1 00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:07,308 -Hey! There he is! High five! -Down low. Too slow. 2 00:00:07,315 --> 00:00:10,662 Come here, clown. Upside down. 3 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,014 -Hello, Charlie. -Judith, how's it going? 4 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:19,851 Hey, Uncle Charlie, show Mom how I mop the floor with my hair. 5 00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:22,793 Well, it's not really mopping. It's more like dusting. 6 00:00:22,794 --> 00:00:27,175 -What if you drop him on his head? -Then I guess I will have to mop. 7 00:00:27,176 --> 00:00:31,332 -Wonderful. Where's Alan? -He's in the kitchen. 8 00:00:31,333 --> 00:00:33,729 Walk this way. 9 00:00:37,697 --> 00:00:40,093 Master, 10 00:00:41,087 --> 00:00:44,615 your sexually ambivalent ex-wife is here. 11 00:00:45,214 --> 00:00:49,680 -I'm not ambivalent, I'm exploring. -Yes, mistress. 12 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:54,807 -Thanks for bringing Jake over. -Well, I wanted to give you this anyway. 13 00:00:54,808 --> 00:00:57,749 -What is it? -It's the bill from my divorce lawyer. 14 00:00:57,749 --> 00:01:01,235 -You haven't been paying them. -Told you they'd notice. 15 00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:03,985 I also need you to look this over and sign it. 16 00:01:03,986 --> 00:01:05,744 And what is this? 17 00:01:05,745 --> 00:01:09,326 My lawyer recommended I take out a bigger life-insurance policy on you 18 00:01:09,327 --> 00:01:13,836 in case you should die and can't pay the alimony and legal fees. 19 00:01:13,837 --> 00:01:15,274 Why don't you have him frozen? 20 00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:18,473 Then you can use him to keep your drinks cold, too. 21 00:01:18,474 --> 00:01:20,456 And who's supposed to pay for this policy? 22 00:01:20,457 --> 00:01:23,973 You are. And please, try to be on time with the premiums. 23 00:01:23,974 --> 00:01:28,355 Boy, my shallow, empty lifestyle is looking pretty good right about now. 24 00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:32,512 Okay, as long as we're on the subject of lawyers and death, 25 00:01:32,513 --> 00:01:36,030 my lawyer recommended that I redraft my will. And you know what? 26 00:01:36,031 --> 00:01:39,548 If I die after you die, guess who gets custody of Jake? 27 00:01:39,549 --> 00:01:42,743 -Charlie. -Charlie? 28 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,921 -Me? -What about my sister? 29 00:01:44,922 --> 00:01:48,887 -I never liked your sister. -ls this the sister I slept with? 30 00:01:48,888 --> 00:01:51,158 Shut up, Charlie. 31 00:01:51,159 --> 00:01:54,899 Alan, you can't be serious. He's immature, he drinks too much, 32 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,138 he sleeps around, he is completely irresponsible. 33 00:01:57,139 --> 00:02:00,880 Yeah, you should've thought of that before you threw me out. 34 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,319 Yeah. 35 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,389 All right. You're obviously angry and trying to get even with me, 36 00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:08,811 but I am not gonna take the bait. I will see you on Sunday. 37 00:02:08,812 --> 00:02:11,208 Bye-bye. 38 00:02:13,482 --> 00:02:15,719 -Hey, man. Thanks. -For what? 39 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:20,359 For trusting me to take care of Jake when you croak. 40 00:02:20,549 --> 00:02:23,874 I'm sorry. You didn't think I was serious, did you? 41 00:02:23,875 --> 00:02:26,816 I just said that to piss her off. 42 00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:31,255 Right. Good one. Hey! 43 00:02:41,337 --> 00:02:42,711 That's not fair! 44 00:02:42,712 --> 00:02:47,188 Why don't I get to keep the kid when you're dead? 45 00:02:47,189 --> 00:02:51,346 If I'm dead. And Judith would have to die before me for it to even be an issue. 