1
00:00:02,390 --> 00:00:04,145
Here, try this.

2
00:00:04,146 --> 00:00:06,548
-What is it?
-Just try it.

3
00:00:06,860 --> 00:00:08,009
Hey, that's good.

4
00:00:08,010 --> 00:00:10,213
Of course it is.
It's chicken in frumunda sauce.

5
00:00:10,214 --> 00:00:11,331
Frumunda sauce?

6
00:00:11,332 --> 00:00:13,762
Yeah, from unda' the toilet.

7
00:00:15,706 --> 00:00:16,950
Get it, Dad?

8
00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:20,718
Yeah, I get it. I got it 30 years ago,
the first time he said it.

9
00:00:20,719 --> 00:00:23,112
Yeah, but it's new to him.

10
00:00:23,146 --> 00:00:24,743
Check this out. Hey, Jake?

11
00:00:24,744 --> 00:00:27,904
What do you call the red mushy stuff
between the elephant's toes?

12
00:00:27,905 --> 00:00:30,364
-What?
-Slow-moving natives.

13
00:00:30,491 --> 00:00:32,949
I love this kid. He's a comedy blank slate.

14
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:36,110
I'm glad you do, but you might not
want to share your chopsticks with him.

15
00:00:36,111 --> 00:00:38,984
-I think he's coming down with something.
-Oh, no.

16
00:00:38,985 --> 00:00:42,698
He thinks it's a head cold but it's snot.

17
00:00:42,753 --> 00:00:45,052
Wait a minute,
you don't know that one, either?

18
00:00:45,053 --> 00:00:48,623
I have so much to teach you, grasshopper.

19
00:00:48,693 --> 00:00:50,576
Do you know how to make arm farts?

20
00:00:50,577 --> 00:00:53,438
Charlie? Not at the dinner table.

21
00:00:53,483 --> 00:00:55,206
I'll show you later.

22
00:00:55,207 --> 00:00:57,473
Before I forget,
you got plans for tomorrow night?

23
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,582
-No.
-Make some.

24
00:00:59,582 --> 00:01:02,583
-I'm gonna need the house to myself.
-Fine.

25
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,276
Don't you want to know why?

26
00:01:04,277 --> 00:01:07,468
Jake, if you're done, you can go
to your room and start your homework.

27
00:01:07,469 --> 00:01:09,862
This is about sex, right?

28
00:01:10,408 --> 00:01:11,652
Kids today, huh?

29
00:01:11,653 --> 00:01:15,292
Doesn't know frumunda sauce
but gets why I need the house.

30
00:01:15,293 --> 00:01:18,198
I got a bunch of jokes
you're gonna love in a year or two.

31
00:01:18,199 --> 00:01:20,746
-Cool!
-Go.

32
00:01:20,817 --> 00:01:24,301
You think I'm just a kid but I'm snot.

33
00:01:25,288 --> 00:01:27,681
Wait, that's not right.

34
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,561
Okay, have you ever had revenge sex?

35
00:01:32,633 --> 00:01:35,820
Hang on. Jake, are you in your room?

36
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,433
Yeah!

37
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:42,467
Revenge sex.
Is that anything like pity sex?

38
00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:44,512
Whole different animal.

39
00:01:44,512 --> 00:01:46,139
Let me break it down for you.

40
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,407
There's this woman, Kathy,
who lives up the beach.

41
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:51,792
Beautiful woman, I've wanted her
for years. Only one problem.

42
00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:54,250
She's married to kind of a friend of mine.

43
00:01:54,251 --> 00:01:55,464
Kind of a friend?

44
00:01:55,465 --> 00:01:58,338
Well, I never really liked him,
but he had a hot wife.

45
00:01:58,339 --> 00:02:01,052
So, the sanctity of marriage
does slow you down a bit.

46
00:02:01,053 --> 00:02:03,128
-I'm impressed.
-Thank you.

