00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:58,525
Anger, grief, denial.

140
00:07:59,006 --> 00:08:00,795
What would you do?

141
00:08:00,796 --> 00:08:06,706
I'd probably blow off rehearsal
and start chugging from the blender.

142
00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:11,225
But I wouldn't recommend that
for an amateur.

143
00:08:13,582 --> 00:08:16,042
I can't believe she blind-sided me like this.

144
00:08:16,043 --> 00:08:18,983
Being so nice and friendly to my face.

145
00:08:18,984 --> 00:08:21,860
Meanwhile her lawyers were working
behind my face.

146
00:08:21,860 --> 00:08:23,457
Let me tell you something, Charlie.

147
00:08:23,458 --> 00:08:26,271
A woman who would do such a thing
cannot be trusted.

148
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:29,403
Yeah, well, maybe you can use
this divorce as a chance to

149
00:08:29,404 --> 00:08:32,152
take a little break from each other.

150
00:08:32,153 --> 00:08:35,604
No, that would be playing
right into her hands.

151
00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:39,536
Alan, your kid's confused enough about
you and his mother. Don't make it worse.

152
00:08:39,537 --> 00:08:42,957
How could I possibly make it any worse?

153
00:08:43,660 --> 00:08:45,577
Let's find out.

154
00:08:45,578 --> 00:08:48,901
Okay, everybody, what we're gonna do
is put the girls on one side

155
00:08:48,902 --> 00:08:50,500
-and the boys on the other.
-Sure.

156
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:54,494
Start splitting them up early.
That's your answer for everything, isn't it?

157
00:08:54,495 --> 00:08:55,742
Excuse me?

158
00:08:55,743 --> 00:09:01,098
Would Mrs. Plaintiff please see
Mr. Respondent in the hallway?

159
00:09:02,455 --> 00:09:05,645
Watch the kids, we'll be right back.

160
00:09:05,971 --> 00:09:08,366
Wait!

161
00:09:12,172 --> 00:09:14,566
Jake? Where's Jake?

162
00:09:26,843 --> 00:09:29,295
Okay. Everybody take five.

163
00:09:31,127 --> 00:09:33,522
That means sit down.

164
00:09:35,985 --> 00:09:38,379
Stand up.

165
00:09:39,533 --> 00:09:41,928
Hop up and down.

166
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,795
Right on.

167
00:09:46,309 --> 00:09:49,281
But why file for divorce?
We were getting along so well.

168
00:09:49,282 --> 00:09:51,902
We've been getting along
because I don't feel trapped,

169
00:09:51,903 --> 00:09:53,980
suffocated and depressed anymore.

170
00:09:53,981 --> 00:09:58,445
Sure, kick me out,
then work on improving yourself.

171
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:04,023
Okay. Everybody flap your arms
like a chicken.

172
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:12,305
Alan, check it out.
I got this amazing power.

173
00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:15,554
Stop.

174
00:10:17,411 --> 00:10:20,524
It's like having my own robot army.

175
00:10:24,570 --> 00:10:27,205
No, wait, where are you going?

176
00:10:29,717 --> 00:10:32,784
-Are we gonna do our songs?
-Hey, I'm just the piano player.

177
00:10:32,785 --> 00:10:35,532
Lerner and Lowe are out in the hallway
working things out.

178
00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,866
-Who?
-Lerner and Lowe?

179
00:10:37,867 --> 00:10:40,262
My Fair Lady? Camelot?

180
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:43,567
Aren't there any gay kids here?

181
00:10:46,657 --> 00:10:49,853
-They're fighting again, aren't they?
-Yeah, what can I tell you.

182
00:10:49,854 --> 00:10:52,601
Your Mom lawyered up
and your Dad is freaking out.

183
00:10:52,602 --> 00:10:55,095
Stay cool, I'll try to get them back in here.

184
00:10:55,096 --> 00:10:59,914
Hey, everybody, Jake's in charge.
So, whatever he says.

185
00:11:02,639 --> 00:11:05,221
Okay, it's been fun.

186
00:11:05,324 --> 00:11:08,296
But I'm officially resigning
as the Mayor of Booger Town.

187
00:11:08,297 --> 00:11:09,990
Not now, Charlie.

188
00:11:09,991 --> 00:11:13,250
You know, I have tried everything I can
to make you happy.

189
00:11:13,251 --> 00:11:17,086
I don't want to rush you or anything,
but have you ever read Lord of the Flies?

190
00:11:17,087 --> 00:11:19,324
But you know what? You know what?
I'm through.

191
00:11:19,325 --> 00:11:21,657
Maybe your lawyers can make you happy.

192
00:11:21,658 --> 00:11:24,264
Your brother's a horse's ass.

193
00:11:24,598 --> 00:11:29,040
Hey, let's not lose sight of who
the real victim of this divorce is.

194
00:11:29,041 --> 00:11:31,436
Me!

195
00:11:40,677 --> 00:11:44,767
Okay, I think we should all calm down
just a little.

196
00:11:44,768 --> 00:11:48,666
You're not our teacher.
Why should we listen to you?

197
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,840
Okay, let me put it another way.

198
00:11:50,841 --> 00:11:53,235
Shut up and sit down!

199
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,502
Thanks.

200
00:11:59,503 --> 00:12:02,507
Now, listen, rehearsal's over.
You can all go home.

201
00:12:02,508 --> 00:12:04,456
What about our play?

202
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,045
You know how they say,
"The show must go on"?

203
00:12:07,046 --> 00:12:10,265
They weren't talking about this show.