46 00:02:51,347 --> 00:02:54,960 It's a contingency plan for a hypothetical worst-case scenario. 47 00:02:54,961 --> 00:02:57,966 I know it's a long shot, but I had the Marlins in the World Series. 48 00:02:57,967 --> 00:02:59,885 Don't tell me they don't come in. 49 00:02:59,886 --> 00:03:02,764 It never occurred to me that you'd want to be a full-time parent. 50 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,353 This isn't about what I want. This is about what you want, 51 00:03:05,354 --> 00:03:07,592 -and you don't want me to have Jake. -What? 52 00:03:07,593 --> 00:03:08,712 Nothing. 53 00:03:08,713 --> 00:03:10,246 Why'd you say my name? 54 00:03:10,247 --> 00:03:13,317 Get over yourself, no one said your name. 55 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,629 So what's wrong with me? 56 00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:17,666 Charlie, you're a great uncle. You're there for all the fun stuff. 57 00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:21,185 I don't think you're up to the hard work of being a full-time parent to Jake. 58 00:03:21,185 --> 00:03:22,304 -What? -Nothing. 59 00:03:22,305 --> 00:03:24,701 Nothing. 60 00:03:29,725 --> 00:03:32,057 So if not me, then who are you giving him to? 61 00:03:32,058 --> 00:03:36,311 I'm not giving him to anybody. He's not a 5-pound ham. 62 00:03:36,312 --> 00:03:39,510 You know what I mean. Who gets him in that scenario thing? 63 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:43,699 -Cousin Jerry and his wife Faye. -Jerry and Faye? Why Jerry and Faye? 64 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:47,760 They've got a good marriage, three kids, lots of dogs, a big backyard, 65 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,679 and they live in a great school district. 66 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,086 Yeah, but I'm your brother! 67 00:03:52,495 --> 00:03:54,445 -Charlie, it's not... -And I live right here. 68 00:03:54,446 --> 00:03:59,178 You wouldn't have to ship him off to Corn Hole, Kansas. 69 00:03:59,179 --> 00:04:01,575 Coventry, Rhode lsland. 70 00:04:02,089 --> 00:04:04,455 Who am I thinking of that lives in Kansas? 71 00:04:04,456 --> 00:04:07,216 I don't know, Dorothy and Toto? 72 00:04:08,773 --> 00:04:11,554 All right, Alan, let me ask you something. 73 00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:14,209 If I'm here, and Jake's in Rhode lsland, 74 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:16,640 who's gonna teach him all the things he needs to know? 75 00:04:16,641 --> 00:04:19,294 Jerry and Faye are both college professors. 76 00:04:19,295 --> 00:04:21,692 I'm talking about the important stuff. About life. 77 00:04:21,693 --> 00:04:23,163 Face it. When the time comes, 78 00:04:23,164 --> 00:04:28,388 are those two eggheads gonna step up and get your kid laid? 79 00:04:28,633 --> 00:04:33,910 -You're not helping your case, Charlie. -Fine, you've made your decision. 80 00:04:33,911 --> 00:04:36,276 Despite all I've been through with your son, 81 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:39,251 my nephew, obviously I have no say in the matter. 82 00:04:39,251 --> 00:04:40,402 Where are you going? 83 00:04:40,403 --> 00:04:43,344 Alan, quite frankly, I'm a little hurt and a little disappointed, 84 00:04:43,345 --> 00:04:45,519 so I'm gonna go make myself a big glass of vodka 85 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,821 and sit and think about things. 