47
00:02:03,129 --> 00:02:04,629
But then I catch a break.

48
00:02:04,630 --> 00:02:06,290
He cheats on her with her best friend.

49
00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:09,451
She throws him out. So now I'm thinking
she is gonna want justice.

50
00:02:09,452 --> 00:02:11,622
Justice meaning revenge sex with you?

51
00:02:11,623 --> 00:02:13,634
You see it, too, huh?

52
00:02:13,635 --> 00:02:17,689
You're gonna exploit someone's anger
and grief for your own animal gratification.

53
00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:21,030
Hey, I don't bitch about your hobbies.

54
00:02:21,203 --> 00:02:24,619
She's coming over here on Sunday,
so I want you to be out of the way,

55
00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:27,142
because we'll probably be moving
from room to room.

56
00:02:27,143 --> 00:02:30,047
I'll catch a movie.
Just mop up when you're done.

57
00:02:30,048 --> 00:02:31,134
You got it.

58
00:02:31,135 --> 00:02:34,199
Don't take things off his plate.
He's coming down with something.

59
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,593
Relax. I never get sick.

60
00:02:37,105 --> 00:02:39,653
Boy, is he sick.

61
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,680
Well, I can't say he didn't warn me.

62
00:02:57,128 --> 00:02:58,340
How you feeling?

63
00:02:58,341 --> 00:03:00,734
Horrible.

64
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:03,768
-ls that tea?
-Yeah.

65
00:03:11,434 --> 00:03:14,115
I know I said I wanted you
out of the house for my date tonight,

66
00:03:14,116 --> 00:03:16,830
but you're obviously indisposed,
so don't worry about it.

67
00:03:16,831 --> 00:03:17,947
Thank you.

68
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:21,907
Just stay in your room so the coughing
and hacking doesn't kill the mood.

69
00:03:21,908 --> 00:03:25,292
Anything else I can do
to enhance your evening?

70
00:03:25,293 --> 00:03:28,863
Well, you know how to
work my camcorder?

71
00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:32,605
I'm bored. What are we gonna do today?

72
00:03:32,606 --> 00:03:35,830
I don't know. Why don't we make
some lunch and figure something out?

73
00:03:35,831 --> 00:03:37,427
-Cool.
-Excuse me?

74
00:03:37,427 --> 00:03:40,077
Hasn't anybody noticed
I'm sick and miserable here?

75
00:03:40,078 --> 00:03:41,993
Yes, Alan, we noticed.

76
00:03:41,994 --> 00:03:44,388
Which is why we're gonna make
like hockey players

77
00:03:44,389 --> 00:03:46,336
and get the puck out of here.

78
00:03:46,337 --> 00:03:50,263
Get it, Dad? Puck's not a bad word,
but it sounds like one.

79
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,116
Yeah, hilarious.

80
00:03:52,117 --> 00:03:55,564
Hey, Uncle Charlie, let's make like
soccer players and get our big

81
00:03:55,565 --> 00:03:57,958
Ieather balls out of here.

82
00:03:58,632 --> 00:03:59,780
Good one.

83
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:02,621
You know, I caught this from you.
How come you're not sick?

84
00:04:02,622 --> 00:04:05,015
I am. See?

85
00:04:06,136 --> 00:04:09,370
He's just not being a baby about it.

86
00:04:10,382 --> 00:04:12,775
-Hi.
-Perfect.

87
00:04:14,789 --> 00:04:18,525
Rose, this isn't the best time.
Alan's pretty sick.

88
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,918
Oh, no!

89
00:04:21,144 --> 00:04:25,135
Poor Alan.
Is Charlie taking good care of you?

90
00:04:25,136 --> 00:04:27,466
Not really.

91
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,445
Would you like me to take care of you?

92
00:04:29,446 --> 00:04:31,457
Not really.

93
00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:33,851
Don't be silly. Move over.

94
00:04:33,885 --> 00:04:36,726
Rose, what are you doing?