204
00:12:10,755 --> 00:12:13,949
-Your uncle's so lame.
-ls not. He's cool.

205
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:15,676
-Yeah, right.
-He is.

206
00:12:15,677 --> 00:12:18,073
He's almost famous.
He wrote the Maple Loops song.

207
00:12:18,074 --> 00:12:20,469
-Did not.
-Did, too!

208
00:12:21,622 --> 00:12:25,616
-Prove it.
-You see that Jaguar in the parking lot?

209
00:12:25,617 --> 00:12:27,950
Maple Loops.

210
00:12:27,951 --> 00:12:30,384
That doesn't prove anything.

211
00:12:31,659 --> 00:12:34,054
Fine.

212
00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:40,442
It's got oats and corns and wheat

213
00:12:40,544 --> 00:12:45,133
It's the sweetest breakfast treat
It's maple-licious

214
00:12:47,737 --> 00:12:51,443
-Everybody knows that?
-Of course. It's the Maple Loops song.

215
00:12:51,444 --> 00:12:56,167
-Uncle Charlie, do Fudge Nuggets.
-Yeah! Fudge Nuggets!

216
00:12:56,718 --> 00:12:59,585
From the magic chocolate mountain

217
00:12:59,659 --> 00:13:01,895
In a secret chocolate mine

218
00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:04,069
Come granny's big fudge nuggets

219
00:13:04,070 --> 00:13:08,222
With a taste that's oh so fine

220
00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:15,852
What do you know.
Maybe I don't hate kids.

221
00:13:25,294 --> 00:13:26,571
Hi.

222
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:29,481
I'm sorry I didn't give you
a heads up about the divorce papers.

223
00:13:29,482 --> 00:13:31,079
I'm sorry if I overreacted.

224
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,474
Just the girls.

225
00:13:35,363 --> 00:13:39,108
-What's going on in there?
-I don't know.

226
00:13:39,198 --> 00:13:41,435
Smell like a man

227
00:13:41,436 --> 00:13:43,577
Stick, pump or can

228
00:13:43,578 --> 00:13:46,444
With Dry Guy Deodorant

229
00:13:46,551 --> 00:13:48,946
Only the girls get sweaty

230
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,284
We're getting there.

231
00:13:54,285 --> 00:13:55,851
Okay, thank you, Charlie.

232
00:13:55,851 --> 00:13:57,768
Yeah, we'll take it from here, okay?

233
00:13:57,769 --> 00:14:00,164
Too late. You're out.

234
00:14:00,231 --> 00:14:01,924
What about the songs we wrote?

235
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:04,545
Hey, kids, what do you think about
the songs they wrote?

236
00:14:04,546 --> 00:14:06,941
They're bad.

237
00:14:11,034 --> 00:14:13,429
These are my people.

238
00:14:13,784 --> 00:14:18,769
What do your jingles have to do
with the lndustrial Revolution?

239
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:21,167
Look, you wanted a show,
I'm giving you a show.

240
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:23,850
Now step back and let us work.

241
00:14:24,044 --> 00:14:28,451
Plumber in a Jar.
Let's really sell it this time.

242
00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:32,635
When your sink backs up
there's just one star

243
00:14:32,675 --> 00:14:35,230
It's the one you trust
It's Plumber in a Jar

244
00:14:35,231 --> 00:14:37,626
Plumber in a Jar

245
00:14:47,218 --> 00:14:49,613
Hey, what you doing?

246
00:14:50,031 --> 00:14:54,409
I'm trying to find some plausible
connection between my jingles

247
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and the lndustrial Revolution.

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-What's up?
-I just talked to my dad.

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He said that he and Mom
aren't getting back together again.

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Yeah.

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-How you doing with that?
-I'm not sure.

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I like that I get to stay here on weekends.

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That's cool. I like that, too.

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00:15:13,971 --> 00:15:16,528
But you gotta be sad about your folks,
though, right?

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00:15:16,529 --> 00:15:18,924
No, I'm okay.

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00:15:19,662 --> 00:15:23,608
Jake, it's okay to feel sad, I've been told.

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-And this is a sad thing.
-My dad's not sad.

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Of course he is.
He's just trying to protect you.

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-From what?
-From being sad.

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Yeah, I know it's a vicious circle.
But the liquor industry is built on it.

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-What?
-It's not important.

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All you need to know is that
we all feel sad sometimes and it's okay.

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-Understand?
-Yeah.

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Hey, buddy.

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It's okay, Dad.

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Before the lndustrial Revolution,
we lived in an agrarian society.

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Most people grew their own food and
ate what they grew. Breakfast involved...

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...slaughtering animals...

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...and milking cows.

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It would be hundreds of years
before people could enjoy

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a pre-packaged and nutritious breakfast.
And what's in that breakfast?

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It's got oats and corns and wheat

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It's the sweetest breakfast treat

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It's maple-licious

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As urbanization led to stress and
loneliness, industrial society looked

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to an ancient agrarian product for
a delicious and refreshing solution.

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The girls look prettier
with Hammerstein beer

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You like what you see
and you like what you hear

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00:16:52,165 --> 00:16:54,753
Have a cold frosty mug and pull her near

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The girls look prettier

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The girls look prettier
with Hammerstein beer

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We're not letting him
anywhere near the Christmas pageant.

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Agreed.

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Even with the advent of indoor plumbing,

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the lndustrial Revolution
still had some bugs in the system.

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What was man to do?

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Three, four...

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Ifyour home is bug infested

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Filled with spiders, flies, and gnats

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All our sprays are safety tested

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We kill vermin, not your cats