86 00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:51,715 Charlie, wait. Okay, how about this? 87 00:04:52,299 --> 00:04:55,657 If Judith dies and then I die, and then Jerry and Faye die, 88 00:04:55,658 --> 00:04:58,055 Jake will come and live with you. 89 00:04:58,056 --> 00:05:03,404 Yeah, like I'm gonna outlive Jerry and Faye the way I drink. 90 00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:08,289 -What do you say to Grandma? -Can I at least open it first? 91 00:05:08,290 --> 00:05:10,304 -Jake. -No, he's right. 92 00:05:10,305 --> 00:05:12,836 Wait and see if he likes it. 93 00:05:16,029 --> 00:05:20,434 -Now you can thank me. -Thank you. 94 00:05:21,371 --> 00:05:23,160 I'm kidding. 95 00:05:23,161 --> 00:05:26,775 No little boy wants a framed picture of his grandmommy. 96 00:05:26,776 --> 00:05:29,172 This is for your daddy. 97 00:05:30,293 --> 00:05:34,034 -What do you say, Dad? -Don't push me, Jake. 98 00:05:34,035 --> 00:05:36,369 That's my new photo for the Sunday real estate section. 99 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,991 I thought maybe you'd like a color print of it for your office. 100 00:05:38,992 --> 00:05:42,892 Gee, Mom, we've already got the one of you swimming with dolphins. 101 00:05:42,893 --> 00:05:45,547 So you didn't bring me anything? 102 00:05:45,548 --> 00:05:49,993 Is that all grandmommy is good for, to bring you gifts? 103 00:05:49,994 --> 00:05:54,148 Of course I brought you something. There. 104 00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:59,715 Crayons? I'm 10. 105 00:06:00,739 --> 00:06:03,073 Well, it's not just crayons, sweetheart. 106 00:06:03,074 --> 00:06:06,141 It's also a dinosaur coloring book. 107 00:06:07,231 --> 00:06:11,669 -But I'm 10. -You want to trade? 108 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,352 No, I'm good. 109 00:06:15,898 --> 00:06:20,106 -So, where's your brother? -Why? What'd he get? 110 00:06:20,983 --> 00:06:25,172 Nothing. I just want to make sure he knows why. 111 00:06:25,173 --> 00:06:27,442 He's in his room. He's been sulking all weekend. 112 00:06:27,443 --> 00:06:30,928 -Sulking? About what? -Well, it's the silliest thing. 113 00:06:30,929 --> 00:06:32,560 I just happened to mention 114 00:06:32,561 --> 00:06:35,854 that in the unlikely event that Judith should die, and I should die, 115 00:06:35,855 --> 00:06:38,922 that custody of Jake would go to... 116 00:06:43,722 --> 00:06:49,329 -Custody of Jake would go to who? -Actually, it would be "whom." 117 00:06:50,151 --> 00:06:55,508 -Alan, who gets Jake? -Now, see, that's grammatically correct. 118 00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:58,271 -Alan. -Jerry and Faye. 119 00:06:58,370 --> 00:07:00,766 Jerry and Faye who? 120 00:07:00,832 --> 00:07:05,401 -Your sister's son and his wife. -Them? 121 00:07:06,397 --> 00:07:09,178 You would bypass your own mother 122 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:13,262 in favor of two potato farmers on Long lsland? 123 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,438 They're agriculture professors in Rhode lsland. 124 00:07:16,439 --> 00:07:17,876 Really? 125 00:07:17,877 --> 00:07:20,819 Who am I thinking of who lives on Long lsland? 126 00:07:20,820 --> 00:07:22,866 I have no idea. 127 00:07:22,867 --> 00:07:27,247 -Well, regardless, I am deeply insulted. -Come on, Mom. 128 00:07:27,248 --> 00:07:30,094 This is only if Judith and I both die, and we're not dying. 129 00:07:30,095 --> 00:07:34,347 -At least, not before you. -Now you're wishing me dead. 130 00:07:34,348 --> 00:07:38,556 -No, Mom. No, it's... -Give me back my picture. 131 00:07:45,126 --> 00:07:49,728 No. Better you should look at it and feel shame. 