95
00:04:39,122 --> 00:04:43,859
I'm transmitting healing energy
from my body to yours.

96
00:04:47,744 --> 00:04:51,639
Looks like you're in good hands.
Come on, Jake.

97
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,651
I don't think that's gonna help him.

98
00:04:53,652 --> 00:04:56,044
No, but it helps us.

99
00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:02,017
Is he gonna be able to take me
back to Mom's later?

100
00:05:02,018 --> 00:05:04,955
Don't worry. If he can't, I will.

101
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:08,149
Hey, how can you tell if an elephant's
been in your refrigerator?

102
00:05:08,150 --> 00:05:11,438
-How?
-There's footprints in the cheesecake.

103
00:05:11,439 --> 00:05:13,992
But we don't have a cheesecake.

104
00:05:13,993 --> 00:05:16,721
That's the part you don't buy?

105
00:05:20,986 --> 00:05:23,695
Do you feel the healing energy?

106
00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:26,815
If I say yes, will you get off me?

107
00:05:29,226 --> 00:05:31,618
-Hello?
-Mom?

108
00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:35,132
For God's sake, Alan, I sit on that couch.

109
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:36,569
Mom, I'm sick.

110
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:40,723
We're all sick, darling,
but we use discretion.

111
00:05:40,913 --> 00:05:43,315
No, he has the flu, Evelyn.

112
00:05:43,978 --> 00:05:47,672
You poor baby.
What can Mommy do for you?

113
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:49,661
It's okay. I'll manage.

114
00:05:49,662 --> 00:05:52,184
Don't be ridiculous.
Now what do you need?

115
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,122
I don't know. I am kind of thirsty.

116
00:05:55,123 --> 00:05:58,954
Well, then,
you should be drinking lots of fluids.

117
00:05:58,955 --> 00:06:00,743
Okay.

118
00:06:00,744 --> 00:06:05,660
Would you like a nice hot bowl
of my special chicken noodle soup?

119
00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:07,065
That would be nice.

120
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:10,770
Rose, call Greenblatt's
and have them send over some soup.

121
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:14,857
As a matter of fact, I'm famished.
Order me...

122
00:06:14,858 --> 00:06:18,752
Order me a turkey on rye
with maybe a little Swiss.

123
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:23,064
On second thought, delivery takes forever.
Would you care to join me for lunch?

124
00:06:23,065 --> 00:06:25,580
Well, what about Alan?

125
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:28,429
We'll have something sent back for him.

126
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,483
Okay.

127
00:06:29,483 --> 00:06:31,526
So, what's Charlie been up to?

128
00:06:31,527 --> 00:06:33,857
Well, what do you know about
revenge sex?

129
00:06:33,858 --> 00:06:36,251
Quite a bit, actually.

130
00:06:39,606 --> 00:06:41,999
I'm still thirsty.

131
00:07:01,289 --> 00:07:03,739
Hey. Looking good.

132
00:07:14,221 --> 00:07:17,956
That's not very hygienic.
We wash dishes in that sink.

133
00:07:17,957 --> 00:07:20,350
Well, somebody does.

134
00:07:20,672 --> 00:07:26,471
Did the chicken soup Mom sent over
from Greenblatt's ever show up?

135
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,643
Nope.

136
00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:34,818
Well, I'm glad you got some rest,
because I have got great news.

137
00:07:34,818 --> 00:07:36,989
There is no great news.

138
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,703
There's no light at the end of the tunnel.

139
00:07:39,704 --> 00:07:42,097
There is no silver lining.

140
00:07:42,099 --> 00:07:45,008
There is just this hell on earth.

141
00:07:45,069 --> 00:07:49,566
And the slow wait
for the sweet release of death.

142
00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:55,221
Okay. Let's call it good news.

143
00:07:56,437 --> 00:08:02,131
The girl I'm going out with tonight
needs a date for her sister.