132 00:08:01,596 --> 00:08:04,941 -Hey, want to play one-on-one? -Sure. 133 00:08:04,987 --> 00:08:07,383 Check it out. 134 00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:14,418 One, nothing. 135 00:08:16,115 --> 00:08:18,514 You know that Rhode lsland isn't really an island? 136 00:08:18,514 --> 00:08:20,968 That's just a flat-out lie. 137 00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:28,012 Two, nothing. 138 00:08:28,013 --> 00:08:30,954 Hey, I've got to run some errands, so I'll be back in about an hour. 139 00:08:30,955 --> 00:08:32,169 You guys gonna be okay? 140 00:08:32,170 --> 00:08:34,344 Gee, Alan, you sure I can handle the responsibility? 141 00:08:34,345 --> 00:08:38,150 What if he wants to go to college or something? 142 00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,740 Charlie, please don't start. I'll see you later. 143 00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:44,415 -Hey! -Three, nothing. 144 00:08:45,698 --> 00:08:48,256 -That was a time-out. -You didn't call it. 145 00:08:48,257 --> 00:08:51,486 -Fine. Three, nothing. -You want a do-over? 146 00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:55,637 No, I don't want a do-over. Just bring it on. 147 00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:00,792 Not so easy when I'm paying attention, is it? 148 00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:03,189 Not so hard, either. 149 00:09:07,957 --> 00:09:10,354 -My head! -Oh, God. 150 00:09:13,842 --> 00:09:16,175 -You okay? -No. 151 00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:18,990 -All right, don't panic. -I'm not panicking. 152 00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:22,501 Good. You're gonna be fine. 153 00:09:22,988 --> 00:09:27,627 -We've just got to stop the bleeding. -I'm bleeding? 154 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,357 -What? -Nothing. Just a little trickle. 155 00:09:32,358 --> 00:09:35,396 Here, take my shirt. Hold it up here. 156 00:09:35,397 --> 00:09:39,265 I'm sorry. Okay, let's get you up, nice and slow. 157 00:09:39,266 --> 00:09:41,984 Attaboy. I'll grab my car keys and we'll head to the hospital. 158 00:09:41,985 --> 00:09:44,382 A hospital? I don't want to go to a hospital! 159 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:47,911 Did I say "hospital"? I meant Disneyland. 160 00:09:48,701 --> 00:09:51,194 How's it going there, pal? You still bleeding? 161 00:09:51,195 --> 00:09:54,080 -I don't know. -No, don't look. 162 00:09:54,617 --> 00:09:56,663 You just hang in there, we'll get you fixed up, 163 00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:59,190 and you'll be back home before you know it. 164 00:09:59,191 --> 00:10:02,260 Just as soon as we find the freaking hospital. 165 00:10:02,261 --> 00:10:08,395 -You don't know where the hospital is? -Of course I know where it is. 166 00:10:08,785 --> 00:10:11,919 I'm kind of hungry. Can we stop for a chili cheeseburger? 167 00:10:11,919 --> 00:10:14,764 You're hungry? How could you even think about food? 168 00:10:14,765 --> 00:10:18,283 What do you think about when you're hungry? 169 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,680 Fair enough. 170 00:10:20,682 --> 00:10:23,368 We'll get you a chili cheeseburger at the hospital. 171 00:10:23,368 --> 00:10:26,789 -Will they have fries at the hospital? -They have everything. 172 00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:29,704 Some people go just for the food. 173 00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:33,357 Man, we'd better call your dad. 174 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,989 Hello? 