144
00:08:03,174 --> 00:08:05,249
Are you insane?

145
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:09,318
No, but I hear the sister's a bit of a freak.

146
00:08:09,338 --> 00:08:11,637
Jake? Jake, go to your room.

147
00:08:11,638 --> 00:08:16,075
If you want to talk about sex,
why don't you go to your room?

148
00:08:16,076 --> 00:08:17,959
-Now!
-Fine.

149
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,217
First of all, I don't want to talk
about dating in front of my son

150
00:08:21,218 --> 00:08:23,739
while his mother and l
are in the middle of a divorce.

151
00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:26,805
Okay. That's very caring and sensitive.

152
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:31,690
Now let me tell you about
Revenge Sex's little sister, Casual.

153
00:08:31,691 --> 00:08:36,065
Alright, even if I weren't deathly ill,
which I am,

154
00:08:36,066 --> 00:08:38,779
I wouldn't go on a blind double date
with you.

155
00:08:38,780 --> 00:08:41,717
-Why not?
-Summer of my junior year?

156
00:08:41,718 --> 00:08:44,080
The Seals and Crofts concert?

157
00:08:44,081 --> 00:08:50,723
You got the incredible cheerleader
and I got her sister, The lncredible Hulk?

158
00:08:51,681 --> 00:08:53,373
She really took a shine to you.

159
00:08:53,374 --> 00:08:56,302
Sure did. "Sarah like puny Alan."

160
00:08:56,695 --> 00:08:59,632
You weren't complaining
when you were on her shoulders

161
00:08:59,633 --> 00:09:02,026
shouting Summer Breeze!

162
00:09:02,219 --> 00:09:04,231
Forget it, Charlie, forget it.

163
00:09:04,232 --> 00:09:08,094
Alan, trust me. I've seen the sister.
Her name is Desiree.

164
00:09:08,095 --> 00:09:09,659
I don't care what her name is.

165
00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:14,799
Desiree, Alan. That's like desire
with a "yay" at the end.

166
00:09:15,152 --> 00:09:18,153
-She's an actress on some soap opera.
-Really, which one?

167
00:09:18,154 --> 00:09:21,027
I don't know.
The Bold and the Bulimic, or something.

168
00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:22,400
Are you guys done yet?

169
00:09:22,401 --> 00:09:23,518
Yeah, we're done.

170
00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:25,753
Now we're gonna get your father
back on his feet.

171
00:09:25,754 --> 00:09:27,126
How?

172
00:09:27,127 --> 00:09:28,372
Well,

173
00:09:28,373 --> 00:09:30,702
would you like to go see a bunch
of naked boobs?

174
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:33,096
-Sure!
-Charlie!

175
00:09:36,739 --> 00:09:40,031
This was a dirty trick, Uncle Charlie.

176
00:09:49,576 --> 00:09:52,380
So we just sit here and be hot?

177
00:09:53,983 --> 00:09:55,483
Yep.

178
00:09:55,484 --> 00:09:57,876
This sucks.

179
00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:07,138
That's good. Get it out now,
because most women hate that noise.

180
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:09,374
I'm not going on a date, Charlie.

181
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:10,779
You don't know that.

182
00:10:10,780 --> 00:10:14,196
I didn't start this day thinking we'd all be
sitting bare-ass naked,

183
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,589
but here we are.

184
00:10:16,879 --> 00:10:19,560
Hey, Dad, want to hear a funny joke?

185
00:10:19,561 --> 00:10:20,742
Sure, why not?

186
00:10:20,743 --> 00:10:23,296
Okay, there's a priest,
a minister, and a rabbit.

187
00:10:23,297 --> 00:10:25,660
It's a rabbi, Jake.

188
00:10:25,661 --> 00:10:27,224
Oh, yeah. Okay.

189
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:30,211
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi.

190
00:10:30,323 --> 00:10:33,611
I forgot the rest.
I gotta go to the bathroom.