175 00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:45,499 -Why do you have your father's phone? -I don't know. 176 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,896 -That's great. -Bye. 177 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:56,148 Yes! An ambulance. Fifty-fifty shot he's going to a hospital. 178 00:10:56,149 --> 00:10:58,546 Hang on! 179 00:11:00,179 --> 00:11:02,032 I can't believe we beat the ambulance. 180 00:11:02,033 --> 00:11:05,391 Yeah, well, those things are just ice-cream trucks with blood bags. 181 00:11:05,392 --> 00:11:07,181 Hi, we need to see a doctor. 182 00:11:07,182 --> 00:11:10,540 -All right. Just fill this out and have a seat. -No, you don't understand. 183 00:11:10,541 --> 00:11:12,490 He hit his head, he's bleeding. 184 00:11:12,491 --> 00:11:14,602 -Did he lose consciousness? -No. 185 00:11:14,603 --> 00:11:17,162 I got a little woozy, though. 186 00:11:17,289 --> 00:11:19,685 Follow my finger. 187 00:11:20,935 --> 00:11:23,331 He's gonna be fine. 188 00:11:23,493 --> 00:11:26,224 That's it? He's gonna be fine? 189 00:11:27,011 --> 00:11:30,976 That's not a medical test, that's how you hypnotize a chicken. 190 00:11:30,977 --> 00:11:34,590 I'd like a chili cheeseburger and fries, please. 191 00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:38,651 You see, he's hallucinating. Can you please just get him in to a doctor? 192 00:11:38,652 --> 00:11:40,314 Well, you need to fill this out first. 193 00:11:40,315 --> 00:11:45,111 Come on, this is gonna take forever. Can't we do this later? 194 00:11:45,112 --> 00:11:47,030 Over dinner? 195 00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:49,427 Now you're hallucinating. 196 00:11:50,198 --> 00:11:52,594 Come on, buddy. 197 00:11:55,603 --> 00:11:59,055 All right. Let's see. Last name, Harper. 198 00:11:59,056 --> 00:12:01,452 First name, Jake. Ob? 199 00:12:02,415 --> 00:12:05,577 Jacob. I knew that. Middle name? 200 00:12:05,836 --> 00:12:07,946 -You don't know? -Of course I know. 201 00:12:07,947 --> 00:12:10,504 I want to see if you know. You fell on your head, dude. 202 00:12:10,505 --> 00:12:12,456 David. 203 00:12:12,457 --> 00:12:16,549 Jacob David. They went full Old Testament on you, didn't they? 204 00:12:16,550 --> 00:12:20,126 -Age, 10. Allergies? -I don't know. 205 00:12:20,963 --> 00:12:24,576 Is there anything you eat that makes you sick? 206 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,974 I ate a worm once. 207 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,333 No allergies. Have you had any of the following? 208 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:31,932 -Measles? -I don't know. 209 00:12:31,933 --> 00:12:33,243 -Mumps? -I don't know. 210 00:12:33,244 --> 00:12:35,578 -Chicken pox? -ls that the one with the spots? 211 00:12:35,579 --> 00:12:37,975 -Yeah. -I don't know. 212 00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:42,230 All right. We're just gonna vote the straight "no" ticket. 213 00:12:42,231 --> 00:12:44,627 Family history? 214 00:12:44,693 --> 00:12:47,890 Your grandmother's always been a pain in the ass. 215 00:12:47,891 --> 00:12:49,809 Gonzales? 216 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:52,623 -Right here! -I'm Gonzales. 217 00:12:55,023 --> 00:12:57,420 No, you're not. 218 00:12:59,181 --> 00:13:01,577 Right. He's Gonzales. 219 00:13:05,386 --> 00:13:09,702 -Okay, you're gonna feel a little sting. -Nobody said I had to get a shot! 220 00:13:09,702 --> 00:13:12,260 It's just to numb your skin so you won't feel the stitches. 