191
00:10:33,612 --> 00:10:34,760
Wait.

192
00:10:34,761 --> 00:10:37,507
You know why they call this
a European health spa?

193
00:10:37,508 --> 00:10:39,901
Because you're a-peein'.

194
00:10:41,436 --> 00:10:43,893
He's gonna kill at school tomorrow.

195
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:46,384
Charlie, I'm not going on a date.

196
00:10:46,385 --> 00:10:48,300
Oh, come on, Alan.

197
00:10:48,301 --> 00:10:51,238
If you don't do this, then I'm not
gonna get the revenge sex.

198
00:10:51,239 --> 00:10:55,038
And I really want the revenge sex.
I really do.

199
00:10:55,039 --> 00:10:58,327
I'm sorry.
It's not that I don't appreciate you,

200
00:10:58,328 --> 00:11:00,754
pimping me out on my deathbed.

201
00:11:00,755 --> 00:11:04,075
It's just that I'm not ready to date.

202
00:11:04,076 --> 00:11:05,256
Not ready?

203
00:11:05,257 --> 00:11:09,057
If you think you're protecting Jake
by living like a monk, you're wrong.

204
00:11:09,058 --> 00:11:12,856
He needs to know that his father's
moving on with his life, that he's happy.

205
00:11:12,857 --> 00:11:16,465
It's not about Jake.
I haven't been on a date since college.

206
00:11:16,466 --> 00:11:18,955
There's nothing to worry about.
Just be yourself.

207
00:11:18,956 --> 00:11:23,171
The one woman who knows me better
than anyone in the world threw me out.

208
00:11:23,172 --> 00:11:27,508
So "be yourself"
is not exactly comforting advice.

209
00:11:27,802 --> 00:11:30,195
Good point.

210
00:11:30,963 --> 00:11:33,134
Okay, look at it this way.

211
00:11:33,135 --> 00:11:35,721
It took your wife 12 years
to get sick of you.

212
00:11:35,722 --> 00:11:40,224
All we gotta do here
is snow some broad for one night.

213
00:11:40,225 --> 00:11:44,780
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi
walk into a barn.

214
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,695
It's a bar, Jake. Not a barn. A bar.

215
00:11:47,696 --> 00:11:49,675
It is?

216
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,126
Now I get it. That's funny.

217
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:04,174
Okay, I dropped Jake off at his mom's,

218
00:12:04,174 --> 00:12:07,175
and the girls should be here
in a little while for drinks.

219
00:12:07,176 --> 00:12:09,059
Is this the sister?

220
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:11,678
Desiree Barrington from
The Young and the Restless?

221
00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:12,795
Yeah.

222
00:12:12,796 --> 00:12:17,428
You want me to go on a date
with Desiree Barrington?

223
00:12:17,714 --> 00:12:20,106
Yeah.

224
00:12:24,420 --> 00:12:26,814
I'm healed. It's a miracle.

225
00:12:26,815 --> 00:12:29,208
Attaboy.

226
00:12:31,190 --> 00:12:32,594
Are you okay?

227
00:12:32,595 --> 00:12:33,807
Yeah. Why?

228
00:12:33,808 --> 00:12:37,177
Well, you're coughing, you're sweating.

229
00:12:38,151 --> 00:12:40,066
Charlie, you're burning up.

230
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:42,460
No, your hand is freezing.

231
00:12:43,548 --> 00:12:46,453
I think you're coming down
with what I've got.

232
00:12:46,453 --> 00:12:49,646
Don't be ridiculous. I never get sick.

233
00:12:49,647 --> 00:12:52,712
Now, listen, I made reservations
at the lvy.

234
00:12:52,712 --> 00:12:58,053
I figure we'll take them out
for an early dinner and then...

235
00:13:01,526 --> 00:13:03,856
And then what?

236
00:13:03,857 --> 00:13:06,250
Hang on a second.