221 00:13:12,261 --> 00:13:15,427 What are you gonna give me to not feel the shot? 222 00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:18,049 It's all right, pal. I'm right here with you. 223 00:13:18,050 --> 00:13:22,303 Big deal. I'm still gonna get a shot in my head. 224 00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:25,692 Come on, just hold my hand, look me in the eyes. 225 00:13:25,693 --> 00:13:28,089 Go ahead, Doc. 226 00:13:28,188 --> 00:13:33,181 -Hey, go easy on the kid! -No, you're squishing my hand! 227 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,598 Sorry. But you didn't feel the shot, did you? 228 00:13:36,599 --> 00:13:38,995 -No. -You're welcome. 229 00:13:39,445 --> 00:13:41,203 Maybe you'd prefer to wait outside. 230 00:13:41,204 --> 00:13:43,569 I'd prefer a morphine drip and a sponge bath, 231 00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:45,966 but the kid needs me. 232 00:13:46,161 --> 00:13:49,806 -How many stitches am I gonna get? -I don't know, three or four. 233 00:13:49,807 --> 00:13:51,629 That's all? Scott Pressman got nine 234 00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:54,763 when his sister hit him with the Etch-A-Sketch. 235 00:13:54,764 --> 00:13:56,394 Help us out here, Doc. 236 00:13:56,395 --> 00:13:58,920 Okay, I'll go five, but one is purely decorative. 237 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,231 Thank you. 238 00:14:00,232 --> 00:14:02,791 -ls this gonna leave a scar? -I'm afraid so. 239 00:14:02,792 --> 00:14:05,061 -No. -Yes! 240 00:14:05,062 --> 00:14:07,458 Okay, let's get started. 241 00:14:08,036 --> 00:14:10,749 Good, maybe that's your father. 242 00:14:10,979 --> 00:14:13,661 Hello. Hey, Judith. 243 00:14:16,384 --> 00:14:18,780 No, it's me, Charlie. 244 00:14:19,102 --> 00:14:25,591 What am I doing with Alan's phone? Why? Do you want custody of that, too? 245 00:14:26,426 --> 00:14:28,822 Come on, that's funny. 246 00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,852 I don't know. Maybe Alan and l accidentally switched phones. 247 00:14:32,853 --> 00:14:37,339 Why don't you try calling him on mine? 310-LlCKME. 248 00:14:41,808 --> 00:14:45,741 I didn't pick it, but that's what it spells. 249 00:14:45,742 --> 00:14:47,276 Okay. Goodbye. 250 00:14:47,277 --> 00:14:49,259 Are you doing it? 'Cause I can't feel anything. 251 00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:53,391 -Yeah, that's the idea. -Can you see my brain? 252 00:14:53,833 --> 00:14:58,089 Sure, it's a big brain. You must be very smart. 253 00:14:58,886 --> 00:15:02,397 -Phone's ringing. -No, it's not. 254 00:15:03,363 --> 00:15:07,904 The doctor's just stimulating the phone-ring part of your brain. 255 00:15:07,905 --> 00:15:10,416 -Right, Doc? -Sure, why not? 256 00:15:10,783 --> 00:15:17,099 I ordered a chili cheeseburger out there. Will they know to bring it in? 257 00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:22,871 Come on, Mom. Those are two completely different scenarios. 258 00:15:22,872 --> 00:15:25,268 Hey. 259 00:15:26,742 --> 00:15:28,660 Cool hats. 260 00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:32,018 So, you're saying that because I didn't name you as Jake's guardian, 261 00:15:32,019 --> 00:15:35,440 you're switching your medical power of attorney from me to Charlie? 262 00:15:35,441 --> 00:15:37,263 -What's going on? -Hang on. 263 00:15:37,264 --> 00:15:44,050 If Mom's ever in a coma, you're the one who has to decide to pull the plug. 264 00:15:44,556 --> 00:15:46,952 Pull. 265 00:15:47,178 --> 00:15:50,503 All right, Mom, Charlie's onboard. Yeah, got to go. 266 00:15:50,504 --> 00:15:51,814 Hey, where have you guys been? 267 00:15:51,815 --> 00:15:54,628 You know, we went and got a couple of hamburgers, 268 00:15:54,629 --> 00:15:57,026 bought some hats. 269 00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:01,512 Ate the hamburgers, wearing the hats. 270 00:16:01,857 --> 00:16:03,263 Okay. 271 00:16:03,264 --> 00:16:06,993 -You're right, he bought it. -Bought what? 272 00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:12,477 Dude, you can forget about a life of crime. 