237
00:13:25,923 --> 00:13:29,186
Anyway, we'll take them to the lvy...

238
00:13:38,536 --> 00:13:41,599
Here. This'll make you feel better.

239
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,837
Thanks.

240
00:13:46,935 --> 00:13:48,115
Okay.

241
00:13:48,116 --> 00:13:50,606
Why don't you go upstairs and change

242
00:13:50,607 --> 00:13:53,959
because we really want to look our best
for our dates.

243
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,833
What are you talking about?
I'm not going on a date.

244
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:58,462
Yeah, you are.

245
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,920
Come on, Charlie. Desiree Barrington.

246
00:14:00,921 --> 00:14:03,659
Nominated for two Daytime Emmys.

247
00:14:03,731 --> 00:14:07,084
Named "Most Promising lngénue"
by Soap Opera Digest.

248
00:14:07,085 --> 00:14:11,143
She totally revitalized
Young and the Restless.

249
00:14:11,204 --> 00:14:16,312
Occasionally I have lunch at my desk
and watch a little TV.

250
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,706
Tell Jake I loved him.

251
00:14:19,507 --> 00:14:22,699
Please, Charlie.
I was gonna suck it up for you.

252
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,710
No, you weren't.

253
00:14:24,711 --> 00:14:27,104
Okay, you got me.

254
00:14:27,171 --> 00:14:30,231
Look, you helped me feel better,

255
00:14:30,301 --> 00:14:32,056
and now I'll help you.

256
00:14:32,057 --> 00:14:33,780
You want to help me, Alan?

257
00:14:33,781 --> 00:14:36,939
Find a gun and shoot me in the eye.

258
00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:40,933
No, I was thinking I could give you
a chiropractic adjustment.

259
00:14:40,934 --> 00:14:44,510
You could also do my hair,
but what would be the point?

260
00:14:44,511 --> 00:14:47,543
Chiropractics
is not just about back ailments.

261
00:14:47,544 --> 00:14:50,545
It's a holistic approach
to wellness that includes

262
00:14:50,546 --> 00:14:52,972
unblocking pathways
in the nervous system

263
00:14:52,973 --> 00:14:55,882
so that the body can heal itself.

264
00:14:59,327 --> 00:15:02,005
Excuse me? What is...

265
00:15:03,191 --> 00:15:06,254
Alan. I never told you this before,

266
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:10,513
but I guess now is as good a time as any.

267
00:15:11,175 --> 00:15:15,701
I think what you do for a living
is a total crock.

268
00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:18,806
What?

269
00:15:18,807 --> 00:15:20,530
Don't take it personally.

270
00:15:20,531 --> 00:15:22,574
But you chiropractor guys are just

271
00:15:22,575 --> 00:15:26,279
masseuses without the happy endings,
right?

272
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,673
You think I'm some kind of phony?

273
00:15:28,674 --> 00:15:31,611
That my profession is some kind of con?

274
00:15:31,612 --> 00:15:33,048
Well, let's be honest.

275
00:15:33,049 --> 00:15:36,816
You only became a chiropractor because
you couldn't get into medical school.

276
00:15:36,816 --> 00:15:38,796
I got into medical school!

277
00:15:38,797 --> 00:15:42,852
I just didn't want to spend four years
in Guadalajara.

278
00:15:42,853 --> 00:15:47,513
So instead you spent, what,
two weeks at Back Snapper U?

279
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,462
It was two years.

280
00:15:49,463 --> 00:15:50,834
And since we're being honest,

281
00:15:50,835 --> 00:15:55,082
Iet me tell you about what I think about
what you do, Mr. Jingle Writer.

282
00:15:55,082 --> 00:15:59,360
You're not a musician, you're a salesman.
You know what you sell?

283
00:15:59,361 --> 00:16:01,372
Crap!

284
00:16:01,373 --> 00:16:04,246
Granny's Big Fudge Nuggets?
Maple Loops?

285
00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:08,398
Hey, Maple Loops is part of a nutritious,
balanced breakfast.

286
00:16:08,399 --> 00:16:12,134
Yeah, if you eat it with a steak
and some broccoli.

287
00:16:12,135 --> 00:16:15,423
And let me tell you another thing.
You had a shot at a real career.

288
00:16:15,424 --> 00:16:17,084
You could've played in great bands.

289
00:16:17,085 --> 00:16:19,255
You could've been a respected
studio musician.

290
00:16:19,256 --> 00:16:21,076
Don't you think I wanted that?

291
00:16:21,077 --> 00:16:23,555
I tried, Alan, and I failed.

292
00:16:23,727 --> 00:16:27,078
The truth is, if I hadn't started
writing jingles, I'd be playing

293
00:16:27,079 --> 00:16:31,290
faculty mixers
at the Guadalajara Medical School.

294
00:16:32,764 --> 00:16:36,562
Since you're being honest,
I guess I can admit,

295
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:39,779
I didn't really get into Guadalajara.

296
00:16:40,906 --> 00:16:45,184
I guess neither of us is doing exactly what
we dreamed about when we were kids.

297
00:16:45,185 --> 00:16:46,653
I guess not.

298
00:16:46,654 --> 00:16:48,985
But you know,
we could be doing a lot worse.

299
00:16:48,986 --> 00:16:51,378
Yes, we could.

300
00:16:52,084 --> 00:16:54,476
Excuse me.

301
00:17:13,478 --> 00:17:16,033
You know what's nice, though?

302
00:17:20,088 --> 00:17:22,481
This. Right now.

303
00:17:22,484 --> 00:17:25,612
Taking care of each other,
like we did when we were kids.

304
00:17:25,613 --> 00:17:29,029
Well, no one else was gonna
take care of us.

305
00:17:29,030 --> 00:17:31,513
-We were on our own.
-Yeah.

306
00:17:31,648 --> 00:17:34,051
Dad was gone and Mom was...

307
00:17:35,672 --> 00:17:38,064
What are you doing? Hey!

308
00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:43,270
How do you feel?

309
00:17:44,581 --> 00:17:46,973
Actually, a little better.

310
00:17:47,487 --> 00:17:51,159
Total crock, huh?
Lay down, I'll do your back.

311
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,256
-No, I'm fine, thanks.
-No, really, it'll help.

312
00:17:54,256 --> 00:17:57,034
I mean it, Alan.
Keep your hands away from me.

313
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,950
Come on, don't be such a baby.

314
00:17:58,951 --> 00:18:03,037
I'm not a baby.
I just don't like a man touching me.

315
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:05,273
I let you do it to me once,
that was enough.

316
00:18:05,274 --> 00:18:08,147
And you liked it. Now come on,
just let me finish the job,

317
00:18:08,148 --> 00:18:11,755
and you'll be ready
for when the women get here.

318
00:18:11,756 --> 00:18:14,148
-No.
-Just relax. Come on.

319
00:18:14,438 --> 00:18:16,831
Wait. Car doors.

320
00:18:16,961 --> 00:18:19,354
They're here.

321
00:18:21,943 --> 00:18:24,335
How do I look?

322
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,447
Good. Me?

323
00:18:29,448 --> 00:18:31,840
Very nice.

324
00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:40,462
Thank you.

325
00:19:00,135 --> 00:19:02,528
Was that the doorbell?

326
00:19:02,818 --> 00:19:05,850
Alan, relax. Chicks are always late.

327
00:19:05,851 --> 00:19:08,244
I guess.

328
00:19:09,619 --> 00:19:11,853
What about that?

329
00:19:11,854 --> 00:19:14,668
-What about what?
-The doorbell.

330
00:19:15,463 --> 00:19:19,067
Alan, relax. Chicks are always late.

331
00:19:19,902 --> 00:19:22,294
I guess.

332
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,765
Now, that was the doorbell.