273 00:16:13,850 --> 00:16:16,216 Oh, my God. What happened? 274 00:16:16,217 --> 00:16:18,774 We were playing basketball, and it got a little rough. 275 00:16:18,775 --> 00:16:20,277 -He fouled me. -You charged. 276 00:16:20,278 --> 00:16:21,493 -Did not. -Did, too! 277 00:16:21,494 --> 00:16:22,548 Hold on. 278 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,627 -So you took him to the emergency room? -Yes. 279 00:16:24,628 --> 00:16:27,569 Where the cheeseburgers sucked, by the way. 280 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,680 But he's okay? There's no concussion or anything? 281 00:16:29,681 --> 00:16:31,663 -No. -We saw my brain. 282 00:16:31,664 --> 00:16:34,605 No, we didn't. We didn't see any brains. 283 00:16:34,606 --> 00:16:37,136 Hey, why didn't you call me? 284 00:16:37,644 --> 00:16:40,746 There it is. Why do you have my cell phone? 285 00:16:40,747 --> 00:16:42,920 I don't know. 286 00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:45,670 All right. You sure you're okay? 287 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,077 -Can I go watch TV? -Sure. 288 00:16:51,908 --> 00:16:54,113 I am really sorry, Alan. 289 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:57,951 -Don't worry about it. He's fine. -Yeah, but I'm not. 290 00:16:57,952 --> 00:16:59,135 You were right. 291 00:16:59,136 --> 00:17:02,844 I obviously can't be trusted to take care of Jake. 292 00:17:02,845 --> 00:17:04,731 Believe me, the second you're in the ground, 293 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:08,281 I'm sticking that kid on a plane to Rhode lsland. 294 00:17:08,282 --> 00:17:09,976 Charlie, let me tell you something. 295 00:17:09,977 --> 00:17:12,215 You can't keep Jake from ever getting hurt. 296 00:17:12,216 --> 00:17:15,573 I mean, he's a boy. That's... Getting hurt is like his job. 297 00:17:15,574 --> 00:17:20,978 Last summer, he actually fractured his ass doing a cannonball into the bathtub. 298 00:17:20,979 --> 00:17:23,440 All I care about is that he has somebody who loves him 299 00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:28,493 and who'll step up when it really counts. And that's what you did today. 300 00:17:28,494 --> 00:17:31,307 Yeah, I guess I did, didn't l? 301 00:17:31,628 --> 00:17:33,802 Yeah. And if, God forbid, 302 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:37,838 something should ever happen to Judith and me, 303 00:17:38,344 --> 00:17:43,269 I would be very comfortable knowing that you were looking after my son. 304 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:45,666 Dead, but comfortable. 305 00:17:48,994 --> 00:17:52,256 Does this mean you're putting me in the will? 306 00:17:52,257 --> 00:17:55,833 -Yeah. -Wow. Thanks, man. 307 00:17:58,940 --> 00:18:01,336 That means a lot. 308 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:04,376 -Just do me a favor, all right? -What's that? 309 00:18:04,377 --> 00:18:06,774 Don't die. 310 00:18:13,012 --> 00:18:16,177 -That's a very cute hat. -Thank you. 311 00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,574 It makes my hair sweat. 312 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,805 Oh, my God! What happened to your head? 313 00:18:21,806 --> 00:18:25,643 I got five stitches. There was blood everywhere. 314 00:18:25,644 --> 00:18:29,129 -Why didn't anyone tell me? -I just did. 315 00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:32,232 -Can we stop for pizza? -I can't believe this. 316 00:18:32,233 --> 00:18:36,642 I'm going to have a little talk with your father. 317 00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,816 Hello?